BY : katharina99
Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > Slash - Male/Male > Spike(William)/Xander > Spike(William)/Xander
Dragon prints: 18614
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Xander flinched as he sat gingerly on a cheap aqua blue office chair. Spike had told him that he was going to be spanked with the small paddle to make sure he’d remember what he was. It certainly had been effective. He had no problem remembering he was the blond’s property right now. His ass felt like it had been set to London broil. To make things worse, the slightest movement wiggled the damned anal toy that his bloodsucking Master had ordered him to wear, sending bolts of raw pleasure through his body at the most inconvenient times. He’d gotten a couple of odd looks when he’d gone to oversee some things around the site this morning. Guess the guys weren’t accustomed to seeing him squirm like he had ants in his pants. They probably hadn’t heard him gasp or squeak for no apparent reason that much either. Thank God the shirt the vampire had selected for him was long enough to cover up any unwanted physical responses. Which was good because, as per usual, the blond had made sure he was painfully aroused before he left home.

He’d been almost relieved when he’d had to go into the trailer, which served as the onsite office, in order to complete some overdue paperwork. At least he wouldn’t be blushing in the presence of his co-workers each time he shifted the wrong way and the annoying little plug brushed his prostate. It had almost made up for how painful sitting down was.

Xander rubbed his temples. Reading over these reports was giving him a headache. Although his promotion to foreman had meant less physical labor, it also meant a lot more responsibility. Sometimes the brunet almost longed for the days when he was just building stuff. He hadn’t had half as many worries back then. Somebody would tell him to do something and he’d just go do it. Now suddenly he was the guy giving everybody else instructions. Sometimes he still couldn’t believe it. He still half expected to wake up in the dank hole otherwise known as his parent’s basement.

Of course if his life up to this point was only a dream, then so was his slavery. He really didn’t think his subconscious could come up with that one, at least he hoped it couldn’t. If he woke up and found out that the whole dream job had been, just that, he’d be bitterly disappointed, but he'd get over it. If he woke up and realized he’d conjured up a repressed fantasy about being Spike’s male sex slave, he’d need years of therapy. Particularly if you took into account his physical reactions to his new Master or what said evil undead Master did to him daily.

He'd never have believed that he'd like having another man's penis inside him; but if he was honest with himself he had to admit that when Spike had sex with him, part of him took pleasure in it. The blonde vampire had touched him in ways that no other lover ever had. The discovery of the pleasure he could get from having his prostate stimulated had been a revelation to say the least. Xander had heard and read about it of course, but the idea of actually playing up there… He could admit it; he hadn't been anywhere near secure enough in his own masculinity to do that.

He'd never felt anything like that before. He was quite sure that even if he was freed from his obligation to his master tomorrow, he would never be able to go through life without feeling that kind of pleasure again. Despite the fear and degradation, he’d come to one of the most powerful orgasms in his life laying on his back as the Big Bad's shaft rubbed the sensitive gland with each and every stroke. Last night when he'd jacked off for Spike while fingering himself he'd become incredibly excited. He could only imagine how good it would have felt to actually be allowed to come at that point.

Anya had wanted to experiment while they were together. She'd tried a couple of times to convince him to let her use one of her vibrators on him, but he'd always turned her down. He'd let her run it over his cock and Oh God had that felt good, but he'd never been willing to experiment with any sort of anal play. He could distinctly remember Anya calling him repressed, after he'd flat out refused to allow her to put a finger inside of him while she sucked him off. She’d heard about it on some call-in sex show, and of course had wanted to try it out. One thing he could say about the former vengeance demon, even though she was always going on about her orgasms she took just as much pride and pleasure dishing them out.

He wasn't sure what all this meant. All he knew now was that he definitely enjoyed having the entire ass region played with. That didn't mean anything. It certainly didn't make him gay. He knew there was a percentage of perfectly straight men that loved having their wives or girlfriends fuck them with their toys. He was fairly certain that Ahn had given him statistics when she'd been trying to convince him to try it, probably even including some sort of pie chart. Now he desperately wished that they had tried it. The idea of his gorgeous ex doing those things to him made his cock throb even more painfully in his close-fitting jeans.

That probably pointed to the not gay theory. But then there were all these naughty thoughts he'd been having about people of the male variety since this whole debacle had started; like Angel, the great brood-mister himself. Even though he’d disliked Deadboy from the start, he'd always admitted to the vampire being buff. The creature the Powers had chosen as their champion was tall and handsome, in a broody really good-looking sort of way, with his big soulful brown eyes and well-developed physique. Even so, he'd still been shocked two nights ago when the naughty picture show of the vampire’s large pale body and that of Wesley had flashed through his brain.

Wesley Wyndham-Pryce was definitely someone that he really hadn't thought about in a sexual way when they had first met. Sure the Englishman had been handsome with his dark hair and piercing blue eyes, but as a teen he had been too threatened by the young foreigner to allow himself to do anything but dislike Giles’ replacement. The watcher kind of reminded him of Willow a little bit, what with all the social awkwardness. Of course back then the Brit had been such a bossy and pushy jerk most of the time, that Xander hardly felt guilty about the nasty way he'd treated the older man. With age and some distance, Xander had later come to realize that the Brit’s attitude had really just been a way to cover up his, now obvious, insecurity. Willow had told him that Wes wasn't the same man anymore. She'd said that she'd barely recognized him the last time she'd been in LA. Anyway, letting his mind give Angel's co-worker a quick once over, Xander could admit Wes was an attractive man. First, he had that sexy British accent going for him. He was cute in a James Bond, 007, kind of way. He supposed Wes had nice eyes. From what Xander had been able to make out, the former watcher kept himself in good shape. The man the council had sent to take his mentor’s place had a good body, well muscled without being overly bulky. He had a runner’s or a swimmer’s build kind of like Xander’s Mast… So not going there. Yeah he could understand why the image of Angel bending the Englishman over his desk had been both attractive and arousing to him. He could admit it. The two men were striking. He tried to imagine himself in either of their places. Eep! Did that mean he was gay? Maybe Anya had been right and he was repressed. He'd gotten turned on by picturing Giles and Ethan Rayne, of all people! Let's not panic here.

Okay on the possible closet case side we have Rupert Giles. The man was handsome. He was both sophisticated and refined. Xander was self aware enough to realize that he still half worshipped the man. That could explain part of the attraction. Giles had been the only solid male role model in his life.

Okay, Giles and Ethan Rayne. The sorcerer was dangerous and mysterious in a bad boy sort of way. He also had that sexy foreign accent charm that both Giles and Wesley had going on. He also wasn't too hard on the eyes. Xander wasn't so far in straight denial that he couldn't see the difference between two men like Giles and Ethan, and say Willy or Principal Snyder. Besides the idea of the chaos worshiping Rayne on his knees in front of… okay possible check on the gay side.

When exactly had he started checking himself for gayness? Probably when he’d come the first time while Spike was reaming his ass. Okay if he was going to do this he needed to examine both sides of the issue. What curvy babe in his life could he stack against the image of a chaos wizard and his former mentor, and let’s not forget Wesley and Angel doing the naughty on company property? His first love, the formidable Miss Cordelia Chase maybe?

She’d been his first real girlfriend. He’d become aroused easily at the mere thought of her in those days. He'd come home after a date with her with a stiffy more than once, until their relationship had so dramatically ended. She had been beautiful, with her long silken dark hair and legs that went on for miles. He whimpered at the thought of those long toned legs wrapped around his waist as she rode him hard. Okay definite check mark on the straight side.

Let's be fair. What guys had he known around the same time? Oz. He could admit it, the older boy had been attractive and the pinnacle of cool. The werewolf had a nice body; he'd seen it enough times when he'd been on wolf sitting duty. The idea of fooling around with Willow's ex was not totally gross. He tried picturing himself kissing the older boy; then laying on his stomach while the smaller man pumped into him. God! Another score for the might be gay column.

All right sexy women. Faith? She may be psycho, but there was no denying she was beautiful. There was something about that pouty little mouth. She was also the lady he’d had his first time with, something that he would always remember despite how it had ultimately turned out. He remembered how he'd felt while her small firm body had ridden him selfishly to completion. No denying he had enjoyed every second of it, but there was no doubt in his mind that he had been completely incidental to her. Any other guy would have done the trick, he’d been around and he’d been convenient. A microscopic part of himself, that he constantly told to shut the hell up and since he wasn’t a girl, regretted that Anya hadn’t actually been his first.

Still though, there was no arguing that he’d wanted it at the time. Faith was sexy and he’d always been attracted to women with strong dominant personalities and the dark haired slayer was most definitely that. He could easily picture himself on his knees at Faith’s feet forced to pleasure her under threat of punishment if he failed. Hetero side check, maybe the gay theory didn't have that much credence because the thought of being disciplined by the dark slayer put him strongly on the side of not gay.

Still there were men he had found attractive. Riley Finn. Can I have sex with Riley too? Tall, muscular with gorgeous boy next door looks. Mentally undressing the commando, the Scooby swallowed nervously. Gay side check.

No list of people he was attracted to could be complete without Buffy, the now dear friend who had been his one time goddess and high school crush. She was a small and beautiful blond bundle of ass-kicking power. When it came to strong women, Buffy Ann Summers was the pinnacle. Xander had woken up wet and sticky more than once over the years imagining that the whole scene in the library with the trench coat had ended differently. If he hadn’t been in love with Cordy at the time and possessed no shred of conscience, who knows what might have been? If he’d had no scruples, like when he’d been possessed by the hyena spirit, he very well might have taken the little blond slayer up on her blatant offer.

This line of thought was getting him nowhere. He couldn't decide. He was getting turned on by the images of both men and women... He'd noticed that some men were attractive for a long time, even his brand new Master. Spike is strong and mysterious and sort of compact but well muscled. He couldn't believe those words had left his lips. He was bi? He guessed it was possible. Who said his sexual preference had to be one or the other? His Dad? Now there was a Rhodes scholar whose opinion he should base his life on.

It’s not like hypothetically admitting that he might be attracted to men would be the end of the world. Willow was gay and he had no problem with that. He’d been a little weirded out at first, but once he’d come to know Tara he’d grown to truly love and admire the shy blond Wicca. Besides, pretending he had a problem with Willow’s choice of lifestyle would have been a little hypocritical after his post Adam dream. Damn it, if he didn’t stop this line of thought, he was going to disgrace himself and come in his pants like a teenager. That would bring him yet again, more punishment. His poor backside was sore enough, thank you very much! He was pretty sure Spike would know if he came without his permission; that was assuming the blond vampire’s claim that he would be able to smell what his slave ate for lunch was true. The brunet was fairly certain that it was. He remembered Angel pulling some pretty creepy things out of thin air, stuff he just shouldn’t have been able to know. Stupid vampires going around smelling people all the time.

Xander sighed, quickly leafing through the reports laid out before him, and doing his best to finish the crew assignments for the next week. It wouldn’t do him much good to jump through Spike’s hoops, only to be fired for gross incompetence. The work wasn’t difficult as much as it was tedious. After doing this for a few months, balancing employee and material availability had become second nature. He was fairy proficient at making sure the entire process remained cost efficient. After a lifetime of dead-end jobs, the former delivery boy was still surprised at how good he was at coordinating his crew. He supposed he’d gotten used to being the comic relief for the Scoobies. Except for that one time at graduation, no one had ever really seemed to recognize Xander for his leadership skills. It was nice being at a place were his opinions were valued and taken into actual consideration.

With some effort the young foreman managed to put his physical discomforts out of mind. Once he’d immersed himself in his task the brunet succeeded in wrapping up his work in fairly good time. As the day wore on he found that the throbbing ache he’d known at the beginning of the day had morphed into mere tenderness. Xander certainly hoped his Master wouldn’t deem another punishment necessary tonight. Sitting was no longer the torture it had been a couple of hours earlier, but the young man definitely didn’t feel ready for another round over the blonde vampire’s lap.

A knock on the trailer door startled Xander. Damn, probably some unforeseen problem. Construction sites were always fraught with unexpected obstacles, construction sites on the Hellmouth, even more so. He just hoped this was a snafu of the human variety and they hadn’t disturbed the nest of some monster of the week or God help him another Indian burial ground.

“Yeah?” He called out. Sighing he poked his head out the door, only to be nearly bowled over by an anxious five foot six red headed Witch.

“Someone to see you Xan,” Jason, a talented, but fairly recent addition to Xander’s crew, pointed out unnecessarily.

“Um thanks,” the brunet muttered, trying unsuccessfully to extricate himself from his best friend’s python like grip. He was so dead. Spike is going to kill me or at the very least make me wish I was six feet under, Xander thought, as he watched Jason head back to whatever he had been working on before Willow had showed up.

“Oh Xander, we’ve been so worried about you! How could you do something so incredibly stupid, yet selfless, but still really dumb, although courageous and generous, but never the less unbelievably asinine?” The slight girl rambled on, slapping her best friend hard on the shoulder to show her displeasure. Xander couldn’t remember the last time he’d heard her babble on like that. He thought it was something she left behind in high school. It was a measure of just how upset she really was about the situation. Xander swallowed guiltily. He took a deep calming breath, trying to firm his resolve. He’d
known this wouldn’t be easy.

“Wills…” he began, finally disentangling himself from the petite witch’s embrace. It was hard when all he wanted to do was hold his best friend to him and never let go. He shook himself, reminding himself that what he wanted wasn’t relevant anymore. He’d made his decision now he would have to live with the consequences, however painful they may be. Even now he felt an ever so slight tug on the bond he shared with Spike, reminding him of his promise. Willow, oblivious to Xander’s inner struggle just ploughed on.

“Are you Okay? I don’t see any bruises. Giles said it didn’t look like Spike was trying to hurt you,” Willow continued unfazed.

“I’m fine Willow. I’m sorry all of you were worried, but Will you can’t be here,” the brunet reminded her, trying to sound firm.

“Xander, I needed to see you. I had to make sure you were still in one piece. This was the only way I could think of getting you alone without Spike,” the young woman insisted looking up at her companion earnestly.

“I’m not allowed to see you guys. Willow you need to go,” he answered, looking down at his work boots, unable to meet her gaze.

“Spike’s not here,” Willow insisted, putting a restraining hand on Xander’s upper arm.

“No, but he’ll smell you all over me when I get home tonight and then I’ll be in for it,” he answered reasonably, as though it were the most ordinary thing in the world. “He made it pretty clear last night, when we ran into Giles, that I’m not allowed to talk to you guys. Please Willow, every second that you’re here, you’re getting me further into the proverbial dung heap. If Spike feels like he can’t trust me, he won’t let me keep this job.”

“He can’t do that,” Willow protested indignantly.

“He can do whatever he wants with me. I belong to him now”, the dark haired man gently reminded her. She needed to understand that this wasn’t a game.

“Xander why did you do it? We would have found some other way!” Willow exclaimed, her eyes shining. Despite the tears forming in his best buds eyes, the words still made the brunet bitter. Why did everyone seem to think he’d gone into this blind? He may not have anticipated that his Master would take such a sexual interest in him, but it wasn’t like he’d had no idea what he would be giving up. He’d gone through with the ritual knowing full well he was forfeiting his freedom.

“How?” Xander couldn’t help himself from asking a little spitefully. He knew he wasn’t being fair, but at this point he couldn’t seem to care. None of the others had any idea what he’d been through during the past couple of days. He was getting tired of the other Scoobies telling him it didn’t mean anything.

“Xander we would have found some other way. We always do,” his best friend replied irritably, as if she was stating the obvious. Xander supposed she was, in a way. Buffy winning in the end had been a forgone conclusion for so long it sometimes seemed as obvious as the sun rising the next morning. Even Buffy’s dive from the tower and subsequent death hadn’t ultimately stopped them.

“Have you found a way yet?” he demanded. Okay, he was being an ass. Giles had told him that the girls had been working non-stop on getting him out of this. But damn it, he was a grown man, he didn’t need the girls to revise all of his decisions. He wasn’t some simpleton who needed protecting from himself. It had been a tough situation and he done what he had to do. He regretted the pain it had caused the others, but he did not regret what he’d done. “Have you found a way yet? How would you have stopped it Willow? What was this brilliant plan B that I was too dense to think of?” Xander insisted, becoming angry in spite of himself. Did the rest of the gang think that this had been a decision he’d made lightly?

“We don’t know,” the young woman admitted sadly, the fatigue of sleepless nights evident in her voice. ”We’ve tried Xander, we haven’t stopped trying. We’ll find a way.”

“I know you believe that Wills, but we were out of time. Somebody needed to face reality,” he pointed out as calmly as he could.

“And you decided that it had to be you,” Willow choked bitterly, shaking her red tresses.

“I was the most logical choice. I contribute the least to the group. Buffy needs you and Tara to provide the mojo,” the brunet began explaining.

“Xan,” Willow interrupted, laying a hand on his arm. He did his best to ignore the hurt look on her face when he jerked it away. He knew he should have already ended their conversation, but if he didn’t make her understand she would simply keep trying to contact him. At this point, his owner would be furious with him either way.

“Will, no. He doesn’t even want us talking, much less touching. Like I was saying, I was the best candidate. You and Tara were out for obvious reasons. Anya despite her many faults is your best link to the demon community. You need her and the perspective she provides, especially now that Spike is through with you guys. There was Dawn, but we both know that that was never an option. She’s only a kid. Besides who knows what a girl who came from a mystical ball of energy might become,” Xander continued, hoping he sounded at least as reasonable out loud as he did in his head.

“And you don’t believe that you add anything to our group? Xander we need you. You’re the heart of the Scoobies. You talk about the perspective Anya provides. What about you? Everything that the rest of us do or see is tainted by our respective powers. You see things in a way none of the rest of us do or will ever be able to. We need you Xander,” Willow insisted earnestly.

“You’re going to have to find a new everyman then, Willow. I’m not going to be available for the foreseeable future,” he held. This wasn’t working. Why couldn’t Willow just leave this be? Because she’s Wills. He needed to end this. Problem was; he really didn’t want to. “Hey, maybe if those nerds get tired of playing evil geniuses, one of them will volunteer. I’m sure Jonathan or Tucker’s brother, what’s his name, will be able to get the jelly-filleds just as well as I can. I know they’re not really everymen since they’re one with the magic too, but…”

“Xander!” Willow tried to interrupt, looking hurt.

“Look I’m sorry, but next time somebody busts through the Summers’ front window you girls will have to call a handy man like everyone else. I’m not going to be around as free labor anymore,” he snapped meanly.

“You can’t really believe that,” she exclaimed, the tears that had been welling in her eyes finally spilling over. She wiped her eyes hurriedly.

“Or what? You’ll make me believe something else? Mojo my mind into doing whatever you want? Maybe make me forget everything again? That’s your new thing isn’t it? Playing inside people’s heads when they don’t do exactly what you want. Didn’t work so well on Tara though did it?” he spat viciously.

He didn’t even see the slap coming. Even though he’d known it would take saying something unforgivable to get Willow to give up, something so hurtful that would forever damage their friendship, it still came as a surprise. He stood in the doorway a long time after Willow’s sobbing form had disappeared in the distance, trying to hold back tears of his own. He failed.

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