Adult-FanFiction.org : Buffy

Humanity	By : QueenB Category: AtS/BtVS Crossovers > Het - Male/Female > Angel(us)/Buffy > Angel(us)/Buffy Views: 4278 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Spike lay quietly in his crypt. The sun had finally set and released him. On the way home, he’d half hoped to meet up with Buffy but there’d been no sign of the blonde Slayer. She’d be showing up for patrol anytime now.
But she didn’t. He went out, not that he was looking for her, mind; he just wanted some demon butt to kick. Still--no Slayer. He didn’t see her the next night either. Or the next. Or the night after that.
Right. She was playing hard to get, avoiding him to show how little she cared. Well, two could play that game. He wasn’t going to crawl after her, not like before. He was a man, after all, and she could bloody well come to him when she was feeling the itch.
But Spike wasn’t like Angelus. Angelus could stalk a victim patiently for days, months at a time, laying his plans and waiting for them to come to fruition. He’d haunt his targets and then disappear, leading them to believe that he’d tired of the game and had forgotten them. Then, just as they started to relax, he’d thrust himself back into their lives, pushing them to the brink of despair. He’d tormented Drusilla that way for months, driving her to insanity, before he’d finally turned her.
Spike just didn’t have that kind of staying power. He could set plans, all right. He could twist people’s minds and play with their feelings. He could wait in the bushes for hours just watching Buf…anyone’s window. But when it came to waiting patiently for events to align themselves or for people to show, he was as jittery and impatient as a five year old.
Buffy wasn’t willing to make an appearance? That was fine with him. He’d go barging into her favorite places and force her to talk to him. She wasn’t going to ignore him as if he were nothing.
__________
The first place he showed himself was the Magic Box. Sauntering up to the door, he pushed it open and prepared to step inside when he was repelled by an invisible barrier. What the bloody…? “Oi, open up! Let me in!”
Xander appeared, rumpled and frantic. “Hello. This is the Magic Box. We’re closed for…oh, it’s you, Fangless. What do you want?”
“What’s with the barrier, whelp? Since when did you clowns throw this up? You trying to get rid of me or something?”
“Oh, that? Naw, Anya’s just getting tired of the way vampires in general just seem to be able to come and go whenever they like. I mean, Willow and Tara are always welcome at our apartment but we don’t leave the door opened and unlocked so anyone can walk in, do we?”
“Yeah, that’s real nice. So invite me in already.”
“Nope, can’t do that, sport.”
“Why the bleeding hell not?” Spike frowned. Had Buffy told them about their night together? She couldn’t have, the whelp would have been furious. When Xander had seen Spike and the Buffybot shagging each other, he’d come over to crypt breathing fire and declared how Spike was just taking advantage of Buffy in a weak moment. He’d thrown Spike up against a pillar and told him that he wasn’t Buffy’s friend.
Spike scanned Xander closely. He revealed nothing except impatience and a barely-concealed boredom at the vampire’s continued presence.
“We’re doing inventory. Anya wants to do some restocking after the Halloween sale and get in some more supplies. Things are going to be topsy-turvy in here for a while and we’ve closed the store in the meantime. Guess I forgot to lock the door. What did you want here anyway?”
“Wow, the demon bint’s really got you whipped, hasn’t she, boy? Not even married yet and already she’s got you helping with the housework.”
Xander opened his mouth to retort when Anya appeared beside him. “Xander, honey, we need more bulgur wheat.”
“Bulgur wheat? What’s that doing in the Magic Box? I thought only sandal-wearing, patchouli-scented, ponytail-sporting neo-hippies were into that crap.”
“Well, this is California. People here make a big fuss about eating right and all that. I don’t know why mortals even bother. No matter how healthily they eat, they’re just going to grow old and die.”
“Uh, Anya, you might want to remember that you’re human now. Join the club.”
The ex-demon pouted. “Anyway, we still need more bulgur wheat.”
“Honestly, I can’t remember the last time anyone even asked for the stuff. How can we be low on it?”
“I don’t know, but we are. The crate with the boxes is almost empty.”
Xander sighed. “Fine, I’ll mark it down on the list of things to order.” As if he’d just remembered Spike’s presence, he glanced at the peroxide vampire and asked, “Was there anything you wanted, Sparky?”
Spike shuffled his feet and mumbled, “Just wondered if you’d seen the Slayer, is all.”
“Nope, she must be out on patrol. See ya.” With that, Xander slammed the door in his face. A moment later, the lock clicked shut, the “OPEN” sign was turned to “CLOSED” and all the shades were drawn in the shop.
__________
Spike strode away from the store, inwardly puzzled. Bulgur wheat? That’s what he’d been nicking to sprinkle on his blood. He wondered whether Anya had any clue about that. He also realized that, with the de-invite spell up, he couldn’t get into the store anymore to steal the stuff. He scowled furiously at the thought and then shrugged. He could always steal some from the local supermarket until they removed the spell.
Ah, but bulgur wheat was a specialty item. Only the Magic Box and health food stores stocked it, and small-town Sunnydale was woefully lacking in the latter. Well, he could just go back to eating plain Weetabix, he supposed. He’d gotten spoiled if he was pining for the good stuff.
Funny how that de-invite spell was just put up like that. Had Buffy told them about the thefts?
The thought of Buffy made him walk faster down the street, growling at anybody who so much as looked at him. He was starting to get into a bad mood whenever he thought of the Slayer. He’d have a few things to say to her when they met next time.
__________
Xander and Anya peeked out of the window watching the angry vampire disappear down the street. Then they burst out laughing.
“Oh, man, did you see his face when you started talking about the wheat? I thought he was going to choke! It was priceless! We didn’t even rehearse that bit!”
“I know, sweetie, but he had it coming. I mean, did he think he could get away with stealing from me without me getting a few digs in? I was once a Vengeance demon, you know.”
“Yeah, darling, and that’s why I love you.”
“Really? You love the fact that I was once a Vengeance demon? Because I was thinking of trying a few vengeance spells again…”
“NO! Anya, that’s not what I meant,” Xander hastily corrected. The thought of his fiancée resuming vengeance just when they were about to be married gave him the major wiggins. He thought of that dream he had with the First Slayer in it and inwardly shuddered.
“Well, there were a few things I wanted to try on Spike.”
“On the peroxide puke? Well, that’s different. Tell me more, oh vengeful one.”
__________
Spike went to all the usual places on patrol. The cemeteries, the alleyways, he even stopped in at Willy’s once or twice. Some of the demons hadn’t seen her; others claimed to have met her briefly. It seemed as if he was always missing her by hours or even minutes. She was around--he just couldn’t touch her.
He didn’t realize it, but Willow had laid an avoidance spell on Buffy. She’d taken something personal of Spike’s--that skull ring he’d given to Buffy when he’d once proposed marriage to her (Buffy had forgotten all about it until Willow asked)--and used it keep Spike at a distance. Thus Buffy was always leaving or exiting a place in plenty of time to avoid the bleached vampire.
__________
Two nights after the incident at the Magic Box, Spike went to Buffy’s house and knocked on the door.
The door swung open to reveal Anya in duck-covered pajamas and a sudden gust of air wafted out the odor of. …GARLIC?!?!
Gagging, Spike staggered back, retching and nearly doubling over from the noxious smell. Christ, it smelled as if they were growing the stuff!
“What are you girls playing at in there?” He glared and moved back at least ten feet from the door, struggling to regain his dignity.
Anya stared at him and then raised a pizza slice to her lips--obviously the source of the offending odor.
“Spike,” she mumbled. “What are you doing here? What do you want?”
“Why does everyone keep asking me that? You forget I was helping you all during the summer the Slayer lay six feet under? What are YOU doing here? Shouldn’t you be shagging with your husband-to-be? Or is he tired of you already?” he sneered.
Anya paused to chew and swallow her bite of pizza. “Willow, Tara, Dawn and I are having a slumber party. It’s an odd concept that doesn’t seem to involve any actual sleeping. They wanted to give me one more night of girls’ night out. Or in. Whatever. I thought I’d take the opportunity to plan the wedding and bridal shower and tell them exactly what gifts I want them to buy me. So what brings you here?”
“I’m looking for the Slayer. Have you seen her or not?”
“No, but you could wait here if you want.”
“Inside that garlic factory? No thanks.”
“Well, you could always lurk outside for her. That’s what you’re used to doing, anyway, so it shouldn’t be anything new for you.”
Spike narrowed his eyes slightly. That last remark had seemed just a little too pointed to be innocent. Did Anya know about the new turn his “relationship” with Buffy had taken? How could she be so casual if she did? He decided to try sounding her out.
“So what’s she been telling you, eh?”
“What did who tell Anya about what?”
Dawn had suddenly appeared behind Anya. Normally, his sharp sense of smell would have detected her but with the overpowering stench of garlic everywhere, he’d been completely oblivious to her presence. With both girls looking at him, Spike hedged a little.
“If Buffy’s been carrying tales to you about me following her, she’s just been exaggerating a bit. I’ve been….concerned about her ever since she’s been brought back from the dead, so I’ve been patrolling with her. Only I haven’t seen her around lately and I just wanted to see that she’s all right and all.” The explanation sounded pathetic even to him but Anya and Dawn seemed to accept it.
“Wow, that’s really sweet. I’ll tell Buffy that you asked about her when she comes in from patrol.”
“Yes, Spike, I’m sure Buffy will be glad to see a renewal of your obsessive interest in her. It must be one of the things she missed when she was dead.”
Anya shut the door and Spike was left standing outside an empty doorway…again. Where the devil was she?
__________
Willow and the others had gathered in Buffy’s house the next evening. Once again, they’d all ordered out for pizza. With plenty of garlic. Just as a precaution, Willow had hung ropes of garlic in every part of the house. Dawn had complained that she was starting to draw attention in school. She claimed the kids were wrinkling their noses and edging away from her in class.
“I mean, it’s bad enough they’re still talking about that ‘freakout’ I had when I learned I was the Key. The last thing I need for my reputation is to become known as El Stinko.”
“Dawn, please. I’ve explained to you why it’s necessary.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s all part of the plan to keep the Blonde Stalker from our doorstep. But I still think it stinks.” She sniffed herself in disgust. “Literally.”
“Speaking of his lowness….” Willow murmured.
[IS HE NEARBY?]
[YES, HE IS, XANDER. THE VAMPIRE DETECTORS I SET UP HAVE INDICATED THERE’S SOMETHING UNDEAD AND IT’S BEEN LURKING AROUND FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES. IT’S GOT TO BE HIM.]
[THESE THINGS ARE GREAT. WHY DIDN’T WE EVER USE THEM BEFORE?
[WE NEVER THOUGHT OF THEM BEFORE.] Willow glanced at the stone she had around her neck. It looked like an ordinary piece of quartz and was no bigger than a quarter. But whenever a vampire was within thirty feet, it emitted a soft purplish glow. She’d fashioned one for each member of the Scooby gang, though Xander and Dawn insisted on having theirs in bracelets on their wrists.
[TIME TO CONTINUE THE PLAN. READY, GUYS?]
Receiving telepathic confirmations from all the others, Willow carefully opened a window. She wanted to make certain the silent watcher everyone knew was near could hear every word.
__________
Spike stood on the opposite side of the street, carefully hidden in the bushes. Only the slight glow from his cigarettes would give him away and he was sure the others couldn’t see it from the house.
He carefully scented the air and shuddered again. Damn, he could smell the garlic from here! Since when had the Scoobies become so fond of the damn stuff? When he’d shown up at the Magic Box again during the daytime, he’d found ropes of it hanging from the rafters. He’d reeled back and run to the rear of the store, smoking under the tarp all the way.
“What’s with all this smelly crap you’ve got in there, Anya? First Buffy’s house and now here. You thinking of changing professions?” he spat.
“No, the distributor I ordered from made a mistake on their shipping slip. I only ordered one box and they sent ten.” She shook her head. “I was thinking of shipping it back--at their expense, of course--but the stuff has really been selling. I even sold some to Buffy. I figured if anyone needs garlic, it’s the Slayer. Anyway, it’s been flying off the shelves. Maybe the people in this town are finally waking up to the vampire menace.”
“Or maybe they’ve just mistaken this place for a successful business.”
“Spike, you’re wasting time that I might be spending on customers who will pay me to serve them. Now why are you here? Are you looking for Buffy again?”
“Yeah and I know she’s here so no stories about patrolling.”
“I wasn’t going to tell you a story. Only that she was working out in the back...”
“Hah!”
“…but she left about ten minutes ago.”
Spike stared and then he exploded in rage. “What the hell does she think she’s doing? She’s dodging me, isn’t she? Admit it. She told all of you losers, right? That’s what this is all about.”
“Told us what, Spike? You know, you’ve been acting very strangely the last few weeks. I thought the relentless stalker routine was kind of cute at first. But now it’s no longer attractive. It’s just sad and desperate. If you want to win Buffy’s heart, maybe you should try the old-fashioned methods. You know--dates, flowers, candy, jewelry. Especially jewelry. Women love that and we have an excellent supply in the store unless you’re too cheap to buy anything of quality. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have paying customers who might actually buy something. Bye.”
Spike heard her move to the front of the store to greet customers in the fake-cheery voice Giles had so painstakingly instilled into her. He wanted to march in there and demand to see Buffy. He wanted to start trashing the place. But one step and the overpowering odor of the bulbs assailed his nostrils and he hastily moved back, choking. He’d had to sprint back to his car to avoid a dusty demise.
Now here he was, hiding in the dark, playing the role of the pathetic suitor again. Listening in and trying to get some clue as to the odd behavior of the gang of white hats. Did they or didn’t they know about his roll in the hay with the Slayer?
[OK, GUYS. WE’RE ON.]
[WILLOW, I DON’T KNOW ABOUT THIS TELEPATHIC LINK THINGY. IT’S TOO MUCH LIKE WHEN BUFFY WAS ABLE TO READ ALL OUR THOUGHTS.]
[DON’T WORRY, XANDER. YOU CAN’T READ DEEP THOUGHTS AT THIS LEVEL, ONLY SURFACE THOUGHTS AIMED AT EACH OTHER.]
“So, any info about that diamond-stealing demon we’re been after?”
“Nope. Well, we can rule out any of Spike’s card-playing buddies. They only play for kittens.”
Snorts of derisive laughter followed this. “What is up with that, guys? I mean, what do they do with them anyway?” Dawn puzzled.
“Eat them.” At Dawn’s shocked look, Anya elaborated. “Small pets like kittens and puppies are a nutritious source of protein and very easy to carry. Some demons prefer them to eels and rats and if they fall out of your pocket in a public place, they’re much easier to explain away.”
Tara raised her eyebrows. “And why would you be knowing this, Anya?”
“I used to get them as gifts from grateful girls after I granted their vengeance wishes. Sometimes I ate them myself, sometimes I shared them with other demons...”
“All right, enough of this little trip down memory lane,” Xander hastily interjected. “Let’s not forget, we just had pizzas.”
Anya stared dreamily into space. “Imagine that diamond. I wonder if someone stole it for their girlfriend.”
“What would any girl do with a diamond that big? Stick it on her mantelpiece? It’s not like she could show it off to her friends or sell it. Everybody would know where it came from and then she’d have some ‘splainin’ to do to the cops,” Xander said in a ludicrous Ricky Ricardo accent.
“Well, I wasn’t thinking in terms of monetary value….”
“Okay, who are you and what have you done with my fiancée!”
Ignoring Xander, Anya continued, “I just thought it would be a sweet show of affection. A sign of how much she meant to the guy. I was telling Spike just this afternoon that maybe he should try something like that for Buffy instead of this endless, whiny trailing after her with nothing to offer but his strong right arm.”
Tara smiled shyly. “Don’t you like Xander’s strong right arm?”
“I like his strong right arm, left arm, his legs, his penis and all other parts in between.”
“ANYA!”
Anya blinked. “Oh, right, children present.”
“I’m not a child!”
[GUYS, WEREN’T WE TALKING ABOUT SPIKE THE LOSER?] Willow glared.
“So, what were you doing talking to the dyed ditz, Anya?” Xander asked.
“What else? He was asking after Buffy again and he blew a fuse when I told him she wasn’t there. Maybe she should just stake him and put him out of our misery.”
“C’mon, guys. That’s not being entirely fair. I mean, he stayed around all summer after Buffy died and looked after me.”
Tara agreed. “That’s true. If he were only in this to impress Buffy with his I’m-a-good-soldier act, why didn’t he just blow out of town afterwards?”
“He told me it’s because he’d made a promise to take care of me.”
“But he failed at the clinch, didn’t he?” Xander stated bitterly.
“Xander!”
[THAT’S IT, XANDER. TURN THE SCREWS. THUMBSCREWS, IF YOU CAN MANAGE IT.] That came from Anya.
“No, it’s true, Dawn. If Spike had just kept that Doc guy from bleeding you, Buffy wouldn’t have had to throw herself into that portal. She wouldn’t have had to die and the Boy Blunder could have skipped out of town for all we cared. I mean, I was able to handle the Doc and I’m only human. When Spike and I went to see him, he knocked Spike down and started to burn the magic tool box we’d gone to fetch. I wrestled Doc and then nailed him to the floor with a broadsword. Hell, if I could manage that, why couldn’t Spike stop him?”
Xander smiled tightly in triumph. [THAT’LL TEACH HIM TO CALL ME A ‘GLORIFIED BRICKLAYER.’]
Anya beamed at her husband-to-be. [MY HERO] “That’s right, Xander. Willow helped Tara recover her sanity, you knocked Glory through a wall with that wrecking ball. I saved you from being hit by bricks. Just what did Spike do?”
“He stayed.”
The others stared at Tara after this quiet interjection. “What do you mean, ‘he stayed’?” Anya frowned.
“Think about it. Every other person of major importance who was supposed to stay with Buffy and help her fight left her. Angel, Riley, Giles, her father, her mother...”
“My mother couldn’t help it, Tara. She DIED, remember? You could lay that blame at Buffy’s door, too, if you wanted,” Dawn coldly stated.
“I w-wasn’t blaming them or Buffy. I just meant that Spike hung around when he didn’t have to, when Buffy wasn’t around to be impressed by it. You said as much, Dawn.”
“Yeah, but we all stayed, too. And we’re far better friends than Spike ever was. Is. And we were fighting the forces of evil long before the Big Badger ever showed. Heck, he was one of them, if you guys recall. If he left, we could do just fine without him.”
Anya added, “Even now, he acts as if he can’t stand to be around us.”
“He calls us names.”
“He steals our money.”
“He mooched off us for blood and food.”
“He makes fun of our fighting skills.”
“He makes fun of YOUR fighting skills, Xander.”
“Thank you for that note of support, Anya.”
Tara couldn’t help but protest. “Folks, you’re all forgetting something. Spike often tells us about demonic activity around the Hellmouth. He talks to them, hangs out in their haunts and they tell him all about the things they’d never say to us because we’re only human.”
“Buffy said Angel used to help her like that,” Dawn said softly. There was a moment of silence while the others digested that fact.
“I can’t stand Deadboy,” Xander muttered.
Dawn gave Xander a significant look. “Is that because you used to have a crush on Buffy?”
“Ye--NO! He went evil. He killed Jenny Calendar! He tortured Giles!”
Willow sighed. “Xander, you hated Angel before that. You said so. You hated him even before you knew he was a vampire. Face it, it had nothing to do with him going evil.”
Xander squirmed under Anya’s accusing gaze. “Look, he wasn’t known as The Scourge of Europe because of that bad hair, you know. He killed and tortured people for almost two hundred years.”
“Xander, I killed and tortured people for over one thousand years. Do you hate me for that?”
“No, Anya, of course not!”
“So what’s the difference?”
“You’re female,” Willow pointed out bluntly.
“That’s not it, Willow!”
“Sure, it is, Xander. Whenever a boy looked at Buffy with the slightest romantic interest, you got all sweaty and jealous. You told Owen not to touch Buffy when he came to pick her up at her house. You were upset at the idea of a foreign exchange student living with Buffy until it turned out to be a girl. Who turned out to be an evil life-sucking mummy.”
Xander shot a glare in Willow’s direction. [AT LEAST I NEVER HAD ONE-NIGHT STANDS WITH VAMPIRES.]
Willow squinted at him. [NO, YOU HAD A ONE-NIGHT STAND WITH A PSYCHOTIC SLAYER.]
[XANDER!!!]
[ANYA, IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO!]
Dawn sighed. [EXCUSE ME, COULD WE PLEASE REMEMBER THE FIXATED BLONDE LURKING OUTSIDE?]
Anya looked daggers at Xander and then spoke with exaggerated sweetness. “Well, I think Angel would be a much better choice for Buffy romantically than Spike. He’s got that whole male cliché going for him--tall, dark, handsome, muscular. Women really go for that type.”
Xander gritted out, “Oh, you mean the dangerous, evil, bad boy, torture-maim-and-kill-your friends type?”
“No, I mean the mysterious, intelligent, charming, owns-an-entire-hotel type! Let’s look at what Angel has to offer Buffy over Spike, shall we? Angel has friends, a job, steady income and owns an entire building with heating and proper plumbing. Spike has his leather coat, items he picked up from the city dump and his crypt. That’s what he has to give Buffy? A hole in the ground? I think she’s had enough of that.”
Willow jumped in before things got out of hand. “Let’s just face facts. The Summers women don’t really have good luck with vampires. Let’s not forget how Mrs. Summers let Darla and Dracula into the house.”
“Or how Buffy slept with Angel and he got all evil,” Xander quickly added.
“Or how Dawn snuck out of the house with her vampire boyfriend.”
“Anya, he wasn’t my boyfriend! I mean, not really. Not yet. And I didn’t know he was a vampire. What’s Buffy’s excuse?”
“She didn’t know Angel would become evil.”
“Yeah, like that makes it alright.”
Xander protested, “It’s not as if any of her other boyfriends were any better. They all failed her big time. And now look what she’s stuck with--Spike following her around like Lassie.”
The others burst out laughing as the image of Spike bounding up with a wagging tail appeared in Xander’s mind.
Willow hooted, “What is it, boy? Is Timmy stuck in a well?”
Xander spoke in a high falsetto, “No, what’s that? Dawn’s been kidnapped by brain-sucking zombies? Oh, no, what shall I do?”
Dawn smirked. “Guys, it’s not funny. Okay, maybe it’s a little funny. Besides, she keeps running to Spike about me, not the other way around.” She heaved a great sigh. “He’s loyal to Buffy and me at any rate. I just wish we had the loyalty without the obsessive romantic mooning.”
“Buffy’s grown way too dependent on Spike if she thinks of him as a capable babysitter. We can take care of Dawn.
It’ll be good practice for when Xander and I have our own children.”
“I’m too old to need babysitters. I’m practically old enough to be a babysitter,” Dawn pouted.
Willow mused, “Spike isn’t a babysitter. He’s more of a guard dog. A vicious, slobbering guard dog.”
“And he reserves the slobbering for Buffy. I wouldn’t dislike him so much about the love if he weren’t such a jerk in so many other ways.”
“I think it’s because he’s lonely.” Silence fell over the group again as everybody goggled at Tara.
Willow was baffled. [WHAT IS THIS, TARA? SYMPATHY FOR THE DEVIL?]
Tara continued, raising her chin in defiance. “He must be. He keeps hanging around us. We’re the closest thing he has to friends. He’s alienated the demon community because he beats up on them all the time and I don’t think he could make any other real human friends since he can’t tell them what he is. But his tough-guy persona that he’s adopted for himself doesn’t permit himself to show he cares or he likes us because we’re human and the Big Bad doesn’t cozy up to humans. So he acts mean, rough and nasty. But when’s the last time he really tried to hurt any of us? I mean, indirectly.”
The gang pondered this. This was true. Spike was truly devoted to Dawn and loyal to them, in his own fashion.
“Okay, so basically you’re saying that Spike is a friend, he just doesn’t act friendly,” Xander volunteered. Tara nodded, aware that the explanation didn’t really satisfy anyone.
“Well, we rescued him from Glory, protected him from the Initiative and forgave him when he betrayed us to Adam. So I’d say the scales are even. He’s not nice to us so we don’t have to act nice to him. I mean, would it kill him to say ‘please’ or ‘thanks’ once in a while instead of ‘Hey, losers?’ If he continues treating us like shit, he shouldn’t be upset when we don’t invite him to play our little reindeer games.”
When the others stared blankly, Xander explained, “When we brought Buffy back from the dead, Spike accused us of leaving him out of it because Willow was afraid she’d have to kill Buffy and Spike wouldn’t let her.”
Willow exploded, “He said THAT?!?!? I wasn’t afraid of anything Spike would do. When’s the last time any of us were afraid of anything he might do? I was afraid Giles might stop me but I didn’t tell Spike because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings if it didn’t work.” She pressed her lips together. “You know, there are people who always think the worst of people and that’s because they’re the worst of people. That’s what Spike is. He’s a git.”
“A tosser.”
“A wanker.”
“Butthole.”
“Ponce.”
“Shite.”
“‘Shite’ is a Scottish word, Xander.”
“Sorry, I thought it sounded good.”
“Xander heard it the other night when we were watching Trainspotting on HBO.”
“Whatever. Let’s just put Blondie out of our minds and try solving this diamond theft deal. I’m sick of talking about him. He’s a soulless demon. End of story,” Xander yawned.
Anya nodded. “Right. I think we’re agreed. Spike is loyal in his extremely limited fashion. We’re just not going to be inviting him out for drinks anytime soon.”
“Yeah. It’s not like we can expect him to pay--with his own money, anyway,” Xander muttered.
The others made vague murmurs at that and then turned back to pouring over the books. Except for the odd comment about various bizarre-looking demons, there was nothing else of significance said. Spike had heard enough. Flicking his cigarette stub down and grinding it out viciously onto the ground, he tore off down the street.
__________
Spike prowled through the streets in a savage temper. He couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. They’d dumped on him, the entire lot! Well, that Tara bint had stuck up for him and Dawn had had a few nice things to say. But the rest of those stupid little gang of white hats had taken his bad name and dragged it through the dirt. Even Dawn had torn into him.
That had hurt the most.
But they had some good points to make, didn’t she? You failed her. You were asked her to protect her and you couldn’t even save her from Doc. You think that babysitting makes up for that? You’re kidding yourself.
He was really starting to loathe that inner voice. He’d tried his best, he really had. It wasn’t as if the others had done any better in the fight against Glory. But then again, they had. They’d been down on the ground, saving each other’s necks, while he was getting tossed off a scaffolding by a creature who didn’t even come up to his neck. But the name-calling had been unnecessary.
Theirs or yours?
So he wasn’t the friendliest bloke. He was a demon, for Chrissakes! What did they expect from him, niceties like handshakes and table napkins?
You keep telling Buffy you can change. Change how? Fighting the good fight is what Angel used to do and look how that turned out. You’ve got to do better somehow.
Better how? It’s not like he could get a job. And to top it off, he still didn’t know whether they knew about his tumble with the Slayer!
Sod it. Sod them, sod them all. He was what he was and if they didn’t like it, they could stick it where the sun didn’t shine. But Buffy was pretty much of their opinion. They were her friends and had stood by her through the worst of times. Hell, she was here because of them. If he hated them, how could he accept her?
He wasn’t lonely either. Not for a bunch of relentlessly cheery, self-righteous do-gooding gits whose idea of a good time was sitting in front of the telly watching video rentals and eating popcorn. So what if Buffy, Harmony and Drusilla had all dumped him in a single night?
And how much of a loser do you have to be to get ditched by a slayer, a ditz and a lunatic, anyway?
Sod it all to hell. He was through thinking. The night was still young. He was going to get pissed.
__________
Spike sat in the Bronze nursing his beer--and a sizeable grudge. He couldn’t believe it. Had the whole world gone crazy or was it only Sunnyhell?
The Bronze had hosted an incredible one-night-only theme: All bleached blondes sporting leather had their first two drinks on the house. Everywhere he looked, there were bleached blondes in tanned cowhide. Boys. Girls. Men. Women. Older people who should have known better. And some others who looked damn good in the stuff.
Normally, his unusual looks would have had women--and certain men--coming on to him all night. But now he didn’t draw more than a cursory glance. There was also not a single glimpse of the one blonde he wanted to see.
He’d had no luck hustling anyone at pool, either. It was one of his main sources of income but for nights now there hadn’t been a single taker. People would take narrow-eyed, suspicious looks at him and then decline. Maybe word was getting around about the blonde leather-clad Englishman who was improbably skilled at playing billiards.
Suddenly, he spotted her. The familiar fall of hair on the girl at the bar, the petite form. It had to be her!
He hastily swigged what was left of his brew and slammed it down on the counter. He strode over to the woman and wrenched her by the arm, not caring if he hurt her. “Where the hell have you ...AAAAAAAARRRGGH!!”
Spike let go and clapped his hand to his head as the well-known flair of pain lanced through it. Looking back at the girl, he realized his mistake. It wasn’t Buffy. The furious-looking blonde was a complete stranger to him.
“Don’t tell me, let me guess. You were about to say, ‘Where the hell have you been all my life?’ or ‘Are your feet tired? Because you’ve been running through my mind all day.’” The brunette sitting next to her snickered and the blonde turned back to her drink in disgust.
“I’m…look, I thought you were someone else.”
“Well, my sympathies to the girl if that’s the way you were going to treat her. You nearly wrenched my arm out of my socket, asshole.”
“Something the matter, dollface?”
The blonde began rubbing her arm ostentatiously and tears that hadn’t been there moments before suddenly welled in her eyes. “Yeah, Bruno. This guy was hitting on me. He hurt my arm.”
BRUNO? Uh oh.
Spike turned around slowly to see a human troglodyte with ‘muscle-bound jock’ written all over him looming over his shoulder. The Neanderthal glared at him and growled, “You hitting on my girl?”
He knew he was going to regret this. But there was no way the Big Bad backed down in front of humans. Even humans the size of meat lockers.
“Sorry, fella. She looked lonely and unsatisfied and I wanted to ask if she and her friend would join me for a little threesome.” Spike looked the bruiser up and down and drawled, “You’re welcome to watch if you want. I’ll bet you could use some pointers.”
Bruno roared and threw a punch that Spike easily ducked. Too bad Bruno had friends. Four friends. Each as big as he was.
Spike’s vampire reflexes stood him in good stead for a while. But the urge to throw a punch proved too much for him. He head-butted one of the jocks and promptly reeled from the pain. That’s when they caught him and dragged him into the alley.
The beating was short but savage. They were college boys, drunk and loaded for bear. When he fell down, the blows turned into kicks. Spike felt as if he were being stomped by horses with very large hooves. The brutal working-over seemed to last forever but it was really only a matter of minutes. After that, the boys decided they’d doled out enough punishment and sauntered back into the club.
“Come back, you fucking tossers! Is that all you’ve got? Shit, I’m still standing! My grandmother could hit harder than that! Get your poncy asses back out here!”
The sound of his defiant yelling echoed in the deserted alley. Some girls passing by giggled at the sight of him weaving back and forth. He snarled threateningly at them and they squeaked, hurrying off.
He’d show those guys, he’d wait outside for them and then….and then what? Taunt them some more? Make more sexual innuendoes about their girlfriends? Get the crap beaten out of him again?
Sod it. He was going home. He’d had enough.
This was all Buffy’s fault. He’d gone to the Bronze looking for her and gotten into a bar fight. He should have been out on patrol. Hell, she should have been out on patrol. What kind of game was she playing at, keeping herself scarce like this? Didn’t she realize she had a responsibility to save the world from evil? She wasn’t supposed to be hiding away like this.
Avoiding you. That was the unbidden thought that came to his mind. He couldn’t deny it now. She was avoiding him and her friends were helping her. He’d thought she’d come crawling to his bed or at least his side. Instead she’d kept her distance, maintaining her cool, while he endured anxious hours and beatings for her sake.
Well, to hell with that!! He was going to have it out with her if he had to drag her out of her house by the hair!
__________
He pounded on the door, not caring if he roused the whole neighborhood. This had gone on far enough, he was a man, not some lovelorn nancyboy letting some girl rip his heart to shreds. He’d show her who was boss, he’d….He straightened up quickly when the door was pulled open to reveal a flushed Willow and Tara.
“Spike, what are you doing here? It’s almost two in the morning,” Willow whispered.
“Sod that! Besides, you two don’t look as if you’ve been sleeping.” He leered at them, taking in their robe-clad forms. Tara blushed and clutched her terry robe closer.
Willow glared coldly at him. “Well, at least some of us are getting laid. If you had been, you wouldn’t be bothering us, would you?”
The blonde vampire goggled at her. Was that Willow talking to him like that? She never spoke that way about sex. Especially sex with her girlfriend. Rallying himself, he launched back into the attack.
“Look, I don’t care what you two carpet munchers were doing. Where’s the Slayer? And don’t give me any crap about her being on patrol! I’ve been all over this soddin’ town and no one’s seen her. So either you’re hiding her….”
“Or you just haven’t been looking in the right bars, huh, Spike?”
__________
Spike whirled around. The beating he’d gotten must have been more severe than he’d imagined. He hadn’t heard or sensed her at all.
The object of all his dreams and nightmares stared at the bruised vampire swaying on her doorstep with cool disdain.
“Gee, Spike, you look worse than usual. What’s the matter? Got caught cheating at kitty poker again?”
He shook his head and peered closer at her. She looked the same but something was…odd about her. He was picking up a pulse, heartbeat and all the other signs of life but there was none of the angry, tense awkwardness that she’d been showing him lately. There wasn’t even the awful sadness that had clung to her like a cloak for days after she’d been brought back. She looked like the old confident Buffy, the one who’d never dream of sleeping with him.
“Where the hell have you been? There’s evil afoot in Sunnydale and you’re slacking on the job.”
“NO, I’m on the job. You’re evidently getting into bar fights. Or are you going to tell me that you got those bruises battling the forces of darkness?”
He pulled himself up, ignoring the giggles from the two avidly listening girls behind him. “As a matter of fact, yeah. I saw two demons trying to sacrifice a virgin. Fended them off, I did. She was bloody grateful, too. Practically threw herself at me.” That was a pretty feeble lie, if he did say so himself. But there was no way he was going to let them know he’d been beaten up by college boys, of all the things.
“Really? Is that why you stink of booze and have trash clinging to your clothes? Boy, virgins must be getting less discriminating these days if you’re the kind that looks good to them.”
Willow and Tara let out snorts of laughter as Buffy walked past him. Unable to bear it any longer, he grabbed at her arm and snarled, “Just a minute, Slayer. You and I have unfinished business.”
Buffy spun around and shoved him, hard, onto the driveway. “Spike, when are you going to get it? I’m not interested and I never will be. Now just leave before the neighbors decide to have you arrested for disturbing the peace.”
“You and I certainly disturbed the peace a month ago, didn’t we, Buffy?” Spike let a slow ugly smile steal across his face as he stood up again. She wasn’t turning her back on him, not this time.
“If you’re talking about the singing and dancing, believe me, I’m doing my best to put that out of my mind. That was not your finest hour.”
“No, you stupid bint! I’m talking about the sex you and I had in that abandoned building!”
Spike was gratified to see the stunned looks that appeared on all three girls’ faces. Buffy was never good at hiding her feelings. Let her try to worm her way out of this in front of her friends.
Then they all burst out laughing.
“Oh man, Spike, I heard that blue balls could do funny things to a man’s mind but I never knew it could create delusions!” Buffy choked.
“Yeah, Buffy, Spike must have had one of those sex dreams involving him and the Buffybot and thought it was you. Spike, you need to get a real girlfriend instead of imaginary playmates,” Willow chimed in.
“Come on, Buffy. You can’t deny what we did!” Spike felt the whole situation was slipping out of his control. “You want me to tell your friends the noises you made? The marks on your body?”
“Spike, I know that you were spying on me for months and watching me while I slept. You stole pictures of me. Angel may even have described me to you back when he was Angelus. You probably know all about my body through other sources, so I don’t think they’ll be impressed,” Buffy shot back.
“What’s going on, guys? Why are you all up?”
At the sight of her sister yawning and scratching in the doorway, Buffy’s irritation turned to anger. “That’s just great, Spike. Now you woke up Dawn.”
“Actually, you all woke me up. What’s Spike doing here?”
“Oh, Spike was just telling us what passionate sex he’s having with Buffy,” Tara said with a small smile.
“Yeah, and I was about to confess that I’m having a hot affair with Charlize Theron.”
“Willow, no!”
“I’m sorry, Tara, I meant to tell you. Charlize and I met last month at the Bronze, we looked at each other and BOOM!! Love at first sight.”
Once again, the girls dissolved into gales of laughter with Dawn joining in, giggling madly. Buffy wiped her eyes and turned to go into the house. “Look, Spanky, you’ve had your fun. Now go home before you embarrass yourself further.”
Spike couldn’t stand it. They were mocking him. They were laughing at him. Him, William the Bloody! He made one last desperate attempt to retrieve his dignity and prove his case.
“I’ve got your panties, Slayer!” He yanked the aforesaid unmentionables out of his pocket and dangled them in the air.
“Oh yeah, that’s convincing,” Dawn said critically. “It’s not as if they’ve got “Buffy” stamped on them, is it?”
Buffy also shook her head, unimpressed. “Nice try, loser. But you’ve probably still got my blue sweater.” Just before she closed the door in his face, Buffy added, “And I want it back!”
Once again, Spike was left standing in a darkened doorway. And from behind the door, he could still hear the gales of laughter from the four females.
__________
He staggered home, hardly able to believe it. Shamed and humiliated! Three times in one night! That was it, he was leaving this rotten town, he didn’t care how much Buffy and the others begged him to stay, he was out of here!
They’re not going to beg you to stick around and you know it. What do they need you for now that Buffy’s back?
But that wasn’t true, he’d been of help to them before Buffy died. Look how much he’d helped with Dawn.
Ah yes, but that was mainly because of the Glory threat. She’s gone and Buffy and the others can take care of Dawn just fine without you.
There it was again, that sly voice in his head that had been whittling away steadily at his self-esteem now for weeks. He’d been so certain that Buffy would realize that they were meant to be together, that she’d come running to him.
But tonight proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that Buffy was standing firm. She’d turned her back on him without the slightest sign of sorrow or loss. His only trump card, blabbing about their little time in the ruins, had been thrown back in his face.
Of course, the others didn’t believe it. Why should they? After the Buffybot incident, his credibility in that department was at an all-time low. But how had Buffy been able to deny it so easily? There had been no flicker of emotion other than annoyance and amusement. She hadn’t been embarrassed or ashamed. It was as if she’d just forgotten the whole incident.
Bugger. That was it. Her memory of it must have been erased. And if that was the case, that meant that Willow or Tara or both of the witches had helped her with a spell. That must mean that they knew about it!
No, that wasn’t right. There’d been no shock in either of the witches when he’d given the news. First surprise and then total amusement at his expense, but no unease at all.
Pushing his way into his crypt, Spike slumped against the door and shook his head. Something was going on. Since his tryst with Buffy, nothing had gone right for him. He’d been losing at kitty poker, no one would play him at pool and he was getting pounded by college kids, for Christ sakes! At this rate, he’d have to go back to scaring people for money.
Shuddering at the thought, Spike pulled off his leather duster. He winced at the aches just beginning to make themselves felt. He sniffed at the duster and dropped it in disgust. The Slayer was right, it reeked of the trash he’d been thrown into when those boys had had their fun with him. He’d have to get it cleaned and dry-cleaning leather always cost the earth.
He couldn’t worry about where he was going to get the money, though. Right now all he wanted was to crawl into bed and sleep the day away. These bruises weren’t going to be nearly as much fun to recollect as the ones he got from his bout with Buffy.
__________
Back at home, Tara stared at the sleeping figure of the blonde Slayer critically. “Do you think Spike noticed anything, Willow?” she whispered.
“Nope. I think he was completely taken in,” she smugly replied.
“Good. It’s just…so bizarre.”
“I know. But we only need to maintain the charade for a few days. Besides, I think he got the wind taken right out of his sails. He may not be back for a few days. That’ll give Buffy time.”
“What if she can’t figure it out by then? What if he guesses?”
“We’ll just have to keep up pretenses. If we say that everything’s okey-dokey and he’s the only one saying otherwise, who’ll believe him? His stock isn’t particularly high with us right now.”
Tara sighed. “I hope so, Wills. This is pretty serious stuff.”
Privately, Willow agreed. She hoped Buffy would find the answers she sought. And soon.

TBC
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