Now And Then

BY : pixel
Category: AtS/BtVS Crossovers > Slash - Male/Male
Dragon prints: 1062
Disclaimer: I do not own BtVS or AtS. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Now And Then


Author :~ pixel
Rated: NC-17 
Ship: Lindsey/eve xander/lindsay
Disclaimer: I own nothing, claim nothing, they all still belong to Joss et al and I’m just borrowing for a while.
Authors Notes 1: I don’t have a beta so all mistakes are mine ~ if you point them out I’ll try to fix them. 
Authors Notes 2: Please make an author happy and review ~ it stops me feeling like I’m talking to myself 
Authors Notes 3: everything in italics is a flashback/memory

Lindsey leaned back against the pillows and watched as Eve arched her back yet again, she was riding him, doing all the work. Her small breasts bounced as she worked herself up and down, fucking herself on his cock. She’d been going for almost thirty minutes and it didn’t look like she was going to cum any time soon. Stamina was one thing, but right now Lindsey was just bored; allowing a small sigh to escape from his lips, he let his eyes slide close and hoped she’d see it as a sign of how much he was enjoying her attentions, rather than realise he was just tired of looking at her face.

Knowing that she was far too self involved to notice his distraction, Lindsey let his mind wander. Trying to figure out, how his life turned out like this, to pinpoint the moment when all his plans fell apart. Instead his mind was once again drawn back to a bar in Los Anemos and the night he’d met him. 

After everything that had happened in LA, Lindsey had just wanted to escape. He’d no intention of ever coming back; and seeing Angel’s face in the rearview mirror, as he’d headed out, just reminded him that he wanted a new start. He hadn’t been thinking about revenge or making plans, not until he got pulled over by the highway patrol and found Angel’s parting shot. That damned sign, taped to his rear bumper had pushed him over the edge. It had been a petty practical joke, but to Lindsey it meant so much more. He and Angel had tried to kill each other, had caused pain and heartache and ripped each other’s worlds apart. During all that time Lindsey had considered them equals; sure they’d been enemies, but Lindsey had always thought there was a kind of grudging respect between them. He’d considered them to be worthy opponents, but this stupid prank forced him to face the truth. Angel didn’t think of him that way, Angel had no respect for him. Didn’t even hate him enough to kill him. Angel thought he was a joke.

Hatred had begun to consume him then. He’d started to make plans, trying to figure out a way to bring Angel down. To make the vampire feel as unimportant and insignificant as Angel had made him feel. For a while he got nowhere, then he heard about Jasmine and found out that Angel had taken over at Wolfram and Hart. Finally Lindsey had a way in. For all they might have promised, Lindsey knew that the senior partners would never truly give Angel control. He’d be floundering in the dark and there had to be a way for Lindsey to use that. It took some time, but eventually Lindsey had a plan that he was almost certain would work. All he had to do was find a way to keep the senior partners from finding out he was back in LA. Eventually an old contact comes up with an idea, he knows a shaman who can provide Lindsey with mystical protection in the form of tattoos. Only catch is that they take time to apply, and Lindsey will have to stay in some shitty small town for weeks if he wants to get it done.

Los Anemos is just as bad as Lindsey imagined. Full of good old boys and red necks, the young move on as soon as they can, it was a town that should have died years back. A place that reminds Lindsey a little too well of the way he’d grown up. The one saving grace was the local bar. He spent most nights there, and they never minded if he picked up his guitar and played for a time. Two weeks after he arrived he was sat on the tiny stage staring round the smoky room, when he saw a new face.

He looks really out of place among the locals. Too young by at least ten years and his clothes mark him as an outsider, more So-Cal than hillbilly. Lindsey wonders idly what a boy like that is doing here, and if he’s even old enough to be drinking that whisky he’s just ordered. Judging by the empty glasses on the table in front of him, the stranger’s well on his way to getting truly drunk and Lindsey thinks maybe it has something to do with the eyepatch marring his face. Not that Lindsey really cares, people watching is just a way to kill some time until he can get back to LA, to his payback. 

Starting to sing, Lindsey loses himself in the music for a while; when he looks at the boy again, he almost misses a note. The newcomer has let his glass slip from his fingers and his eye locks with Lindsey’s for a moment, before sliding shut. He’s listening, really listening to the music. For weeks Lindsey’s put up with a half hearted audience, talking and drinking their way through each song. He could sit up there and play just about anything and they wouldn’t care. This is different, as he watches he sees the boys face lose the lines of pained tension that had been so obvious round that single eye. He wasn’t just hearing a song; he was feeling it, letting Lindsey’s voice deep inside.

As soon as he could Lindsey cut his set short and headed over to meet the first person who’d interested him in weeks; reaching the table before the boy had even opened his eye. An hour later and they’d headed for his truck, small talk having led to instant lust. He’d been glad to realise that Xander wasn’t as young as he’d first appeared and even more gratified to find that his new acquaintance had a mind sharp enough to match his own. Standing in the parking lot, arms tightly wrapped around his conquest’s waist, Lindsey realises that he really wants this, wants this man who’s in the process of devouring his mouth. That for the first time in too many years Lindsey is actually feeling something.

Back in the cabin it isn’t long before they’re naked on the bed and it isn’t until he’s just about ready to sink inside Xander’s warm and willing body that Lindsey finally recognises his name. Dredged up from his memory, he sees an old file from Wolfram and Hart, detailing Angel’s life before LA. It talked about his time in Sunnydale and his romance with the Slayer. And somewhere in the file had been mention of those who fought at the Slayer’s side, including one Alexander Lavelle Harris. He drew back and looked down at the man he’d welcomed into his home, wondering just how badly he’d screwed up. From what he remembered Xander was the quintessential good guy and chances were that if he knew who’s bed he was in, the boy would run like hell.

But Lindsey had never pretended to be a good guy and so he ignored that little voice that told him he should leave the boy alone and lost himself in the passion that flared between them. Revelling in the boy’s innocent responses, realising that he was the first man to touch Xander like this; that his was the first cock to ever breach this virgin hole. He may have been inexperienced with men; but Xander more than made up for it with enthusiasm, arching his body into Lindsey’s every touch, writhing and twisting on the bed. Accepting everything Lindsey did to him, begging for more and taking it. Finally sobbing and pleading for release before slipping into unconsciousness.

Looking down at Xander’s sleeping form, Lindsey knew he had a decision to make. He didn’t exactly understand why, but Lindsey wanted Xander to stick around. He felt a connection with another person, possibly for the first time in his life and he didn’t want to lose that feeling. So when Xander woke, Lindsey began to talk. He told Xander everything, about Wolfram and Hart, Darla, Angel; everything he’d done. He expected Xander to walk away, hell he expected him to run, but he was wrong. Xander just looked at him and seemed to reach a decision of his own. Leaning in for a quick hard kiss, Xander simply told him, that he didn’t care about the past; and that so long as Lindsey was interested in Xander for who he was, not who his friends were, it didn’t matter.

It took a while for Lindsey to trust that Xander meant what he said. He kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Xander to throw up his hands and vilify him for the choices he’d made. Then they’d really started to talk and Lindsey heard about Xander’s life, his past, and realised that if Xander could find a place in his heart for a woman who’d savaged the male half of the human race for more than a thousand years, then his own crimes barely made a ripple. Xander was one of those rare people who just accepted you for who you were, how you acted now, and by some miracle of fate, he loved Lindsey.

They soon fell into an easy routine, Xander fixing up the cabin while Lindsey visited the shaman adding to his collection of tattoos. The rest of the time they spent together, making love or just trading stories; they stopped going into town, except for quick trips to pick up food, neither of them felt much of a need to be around anyone else. The only thing that separated them was Lindsey’s plan; it was the one thing they never actually talked about, Xander knew that Lindsey planned to go after Angel, even encouraged the idea of taking the vampire down, they both pretended it wouldn’t change anything although they knew it would tear them apart.

Lindsey never said the words out loud, never told Xander that he’d fallen in love with him. He knew that if he said the words, he’d have to face up to the way he felt. That he’d wind up making promises he wouldn’t be able to keep. It didn’t matter how much he wanted Xander, how badly he needed him; Lindsey just couldn’t give up his plan. He’d waited too long for his shot, and love wasn’t going to make him give up on his revenge. When the Shaman’s work was done, Lindsey knew he should just go; should disappear into the night and leave without a backwards look. Instead he found himself taking Xander with him, for one last visit to the medicine man and when they left they were wearing matching marks. In the last free space on his body was a red rune, a soul bond. It created a permanent link with Xander, bound them together closer than any marriage. It gave him something to hang onto, a hope that maybe this time he would win, and that there’d be something and someone waiting for him when he did.

That night he’d laid out every last detail of his plan for Xander, told him everything he was going to do. He knew how much he was risking, but couldn’t help himself, he had to trust that Xander wouldn’t betray him. They came together for the last time, and he desperately tried to imprint every sight and sound into his memory. Xander had come a long way in the time they’d been together, he’d been an eager pupil and Lindsey had loved every moment he’d spent teaching his lover how to please him. This was the first time Xander had taken control; he pushed Lindsey back against the pillows and folded his hands against the headboard. Telling him not to move, he began to caress Lindsey’s body; using fingers and tongue to tease every inch of exposed skin. He was driving Lindsey wild and it took him a while to realise that Xander was actually following the patterns of his tattoos, tracing the intricate pictures and covering them with his touch.

Moving down to Lindsey’s cock, Xander just swirled his tongue around the tip, gently nibbling and biting but never providing any real stimulation. Lindsey wanted to grab him, to haul him up and crush their lips together, to take charge as he always did; but for this one night he resolved to let Xander run the show, even if it did drive him crazy. Pulling back a little, Xander blew gently across the tip of Lindsey’s cock, causing him to squeeze his eyes shut and clench his hands in a vain attempt to let Xander keep control. Sighing in relief when he felt Xander’s hot mouth swallow him down to the root, he resisted the urge to thrust up into his throat. Then that wonderful mouth was gone but, before Lindsey could voice a protest, he felt Xander sink slowly down onto his cock, taking it deep inside his body.

Lindsey’s eyes snapped open and he watched as Xander’s greedy hole stretched around his cock and his hard won control was lost. He pulled himself up so he was sitting on the bed, feeling Xander’s legs wrap around his waist and hearing the groan ripped from his lover’s lips as the new position forced his cock even deeper into Xander’s ass. He crushed their lips together, anxious to taste himself in Xander’s mouth and then grasped the younger man’s hips and slowly began to move his body. Up and down, tortuously slow, Lindsey wanted this to last, to give them both a memory that would keep them warm in the lonely months to come. Watching his lover arch his back, his body straining desperately for release, Lindsey thought he’d never seen anything so beautiful. Xander’s eye darkened with passion and rolled back in his head, his voice issuing barely coherent pleas for release. Eventually it was too much for Lindsey and he began to thrust, feeling Xander’s internal muscles clench and pulsate around his cock, milking his orgasm from his body and he screamed as Xander followed him over the edge.

There were tears on both their faces as they drifted into an exhausted sleep. Lindsey woke first and grabbing his things he headed for the door. Pausing to look back at his lover, he realised he didn’t want to leave this way. He wanted to wake Xander, for a last kiss, a last fuck, or maybe just to see that look of love in his face one last time. He knew he couldn’t do it, if he had to face Xander now, he wouldn’t be able to leave and he’d come too far, paid too high a price to give up now. Seeing a pad on the table he wrote a short note, simple words, but they meant everything. “I promise I’ll be back. Wait for me. I love you.” Finally the words he’d never been able to say out loud, written for Xander to see, and Lindsey just hoped they were believed; hoped that Xander knew him well enough to understand how much he meant to him. With one last, regretful look at the bed, he left for LA.

Once he’d got there it had been pathetically easy to set his plan in motion. Angel was a shadow of his former self, letting Wolfram and Hart lead him around by the nose, barely even noticing how they’d isolated him from his mission. Finding Eve and seducing her had been almost too simple. She’d been angry at being rejected by Angel and was furious with the Senior Partners for treating her so badly. She’d fallen in love with the man Lindsey pretended to be for her and was soon willing to do whatever he wanted, giving him access to the office and any information he needed. Next to fall was Spike, he wanted to believe he had a purpose, that he was as important as his Sire. It didn’t take much for Lindsey to convince him that Angel wasn’t fit to be a champion and that the powers had selected Spike to take his place.

It’d been perfect, exactly as he’d planned; each piece falling into place on schedule and he’d been seconds away from bringing Angel crashing down. Perfect that is until she showed up. Cordelia Chase, that fucking Seer, turned out the powers did still care about their wretched champion and had given Cordelia the chance to fix him. Standing in the basement, knowing his plans had all been for nothing, feeling his mystical protection ripped away, Lindsey finally knew regret. Not that angel was winning once again, not that his plans had come to nothing, not even the fact that he was going to die; the thing that tortured him in his final moments was breaking his promise to Xander. Knowing his lover was going to feel him die, that the bond between them was still in place and that Xander was going to experience every agonising second.


Letting his eyes roll open again, Lindsey glanced up at Eve, damn it she was still going strong and he had better things to be doing with his time. He couldn’t help comparing her to Xander, the position was so similar to that last night with him; but that was the only similarity between now and then. Lindsey didn’t lose himself in Eve, didn’t feel anything but contempt for the body writhing above him, he was still just playing a part. Since Angel and his bunch of do-gooders had rescued him from hell, he’d been trying to find a place to fit. Letting them think he was here for Eve meant they thought they knew what he was doing and why. He needed to keep them happy long enough for him to figure out what he wanted to do next. 

He understood that Xander would know he was back, would have felt their bond flare into life the second he walked out of hell. He knew Xander would have left the cabin once he’d felt Lindsey die, and from the little he’d been able to find out from Angel’s people Xander was working for the Watchers Council. He had no way of knowing where to find him now and could only hope that when he finally did track Xander down that he’d still love him and want him back.

He knows there’s an apocalypse coming, the real one this time; and he knows that Angel’s going up against the Black Thorn. Trouble is he also knows that this is a battle Angel just can’t win. Don’t be mistaken, Lindsey hasn’t turned over some new leaf, hasn’t turned into a hero at the eleventh hour. It’s just that the end of the world doesn’t fit into his plans for the future. He still wants to see Angel fall, hopefully winding up bleeding and begging at his feet, but he doesn’t want him dead at the hands of the Senior Partners. If Angel’s the last line of defence, then Lindsey’s just going to have to figure out a way to keep him alive.

Suddenly Lindsey figures it out, a way to make this work, all he needs is an hour or two with files and records, and a way to find Xander. He needs to get started if he’s going to have enough time and that means he needs to get Eve off now. Letting his talented fingers play with her clit, he begins to thrust harder and faster, using every trick he knows to make her cum. It’s a relief when her sated body slides down onto the bed and she begins to doze. Walking into the bathroom to get cleaned up, Lindsey glances back at her for a second and feels almost guilty. She loves him so much, has given up everything to be with him and he doesn’t give a damn about her. He wonder’s if she’ll even survive when the Senior Partners figure out how badly she betrayed them. It looks like Xander really had rubbed off on him a bit. Chuckling to himself, Lindsey thought he’d picked a hell of a time to start developing a conscience.

THE END



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