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Cupid Can Kiss My Ass	By : saramas Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 3013 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Cupid Can Kiss My Ass
- 2-2/15/08
- 1
- 2
Chapter 1- 2/14/08

From my hands I could give you

Something that I made

From my mouth I could sing you another brick that I laid

From my body I could show you a place God knows

You should know the space is holy

Do you really want to go?

Mmmm yeah, baby,
�course I wanna go.

Shit, I was
having a really good dream there. Now I'll forget it. Fuck.

B, must've left
the alarm on again, she's lucky I like that song, �cause if it was some lame
shit like Bon Jo...

"10:55 on a
gloriously cold February day, if you haven't gotten your sweetheart anything
yet, don't worry...PANIC! No, don't worry folks there's still time. Hahaha.
Happy Valentine's Day everyone, here's a little love song to get your almost
afternoon started right and coming up after that we're giving away tickets
to..." *click*

FUCK!! FUCK!!
FUCKING MOTHERFUCK! Where the FUCK is my fuckin'
phone?

02/14/08. The
smug way the display says that makes me want to smash the fucker to bits.

Are you fuckin' shittin' me? I forgot
Valentine's Day? What the fuck kind of loser asshole am I? Don't fuckin' answer that if you know what's good for you.

Shit, I better
call Red. I dial the number and am really impatient as I wait for her to pick
up. Doesn't she know I'm in a shitload of trouble here?! Pick up!!

"Willow!
What? No! Ken just put her on. When? Why? Fuck that, you tell him I don't give
a rat's ass, I'm not goin'. Yeah? Shit, I'll see you
in thirty."

FUCK!! Fuckin' figures, roped into some bullshit vamp nest clean
up job and I don't have anything planned for later.

How, I repeat, how
in the fuck did I forget Valentine's Day? Buffy only dropped a ton of fuckin' hints about it all last week. What the hell did she
say she wanted again?

Oh God, I suck
at this stuff. Buffy's gonna leave my sorry ass in a
real fuckin' hurry.

What time is it?
10:57. Goddamn, no time to dwell on it now, Giles will get all pissed if I'm
late. Seems he doesn't like when vamp's nests don't get cleaned in a timely
fashion.

I hope cupid's bow shoots him square on the ass, that'll teach him.

Hey! There's an
idea, maybe I can have B's crossbow dipped in 18 carat gold and coated with
diamonds and then shoot Giles in the ass with it.

That would be
sweet. B would kill me, once the diamonds stopped blindin'
her. She likes bling. Well, she's more of a simple
jewelry kind of girl, but still she would shit if I got her a diamond.

Not that I'm
about to propose or anything, it's just...well fuck it, she's probably expectin' that. I mean we've been together almost 2 years.

When I think
about it, that's longer than I've ever done anything in my life, except jail,
and even then I didn't stick with it. Things have been goin'
really good lately, well except for today's big colossal fuck up. But that's
me, Faith the Fuckup.

Ok, I better get
my ass in that shower before Giles rats me out to B. I don't want her gettin' pissed at me before she gets pissed at me for forgettin' this stupid fuckin'
stupid ass day.

Wasn't there
some big massacre on Valentine's day? I think I
remember readin' about it in one of those books my
uncle used to leave around the house. I wouldn't mind massacrin'
the fuckwad who invented this day.

Don't get me
wrong, I love romance and shit, it's just why do I have to be forced to do
something on a particular day when I practically do the romance thing every
day? I mean, well, ok so maybe screwin' is not
exactly romance, but it is when you love someone as much as I love Buffy.

And ok, I don't
pick flowers for her every mornin' or even tell her I
love her all the time, but she knows I do.

Ugh, I suck. I'm
so screwed!

*****

I can't say that
I'm not lost and at fault

I can't say that I don't love the light and the dark

I can't say that I don't know that I am alive

And all of what I feel I could show

You tonight you tonight

Oh you don't
mean nothing at all to me

No you don't mean nothing at all to me

Do you got what it takes to set me free

Oh you could mean everything to me

Hey, that's the
song that woke me up this morning. It's got a really good beat. B loves it, she practically played it every freakin'
minute when it was first out.

I've never
really listened to the lyrics before now. That's what usually happens when I'm
alone in my car, I actually pay attention to the song.
Otherwise I'm usually doin' somethin'
else (namely Buffy) and could care less about anything except the beat.

I always thought
this was a love song, what does she mean by, "You don't mean nothing at
all to me"?

Whatever. Shit, I think
of some dumb things when I'm on my own. Soon I'll be at Stick Up the Ass Headquarters A.K.A Giles' place and I need to
focus on how I'm gonna take out these bastards that
are terrorizin' the area around the Seaport.

Oh, and don't
tell anyone that I'm defendin' New York City, if the
family and friends I have left in Boston ever found out, it could mean trouble.

Mostly because
Boston and NY are bitter sports rivals, we love to hate this city. I don't even
want to go into the travesty that was the Patriots losin'
the Super Bowl to the Giants a couple of weeks ago. Let's just fuckin' forget that happened, ok?

Red and Ken had
on Giants gear and were giving me shit the whole game. B had my back though,
because she thinks Tom Brady is super cute. Which he is, there's no denyin' that.

It's funny the
way she picks what team to root for. She'd never admit it, but even before we
were a couple she always looked at whatever team I liked and would go with that
one.

She even bought
a Redsox cap a few years ago and when Xander questioned it she said it was because it had a B on
it. But when he wasn't looking she looked at me with a shy smile and I knew she
wanted to support something I felt passionately about. It was then that I knew
she was into me.

I wonder if I
wasn't in the picture now, and she met Tom Brady if she'd go for him. Probably,
I mean who wouldn't? I'd even give him a couple of goes. Well I would, back
when I was into that.

But Buffy, she's
into tall guys, way into tall guys. I mean none of the guys she was with
before were short. Oh, except for that muchkin fucknut Scott Hope.

Man, B would
totally go for Tom! Then they'd have all these cute blonde kids runnin' around and bein'
overachievers.

Why am I grippin' the steerin' wheel so
tight and why am I picturin' my hands around Tom
Brady's neck? I mean besides the fact that he lost the Super Bowl.

Wow, I'm really
getting pissed off at the thought of Tom Brady doin'
my girl and havin' the family I'm supposed to have
with her! I have to get a grip or else I'm gonna run
off the road.

Calm,
think calming things. Like Buffy nuttin' out on
me for forgettin' Valentine's day.
Ahhhhhh.
Better.

And what was
that about her and I havin' a family?

Man, shoot me.

Ok, so where was
I? Oh right, NYC. It's really grown on me I'll have to say, way better than any
other city has grown on me. I don't even mind the mind numbin'
cold, I kinda like the pain. B still hasn't gotten
used to it, bein' from California and all, but it was
her idea to come here so she'll never admit it. Stubborn little--- God I love
that little runt.

Score! A parkin' space, and I didn't have
to drive around for an hour to find it. I'm glad me and B live in a place that
has a parkin' lot. The first place we were in didn't
and I used to have to drive around and around to find a space. B decided we
should move the night after I almost killed someone for stealin'
a space I had been waitin' almost 2 hours for.

I ain't lyin' by the way. Ain't no joke about tryin' to park in the city, especially if it snows. You
might as well get a snow mobile and park on a snowbank.

I'm thinkin' right about now you're wonderin'
why we don't just take the train everywhere. Well, we did at first. But fightin' vamps and demons really puts a cramp in your
personal style, and people kept reporting' us to the cops because of the way we
looked after fights. Plus, you try gettin' a long bow
on a train. Ain't happenin'.

So, rather than
explain why I have a dislocated shoulder and bruises all over us and gettin' our gear confiscated and us gettin'
arrested, we decided the Council has enough funds to spring for a car for each
of us. We do car pool a lot so we're in compliance with the environment and all
that shit. I mean God forbid we shave a day or two off the planet's life after savin' it's ungrateful ass more times than I care to
remember.

Every time I
don't carpool or recycle and Buffy gets on my shit I just remind her without us
the planet would have been toast years ago. She just glares at me and I know to
apologize and move on because it's a battle I'm not gonna
win.

Ok, I'm ready to
go in. Time to get this party started! Then I can figure out what I'm going to
do about later.

"So, where
is this nest exactly?"

Giles lets out a
sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose. He's been so frustrated with me he
hasn't had his glasses on since I got here. What's fuckin'
new?

"Faith,
would you kindly please listen this time?"

"'Course,
I'm all ears. I just wanna be 100% on where it
is." I lie, I was busy tryin to figure out what
I was gonna buy Buffy for this stupid day.

"Paying
attention would help." Kennedy has the balls to comment.

"Hey, boarding
school. Mind your own f- uh business." Don't want Giles reportin' me to Buffy for swearin'.

How lame is
that? She swears like a sailor when we're gettin'
busy but she doesn't like me swearin' in front of her
precious watcher. She's nuts.

"It is my
business when I'm having to pick up all the slack
�cause you can't stop thinking about Buffy long enough to find out where we're
going."

I crack my
knuckles and she smirks.

She leans more
forward in her chair, invadin' my space a little too
much. I don't know why but suddenly I feel like smashin'
my fist in her face.

Oh wait, I know
why, because she's pushin' me and she's been beggin' for a beat down since I got here. That's
why.

"Touched a
nerve, huh?" She winks at me with a smug smile plastered on her face.

Keep it goin' bitch and I'll be touchin'
several nerves when I rip your spinal column out through your throat.

I lean forward
in my own chair until she can feel my presence all nice and ominous before her.

"Ya know, K," I start off sweetly, like I'm sharin' something she'll love hearin'.
"I'm only nice to you because my girl's your girl's best friend. And truth
be told, I like Will. I'd hate for her to be upset because your face was
smashed... while we were fightin' the vamps, of
course."

I scan Giles'
face to see if he's gettin' madder or if he's happy
I'm dealin' with the brat's attitude. He's got a
little smile on his face so, �Yay me'.

"Oh,
really?"
She chuckles.

"Yeah,"
I smile a smug smile of my own and practically purr, "you
should watch your back."

"If you two
are quite finished postulating, here's the address. I'm sure you can decipher
where it is using that infernal GPS unit you are so fond of." Giles just
saved Kennedy's face.

On our way to
the car Kennedy feels the need to bond again. She's got some fuckin' death wish.

"Look,
Faith. What's your problem with me, really?"

"Nothin'"

"Bullshit,"
She stops walkin' and waits for me to turn around.
"You've been wanting to kick my ass ever since
Will and I got back to the States."

"Kennedy,"
I walk towards her and turn on the menace. "Whatever you worked up in your
head what my problem with you is, don't flatter yourself. When we're not
together I hardly even know you exist. Like I said, you're Will's girl and that
makes you matter, passed that you're not worth my time." I cock my head to
the side and stare at her face to see if she gets the picture.

She looks pissed
off, then comes to a decision and blows past me. "Let's get this over
with."

"Gladly"
I open the door to the car and slide into the seat.

"You got
the address?"

"Nope,"

She scoffs, and
looks at me with contempt all over her face, she really doesn't know when to
quit.

"Heard
Giles the first time." I smirk and peel outta
the space like I'm on a mission. Which is exactly what this is, but not the one
everyone would think.

It's a mission
to make this Valentine's the best ever for Buffy, everything else is
insignificant.

For some reason
Kennedy's attitude makes me appreciate Buffy a thousand times more. I think I
might get something for Willow too, she deserves
something nice if her girl's this much of a bitch.

"Here we
are." I stop the car on a dime and look over at Kennedy. "You ok over
there?"

"Yeah,
fine."

"You look
like you're three shades of green."

"Your driving sucks." She says
lookin' like she's trying to swallow sand.

"Hey, got
us here didn't I?"

She shakes her
head. "Buffy give you lessons?" And now her smartass smirk is back
on.

"Maybe
Willow should give you lessons on how not to piss off a slayer."

"You think
you're the only slayer in this car or something?"

"You think
you're gonna keep my fist outta
your face or somethin'?"

"Try
me."

That just pisses
me off even more. She'd jeopardize our job here to try and win some bullshit pissin' contest that she started over nothin'.

"Let's just
get this done, I don't want you to go home with your face all bruised on
Valentine's day. Will might get all witchy on me."

"Like
you could take me."

"Ok,
junior, whatever you say. Look, I'm gettin' outta this car and gettin'
medieval on those vamps in there, and I'm gettin' out
and goin' home. You can stay here and look for somethin' else to fight about, but you're doin' it without me. Get it through your spoiled brat head
that I'm not fightin' with ya.
Got it?"

I don't wait for
her answer as I get out and slam the door. I've had enough of that shit. She
and I are done. Giles better start sendin' her with
someone else or she's gonna end up in traction.

I parked three
blocks from the warehouse with the nest, now I'm sneakin'
in through the roof. I look down and see about four vamps sleepin'
on cots, one vamp is up and on the phone.

Seems
he's tryin' to get someone to deliver food, probably
so they can eat the delivery person. Sure enough I hear him hang up and order
from another food place.

Fuckfaces! I'm so gonna
love stakin' their undead asses. I wait until Ken's
beside me before I give her the signal, the plan is for me to jump down and
take as many of them as I can, she's gonna wait until
it gets dicey and then jump into it.

Here
goes somethin'.

I
jump down on the guy who was busy ordering delivery people for lunch and
quickly dust him. Score, it was mid sentence, I love shit like that.

Hearin' the commotion, three of the vamps wake
up and I put stakes through two of �em. Quick and easy as fuckin' pie. The
other one wakes up and gets in a couple of good shots before his ass is blowin' in the wind, too.

Fuck, that was way too easy. I was hopin' for more of a fight. I look up and Ken's legs are
still danglin' through the skylight, her mouth is
open like she just witnessed something great.

That's
�cause she did. Now she knows she was a dumbass for tryin' to pick a fight with me. I've gotten a lot better
since she was here last. What can I say? I was all power and no control back
then, but after training with the Queen of Control for the past two years, I'm
like a controlled tornado. I leave death and destruction of the undead and demony bastards in my wake.

I
think that was all of them. I don't feel anything vampy, but we have to look to
be sure. I look up and give Ken another signal to join me in the search.

We
slowly and methodically make our way through the building, leavin'
nothin' unturned. By the time we're done with the top
two floors the front door rings, I send Ken another signal to tell her she
should hide. She looks at me questioningly, and I glare back. She gets the
message.

I
stealthily make my way to the door, sensin' no
weirdness I open it.

"'Hey, how's it goin'? That'll be
$22.50."

Fuckin' sweet!! I'm so hungry I could kiss
this dude, but I just flash him a grin and give him $30. He really should be payin' me because I saved his life, but he'll never know,
and somehow I've gotten to like that feelin'. No need
for these people to know how close they came, just doin'
our jobs.

"Thanks
for the tip!"

I
nod and close the door. Kennedy laughs when she sees what I've got in my hands.

"You
ordered pizza?"

"Nah,
the vamps were plannin' a pizza-delivery-guy party.
Good thing though, I'm fuckin' starvin',
didn't get a chance to eat." I manage to say before I start stuffin' two pieces in my mouth at once. Bastards didn't
bother orderin' toppings, oh well, it's
food.

Kennedy
must've eatin' because she only takes two slices and doesn't
look like she's too interested in them. Whatever. Her eatin' habits are not my problem.

After
I had my fill of pizza, and a couple of beers (vamps don't need to eat or drink
but they love to get drunk) we finish the search.

Whoo,
that
was some fuckin' mission. Makes me feel like gettin' some, but B's nowhere to be found, she hasn't
called me and I'm not callin' her in case she's on to
me about forgettin' about today.

I
just dropped Kennedy at Giles', she's gonna fill him
in on the who, what, where; and now I'm goin' home to grab a shower and go shoppin'.
I still have no clue what I'm gonna get.

Chocolates? Sure why not, B loves sugar and
chocolate's a fav. Roses? Maybe. What am I thinkin'? Of
course, I gotta go with the whole dozen roses thing, at least. What else? Shit.

I
guess I'll figure it out.

*****

In
the day

In the night

Say it all

Say it right

You either got it

Or you don't

You either stand or you fall

When your will is broken

When it slips from your hand

When there's no time for joking

There's a hole in the plan

This
is the third time I heard part of that song, and a truer lyric couldn't have
been sung for my situation.

Huge
hole in my plan is the fact that I don't know what else to get B and I don't
think Roses and chocolates are really gonna be
enough. I'm freakin' out here because she's gonna have this whole big thing planned and I'm gonna look like the jackass I am because I got dick to show
for how I feel about her.

I
mean for all I know she hasn't been in touch because she's rented out some room
and she's busy gettin' it all decorated for a big
love fest she had planned. My heart starts poundin'
at that thought and I have to take a moment to calm myself.

I
should call Dawn to see what to get Buffy. Damn, I can't, not only is she
probably not home, but I can't let her know that I didn't know enough about her
sister to be able to buy her a V'Day present.

Not
that Dawnie hates me or nothin',
but she'd store that info for when I made her mad and then rat me out to B to
see me squirm. She's a typical pain in the ass little sis.

Maybe
I should just call her to see if she knows where B is and what she's up to.
Maybe just say hi, see how she's doin'.

Yeah,
that's what I'll go with.

"Hey, Dawn, Happy Valentine's Day. I was hopin' I'd get a chance to talk to you but you're probably
out with your honey. Just wanted to wish you a good one.
And by "one" you do know what I mean, right? hehehe. Love ya, Squirt.
Talk to ya soon. Bye."

Knew
she wouldn't be answering her phone.

Ok,
so for the past hour I've been walking around the city, and I've ended up here.

37
Wall Street.

37
Wall Street, for those of you who may not be familiar with NYC, happens to be
the other Tiffany and Co. store in Manhattan.

Ok,
so I lied, I didn't just happen upon this store; I set up this
"consultation" because I have no clue what I'm doing when it comes to
buyin' jewelry. Fencin' the
stuff yeah, I'm your girl, but not buyin' it.

I
want this to be all legitimate, don't want Buffy gettin' questioned by the cops about where she got that
shiny new ring. 'Sides, I don't do shit like takin'
what ain't mine anymore.

The
guy behind the counter, Max, tells me all about the 4 C's, I look at the rings
and they're just blinding me. He mistakenly thinks I'm looking at these so I
can tell my fianc� which one I want. He tells me to try one on. Why not? Maybe
B will want to get me one of these one day. I choose
the one in the Tiffany setting.

Damn.
Doesn't that look good. I get this funny feeling in my
heart and suddenly tears spring to my eyes.

"Yes,
they have that effect on many ladies." Max says.

"I
guess," I say while holding my hand out to him so he can remove the ring.
"I'm not sure what that was about, though."

Again, another lie. I know damn
well what that was about. It was about me loving B so much that I'm considering
buying one of these things and askin' her to be with
me forever.

And
it was also about me. About the fact that I'm not the fucked up girl I once was
who would be thinking of a way to steal that ring and quickly get cash for it.

I
finally settle on a pink sapphire and diamond shared setting band. It's not the
engagement ring, but she'll love it anyway, and some other time I can get the
matching one in blue sapphire. I swallow as I give Max my
credit card. He asks if I need it wrapped and I nod, I guess he figured out it
wasn't for me, especially since the ring I picked was a size smaller then my
ring size.

A
little while later he hands me my package and gives me a wink. "She's a
very lucky girl."

"Nah,
it's me who's the lucky one. Thanks for all your help, Max."

"It
was a pleasure, Faith. And if you're ever in the market for that engagement
ring you let me know. Here's my card."

"I
really appreciate it. You guys do layaway?" I say with a smirk and a wink
so he'll know I'm kiddin'.

"Take
care."

"You
too, thanks."

I
have my little blue box all wrapped up in my little blue bag and I feel like
I'm walkin' on air. You'd think I actually liked this
holiday.

What's
next? I already got the flowers on my way back from Giles', so I stop into my
favorite candy store, it's got everything. I get B some of the chocolates she
loves, Dark, of course. She loves the dark. And now I'm on my way back home. I
wonder what I should do for dinner.

After
the day I've had I don't really want to cook and I'm not sure when B'll be home. I don't even remember where she was goin' today. I look around our apartment in the usual spots
she leaves notes and I don't see anything. I guess I should look through the
delivery menus; I decide on the Chinese place we love. She can get sushi if she
wants, I feel like havin' something spicy. Yes, my
eyebrows just wiggled at that sentence.

Ha!
Even though I've become more mature, I'll never get rid of the suggestiveness.
It's just too funny to me. Anyway, more mature to me means not beatin' people for no good reason.

While
I wait for B to get home I make some hearts out of red and pink construction
paper like we used to do in school. I didn't even know I remembered how to do
that. She'll think it's cute because I'll wrap them around the light over the
dining room table, and hang them around the walls. I decide to set the table
all romantic and shit. That's me Queen of Romance.

I
put the roses in a vase and place them in the middle of the table. The
chocolates I leave by the bedside table. That'll be desert. Another
eyebrow wiggle.

Yeah,
I'm hopin' to get some tonight. Not because of the
ring, but because I haven't seen B all day and I really want to be with her.
But if she gets home and is tired and all, then I'll just give her a bath, feed
her and burp her. Heh. Whatever she wants.

She'll
probably want a massage, and they usually put her to sleep so I might be goin' solo tonight. It's cool. I'll just have to wake her
up in the middle of the night with some creativity.

I
hear the door to the apartment open and Buffy calls out. "Hey, baby! I'm
home! Faith?" And then nothin'
I bet she's lookin' at the table and the stuff around
the apartment. I kinda over decorated. I make my way
through the kitchen and catch the look on her face. She looks panicked. Oh
fuck, that's not good.

She's
leavin' me.

A
thousand scenes go through my head, includin' one
where Tom Brady moves his shit in here as I move mine out. Way awkward and no
matter how cute he is, he'd get a beat down.

Ok,
I better stop the crazy shit. B reaches out to me and takes my hand in hers. I
catch another look on her face, it's guilt. And then
it hits me.

She
fuckin' forgot Valentine's Day, too!

I
start laughin' and pull her into a hug. She's laughin' too, mostly because I am, but hers sounds a little
nervous.

"Faith,"
Her voice sounds a little strained. "Breathing becoming
an issue, sweety."

"Oh, sorry, B." I let go.
"I'm just so happy to see you, I haven't talked
to you all day."

"Don't
you remember I said I'd be gone all day today? Giles had me and Will check out that dimension for the Vase thingy."

I'm
sure she means some bullshit thing that Giles needs to do one of his spells,
but she really pays as much attention as I do at those stupid meetings.

"Now,
I do," I lie. "Kinda forgot, babe.
Sorry." She's looking around again at the table and the hearts and
flowers.

"Baby,"
She's getting nervous again.

"Ya forgot didn't ya?"

"Well,
I wouldn't say that..."

"Yeah,
well what would ya say?"

She
sighs and walks over to the flowers.

"Ok,
I forgot. Sorta. I mean, I had plans and was all ready to put them into
place, but I forgot it was today. We were really busy all day, and Will was in
a grumpy mood so we didn't get to talk much. I think she and Kennedy are having
problems."

Ah,
explains why Kennedy wanted me to beat her down today. She and Will must've had
a fight and she was itchin' to take out her
frustrations on me.

Time
to let Buffy off the hook, I don't want her all uncomfortable, that's not what
this day was supposed to be about.

"C'mere B," I reach out to her and she looks hesitant.
Like I'm gonna make her squirm more.
"Buffy." I give her my serious look.

She
steps up to me and puts her arms around my waist, lookin'
into my eyes and takin' my breath away.

"I'm
sorry, Faith." She's back to lookin' guilty.
"I made such a big deal out of this day and then..."

I
place my finger on her lips so she can't say anymore. Then I lean in and
replace my finger with my lips. It's a soft and sweet kiss that I deepen when I
hear her moan.

I
pull her closer and she wraps a leg around mine. Damn, she gets me goin' so fast it's unreal.

I
have to break away or I'm gonna forget what I had to
say to her. She's breathin' heavy and apparently I'm
not the only one who was cravin' our contact today.
She's got that look in her eyes that says dinner might
have to wait until later. Much later.

"B,"
I manage to rasp out as I lay my forehead on hers. "Don't be sorry, baby.
You're not the only one who forgot about today. I was woken up by the alarm and
the dude on the radio said it was Valentine's Day. I've been runnin' around like a chicken with my head cut off all day
�cause I didn't have anything planned."

She
laughs. "So, we're two dorks."

"Pretty much."

"But
still, you did remember and you did all this." She pulls away to look at
the dining room.

"Yeah, but only because you left the alarm on. I probably
wouldn't have thought anything of it and we would've spent tomorrow wonderin' how we both forgot that today was Valentine's day."

"You
would have made out like I'm the one who forgot and you didn't say anything
because you wanted to see if I'd remember."

"Hey!
Am I doin' that now?"

"Ow!" I pinched her. "Brute."
She slaps me on the arm.

"Oh
yeah, who's the brute? I give you a little pinch and you man
handle me."

She
laughs again and then looks at my lips like they're chocolate and she wants to
bite them. I suck my lower lip into my mouth a little to make it wet and plump,
then I blow her a kiss giving her a challenging wink. She leans in and licks my
bottom lip; I don't make a move at all. She pulls back and her eyebrow raises in a challenge of her own. Little
minx.

"Little baby." She smirks, rubbin' the place on my arm where she slapped me.

"You
want me to man handle you?" I grab her hips and thrust my pelvis into
hers.

"Oh,
yeah baby, you know I love when you act all gorilla-ish."

I
give her my best monkey grunt and start to tickle her. She's laughin' so hard she can't get a good grip on my wrists to
stop me and I back her up into the wall. I stop just long enough to reach
behind her thighs and pull her legs up around my waist.

I'm
the only thing that's stoppin' her from fallin' to the floor so she wraps her arms around my neck
and holds on for dear life. That gives me an opportunity to lift up her sweater
to just under her breasts and hold my fingers dangerously close to her sides.

"Faith,
don't!!"

�Don't
what?" I wiggle my fingers. I can feel the shudder go through her, I don't
even need to touch her skin to make her tremble. I love that I can do that to
her. I concentrate on my fingertips and even I'm getting goosebumps
from the thought of the tickles. B's always ticklish from the lightest touches,
she laughs and stuff when I'm full on tickling her, but the stuff that really
gets to her are the light touches to her sides and armpits. I'm the same way.

Wait, forget I
just said that. You use that knowledge against me and my "not murdering
innocent people" days are over. Got it? Good.

Where
was I? Oh yeah, about to mind tickle, B. As long as it's not a mind fuck, �cause
I only like the real thing for that one.

Buffy
whispers out, "Please," and that's it, I cave. I place my hands
firmly on her sides and pull her into a heart stoppin'
kiss. Backin' us up I use my senses to feel for the
chair and I sit us down. Buffy shifts on my lap so her legs go over the arm of
the chair. She's suckin' on my tongue like it's a
piece of candy and I'm about 2 seconds from shovin'
everything from the table onto the floor and havin'
my way with her. That's when I feel the hard item shift in my pocket from the
weight of Buffy's ass on it and she lets out a little squeal.

"Oh,
baby, is that a present in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
She jokes.

I
wiggle my eyebrows and shift her on my lap so she's sittin'
on my other leg. She looks into my eyes and realizes she was right.

"Faith,
oh God, don't tell me you got me something else on top of all this?" She
gestures to the table.

"Ok,
I won't but you hate when I lie to ya, so don't fuckin' get mad at me for doin'
what ya want." I reach into my pocket and pull
out the blue package. It's a little wrinkled from our messin'
around. The bow's still in tact though. That's
amazing. "Here, I didn't get you anything."

She
instantly recognizes the blue color of the paper and her eyes bug out of her
head.

"Oh, no, Faith. You
didn't."

"Depends
on what you think I didn't do."

Her
eyes narrow and look at the package like they were lookin'
at my lips earlier. She looks like her throat has gone dry.

I
take her hand from around my neck and place the box on her upturned palm.

"Go
ahead, beautiful. Open it."

She
snaps out of her mini trance and brings her other hand to the bow. She looks at
me again before opening it.

"Am
I gonna need tissues for this?"

"You
need tissues for a freakin' laundry detergent commercial,
B."

"Hey,
those are heart wrenching sometimes!"

"Yeah,
whatever you say. Go ahead an open it already or I'm takin'
it back!"

"You're
so mean. I'm gonna make Giles give you permanent
patrol duties with Kennedy."

"Let's
not be too, crazy there baby, I was only jokin'. �Sides, I think Red would like to have a girlfriend
with a face and Kennedy is cruisin' to lose
hers."

"That bad today, huh?"

"You
knew I had to patrol with her?"

"Yeah,
I suggested Giles call you to get the job done, he sent Kennedy with you
probably to get her out of his hair. Sorry."

"Whatever,
I dealt. I just couldn't figure out why she was dyin'
to have my fist slam into her face, until now."

"I
don't know, Willow was all clammed up."

"Well,
that's not our problem right now, our problem is this
package that's not gettin' opened. Are ya scared, little girl?"

"Yeah, right." She chuckles
and then gets a serious look on her face. I'm not holdin'
my breath, I just forgot how to do it. "I love
you, ya know?"

"Yeah,
I know. And I love you. So open it already."

She
undoes the bow and sets it on the table. Next is the paper that she carefully
opens and sets aside. She smiles as she sees the little blue satin pouch.

"They
really know how to wrap a present."

"Fuckin' A,
huh?"

"Exactly." She chuckles.

Now
it's just her, me and the ring box. I'm almost as anxious to find out what's in
it as she is. �Cause I'm stupid like that.

She
finally opens the box and I can see a fleeting look of disappointment, followed
by a look of beauty. She loves the ring and I can tell the color and style were
just right for her. I'm so fuckin' happy I want to
lift her up and prance around the room. But I'm not a freak, so I don't.

"Oh, Faith. It's beautiful.
I love it!" Told ya.

"Not as beautiful as you though, B. But I thought
it was your color."

"Are
these diamonds and sapphires?"

"Ummm, well, diamoniques
and watermelon Jolly Ranchers." I smile her favorite dimpled smile.

"It's
beautiful anyway, even if it wasn't real, I'd still love it because it came
from you."

That
makes my heart feel like it's gonna explode and now I
wish I'd gotten the other ring too. Not that this ring had different
implications, but she doesn't know that. She would have instantly known my
intentions with the other ring and actually I'm kinda
glad I went this route. I can always get that other one for another occasion.
Like �Saturday Eve' or somethin'.

She
holds the box and her right hand out expectantly to me so I can put it on one
of her fingers. I take the ring out of the box and then place the box on the
table next to the wrapping.

"Now
I know what you were thinkin' before you opened this,
B. You were thinkin' �God damn! I'm gonna give her the best head of her life right after we get
this present thing over with.'"

I
wiggle the trusty brows. "Didn't ya?"

She
scoffs, "You're nuts."

"Ms. States-the-obvious much?" I put on my
best Cordy imitation.

"Oh, God! Cordy's
channeling your body?" She gets a look of happy surprise on her face. "How fucking hot is that?! I always wanted to do
her."

Touch�
mon ch�ri.
Touch�. Yeah, I know French so fuck off.

Sorry
for gettin' pissed there but the green eyed monster
just reared it's ugly head
for a second. Again.

"B,
ya want..." Calm, let me be calm. "Ok,
you're right," I sigh. "I shouldn't have joked around while I was tryin' to ask you to marry me."

Cue
the pin drop and hear it clang to the floor as it hits.

She's
blinkin' and her mouth is hung open like her brain
just fried. And I guess it did.

I
push her right hand out of the way like it cut in front of me in line, well a
bit gentler than that actually �cause I hate people
who cut, and I take her left hand in mine.

"You
know I don't do the traditional thing, at the traditional time." I place a
kiss on her ring finger and issue another challenge by way of the eyebrow. She
returns the look.

I
gotta step this up or we'll be issuing challenges
with facial expressions all night.

"So,
what's it gonna be, blondie?"

"Yes,"
She whispers and spreads her pinkie and middle fingers a bit more outta the way so I can put on the ring. Yeah, that's it
baby, spread �em.

I'm
glad my brain censors some of the shit that pops into it.

I
manage to slip the ring on her finger without sayin'
anything that's gonna get me a night on the couch,
and she gets a big grin on her face; her eyes are all admiring.

�Faith, it's
just so pretty."

"I
know," I say, not takin' my eyes off her face.

"Thank
you, baby."
She leans in and whispers, "I love you." before she captures my lips
in a slow, sweet kiss.

When we break
for air I lean back and say, "Love you, too." I look up and notice
she's got tears in her eyes.

"Oh, baby,
don't cry." As usual that gets the tears rollin'
even harder. "C'mon, B. Why the waterworks? We
were doin' good here. All happy and
junk, right?" She nods.

"I-
Oh, Faith."
She starts blubbin' harder.

"B, if you
don't stop, you're gonna make me cry and we both know
that's not a pretty sight." She sniffles but that didn't help any. "Donna kay missa
chicabay."

She snorts at
that. "Fay wan' pop." I think that did it,
she's full on laughin' now. She loves when I speak
Nell-ish. What can I say, I pick up languages easy.
It's a gift.

She looks at me
all shy and now I wanna cry. She can make my heart
break with a single look, or a gentle touch. I'm so whipped. With her hand in
mine I squeeze it a little harder tolet her know I've
got her back and I subconsciously rub the ring.

Fuck, she said
yes. The magnitude of what just happened hits me like a ton of bricks and that feelin' I had in Tiffany's comes back.

"Faith,
what's wrong with your eyes?" She's such a smartass.

"They're peein'."

"Sicko."

"Takes
one to know one."

"No, really
baby, why're you crying?"

"'Cause
I'm a fuckup."

"What?! No, Faith. I'm
the fuckup!"

"Yeah, and
pigs fuckin' fly." I let go of her hand and take
her face in my hands. "I mean it, B. You're the best thing that EVER
happened to me. And you just said �Yes'. I can't believe you said �Yes'!"
I kiss her and she slips her tongue into my mouth. We both moan into it as she
starts suckin' on my tongue.

"You want
to go and cry some more in the bedroom?" She says as she breaks away from
the kiss.

"Yes,"
I rasp out. She goes to get up and I get all chivalrous, gathering her into my
arms more securely and stand up. "You're about to be drowned in a flood, baby."

She chuckles and
wiggles her eyebrows. "Don't I know it."

Did I say she
was a smartass?
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