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A Mile in My Shoes	By : NeenaVarscona Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > Slash - Male/Male > Spike(William)/Xander > Spike(William)/Xander Views: 4135 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Disclaimer: Joss Whedon, ME, Fox, UPN, Kuzui Enterprises�gosh, pretty much everyone but myself�own the rights to Buffy and the other characters in her universe.

Setting: Season 5, before Joyce�s demise.

~~~~~
�Oh, please! Xander, if you think women have it easy then you don�t know the first thing about women!� Buffy was starting to get frustrated. They�d been arguing for half an hour now, and she was no closer to winning.

�Not only do women have it easier than men�you have it easier than other women. You�re like a woman with a side order of super-strength. Me, on the other hand�I�m just a guy with no super anything, which means everyone expects me to be all brave and macho, and I�m constantly getting my ass seriously kicked.� He gave Anya a glare and she stuck her tongue out at him.

Willow sighed, bored with the argument and wishing Anya would take Xander back, just so he�d stop moaning. Anya had just dumped him; this time because she was convinced he was going to die and she didn�t want to face the emotional consequences when it happened. And she was convinced he was going to die because he kept fighting along side Buffy when he really wasn�t very good at it. Xander didn�t take that very well, and he refused to quit the Scoobies, even though it meant she�d leave him.

So now they were clumped around a tiny table in The Bronze, listening to Xander bitch about women.

�So you think being me is a breeze?� Buffy said, her voice getting louder. �I would gladly trade places with you. I could use a holiday from the hell that is my life right now.�

�You�re on!� said Xander. �You have no idea how hard it is being me.�

�Fine, great,� said Willow, rolling her eyes. �You�re her and she�s you, and we�re all agreed that both your lives suck. Can we move on now, please? I�ve got to go home soon�I promised Tara I�d be home early so we could study.�

�Here here,� said Anya and exchanged a smile with Willow. It was one of the few times they�d ever agreed on anything.

�I�m willing to call it a draw,� said Buffy sportingly.

�So am I,� Xander jumped in. �Even though I know I�m right.� That started them going again, and it looked like there was no end of it in sight.

Willow turned to Anya: �I don�t know about you, but I came here to dance. Want to join me?�

�I appreciate the offer, Willow. But we don�t have interlocking parts, so I just don�t see the point.�

�I didn�t mean�urgh!� Willow grunted in exasperation and went off alone to the dance floor.

�What�s with Will?� asked Xander, watching his best friend stomp away for no apparent reason. Anya shrugged and took a sip of her drink, and Xander and Buffy resumed their argument as if nothing had happened.

~~~~~
The next morning, even before she was fully awake, Buffy knew there was something wrong. For one thing, she heard snoring, and it wasn�t coming from Riley. And then there was the fact that her feet reached all the way to the end of the bed.

Riley draped his arm around her and snuggled up behind her�obviously feeling a little frisky. But Buffy was so not in the mood. Actually, she hadn�t been in the mood with Riley for a long time now, but she refused admit it. Feeling his hardness rubbing against her back, she groaned in protest and was surprised at how deep it sounded.

Buffy wasn�t the only one who was surprised. Riley�s eyes flew open at the un-Buffy-like sound and promptly fell out of bed. Buffy rolled onto her back and cracked her eyes open. Riley was staring at her like she�d grown a second head, a possibility she wasn�t quick to dismiss�stranger things had happened in Sunnydale.

�Wh-what are you doing here?� he squeaked, quickly grabbing his pillow to cover himself up.

Buffy raised herself up on her elbows and frowned at him. �What do you mean, �what am I doing here�?� she asked and bolted upright at the sound of her voice, clasping her hands over her mouth. That was not her voice coming out of her mouth. In fact, it wasn�t even her mouth it had come out of. Her fingers felt sharp stubble on her chin and went on to investigate the rest of her face. It was definitely not the same face she�d had when she went to bed last night.

�Oh, ha-ha. Very funny. Is Buffy hiding in the closet or something? You can come out now�joke�s over.�

Buffy�s mouth went dry. She let her eyes drop and saw that it wasn�t just her face that had undergone a transformation during the night. Her arms were larger and covered in dark hairs, and her chest� Buffy blinked in disbelief and looked up at Riley, who was quickly losing his temper.

�I�m serious,� he said, opening the closet door and checking behind the curtains. �I don�t find this funny at all.�

�Believe me, Riley�I don�t find it funny either,� said Buffy, climbing out of bed. She felt oddly weak and achy, and her feet seemed like they were miles away. She suddenly felt dizzy and reached out to Riley for support.

Riley backed away at the last second, and Buffy lost her balance, grabbing him around the waist and knocking the pillow out of his hands as she fell. She pulled herself up slowly, standing shakily on unfamiliar legs. Then she looked down to find two naked male bodies, and realised that one of them was hers. When she looked up into Riley�s face, it was so red with anger that he looked as if he might explode.

Buffy should have seen it coming, but for some reason, Riley�s punches caught her off guard. The first landed hard in her stomach, making her double over in pain. The second ploughed into her jaw and sent her sprawling to the floor. It hurt. God, it hurt so much!

Riley threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, ignoring the moans of pain coming from the curled up ball of Buffy on the floor.

�You�re barking up the wrong tree, Harris. I�ll be back in ten minutes,� he said. �You�d better be gone by then.� Riley left, shutting the door quietly behind him, and prayed that no one in the dorm would see Xander leaving his room so early in the morning.

Buffy plucked herself up off the floor, gingerly rubbing her aching stomach muscles. She was stunned by Riley�s behaviour�he hadn�t even let her talk. And he�d definitely called her �Harris�. Buffy staggered over to Riley�s dresser mirror to have a look at herself.

Sure enough, it was Xander�s face that stared back at her. An angry red mark was already forming on her jaw where Riley had hit her, and she touched it, wincing at the pain. The sight of Xander�s features reacting to her pain distracted her, and she tried out a few more expressions, fascinated. Then her eyes travelled down her reflection to her chest and stomach.

�Not bad,� she muttered, impressed by the bulky muscles Xander had kept hidden under his baggy clothes. Her eyes roamed a bit further south with a mixture of guilt and curiosity. �Not bad,� she repeated.

Curiosity overcame her guilt, and she reached down and touched herself. Her penis twitched ever so slightly under her fingers, and Buffy let out a tiny �Eep!�

~~~~~
Xander�s alarm clock went off and he tried to slap the snooze button, but he found he couldn�t reach it. Assuming he�d rolled to the far side of the bed during the night, he shimmied over until his hand found his alarm clock. He hit the snooze button and went back to sleep, smacking his lips together contentedly.

Ten minutes later the alarm went off again. Stretching, Xander turned it off and swung his legs out of bed. Something kept tickling at his face and neck, and he brushed it away. It didn�t work�whatever it was kept tickling him. He swatted at it again, caught something in his hand and pulled. Xander yelped in pain as he yanked some of his hair out of his scalp. Then he yelped in surprise at the sound of his yelp.

He was suddenly aware of a thousand things that were wrong and it overloaded his brain. The hair he�d pulled out was long and blond�not his hair�and yet it was definitely attached to his head. The hand he held it in wasn�t right either, and neither was the arm it was attached to. And his feet barely reached the floor.

Xander started to panic, his tiny lungs working overtime as his heart pounded in his diminutive chest. His first thought was that he was shrinking. He stood up and his boxer shorts pooled around his ankles. He looked down, confused as to why he couldn�t see his feet�he had to peek over his t-shirt, which was sticking out too far for some reason. Then he saw that his penis had fallen off and he fainted dead away.

Several minutes later when he finally came to, Xander was able to think more rationally. He wasn�t shrinking, and his penis hadn�t fallen off. And the reason his t-shirt stuck out so far was because he now had breasts. Not flat manly breasts, but soft, jiggly woman breasts. He pawed at them curiously, then cupped them in his hands, hefting them up and down and squeezing them between his fingers.

Oddly enough, the discovery that he�d somehow become a woman overnight was not as horrifying to him as he thought it ought to be. Instead, he felt a rush of excitement, like he had when he was seven years old and his parents had surprised him with his very first bicycle. He wondered what it would be like to take this new body for a spin.

Then he remembered that he wasn�t seven anymore. He was an adult, with adult responsibilities and a job he couldn�t afford to lose. After taking a quick peek down his shirt at his new boobs, Xander sighed and picked up the phone to call his construction site. There was no way around it�he�d have to play hookie.

Xander pretended to be a nurse at the hospital and claimed that Xander was too sick to come to the phone, and would probably be out of commission for a few days. He threw in words like �viral� and �highly contagious� for good measure, and was quite pleased with the results.

Now that he was free and clear to explore his new identity, Xander peeled off his t-shirt and padded across the basement floor to the tiny bathroom, watching the jiggling bounciness of his boobs with fascination.

Anxious to see what the female version of himself looked like, he flicked on the light switch and yelled when he saw a naked Buffy facing him in the mirror.

�Dear sweet huggable Jesus,� he breathed. �I�ve been fondling Buffy�s bosom. She�s so gonna kill me.�

Xander grabbed a towel off the rack and wrapped it around himself. He felt horrible, like he�d been sneaking a peek at his sister like some pervy hormonal teenager. He was back in panic mode, wanting to get dressed and go for help, but too afraid to remove the towel and confront naked Buffy again.

Eventually he settled for getting dressed with his eyes closed and with as little touching of Buffy�s bits as possible. His pants kept falling down, though, even with his belt done up as tight as it would go. He got an idea and started rummaging around in his father�s tool kit for some electrical tape. He tore off a huge strip and wrapped it around his waist, securing his pants. When he was done, he checked the results in the mirror and winced. If Buffy ever found out he�d dressed her like this, she�d skin him alive.

He decided to go straight to Willow�s. If anyone could figure out how to fix this mess, it was her.

Buffy stole some of Riley�s clothes and snuck out of his dorm room. The clothes fit fairly well, except the pants, which seemed to bind in a very uncomfortable way. She was starting to understand why Xander always wore such baggy pants.

She made it out of the dorm without drawing attention to herself, then she set a brisk pace, heading for the Magic Box. After a few blocks she developed a painful stitch in her side and had to slow down. By the time she reached the store she was downright winded�she never fully appreciated the amount of energy a normal, non-Slayer-type person expended simply walking.

Buffy opened the door of the Magic Box, setting the bell over the door a-tinkling. She immediately doubled over, hands on her knees, trying to get her breath back. The cool air-conditioned air chilled her sweat-soaked borrowed body.

�Hello?� said Giles, approaching her. �Oh, it�s you, Xander. Anya�s not in yet,� he said. Watching the young man�s laboured breathing, he asked; �Are you alright?�

�I�ll be fine,� said Buffy, straightening herself up. She was relieved Anya wasn�t there. Dealing with the whole Xander�s body thing was hard enough without having to deal with his ex-demon girlfriend as well.

�What happened to your face?� asked Giles.

�Riley happened,� she answered bitterly.

�Why? What did you do?�

�Nothing!� she snapped indignantly. �Why do you automatically assume it was my fault?�

Giles just looked at her with one brow raised as if to say �when isn�t it you fault?�.

�Okay,� she conceded. �Usually it is Xander�s fault, but this time� Listen, Giles�we need to talk.�

�Can it wait until after lunch? I have a stack of invoices to go through.�

�No, it can�t wait,� she answered and turned around and locked the door, flipping the sign in the window to �CLOSED�.

�Xander, what are you doing?�

�We need some privacy for what I have to tell you,� she replied.

�Please Xander, I hear enough about your love life from Anya�I don�t need to be bombarded on both fronts.�

�Will you shut up and let me talk, Giles?� said Buffy, stunning him into silence. �Something happened last night. I�m not exactly sure how it happened, but this morning I woke up in Xander�s body.�

Giles gave her a quizzical look, then smiled slyly, as if he expected Allen Funt to jump out from behind a display shelf with a camera. �Okay, I�ll bite�who are you, then?�

�This is serious, Giles. I have to get my body back, like now, if I�m going to have a chance against this Glory chick. We can do the twenty questions thing like we did last year with that whole Faith fiasco, but I�ll save you the time�Mr. Stevedore. By the way, I looked it up in the dictionary, and I still don�t get it.�

�Dear Lord�Buffy!� he muttered and began pacing around the table. When that didn�t seem to do the trick, he stopped, took off his glasses, and gave them a thorough cleaning. �What happened, exactly? Try to remember as much detail as possible.�

Buffy sat down at the table and crossed her legs. Then she uncrossed them and shifted in her chair, trying to find a comfortable position.

�God, this is so annoying. How do you guys ever get comfy with your sensitive bits in such an awkward place?� she asked, still fussing on the chair.

Giles sighed quietly and took the seat opposite her, demonstrating the technique of subtly gathering the material of his pants as he sat, creating a slightly looser environment for said sensitive bits. Buffy gave it a try and smiled when she found it worked.

�So now you know the secret of the trouser-hike,� said Giles. �But if you ask me, the Scots had the right idea: kilts are far more comfortable and practical than trousers.�

�You�ve worn a kilt?� Buffy squeaked. Or at least it would have been a squeak, if her voice had been an octave or so higher. Images of Giles wearing a kilt flashed through her mind, along with the thought of what most Scotsmen supposedly wore under their kilts. To her horror, her new body decided to respond to those images, and she suddenly found Riley�s pants getting tighter. Luckily Giles didn�t seem to notice.

�I�ve worn a kilt on a few occasions. Weddings, mostly�I�ve got a lot of Scots blood running through my veins. But we�ve gotten off topic, and we�d better hurry this along before Anya arrives. I don�t want to think what would happen if she showed up and the store was still closed.� He shuddered at the thought.

Buffy told Giles about her argument with Xander, perhaps with a slight bias in favour of her side.

�Did either of you use the words �I wish� during the argument?� asked Giles.

�No,� said Buffy, firmly. �At least, I don�t think so. Actually, I�m not sure, really� Maybe?� she admitted, apologetically.

�Buffy�you of all people should know better than to have those kinds of conversations in public. You never know who�s listening in,� Giles scolded.

Buffy rolled her eyes; �I know, I know. It�s just�sometimes Xander drives me crazy.�

�I think that�s a defence that would stand up in any court,� said Giles, and they shared a brief grin.

�So you�re thinking vengeance demon?�

�Or spell. It would help if we knew who else was there.�

�Giles, it was The Bronze. On a Saturday night. The place was packed.�

Giles grimaced and got up to do a little more pacing.

�Can�t you just do a spell like Willow and Tara did the last time?�

�Hm?� he asked, lost in his thoughts. �Oh�a spell. Yes, ultimately, that�s probably what we�ll do. But we can�t reverse a spell unless we know exactly what spell was originally cast. Willow and Tara were very lucky�essence transference is tricky at best. Without the proper reversal spell, you could end up in someone else�s body, or simply floating about, non-corporeally, for all eternity. And that�s assuming it was a spell that caused the switch. If it was a vengeance demon or something else, a spell would be ineffectual.�

Buffy�s face fell. �This isn�t looking too good, is it? Giles, I can�t stay stuck in Xander�s body�I�m all weak and achy, and�oh�oh my God!�

�What?� asked Giles, anxiously. �Buffy, what is it?�

�I have to pee.�

Giles had to fight to keep a straight face�her look of panic was priceless. �Well, you know where the washroom is.�

�I can�t do this! I don�t know what I�m supposed to do.�

�It�s hardly rocket science,� replied Giles, letting a little grin slip.

�I grew up in a house full of girls, and Riley�s got a shy bladder�I haven�t got a clue how it works for guys.�

�I�m sure you�ll figure it out. Or would you like me to come with you and hold your hand?�

Buffy actually considered it for a second, until the thought of Giles with her in the bathroom started making her pants too tight again. She was starting to wonder how men managed to get anything done with such stupid body parts getting in the way. She made a bee-line for the ladies� room, absolutely refusing to go into the men�s.

When she was out of earshot, Giles let out the laughter he�d been fighting to hold back. He laughed until tears came to his eyes, and he was still chuckling helplessly when Buffy returned.

�You think this is funny?� she asked, annoyed. Giles tried to control himself, but he still couldn�t wipe the silly grin from his face. It was contagious. Buffy found herself smiling back, then laughing along with him. She had to admit, it was kinda funny.

At least she thought it was pretty funny until Anya arrived.
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A Mile in My Shoes