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Looking Glass	By : norwalker Category: BtVS AU/AR > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Willow Views: 1924 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Looking Glass
- 1
Looking Glass

By Norwalker

Summary: Alternate Universe, but set after season 6. Defies
summarization, a small Halloween tale. Be warned, not a '' happily ever after
story".

Timeline: 18 months after the end of season
six(approximately). Some season six spoilers.

Main characters: Willow, Buffy, Faith, Giles. No real
pairings.

Rating: R, but only for some language.

Legal Disclaimer:

The
characters appearing on the shows "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and
"Angel" are strictly the property of Fox, Joss Whedon and Mutant
Enemy, Inc. Any and all original characters created by the author are
the sole property of the author. The Author makes no attempt to make money nor
usurp the rights of the original copyright holders to said characters.

Warnings: Adult themes, suggested violence. Not for the
kiddies, ok? Not a happy story. Don't say I didn't warn you.

1

The night was wet and cold, rain hammering down in a
merciless tattooing rhythm on the streets. The streetlights took on a misty
haziness, their light is confined to small pools around their base. The wind
caused the rain to feel like tiny knives stabbing , cutting through clothing
and skin, down to the bone. It's a miserable night to be out, but she has
someplace to be. She stops briefly to adjust her coat, using her umbrella as a
shield against the icy storm.

Happy Halloween, Willow thought, looking around at
the nearly deserted street.� There
weren't many souls venturing out, most were inside at their parties. As she
walked against the rain, her grim expression briefly broke, as memories of
Halloween parties she attended in the past flitted unbidden through her mind.
The corners of her mouth briefly turned up at images of the silly costumes, the
laughter and the fun they had. But that was over, no party for her tonight.
Perhaps never again.

It's been nearly a year and a half since she walked these streets.
After her� breakdown, She's spent most of the time in England, in therapy. It
had lasted much longer than she or anyone had expected, but then, how does one
easily come back from what she went through. What she's done, and almost done.
If only I'd never become addicted to the magic, if only I had been more
careful, if only Tara hadn't been there, on that day, at that moment� if only,
if only� god� . But she had become addicted, and Tara had been there, and
she'd died, her blood painting a pointillist's nightmare on Willow's blouse.
Willow went mad then, destroying Tara's murderer, trying to destroy his
accomplices, and nearly destroying everything. Even now, those memories haunt
her, plaguing her dreams, giving her no peace. How long does it take to come
back from that? Do you ever really come back from that?

Yet, Sunnydale went on, the sun still rose, life still moved
on its inexorable march towards death. She's here to see it, and almost wasn't.
For a long time after, she was in a catatonic state, barley moving, fed by
tubes, hearing, feeling and seeing nothing.�
It was as if her mind, unable to deal with the rage, grief and guilt,
had shut down, not letting her feel anymore. Slowly, very slowly she'd come around,
began to emerge from her shell, and began to � well, live is too strong a word,
but survive� she survived. Giles stayed with her the worst part, trying to
bring her out of her hole, gently steering her along, and patiently training
her how to deal with the power she still had. The awesome, terrible power that
lurked deep inside her. She felt it, felt it's dark clutching, and each day
fought it back down. Some days were harder than the hard days, but she managed.

Giles had left her after she was back on the road to
recovery. He had to get back to Sunnydale, something big was coming. She
understood this, and wanted to help. But she wasn't ready, and Giles had her
stay with the Coven in Devon. They trained her in the Light Arts, letting her
realize the true source of power: the earth, and all it's delicate connections
to life and the universe around it. Gradually she became adept, and while not
losing her fear, she learned to deal with it.

So she's here again, back in Sunnydale. She returned home
only yesterday, not telling anyone. She called Giles just this evening, and
after his initial surprise, he asked her to come by. There was a lot he needed
to discuss with her. I should've taken the car she thought to herself, but
I hate driving in the rain. Goddess, I can't remember when it's rained like
this in Sunnydale. She shrugs. It's a hellmouth, nothing is ever
'normal' here.

" Willow?" A familiar voice jars Willow out of her
reverie," is that you?"

" Buffy?" Willow replies, looking around. She sees
Buffy leaning against a lamppost. She's wearing a hooded cape against the
weather, but doesn't have an umbrella. Willow walks over to her, pitching her
own umbrella to share it with Buffy.

Under the light, Willow gets a better look at her long time
friend, and is a bit shocked. She is pale, much paler than she remembers ever
seeing her. Her eyes seem to have sunk into her head, and her hair is almost
ash blonde.

" Buffy, are you alright? You look�"

" Dead? Hardly. Just recovering from a nasty bug. On
the last stages� feeling ok, actually"

"What're you doing out in this weather? You'll catch
your death," Willow sounds worried.

" Pfffft. I'm fine, really Will. Look awful, feel
great. Anyway, gotta patrol. Patrolling is my life, after all." Buffy
changes the subject, " Anyway, how are you. God, it's been eons since
we've � well, anything."� Buffy
hugs Willow.

Instead of being comforted, Willow finds Buffy's hug to be
strangely cold. Still , she hugs her, having missed her closest friend. After
breaking the hug, she holds her friend at arms length, and gives her the once
over.

"Are you sure you're ok? You seem � so thin."

" Gosh, Will. Obsess much?" Buffy gently teases
her, " I'm fine, honestly. Much more important is, how are you doing? Did
things go ok over in the land of the Giles's?"

" Yeah, I'm doing better, " Willow says, having to
smile a little. Same old Buffy, Willow thinks, I just worry too much
about everything. " I won't say it's been chocolate and puppy dogs,
but � it's getting better. I'm in control of the magic now� and I've learned a lot
about it, and how to deal with it."

" I'm glad to hear it, Will, " Buffy says, her
tone distant, " I remember� how devastated you were�" A strange look
comes over Buffy's face, " I'm sorry, I never got a chance to tell you how
sorry I was about Tara."

" Thank you, Buffy, that means a lot, " Willow
says," I � I should've written, or called, but Giles thought it best I
leave� some things at a distance� until I had a handle on everything
again."

" Giles, " Buffy almost seems to spit out the
name, " yes, he's always doing what he thinks is best."

" Buffy, what's the deal? Are you angry at Giles?"

" No� no, just� it's nothing." Again, Buffy veers
the subject onto another track, " You're looking well, Willow." She
reaches out, and touches Willow's face.

Willow almost recoils. Her hands are like ice!

" Buffy, you're freezing, we've got to get you
inside!"

" oh, poo, Will. It's just a cold night. Wait!"
Buffy reaches into her cape, and produces a pair of gloves, which she puts on.
" There, happy now, mom?"

" Not really, " Willow gently chides, " but I
guess I'm going to have to accept it. I remember how stubborny you get about
stuff."

Buffy smiles. It's strangely sad, " God, I've missed
you, Will. Especially your creative use of English."

" I've missed you too, Buffy. Lots and lots. Were going
to have to take some girl-time soon and catch up. I want to know what's been
happening with you."

" Yeah, we'll have to do that� hey, what're you doing
out at night all alone, anyway? Got a raging case of amnesia, girl? Sunnydale
isn't exactly Mayberry. You can get seriously dead at night around here."

" I'm not going far, just to Giles's. I hate driving in
the rain, " Willow says, " weird weather we're having� anyway, it's
Halloween� you know it's always quiet, Demon-wise, on Halloween."

" Oh, yeah, like that year we became our costumes? Or,
remember itty-bitty fear demon guy who made the frat house into a real horror
house? Lots of weird stuff happens around here on Halloween. Welcome to the
Hellmouth, Will. Land of the Weird."

" Ok, ok� I get you. So, you gonna escort me to Giles's
then?"

" Yeah, I suppose I better, " Buffy says, sounding
reluctant, " Don't know what Beasties might get you between here and
there."

They walk along awhile in silence. Willow is worried about
her friend. She seems strangely distant� so unlike the Buffy she's known for so
many years. So many strange things about her, things that just don't add up.
But she's hesitant to bring them up, because�
Buffy seems so � reluctant to talk about it.

They turn the corner, and are at the courtyard in front of
Giles's townhouse. They stop there, and stand for awhile, each seeming hesitant
to talk.

" Well, the rain seems to have let up, " Willow
says, folding up her umbrella.

" Yeah, that's good, I guess, " Buffy says, still
sounding far away, " I guess I better go. Gotta patrol, then I can go
home�." Again, a sad and strange look passes over her face.

" Buffy, are you sure you won't come in? I mean, patrolling
can wait. And�" Willow hesitates, then plunges on, " If you got some
weirdness with Giles, you should work it out, you know? I mean� you two have
been close forever."

" I wish I could, Will�" Buffy's voice sounds
almost wistful, "�but I gotta go. Gotta patrol"

" Buffy�"

" Gotta go, Will. It's been great seeing you again.
We'll have to do that girl-time thing real soon." Buffy turns, and walks
off.

For a moment, Willow feels a strong urge to follow her. But
something in Buffy's manner warns her off. Watching Buffy disappear around the
corner, Willow turns and knocks on Giles's door.

The door opens, and�
Rupert Giles is standing there. For a brief moment, it's rather awkward.
It's been awhile since they've seen each other, and there's a hesitation in
both of them.

" Hey, Giles. Got room for a recovering
Magiholic?" Willow jokes, a little lamely.

Nevertheless, Giles smiles, and suddenly Willow is hugging
him tightly. It's been a weird night, and the meeting with Buffy has put her
into the wiggins zone. She needs a hug right now, and Giles obliges. After
awhile, he gently disengages her, and raises her chin, looking into her eyes.

" Hello, Willow� how are you?" He asks. But he
senses she's a bit shaky, " Come in, it's rather nippy tonight."

" I'm ok, Giles� I guess, " Willow says, " I
just had the strangest conversation with Buffy �"

Giles comes to a dead stop. He looks over at Willow, with a
strange expression on his face.

" Buffy? You � met with Buffy?" Giles asks, his
tone sounding strange.

" Yes�� I met
her on my way over, and she walked me here, " Willow says, picking up on
Giles's tone, " Giles�have you and Buffy had a falling out or
something?"

" I think you better have a seat� I have a lot to tell
you, " Giles waves towards the couch, and Willow sits. He walks towards
the kitchen, " can I get you some tea?"

" Actually, I could do with something a little
stronger, if you have it," Willow says, " Like�scotch?"

Giles arches a brow.

" Don't look at me like that. I'm legal, Giles, "
Willow says, " Seems England has three things to drink� tea, beer, and
scotch. Got tired of tea, hate warm beer, so I�
developed a taste for scotch." Willow shrugs.

Giles walks over to his decanter, and pours a couple of
fingers of scotch into two glasses. He brings one to Willow, then seats himself
across from her. She sips on her drink.

" That's better, " Willow says." So, what's
going on Giles? What's the deal with you and Buffy?"

Before Giles can begin, a voice calls out from the other
room.

" Hey, G? Where's that book you wanted me to look at? I
can't find the damned thing anywhere."

Faith walks into the room, and stops cold. She looks at
Willow, a surprised expression on her face.

Willow, for her part, is on her feet, almost spilling her
drink. She starts to back up.

"What the hell is she doing here?" Willow
exclaims. " What the hell is going on around here, Giles?"

" Willow, it's alright � sit down, and I'll explain it
all to you," Giles says, getting up to try to calm Willow down.

" Heya, Red. Long time no see. Try destroying the world
lately?" Faith cracks, not able to resist the knife.

" Yeah? Well, what about you, psycho-bitch? Kill
anybody lately? How'd prison work out for you?" Willow shoots back. Faith
reddens a little.

" Well, well. Seems mousy has grown a pair. I gotta
admire that," Faith mocks, " So, been to see your dead girlfriend
yet?"

" Watch it, Slut queen� can arrange it for you to join
her!" Willow squares off with Faith.

"Ooo� she's butch. I like it," Faith grabs Willow
by the shoulders, " C'mon, baby, give me a kiss. Or, aint I your
type?"

" Sorry, Faith. I don't kiss slime" Willow spits
at her.

" STOP IT, THE BOTH OF YOU!" Giles shouts, in a
rare temper, " Aren't things bollixed up enough without you two fighting?"

" She started it!" Faith says, truculently.

" You started it, bitch, when you went all psycho and
evil� or have you forgotten that?"

"Well, I'm stopping it!" Giles says, sternly,
" Now sit down, the both of you, and be quiet!"

They both sit on the couch, at opposite ends, glaring at
each other.

" Faith, I expect more from you. You're on parole, and
I expect you don't relish returning to prison. Or maybe your time in prison
wasn't educational enough?"

Faith doesn't answer, just looks off, an angry expression on
her face.

" As for you, Willow, Faith has good cause to be here.
Sunnydale needs a slayer, and Faith is the only living slayer left to fill the
role."

Willow looks at Giles like he's gone around the bend.

" What're you talking about, Giles? I just saw Buffy
ten minutes ago!"

Faith looks at Willow, staggered, She goes a shade paler.

" You saw B? Where, when?"

" Not that it's any of your business, but like 10
minutes ago� she walked me over here."

Giles and Faith exchange a look. Willow catches it, and
feels a chill pass through her heart.

" What's going on? Why's everybody having a major
wig?"

" Willow, there's no easy way to tell you this,"
Giles says, getting up and walking towards the scotch decanter. He pours
himself another drink. He turns and faces Willow.

" Tell me what, Giles? What is going on?"

" Willow, Buffy's dead."

"Whaa�" Willow suddenly feels weak and dizzy� the
room starts to spin, then goes dark.

2

Willow wakes up a few minutes later, to find Giles and Faith
bending over her, trying to revive her.

" There she is," Giles says, helping Willow sit
up. " Are you alright now?"

" What the hell are you talking about, Giles? Buffy�
Buffy can't be dead. I was just talking with her. Have you gone totally
bonkers?"

" A lot of shit's happened while you were away,
Red," Faith puts in.

" Well, thank you Barbara Walters," Willow
replies, sarcastically," What the heck is she talking about, Giles?"

" I don't have all the details, Willow, " Giles
says, " mainly, because most of the witnesses are dead. From what I've
been able to gather, while we were away in England, Spike came back to
Sunnydale."

"So? With that government chip in his head, he's about
as dangerous as a kitten" Willow says.

" That's just it. Somehow, he got rid of the chip,
" Giles says, " and he had one thing on his mind. Revenge."

Willow pales. " He lost the chip?"

Faith nods, and Giles continues with his story.

" From what I've been able to discern, he met with some
demon god in Africa, and after going through trials, was granted his wish� to
be free of the chip. He returned to Sunnydale, to get even with Buffy. Unlike
before, he planned out his moves carefully, and gradually� he began to get to
Buffy. The first person he killed was Xander."

"Xander?" Willow's voice is a whisper, "
Xander's� dead ? " Willow feels sick.

" I'm sorry, Willow, " Giles is sympathetic.

" Is he� did Spike �"

" No� he just killed Xander� he wanted to hurt Buffy� and
it worked."

" Oh, God�."

" Then, he turned Dawn"

" Dawnie? She� he made her a �"

Giles nods. It's plain to see this is ripping him to shreds.
But there's more to tell.

" I don't know exactly how he got to her, " Giles
says," but he must have acted as if he still had the chip. All we know is
when Buffy got home, there was a note, written in � written in blood, on the
wall"

Giles remembers the frantic call from Buffy, and hurrying
over to her house. Seeing the note:

" I have the nibblet, slayer. I haven't killed
her� yet. If you want her back, meet me� you know where. Come alone, or I will
kill her "

" I have to go, Giles. He has her� and he'll kill her
if I don't," Buffy says, her voice cold with anger.

" You can't go alone, Buffy. You know it's a
trap," Giles says, " He'll have you and Dawn, what good will that
do?"

" I have to go alone� you can read, Giles. He'll kill
her if he sees anyone else with me."

" How do you know he hasn't killed her already,
Buffy?"

" He doesn't want her, Giles. It's me he wants"

" So, you plan on delivering yourself to him on a
silver platter then."

" I plan on giving him what I should've given him long
time ago, Giles, " Buffy says, pulling out a stake.

" Buffy, you're not thinking rationally. He'll just kill
you, and her, if you go alone. I'm going with you."

" You're right, I'm not thinking, and I'm not arguing.
I'm sorry, Giles, " She says.

" What?" is the last thing he remembers, because
then she hit him, knocking him out.

"� by the time I woke up, it was over. It wasn't until
later that I found out bits and pieces of what happened." He stops,
because the memory is too painful for him.

Willow reaches across, and takes his hand. " Tell me,
Giles. It'll� be better."

" She kept her appointment with Spike. It was in the
old abandoned warehouse � the one where he and Drusilla used to hang out. She
found Dawn almost immediately. She was bound and gagged, tied to a beam�

" Buffy!" Dawn cries, as Buffy frees her from the
ropes, " Spike� god, he's� he's insane. He brought me here, and tied me
up� said I was 'bait'. He's �he talks about nothing except wanting to bathe in
your blood� and how he's going to kill you� god, it was awful!"

" Dawn, it's ok now�" Buffy hugs her sister.
" I want you to go� go home, get Giles and lead him back here� I'll go
find Spike�"

" No� I won't. I won't leave you here to face him
alone. Not�not after what he did to you� what he did to me!"

"Dawn?" Buffy looks at her sister.

" He� he�" Dawn's voice drops to barely above a
whisper, " he raped me, Buffy."

" Oh my god, Dawn�" Buffy is in shock. The shock
quickly turns to deadly anger, " I'm so sorry, Dawn. I've been such a
fool. I � I should've killed him long ago. He's going to pay for this."

" You have to let me come, Buffy. You have to� I can't
� I have to make him pay for what he did to me!"

Buffy looks at her sister, and sees the determination in her
face. She realizes arguing would be useless.

" Alright, Dawn. But if I say run, you run. If I say
go, you go. No arguments�understand?"

" Yes, Buffy" Dawn nods.

Buffy, keeping Dawn behind her for protection, navigates her
way through the burnt out shell. It's been a long time since she's been here�
the last time, it was to retrieve Giles, who went after Angel for killing Jenny
Calendar. She can still see bits and pieces of when Spike used this place with
Drusilla as a hideout. A sense of rage and revulsion sweeps over her.� There is revulsion remembering the things
she did with him, and rage at the attempts to rape her, and his rape of Dawn.
Spike wasn't going to walk away from this.

" Buffy!" Dawn calls out to her.� " Over here� I think this is where he
holes up."

Buffy comes over to where Dawn is standing. She hears
someone moving around in the next room.

" Ok, Dawn you stay here, " Buffy says, taking out
a stake.

"No, Buffy, please. Let me go with you," Dawns
voice goes cold, " I owe him."

"No arguments, Dawn. Stay here. If something happens� I
want you to go to Giles, get him here. Got it?"

Dawn has a sour look on her face, but she complies.

Buffy enters the room, catching Spike feeding off his latest
victim. He turns, and there is a smirk on his face.

" Well, well, Slayer, I see you've come after the
nibblet," Spike licks his lips of blood, " So, what? Do we catch up
on old times, or do I just kill you now?"

"I'm shaking in my designer boots, Spike," Buffy
mocks, " I always noticed, with you it's lots of talk, little
action."

" Oh, I don't know, seems to me we had plenty of action
together. Or have you forgotten?"

" No, Spike, I still throw up when I think about
it."

" Now, pet, you seemed all willing enough when we were
doing it. What say? A shag for old times sake?"

" You bastard!" Buffy, losing her temper, attacks
him, pinning him against the wall.

" Ah, right, I remember. You like it rough, "
Spike laughs.

" You want it rough, Spike?" Buffy pulls a stake,
raising it to plunge into his chest, "I'll give it to you rough."

" No, Buffy, let me!" Buffy feels an iron grip on
her stake hand. She turns, and sees Dawn, vamped out, looking at her with cold,
dead eyes. " After all, what are sisters for?"

" Dawn?" Buffy whispers, stunned.

The last thing she sees is Dawn's fist smashing into her
face.

" � they didn't kill her right away," Giles
continues, " Spike took a page from Angelus' book, and tortured her.
Physically, mentally, emotionally.� He
beat her, burned her and cut her. Worse, he had Dawn do the same, while
laughing at her sister. They would do unspeakable sexual acts in front of her.
Dawn would tell her how she was going to kill the rest of her friends, one by
one, in front of her. Slowly, so their screams would echo in her mind. They
took turns feeding off her, not enough to kill her, just enough to scare her.
They took days to kill her, and in the end it was Dawn who killed her, and
turned her."

Willow has turned ashen . She stands up quickly and runs to
the bathroom. Sounds of her being sick can be heard by Giles and Faith. After a
few minutes, she returns , pale and shaken.

"G, maybe we should do this later. Red's lookin' pretty
green�." Faith says.

" No� no, go on� I've gotta know, " Willow says,
interrupting Faith." I'll be ok."

Giles hand Willow a drink, which she gratefully accepts. He
continues.

" The three of them went on a killing spree. Spike and
Dawn were vicious, but fairly straightforward in their killing. Buffy, however,
took a different tact. She would hang out , waiting for other vampires to
attack. She would rush in, stake the vamps, and just as the victims were
feeling safe, thanking her for saving them, she would turn, and attack them. It
was her own little personal joke."

Willow can't look up. She feels like Alice in the looking
glass house. Everything is backwards, and insane. Xander is dead. Dawn and Buffy
are vicious killers. Faith is the slayer. She wants so badly to wake from this
nightmare. It has to be a nightmare, this can't be real. None of this could be
real.

" With all the killings, Sunnydale was becoming
unlivable. I had to retrieve Faith out of prison. We needed a slayer,"
Giles says, looking at Faith.

" I don't get it, Giles. When Buffy died, why wasn't
another slayer activated?" Willow asks, " Sorry Faith, no
offense�"

" Yeah, none taken Red. I asked that too." Faith
replies.

" Why wasn't another� what? � potential slayer�
called?"

" Buffy � is out of the line. When she died the first
time,� Kendra was called. When Kendra
died, Faith was called. The slayers no longer went through Buffy. The line goes
through Faith," Giles explains.

" Oh."

" Yeah, sorry Red, you're stuck with me� til I
die." Faith says, a tinge of bitterness coloring her voice.

" Look, Faith� I'm sorry, " Willow says quietly,
" I didn't � know what the deal was. I was just shocked seeing you here,
with Giles� acting like Buffy."

"Whoa, Red. Get a clue. Not Buffy, " Faith says
adamantly, " Not even close. Not wanting to be, either. I'm me, got it?
I'm just here because it's here or prison� and I'm still tryin' to figure which
I hate least."

" I meant� being here, working with Giles� being the
slayer�"

" Oh yeah, right� whatever."

" Faith has changed, Willow," Giles adds in,
" She's not the same person � she was."

"Aw, don't get all gooey on me, G, or I'm gonna have to
sock you again, " Faith says sarcastically. But there's an undertone to
her voice. Something that says she's gained respect for the older man.

Willow shakes her head, as if trying to get rid of the
debris floating around up there. " I still don't get it, Giles. Buffy� she
had every opportunity to kill me� on my way here. But she didn't. Why
not?"

"We cursed her, Willow, " Giles says. There's a
strange look on his face.

"We tried to curse her, G, " Faith says, sounding
doubtful, " I'm still thinking it didn't take."

"Faith" Giles cuts her off.

Faith gets a " Why do I bother?" look on her face,
and looks away.

"Cursed her? You mean Angel's curse?" Willow asks.

Giles nods, " When Faith came, she took out Spike
fairly quickly. After Spike was dusted, Dawn disappeared."

"Disappeared?"

"She musta left town or somethin, cuz she wasn't � we
haven't seen her in months."

"But Faith had a harder time with Buffy. Buffy was a
slayer, and the demon in her body has all her memories.� She knew all the moves, and was stronger
than Faith now. More than once I feared Faith would lose."

"I coulda took her, G. I know I coulda�" Faith is
upset, thinking he's denigrating her.

"Faith, I'm not discounting you," Giles adds, as
if reading Faith's mind, " Just, she has the knowledge of a slayer, and
the strength of a vampire. It's a deadly combination. You did you're
best!"

Faith doesn't answer, she just frowns.

"We needed to stop her, somehow. That's when I got the
idea of cursing her, " Giles says, quietly.

"How, Giles?" Willow asks, " you need an
adept of certain skills to make that work effectively�"

"We got Amy to cast the spell, " Giles replies.

Amy? Amy Madison? But�

" Giles, Amy� at least, if I remember correctly� isn't
into that kind of magic. She's heavily into the dark arts�"

" I know, but I didn't have any choice, Willow, "
Giles looks away, " I had to do something�"

" Why� why didn't you call me?" Willow asks,
wounded. " Don't you think I'd want to help Buffy?"

" You weren't ready, Willow. You still were
recovering�"

" I see, " Willow sounds a little bitter.

" I'm sorry, Willow, I couldn't risk it� not after what
happened."

" I know." But that doesn't make it any better,
she thinks.

" Giles, will you quit fucking around and get to it? We
called Red here because Amy screwed it up, it didn't work right, and we need
her to do it again."

" Thank you Faith, for that bit of elucidation, if a
bit crude, " Giles sounds upset.

" I don't understand. It didn't work?" Willow
looks puzzled.

"Well, it did and it didn't, " Giles says,
quietly, "After the spell was cast, Buffy� stopped killing. At least we
think she did�"

" I'm not sure about that one, G. There's lots of ways
she could be covering up �"

"She said she stopped, and I believe her!" Giles
says, pushed too far.

" Ok, ok, don't go postal on me, G. Just saying�"

" I'm lost, guys. I'm not getting any of this, "
Willow looks at Faith and Giles, " clue me in here."

" After Amy performed the ritual, the killings�
stopped. At least the ones we could clearly attribute to Buffy," Giles
says, " then one night� she appeared at the door."

" She came here? But she seemed so�reluctant to come
here tonight."

" It wasn't like with Angel, Willow. I don't know if it
was because of what they'd done to her, but she was � different. She was angry�
very angry. But she� was restrained."

" Like Spike's chip? Restrained like that?"

" No� something� whatever part of the spell that
worked� that stopped her from killing. But � she no longer was the woman we
knew, Willow. She was restless�more so than ever before, and resentful. It was
as if she'd regained her soul, but it was tattered� she wanted to kill. I think
she wanted to kill us�"

" Giles, I can't believe that. When I talked with her
tonight, she was sad�not really angry" But Willow did remember the almost
bitter way Buffy had said Giles� as if it were a curse word.

" I think she remembers who she was, and knows what
she's become�and � can't take the dichotomy. She's disgusted with her urges,
but they lurk there, just under the surface. I fear that someday soon
she'll� give into those urges� the soul
� doesn�t seem to be that strong�"

I think you think too much, Giles, " Faith says,
interrupting him, " She's playacting it. She's got a soul, sure, but since
when does having a soul make you good? I can use myself as an example�"

" No argument here, Faith, " Willow puts in.

" Thanks for that ringing endorsement, Red. But I know something
about it. I've been there. I'm not saying B doesn't have a soul. I'm thinking
that it doesn't make a rat's ass of difference. She's tasted blood, she knows
what it's like to kill� and I'm thinking she's gonna do it again."

" I know what it's like to kill, Faith, " Willow
says quietly, " I don't want to do it again!"

" Yeah, good for you, Red. But it's different with B.
Think about it. If you didn't have your friends and family, Red, if you were
all alone, had nothing but to brood over what you've done� felt no one cared,
they just� were revolted by you� maybe you wouldn't be so�"

" Is this about Buffy, or you, Faith?"

"Right now, Buffy is me, Red. She's out there
alone, hating herself, and hating the world. She's stuck with a conscience, but
she's needing. She needs something� and she's gonna take it, if we don't help
her."

Faith's tone makes Willow look up at her. She sees the
concerned expression on Faith's face, and it surprises her.

" You care, don't you? You really care what happens to
her, " Willow says, surprised.

" Don't try to do that psycho-crap on me, Red. Don't
give a damn except how it concerns my ass. Don't like a super strong
slayer-vampire out there, gunning for me," Faith sounds hard, but it's a
lie. Willow can see right through it.

" Sure, Faith, got it" but Willow's not buying
that story.

� As poorly as Faith put it, " Giles says, " she's
on target. Buffy isn't herself. She's dangerous� and reluctantly, I have to
agree with Faith. I think she might start killing again� and then it'll be to
late."

" I don't understand, what do you want me to do?"

" I want you to perform the ritual again. You know it
better than anyone, Willow. I suspect Amy shortcut it, either carelessly or by
design. I don't believe all the things that made up Buffy's soul� were returned
to her, and that something major is missing. Without it, I don't think she'll
ever be�complete. I don't believe, as she is, she'll be able to deal with the
blood urges."

Willow sits silent for a few moments, looking lost in
thought. Finally, she speaks.

"Alright, Giles, I'll try. But I've got to warn you, I
don't think the spell, as written, will do a whole lot of good. That's what I
believe went wrong. I think it was designed for Angel, and I'm going to have to
find a way to �modify it, so it fits for Buffy. The soul is like your
fingerprints, Giles. It's individual. What works for one person, might not for
another. I'm going to have to see if I can find the more about the curse. Also,
" Willow says, almost as an afterthought, " I want to find a way
around the ' happiness' clause. I want it to be permanent� not able to be lost
in a moment of happiness."

" I understand, " Giles replies," how long
will you need?"

" I don't know, Giles. It's going to take time� A week,
maybe more."

" Gee, Red, hope she can hold out that long,"
Faith says, " maybe if we send her a hallmark card with like, " we
love you, helps on the way, please don't bite anyone", think that'll
help?"

" If you think you can do better, Faith, then do it!"
Willow explodes, " I'm only human, give me a break, dammit!"

" Fine, whatever, Red. Just saying, don't take forever
to get it done."

Willow puts down her glass, and stands up. It's obvious
she's upset.

" I've got to go, Giles. I want to get started" Willow
starts towards the door, " I'll call you when I've made some
progress."

" Willow� please, don't be upset, " Giles says,
and then turns to Faith. " Do you always have to antagonize
everybody?"

" Hey, just stating my opinion. I mean, if you don't
like it, you can get another slayer� no, wait, you can't!" Faith is on the
defensive.

"Goodnight, Giles, " Willow says, " Faith.
It's been� real. Wish I could say it was good to see you again"

" Yeah, I'm all tingly too, Red."

Willow, tired of this whole night, turns and walks out the
door.

Unbeknownst to any of them, someone's been lurking at the
window, watching.

3

Willow walks out into the blustery night, more confused than
when she came. Her mind is on information overload, and she can't process everything
they'd told her. She pulled her coat tighter about her, but it wasn't her body
that was cold, but her heart.

Dead , all dead. My friends are dead. It just can't be
true. This has to be a dream, a nightmare. They can't be dead. But she
knows it's true. Giles wouldn't lie to her, not about something like this. She
feels like someone just cut out her heart, and cut it to ribbons. She just
wants to run away, get as far from this town as she can. Why stay? What's
left for me here? Buffy. She can't leave Buffy, not the way she is. She
thinks about her conversation with Buffy earlier, how she tried to deny all the
clues given her. She didn't want to � she couldn't think� that something had
happened to her. It was right there in front of me, and I didn't see.

She knows that once she figures out how to restore Buffy's
soul, she's going to have to leave. She can't stay here� can't watch Buffy live
in the shadows, inhuman with a human soul. Already thinking back, she can see
the � madness lurking just behind her eyes. She can't watch as Buffy tortures
herself forever. She knows that's exactly what Buffy will do.

Maybe it'd be best to kill her. Release her, let her be
free. I already brought her back to what she thought was hell by bringing her
back to life. I owe it to her to let her be free. Willow can't do that. She
knows it would be the truly right thing to do, but she can't bring herself to
do it. Buffy's all she has left. Tara, Xander, and Dawn are gone. Giles is
here. But after what happened, how close can she be with Giles? He's always
going to be watching me, making sure that I don't � slip� again. Then there's
Faith� oh yeah, scary that. She's the slayer now, but �

At that moment, Willow feels someone grip her arm tightly.
She whirls around, ready to cast a fireball at them when she sees it's Faith.

" Goddess, do you have any idea how close you came to
being incinerated?" Willow says, reversing the spell so the fireball
forming will disappear.

" Hey, Red. Sorry to startle you. But � I didn't want you
walking home alone�" Faith says.

" Thanks � I think� but I can handle myself, "
Willow pulls away, starting to walk home.

" Red� wait!" Faith catches up, blocking her,
" look, can you stop? Can we talk to each other� for a second?"

"Faith, " Willow is in no mood for her right now,
" I don't see any reason to talk. What's the diff? You're the slayer now,
I'm gonna help you with the spell� what do we have to talk about?�

Faith looks at her keenly for a moment, then shrugs, "
Maybe you're right, Red. Maybe nothin'. Sorry, I thought�" Faith turns
away, walking back towards Giles's.

"Stop, wait, " Willow calls out, going to
her," This is stupid. I'm sorry� I just� with everything tonight� I can't
deal well."

" Yeah, I get it, " Faith reaches out and cups
Willow's shoulder, " kinda wish G hadn't dumped everything on you like
that."

" Naw, I had to be the dump-ee� I didn't have a
clue," Willow admits. " Look, you wanted to say something�?"
Willow changes the subject.

" Oh, yeah. Crap." Faith looks off balance.

" Crap? That's what you wanted to say?" Willow
gives Faith a sidelong glance.

" No� I just � I'm not good at this, ok? Not big on the
apologizing� it's kinda hard. Figured I been crapped on enough in my life, I'm
in the owed and not owing column. But� I really � I was a bitch, ok?"

" Are you apologizing to me?" Willow says.

" No, to that lamppost. I kicked it last night, "
Faith says, sarcastically.

" You know, I'd almost believe that more than you
apologizing to me, Faith," Willow says.

"Shit. See? This is why I don't apologize. Make it
hard, why don't ya?" Faith says, feeling irritated.

" I'm sorry, really, " Willow says, " I just
can't get my mind wrapped around it."

" Forget it. It was a stupid idea�" Faith starts
walking off again. Willow stands for a second, then gets that " Oh,
hell" look on her face, and runs after her.

" Wait� wait, wait!!!" Willow says, trying to get
in front of Faith. " Stop, ok? Please!"

"What?"

" I was a bitch, too. Ok? Just you and me talking
without you having a knife to my throat? Real weird. But� I don't want to � can
we find someway to try to not fight all the time?"

" You're apologizing, to ME?" Faith mocks
her.

" Without the sarcasm?"

" Red, I didn't�"

" Willow," Willow states simply.

" Huh?"

" Call me Willow, or Will� but not Red, ok? Really
tired of that. I know what color my hair is."

" Whatever� Willow, " Faith shakes her head,
" I didn't want this, ok? I really didn't. When Giles came and got me,
told me what happened� I wanted him to just stop it, stop lying and go away. I
didn't believe it, because I didn't want to believe it. I know you thought I
hated you, but I didn't."

Willow doesn't respond.

" I didn't want it to be this way, Willow� I wanted to
be slayer, sure� but not like this. If there were some way I could change
things, I would� I never wanted her dead�"

For the second time that evening, Faith surprises Willow.
She sees a genuine regret and sense of loss on her face, in her manner, in her
voice.

" Lots of the stuff that came down didn't have to go
the way it did, except for my stupid pride and hers. I know you probably don't
want to hear this, but we both, me and Buffy, fucked up. We could've�aw shit,
this is just not going the way I want it to go� I can't make it up to you, or
her, or anyone� but � "

Willow puts her hand on Faith's shoulder. " I get it,
Faith. Past is past, and done. Lets just start today, and play it one day at a
time�"

" Yeah�" Faith looks off, then down the street.
" Let's get you home."

" I'll be fine� it's only a couple of blocks."

" I know, but� I
don't like you being out alone� it's dangerous."

" I'll. Be. Fine. � really. I need time alone� to
think, to sort things out."

Faith sees she's not going to change her mind. She reaches
into her purse and takes something out. She hands it to Willow.

" Take it," Faith says, " You should always
have one with you� in case."

Willow looks at the stake like it's a snake� but takes it.

" Ok, then. Goodnight, Faith" Willow turns and
walks away.

" Goodnight, Red� er� Willow, " Faith watches her
go.

Then quietly follows her.

4

Willow walks the few blocks to her house without incident.
She walks as fighting against the wind, leaning forward, pushing herself to
move. No matter how she tries to spin it, this night has been too weird for
words. All she wants is to curl up and go to sleep� and hope things seem better
tomorrow.

She climbs the steps to her porch, and heads for the door when
she hears a sound. She turns, and a figure emerges out of the darkness. Afraid,
Willow brings up the stake, ready to fight� then the moonlight reveals it's
Buffy.

Buffy sees the stake, then looks into Willow's face. Her own
expression is grim and sorrowful.

" I'm guessing they told you, then," Buffy says,
leaning on the porch rail.

" Yes," Willow says, tonelessly, " why didn't
you tell me?"

" How could I, without you thinking I was insane? Or,
" she vamps out, " you running away, screaming."

Willow feels a thrill of fear run through her. She stands,
motionless.

" Even now, I can smell you're fear, Will." Buffy
says, changing back, " you think I want that?"

"What do you want, Buffy?"

Buffy laughs, mirthlessly. The sound is hollow and bitter.

" What do I want? I want my life back, Will. I want to
be alive again, Dawn in school, growing up. I want Xander alive� and my hand
ripping out Spike's throat.� I want to
change all the things I screwed up. I want to live, Willow� and I can't
�." Buffy in her anger, grips the porch railing hard�and breaks through
the wood. " Damn� sorry."

Willow looks at the shadow of her former friend. It occurs
to her how much like a mirror image she is of herself. Her living self. The
same but opposite. Where she was confident, full of life, a powerful force of
nature, now she's merely a shadow, a mockery of herself, bitter, angry , and
sad. Her heart breaks looking at Buffy.

" Stop it," Buffy hisses.

"What?"

" Feeling sorry for me.� I hate that. I saw that look in their faces, " Buffy says,
meaning Faith and Giles, " It can't change. I'm a monster stuck between
good and evil."

" That's not true, Buffy�" And suddenly, Buffy is
on her, pinning her to the wall.

" It's true, Will. I'm a vampire. I exist by drinking blood.
Anyone's blood" Buffy gets right into Willow's face, her eyes hard
and cold� and for the moment, human.

Willow feels sick with fear, and struggles to get away.
Buffy releases her and turns away.

" Shit, that's not what I want. Just, don't ever forget
even for a second what I� am, Will.
Never!"

Willow pants, trying to catch her breath. "
Buffy�"

Buffy turns back to her, her pain etched plainly on her
face.

" Gone, it's all gone, Will. Everything's gone, "
Buffy says, her voice choked with tears. " He took everything from me. He
took Dawn, he made her a monster� oh god, what he did to her�"

"Buffy," Willow comes over, to try to comfort her,
but Buffy waves her off.

" No� she hated me, Will. She blamed me for what
happened, for everything. She � hated me�"

" That wasn't Dawn� just the monster that took her
body."

"No, I mean after, " Buffy says, voice low.

" After?" Willow's confused.

Buffy looks up. Her brow furrows.

" They didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what? What?" Willow is getting even more
confused.

" They cursed both of us, Willow� didn't they tell you
that?"

Willow shakes her head.

" Figures, " Buffy says, cynically," they
don't want to think about their mistakes� they had Amy curse both of us� and it
worked� but Dawn�when she remembered, couldn't handle it. It drove her over the
edge. She went� ballistic, Will. She tore into me, trying to kill me, blaming
me, " Buffy's voice turns sorrowful, " how could I blame her? She was
right� it was my fault�I finally calmed her down, got her quiet. She slept�or
so I thought� but when I woke the next night� she was gone."

" Buffy� once she comes to grips with it� she'll come
back�"

" No, you're not getting it! � I left the place we were
hiding in, and� I found this�in a pile of ashes�" Buffy hands something to
Willow. It's a gold necklace, with the name "Dawn" spelled out in
script letters. Dawn never took it off.

" I don't�" Willow starts� then it hits her,
" Oh, god� Buffy�"

" She's dead� really dead now." Buffy says,
turning away." She must've just stayed outside til the sun came up�"
Buffy's face takes on a strange, unreadable expression, "gone, gone , all
gone now," she says in a sing song voice, " he took it all and ate it
up."

Willow stands staring at her friend, not able to react, do
anything but stare.

" So alone Will, I'm all alone now. Nothing left. No
family, no friends�all gone"

" I'm your friend, Buffy"

" Really, Will?" Buffy says, turning towards her,
vamped out again. She runs her tongue over her lips and fangs. Her amber eyes
shine menacingly in the moonlight, " then come, give us a kiss."

Willow makes a choking sound. Buffy changes back to
'normal'.

" Thought not, " Buffy turns away, " I've
missed you so much , Will. Missed talking with you, hanging with you, watching
silly old movies with you� everything."

" I've missed you too, Buffy" Willow says truthfully.

" Have you, really?" Buffy looks deeply into
Willow's eyes, and her face softens, " Maybe you have, Will."

" Yes, I have, Buff, " Willow says, softly.

" I love you, Will."

" I love you too, Buffy, " Willow says, not
understanding.

" No� I love you, Will." Buffy repeats,
changing the emphasis.

" Oh" is all Willow can think to say.

" Funny how it took me dying� again� and becoming an inhuman
monster to tell you that, huh?" Buffy laughs, her laugh chilling.

" Buffy," soft, Willow's voice is so soft, like
velvet.

Suddenly Buffy is right there, in front of her, holding her
at arms length, but holding her. She looks deeply into Willow's eyes." I'd
never hurt you, Willow."

" I know, Buffy."

" We could be together forever, Willow" Buffy
says, leaning in closer.

Willow feels her heart hammering in her chest. But she can't
move� she doesn't want to move.

" Forever, Willow. Forever young� never grow old,
loving each other."

" Buffy, " Willow's voice is almost a plea.

" No worries, no pain, Will. It all goes away. No
heartache. Think, Will. The pain, the sadness, all gone, all gone." Buffy
leans closer, her breath tickling Willow's throat.� Unconsciously, Willow arches her neck towards Buffy.

" So sweet, to be free of the hurt� so sweet�"
Buffy hands pull Willow closer, her mouth touching her neck, " It'll only
hurt for a minute, darling�" Buffy vamps out, her fangs piercing Willow's
neck�

And for a moment that lasts millennia, Willow wants it.
Wants to chuck off the pain, the humanity, give in and let Buffy take her, make
her free�

" Nooo� get away from her!" Faith calls out,
running towards the porch.

Buffy backs off, growling. Willow's eyes fly open, and she
sees the Buffy's vampire aspect up close� too close. She screams, and Buffy
backs off. Without thinking, Willow plunges the stake she has in her hand into
Buffy's heart.

Buffy's eyes widen, and her face morphs back into her own. Her
eyes are sad, lost, but she smiles.

" Thank you" She mouths, and crumbles into dust.

Willow watches Buffy dissolve. For a moment, she just stands
there, not doing anything, not moving.

" Are you ok? Did she hurt you?" Faith is on the
porch. She sees the wound on Willow's neck. " Oh, god, she bit you!"

" You were right� I need to carry one of these, "
Willow says, holding up the stake,�
almost as if in a trance. Then her knees buckle under her, and she falls
to the floor. She starts crying�softly at first, then louder, as the pain hits
her full force.

"Gone, all gone, " She cries, between body-
wracking sobs.

Faith kneels next to her, holding the grieving woman as
Willow collapses into her arms.

Fin.
- 1
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Looking Glass

Amy? Amy Madison? But�