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The Butterfly Effect	By : cousinjean Category: > Buffy/Spike(William) > Buffy/Spike(William) Views: 27631 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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The Butterfly Effect

by cousinjean

Summary: Five months after the events of "Chosen," a still grieving Buffy must follow a time-travelling demon back to 1997 (circa Season 2) Sunnydale to prevent him from destroying the timeline--and try not to destroy it herself in the process.

Spoilers: Through the end of BtVS. None for AtS.
Disclaimer: Spike is mine! All mine, dammit! But, um, Joss Whedon and the fine folks at Mutant Enemy created him. Buffy too.
Archiving: Want, take, have. Just drop me a note to let me know where it's going.

*

Chapter One

***

She carried his lighter in her pocket. She'd started back when they were dating - or whatever it was you could politely call what they'd been doing back then. It had become a game. He'd leave it lying around, she'd swipe it, then see how long it took him to notice and go digging for it. The game had ceased along with their affair, but she'd started it up again after he moved into her house. But like so much else between them, the game had changed. He wouldn't take it back from her. He wouldn't take anything from her. He wasn't like that anymore. Instead he'd just smirk, ask her for a light, and let her keep it. And so it was that Spike's lighter went with her when she left him behind.

Since then it had become part of her daily ritual. She'd find a quiet spot and sit, flicking the lighter on and off, and remember, and wonder, and wish. Remember how a vampire had taught her more about her own humanity in one year than in all of her years as a Slayer, or, hell, as a person. Remember how he used to look at her, how his arms felt wrapped around her. How he could touch her heart in such a way that she couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry, and often did both.

She wondered things like, did it hurt at the end? Was it worth it? Was he in a good place? The place where she'd been, before they pulled her back, or someplace like it? She had to believe that he was.

And she wished. That he'd believed her, mostly. Because every day that she had to live without him drove home for her just how truthful she'd been. She missed him so much sometimes that it choked her. He used to tell her that. "I love you so much that it chokes me," he'd say, but she'd never really known what that meant. Until now. She wished that she'd returned it sooner, that she'd had the courage to tell him when there was still time to convince him. Sometimes she just wished to have him back. But wishing didn't make him any less gone.

Or her heart any less broken.

Then she would close the lighter and put it away, wipe her eyes on her sleeve, and go live her life. That was what he'd died for, after all.

Today, her life involved a day of temping, followed by grocery shopping, and an evening spent writing college application essays and watching reality TV before crawling into bed nice and early to start the whole cycle over again. It was all terribly normal and, okay, a little boring. But she loved it. Or, well, liked it. A lot. She figured that eventually the novelty would wear off and she'd become restless, but that day wasn't coming anytime soon. For now, her wardrobe was completely free of blood stains; the trunk they used for a coffee table was full of old magazines and videos instead of weapons; and the most stressful thing she had to worry about was how to pay for both her and Dawn to go to college.

And it was nice. Not perfect. But nice.

She did a mirror check before leaving the safety of her bedroom. She didn't like Dawn to see that she'd been crying. Not that she felt any pressure to be stoic in the face of grief or anything. She'd learned that lesson. But this was� private. Between her and Spike. It wasn't that she didn't want anyone to know that she mourned the vampire. They'd have to be blind or stupid to miss it; but - and she knew this was kind of silly and not very sense-making - but she didn't want to share it. This was hers, like he had been hers, and it felt like letting somebody else in on it would be tantamount to letting him go. She wasn't ready for that. Not yet.

Satisfied that her eyes weren't red or puffy enough to betray her, she ventured out into the hall of the small apartment she shared with her sister. She stopped at the bathroom door and pounded in order to be heard over the pop music blaring behind it. "What do you want for breakfast?" she shouted.

The radio's volume went down. "What?!"

"Breakfast?"

"I'm late," Dawn answered through the door, sounding more than a little frantic. "Do we have any Pop Tarts?"

"I think so. You want strawberry or cinnamon?"

"Surprise me!" The radio went back up, signaling the end of that conversation.

Buffy smirked as she made her way to the tiny kitchen. No doubt Dawn was trying to look her best for her lab partner. She had begun the term at her new school surly and resentful, angry at Buffy for insisting that she stay home and finish high school instead of going off with the others to help rebuild the Council. Well, all but Xander. He had decided to take a year off and finish that cross-country tour that he'd started right after high school. Buffy understood his need for alone time, but after Spike, she probably missed him most of all. As much as she loved Willow and Giles, she'd gotten okay with them not always being there. The lack of Xander was taking a little more getting used to. Especially at breakfast time.

Anyway, as much as Dawn thought she was ready to run off and become a Watcher, no way was Buffy going to let her give up the last years of her youth to the Council. The Anti-Evil Brigade had more than enough members for the moment, and could do just fine without the both of them for a while. Dawn had pouted about it all summer, but all it had taken to make her see the merits of Buffy's decision was being paired on her first day of school with a chemistry partner who had "eyes the color of leaves toward the end of summer, and his teeth are kinda crooked but that's okay because he has the cutest smile, and, ohmigod, you should see his dimples!"

Buffy allowed herself a smug victory smile as she reached for a box of Pop Tarts. Strawberry. After tearing open a package, she popped one in the toaster for Dawn and nibbled on the other while she made coffee. Some milk went into a travel mug, followed by both milk and heated Pop Tart being laid out on the table next to Dawn's backpack. Buffy considered the pile of magazines and catalogs that also lay there, trying to decide which to read with her coffee. Still over an hour before she had to be at work - long enough to work in a little "me" time before tackling her day. Just as she was settling on In Style, someone knocked on the door.

Buffy groaned. "No, I do not want to subscribe to the daily paper," she muttered as she went to answer it. "How many times do I have to tell you people?" But she let out a "meep!" in surprise as she leaned up to peer through the spy hole. She threw the door open. "Willow!"

"Hey, hi!" Willow had time to get in a smile and a little wave before Buffy tackled her. "Okay, ow."

"Sorry." Grinning, Buffy let go. She tried to pull Willow inside, but she hung back.

"Hey, did you know you've got a newspaper subscription thingy tacked up-"

"Leave it," said Buffy, rolling her eyes. "Come in! Tell me what brings you to sunny Santa Barbara!"

Willow stepped inside. "Sorry I didn't call first."

"Pfft!" Buffy waved a hand. "Like that matters. Sit down. Do you want some coffee?"

"Uh, sure."

Willow didn't move from her spot inside the doorway, and the way she stood wringing her hands and chewing her bottom lip as she looked around at the apartment gradually penetrated Buffy's excitement to see her. For the first time she noticed the bag slung over Willow's shoulder, and the faint, slightly funky herbal smell that wafted from it. The scent of spell stuff. And she had yet to say why she was here. If Buffy didn't know better, she might think Willow was being evadey. Except that she didn't know better.

"So, just out of curiosity," Buffy began as she started back toward the kitchen, "why didn't you call?"

"Oh. Right." Willow's eyebrows drew together. "That's a good question."

Buffy poured their coffee. "And I'm sure it has a good answer. Perhaps one that involves my best friend wanting to surprise me after coming all this way just to visit me, and that has nothing at all to do with Council business."

"Um. Well�"

With a sigh, Buffy brought Willow her coffee and pointed at the living room. "Sit. Spill."

Willow nodded, but as she started to move she sloshed some of her drink over her hand and onto the floor.

Buffy frowned. "Not exactly what I meant."

"I'm sorry," Willow said as Buffy went to get paper towels. "I thought it would be better to ask you this in person, but not at the expense of your floor."

"Forget it," said Buffy as she handed Willow a towel and bent to wipe the floor. "No, wait." She looked up at Willow. "Ask me what?"

"Oh, you know. Nothing big, really. Just, sort of, a favor."

Buffy straightened and crossed her arms. "Somehow I don't think you came all this way to ask me to borrow a cup of sugar."

"No. More like a cup of Slayer-okay, dumb analogy. But the thing is, we need you."

"'We' being the Council?"

"No, 'we' being me, and Giles, and Robin and Andrew and all of the Slayers."

"That is the Council."

"Well, yeah, I mean, if you're gonna get all technical."

Buffy sighed as she turned for the living room. She plopped onto the couch and gave her friend a petulant look. "I'm retired, Will. Happily."

"I know, and I wouldn't be asking you if-"

"Willow!" Dawn's shriek gave Willow plenty of time to turn and brace herself for Dawn's attack.

"Hey, Dawnie!" Willow returned her hug with equal enthusiasm. "How ya liking Santa Barbara?"

Dawn pulled back and shrugged. "It's okay. It's a lot like Sunnydale, really, except without the evil."

"Yeah," said Buffy. "Here you don't have to worry that the muggers will eat you."

"Wow." Willow nodded appreciatively. "That is a plus."

"So?" Dawn grabbed Willow's hand and dragged her over to the sofa, making her sit on the end opposite Buffy before settling herself between them. "What're you doing here?"

"Dawn, aren't you late for school?"

"Pfft."

"Excuse me? Did you just 'pfft' me?"

Dawn turned toward Buffy with exaggerated patience. "You don't really expect me to go to school today, do you?"

"Uh, well, let's see. Today is Thursday, which is what we typically refer to as a school day, so I'm thinking, yuh-huh!"

"Buffy, come on. Willow's here!"

"That-" Buffy pointed to their friend "-is not Happy Fun Hang-outy Willow. That's Official Council Business Willow."

"Who happens to be sitting right here," Willow muttered.

Dawn shifted back around to face her. "Council business? What's up?"

"Well," Willow scooted forward, the better to see them both, "we have a teeny situation."

"'Teeny' like Gachnar?" asked Buffy.

"Oh, more 'teeny' like the fate of the entire space-time continuum hanging in the balance."

"Willow?" Buffy's eyebrows shot up. "That's not 'teeny'."

"No, I know. It's really not. That's why we need you, Buffy. Well, I mean, not the only reason�"

Buffy closed her eyes and sunk back into the sofa. "Just tell me what happened."

"Fine. Arkham's Appendix was stolen."

"And that's dire? People have their appendixes taken out all the time. Does this Arkham guy really need his?"

"It's a book, Buffy."

"Oh. I knew that."

"Anyway. You know how Giles and Robin have been rebuilding the Council library?" Willow paused long enough for Buffy to figure out that it wasn't a rhetorical question. She nodded, and Willow went on. "Well, they've compiled some pretty powerful books, and this was one of them."

"What's it do?" asked Dawn.

"We're not exactly sure. I mean, it contains spells, that much we know, but we don't really know what kind, or what they're for. The whole thing's written in a sort of demony code. Supposedly the only thing that can decode it is the Du Lac Cross."

Buffy frowned. "Why does that sound familiar?"

"Because Du Lac was buried in Sunnydale?"

Buffy shook her head and pushed herself off the couch. "No, it's something more specif-oh." Buffy's shoulders sagged a little.

"Oh what?" Dawn asked. "What's wrong?"

Buffy tried to shrug it off. "Nothing. Just, that cross was something Spike used once. To help him cure Drusilla."

"Oh."

Willow had sympathy face. "Sorry, sweetie. I was sorta trying to steer around the painful memory portion of today's exposition."

"It's okay, Will. Anyway, I still don't see the big. The book's useless without the cross, right?"

"In theory."

"And the cross burned up with that church. Or if it didn't, it's buried in that crater along with everything else that used to be Sunnydale. It's gone."

"Yeah, see, normally I'd agree with you, but�"

Buffy threw back her head and sighed. "Of course there's a 'but'."

"But," Willow continued, "it was stolen by an Adjwic demon. His name's Mudge. Faith and Vi were using him as an informant-"

"Sounds like this Mudge found out a little too much information about you guys instead." Buffy sat back down. "So, what do you think he wants with the book? I mean, not that it matters, what with it being useless and all." She snorted. "Some informant."

"Actually, that's the problem. He does know about the Du Lac cross."

"And?"

"Oh, I know this one!" Dawn looked at Willow. "You said he's an Adjwic demon?"

"Yup."

"Those are interdimensional, right?"

Willow nodded. "And temporal."

"Okay, wait." Buffy's brows knitted together as she tried to follow along. "So you're saying that this guy can travel through dimensions, and we're afraid that he'll somehow find another decoder cross in, say, the world without shrimp?"

"No. I'm saying that he can travel through time, and he can find our cross, in Sunnydale, before it was destroyed."

"Oh." Buffy's and Dawn's eyes both went wide as the implications set in. "Okay, that's not good."

Dawn shook her head.

"So you see why we need you," said Willow.

Now Buffy shook her head. "No. I mean, yeah, why you need a Slayer, but not why you need me. Not when you've got like a hundred other Slayers to choose from."

"But only a few who know their way around Sunnydale, and only one who knows her way around 1997 Sunnydale."

"You mean you want to send her back?" Dawn stared at Willow. "You can do that?"

"Whoa." Buffy held up a hand. "Stop the bus. You want me to find this Mud demon -"

"Mudge."

"Whatever. You want me to come home with you and slay him because everyone else is too busy or something, fine. But no way am I going back to 11th grade."

"It's not like that. Well, it is like I want to send you back. Mudge has already fled this time. We don't know where he is, but we know that that's where he's going. But it's not like you'll have to go undercover as your high school self or anything. In fact, you can't have any contact with yourself, or any of the rest of us. Except Giles. But then only in an emergency."

"Huh?"

Sighing, Willow dug in her bag and pulled out a small crystal vile. "I came up with this potion," she said, holding it up for them to see. "If anyone finds out too much about who you are, or where you came from, you just give them this, and all of their interaction with you will be erased from their memory."

"I dunno, Willow," said Dawn, taking the potion from her and handing it to Buffy. "Memory tampering? That hasn't exactly had good results in the past."

Willow rolled her eyes. "I know that. But this was Giles's idea, in case Buffy gets in a tight spot and needs some help. Then she can go to him and explain that he told himself to take the potion when they're done. He said he trusts himself to take it, and also, that way it won't be like we're altering somebody's memories without their consent."

Buffy held the vile up to the window, watching its contents swirl in the light. "But what if somebody else finds me out and I have to use it on them?"

"Well, then you'll just have to decide which is more important. Preserving your ethics, or preserving the timeline?"

"Not really much choice there," said Dawn.

"And there's only one dose," added Willow. "It's a tricky potion. Some of the ingredients are really hard to come by."

Buffy grimaced. "Do I even want to know what they are?"

"Probably not. But the point is, you have to be careful. If you end up having to use it on, say, Willy the Snitch, that's it. No more opportunities to get help. Or to make mistakes."

Holding the potion in her lap, Buffy stared at it, mulling over the situation. "Is this really necessary?" she asked at last. "Like you said, you don't even know what Mudge plans to do with the book."

"Whatever it is, though," said Dawn, "it can't be good."

"No," said Willow. "And knowing Mudge, chances are he's planning to sell it and the cross to the highest bidder. We can't let that happen."

"No," said Buffy. "I s'pose not."

"Anyway," Willow continued, "even if he just wants to read the book for laughs, it doesn't matter. If he gets to the Du Lac Cross before Spike, it could have devastating effects on the timeline."

Buffy's ears perked up at the mention of Spike. "How so?"

"Buffy, just think about it. It was your fight with Spike over the ritual he performed with that cross that landed him in a wheelchair for all those months."

Buffy snorted. "And avoiding that would be a bad thing?"

"Well, yeah. If he wasn't weakened, he never would've lost Drusilla to Angelus-"

"There probably wouldn't have been an Angelus. Still having trouble with the bad."

"-and he never would've called a truce with you in the first place."

Buffy's lips pursed. "There is that."

"Oh! And if not for the truce, Drusilla wouldn't have dumped him, and he never would've kidnapped me and Xander."

That time, Buffy just looked at her askance.

"Don't you get it? The badness between Xander and Cordelia would never have happened, and Cordelia never would've wished for vengeance!"

"Oh!" Dawn bounced a little on her seat cushion. "And we never would've met Anya!" She stopped bouncing and stared at Willow in awe. "Wow. You really put a lot of thought into this."

Willow nodded. "I really have. Ever since Mudge disappeared with the book. I mean, our actions, our decisions� nothing we do is isolated. It's all a chain reaction, and we have no idea of the effects we have on other people, and on the future�"

"That's really Zen. Like that butterfly." Dawn looked at Buffy. "You know, the one that flaps its wings in Japan and causes a hurricane in, um� somewhere else?"

"Yeah." Buffy stood up and walked to the window. "And Spike's big chain reaction ends in fiery death." She leaned her head against the glass and watched some little kids splashing in the shallow end of the swimming pool below. "Doesn't work out so good for Anya, either."

Willow and Dawn both remained quiet behind her, until Willow got up and moved to stand next to her. "He saved us all, Buffy. He saved the world."

Buffy closed her eyes. "I know."

"Anya helped too," Dawn reminded them. "She saved Andrew."

Buffy felt Willow's hand squeeze her shoulder. "That cross has to be there when Spike's gang goes looking for it."

Reluctantly, Buffy nodded. "What do we need to do?" She turned back toward the living room. "Should we move the coffee table?"

"We can't do it here. I can send you through time, but not space. Well, not at the same time, anyway."

Buffy sighed. This was getting better and better. "Fine. Let me finish getting dressed." She tossed the potion to Dawn. "Put that in something less breakable. Won't do me any good if it gets smashed in a fight."

"Why?" Dawn asked as Buffy headed toward her bedroom. "Where are we going?"

"Home, Dawnie," said Willow. "We have to go to Sunnydale."

*

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The Butterfly Effect

The Butterfly Effect