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Holding Out	By : theBrizzle Category: BtVS AU/AR > Het - Male/Female > Buffy/Xander Views: 5048 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Holding Out
- 1
Title: Holding Out (1/1)
Author: Brooke
Email: absolutxandman@yahoo.com
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer:
I don�t own anything. I wished I owned the two Xanders� from �The Replacement� though. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The WB, and whoever else has rights to the show.
Summary:
Buffy and Xander work out their issues with their secret relationship.
Distribution:
I don�t know why anybody would want this, but if somebody does�sure.
Feedback:
Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Authors Note: This takes place in an AU season 4. Xander and Anya weren�t that serious, and Riley was never there.
Authors Note 2: This is my first NC-17 story, so if it�s crap�oh well.

~*~*~The Magic Box~*~*~
Xander Harris had hit a new low. Rock bottom. There�s a rock, fifty feet of crap, some more rock, and then there was him. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat for the umpteenth time, unable to focus on the book that he was supposed to be reading. Xander could feel her watching him.
That is part one of why his life sucked right now. Xander could feel Buffy watching him from across the table. He had discovered months ago that Buffy�s gaze had a distinct feeling. A prickly, buzzing sensation that he usually loved, that he had grown to cherish. She was looking at him the way he always wanted her to, the way that he had spent years in the past looking at her. And he just wished that she would stop.
This �breakup�, if it could even be called that because he didn�t know if they were official, was hard enough on him already without her staring at him like that. Xander had done the right thing by ending �them�, that�s what he kept telling himself, anyway.
He had ended his relationship with Anya for Buffy. And now he had ended his relationship with Buffy because of�well, because of Buffy. She wouldn�t let them go public. It�d been six months and they were still sneaking around to see each other alone, and making up excuses if they got caught. He hated pretending that they were still just friends, especially since she didn�t seem to mind.
Xander knew for sure that Buffy wouldn�t risk they�re friendship for a fling, and that she wouldn�t say that she loved him if it weren�t absolutely true. That just wasn�t Buffy. But at the same time, Xander couldn�t help but think that maybe Buffy was ashamed of their new relationship. That�s the only reason to hide anything; you just don�t want people to know. He wouldn�t stay in a relationship with her if she wasn�t willing to be in a relationship with him, He wouldn�t hide �them� forever, and six months was already too long.
So he ended his thing with Buffy before he started to hate her for treating him the way she was. He didn�t want to have to hate her.
So here he sat, two relationships in the hole, being examined like he was under a microscope by the woman he never thought that he would have, and never expected to have to breakup with. Xander looked up suddenly, avoiding her eyes, �Who wants pizza?�
He immediately remembered that �pizza� used to be one of their code words, and regretted even opening his mouth.
�I could go for some.� Buffy answered in accordance to the question and its double meaning.
�I�m not hungry.� Xander said nervously, turning back to his book, his attempt to get out of the shop having blown up in his face.
The exchange drew Willow�s attention, �So you�re not going to go get pizza?�
Xander�s eyes flicked to Buffy�s before settling on Willow, �Nope. I mean, we�ll all be going home soon anyway, right G-man?� He heard Giles grumble in response and took the noise as a yes. �See. There�ll be plenty of pre-paid food at home. In fact, I think I�ll go there now.� Xander stood up and moved towards the door.
�I�ll walk you.� Buffy said from behind him, �Wills are you cool to get home?�
Willow smiled, �Yep. Tara�s coming by after she�s done with her class, we�ll be fine.�
�Great. I�ll see you guys tomorrow.� Buffy said from her new position beside Xander.
He waved weakly at the remainder of the gang as they stepped into the street. �I didn�t drive.� Xander blurted out, setting a quick pace down the sidewalk.
�Good. It�s a nice night.� Buffy said easily keeping up with him. �So,� she stared, breaking the uncomfortable silence, much to Xander�s dismay, �What�s new with you?�
Xander answered shortly and kept his eyes focused on the street in front of him, �Nothing.�
�Well, I�ve not had the best week,� Buffy started, �but then again, I�ve not had the best month. But you know all about that.�
�I do.� Xander agreed, �But in all fairness it is your fault.�
�My fault?� Buffy asked surprised as the reached the steps of his building.
�Yes. Your fault. Oh�oh�� Xander grabbed his head and backed up the steps, �D�j� vu. We already had this conversation.�
�No. You had this conversion. I just listened.�
�And a great job you did of that being as though you didn�t seem to hear me.�
�Oh, I heard you alright.� Her voice was growing louder and matching his tone, �It just didn�t make any sense. And since you stormed off after you said what you wanted to and have refused to be alone with me at all during the last four weeks we haven�t had a chance to talk.�
�What do you mean �it didn�t make any sense�? It made perfect sense. You were ashamed to be with me��
�I was not��
�You wouldn�t even let our friends know. It was always some lame excuse that were sometimes mildly offensive to me.�
�They were not offensive to you.� Buffy argued, looking up at him from the base of the stairs.
�Oh really? What about that time that Willow found us in your dorm room and you told her that I wasn�t wearing any pants because a vampire kicked my ass so hard that he tore a hole in them, and you were trying to sew them.� Xander said harshly.
�You laughed at that!�
�What was a supposed to do? Tell her the truth when I knew that you didn�t want her to know. Was I supposed to say �Oh no Wills. I�m not wearing any pants cuz Buffy here wanted to give me a happy�?� he gestures wildly with his hands.
Buffy sighed, �Xander, I was never ashamed to be with you. You know that I would never even consider getting involved with you if I wasn�t absolutely committed and devoted to you. I just wasn�t ready for people to know, for it to be more than just us. I�m sorry if I hurt you��
�Well you did,� Xander yelled, �You broke my heart!�
Buffy took a step back at his harsh tone, but never stopped staring at him, �Well, can I at least come up so we can finish talking about this?� she said finally noticing the looks they were drawing from passersby.
�I don�t think that�s the best idea.� Xander replied in a low voice as he looked down at her, and took another step towards the door.
�Why?� Buffy asked in a prodding voice, �You afraid of what might happen?�
Xander shut his eyes and huffed out a slow breath, �I�m afraid that you might make me fall in love with you again, and I can�t take that.�
�You fell out of love with me?� Buffy asked skeptically.
�I trying.�
Buffy face him with a half smile, �I won�t make you do anything that you don�t want to.�
�I didn�t say that I didn�t want to.�
�Well then let me come up.� Buffy stated while slowly walking up the steps to face him.
�I�m not ready to again. Not yet.� Xander said turning his face away from her, but Buffy followed his movements, refusing to lose eye contact.
�Well, then let me come up anyway. I can wait for you.�
Xander let Buffy hold his gaze and he knew that he had lost the battle. What was happening right now was the exact reason that he didn�t want to be alone with her. He had deprived himself of her for a month now, and as crazy as it seemed he now thought that he knew what it was like to g through withdraw. He was going through Buffy withdraw, and he was definitely an addict.
Xander looked into her blue eyes that were shadowed by the darkness of the street and his throat dried out when he saw her lick her lips. He was out. Xander didn�t say anything as he opened the door behind him and held it open for Buffy to enter and she grinned as she walked by.
~*~*~ Xander�s Apartment ~*~*~
Xander really like to think that they would talk more once they got inside. After all, he still had some issues with the status of their relationship, but he just couldn�t remember any of them at that moment. He couldn�t really remember anything, but to breathe, since Buffy�s tongue was in his throat..
The kiss started out gentle, almost just a friendly petting by the door, but a slight misplacement on Xander�s part caught the edge of Buffy�s mouth, and that only a centimeter head turn to get them to where they were now.
Buffy had turned her head immediately when Xander�s lips met hers and in almost a chain reaction her hands came up to pull his head closer, and he did nothing to protest. Xander felt her lips part with a moan and his hands shot out to her waist and pulled her body closer to his while her tongue made the first move and flicked against his before suckling his smooth bottom lip.
Xander didn�t know how his door got closed and he didn�t care, all he could feel was Buffy still standing in front of him. He pulled away gently and his hands cupped her face so he could look into her eyes and smiled briefly before Buffy stood on her tiptoes and kissed him again. It immediately deepened while her fingers sought out the buttons on his shirt. She got it open and off his broad shoulders quickly, but growled at the fact that he was wearing a white tank top underneath.
�You wear too many clothes.� Buffy faked compliant while her hands slid underneath it and pulled it over his head before working on her own top, which, with help from an enthusiastic Xander, quickly joined his on the floor.He forced his face back down to hers while his hands slid behind her back to unhook her bra.
Now, skin on skin, Buffy tightened her arms around Xander�s neck and he slid his hands down her back to her ass, where he firmly squeezed and lifted Buffy off the floor, forcing her to wrap her legs around his waist without breaking the lip lock.
Xander steadily set his course for his bedroom, only to cry out when he stubbed his toe on a table near the edge on the couch. But the noise came out muffled and he felt Buffy grin against his lips. He kept walking until he felt his knees hit the foot of the bed.
Buffy unhooked her legs from around his waist and stood up on the bed in front of him, her hands teasing through his hair. He could feel his erection pulsing as he leaned up and licked the underside of her breast, reveling in the taste of her, until he reached her hardened nipple, which he worried and teased with his lips and tongue. Buffy let out a breathy cry and clutched him closer as Xander switched sides.
�Ohgod,� she panted out when Xander�s hand came up to toy with the breast that his mouth wasn�t attending to. He felt her breathing increase and pulled his mouth away from her skin so that they could lock eyes while his hands began to work ferociously on her pants, franticly pulling and jerking her hips as he struggled with the button and zipper.
Xander licked into her belly button when he finally got the pants open and yanked them down eliciting another moan from Buffy�s lips. �I knew that you never stopped wanting me.� Buffy breathed, running her hands down Xander�s face, her thumbs tracing his parted lips.
�How�d you know that?� he questioned through ragged breathing as he pulled the pants down her hips and came face to face with a pink thong.
�You never stopped looking at me like I was your world.� Buffy replied, her voice heavy.
�You never stopped looking at me like I wasn�t yours.� Xander grinned sincerely, but it then turned devious as he hooked his thumbs over the thin waistband of the panties and pulled them down so that they were pooled at her ankles with her pants.
Xander maintained eye contact as he steadied her hips and lowered his mouth to within a breathe from her sex, pressing a hot open mouthed kiss that caused Buffy to moan loudly. Then his hand dropped to behind her knees and he grinned as he pulled her legs out from under her causing her to fall backwards to the bed with a squeal.
Xander took advantage of Buffy�s new position and pulled the pants off of her, almost smirking as her legs opened invitingly. He undid his pants and pushed them down a little before he crawled onto the bed and covered Buffy�s body with his own, kissing her soundly and pressing his clothed cock against her bare opening.
Buffy growled at the tingling sensation the move caused to shoot through her pussy and felt her stomach tighten. Without warning she forced herself into a sitting position, leaving Xander no room to protest before she had him flipped onto his back, leaving her to straddle his pelvis.
Xander moaned out loud at the pleasure that shot through him as Buffy�s weight settled on top of his stiff shaft and he couldn�t help but grab her hips to hold her in place as he pushed against her hard. �Xannnnn�� Buffy drawled out at the increased pressure and felt her opening contract involuntarily.
Buffy leaned down to kiss him on the lips, running her tongue along his open mouth before moving down, trailing it along the side of his neck to his chest where she took one of his hardened nipple into her mouth while her hand teased the other. Xander couldn�t help the groan that escaped his mouth when he felt Buffy�s teeth scrape over his skin before laving it with her tongue and kissing her way across his chest to pay the same attention to the other side.
Xander shut his eyes and let his head drop back onto his pillow while his hands worked their way into her hair. ��Buf�Buffy, I�I want you�NOW. I want you.� he panted.
�I know,� Buffy sighed, sliding further down his body, her hands gripping the waist of his open pants and boxers, pulling them down slowly. Buffy got them down to his knees before he kicked them off and she slid back up his muscular legs.
Xander�s breath quickened as he felt her breath on his now exposed and painfully erect cock, and she giggled at the seeming involuntary thrust of his hips. He lay still for several moments and waited for her to take him into her mouth, but it didn�t happen.
It finally dawned on him, what she was waiting for. The command. Buffy wanted him in control this time, for him to tell her what to do. �Buffy.� he called through labored breaths and he knew that he had her attention.
�Hmmm?� she answered.
�Suck me off.� he demanded and immediately felt her mouth close over his cock. �Ahhhhhh!!!!� he cried out as Buffy�s tongue rolled around the underside of his cock as she let her mouth slide down and then suck back up where she let it flick over the head. Xander was moaning her name continuously now and he tried to control the movement of his hips, while Buffy kissed the head of his cock before descending again, this time relaxing her throat and taking him to the hilt.
She continued her rhythm, now massaging his balls in her hand and stiffening the tip of her tongue to run it up the underside of his shaft as she pulled up. �Xander,� she asked softly, before lapping the saltiness at the head of his penis with a course swipe that made him moan.
�Uhnnn�� he moaned his response and she stilled her movements.
Innocent voice in place she asked, �Do you want me to make you come?�
Xander growled, yet managed a labored smile, �I told you to suck me off.� He knew that Buffy didn�t take offence to his tone and felt her start on him again, using the rhythm that never failed to possess him. Xander moaned as Buffy sucked him harder, and he felt himself sliding n and out of her hot throat quickly and the stroke the stroke of her tongue.
�Bufffyyyyy!!!� he cried out, releasing her head and grabbing the bed sheets as his body shuddered. He came in her mouth, shooting hot and hard into her throat and Buffy swallowed down every drop.
She gently licked him clean and never let his breathing slow down as she began a steady jerking motion with her hand on his still lubricated cock until he was hard again. Buffy slid back up his limp body so that she was smiling down into his half-closed eyes.
�Missed that.� Xander sighed , calling up the strength to move his arms around her. Buffy only grinned and leaned down to kiss him forcefully on the lips, her tongue forcefully dueling with his and he could taste himself on her.
Buffy�s center was throbbing as she lay on top of him. She was physically aching to feel him inside of her, and she slid down a little until there was full contact between their ready sexes.
Xander groaned and rolled Buffy onto her back and fit himself between her open thighs, her legs immediately wrapping around his waist. She was beyond caring how they did it, she just wanted him inside her now. Buffy moaned as she felt his left hand kneading her breast while his mouth latched onto the side of her neck, just behind her ear, his tongue flicking against her skin.
�Fuck me, Xander.� She demanded breathlessly, and felt him push up, but not inside. Buffy growled as she lowered her grip on him to his hips, and with the added strength of her legs pulled him roughly, hard and deep into her body and they both cried out, �I said fuck me.� she repeated.
Xander gave a slow hard thrust into her, reveling in how tight, hot, and wet Buffy always was to him. For him. Buffy, on the other hand, could only whine into his ear and shower the side of his face with light kisses as he filled her.
Buffy lifted her hips to meet his rapidly growing frantic movements in hopes of fitting more of his length inside of her body, her hands forcing Xander�s mouth away from her neck to her awaiting, open, and swollen lips. �Xanderrrrr,� she moaned, her tongue flicking against his teeth as he continued to pump into her almost violently.
He could fell her tighten around him and squeezed his eyes shut while he forced himself to slow down. �Hold it Buffy.� he pleaded, �Don�t come yet.�
Buffy was panting as she shut her eyes, trying to carry out his request, and wondering what he had in mind. �I�I can�t��
�Try.� Xander said pulling out of her completely, both moaning at the loss of contact.
�Why? Why hold it?� Buffy asked through ragged breaths. She got her answer when Xander ran his fingers slowly down her body and then grabbed her hips and flipped her over. His arm slipped underneath her and wrapped around her waist as she pushed herself up. Xander pulled her back to him and entered her in a deep thrust, grinning at her content sigh.
Buffy�s sighs quickly turned into moans as he slammed into her, one hand planted firmly on her hip while the other forced the upper half of her body down to the bed, the sound of his balls slapping against her conceding with the sound of her repetitive cries.
�Ohgodohgodohgodoohgod, Xannnddderrrr. Xanderrrr.�
Xander bit his lip in an attempt to hold off, �Not yet Buffy,� he sighed, keeping his rhythm, but he felt her squeeze tighter around him. �Jesus Christ, Bufffff�� his eyes shut and rolled into his head and he reached down to pull her up so that her back was pressed to his chest while he continued to fuck into her. He buried his mouth into the side of her neck, biting gently before laving the space with his warm thick tongue.
She was whining now with each of his hard movements while his hands massaged her breasts and then moved down her stomach where he felt her muscles quivering with exertion, and Xander prayed that he could hold out through the rest of what he had planned .
Xander�s hand moved down to her bare pussy and pushed her pelvis back to his and held for a moment feeling her flutter lightly around him. Buffy could feel him laying back and his hold on her forced her to move with him, not that she would have protested anyway.
She raised up slightly to let Xander recline fully while he was still inside of her. Buffy felt his hands grip her hips as he drew her up slowly. Only to slam her back down hard and fast causing her to cry out at the sharp impact. Buffy began to use her legs o push herself up and was soon bouncing up and down on his rigid shaft vigorously while rolling her hips on him, only using his hands in her as a guide.
�Buffy,� he grunted through gritted teeth as he pushed up to counteract her movements. His right hand slipped from her hip and parted her now saturated slit, his fingers gently seeking out her clit. Xander smiled a labored grin at the high pitched cry Buffy released when he reached it and pinched the overly sensitive bundle of nerves between his thumb and forefinger before sliding two fingers around it quickly.
He felt Buffy stop her movements on him, but smiled as her hips continued to surge involuntarily. Xander sat up to bite the back of her shoulder, near tears at the effort it was taking his not to shoot inside of her. One of his arms reached up to her face and forced her to turn her head where he latched onto her mouth eagerly while his other hand reached in front of their still joined laps.
Buffy moaned into his mouth when she felt his fingers tickle her folds lightly. �This feels so good,� she sighed, �So good.� Buffy turned her head around again and felt Xander�s hand caressing her neck and chin while she looked down to their laps seeing that he had gripped his balls firmly. She moved her smaller hand down to cover his on himself while she kissed the palm of the hand at her face before sucking his fingers into her mouth. Buffy moaned lightly when she felt his start thrusting again and both of his hands moved back to her waist to draw her down firmly while her hand pulled down on his balls gently to cause their tightening.
Xander slowly reached for her arm and drew it away from himself before he lifted her completely off his body, �I love you so much Buffy,� he sighed laying her on her back again, �I love you so much.�
�Show me.� Buffy groaned, and felt him slide into her slick passage again and hook both of her legs over his shoulders before he started pounding into her again. �I�I�can feel you�everywhere, Xannnn,� Buffy moaned in time with his thrusts, which were rapidly speeding up. �God�you�re so hard.�
�You�you�did it.� he sighed, the muscles in his neck straining as he snapped his hips hard and fast, loving how Buffy cried out after each move. Reveling in the tightness he felt grip him hard inside if her as she screwed her eyes shut.
�Xaaannnnndderr!� she shouted, clutching the back of his head hard, �I�m�I�mm gonnna come. I�I can�t�� Buffy gave up trying to form the words as Xander continued to fuck her hard.
�Let go Buffy. I want�want to�feel it.� Xander grit his teeth and heard Buffy cry out as her body rocked beneath him.
�Uhgnnn!!! Ohohoh GOD! Ahhhhh�� Buffy wailed as she finally let her orgasm take her and it was the strongest one she�d ever had. It tore through her as if on a war path, and she felt her walls contract and release strongly, almost painfully, as she was lost in the sensation.
Xander had to fight off his scream when he felt Buffy grip him tight and release him strongly. But he didn�t fight it when his cock finally erupted, shooting into her relentlessly after over an hour of deprivation. �Holy fuck Buffffyyy!!� he cried out as their bodies bucked against each other, �Iloveyouloveyousomuchsosomuch�� he babbled as their bodies slowed despite the tremors still racking them.
Xander slowly, as per her request, pulled out of Buffy and bit his lip as he watched her lower her legs carefully down to the mattress. He could still see her trembling as she rolled onto her side and snuggled as close to him as she could and reach her hand up to brush some of his sweat soaked hair out of his face. �Are you ok?� he asked, his voice gone, and Buffy nodded her response.
�I love you Xander.� She whispered as she felt sleep setting in, but not before he kissed her gently in response.
~*~*~The Magic Box~*~*~
Buffy was already there when Xander arrived at the shop. She had woken up before him and told him that she was leaving.
�Ladies.� He greeted Willow and Tara with a chipper smile as he jumped down the steps.
�Man.� Willow smiled back looking him over. �Somebody�s in a better mood today.� She pointed out, studying his prominent grin.
�Well, I caught a little fresh air on the walk home and then got a good nights sleep. I couldn�t feel better unless I just won the lottery.� He cocked an eyebrow and hopped into a sitting position on the table.
�Yeah,� Tara agreed, �It was a nice night, wasn�t it. Both you and Buffy are�glowing.� She settled on the word.
�There�s no glow.� Xander defended quickly, �Where�s Buffy?� he changed the subject.
�In the back training with Giles.� Tara answered.
�She said she had a huge fight last night and she was really sore, Giles is running her through some extra stretches and workouts. Must�ve happened after she dropped you off.� Willow elaborated, glancing up at him.
Xander couldn�t help the sly grin the broke out on his face at Willow�s explanation. Buffy was still sore from last night, even with her Slayer healing. If she didn�t shout that he was a god from the rooftops he would, right after he broke up with her for good.
�Whatcha thinkin bout?� Willow questioned suspiciously at her friends� silence and Xander jumped.
�Nothing.� He hoped she believed him.
�You didn�t see any demons out last night did you?� Tara
asked, �I mean, if it took out Buffy, it might still be out there.�
�Yeah,� Xander agreed, �We should look. Did she say what it looked like?�
�Not in so much detail. She just said it was big and it attacked her from behind. Slammed her around.�
Xander was now forcing coughs in attempts to cover up his laugh. Willow was about to ask if he was alright when the door to the back gym opened and Giles walked out followed by Buffy.
�Hey Giles. Buff.� Xander held her gaze for a moment.
�Hey Xan,� she smiled back brightly.
�See,� Willow pointed at her, �Glow.�
�There�s no glow.� Buffy spoke up.
�Good afternoon Xander. Nice to see you up and about before dusk.� Giles said dryly.
�I was tired.� Xander whined.
�OH MY GOD!� Willow shouted, her eyes growing wide, and the whole room stopped to stare at her. �You�you two�� she was frantically pointing between her two best friends.
�What is the problem Willow?� Giles asked concerned.
�Come on Giles. Connect the dots here. Buffy walks Xander home, then the next day she says she�s sore, and you weren�t at the dorm last night.� Willow said pointing at the Slayer, �Then Xander comes in the afternoon saying that he�s tired, and don�t even get me started on the obvious GLOW.�
Buffy shifted on her feet and looked at the floor, �I can explain Willow.�
�No need. I already get it. There was no �Demon fight�, was there?�
�No.�
�No.� Willow repeated, �Of course not. You were with Spike last night weren�t you?!�
�What?!� Buffy yelled, �No! NO!�
Willow ignored her, �Spike knocked Xander out and you��
�I�m dating Xander!� Buffy blurted out and Willow shut up. �I was with Xander last night.�
The room fell silent and Buffy and Xander stood under their friends confused gazes�
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The End
�I�ve seen monkey shit fights and the zoo that were more
organized than this.� �The Replacements
- 1
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