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Been Here Too Few Years	By : addielogan Category: > Buffy/Spike(William) > Buffy/Spike(William) Views: 18659 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 8
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- 10
Buffy didn't know when sleeping
next to Spike had become a habit, didn't know when it had become simply an
assumption that he would share her bed at night. He'd climb in beside her
without a word spoken between them, and she'd let herself be drawn into his
arms. If he was out playing with the band when she went to bed, she could only
manage at best an uneasy sleep�until he joined her again. Then she could sleep
soundly, the tears and nightmares melting away in his soothing embrace.
She wasn't sure when it had
started, but she knew when she noticed it. Buffy woke one work-free Sunday
afternoon to find Spike watching her.
One of her legs was thrown over his hip, and his arm was casually draped
around her waist. She realized that despite the intimacy of their position, it
was familiar. She was wearing nothing but an oversized t-shirt and
panties�which were showing as the t-shirt rode up the leg draped over him. He
was wearing an old pair of sweatpants, his chest bare and pressed against her.
He hadn't styled his hair since the time he'd showered, and the curls were
free, softening his usual bad boy look. Still, she was comfortable here with
him like this, and that made her realize how normal this had become.
Buffy wasn't sure how long he'd
been awake, but she got the feeling it had been a while. Suddenly, she became
aware of how exactly she was pressed up against him�and what effect it was
having on him. Her heart started to beat faster, loud enough to drown out any
warnings in the back of her mind that she shouldn't let him be this close.
Spike reached out slowly until the
tips of his fingers were barely resting on her cheek. Buffy shivered at his
ghost of a touch. She looked into his eyes and realized that she couldn't have
moved away, even if she wanted to. The intensity of his gaze had her locked in
place. When she didn't pull back, Spike trailed his fingers up her cheek, then
up to run them through her hair. Buffy's breathing became more labored, her
heart now hammering in her chest. She felt fear warring with her desire, but
she was frozen.
Then, he spoke for the first time
that morning. "I'm going to kiss you, Buffy."
There it was. Her out. He paused
after he spoke, giving her ample time to get away if she wanted. She didn't.
She stayed in place even as he moved closer, his breath mingling with hers as
his lips fell to hers. The kiss was gentle at first, exploratory, but soon it
grew in passion until their tongues were dueling, allowing them to taste each
other. Buffy wrapped her arms tightly around him, needing something to ground
her as the world spun around her. She didn't remember the last time she'd been
kissed like this.
She didn't think she'd ever been
kissed like this�
And then it hit her. She was doing
what she'd sworn she wasn't going to do. It wasn't safe. She couldn't take this
chance. She'd been down this road before, and she knew where it led. She pushed
him away.
Spike blinked, taken aback at the
sudden violence as Buffy fought to get away from him. He let her go.
Buffy ran into the bathroom,
slamming and locking the door behind her. She grabbed on to the edge of the
counter, breathing quickly and sporadically. How had she let this happen? If
she thought about it, she barely even knew Spike. He'd been in her life�in her
home�for about a month. He'd been in her bed for a couple of weeks, and Buffy knew
now she'd let him get too close. She wouldn't let anyone in like that, not
after all that had happened.
She reached up, fingers grazing
against the ring she wore on the chain around her neck. She'd opened up to
someone before, let him into her life, her body, her soul. In the end, it had
almost broken her. She wouldn't go through it again, wouldn't allow herself to
fall for someone like that. She couldn't take another heartache. As it was, she
was barely hanging on. She did her best to present herself as strong to the
world, but she knew that when she'd broken, she hadn't been able to put the
pieces back together they way they'd been before. There were still cracks.
Her hand went from the Claddagh to
her lips. They still tingled from the kiss she'd shared with Spike. From the
first touch, she'd felt a spark shoot through her, electrifying her, making her
feel alive. But as wonderful as it had felt for that brief moment, it had
scared her, too. It was too familiar, too much like when she'd let herself fall
before. She'd learned that with a fire that hot, all you got was burned.
She shook her head, forcing back
tears. She wouldn't do it, wouldn't risk it. She'd do whatever it took to keep
herself safe.
She had to.

***
*** ***
Spike lay on the bed, stunned by what
had just happened. He hadn't planned on kissing Buffy, but she'd seemed
receptive, and he'd made the decision to act on the desire he'd felt since the
first time he saw her five years ago. For a few glorious moments, he'd had her,
felt her in his arms. Then suddenly, she'd taken it all away. Without a word,
she'd changed completely, running way from him as if his touch was the last
thing in the world she could ever want.
He heard the shower turn on and
stood up, angrily untangling the sheets from around his legs when they tried to
trip him up and throwing them in a wad on the bed. He'd had his fill of her
closed off behavior. She would let him in for a moment�turn to him for support�then
shut herself off again. He'd tolerated it for a while now, but his patience was
wearing thin. She was either going to let him in or she wasn't. He needed her
to make up her mind.
When Buffy finally came out of the
bathroom, Spike walked into the living room, stalking towards her. "We
need to talk."
Buffy's eyes widened, and she
tightened her robe around her. "No, we don't. There's nothing to talk
about."
"We kissed, Buffy."
"It was a mistake."
Spike's jaw ticked, and Buffy could
tell he was fighting the urge to yell at her. "Didn't feel like a
mistake."
"Maybe for you." Buffy
brushed past him, going into the bedroom to get dressed.
Spike didn't let it end there. He
followed her, ignoring her indignant glare. "You can't just shut me out,
Buffy."
"I'm not!"
"Yes, you are! You ran off,
and now you won't talk to me at all!"
Buffy put her hands on her hips.
"Fine. We'll talk. This is a bad idea. Nothing good can come from us
making with the smoochies."
Spike moved closer to her, like an
animal stalking its prey. "Felt pretty good to me," he said, his
voice a low rumble.
Buffy almost forgot why she was
pushing him away, but she quickly regained her senses. "No� It's not a
good idea, Spike. Not good at all."
Spike crossed his arms in front of
him. "Convince me."
Buffy sighed, wishing he wouldn't
make this so difficult. "What if things don't work out?"
"What?"
"We're roommates, Spike. What
if we start this, and things go wrong? It would be awkward."
"If that happened, we'd find a
way to deal."
"Our parents are
married," Buffy said, her tone making it obviously that she was simply
trying to come up with whatever she could think of to "convince"
Spike. "That would be majorly weird."
"You're not my sister. I've
never thought of you like that. I really don't care who my father is married
to, and honestly, I don't think you do either."
"I do! Us together is just
wrong!"
"Do you think of me as your
brother?"
Buffy was silent for a moment as
she contemplated how to answer. If she said yes, he might let this all drop.
She could be free from her feelings. But she couldn't bring herself to say it.
Even the thought of pretending that was the truth disturbed her. "Look, I
said I didn't want this. Just let that be enough and stop harassing me about
it."
"Buffy�"
"Leave me alone, Spike. Just
leave me alone."
Spike moved away from her.
"Fine." He left the room, slamming the door behind him.
Buffy sat down on the bed. Why
couldn't he just let things be like they were? Why did he have to complicate it
with wanting more?
Buffy frowned. She knew the answer
to that question. He was feeling the same thing she was. But he didn't realize
what a mistake it would be. She did. She couldn't let it happen. She got up and
dressed.
As soon as she was presentable, she
went to the door, her hand stopping before she turned the knob. Could she
honestly go out there now and pretend like everything was okay? She went back
to her bed, sitting against the pillows.
It didn't take her long to get
bored. She picked up a book she was reading for class, but she couldn't
concentrate on the words, not with him so close. Frustrated, she threw the book
down and put on her shoes.
Taking a deep breath, Buffy stepped
out into the living room. Spike was sitting on the couch, an open beer bottle
resting between his legs. "I'm going to the library," Buffy
announced.
"I don't care where you go,
Buffy."
As much as Buffy hated to admit it,
his words and his refusal to look at her hurt. "Fine. See you later."
"Whatever."
Buffy grabbed her things off the
table and left the apartment.

***
*** ***
Buffy couldn't find any solace in
the library either. It was too quiet, nothing to distract her from her
thoughts. She kept replaying the kiss with Spike over and over, unable to force
it to the back of her mind. But she couldn't let herself go there. It would be
dangerous.
"Is this seat taken?"
Buffy looked up to see Riley
standing on the other side of the small study table. "Uh, no. Have a
seat."
Riley gave her a grin that reminded
her a little of a boy scout. "Thanks. So, um, what brings you to the
library?"
"Books."
"Yeah, they have them
here." Riley winced. "That was lame, I know."
Buffy gave him a small smile.
"Just a little."
"Hey, you want to get some
coffee? I know you said you weren't interested in dating before, and I'm not
trying to push you into that, so don't worry. You just look like you could use
some coffee."
Buffy thought about it for a
moment. She could use some coffee. Preferably of the Irish variety, but she doubted
that was what Riley was offering. And Riley�he was safe. He didn't make her
feel like he could turn her whole world upside down. She shut the book she
hadn't really been reading anyway. "I would love some coffee."
Riley smiled again. "Great!
Let's go then."

***
*** ***

*ducks* Please
don't hurt me! It'll be okay, I promise!

Also, I've started
an update list. I'll let you know what's updated where, and when a fic gets
finished and added to my page. Go here to sign up: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/addielogan/

And I'd love some
reviews�just nothing too hate-filled, please! lol
- 8
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Been Here Too Few Years