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Both Sides Now	By : addielogan Category: BtVS AU/AR > Het - Male/Female Views: 6136 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 8
- 9
- 10
Dawn was having a decidedly good time
in the bed with Andrew. The longer they stayed there, the bolder she got, and
it wasn't long until she found herself lying next to Andrew, skin to skin. And
still it didn't feel like enough. She wanted his hands everywhere, wanted to
feel him all over her.
Andrew could tell how worked up she
was getting. He didn't have much experience when it came to these matters,
really, but he also knew it wouldn't take much to get Dawn to have sex with him
right now. She was into the moment, and would probably go along with just about
anything he pushed for.
Which is why he
stopped. Dawn was
important to him, and he knew it would be her first time. The last thing he
wanted was to have her regret anything that happened between them. He wanted
her, but he also wanted there to be decisions made before any actual sex took
place. That choice needed to be made in something other than the heat of the
moment.
Dawn looked at him in confusion
when she realized he'd stopped. "Is something wrong?"
"No. Everything's
perfect," Andrew assured her. "We've just gone far enough for right
now."
"I�I'd be all right with going
further," Dawn said.
"I know you would. Right now. But later, you might not feel the same about it."
"I know what I want,
Andrew," Dawn snapped. "I'm ready for this."
"You think that, but�"
Dawn sat up, using the sheet to
cover herself. "I'm not a child."
"And I don't think you are!
But�" Andrew ran his hand through his already mussed curls. "Look, if
you're ready for it now, you'll still be ready later, right? I don't want to
push things with us. We haven't been together very long, and while it's all
been wonderful, it's going too fast. Let's slow down just a little bit."
"Um, isn't that the speech the
woman is supposed to be making?"
"I'm just trying to look out
for you, Dawn," Andrew replied tersely. He got out of the bed, finding his
clothes and putting them on.
"Where are you going?"
Dawn asked.
"I told you, we're done for
now. I'm going out into the living room."
"You're upset with me."
"A little. This is frustrating."
"Then let's make it not
frustrating!"
"No! And wanting to slow down
doesn't make me any less of a man, all right?"
Dawn realized then what was
upsetting him, and congratulated herself on having at least a bit of insight,
even if it was only after managing to stick her foot in her mouth.
"Andrew, honey, I don't think you're any less of a man for that. What I
just said�I didn't mean it that way, okay?"
Andrew's shoulders slumped a
little. "I know. And I'm sorry I got snippy with you. It's just�it's a
touchy subject. My masculinity�or lack there of�has always been a problem for
me."
Dawn patted a spot on the bed in
front of her. "Come here and talk to me about it?"
"I don't want to. It'll change
the way you look at me."
"Having a conversation will do
that?"
"This one will! Dawn, please, don't make me do this�"
"Andrew, I'm your girlfriend.
If you can't open up to me�"
"I can't open up to anyone.
And that's the way it should be."
Dawn felt like she was going to
cry. They'd been physically intimate all day, but she wanted this type of
intimacy with him as well. The thought of him shutting her out like this hurt
her a lot. "Andrew�we can't have a real relationship if you don't open up
to me."
"I don't talk about myself
with people, Dawn. Well, except my therapist, but he's paid to listen to me
rattle on�"
"I won't judge you. There's
nothing you can say that would make me want you any less."
Andrew took a deep breath and let
it out slowly. "What if I told you I'm bisexual?"
"I'd say tell me something I
didn't know."
Andrew blinked. "How�"
"It's kinda obvious you like
guys, dear. I mean, I used to think you were completely gay, but you've proven
you have some definite interest in women. So I figured you must go both
ways."
"And you're just okay with
that?"
Dawn shrugged. "Sure. Why
wouldn't I be?"
"I don't know. I thought maybe
it would freak you out."
"Please. I spent a summer
living with lesbian witches. I'm way harder to freak out than that."
Andrew sat in front of her on the
bed. "Wow� I didn't think you'd handle that so well."
"You need to have a little
more faith in me. And I promise you, I don't have any questions about your
masculinity. I'm well aware of the fact that you have all the right manly
parts."
Andrew blushed. "Yeah, I guess
you do."
Dawn took hold of his hand in one
of hers, though she still kept the sheet pulled around her with the other.
"See? You can talk to me. It won't make me run away."
"It's been something that I've
wrestled with for a long time," Andrew said after a moment of silence.
"For a while, I thought maybe I was gay. I was attracted to women, but I
was attracted to men, too, and it confused me. Especially since, well, I tend
to be attracted to men more." He looked up quickly at Dawn. "But I am
attracted to you. And in very much a boyfriend type of way.
It's not like I won't be satisfied if you're who I'm sleeping with."
"I know," Dawn said,
smiling softly at him. "It's okay."
"I went back and forth a
lot," Andrew said. "And sometimes�with the men I liked�I didn't know
if I wanted to be with them or be
them. It's part of why I worked so hard at getting girlfriends when we left
Sunnydale. I wanted to know�to know if I enjoyed sex with women. And I do.
It's�it's different, being with a woman. I feel safer somehow, like I can be
more open."
"Different� So you have, um,
actually been with men?"
"Not�I mean I haven't�"
Andrew looked away. "But I've done some things, yeah."
Dawn took hold of his chin and turned
his face back so he was looking at her again. "It's nothing to be ashamed
of. I was just asking. I'm not going to run out of the room screaming
'ew.'" She smiled. "And I still want you."
"My experiences with men
haven't been very good," Andrew said softly. "I always end up feeling
used. I think�I think it's the kind of men I'm attracted to. Not that I've been
with that many, but it was always ones that liked to push me down a lot, make
me feel weak. Unimportant. Men that liked to hurt
me."
"Warren," Dawn said, her voice barely above a whisper.
Dawn saw tears forming in the
corner of Andrew's eyes when he answered. "He was the worst. I don't�I
don't want to talk about what happened with him, okay? It's too much."
Dawn gave his hand a soft squeeze.
"It's okay. I'm not going to push on that, all right? I don't want you to
close yourself off from me, but�but there's certain things I'll let you keep to
yourself."
Andrew looked relieved. "Thank
you."
"Is that�is that all that
makes you feel like you're not a man?"
"No," Andrew admitted.
"My father used to say stuff all the time, too. And�and
Tucker." Andrew shifted uncomfortably. "Can my brother be
another one of those things we don't talk about?"
"He hurt you? Not pressing for
details, just�"
"Yeah. He did."
"Is that why it bothered you
so much when people would refer to you as Tucker's brother?"
"Part of it,
yeah. And I didn't like
not having my own identity either, being seen as nothing but an extension of my
sibling." He smiled slightly. "I'm sure you can relate to that."
Dawn smirked. "A
little, yeah." She pulled her hand out of his to reach up and
caress his face. "Do you feel any better now, talking about this with
me?"
"Yeah,
actually. I was sorta
worried, you know, about what would happen if you found out."
"You didn't need to."
"I'm seeing that now."
Andrew took her hand from his face and pressed a kiss to her palm. "I've
never been able to tell another woman that."
"I'm glad that I'm the one you
could tell."
"Me, too. You�you make me feel good about myself,
Dawn. Like maybe I'm not such a miserable excuse for a man after all."
"You're not a miserable excuse
for anything," Dawn said. "And don't you even start to protest. See,
you agreed that I'm your girlfriend, and along with that comes a clause which
states that I am always, always right. About
everything."
"Oh
really?"
"Yeah,
really. It's the
well-known 'girlfriend's always right' clause. No one filled you in?"
"I think I may have heard of
it once or twice," Andrew said with a chuckle, glad that the conversation
seemed to be turning away from more serious topics. It felt good to get that
off his chest with Dawn, but he felt like he'd poured enough of his heart out
for the time being. Dawn said she wouldn't judge him for these things, but that
didn't mean he wasn't afraid something would come out that she couldn't handle.
His past had more than its share of darkness.
"Good, 'cause keeping it in
mind will get you far in this relationship." She leaned in and kissed him.
"See? I still want you."
"I don't want to do anything
to make you run off," Andrew said once Dawn had pulled away.
"You won't," Dawn said,
smiling.
"How can you be so sure? I
mean, I'm perfectly capable of�"
Dawn pressed her finger to his lips
to silence him. "I know because, well�" She dropped her hand and took
a deep breath, deciding there was no time like the present to let him know how
she felt. "I know because I love you."
Andrew stared at her, slack-jawed. He
tried to speak, but only managed to open and close his mouth a few times.
"Aren't you going to say
anything?" Dawn asked, his response making her doubt her decision to tell
him. Was it too soon? Saying that scared guys off sometimes,
didn't it? But Andrew had said he didn't want her getting scared off, so why
would he be the one to bolt? Unless maybe her being in love
with him was really that scary.
"Well? I mean, I have zero relationship experience, unless you count that
vampire from Halloween a few years back and RJ of the possessed jacket, but
isn't this usually where you'd say you love me, too? Unless you don't, in which
case can you just forget I said anything, so I can quit babbling and we can go
back to where we were..,"
"No one's ever been in love with
me before," Andrew said, stopping Dawn before she could keep going. "I�do
you really?"
"I wouldn't have said it if I
didn't."
"How�how do you know? Are you
sure it's love?"
"Either that or a bad case of indigestion."
Dawn giggled at the look Andrew gave her. "It's love. I'm sure of it. I've
never really felt anything like this before, but I know that's what it has to
be." She took a deep breath, then said it again.
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
"And how do you know?" Dawn teased.
"Just do."
"So you think maybe you could
rethink this whole getting out of bed thing?"
"We're back to that, are
we?" Dawn nodded, and Andrew took a deep breath. Dawn was clutching the
sheet to her bare body, her hair tousled and her lips swollen from kissing. She
was gorgeous�everything he could ever want. "Not now."
"Why
not?" She gave him
a pout that almost shot his willpower all to hell.
"Because I want it to be
special," Andrew replied.
"It will be special. It'll be us."
"I know, but�" He closed
his eyes for a moment, reminding himself exactly why he was turning down the
gorgeous, willing woman in front of him. "There's
lots of reasons why right now isn't a good time. You decided today that you
want to, and before you tell me you're not going to change your mind, you still
could, whether you realize it or not. It's a big step, and it's not one that
can be taken back."
"But�"
"No. Listen. I do have more
experience here, okay? Let's do this right. Put some planning into it?"
"Planning?" Dawn asked, her brow furrowed.
"Well, yeah. I keep trying to
tell you, it shouldn't be a spur of the moment decision. For one thing, I don't
have any condoms, and I doubt you do either."
"Oh. Good point." Dawn blushed a little. "I didn't think of that."
"And that's important." Andrew
gave her a crooked smile. "As beautiful as I'm sure our children would be,
I really don't want to see one anytime soon."
"So we need to buy some
condoms. That's no so big of a deal."
"There's more than that,
Dawn."
"Like?"
"I told you, I want it to be
special."
"And I said�"
"I know what you said. But
that's not what I meant. Maybe go someplace first? Have dinner at a nice
restaurant?"
Dawn thought about that for a
moment. That could be nice, she decided. Something special to
mark the occasion. "So when? Tomorrow?"
"I was thinking more like
Friday."
"Friday? But it's Tuesday now! That's like�three
days away!"
Andrew chuckled. "Yeah, it is.
I want to give you some time change your mind if you need to."
"I'm not going to change my
mind! I've made it up, and that's where it was going to stay."
Andrew decided the stubborn gene
must be very strong in the Summers family. Not that he
really minded so much. He liked strong women. But right now, he needed her to
give in, at least a little. He had no doubt that in most things in this relationship, she'd get her way without much of a fight, but
not here. It was too important. But he wasn't against compromise. "How about Thursday then? It'll give you a day to
really think about it, make sure you don't have any doubts that you're ready
for this."
Dawn sighed. If he could give in a
little, so could she. "Fine. Thursday.
I don't have to keep my hands off you until then, do I?"
"Um, no. Not even sure that would be physically
possible� But I do think maybe we should cool it down for a little bit right
now. Are you hungry?"
"A little. I guess it has been a while since
breakfast."
"Then how about you put on
some clothes, and we'll raid the fridge, okay?"
"Okay." Dawn stood,
letting the sheet fall to the bed as she found her clothes. Andrew wasn't sure
if she was just to the point that she was perfectly comfortably being naked
around him or if she was purposely taunting him.
Either way, it was going to be a
long couple of days�

***
*** ***
I put this fic on hiatus for a
while for several reasons, and while I don't feel like getting into them all right
now, just take my word for it when I say they were really good ones. But it's
back now, and I'm not planning another three month break.
I would, however, like to know if
you're all still with me out there, so if you're still interested in this fic,
please review and let me know. It's easy to lose readers when you have to take
a break from a fic for a while, and I want to know if people still care about
reading this.
Also, a note
about some earlier reviews and author's notes. When I clarified that this isn't a
"sappy love story," I didn't meant that in a way like I was insulted
that that's what people think it is. I mean it really, really isn't. As in there's some serious angst coming up. I meant that
more as a warning that a defense of my fic (because honestly, I have no problem
with sappy love stories).I don't want people thinking that's what this is and
then being blindsided when a large chunk of it is not. So, to sum up: When I
say this isn't just a sappy love story, I'm not saying the previous chapters
aren't sappy. I'm saying later ones will not be. Hope that
cleared that up.
- 8
- 9
- 10
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Both Sides Now