Where? When? Gah!

Chapter 9 - A Spot of Remembrance

William opened his eyes to see a dark alley in front of him. He
realized he was sitting on an old crate, but before he could stand and
brush himself off a lilting voice floated over from the dark entrance to
the alley.

A dark haired, pale faced beauty walked toward him. He could see
her lips moving but couldn't quite make out the words she spoke.
Before he knew what was happening she had him pinned to the wall
and her lips were lowering toward his neck.

He closed his eyes as he felt the sharp sting of fangs entering his
skin. He cried out in pain as the dark goddess before him drained the
life from his body.

When he opened his eyes again she was there. Petting him softly
and gazing at him with something akin to love. Yet the look didn't
give him the same feelings of security and warmth that Xander's looks
often did.

The scene spun out of control, images flashing before his eyes.
Hundreds, thousands of dead. Blood everywhere. Fists and Fangs.
From China to Prague to Sunnydale, his mind took him on a tour of
his unlife.

Will moaned and thrashed on the couch as Xander watched with a
worried frown. "Are you sure that potion won't have any side effects?
He doesn't look too good." Xander caressed Will's brow in comf

"He has got a lot of memories to recover Xander. He's probably
going through a few of them right now. It probably seems like a long
nightmare to him." Giles explained.

Xander continued to smooth his lover's creased brontilntil the crystal
blue eyes finally blinked open. "Xander?" Spike croaked out in a
hoarse whisper.

"Drink some water Spike." Xander offered him the cool cup. "H-how
are you feeling." He was afraid to ask what memories he'd
recovered.

"I've been better luv." Spike answered after handing him back the
empty cup. Xander's heart flipped over at the term, then flipped back
at Spike's next statement. "Still haven't remembered everything
though. My memories are still pretty muzzy after those bloody soldier
bastards got a hold of me."

"Oh." His eyes were downcast. "So you still don't remember
anything about..." His voice trailed off.

"'Fraid not Xan." Spike could tell Xander was hurt by his answer, but
he didn't know what he could do about it. He still remembered
everything that Xander had done for him while he was 'William'. He
also remembered all of his feelings toward Xander as William. He
would have lied, but it had felt wrong somehow. Big bloody Bad he
was.

"Don't worry Xander. I'm sure that his memories will come back in
time. But at least for now he has recovered his fighting prowess and
can help us retrieve Dawn when thme ime is right." Giles glanced up
the stairs where Willow had disappeared over two hours earlier.

"Too right! I'm not gonna let that bloody hell bitch touch a hair on the
bit's head!" Spike was adamant. "I may not remember much, but I
remember the bit. And nobody is going to hurt her."

Xander's look was crestfallen. Tara reached over and placed a soft
hand over his. "Don't Xander." She whispered softly. "You know the
monk's spell was powerful. That's the only reason he has those
memories right now." Xander nodded and gave heplasplastic smile.

It didn't matter to him why Spike could remember those things but not
their relationship. It only mattered that he did. Xander knew he was
being petty, but after everythingt hat had happened he felt he had a
small right to it. When was he going to get HIS Spike back?

"Until we're ready, I'm going to try to find out as much about the ritual
needed by Glory as I can." Giles stood to begin the research. Giles
had stopped at the Magic Box on their way back into town to grab
whatever he thought they might need to get Dawn back.

"I'll help you Mr. G-Giles." Tara followed him out the door into the
dining room wanting to give the two men a chance to talk alone.

Xander and Spike were left alone in the living room. Xander couldn't
look at Spike. He knew the moment he did he'd start to bawl. And he
really really really felt like he'd done enough of that in the past 3 days
to last a lifetime!

"Xan?"

"Please d cal call me that Spike." Xander sounded defeated. "I just
don't think I can take it right now."

"I'm sorry." He scooted a little closer to the dejected figure. "Can I
just..." Spike ducked his head, a gesture Xander associated more
with William than Spike. "I just want to say something."

"Okay." Xander started when he felt Spike's hand reach out and
clasp his own.

"I do remember the last few days. The things you've said, the way -
bloody hell!" Spike was frustrated that he couldn't find the right
words. He ran his fingers through his curls before continuing. "The
way you made me feel. You made me burn." He scooted even
closer, so that their legs were flush against each other.

"Not just that. But you made me feel safe. You were the one person
I felt comfortable with." Now he looked away, retracting his hand from
Xander's. "Now that I've got my other memories back I don't...I
mean, it's hard to see what...why you'd love me. I...I know I'm a
monster."

"No Spike! I don't believe that." Xander willed Spike to believe him.
This time Xander's hand reached out to clasp his.

"I know luv." Spike looked up to meet Xander's imploring gaze. "You
treat me...least ways, you make me feel like a man." Spike leaned
forward slowly until their lips were pressing together. He could feel
Xander's warm breath on his face, and could feel his sweet lips
moving against his own.

They pulled apart reluctantly. Spike's blue eyes holding Xander's
brown in a warm embrace. "Thank you." The words were whispered
between them.

"I think I've found something." Giles reentered the room, carrying a
large dusty tome. "According to this text, the gates must be opened
at precisely the proper moment. By my calculations that should be
midnight tomorrow."

Spike and Xander looked up from their seats. "So we have 24 hours
to prepare to fight a hell god?" Xander asked.

"Well, yes. But at least we know when the ritual needs to take place.
So that means we just have to delay her long enough to pass the
deadline. At least we can try to - " Giles was cutoff with the sound of
feet stomping down the stairs.

Buffy and Willow entered the room. Some of the tension dissipated
when they saw that Buffy was again up and around. "So we know the
time. Now we just need the place." Buffy grabbed her coat, heading
toward the door. "I'm going to do a quick search pattern across town.
There's got to be some sign of where she's planning this shindig."
And with that she was out the door.

Giles turned to Willow with a querying stare. "Is she alright?"

"I think so. Her mind was, I guess it was like a trap for her. She kept
going through this loop of guilt. It all revolved around Dawn, but I
think I got her to see that Dawn needed her out here. And that if she
let herself get stuck in that loop, she really would be guilty of letting
Dawn down." Willow shrugged. "She seemed to snap out of it. And
look! Now she's all 'Let's Get 'Em'! So good. Right?"

"You did great sweetie." Tara reassured her girlfriend.

"Yes, quite." Giles quickly agreed. "Now I suggest we all get a few
hours rest. We can wake early and start working out a plan to stall
Glory as long as possible, once we find her."

Willow and Tara headed up to the master bedroom, Giles taking
Dawn's room. That pretty much left the couch and floor downstairs,
since neither Xander nor Spike wanted to take Buffy's bed in case
she came home soon.

"You can take the couch Spike." Xander offered. He got up and
pulled a few blankets and pillows from the hall closet.

"You sure luv?" Spike asked.

"Yeah, your probably still not up to your bad self yet. You should take
it. I'll be fine." Xander insisted.

"Okay luv." Spike agreed only because he had plans of his own. He
accepted the linens from Xander, letting his hand brush over Xan's for
a second or two longer than necessary. "Thanks Xan."

Xander only nodded. Damn that stupid lump in his throat! So Spike
called him Xan. Big deal. The potion was obviously working. He
would have his Spike back and whole any time soon. He looked
away as he spread out his blanket on the floor. He just wasn't sure if
he would survive until then. He bit back his sniffle as he lay down
and tried to get comfy for the remainder of the night.