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Know Who I Am	By : Paigie Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 4757 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
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Chapter List
- 7
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- 9
Do you remember that time I made lunch for the gang when I was still expelled from school? Right, well I have a little confession to make. That lunch was mostly just assembly work. I didn’t have to cook anything. The truth is I’m not very good at cooking. Now slicing and dicing I can totally do. I’m a master at the prep work, but it’s the not burning things that I have a problem with.
So today when my mom asked me to help with the dinner tonight I was a little nervous but I said yes. How else can you learn how to cook unless someone shows you how? Tonight my mom is one of my personal favorites. Lasagna with a side of garlic bread, and a baked potato. I know that sounds a little weird, but it’s what I like. She put me in charge of the potatoes, and everything was going fine. I heated up the oven to the right temperature, and I wrapped the potatoes in tin foil like my mom told me to.
What she forgot to mention is when baking a potato you’re supposed to take a fork and stab it a couple of times. I guess she just assumed that only an idiot wouldn’t know that because they went in puncture free and it didn’t take long for them to explode. How was I supposed to know that would happen? Nobody’s ever told me these things. I guess it doesn’t matter now. We cooked the lasagna before the potatoes so that’s safe but unfortunately the bread didn’t make it.
“Buffy it’s alright. We’ll just have a salad to go with the lasagna. Everything will be just fine. How are you going to learn unless you make mistakes?” I guess she’s right, but that isn’t really helping. I’ve been sitting at the center island for the last ten minutes pouting. I wanted dinner tonight to be perfect because Faith and Tanner and Sam are coming over. Faith and I patrolled last night and she said that Sam still isn’t feeling well but she’s ok enough to come over as long as they don’t stay too late.
Faith and I are both really nervous about tonight. Tonight we’re going to tell my mom about the vampire situation, and about the Council. Hopefully she’ll say it’s ok for them to move in. I really want them here where it’s safe, and where vampires need an invitation to get in. And ok it does have a little to do with the fact that I like her. If we’re living in the same house then I’ll be able to get to know her a lot better.
“I just feel so stupid. I can save the world from evil, and do a double back flip but I can’t heat up a potato.” I sigh in frustration and put my head down on the counter. It’s cool and my head doesn’t hurt as bad anymore. My mom puts her hand on my shoulder and gives it a gentle squeeze. I know she’s just trying to make me feel better, but it’s not helping. I actually feel a tiny bit worst.
“I’m sure it took practice before you could do a double back flip, right?” I nod my head yes and she starts to rub my shoulders. Now that’s more like it. “Well, consider this your practice, and now you know that you have to poke holes in them.” I hate it when she makes valid points. I sigh and sit up straight. She stops rubbing my shoulders and goes over to the fridge. She gets out the salad mix and put it in a big bowl.
“Why don’t you go get the door while I put this stuff on the table?” she says when the doorbell rings. I hop off the stool and walk towards the living room. The quickest way to the living room is to walk through the dining room. So that’s what I do. What I see on the table makes my blood boil a little bit. My mom must’ve found them this morning and washed them because sitting on the table is my Kermit the Frog plate, my Foozie spoon, my Rowlf the Dog fork, my Animal knife, and my Miss Piggy cup. I will not get mad, I will not get mad, I will not get mad.
The doorbell rings again and I roll my eyes. What, they don’t have any patience? I walk into the foyer and I take a deep breath. Ok, I can do this. I can make it through this night without getting jealous and saying something really mean. Faith is your friend and saying something mean will hurt her eve if she doesn’t show it. What I’ve noticed about Faith is she bottles up her emotions and takes them out on the vamps and demons we run into on patrol.
I open the door and the first thing I see is Faith. She’s wearing a really nice black shirt and it looks brand new. It doesn’t have a picture or writing on it and for Faith that’s rare. At least I think it is. She’s wearing dark blue, hip hugging jeans and they look new too. I look over to the left and I see a guy standing next to her. If I had to guess I’d say he’s five ten, maybe five eleven. He has sandy blonde hair, light brown eyes, and a really nice smile.
“Hey. You guys are right on time,” I say with a polite smile. I step back and let them in the house. The guy I’m assuming is Tanner is holding Sam and she has a big smile on her face, and her arm is wrapped around the back of his neck. I remember what it felt like to be held by my dad like that. Sam’s a very lucky little girl, even if she doesn’t know it. I look over at Faith as I close the door and she has a small smile on her face.
“Buffy this is Tanner. Tanner this is Buffy,” she says and she looks a little nervous. Tanner shifts Sam to his other side and shakes my hand. Hmm, that’s a little odd. Most people don’t do that anymore. His mom must’ve raised him to be a gentleman. And here I thought chivalry was dead. After the hand shake things get very quiet and awkward. Now what are we supposed to do?
“Where’s your bathroom? I need to wash Sammy up for dinner,” Tanner asks. He has a nice voice. I can’t really describe it but I’m willing to admit that it’s nice. Faith really wasn’t exaggerating like I was hoping. Tanner isn’t just a piece of eye candy, he’s a bowl full. I really hope I can make it through tonight.
“It’s up the stairs, second door on the right.” He nods his head and walks up the stairs. He has a nice butt too. Is there anything about this guy that isn’t perfect? ‘Cause this totally isn’t fair. “So when you said that Tanner is a bowl full of eye candy you weren’t kidding.” Faith chuckles and then sighs. It’s definitely one of those ‘I have a very hot boyfriend’ type of sighs.
“Nope, I really wasn’t. He washes up nice, doesn’t he? Most of the time he’s in his Metallica t-shirt and ripped jeans, and he usually has oil marks on his face. He works on the truck a lot. I’m so used to the smell of motor oil that it’s kind of a turn on, but seeing him in slacks isn’t a bad sight at all.” I nod my head a little and try to smile but it doesn’t come. I will not get jealous tonight. I will not get jealous.
“Hi Faith,” I hear my mom say as she walks in the room. She gives Faith a little hug that doesn’t last very long. My mom opens her mouth to say something, probably to ask about Sam and Tanner, but before she can the two come down the stairs. Sam has a little frown on her face, and my eyebrows furrow a little. I wonder what that’s all about? I stay quiet while Faith makes the introductions.
“Joyce this is my boyfriend Tanner. Tanner this is Buffy’s mom Joyce.” Yeah, ‘cause I don’t think he would’ve figured that one out on his own. Ok, getting mad at Faith isn’t the answer. You wanted to meet him remember? Besides if they’re going to live here then I need to get used to the fact that this very gorgeous guy is with Faith. He shakes my mom’s hand and I’m sure she’s just as surprised as I was.
“Mommy, hold me,” Sam says in a whiney voice and holds her arms out for Faith. She was happy a minute ago. What happened upstairs? Faith gets a weird look on her face like this isn’t normal, and takes her daughter into her arms. “Daddy’s being mean.” I look over at Tanner with raise eyebrows and he smiles a little bit. Before anyone can as he starts explaining.
“She saw a toy pig in one of the bedrooms on our way to the bathroom and she wanted to play with it. She absolutely hates the word no.” She better keep her little paws off Mr. Gordo. She can use my Muppet dining set but Mr. Gordo is where I draw the line. My dad got me Mr. Gordo when I was nine. So I may seem selfish but she can’t touch him.
“Who really likes to be told no?” Mom says with a little smile. Then she claps her hands together and looks back and forth between Faith and Tanner. “Dinner is ready and on the table. You two have perfect timing.” We go into the dining room and we take our seats. Sam squeals when Faith puts her down and she sees the Muppets dining set. At least she likes them. And if using those makes her that happy she can use them whenever she wants. Well, at least at dinner time she can.
“Daddy look it’s a doggy fork,” she says and holds it up for Tanner to see. Jeez, what’s gotten into her? Is this really the same kid? Because the other night she barely said two words, and she cried when we looked at her. “And a bear spoon.” She puts the fork down and picks up the spoon so Tanner can see. He smiles a little and Sam gets a huge smile on her face.
“Well you’re very talkative tonight, Sam,” my mom says as she scoops up a piece of lasagna with the spatula and puts it on her plate. She passes the dish to her right and sits down. “Be careful, it’s hot.” She warns Faith. Faith gets a little smile on her face and glances over at Sam, and then looks back at my mom.
“She couldn’t wait to get here tonight so her daddy could meet Buffy and Mrs. Summers.” She looks over at Sam again and then puts a piece of lasagna on her plate, and passes it to her Tanner. “She’s really shy when she first meets someone, and when she’s with me but she loves impressing her dad. Most of the time when she’s with him I might as well not exist.” She has a smile on her face and she doesn’t sound mad or jealous or whatever. She sounds proud.
“Buffy was the same way when she was that age. I remember I would come home from work and if I got there before Hank the first words out of her mouth were ‘hi Mom, where’s dad?’” She laughs a little and so do Faith and Tanner. Sam laughs too but I think that’s because everyone else is laughing. Ok, I so need to change the subject. I don’t know to what but it needs to be changed.
“Daddy what’s that?” Sam asks when Tanner puts a small piece of lasagna on her plate. She sounds really grossed out and her nose is scrunched up. She looks really cute right now. Tanner puts a very large piece on his plate and stabs some onto his fork and looks at Sam. Her eyes are on him now and she isn’t even blinking.
“It’s lasagna,” he says and she raises an eyebrow. Holy shit. So that’s genetic? And here I thought Faith does it just to annoy me. “It’s really good.” He puts the bite of food into his mouth and slides it off the fork with his lips. As soon as the fork is gone and the noodles, meat and cheese are on his tongue his eyes go wide and he starts coughing a little. “It’s hot.” He sounds like he’s in a little bit of pain, and I’m smiling on the inside.
“You ok, babe?” Faith asks and rubs Tanner’s back with her right hand. Her left hand is on his shoulder. I will not get jealous, I will not get jealous, I will not get jealous. “Drink some water.” She hands him his glass of water and he takes a little sip, and the coughing calms down. “Joyce said it was hot. You should’ve blown on it.” She gives him a dimple filled smile, and runs her hand down his arm as she turns back to her own plate.
I give Tanner a polite smile when he passes the casserole dish to me. I want to hate him because he’s with Faith but he’s making it hard. So far he’s been nothing but nice, and polite. Everyone is quiet while we make up our salads. Even Sam gets some. I’ve never seen a little kid eat a salad before. What was that one episode of Tiny Toon Adventures, real kids don’t eat broccoli? Well in this case it’s real kids don’t eat salad.
“So Tanner,” my mom says and takes a sip of wine. Uh-oh. I know that tone of voice. She’s going to interrogate him. This should be good. I cover up a smile by taking a very large drink of water. “You and Faith have been together for four years, is that correct?” Tanner swallows the bite of food, and wipes his mouth off with his napkin.
“It’ll be four years in November.” He even remembers their anniversary! No guys remember that. He gets a playful smile on his face and glances over at Faith. “Ever since she got her slayer strength I’ve been too afraid to forget the important dates.” Faith smiles but reaches over and pushes him on the shoulder. He pushes her back and they’re both laughing now. I can’t help but roll my eyes at their cuteness. Do they have to flaunt it?
“Are you working at all?” She’s keeping her tone light and making it seem like it’s friendly curiosity but I know that look in her eyes. It’s the same look she gets when I introduce her to one of my boyfriends. I’ve dated a few people before Angel, and I introduced them to my mom. Don’t look so surprised. Anyway, I take another bite of my yummy lasagna and wait to hear what Tanner has to say.
“I work at the grocery store. I’m a stock boy.” Ok, so I guess he’s telling the truth since that’s what Faith said too. “It only pays minimum wage, but I’ve been working a lot of double shifts the last week and a half, and the Council is paying for our room.” He’s getting defensive, which is understandable, but so not the way to go. My mom isn’t going to call him out on it or anything but for future reference he needs to learn to chill out.
“Mom, Faith and I sorta wanted to talk to you about something. Well, actually I did, Faith is just sort of going with it.” I’ve been spending way too much time with Willow. “There’s this group of vampires that’s new in town.” I might as well get this over with. I glance over at Faith and I can tell she’s thinking the same thing. “And I know with Sunnydale being a hellmouth that isn’t surprising but these ones are really bad. Right now it just isn’t safe at a motel. Since motels are a communal business vampires don’t need an invitation to enter the rooms.”
“You’ve been staying at a motel?” my mom asks Faith. Her eyebrows are furrowed but her tone wasn’t harsh so I’d say she’s boarder line mad. “I thought you had an apartment. Buffy why didn’t you tell me they were staying at in motel?” How can she be angry at me right now? This so isn’t fair.
“Faith didn’t want me to tell you. Don’t get mad, ok? But we talked about it a little already and we both think it would be safer if Faith, and Sam, and Tanner move in here for a while. At least until we take care of this vampire cult.” My mom gets a look on her face like I’ve gone completely insane.
“Of course they can move in. We have two spare bedrooms we’re using for storage. It’ll take a day or two to clean them out, but I’m sure we can get Willow and Xander to help out.” Faith and I make eye contact and she looks like she’s about to panic. I know why and I give her a look that says ‘calm down, I’ll handle it’ but I don’t think my message is getting across.
“They can’t help, Mom. The Council doesn’t know that Faith has a daughter. Nobody in Sunnydale but us knows, and it has to stay that way for now. If the Council finds out they’ll take her away.” My mom pales a little in the face and she stops moving. She looks completely shocked and I have no idea what to do next. I didn’t practice this part. I only had time to practice the telling her part. I didn’t get around to the possible reactions.
“Joyce,” Tanner says and puts down his fork. His voice is soft but full of seriousness. It’s almost like he’s demanding her attention, but not in a mean way. I thought Faith said he was shy? Shy people don’t sound like that. “It was a huge shock to me too. But you can’t tell anyone. If the Council finds out horrible things will happen.” Yeah, Faith will go psycho and start killing the Council members. And I’ll be right behind her in case she misses any. “You’re a parent, and I bet there’s nothing you wouldn’t do to protect your daughter. I’m asking you as a parent to help me protect mine.” Not only is he gorgeous he’s great at giving speeches. He’s perfect.
“Buffy and I will clean out the room this weekend. You three can move in on Monday. I’m sorry, excuse me.” She gets up and walks into the kitchen. She’s had to deal with so much since I told her about me being a slayer. I really don’t think she can handle any more information. I look over at Faith and she has this look of pride on her face. Her hand is on top of Tanner’s on the table and their fingers are laced together. I’m too worried about my mom to be jealous.
“I think we should go now, and let you two talk,” Faith says and stands up. I don’t want her to go but I don’t feel like arguing. I nod my head and stand up too. Tanner picks up Sam and we make our way towards the front door. “Tell your mom dinner was great. I haven’t had lasagna that good in a long time.” I smile a little bit and stop in the foyer. I look into her eyes and I can’t really tell what she’s feeling. There’s too many conflicting emotions.
“I’ll tell her that. Drive safe, ok? You never know what might jump out in front of your car.” I really just said that, and there’s nothing I can do to change it. Faith is being totally sweet and I was cold just now. Drive safe? What kind of shit is that? I think it’s because they’re holding hands, and standing really close together. They love each other and there’s nothing I can do about it.
They leave and I’m just standing here staring at the front door. Tanner is perfect. He seems really smart, and he’s hot, he obviously a good dad because Sam’s world revolves around him. There’s no way in hell I’m going to be able to compete with that. And I’m not even sure I want to. Let’s say I do decide to win over Faith. Hypothetically I tell her how I fell, and I show her how I feel, and she chooses me over Tanner. I wouldn’t just be winning Faith like some prize. I’d be breaking up a family. I’d be no better than the slut my dad left my mom for.
I can’t do that. I’m not going to be ‘the other woman’. I’m not going to be the slut that breaks up a happy family. I have to just let go of this fantasy of Faith and I being a couple. I need to move on, and right now. I got upstairs to my bedroom and dig around in my backpack until I find what I’m looking for. I pick up my phone and unfold the little piece of paper. I very slowly dial all the numbers and hold the phone up to my ear.
“Hi, is Scott there?……Hey, it’s Buffy. I was thinking about what you said today, and I thought I’d give you a call……Well, I’m busy this weekend but maybe next weekend we can do something. I have to check with my mom first……Yeah, mine can be just as bad.”
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Know Who I Am