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Don't Go	By : Kinetickid Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Tara Views: 11781 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
Tara laughs softly as she looks at the tray piled up with food. Standing, she grabs the two large drinks that are in danger of tipping over. Setting them down on the table Tara smiles softly at the slayer. �Did you buy everything?�
�Not quite.� Buffy shakes her head and places the tray on the table. �I got a couple salads. One a chef�s salad, the other�s one of those oriental salads with real chicken on it. There�s also a couple cheese steak subs, a fruit and cheese plate, chicken sandwiches, waffle fries� and who knows what else.� Buffy waves at the tray grabbing one of the cheese steak subs. �Grab what you want.�
Tara grins crookedly at the slayer before looking at the tray and slowly sorting the items, the chicken oriental salad actually looking pretty good. Placing that in front of her, she digs for a fork and dressing while watching Buffy tear through the sub and one of the orders of fries. Looking through the rest of the items, she pulls out the cheese and fruit plate. �Have at the rest, honey.� Tara waves at the tray still piled with items.
�These waffle fries are pretty good, you sure you don�t want to try one?� Buffy offers, holding one of the fries out to Tara, smiling as Tara accepts it.
Tara chuckles and grabs the waffle fry dripping with cheese. Licking her lips as a bit of cheese didn�t quite make into her mouth, she laughs softly. �Yes, it�s good. But I�ll stick with what I have here. You eat to your little hearts content.� Tara knows Buffy can put away the food, the woman�s appetite having come back with a vengeance. Realizing the small slayer probably ate more than her father and brother did put together, and her brother had been no slouch in the food department. Sighing quietly at the thoughts of her family, Tara pokes at her salad and slowly works on eating it.
Buffy looks at Tara curiously, seeing the sad look along with the sigh. Grabbing another sandwich and unwrapping it, Buffy looks at the item for a few moments before finally questioning Tara. �Having you fix me with the cleansing and ritual thingy, what are the pluses and minuses of it?�
Tara drops her fork and looks up at Buffy in surprise. �Are you just c-curious or are you thinking seriously about this?�
Buffy looks at Tara for a moment before looking back down. �These mood swings I�m having are driving me crazy, Tara. I go from being happy, too depressed to ready to rip somebody�s head off at a seconds notice. I don�t like it when I take my anger out on you, my jumping on you and becoming angry yesterday scared me.� Buffy admits quietly. �I just want a better idea of what it entails and what the side effects may be.�
Tara takes a deep calming breath and looks at Buffy. �This probably isn�t the best place to discuss this, Buffy. But what I can tell you is that I can�t tell you for a fact exactly what the side effects are. I can tell you what they COULD be, but it depends on how much of myself I�d have to put into the healing of you, and how strong of a connection it makes. We could just be aware of the other person being in our heads, per se. But not really knowing what that person is thinking, without sending them a specific thought. Or we may know each others most intimate thoughts and feelings with no way of blocking them out. We may be able to block the other person�s feelings, or thoughts but not both. Each person is different, and I may just be able to put a temporary patch on you, and have to let you heal on your own.�
Buffy looks into worried blue eyes as Tara tries to explain. �So, we really don�t know what might happen, except for the fact that it should help me. You may or may not be in my head. I may or may not end up in yours.�
�Basically.� Tara runs a hand through her hair nervously. �But while I�m doing it, we would literally be open to each other, Buffy. All our fears, thoughts, wants, and desires would be there for the other person to see and know. And once I start the ritual, we will need to finish it. There will be no way of stopping in the middle of it if you change your mind.�
Buffy nods her head in understanding, looking back down at her sandwich. �Let me think on it. Maybe when we get back home if there�s anything else you can think of that might be of importance, you can tell me.� Buffy frowns and slowly looks up as Tara continues to sit there quietly. �You never said whether or not you would want to do this, Tara. This doesn�t just affect me, it affects you, too.�
Tara swallows and stares at Buffy for a few minutes, seeing the silent question in the slayer�s eyes. �I�ll do whatever you want me to do, Buffy.� Tara finally whispers.
Buffy leans forward to look into worried blue eyes. �That wasn�t really what I was looking for. Would you want to do this Tara? Do you want to chance me knowing you better than anyone else in the world? To know you completely, as only you know yourself? Because that�s basically what you�re telling me, right? That this could happen. And if it does, what if you fall in love with someone, could it be like I�m with you as you make love? And vice versa?�
Tara pales at Buffy�s questions and slowly nods her head. �It�s possible, Buffy. Very possible. There are reasons people aren�t meant to be brought back from the dead. Willow�s very lucky you came back as well as you did. Most people�s minds would have been completely shattered by the experience, and I tried to explain to her that it wasn�t something she should do, but�� Tara takes a deep shuddering breath, her eyes filling with tears. �I can�t tell you how happy I was to see you. At that moment, I thought anything and everything that possibly could happen, would be worth it. Now, knowing the pain and heartache you�re going through�� Tara wraps her arms around her waist and shivers uncontrollably.
Buffy reaches across the short distance and grasps Tara�s forearm, gently squeezing it. �Don�t blame yourself, Tara. It�s over and done with. I�m here now, so we need to go forward, right?�
Tara slowly nods her head, the tears filling her eyes and making them glassy, but not falling. �It doesn�t make it right, though Buffy.� Tara whispers, the tears finally falling.
�Shhh.� Buffy frowns and shifts the chair around the small table until it�s against Tara�s chair. Finding herself in the unlikely position of trying to calm Tara, Buffy wraps her arm around her shaking shoulders. �Damn it, I did it again. Come on, Tare. I don�t want you to be upset.� Buffy places her forehead against Tara�s temple, reaching up with her free hand to gently brush the tears from Tara�s cheek. �I go from making you cry, to not talking to me, to running away from me. I�m starting to wonder how good of an idea it was to keep you from leaving.� Buffy whispers softly closing her eyes as she contemplates the Wiccan.
Tara swallows hard and shakes her head slightly. �I�m glad you d-did, Buffy. S-since my m-mama d-died, your house is the only p-place that f-feels like home.� Tara leans heavier into the slayer. �It�s n-not just you. I th-think I�m f-finally starting to r-realize that I�ve l-left W-willow for good.� Tara sighs heavily at the thought, knowing how true it is. The feelings she has for the slayer, bringing that home with a vengeance. Almost not wanting Buffy to want to do the ritual, there being no way she could keep the slayer from learning how much she cares for her.
�I want it to be your home, too.� Buffy softly admits, settling the hand that had gently brushed the tears away from Tara�s cheeks on the Wiccan�s thigh, gently squeezing it. Shifting her head up, she presses her lips firmly against Tara�s temple. �No more anger, tears, hurt feelings�� Buffy tilts her head and tries to think of anything else to add to that list. �Or just plain meanness allowed for the rest of today. We�re going to have some fun. But not watching any of the movies that are showing here, they all sound like crap.� Buffy grumbles.
Tara chuckles as she relaxes, unwrapping her arms and gently patting Buffy�s hand that�s still clasping her thigh. �So, what do you have planned, slayer?�
�Stop at the movie rental place and pick up some oldies but goodies, along with some Sno Caps, Goobers and Red Licorice to pig out on while we watch them.� Buffy rambles off quickly, smiling at the quiet laughs coming from Tara. �But right now, we have food to consume. So eat.� Buffy points to the salad, hugging Tara quickly before releasing her and shifting back around the table.
�Yes, boss.� Tara grins crookedly at Buffy before relaxing to start eating the late lunch.
***

Willow lets herself back into her parent�s house, carrying the Chinese food. �I�m back.� She calls out quietly, hoping not to startle Amy. Having come across a spell Saturday when she went to the Magic Box that ended up being the right spell to de-rat Amy, she had taken her over to her parent�s house and performed it. Now the nervous, scared and extremely twitchy woman was staying in her room and refusing to leave the house.
Amy scurries from the corner she�d been hiding in since Willow left, quickly following the redhead into the kitchen.
�I picked you up some of the Egg Drop Soup you wanted, along with House Lo Mein and Egg Foo Young.� Willow starts pulling out the containers of food, setting them on the counter. �Have you thought any more about calling your dad?� Willow questions softly, her eyes worried as they glance at Amy, silently wondering if the young woman will ever be okay again, having spent the last three years as a rat, obviously having taken its toll on her.
�No.� Amy twitches nervously while picking up the container of soup, pulling the lid off to sip directly from the plastic container.
Willow pulls down plates and silverware along with a bowl to put the soup in. Setting the kitchen table, she gently eases the soup container from Amy and dumps some in the bowl, setting a bag of the crunchy noodles beside it. �Sit down, Amy. Would you like water, juice or milk with dinner?� Willow questions as she opens the refrigerator pulling out a soda for her self already learning not to give the woman anything with caffeine in it.
�Milk.� Amy sits down and taps nervously on the table, watching Willow apprehensively. �Are you sure your parents aren�t coming home soon?�
�No, Amy. They�re over in Eastern Europe somewhere.� Willow explains to the woman for the sixth or seventh time. Filling the glass with milk, she puts the gallon back in the refrigerator and grabs her soda, setting the drinks on the table as she settles in beside Amy and places some food on her plate, handing a fork to her. �Eat, Amy. You know once you�ve eaten you usually calm down some.� Willow gently taps the plate before putting some food on her plate, watching as Amy shakily starts to work on her food.
�Has anyone questioned you about me, yet?� Amy�s eyes twitch, moving constantly between her food and Willow and back again.
�No, not yet.� Willow shakes her head, sighing quietly as Amy�s nervousness starts to affect her. That not being something she needs right now, already nervous enough on her own with not having done any spells after changing Amy back into her human form.
�Can you tell me more?� Amy looks hopefully at Willow, the redhead having been explaining to her what happened since she turned herself into a rat their senior year of high school. Willow having told her about what happened with the relatively newly arrived slayer, Faith. Willow�s own vampire double, killing the mayor and Angel�s subsequent leaving to go to LA.
�After you eat, I�ll tell you about Freshman year of college and what transpired there.� Willow looks pointedly at the barely touched food, smiling softly as Amy hurriedly picks her fork back up and starts to eat. Relaxing back into the chair, Willow slowly eats while watching Amy. Silently wondering how the woman is going to react to finding out that she�s gay. Shrugging her shoulders, figuring she�ll know soon enough, Willow sips her soda and stares out the window at the darkening sky. As usual, trying to figure out when she�d taken such a drastic turn for the worse.
Amy hurriedly eats the food on her plate, looking up at Willow repeatedly, surprised as always at how much the woman�s changed in the past three years. The power practically oozing from her pores scaring Amy somewhat, as she realizes it feels close to what her mother felt like at the end. Not wanting to go that route again, Amy silently decides to do her damnedest not to get sucked back into the magic again. Knowing how easy it was to just let magic fix everything that was wrong, and look at what happened. She lost three years of her life and can�t even sit calmly for two seconds.
Willow purses her lips as she continues to consider what�s transpired recently. Buffy and Tara being almost inseparable, but she is almost positive there�s nothing going on between the two women. The almost being, that she occasionally catches Tara looking at Buffy like she used to look at her when they were first together. Buffy�s looks were harder to decipher, though she had caught Buffy looking at Tara more often than not with a curious look in her eyes. Sighing quietly at the thought of the two women becoming a couple, Willow feels a bolt of jealousy shoot through her before she buries it deeply within her. Running a hand through her hair, she blinks as Amy coughs quietly and waves to her empty plate and bowl. Smiling softly at the ex-rat, Willow nods her head towards the living room. �Let�s go sit in there where it�s more comfortable.�
�Okay.� Amy hurriedly stands, heading towards the living room before stopping and turning nervously, quietly mumbling. �Remember to put up your dishes, not a rat anymore, pick up after yourself.�
Willow quickly closes the containers of food and puts them in the refrigerator as Amy cleans off the table, placing the dirty dishes in the sink before wiping down the table. �I�ll load the dishwasher later, Amy.�
Amy bounces slightly and nods her head before hurrying to the living room.
Willow rubs her forehead as she slowly follows Amy. As Amy sits on the couch, fidgeting, Willow slowly paces back and forth, crossing her arms over her chest as she thinks about how to start telling Amy about what happened their freshman year. Slowly talking about how Buffy had an evil roommate, to her moving in with Buffy, through Oz cheating on her with Veruca and killing the werewolf before he left for Tibet.
Amy listens intently as Willow talks about what would have been her freshman year in college, her eyes twitching and her body shifting slightly on the couch. As Willow explains about the Initiative, Spike and her failed attempt at the �My Will Be Done� spell, and what happened with it, Amy inhales deeply, wondering if Willow knew that she was playing with fire by doing that spell.
Willow slowly explains about the Wicca Group meeting she went to on campus, the Gentlemen and meeting Tara while they were running for their lives, her voice softening unbeknownst to her as she thinks about that time.
Amy looks in surprise hearing the warmth coming into Willow�s voice as she talks about the other witch. Willow�s voice hadn�t shown that much warmth when she talked about Oz to begin with. Licking her lips nervously she continues to listen to what happened. When Willow becomes nervous and starts babbling more, Amy whispers quietly. �Willow, relax. Whatever it is, I�m not going to hate you for it. You saved me from my own stupidity. I could have stayed a rat for the rest of my life.�
Willow twists her hands nervously together as she looks at Amy seeing the honesty in her pale blue eyes. Finally explaining in a little more detail about her relationship with Tara through Oz coming back and her choosing the Wiccan. Seeing the surprise but no censure or hatred coming from Amy, Willow finishes telling her about Adam and how Buffy was supercharged and able to take out the Initiatives creation.
Amy blinks in surprise at Willow admitting she dated a woman, the warmth in her voice as she talks about Tara making a lot more sense now. Fighting the smile on her own face at the realization that she and Willow were more alike than even the redhead knows Amy relaxes a little more.
�You�re not going to freak out on me?� Willow questions nervously, looking at Amy
�No.� Amy shakes her head, grinning at the redhead. �I�m not much of one for the guys, Willow.� Amy comments softly, chuckling as Willow looks at her, the surprise obvious.
�But� I�� Willow sits down heavily in the chair facing Amy. �You never said anything?!�
Amy shrugs and blushes lightly. �It wasn�t exactly like people were real accepting of certain things. I don�t know how they would have reacted if I had said something.� Amy admits quietly. �So, how long did you and Tara date?�
Willow pales slightly and looks away, before answering Amy. �Until last week.�
�What?� Amy blinks in surprise, realizing Willow had dated the woman for almost two years.
�We were living together at Buffy�s house, taking care of her sister Dawn after Buffy had died.� Willow admits shakily, frowning heavily at the thought. �There�s a lot that happened between our freshman year and now, Amy.�
�Buffy�s dead?� Amy pales, feeing sick at the thought of the young woman being dead.
Willow hurriedly shakes her head. �She was, but she�s not now. I kinda brought her back after roughly four months.� Willow admits, watching as Amy pales even more before turning a greenish caste and hurries from the room to the bathroom. Worriedly following Amy, Willow slides into the bathroom and rubs her back gently as she finishes getting sick. Reaching over to the sink, she grabs a clean cloth and runs it under the cold water and hands it to Amy. �Are you okay?�
Amy nods her head, flushing the toilet as she sits more on the floor, scooting back to lean against the wall. Pressing the cold, wet cloth to her face, she feels Willow hesitantly sitting beside her, but not coming into contact with her. �Explain.�
Willow worriedly picks at her pants at the single simple word. �I have to go back a ways to explain how it got to that point�� Willow whispers before slowly explaining about Dawn�s origins, Joyce dying, Glory, even the argument she and Tara had before Glory sucked Tara�s mind through everything that happened pretty much the past year. How Buffy sacrificed herself for Dawn, her and Tara moving into Buffy�s house to take care of the teenager.
Amy listens carefully as Willow explains what happened, and how they had the robot of Buffy and how she came to be. Shivering slightly at that thought, Amy gets her mind off the sex toy as Willow finally whispers about the Urn of Osiris and bringing Buffy back from the dead. Interrupting, Amy questions Willow hurriedly. �What spell did you use, Willow?�
Willow swallows and stands. �I�ll get it.� Willow hurriedly runs into her room and sorts through her books to find the right one. Carrying it back into the bathroom, she flips it to the right page and hands it to Amy. Watching at the young witch reads over it and becomes even paler and looks like she might throw up again. �What is it?�
Amy shuts the book and takes shallow breaths trying to keep control of her stomach contents for a few minutes before she finally feels like she might not get sick. �How is she acting right now?�
�Angry at the world, one moment not seeming to give a shit the next. I was literally afraid she was going to beat me when I did the spell on Tar�� Willow pales and turns away as Amy looks at her in shock.
�You did a spell ON your girlfriend?� Amy whispers, her mind shutting down, not believing Willow would do something like that. �That�s why�� Amy realizes that�s why Willow and Tara were broken up now. Rubbing her hands roughly over her face, Amy shakes her head. �We�ll get back to that. So basically, Buffy has serious mood swings and has a hard time controlling her temper. Willow, what you did by bringing her back from Heaven was put a crack in her soul. You�re lucky she didn�t come back completely insane and uncontrollable. Could you imagine Buffy with her strength deciding on going on a rampage? She wouldn�t know any better! There�s something broken inside of her, and I honestly don�t know if it�ll mend, or not.� Amy explains softly, her eyes shadowed as she looks at Willow. �For everything you do, there is a reaction, Willow. You brought Buffy back, but Buffy�s hurt and not right. You�re lucky she hasn�t decided to rip you into a million pieces. Most times when someone has tried to do this type of spell in the past, the person it was done on kills it�s �creator� for lack of a better word, before it�s gone on a rampage and killed anything and everything in it�s way. Besides fracturing the person�s spirit, a lot of time it shatters their soul and leaves just a completely wild animal in its place with no reasoning capabilities at all.�
Willow swallows convulsively, feeling sick at what she�s hearing. �How� How do you know so much about it?�
�My mom�s book. There was some serious black magic in it, and one of the spells and consequences of the spell was detailed in it. It stuck in my head for some reason, and I recognized this spell as being almost identical to that one.� Amy waves at the notebook, her eyes shadowed and worried. �You�re damn lucky Buffy came back as well as she did, Willow. But she�s not right and it isn�t something that can easily be made right again.�
�Is there a way to make it right?� Willow pulls her knees up to her chest and wraps her arms around her legs tightly, feeling sick beyond measure.
�I don�t know.� Amy admits, shivering slightly at the thought. �The people that they mentioned before were too far gone to help. They had to put them to rest.�
�Goddess.� Willow whimpers, burying her face in her knees. �Tara�s been talking with Buffy, and trying to help her.� Willow finally admits quietly. �I think she saw that there was something seriously wrong with her.�

�She can see those type things?� Amy questions curiously.
�She can see auras. When Faith woke up from her coma, she did a body switch with Buffy. Tara could tell it wasn�t really Buffy in her body without ever having met her. She helped me access the Nether Realms to find out what happened and we created another Draconian Katra to switch them back.� Willow explains a little more in detail, from the brief synopsis she�d given Amy earlier.
�Willow, if you don�t get control of yourself, you�re going to end up like my mom� or worse.� Amy finally admits, hating to have to say it, but knowing she needs to. Coming so close herself, she doesn�t want to see the redhead lose herself to the darkness. �We probably both need to seek help.� Amy whispers softly, but knowing the couple Coven�s her mother had mentioned were Black Arts oriented.
�But who can I get help from? Tara was willing to help me before� but now I don�t think she will, even if Buffy would let me near her.� Willow whispers, the tears in her voice obvious.
Amy, surprised at the comment looks at Willow. �Willow? Is Buffy and Tara��
Willow shakes her head slowly, though not so sure. �They weren�t, but they�ve become closer here recently since I did the spell on Tara� The second spell.�
Amy groans and slumps further down the wall, covering her face with her hands. �What�s Tara like?�
Willow bites her lip as she fights the tears coming to her eyes. �Very kind, considerate, loving and powerful in her own right as a Wiccan. She does strictly light magic. She won�t touch anything that�s remotely dark. She only uses magic if she has to, or has an extremely good reason to use it.�
�A good witch, through and through.� Amy comments softly, before sighing heavily. �You�re too personally involved with her to listen to her, Willow. Is there anyone else you can contact that could find somewhere for us to get help? I know you�re fighting the magic running through your body, it�s calling to mine truthfully.�
Willow winces at Amy�s admittance before slowly nodding her head. �I can probably call Giles. If he�s still speaking to me, I wasn�t exactly nice to him the last time we talked.�
- 7
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