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Independence	By : norwalker Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Faith/Willow Views: 7379 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
Independence

By Norwalker
Part 8 of
Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story
Rating: R, Very R
Category: romance/drama/angst
Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!

Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them. All characters in this story are fictional, and no similarities to anyone, living or dead, is meant or intentional.
Lyrics of " Down on me" from Janis Joplin Album " Big Brother and the Holding Co."

Warnings: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you!!! Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Los Angeles, Ca.
The next morning.
Faith is doing her best to get herself lost. She's been wandering all night, from clubs to bars to all night doughnut shops to Laundromats, trying to stay off the streets, hoping to catch a little sleep here and there. All she knows is she can't go back, not now, not until she's figured things out. She needs to get her head cleared, get her cool back. Try to understand why she's losing control. I don't lose control. This is nuts, pure nuts, she thinks. She's feeling too ashamed, and has too much pride to ask forgiveness. So she needs time to deal with this on her own, figure what she needs to do. She's not trying to duck out, or run away. She's just trying to get herself back together.
What the hell has that... witch... done to me? This isn't me, I don't get crazy... not over someone. I don't... feel this way. I'm too damned smart for this crap...but here I am, acting like an idiot. I hate this! I hate feeling this way! She's worked some kind of mojo on me, and I'm gonna... what, Faith? What're you gonna do? Strangle her? Kill her? Yeah, right, tell me another fairy tale. You could do that almost as easy as you could kill yourself. So stop the tough talk already. She's got you by the short hairs, girl, and you're whipped. Face it, you're totally whipped... No...no, no! I won't buy that. I won't let some ...grrr... I won't let her do this to me. But what ARE you gonna do, Faith? You've got no money, and you can't eat air. You gotta get some money somewhere. Can't go to Angel or Giles... that's totally out. Don't want to steal... don't want to go down that road again. Can't get a job... one check on my background, and I'm looking through bars again. So, what're you gonna do now?
Faith knows what she's has to do. She really doesn't have any choice. But, she's almost thinking stealing might be better. A lot better. but if she starts that, all the time she's spent in prison has been bogus time, a waste. She really doesn't want to go back on another charge, have more years piled up on her. She's run out of options.
Sighing, she stands up and walks to the payphone in the corner. She stands staring at it for the longest time, not wanting to make this call. But she knows she has to. Otherwise, she might as well go back to the scoobies, because she really has no place to go. She picks up the phone, and dials " 0 ".
" Hello, yes. I need to make a collect call to Boston, Massachusetts. The number is 617-555-7893. Yes. My name? Faith DeMarco. I'm calling for Mrs. Margaret Delano, or anyone at that number. Yes, thank you."
Faith listens as the number rings... and rings. Oh, swell... I pick a time when everybody's out...no...someone'll be there. I know that. C'mon, c'mon, just answer the damned phone. Faith taps her hand nervously on the phone...waiting ... finally there's a click and someone answers the phone.
" Hello, this is the Delano residence. Jeffries speaking"
"Hello, this is the operator. I have a collect call from a Ms. Faith DeMarco for a Mrs. Margaret Delano, or anyone at that residence. Do you accept the charges?"
There is a brief pause on the other end of the line, and for a second Faith thinks that the call will be refused. She starts to sweat just a little.
" Yes... we'll take the call"
Faith breathes a sigh of relief.
"Hello, Jeffries" Faith says. There is a marked change in Faith's speaking voice. Gone is the street slang and sometimes inventive English. The accent is definitely northeastern, Boston area. Her pronunciation is precise and correct.
" Hello, Miss Faith. It's been a very long time."
"Yes, it has... hasn't it? How have you been?" Her tone is polite and a little distant.
"I've been well, Miss Faith. And yourself?"
"I've been fine" Faith has a strange expression on her face, " Is my grandmother available?"
" Yes, she's out on the sun porch, finishing breakfast. Do you wish to speak to her?"
" Please, Jeffries."
" It'll be just a moment while I bring the phone to her."
" Very good, Jeffries"
Faith leans against a wall, clutching the phone tightly in her hand. The Grandmother. Mrs. Margaret Faith Hayworth-Delano. A formidable woman, very definitely one of the Boston Brahmin class. Old school, and strict; the quality of mercy is not wasted on her. No one can doubt Faith's courage in battle. She's faced demons, vampires and other nasties bravely, almost with a song in her heart. But facing Mrs. Margaret Delano reduces her to a six year old child about to face punishment. Her stomach is churning, and her heart is beating nearly out of her chest. It's a frightening experience just to be in her presence; asking a favor is mortifying. But she has no choice, and she hates that she has no choice.
" Good morning, Faith. It's been a very long time" the voice on the phone is slightly cold and polite.
" Yes, it has, Grandmother. I hope you've been well" Faith keeps her voice calm. Never show fear, never!
�Indeed? That is most unexpected, I must say, " Mrs. Delano replies," I really believe that isn't how you felt the last time we spoke."
Faith bites her lip. "That was a long time ago, Grandmother."
" Yes, but it was our last conversation. As I recall, you wished I would...how did you put it again? ' Drop dead' ?"
Faith winces.
"That was a long time ago, and I was younger, and rather angry, Grandmother. Can't we put that behind us? I'm really sorry I said that. I didn't mean it". Not much, anyway.
There is a brief pause on the other end of the line.
" Well, I suppose a belated apology is better than none. Apology accepted, Faith".
" Thank you, Grandmother." Fuck you, Grandmother. Faith rolls her eyes.
" You're welcome, Faith. So, how much do you need this time?"
"Grandmother!"
"Faith, please. I've grown older, not foolish. You never call me out of the blue to inquire as to my health. Fact of the matter is, you never call me, unless you need help. Usually money. So lets cut out the nonsense, and get right to it. I'm rather busy this morning. How much do you need?"
Faith looks at the phone receiver in her hand, as if it's a snake.
" That's really very cold, Grandmother."
" Is it Faith? How odd. I have to wonder if it's any colder than you refusing my request to live with me. I've made several attempts to have you live with me, and you've turned me down each and every time. I AM family, Faith. I could provide you with a good home, and a decent education. Instead, you'd rather be a little street urchin, running here and there, getting into this mess and that scrape. So if I'm a little less than patient with you, I believe I have good reason."
Faith balls her fist, holding her patience.
" I suppose you believe you do. But I have to wonder, Grandmother, if it's really me you care about, or if it's that you want to get back at my mother."
"What does your mother have to do with this, Faith?" Margaret's tone grows icier.
"Grandmother, please. I'm young, not foolish" Faith can't help letting an edge in her voice, " You know very well you're still angry at her for going against you all those years ago. Marrying my dad, defying you, all of it. You only want me to live with you so you can turn out a 'perfect society clone' and throw it in her face."
There is a long, long pause on the other end of the line. Faith is sure that any second she'll hear a click, ending the conversation, and any chance she has to ... ask for help. Brilliant, Faith. You're a total moron. Don't you get it? You're not going to win with this woman!
" If that's how you feel, Faith, perhaps you should go to your mother for help"
" You know that's impossible, Grandmother"
" I do?"
" You know very well, Grandmother, that if I were dying of thirst on her doorstep, and she had a 10 gallon bottle of water, she wouldn't even give me a cup."
Faith hears a low, amused chuckle on the other end of the line.
" So, when you're in trouble, you come to me. You expect me to keep bailing you out of the messes you make. And still you're defiant of me, just like your mother was. How very amusing, Faith".
Faith stares at the phone receiver, now wishing it were a snake, and would bite her now, putting her out of this misery. Damn, Faith, you fucked it up again.
" This was a mistake, Grandmother. I see that. I'm sorry I disturbed you, " Faith says, ready to cut her losses and run.
"Wait, Faith... wait"
There is a silence on the line. Faith holds the line, wondering why the hell she's waiting.
" Alright, Faith, I'll help you, " Margaret says, " I'm assuming that you need money?"
" Yes"
" How much do you need?"
Faith hesitates. Might as well go for broke here.
" Two thousand "
Another long silence on the line.
" That's an awful lot of money, Faith"
Time to swallow your pride, Faith.
" I'm sorry, Grandmother. But I'm between jobs, and I've run out of money. I need enough to see me through until I can get a job. I wouldn't ask, you know that. But I've no choice ."
" Very well, Faith. I'll send you the money"
" Thank you, Grandmother"
" But there's a condition"
Aw, crap, I knew it! " Condition?"
" I'll send you the money, but you have to promise that you'll come to Boston to see me. That's the condition. I think I've purchased your time by sending you this amount."
" Grandmother, I promise, I'll pay you back the money. With interest. But..."
" No 'buts' Faith, that�s the condition. If you want the money, you have to come see me in Boston."
"But, I can't come now. There are things I need to take care of...."
" Yes, yes, yes, " Margaret replies, impatiently, " I realize that. But you have to agree to come within the next six months. I don't think that's too onerous a burden for you."
Crap, crap and damn! Why the hell is she doing this? We get along like rabid dogs. What the hell is she pulling here?... does it really matter, Faith? What choice do you have?
" Ok, Grandmother, I agree" Faith says through gritted teeth.
" Good. Now, where are you?"
"Huh?"
"What city, Faith? So I know where to send the money?"
Faith can hear her exasperation over the line.
" Los Angeles, Grandmother"
Faith can almost feel the disapproval on the line.
" Los Angeles? Please, tell me you don't want to be an actress "
Faith can't help grinning at her discomfort. She knows her grandmother equates actresses with prostitutes. She almost wants to say yes, just to get back at her, but restrains herself.
"No, Grandmother, I don't want to be an actress"
" Thank goodness you've a modicum of sense left. Very well, I'll send the funds to the Los Angeles branch of Credit Suisse First Boston bank. It should be there in an hour or two. "
"Thank you again, Grandmother" Faith can already feel the strings and chains being tied to her.
" Just don't forget our bargain, Faith. It's... important"
"I won't Grandmother. I promise".
" See to it!"
Faith pauses, then adds impulsively.
" I love you, Grandmother"
" Click"
Faith looks at the phone. Always the sweetheart, gramms is. She hangs up the phone, not without some conflicting feelings.
She can't help thinking she just sold herself to the devil.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Los Angeles, California
4 days later.
Willow is having a bad day. Which is perfect, because the whole week has been totally crappy for her. It's shaping up to be one of the worst weeks of her life. It's the kind of week that makes you want to walk into the ocean and hope the sharks attack you.
Buffy is mad at her because she won't take off and go to Europe with her.
Kennedy has gone home to Boston. She decided, without consulting Willow, that they 'needed a break, to figure things out'. Swell, we know what THAT means. It's almost the same as " We've gotta talk". Expecting a Dear Jane letter any day now from her.
Xander took off without a word. Not a single word. He left a short note, saying he just can't be here anymore, he has to ' find himself'. Find his purpose in life. Something other than being a "Scooby". Well, great Mr. Poopyhead. We all wanna do something other than be a scooby. But do you have to take off like that? Without even a goodbye? I mean, we've been best friends forever, and it's "Adios" without the wave! ... God, exactly how selfish ARE you, Willow? He's grieving. He lost Anya. Ok, they weren't exactly together, but that doesn't make it any easier for him... but doesn't he know we're grieving with him? That we're here for him? That it's better to grieve with friends? Why'd he have to leave? So gonna miss him! Why couldn�t he at least have said goodbye? Damn, damn, and damn!
Giles seems upset, or at least put off by her, because she isn't in the mood to discuss Council business with him. Since the destruction of the council, and the defeat of the first, the remaining surviving members have elected him chair. And he wants to bring Willow onboard, along with Buffy, if he can swing it. God, Giles, I really got lots of OTHER Things to worry about right now! Sheesh, already!
Angel is acting strange towards her. It's as if he blames her for that ... ok, fight... at the hospital, and for everything that happened afterwards. He's not acting mad, really, more... I don't know...distant? Great, just what I need now. Distant!
But worst of all, Faith is still gone. Still missing. She hasn't been back, or contacted anyone, since that night. Willow is worried to death, because she's afraid Faith might've done something stupid, and gotten herself killed. Or attacked by demons, and gotten herself killed. Or... just ran...because she really didn't want to go back to prison, or... dammit... where IS she? The worst, though, is that Willow blames herself. Guilt much, Willow? Well, you should. If you hadn't fought with her, if you hadn't confronted her, she would've calmed down. She would still be here, and you wouldn't be so damned worried about her. Then, there's that little confession she made to you. How you feeling about that? What, with Kennedy going home, huh? Oh, and FAITH BEING GONE, you dummy...you total, total dummy! Gee, Will, just how many lives can you manage to screw up? How many?
Willow felt like her world was crumbling around her. Last week everything had been good. Ok, not perfect. The First was still around. But everyone had been together, more or less. People weren't just taking off, or turning away, or off doing their own thing. We were like family, sticking together. Facing a really bad thing, but together. Now it's all flying apart, and I'm watching it dissolve. The time we should be together, celebrating our victory, it's going to hell. I don't get it, I just don't get it!
What she did get however was a boat load of guilt. She felt it was all her fault, her doing. She could trace each bit back to herself. My best friends in the world are gone, because I didn't have time for them. Buffy is really pissed, because she wants to share Europe with me... but how could I go? Enjoy it, knowing that out there somewhere Xander's wandering around alone. I know he left because I didn't find time to be with him when he needed me most. I let him down. Kinda let everyone down, didn't I? Everybody's feeling the big Willow let down.

Giles is thinking I don't care about his plans for the council, but I do. Just, right now, I've got more important stuff... life stuff... on my mind. I want to help him, I do. But ... I just can't think about that right now.
All I can think about right now is Kennedy, and Faith. Faith and Kennedy. What've I done? How'd I get in this mess? How can I love them both? It's not right, I can tell you that! They both tug at me in different ways. I feel good when I'm with them. Oh, that's just great, Will. Sure, cheat on them both, why don't you? Cuz, that's what your doing. Is it fair to either of them that you can't let go of the other? What kind mega-slut are you, anyway?
Ok, Will, stop it. You gotta think this out. Now, Kenny...well, she...so sweet to me. She encourages me, she defends me(Sometimes, when I DON'T NEED DEFENDING...Arrgh!). When we're together, she treats me like a queen... no, like a Goddess. And she's no slouch in the loving department, I've got to tell you. That tongue could win awards...Willow sighs at the pleasant memory. She makes no bones about wanting me. Sometimes, to the point of jealousy. Oh yeah, she's got the green-eyed monster, bad.( ummm... considering, can you blame her?). And all too often, she opens her mouth before engaging brain. God, she can be so childish, too.( right. Any more childish than a woman who can't make up her mind?). I'm also thinking she...well, ok, Will, you got no proof, and no right to talk, but I'm thinking she might have a roving eye... I've seen her flirt with some of the other girls( Hmmm...talk about jealousy?).
Now Faith... ok, that's a wholly different story. Man, she can be so damned RUDE! You can never really be sure where you stand with her...unless she hits you with both barrels and tears you to itsy bitsy bits. And nasty? God, how many times have I been hit by that blast of sarcasm of hers? Her temper...well, ok, that's just shy of Mt. Vesuvius on a bad day. Reckless? Oh yeah, you betcha. Thoughtless? Uh-huh. A slob, oh yeah...that room of hers looked like a hurricane hit it. Ok, what did I like about her again? Boy, now that's a tough one. Ok, she'll always tell you the truth...whether you want to hear it, or not. She's loyal... even to someone you'd think she wouldn't be loyal to... like Buffy. And, no matter how much she tries to hide it, she cares. You can see it in what she does. How she treats people when they're down. She was so afraid the girls hated her after that fiasco at the winery, but they love her. Because she takes the time to learn about them. And she'll deny it, but there's a soft side to her... I've seen it. A real vulnerable side... She'll act all tough and heartless, but you can see it in her eyes. And oh god, those eyes. They're so beautiful, so expressive. Never mind the rest of the package(ok, Will, you can come out of the shallow water now).But the big thing? I ... ok, this is totally stupid, and I know it. But I'm thinking she needs love more... no matter what she says or does, I can sense it. How much she wants to love, give everything she's got to it. I can just feel it. But, she's scared, like a child. Afraid of being hurt. Goddess, it just makes you wanna take her and hold her ...
Oh...that helped ever so much... NOT. Great, I'm like no closer to a decision than before. What do I do? Who do I chose? The one who loves me, treats me like a queen, gives me all sorts of happys? Or do I choose the other, who at times makes me wanna scream in frustration. Who drives me mad, but I'm thinking needs me more? I'm kinda thinking, I need her more? Oh, hell, why me? Why can't I just find a nice hole to jump into, somewhere far away and way, way deep? Goddess, this is so hopeless...
Willow is so deep in her thoughts, that when the hand lands on her shoulder, she nearly jumps out of her skin. She looks up into Buffy's questioning eyes, and smiles an embarrassed smile.
" Hey, Will... gee, sorry, didn't mean to wig you" Buffy says, crouching down beside Willow.
"Hey, Buffy... look, I'm sorry about Europe and all..."
" Oh, piffle, Will. I made a big deal out of it, and I shouldn't have. I just thought, you know, hanging out at all the old ruins and stuff, you know, would be great with my best bud." Buffy says. " And of course there's the dancing and partying... how good could Europe really be without my daily dose of Willowosity, huh?"
"Gee, Buffy, just make it easier to say no, why don't you?" Willow half smiles, and then shrugs, " Who knows, way things are going, might take you up on it".
" That would be major cool, Will, " Buffy says, excitedly... then notices Willow doing the thousand yard stare, " But thinking, not so much for you."
" Huh? Oh, sorry... I'm really a drag as company right now."
" 'K, Will, fess up. What's the deal? Why are there storm clouds circling your head?"
" That obvious, huh?" Willow grins sheepishly.
" Naw, never would've known it... if I were blind and deaf and stupid. What's making my Willow so down in the dumps? "
Buffy drapes her arm over Willow's shoulder. She gives Willow her 1000 megawatt grin.
"C'mon, you can tell you're old bud, don't ya think?"
" Buffy, honest, it's really not a big. I'll... figure it out"
Buffy's expression turns serious.
" Hey, look, Will. I know this last year has been kinda rough on all of us... and I'm really thinking, it's been really rough on our friendship. I guess I'm the blame for that one, you know? I mean, ok, I gotta admit, when you came back from England, wasn't really knowing what to expect. And the little disappearing act at the airport... well... that didn't help. I guess I'm saying that ... I was kinda wigged out, Will. "
" Really Buffy? Never would've guessed it" Willow says, an edge of sarcasm in her voice.
" Guess I got that coming, huh? But you gotta admit, Will, that I had at least some reason?"
" Yeah, I guess going dark and veiny and trying to kill you? Not the best way to send that Hallmark greetings of "Hey kinda loving you", right?" Willow grins ruefully.
" I won't say I'm missing Dark, Veiny Willow. But I know you had reasons, good reasons, and were hurting so bad. Feeling bad I couldn't help you through it. But let's just say it, the last two years? Totally sucky... ok, except maybe the coming back to life part... now , anyway. But then, kinda... sucky."
" Yeah... sucky." Willow looks down, " Kinda wishing we could just erase the last two years."
" Me too, Will. Me too."
Buffy pauses, trying to think of the best way to go on.
" See, Will, I'm really missing my best friend. You know her, I used to go to her with everything, and she ... well, I'm hoping she did the same with me... but, with all that's been going on, and everything, ... oh, crap, I miss talking with you, Will. I really do."
Willow bites on her lower lip.
"Me, too, Buffy. It's been... hard. I know things have been weird between us, but there hasn't been a day when I haven't wanted to come and just... talk things over with you. I need that."
" That's one of the reasons I was hoping you'd come to Europe with me. I was hoping if we took some time together, in a non-confrontational-have to kill the bad guys situation, we could find a way to get back to what we had. It was probably a dumb idea, huh?"
"No, it was a sweet and wonderful idea, " Willow impulsively lunges and hugs Buffy, who, not expecting it, falls over. They tumble over into the grass. They giggle like they did back in high school, then Willow sobers up a bit. "Problem is, Buffy, that right now, my head is in such a place that if we went, not so sure it'd work"
"Yeah, I noticed that you were out here, sitting all by yourself, kinda ... well, lost looking. So, again, Will, what's the dire?"
Willow looked at Buffy with those large muddy green eyes of hers, and she hesitates. She's gonna think I'm awful. She's gonna think I'm a slut. Me, floss twice a day Willow...and...she's gonna get that disgusted 'oh my god' look on her face. How can I tell her? it's just... I can't...
" I really screwed up, Buffy"
Buffy has a half bemused, half amused look on her face.
" Well, that cleared it right up"
"I ... oh, god Buffy, what am I gonna do? I... you know I'm with Kennedy"
Buffy gets a sour look on her face.
" Ok, I know, I know, you don't like her. But.. it gets worse..."
" Gee, Will, you're not like...pregnant, are you?" Buffy deadpans.
" Buffy!" Willow exclaims, shocked. She catches Buffy's expression," If you're not going to take this seriously....!"
" Will, chill. Sorry, go on".
" Well, we were happy... me and Kennedy... I thought so, at least. But then I went to L.A. to help Angel... and saw Faith there... and I thought... 'Well, I can bring her back. She can help Buffy with the potentials... maybe take some of the stress off..."
" Yeah... we know how THAT went" Buffy says, sardonically.
" Ok, ok... there were some little problems. " Buffy gives Willow a look. " Ok, big problems... but it worked out in the end, right?"
" Yeah, it did. And, Will? You did a good thing...ok? I mean... about Faith. It ... allowed us to ... well, ok not saying were bosom buddies here, but at least, I think we kinda... found a way to be at peace with each other."
Willow smiles.
" See, that's good!" But then she frowns, " but I did a bad thing too, Buffy! I never should've brought her to Sunnydale. Big mistake. Big, big mistake. I mean, ok, good she helped with the First and killing the big bad, good you and she bonded, or whatever. But bad, bad... Willow bad."
" What are you babbling about, Willow?" Buffy laughs.
"Buffy, I'm so screwed! I didn't mean for it to happen, I mean... I'm not even SURE anything happened...ok, lie, something happened... but I mean, I don't know if it meant anything... well, ok... maybe I do know... but... what if it's all only my own imagination? Sure, she said some things, but maybe I was just wanting to hear them? What if I never see her again, or ... I do see her, but she... doesn't want me? Oh, god, what if she does want me? I mean, it's all confusing enough...."
" No kidding? Will... Willow! Will. Stop!" Buffy says, trying to get Willow's attention.
Willow looks at her, plainly confused and miserable.
" Will, just say it... don't try to explain... just say it!"
" God, Buffy do you think it's easy? I mean... oh, hell, I think I'm...."
" In love with Faith?" Buffy finishes, cutting her off.
" Huh?" Willow's eyes go wide. " How'd you know?"
" Willow, I love you. You know that. But, you can't keep a secret. You can't hide your feelings. Maybe that's what I love about you most." Buffy gives Willow's face the once over, " and by your expression, I guessing that it's really hard for you, cuz you still have feelings for Kennedy.�
Willow looks at Buffy as if she dropped in from another dimension.
" Ok, who are you? What did you do with Buffy?"
Buffy chuckles.
"Ok, Will. I know, I'm major guilty with the self-involvement thing. But honest, I do see, Will, especially when it's my best friend. Xander's not the only one who sees things."
" Xander... oh god. I can't really give you heck about being self involved , Buffy. Look at me. I should've found the time to be there for him, Buffy. He's gone... who knows where... all alone. What if he does something crazy? I should've ... I should've helped more... I'm a bad, bad friend!"
" God, Will, please! Stop it ! Would you stop taking the weight of the world on your shoulders? That's MY job... or was , anyway"
They both laugh over that.
"Will, Xander... nothing you could've said, or anyone could've said... could've made a difference. He made a choice... he had to get away from it. I know that. That's sort of the reason I sent him away with Dawn... hoping he'd be out of this one...I knew it was going to be rough. I was hoping he would take Anya with him, but he's... I love Xander, too... but he's not always the brightest star in the sky. I really wanted them all out of it... but ... well, Dawn kinda screwed that up nicely."
" Thing is, Will, he's tired of it, " Buffy continues, " He just... can't do it anymore. Believe me, I know the feeling. He has to walk away, he has to find something of a new life for himself. The pain of losing Anya... he never stopped loving her... just too much for him. He has to do this, for himself, Will. And we have to let him go. We have to."
" I miss him, Buffy"
" Me too, Will. Me too. Maybe someday he can heal enough to ... well, try to be part of our lives again. I hope so. But, whatever it is , we just gotta accept it."
They're both quiet for a moment. Willow is still a bit shocked by percepto-Buffy. She loves Buffy, loves her deeply. But sensitivity and awareness of others has never been her strongest suits. So what changed?
"What am I gonna do , Buffy?"
"What do you mean, Will?"
"Faith...and Kennedy. What'm I gonna do? I... oh, crap, I'm in so much trouble here. I love them both. How do I choose? How can I choose? What do I do?"
" You're asking ME. Will? Remember me? The girl who scares them all away? I really don't think I'm qualified to be giving relationship advice here, or anywhere."
" Not so much with the helping there, Buffy."
" God, Willow, look at my record! Geeze, what do you expect me to say? I don't know... what does your heart tell you?"
" I don't know," Willow whines, miserably. Buffy comes over and takes her hand, looking into her eyes.
" Then that's what you got to do... figure out who you really want."
"Been there, done that, didn't work."
" Ok, repeating myself here, so not an expert. But I'm thinking until you make a choice, Willow... you're just going to go around and around on this merry-go- round."
"Well, kinda maybe not having to. Kennedy went home, said we needed ' apart time'. Thinking, it's code for 'dumping you'."
" That's not the same thing, Willow, and you know it. You've gotta choose who you want, and fight for that one, and let the other one go."
Willow gives Buffy a sidelong glance.
" Hey, you asked, Will. I told you, not Dr. Laura here."
They're quiet for awhile, each thinking their own thoughts.
" Look, Buffy, I need a favor."
" Sure Will, anything. What can I do?"
" I... I can't just sit here anymore. Not knowing where Faith is, if she's alright, all of it." Seeing Buffy's look, she goes on, " I know, I know what you're going to say. "She'll be found when she wants to be found' ... but, I'm going crazy, just sitting here..."
" Look, Will, I've got to tell you something."
"What?"
" Well, when Faith didn't come back that first night, Angel .. and I guess, me too, we got worried, anyway. We've been kind of looking for her..."
" And you didn't think I wanted to know this because...?"
" Well, you haven't exactly been easy to approach these last few days, Will...."
" Me? I'm Ms. Easy" Willow grimaces, " ok, that didn't come out like I wanted to, but you know what I mean."
" Ummm... Will? I hate to tell you, but not lately. Maybe you're not realizing it, but you've been kinda ... moody?"
" I so have not!"
" You nearly tore poor Giles' head off when he wanted to talk about the council with you. And, that look you gave me when I asked about you going with me to Europe? Kinda scary, Will. Dawn's staying out of your way, hoping you won't really turn her into a lizard like you said you would..."
" That was a joke!" Willow protests.
" She's not laughing Will. Anyway, we've been kind of not coming around because... well, we didn't have anything to tell you about Faith. Angel's even feeling cautious around you... "
" Oh" Willow thinks back on the last couple of days... " I've been a biotch, huh?"
"Sort of " Buffy grins apologetically.
" So, maybe my idea of going looking for her, since Angel is already doing it's kind of stupid?"
"No, actually thinking it might be a good idea. It'll get you out of here, give you... us... something to do... calm things down."
" I can do some scrying, see if I can get a location on her...." Willow notices Buffy is looking over her shoulder.
" Or, maybe you could turn around...." Buffy says, a small grin on her face.
Willow turns around, and looks where Buffy's looking... and sees a figure standing about 20 yards away, alone and looking apologetic and somewhat lost. Faith stays there, looking towards Willow, but not directly at her. Willow's first impulse is to leap up, run the distance, and hug her til she can't breathe. For the first time in four days, her breathing doesn't hurt, her heart doesn't feel like a steel band is around it. She's alive, she's ok! But then her temper flares up . What the hell does she think she's doing? Doing this to us... to me? I bet it's just a big joke to her! Willow feels the blood rushing to her face. She turns back to Buffy, her face a rather deep shade of red.
"Will?" Buffy notes Willow's face, and the fact she's sitting there, not moving.
" Does she think she can just go disappearing four days, then just waltz back in here like nothing happened? Never mind we've been worried sick about her. Guess that was wasted though, wasn't it?"
" Willow, don't you think you should..."
" I don't, Buffy. I don't think I want squat to do with her!" Willow jumps up, and hurries off in the opposite direction from Faith, towards the house they're staying at.
Buffy watches her go, sighing a little. Sometimes, I just can't figure her. A couple of minutes ago, I'm pretty sure if I'd said 'You gotta jump off a bridge to save Faith', she would've jumped happily. Now Faith is here, well... and she runs away, upset and ready to kill. Buffy grins a little to herself. Looks like love to me...
" So, you gonna sit there grinning, or say Hi, B?"
" Hi, B?" Buffy says, brow arched
"Funny. So, how are you, B?"
" Dunno, bemused, maybe a little pissed at you for worrying us all like you did... you know, usual. You?"
" Oh, wandering around, trying to figure out what I was gonna do... kinda not wanting to jump right back into prison."
"So, you're going to go back, then?"
"Well, kind of have to, B. Can't do the run from place to place, living in crappy little motels forever, you know. Gets old."
Buffy gives Faith a look.
"What?" Faith asks, a little thrown.
" Sure doesn't sound like the old Faith. The one who's here and then gone when she wants to be... live for the now, that Faith."
" Yeah, well... things change, Buffy." Faith changes the subject, " So, how'd you get Red so pissed off? She lit outta here like her butt was on fire."
"Well, actually, I didn't get her pissed, Faith." Buffy says, giving Faith a pointed look.
Faith gets a rueful little grin.
" Yeah, 'fraid you were gonna say that."
"Well, can you blame her? She looked for you a long time that night you ran away, Faith. She came back, discouraged and worried... and you've been gone four days, not a word."
Faith looks at Buffy, trying to read her face. She's covering her own surprise. She didn't tell them? About the... bar?
Buffy misreads the look, as if Faith doesn't get it.
" C'mon, Faith. Don't you get it? She sorta... well, she cares about you..."
" Yeah... I... kinda stupid of me running off like that... I just... was wigged... couldn't deal with things."
"Faith? Ms. Nothing-gets-to-me-Faith? Wigged? That's a first!"
Faith has a small smirk on her face.
"Well, thank you Ms. Sarcasm. I think you're liking this way too much" She looks towards the house, " I think I should go try to ... I dunno... smooth it over with Red."
"Faith... go easy with her"
" What're you talking about, B? I'm not gonna be all storm-troopy or nothing... just going to talk to her."
" I'm just saying... the last 4 days have been kind of hard on her... she's kinda in a fragile place."
"What do you mean, B?" Faith asks, brow furrowed.
" Just... Well, Xander left...."
" Xander? Left?"
" Good hearing, Faith, yeah, he left... without much more than a note..."
"Geeze... is she taking it ok? I mean, I know they were close."
"Actually, no. She's feeling a lot of guilt, feeling she wasn't there for him. It hit her kinda hard and deep."
Faith gets a worried look on her face.
" Then there's Kennedy".
" What about Ken-doll?"
" She left couple of days ago. For Boston. Back to her family. Said she and Will needed a break. Think things out. Figure where their relationship was going. That rather upset her."
" Oh, man" Faith says, sounding upset herself.
" Yeah... then there's you, being Milk Carton Girl. It's been rough for her... so how about trying NOT to upset her."
" B... honest, I ... damn" Faith looks towards the house, "maybe best I just let her alone... "
" Oh, yeah, that'd be great. She's been worrying like nuts about you, and you're just going to turn your back on her now?" Buffy's tone starts to rise.
" Hey, B, chill. I didn't... I just was thinking it would be better if I didn't bother her... she's got enough on her plate... maybe I should just go ..."
" Or, here's a radical concept. Maybe you could think about someone BESIDES yourself for once, and be there for her...when she really needs it... like now?"
" You're a good one to talk, B," Faith says, striking back, " how 'bout when she was hurting so bad after Tara... when she came back from England. She told me. You weren't exactly support-o girl."
" You weren't there, Faith. There was a lot going on..."
"Too much to take 5 or 10 minutes to maybe help her over the bad stuff? Talk about not being there for her. She was hurting pretty bad... scared to death she was going to lose it. Who could she turn to? Not her best friend, evidently!"
" You were sitting on your butt in Prison, Faith. How could you have a concept of what was going on?"
" I know that when my friends are hurting, they're a priority."
" Trying to keep everybody alive was a priority, Faith!"
"Seems I heard The First, and the Potentials, didn't show up 'til after the New Year, Buffy. What about those 3 months before?"
" The first started in before the Potentials arrived, Faith. She was influencing Spike, getting him to kill again..."
"Yeah, there's another brilliant thing. Spike. Living in the house with all those girls... no chip... and affected by the First. Whose idea was that one?" Faith asks, giving Buffy a pointed look.
" Ok, Ok, I made lots of mistakes, I was a terrible leader, and I screwed up, ok? I should've done more, done it better, but I didn't ... I was ... "
"B, stop! I know... you were under a lot of pressure. That's why Red had me come with. " Faith pauses. " Look, I've never been real good at being support-o girl. Maybe you should do it? You're better at that kinda stuff..."
"That won't work, Faith. It's not me she...." Buffy stops, realizing Willow probably doesn't want this publicized.
" What?" Faith asks, puzzled.
"Never mind. I just can't do it... you've gotta do it".
" I'm gonna fuck this up, you know" Faith states simply.
" No you won't... just try to listen to her. That's what she needs right now."
Faith starts walking towards the house. She stops, and turns back to Buffy.
" I'm gonna fuck this up." She turns and walks away.
Buffy watches her, her expression unreadable.
She hopes Faith is wrong.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Faith walked into the house, wondering exactly what she was going to say to Willow. She's been dreading this moment... well, for the last four days. She doesn't know what to say... she doesn't know what she's feeling... or what Willow is feeling. Right now, she's not even sure where she is...
Then all doubt as to where she is vanishes, because music loud enough to shake the walls comes slamming down from upstairs... along with a number of the 'new' slayers, hands over ears.
Down on me, down on me,

Looks like everybody in this whole round world

They�re down on me.

Love in this world is so hard to find

When you�ve got yours and I got mine.

That�s why it looks like everybody in this whole round world

They�re down on me.
" God, do you think she even knows what the volume control is ?" One of the girls is saying as they walk down the stairs. Then she notices Faith standing there, and stops dead in her tracks. The girls following her, not aware in time, run into her.
"Well... look what the cat dragged in" Rona, always the sweetheart, says from the back of the pack.
" Uh-huh, and look what the cat chewed and spit out, " Faith retorts, smirking.
Everybody freezes for a moment... then the tension breaks, and the girls clamber downstairs surrounding Faith, peppering her with comments and questions. Each in turn hugs Faith, even Rona, who hardly likes anyone... especially if they were slayers over a week ago.
"Where've you been?"

"How are you?"

"Where'd you go?"

" How long you been back?"

"Are you staying?"
" Later, later, we'll all have a weenie roast and do the bonding thing, ok? Right now" Faith looks upstairs, " I've got other things I've gotta take care of."
Another blast of music comes from an upstairs bedroom
Saying they're down on me, down on me.

Looks like everybody in this whole round world

Down on me.

When you see a hand that's held out toward you,

Give it some love, some day it may be you.

That's why it looks like everybody in this whole round world

They're down on me, yeah.
" You think maybe you could find the volume and turn that down?" Rona looks back upstairs, " Better, break the damned thing?"
" She's been doing that for four days straight... ever since you left... GOD, I think I wanna kill her...no... ok, just the music..." One of the other girls chimes in.
" It's no wonder Kenny left...with that going on..." A third says. She wilts when she sees Faith's expression.
" Hey... not funny, ok? She's had some bad stuff... you know? Give her a break!"
Lord, they're down on me, down on me, oh!

Looks like everybody in this whole round world

Is down on me.

Believe in your brother, have faith in man,

Help each other, honey, if you can

Because it looks like everybody in this whole round world

Is down on me.

I'm saying down on me, oh, down on me, oh!

It looks like everybody in this whole round world

Down on me!!
" Ok, ok, just...please, talk to her about it. It's really hard to think with that going so loud day and night!"
The girls, still grimacing and holding their hands over their ears, exit through the front door.
Faith starts up the stairs, her face reflecting her distress. She hadn't any idea how much Willow had been going through. Feeling just a little guilty, Faith girl? Really hating it that Buffy may be right(damn if I ever tell her that), but maybe I should've been thinking about Red... well, besides all the thinking I've been doing the last 4 days. I just don't get all this stuff. I figured I pretty well scared her off after that little scene in the bar... figured she just would blow me off. That's what I wanted her to do. Things were just getting too hinky. She thinks she knows me... knows all about me! Dammit, she doesn't ... but sometimes she gets it way too close...
Faith finds herself staring at the door, where the music temporarily has stopped. Outside her head it's quiet, inside it's noisy as Grand central station at rush hours. God, or whoever is looking down here laughing at me, don't let me fuck this up! She knocks on the door softly. For a long beat, there's no response. Then a voice sounding angry and sad calls out.
" Go 'way, don't wanna talk!"
"C'mon, Red, open up. Let me in, please!"
" Oh yeah, like you let me in, huh? Yeah, you're so good at that ... opening up and letting someone in...yeah"
" Red... Willow, please, I know I deserve that. But... I really want to try. I'm sorry, I really am."
The door flies open, and there is a very flushed Willow staring at Faith. Her mouth is turned down into an angry frown, and her eyes are wet with tears.
" You think that fixes it? You're sorry? God, don't you get it? What you did goes beyond just hurting me. You embarrassed me, made me look like an idiot." Willow turns away, retreating into her room but leaving the door open," but that wasn't the worst of it. You pulled a knife on me! Do you really think I liked that? And oh, having a shotgun pointed at me? Gee, I really get all warm and fuzzy about that one!" Her voice drops until it's nearly a whisper, " And I could've forgiven even that. But you went and shut me out, again. All I wanted to do was help, and you pushed me away. I get the hint, Faith, I really do. You don't want anyone to get close. So, I won't try anymore... ok? Let's just call it a bad job, and forget it... and you go away."
" Is that what you want, Red? Me to go away? I'll go if you say so."
" Yes, go!" No, STAY!!!!
" Ok, Red... I'm going. Got it," Faith turns and starts out. She stops and turns, " Oh, sorry... got this for you... cuz I knew you liked it... but... I'll just leave it here." Faith drops the bag on the dresser and walks out the door.
Willow makes an angry, frustrated noise and runs after Faith, blocking her way.
" What the hell?" Faith pulls up short to keep from knocking Willow over
" Are you really that stupid, Faith? Do I gotta draw you pictures?" Willow leans in close on Faith, nearly nose to nose, " You think I've been all worried and miserable about you for the last 4 days, and when you come traipsing back like it's nothing, I'm just gonna fall in your arms?" She backs away." Geeze, you really amaze me, Faith. Who do you think you are anyway? Some kinda goddess, you don't have to do a little groveling? I wish I could figure you out!!!! One minute, you're sweet as honey, as warm as a blanket, you make me feel like... goddess, I don't know but it's wonderful. The next you're acting like poison, making me feel sick and crazy. I don't get you, Faith. Be straight with me, once. How do you feel about me?"
Faith stands there feeling like she's trapped in the eye of a hurricane. This woman, this storm, this force of nature surrounds her like wild winds and cool sweet breezes. She literally makes Faith shake, makes Faith wonder who the hell she is, what she knows, because everything goes wonky when she gets close to her. It goes wonky when she's far from her. Her cool is blown, she's utterly stripped in front of her. And she can't even understand it herself, yet this woman... this witch, is asking her to explain it.
" I don't know, I just... don't understand it, any of it. I wish I could understand it... all I know is when I ... when you ...oh crap, why're you asking this? I feel all mixed up and crazy inside... that what you wanna hear? You make me nuts! And you make me feel good, and ... I don't wanna hide around you, but I do...does that make sense? It's like you look right inside me and know me... and that gives me a major wig... and when I see you cry it breaks my heart, and I don't know why... why I even care, but I do...and I didn't just let you walk home that night...I followed, cuz I didn't want nothing bad to happen to you... cuz if that happened, I'd go crazy. Now you're asking me this crap, and I'm sitting here, feeling naked. Because I know you know but you act like you don't know... is this some kinda witchy mojo you're doing on me?"
" No, Faith, no mojo" Willow's face has softened, her voice has softened... everything about her has softened. " not about this, never."
"What's happening to me?" Faith struggles against the warm fog surrounding her, touching her in ways she doesn't know, doesn't understand," I hate this, not knowing. It's making me crazy. I can't think straight, I can't see straight, nothing makes sense. And you! You're always there, you're eyes looking at me, looking inside making me want to hide" Faith traps Willow against the wall, " don't tell me It's not magic, Red. I don't buy that... why're you doing this to me?" Faith is nose to nose with Willow, staring into her eyes.
" Not doing it, honestly, Faith... honest" Willow whispers, her lips nearly touching Faith's. She can feel Faith's breath tickling her lips.
" Don't LIE TO ME!!! GODDAMN YOU!!!" Faith nearly screams at her. Her tone turns desperate, " don't do this to me, Red, please... " Then her will, any little bit of her control leaves her and her lips press against Willows. It's a hungry kiss, needy, full of pent up emotion. Willow's eyes go wide in surprise...then the lids lower as the passion takes her. Her hands run through Faith's hair, grabbing the locks in her fingers, pulling Faith closer...
"No... gotta stop" Willow pants, between kisses... but kissing Faith again.
" What? Stop?" Faith responds, also panting, grabbing Willow and pulling her closer... kissing her again.
" Stop... not settled...nothing's settled" Willow says, but not stopping
They kiss again, then heat rising. Willow practically climbs up on Faith's hips, wrapping her legs around her waist. Faith slides her hands under Willow's top, running her nails down her back as the kiss gets more fierce, more passionate.
" This is wrong, all wrong," Willow starts to grind against Faith, " We gotta stop... we gotta talk... oh shit, just ... "
All talking ceases as they stumble into Willow's bedroom, Faith kicking the door closed with her boot. Somehow they make it to the bed, and Faith lays Willow down on the bed. Faith is looking down on the woman, seeing her own desire reflected in Willow. Beyond the lust, the pure desire, she sees a sweet innocence, a softness that begs her to love her, not hurt her, to hold her and want her and need her. Willow reaches up to Faith, almost a supplication. Faith falls into her arms on the bed.
Time seems to slow for both of them. Unlike the last time they came together, this time is marked by a gentleness, a tenderness. For a long time they just kiss, and then hold each other, then look into each other's eyes. They giggle, and slowly undress each other, throwing the clothing away to land where it will. When they become naked, they just look at each other, as if trying to memorize every tiny bit of the other. The touches are gentle, soft... almost tentative. They move together, wrapping each other up in their arms and legs, wanting each bit of their skin to be touched by the other's. Their bodies move together in a gentle rhythm, their moans are soft, their cries are low and deep. They kiss and caress, touching and exploring each other's bodies. They move and shift their attentions, Faith and Willow both trying to find new ways to please each other. Their lovemaking lasts for hours, neither in a hurry, the fires burning deep and low, and building gradually until each brings the other to sweet madness. To them, at this time, it's more about giving and sharing, not taking. Every touch, every little kiss, makes their skin sing. Tender little bites, loving licks and gently probing fingers push them this way and that, but always higher, higher. When both are finally exhausted, many hours later, they lay holding each other, sharing another soft kiss. They know they both are lost and found. They both know it's more than lust, more than desire. They know it's love.
Sleepy, so tired, they still fight sleep. They kiss and caress, never wanting this moment to pass. But in the end sleep wins, and they fall into its seductive embrace.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Willow wakes a few hours later, feeling fuzzy and goofy and wonderful. She looks over at her sleeping lover, and her heart begins to pound in her chest. Bad, bad this is bad... and I love being bad... She watches Faith sleep, and her heart just melts. She's got it bad, really bad... worse than she ever imagined. She's utterly hooked. No one has made her feel like this before... even Tara, who she adored... still adores... never made her feel this way. It's as if a part of herself has been lost all her life. As if she's finally found it, and never even knew it existed.
As quietly as she can, she extricates herself from Faith's arms. Her bladder is screaming at her an urgent need to pee, and she can't hold it any longer. She quietly makes her way across the room, and notices the bag sitting on the dresser...She said it was a gift for me... but Willow doesn't pause long, because urgent is nearing catastrophe. She runs out of the room.
When she returns, she pauses again at the dresser... I shouldn't look. I should wait til she's awake. She starts for the bed, and stops. Curiosity is killing her, and she has to look. Just a peek. I'll pretend later it's the first time I've seen it. God, Willow, lying already huh? She walks back to the dresser and hesitates. I shouldn't. I should wait! She turns and again makes for the bed...and Faith's arms. She gets almost all the way, and stops. I gotta KNOW! She turns back and picks up the bag. This is silly. She bought it for me. She wants me to have it. Just look. She opens the bag and looks inside.
Unknown to Willow, Faith is awake, watching her do her little drama through her eyelashes. A tiny smile brushes across her lips as she sees Willow finally give into temptation. It's been great fun, but she wants to see Red's reaction.
Willow looks puzzled. She pulls an old vinyl LP out of the bag. Well, this is weird. I don't have a turntable. She turns it over and sees it's a copy of Janis Joplin's " Kozmic Blues" Album. Then she gets excited... because it's a SIGNED Album... and ... she looks closely... it's hand signed! Where'd she get this? Oh my god!... she almost jumps out of her skin when she hears a voice behind her.
"So, Red... like it?"
" Geeze FAITH!" Willow squeals, turning around, " You trying to give me a heart attack?" but she's grinning from ear to ear, " I love it Faith!"
"When I was... ummm... wandering around, I found this hokey little record shop called... " The Old Record Shoppe". God, talk about corn ball, but I went in and looked around. All vinyl albums, so I'm figuring ok, I'm outta place here. Then I thought about how you liked that caterwauling sound, so I talked to the owner, some old geezer... and he went in back and brought this out. I shrugged, I mean, it meant nothing to me, but I bought it cuz I ... well, I thought you might like it."
" I love it!" Willow exudes, then her brow goes dark, " how'd you afford it?"
�I ...well, I wasn't as broke as I made out, ok?" Faith says, blushing a little.
" You didn't..." Willow gives Faith a look.
" NO! God, Red, I didn't steal it...geeze..." Faith frowns.
" I'm sorry. I love it!" Willow says, smiling. Then she puts it down, and walks back to the bed. She slips under the sheets, and puts her arms around Faith. She gives her a long, long kiss. " I love you lots and lots more" She whispers, softly.
Faith looks at Willow, and sees this woman looking at her with shining eyes, and she caves into her feelings.
" I love you too, Willow" Faith says, softly. Almost afraid to say it out loud. She could deny it before, when it was only in her heart, in her mind. She could just tell herself it was lust. But now it's out there, and it's real.
Willow snuggles close to her, laying her head on Faith's breast. Faith holds her close, stroking her hair. Willow sighs happily, closing her eyes and just enjoying the glow.
Faith sits, wide eyed, worried look on her face. This is new territory for her, something she's deep down wanted, but never thought would happen. She's in love, and it....
It's scary.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
To be continued.
- 7
- 8
- 9
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Independence

Independence

By Norwalker