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After the End Has Come and Gone	By : addielogan Category: AtS/BtVS Crossovers > Het - Male/Female > Buffy/Spike(William) > Buffy/Spike(William) Views: 4670 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-1
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 8-8
- 9-9
- 10-10
- 11-Epilogue
- 7
- 8
- 9
Giles sat across from William,
fidgeting uncomfortably. "So you think you know what did this to me?"
William asked after a moment, breaking the uneasy silence.
"Yes," Giles said,
predictably taking off his glasses and giving them a vigorous rubbing.
"From the descriptions you and Buffy gave of both the demons and the
ritual, I believe they were Vrognash demons."
"Never heard
of 'em."
"Well, they're rare in this
dimension. I'm not entirely sure why they were even here, other than that it
appears that they were trying to establish some sort of community for themselves in Texas. They could've been refugees from
their dimension, or the first wave of an apocalyptic attack. I have no idea, or
any way of knowing."
"Can't we just go back there
and beat it out of them?" William asked.
The glasses came off again.
"I'm afraid not. The Council dispatched a small group of Slayers to survey
the area shortly after you and Buffy arrived. They found nothing, no trace a
town had ever even been there."
William slumped in his chair.
"I guess that means there's no chance of them turning me back then."
Giles had almost replaced his
glasses, but resumed his cleaning at William's statement. "Spike, even if
they were still there, I believe returning you to the state you were before the
ritual would be impossible. From what I have read, the Vrognash
gain power by essentially draining it from other demons. In your case, they
drained that power from the demon that resided in your body and made you a
vampire. Presumably, that should've killed you, since without the demon, your body would've essentially been, well, a corpse.
I can only assume that when Buffy ended the ritual prematurely, there was just
enough demon left in you to keep you alive, yet not
enough to allow you to remain a vampire."
"How human am I, Rupert? I
know you ran a few tests when I first got here."
"From what I can tell, you are
very much human, aside from the enhanced strength and senses. I have no reason
to believe that you will be unable to live a normal, human life from here on
out. Or, um, as normal as one can live under the
circumstances."
"So there's no chance of me
becoming what I was?"
"No."
"Bloody wonderful,"
William muttered under his breath. He stood up. "Been great chatting with
you, Rupes, but I think I need to be on my own for a
bit."
"Of course. Although I did want to ask you what your
intentions are. Do you plan to stay here or�"
"Don't worry. I'll be out of
your hair soon enough. You don't have to worry about me reassigning myself the
position of Buffy's personal stalker or some such."
Giles chuckled slightly, but
William could tell it was forced. "Good to hear. That
you don't plan to stalk Buffy of course. As for you leaving, you're
welcome�"
"Save it. I know what your
feelings concerning me are. You don't have to claim otherwise."
"Spike, our past
notwithstanding, you have done a lot of good over the
years, and�"
"Yeah, good. Look, I'm not in the mood for a chat. I'll
see you around."
William hurried out of Giles's
office and back to his own quarters. In the back of his mind he'd been holding
on to the small hope that the demons in Texas�the Vrognosh�could somehow change him
back to the way he'd been. But they were gone, along with his only chance at
being restored.
No...not your only chance� A voice in the back of
his mind reminded William that there were other ways of becoming what he had
been. He could�
"No," William said aloud.
"I won't do that. I won't become that
again."
William glanced wildly around the
room. He could see his shards of his reflection in the shattered mirror, his
own terror echoed back through the image. He hurried out of the room, hoping
maybe some fresh air could help calm him. If he could feel the sunlight on him,
then maybe it could remind him there were things worth living for�
Buffy came down
the hall, almost running directly into William. She froze, staring up at him. They hadn't
had a chance to talk since she'd left his room that night, and now she didn't
know what to say.
William looked down at her, his
eyes pleading. "Buffy�"
Buffy felt a sudden wave of fear.
She couldn't let her defenses down with him again. She had too much relying on
her to be anything but strong. "William, I have a training session I'm
supposed to be in in five minutes."
"Buffy, please," William
said softly. "I just need you to�"
"To
what?" Buffy
snapped. "I can't do anything for you, can't give you anything. Whatever
we had, it's over, okay? The other night was a mistake. We need to just go on
with our lives." She looked up at him and repeated the words she'd said to
him years ago. "You have to move on."
William blinked. Buffy expected him
to yell at her, or at the very least make some sort of
sarcastic comment. But he didn't. He just nodded. "I understand."
His lack of response affected Buffy
more than she ever realized it would. "O�okay then. I'll, um, see
you."
William gave a terse nod and kept
walking. He wasn't sure what he'd expected from Buffy. But he knew now. She
never would love him. If he stayed as he was now, he'd simply rot away like any
human, die cold and alone. He couldn't do that, couldn't face that emptiness.
"Where are you going?"
William froze, turning around
slowly. Dawn. She was the one person he didn't want to face right now. "Out."
"Alone?"
"Yeah."
"Can I come with you? I wanted
to talk to you."
"No!" William's sharp
tone made Dawn step back a little, and he immediately regretted it.
"Sorry, nibblet, it's just�where I'm going I need to be alone."
Dawn frowned. "Where are you
going?"
"I can't say."
"You're not�you're not coming
back are you?"
"Probably
not."
Dawn fought back tears. Even before
Spike had his soul, Dawn had seen him as her protector, her Champion. Seeing
him like this, empty and broken, made her hurt. "William, let me help
you."
"No. You�you can't. Only she
can�"
"Who? Buffy?"
"No. Not Buffy. Only�" He
stopped. "I have to go."
"Only who? Who are you�"
Dawn stopped, her eyes growing wide as realization hit her. "You mean� William, no. Don't do it. I know this has been hard for you,
but please. Please, don't do this." Dawn felt began to cry.
"I have to!" William
replied. "You�you don't understand. This is too hard. I can't take it
anymore. Buffy�Buffy she hates me."
"Buffy does not hate you.
She's just�confused."
"I'm all alone like this,
bit," William said, his voice sounding rough as if he was about to cry as
well.
"No, you're not. You�you have
me�"
William regarded her sadly for a
moment. "You have your life to live, Dawn." He pointed to the diamond
ring she now wore on her left hand. "Looks like you have another man in
your life now."
Dawn shook her head, her tears
making it hard for her to talk. "Please, William, don't do this. It's just
all new. Give it time."
"I'm sorry," William
replied. "I'm just not strong enough. Not anymore." He kissed the top
of her head.
"No�" Dawn whispered,
watching as he walked away. Dawn stood there for a moment before running up to
the training room, bursting in. "Buffy!"
Buffy stopped in the middle of the
instruction she was giving one of the newest Slayers. "Dawn, what are you
doing? I'm working�"
"Buffy, it's important. It's
William."
"What about him?"
"I think he's going to try to
find Drusilla, have her sire him again."
Buffy paled. "Are you sure?
Did he say�"
"He didn't say it exactly, but
I could tell. Buffy, he looked�desperate."
Buffy turned to the woman beside
her. "Kennedy, I need you to take over the class."
"Yeah, of course,"
Kennedy replied before focusing on the class, getting them to snap back to
attention after the distraction.
Buffy left the room with Dawn.
"What happened?"
"I saw him leaving. He was
really upset, and he said something about 'her' being the only one who could
help him now. I asked if he meant you, and he said no. The only person left,
especially in his current state would be�"
"Drusilla," Buffy
finished.
"Buffy, if he lets her make
him a vampire again, he'll be just like he was before�no soul."
"I know," Buffy replied.
She remembered how she'd treated him in the hallway and felt cold inside. He'd
needed her then, and she'd only thought of herself. But hadn't that always been
the way it was with them? Buffy felt sick, all the times she'd mistreated Spike
suddenly rushing into her mind with blinding clarity. She had to find him, had
to make things right. "Do you know where he was going?"
"No. He just�left."
"I'll�I'll find Willow, have
her do a locator spell and try to pinpoint him. Drusilla could be anywhere.
It'll take him a while to find her�if ever."
Dawn nodded. "Find him, Buffy.
And when you do, don't hurt him again. You've put him through enough."
Buffy jumped a little at the
menacing tone in her sister's voice. "I know. I'll�I'll make it up to
him."
"I don't know if you
can," Dawn replied. "Some damage isn't possible to repair."
Buffy looked down, not wanting Dawn
to see the shame in her eyes. "I know."
"Go find him now," Dawn
said. "If he goes through with what he's planning, I'll never forgive
you."
Buffy didn't respond as she went to
find Willow. She didn't need to. She'd never forgive herself either.

***
*** ***
William lay on a hotel bed, staring
up at the ceiling. He hadn't wanted to stop�definitely hadn't wanted to stay in
a hotel�but he had to. His human body got worn out too easily. He needed rest.
As tired as he was, he still
couldn't sleep. Part of him was questioning the plans he'd made. He was taking
the coward's way out, giving up before he even tried. But he didn't care. He'd
told Buffy once that he'd come to redefine pain and suffering since he'd fallen
in love with her, and that had never felt more true to him that it did right
then. Ever since the chip, he'd changed, slowly becoming the pathetic shell he
was now. If he could just go back, be what he was before he ever came to
Sunnydale, then maybe it could all stop hurting�
William sat up abruptly when he
heard a knock at his door. It was late, and he doubted it could be anything
good, but he didn't care. Maybe whoever it was would just shoot him and end his
torment. William blinked when he saw Buffy standing there.
"Can I come in?" Buffy
asked.
William gave her a half smile.
"Isn't that my line? Or it used to be at least� Yeah, come in."
Buffy stepped into the hotel room,
and William shut and locked the door behind her. "I talked to Dawn,"
Buffy said.
"So what, you've come to try
to talk me out of it to clear your conscience?"
"No. I've come to talk you out
of it because I don't want you to do it."
"It's not your decision to
make, Slayer."
"Don't you realize what you're
doing? If Drusilla sires you again, you'll loose your soul. You worked so hard
to get it�"
"Yeah, and a bloody lot of
good it did me, too."
"Please," Buffy begged.
"You've worked so hard to get to this point, defied your own nature and
the odds to go from one of the most feared vampires in history to one of the
most wonderful men I've ever known. Don't do this. Don't give up like
this."
"Why shouldn't I?"
William asked. "What does life have to offer me?"
"Love."
"What?"
Buffy took a deep breath. "I
love you, William."
"No�no
you don't�" William started to walk away.
Buffy grabbed him by the arms.
"Yes, I do. Look at me. I love you. I meant it in the Hellmouth, and I
mean it now. I love you. I love you so much�"
William looked at her, his eyes
wide and tear-filled. Buffy felt her heart clench. "How can you love this,
Buffy?"
"I just do. I tried to ignore
this, tried not to accept how whole you made me feel, but I can't anymore. You
were my soulmate before you even had a soul."
William let out a choked sob. He
crumpled to his knees, and Buffy followed him down, holding him and murmuring
soft words as she stroked the curls in his hair. "I'm sorry," William
said after a while. "For�for what I was going to
do."
Buffy pressed her lips softly
against his temple. "It's okay. It's my fault for�for treating you the way
I did. Come on. You need to rest."
William nodded, letting Buffy lead
him to the bed. They slipped under the covers and into each other's arms,
William holding her as if he was afraid she'd fade away.
Buffy smiled at his whispered
"I love you, too," before drifting off to sleep.

***
*** ***
Buffy woke up wrapped in William's
arms. He was awake, looking at her, apprehension in his eyes. "Good
morning," Buffy said softly.
"Good morning."
"Are you wondering if I'm going
to run off?"
"A little�" William said
with a timid smile.
"You're not getting off that
easily, mister," Buffy replied, moving closer to him. William let out a
deep breath and kissed the top of her head.
"I was a little afraid you
wouldn't be here when I woke up�that last night was just a dream."
"I'm here."
"I know. I can feel you. It's,
well, bloody wonderful is what it is."
"Yes it is." Buffy was
silent for a moment before saying quietly, "I missed you. All these years
when we were apart, I missed you."
William almost pointed out that it
was her fault for sending him away in the first place, but he bit his tongue. He
wanted to leave his past with Buffy there, in the past. She loved him, and he
was human. They could make a future. "I missed you, too, pet. I never felt
deader than I did without you."
Buffy looked startled for a second
before she began to cry. William frowned. "I'm sorry, Buffy. I didn't mean
to make you cry. I�"
"No, I'm sorry," Buffy
replied. "Yesterday, when Willow was trying to find you, I just kept going
through all the things I'd done to you in the past, and I felt so guilty. You
were the one who didn't have a soul, and I was the one who acted like a
monster."
"I wasn't exactly a saint,
pet. I did some fairly awful things to you as well."
"I drove you to them."
"No, you didn't. Besides, you
were right�I was just an evil, soulless thing."
"No, I wasn't. And you
weren't." Buffy noticed at some point during their conversation, William's
gaze had wandered away from her face. "William, look at me. Please."
William looked up hesitantly, his eyes holding the same uncertainty that seemed
to have taken up permanent residence since he'd been made human. "You
weren't just a thing. I�I wanted you to be, but you weren't."
"You wanted me to be?"
"Yes. The things you did, like
protecting Dawn, and the way you loved me, I knew it had nothing to do with the
chip, and part of me resented you for it, for being stronger than the demon
inside you."
"Why?"
"Angel."
William stiffened at the mention of
his grandsire. "What about the great poofter?"
"I�I used to wonder why if you
could love me without a soul, why couldn't he? Even after you could hurt me
without the chip going off, you didn't�not really. As soon as Angel lost his
soul, Angelus came right for me, tormenting me, hurting everyone I cared
about."
"I'm not like him, Buffy. I
never have been. He was a git when he was human, and he's a git now."
"It's just, well, sometimes it
felt like if you could love me with or without a soul, then maybe it meant that
Angel never really loved me at all."
"Maybe he didn't."
Buffy looked at him in surprise.
"What?"
"Look, I'm sure he loves you
in his special Angel way, but, well, he's not exactly one for realism. He put
you on a pedestal, made you into the ultimate reward for him once he'd managed
to earn redemption, or some such rot. He loved the idea of you, the fairytale of
the Slayer and the vampire with a soul. He never let himself really know you
enough to love the real Buffy. He didn't know every part of you, pet�the dark
along with the light. I did. I do. I love you all the more for it. And not some
idealized sort of love either. What I feel for you is real. It's raw, and
sometimes it stings a bit, but it's real. And that's why it could never go
away. It's beyond fairytales and dreams of redemption. It's beyond having a
soul or not. It's real."
Buffy stared at him, not sure what
to say. "Angel�Angel loved me," she said after a moment.
"He loved the idea of
you."
"There was more to it than
that. You don't know what you're talking about."
William pulled back. "And what,
Angel left you because he loved you?"
"Yes! He didn't want to hold
me back. And the curse�"
"Bullocks! Angel left because if he could love you
from afar, then he never had to love the real you. He could keep an image of
you in his mind and just love that without any of the messy entanglements that
come from a real relationship. You were unattainable. Made
you safe for him to love. And then when you got too hard to be around,
he put some distance between you so you'd keep being a safe bet."
"You don't have to belittle
what I had with Angel out of jealousy or something."
"I'm not! Just stating what I thought was the obvious. But yes, I am
jealous of Angel, jealous of how no matter what he does, you'll always defend
him. Jealous of how even when he rips your heart out and tosses it at your
feet, you look at him like he hung the bloody moon! I gave you everything I
had, and you threw it back in my face. He breaks your heart a thousand times,
and you just hand it back to him and ask for more."
"That is not true. Look, can't we just talk about something else?"
"Fine. We should head back anyway." William
got up.
"We don't have to run off just
yet," Buffy said. "We could spend some time here together."
William found his shoes, sat down
on the bed, and started to pull them on. "I'm not in the mood."
Buffy scooted over so she was
sitting behind him, wrapping her arms around his shoulder. "William, I'm
sorry we started this morning off wrong. I don't want to fight with you,
especially over this. Angel and I, we're the past. Whatever it was, it's not
important anymore. You're who I want to be with, okay?"
"So if Angel walked through
that door right now suddenly all curseless and wanting you, you wouldn't jump
at the chance?"
"No! God, how could you ask
that? Do you think I'd be here with you now if Angel was who I really wanted? I
love you now. What I had with him is long over."
William turned around. "Buffy,
I'm�"
Buffy got off the bed. "I want
to go home now."
"Fine. Let's go."
The two of them walked out of the
hotel, each getting into their separate cars and driving away.

***
*** ***
William was waiting for Buffy by
her front door when she got home. He looked at her, his blond-tipped curls
falling in front of expressive blue eyes. "I'm sorry, pet," he said
softly. "I don't want to fight with you. Can�can we forget about that back
at the hotel? Please? I just got you back. I don't want to lose you now."
Buffy wrapped her arms around him,
resting her head against his chest. She felt William immediately return the
embrace, his hold on her almost crushing. "You're not going to lose me.
I've spent enough of my life without you."
"I love you, Buffy," he
said, kissing the top of her head. "I love you so much."
"I love you, too." After
a moment, Buffy pulled away. "Come on, let's go in."
William nodded and followed her
inside.

***
*** ***
Sorry for the huge gap in updates�again.
I had a really hard time with this chapter. Please review and let me know what
you thought!
- 7
- 8
- 9
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After the End Has Come and Gone