Magic Moments

“Err, see anything you want?”

“Apart from everything?”

“Hungry, eh?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe. This is like a whole new level of hunger. And if any of this food so much as tries to run, I’m gonna hunt it down and tackle it to the floor.”

“Don’t think any of it is going to run, pet,” Spike observed, looking at the counter full of pastries. “Except maybe this,” he added, holding up a strange, floppy sausage thing. “What the hell is it?”

“I have no idea, but it looks damn good. I’d advise that you drop it before my hunger gets the better of me and I take your wrist off at the elbow.”

Spike quickly dropped the object of Xander’s current fantasy and stared around at his surroundings. “Booze.”

“Twinkies.”

They both nodded and headed off in separate directions.

**

Spike looked at the small display of bottles. There wasn’t much choice. Not that he was particularly fussy at the best of times. Alcohol was alcohol, after all. It all tasted the same coming back up.

In the end, after a full five seconds of careful thought, Spike chose the bottle that was nearest and wandered back to find Xander.

“Pet? What are you doing in the raw meat section? Please tell me you’re craving a *cooked* steak?”

“I’ll give you a stake in a minute! Fresh meat! The baby…*it* wants fresh, *raw* meat! Can you believe that?!”

“Erm…”

“What next? Am I going to start craving blood?”

“I don’t…”

“Oooooh, blood. That does sound…” Xander gave his head a hefty shake. “No! I. Do. Not. Want. Blood. I want…want sloppy Joes and custard. No! I want twinkies smothered with jelly, sultanas, raw meat and blood. NO! OHMYGOD, SPIKE, HELP ME!”

“Alright, luv, alright. Don’t get all upset, yeah? We’ll just get a bit of everything *except* blood. Don’t think about the blood. Think of the blood as nasty. Urgh, yucky blood. Euw and all that rot. See? You don’t want blood. Better?”

“You know what would be better?”

“What?”

“IF YOU STOPPED SAYING BLOOD!”

“Right. Got it. I won’t say blood.”

Spike clutched at his eye and wondered where the loaf of French bread had come from.

“Right. Pet? I’m gonna let that slide on the basis that you’re hormonal…”

“I’m not hormonal. I’m hungry!”

“Right, right, okay, luv. Calm down, yeah? Put down the loaf. That’s it, nice and slow. And kick it towards me. Thank you.”

Spike confiscated the French loaf and took in the appearance of his friend.

Xander was sulking. His arms were crossed. A deep frown dominated his face and his lips were contorted into a strange cartoon pout.

Spike pondered. Xander really was a dead ringer for Grumpy Dwarf…except that he wasn’t short…and he didn’t have a beard…and he wasn’t wearing a silly hat. But apart from that, the likeness was uncanny.

Spike took pity.

“Look, go wait in the car, pet. You look tired. Let me get everything…”

“Chocolate?”

“I’ll get everything *and* enough chocolate to keep you going for a week. You just go have a sit down, yeah?”

“Okay,” Xander replied, suspiciously. The suspicious vampire was indeed being particularly suspicious. “What are you up to?”

“Nothin’! Why do I have to be up to something?!”

“Because you’re suddenly being nice.”

“What’s wrong with that?!”

“It’s suspicious.”

“I see. Right. Okay. I guess I can’t really argue with that.”

“See? You never agree with me. Damn suspicious.”

“Oh, bloody…”

Xander glared. “You said blood again.”

“Sorry. I meant, fucking hell…”

“That’s better.”

“Christ almighty. What can I do to convince you that I’m just trying to be nice? What’s gonna make you feel better?”

Xander thought about it. “Do something evil.”

“Evil. You want me to do something evil.”

“Yeah.”

“That would make you feel better?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, erm, let me think. Hang on, err…oh, I know! Stash this under your jacket on your way out,” Spike said, handing over the bottle of vodka.

“You want to steal it? You want *me* to steal it?!” Xander hissed.

Spike shrugged and smiled his most evil smile. “Yeah. I could steal it myself, but that wouldn’t be nearly as evil as making you do it, ‘specially considering your condition and wotnot.”

Xander frowned at the bottle for a few moments before he broke out into a grateful smile. “You got it.”

“Good. And don’t sodding drop it or I’ll make you steal another one.”

“Sure. Got it. No dropping. Spike?”

“What?”

“Thanks.”

Spike smiled warmly and watched Xander walk away. “You’re welcome, luv,” he whispered. He coughed and put his evil face back on. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just watch how you get in my car, you sodding lump. My suspension is shot to hell as it is!”

TBC…