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Shadows Still Remain	By : addielogan Category: Angel the Series > Het - Male/Female > Angel(us)/Cordelia > Angel(us)/Cordelia Views: 3578 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Angel: The Series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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"Giant bug demons? Ew."
"They weren't the prettiest
things I've ever fought, that's for sure," Angel replied, smiling
at the way Cordelia's face wrinkled in disgust.
"Well, I think forgetting those things
may have been on purpose," Cordelia said, shivering. "But what
happened with them?"
"We thought we'd killed it�or that
Fred's mother had anyway. She ran it over with a bus. But then its mate came
looking for the babies�"
Cordelia held up her hand, stopping him for
a moment. "Wait," she said, trying to concentrate. "I think I
remember this. They�they were in a demon head."
"Yeah. It was right over there on the counter." Angel
pointed to the spot.
"And then the head�it broke open or
something?"
"Fred had made this device�some sort of
axe-throwing thing. She figured out what was going on, came back to the hotel
with it, and�"
"Launched the axe
across the room and right into the demon's head so the big bug things could see
its babies!" Cordelia
announced excitedly, a smile bursting across her face. "I remember
that!"
Angel smiled back, relief filling him at the
thought of Cordelia returning to her old self. He hadn't been able to keep from
worrying about her amnesia in light of how she'd returned to him right before
everything had begin with the Beast and later Jasmine, but this seemed to be
something else entirely, and it allowed him to feel a little more hope that
perhaps he was really getting his Cordy back.
"Tell me about something else," Cordelia
said, her smile still bright as she reached down and took his hand. "I
want to see if I can remember more."
Angel was more than happy to oblige.

***
*** ***
They spent most of the day with Angel
leading Cordelia around the hotel, telling her stories in an attempt to bring
her past back into focus. Some of what he said brought back memories and some
of it didn't, but Cordelia was happy simply remembering anything at all. She
was starting to feel like herself again�and remembering who she was well enough
to know what being herself felt like.
Yet as it started getting later, a restlessness set in. She hadn't had a vision in a few days
now, and Cordelia tried to simply go to bed, but she couldn't find any sleep.
Something was calling her out into the night, and while she had pieced together
enough of her past to know fighting wasn't an uncommon thing for her to do, she
knew this need for a fight she felt now was. She remembered she'd fought when
she had to, but she'd never gone out night after night patrolling the streets
for demons like she did now.
When she knew sleep wasn't coming anytime
soon, Cordelia got out of bed with a resigned sigh and changed from her
nightclothes into something more appropriate for fighting. She crept downstairs, glad Angel wasn't in the lobby as she didn't
really feel like trying to explain to him why she needed to go out�especially
since she didn't really understand it herself.
Cordelia stopped at the weapons cabinet,
quietly opening the doors and taking out a couple of stakes and a small axe,
tucking them into a bag she'd slung across her chest before closing the cabinet
back and leaving the hotel.
She'd only gone a couple of blocks before
her senses began to tingle, and she knew a vampire was close. Careful not to
make a sound, she slipped her hand into her bag and drew a stake as she closed
in on the vampire. She found it in an alley, its fangs just about to descend
into the neck of a young woman around Cordelia's age.
Cordelia grabbed the vampire by the back of
its collar and pulled it off the woman, throwing him against a dumpster. She
afforded the other woman a quick look and a command of, "Run," before
she turned her attention back to the vampire, her stake raised.
The woman didn't hesitate in fleeing the
alley, and the vampire roared as he got to his feet, angry to see his meal
getting away. Cordelia simply smiled as he charged her, then
grabbed the vampire as he approached and drove her stake into his chest.
It was simple, as if staking a vampire was
the most natural thing in the world for her to do. Yet now, as she began to
remember who she'd been, the ease at which she fought began to unnerve her.
Yes, she had training and practice, but this was something else entirely. She
had strength and instincts she didn't think she'd possessed before.
Angel had told her earlier in the day of how
she'd spent some time as a Higher Being and had also been, at least at one
point, part demon. Was that why she could do these things? Did she have either
some sort of Higher Power or demon strength? She sighed, knowing she didn't
have the answers.
Her need for a fight seeming to be sated for
now, Cordelia put her stake back into her pocket and returned to the Hyperion.

***
*** ***
Cordelia woke the next morning before Angel
and decided to go downstairs to the lobby. She knew at one point in her life,
it had been normal for her to start her mornings there, and she wondered if she
did that now if it could bring back some of what was lost.
She sat down at her old desk, her hands
clasped together on top of it. Cordelia sat still and silent, waiting.
Waiting
for the ghosts to speak�
Cordelia could remember in flashes, her mind
holding on to moments. She closed her eyes, pulling what she could of her life
back to the surface, remembering what things had been like before.
She let the ghosts wash over her,
remembering those who had been here before. Fred.
Gunn. Wesley.
Her friends.
Her
family�
She could see their faces, blurry in her
fractured memory, but there. Smiling, laughing� She could hear them laugh�
But they were gone now, lost to the war
they'd fought every day.
All she had left of them now were shadows.
"Cordelia? Are�are you okay?"
Cordy's eyes snapped open and she turned
sharply, wiping at her tears. "Anne?" she asked, the blonde woman's
presence into the hotel taking her by surprise.
"Yeah, it's me. I'm sorry I just barged
in, but the front door wasn't locked, and I didn't know if I should, I don't
know, knock or something? But I've been thinking about you and wondering if you
were all right, and I wanted to come see for myself." Anne let out a deep
breath. "And you probably don't even have any idea of what I'm
saying."
Cordelia shook her head. "No, I do. I'm
still� Well, I'm not quite as quick as I think I used to be, but I'm better off
than I was when I left your place."
"So you're starting to remember
more?" Anne asked.
"I am," Cordelia replied.
"Being here, in familiar surroundings, it's been jogging my memory. Angel
and I took a long stroll down memory lane yesterday." Cordy stood and
walked around the counter to stand beside Anne. "Thank you, for finding
him for me. For everything you did, really. I don't know what I would've done
if you hadn't been there for me."
"It was the least I could do,"
Anne said. "You saved my life once, you know."
Cordelia blinked. "I did?"
"Yeah, you did," Anne replied with
a nod. "There were zombies. You got one off of me."
"Oh. Well, go me then," Cordelia
said. "I don't remember that. Some things are still a little hazy, even
with my memory seeming to be coming back. I don't know what's going on with
it."
"Maybe you were in shock," Anne
suggested. "I mean, when I found you, you seemed like you'd gone through
something traumatic. And you were�really cold. It was late May in Los Angeles,
and your skin was so chilled. Like you'd just come in from the snow. Maybe
whatever happened to you sent your body into some sort of shock, like it wasn't
able to process it all."
Cordelia was silent for a moment as she
thought about Anne's theory. As her memories had begun to return enough for her
to really ponder what had made her lose them in the first place, her immediate
thought had been it was something mystical. From the bits of her past she could
remember, it seemed as if everything that happened to her was somehow mystical.
But Anne had a point�it could've been something as normal as some sort of
post-traumatic shock.
Which could also explain
why her memories seemed to be trickling back now. She'd felt more comfortable at the Hyperion than she
had since Anne had found her, and perhaps that sense of being home was allowing her mental blocks to
fall.
Still, whether it be
mystical or simple physical trauma, Cordelia couldn't remember how she'd ended
up wherever she was when she first woke. Her memories were returning, yet she
had the feeling all of them were older memories. Nothing was coming back to her
from the past couple of years at all. It was as if they'd simply never
happened.
She decided she'd ask Angel specifically
about that span of time later. He'd been able to fill in the other blanks for
her, so she was sure he'd be able to jog her memory there, too, and it wouldn't
be a problem.
For now, she wanted to try to start living
her life again, pick up the pieces she'd been left and try to rediscover what
was "normal" for her. Her memories were returning, and she was
certain she'd have all the pieces back in time. What she needed to do now was
try to figure out how to be who she was now when so much of what she did
remember was gone.
"Do you want to go out and get
something to eat?" Cordelia asked. "I feel like I've spent a lot of
time inside, and it might be nice to just go out and
do something."
"Will you be okay doing that?"
Anne asked. "It won't be too much for you?"
"I'll be fine," Cordelia insisted.
"I remember how to use a fork, so I promise I won't embarrass you in a
restaurant."
Anne chuckled. "All
right. I'm just surprised to see you doing so much better. You're like a
different person than you were when you were staying with me."
"It's this place," Cordelia
replied, gesturing to the hotel around her. "It's
home, and ever since I've come here, it's like the fog that was over my
memories has been lifting. It's strange, but it's like when I'm here, I
remember what it feels like to be me."
"And Angel? Does he have something to do with you remembering
what it's like to be you?" Anne asked.
Anne could've sworn she saw a slight blush
on Cordelia's cheeks at the question. "Yeah, he does. Angel�he was my best
friend. He knew me better than anyone else, so who better to tell me who I
am?"
"I never realized before you two were
so close. Not that I really knew either of you all that well, but when I saw
both of you, it wasn't together."
"Oh, he was going through one of his
phases," Cordelia said, waving her hand in a dismissive gesture.
"Angel goes into super-brood mode sometimes�usually because of some little
blonde woman�and generally acts like a total dick. He fired all of us so he
could be alone with his Darla obsession, until finally he hit the bottom so
hard he slept with her, and�" Cordelia trailed off as a bright smile broke
over her face. "Oh my god!"
"What?" Anne asked, frowning in
concern.
"I just remembered that! Like all of it
came rushing back�and it's not even any of the stuff Angel told me to get my
memory back, because lord knows he'd rather all of that just stayed
forgotten."
"So your memory really is clearing
itself up again?" Anne replied.
"It looks like it is. Which I think is
a definite sign we should go out for a bit. Celebrate me starting to feel like
me again." Cordelia grinned.
"Okay," Anne replied, secretly
grateful to be leaving. Something about the Hyperion creeped her out� It
could've been that it felt too empty for such a big place.
Or it could've been the collection of sharp,
nasty-looking weapons her eyes had been repeatedly drawn to since she'd walked
in.
"Great. Let me just leave a note for
Angel in case he wakes up, and then we can go."

***
*** ***
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Shadows Still Remain