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Complicated	By : EmeraldGrey Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > Slash - Male/Male > Spike(William)/Xander > Spike(William)/Xander Views: 2549 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Title: Complicated Chapter 7 Backtracked and Stalled

Key: *Spike's POV*

~Spike's Soul's POV~

^ Spike's Demon's POV^

{ Xander's POV}

Gently, Spike stilled the eager young man.

With his hands splayed on Xander's chest, he lightly held him at bay, as he looked deeply into Xander's beautiful brown eyes and told him softly,

"You're right Luv, we DO need to talk..."

Spike looked at Xander, his icy-blue gaze piercing.

Xander felt his heart bounce to his toes, as suddenly he's that shy naive teenage kid again, being told 'no'.

{DAMMIT! Why does he ALWAYS do THIS??!!}

With a huff, he edges away from Spike slumping back into the soft cushions.

Spike 'sensed' before he 'felt' the sudden heady sensual pheromonal blast & waves of arousal, frustration, irritation, & knew the wall was once again erect against him.

~ Sigh~

^ Heh, that's not ALL I want 'erect' against me^ (the Demon says, flashing a toothy smile at the Soul)

~Sigh~

Spike grimaces slightly after carefully adjusting himself, and follows Xander's example, complete with a wince as he too moves just a bit over, so as not to appear to crowd him.

Xander felt so many emotions covering him and dragging him under, and it seemed as if the entire room had tipped over, cause once again Spike had put up the damn stop sign, and he for one was fucking sick of this shit.

He could still feel the fear of losing the Vampire so strongly, and it left a bad taste in his mouth, like a piece of over ripe fruit, cloying, gagging him.

He'd meant what he'd told the other man, and he'd been so damn raw, and honest too.

Xander shuddered slightly as he re-lived his momentary dive into insanity.

Mentally he smacked himself upside the head.

{Great, just great. What was I thinking? Kissing him like that? Like, like some lovesick *girl* for craps sake.}

How long had it been since he'd felt those soft lips against his?

Leaning over to rest his head in his hands, Xander groans out loud as the movement causes him to bump against the slightly swelling bump on his forehead.

Carefully he avoided the spot as he again put his silky sable head in his hands, his long tanned fingers curling and carding through the soft strands.

Xander wanted to yell, stomp, scream and pull it out. Instead, he just squeezed his eyes shut, silently bemoaning the joke that was his life.

Spike was thankful that he was already sitting down as the heat, want, & burning need radiating from the sulking man currently pouting like a disgruntled teenager, almost topples him over.

Remembering what those talented digits were capable of, and knowing just how it felt to touch those silky tresses, Spike bit down hard on one knuckled fist, as he felt his resolve face slipping, and another one fighting to emerge.

^WANT, NOW. ^ (The Demon stomps his foot, er paw?)

~That poor poor boy, pouring out his heart to us, kissing us so we became breathless~

(Sigh) ~ so romantic...~(the Soul says as he draws his hands up to his chest, and sighs again)

^ (The Demon rolls his golden eyes) Demons don't breathe ya git^

~Just look at him, so sweet, so open...~ (the Soul replies with a dreamy smile, totally ignoring the Demons growing frustration)

^WANT HIM, N O W. ^ (the Demon roars)

(The Soul smacks the Demon on the arm playfully as he rolls his own sky-blue eyes)

~Of Course you do, we ALL do, but, Spike has bollocked this up from the start, this is HIS mess, let HIM deal with it, I for one am sick of all these games. ~

(He ticks off on several slender fingers,)~ first he's in love with the boy, then he slows it down, then...a, ~ (the Soul shudders as he remembers the nightmare that was Buffy.)

(The Demon shudders as well as he fixes the Soul with a pointed stare.) ^ I KNOW, a Slayer... what were YOU thinking mate? ^

(As the Demon strikes a poncy pose, the Soul's mouth falls open as he watches the hairy beast in what was an obvious mimic of him, as the demon prances over and with the tip of his finger, er claw? Shuts it for him.)

^Oooh Buffy, lets cuddle, ^ (the Demon throws his arms around himself as he shimmys his hips) ^but Buffy, I WANT to call you Pet, and snookums, and^ (the Demon pouts)

(The Soul, red faced replies) ~I DID not say it like that! ~

(The demon snorts,) ^ no wonder she left us, ya git. ^ (This time the pout is real,) ^She was a bit of alright that one, and, ^ (he leers at the Soul) ^a damn fine shag^

(The Soul blinks, and then throws the Demon a gleaming leer of his own, then pounces.).

*BLOODY SHUT THE HELL UP! M trying ta figure this out here! *

(Spike cannot believe what he's seeing. His fluffy Soul William, dressed in second skin black leather pants, is mauling, no, molesting his Demon.)

*I said, NO shagging, and William, put on a shirt, Christ on a cross you two are driving me insane! *

(A pair of golden eyes and baby blue ones shares a heated look, then train that gaze on Spike.)

(Pout) ~ fine~ (the Soul says, as he attempts to roll away from the Demon)

(The Demon pointedly ignores Spike and he reaches up and grabs that sexy leather clad arse, tumbling a giggling Soul back down onto his lap.)

^NOW^ (the demon growls, as he proceeds to kiss the Soul breathless)

A soft moan escapes the Vampire as he attempts to organize his thoughts, yet trying to not think about what his Demon and Soul were doing.

Xander looks up at him, a questioning expression hovering across his handsome face.

"Spike I meant every word I said. The, the mere thought of never seeing you again," He gulps and his gaze is sincere as he tells Spike, "just this feeling alone hurts so deeply, and, I just don't know what to do." Xander scoots over closer to the surprised Vampire, and gently takes his pale slender smaller hands into his own sun kissed larger ones.

Taking a deep breath, he slowly lets it all out. All of the pent up words, words that scare him more than any hellmouthy creature he'd ever faced. This was gonna be even more painful than when he'd realized he'd staked Jesse, and he trembles slightly as the weight of seven years seeps out of the storage of his heart.

"Spike, if I could take back any of the heartache I�ve caused you, since I met you, in a skinny minute I would, but, we BOTH have said, and done stuff we're not too proud of.

Spike could see Xander struggling not to cry, and he didn't want the younger man to lose anymore of his dignity than had already been expelled.

But, his Nummy was right, they'd both fucked this up good and proper, and if it were to be salvaged in any way, be it a real chance at some happiness, or even just a friendship of sorts, things needed to be said, revealed, fixed.

Looking deeply into Xander's beautiful eyes, he was a bit surprised to see just a hit of emerald in the whiskey gaze sheened with unshed tears. Tears brimming, yet not spilling, being held in place by the strong man in front of him.

*Ah my Xan-pet, such a sweet boy, looks like you're growing up Luv. *

Xander's gaze never falters as he tells Spike, "I have to know, and it�s driving me crazy, all of those nights, days without you, you, you just left Spike, why? Was it really all about Buffy, and, and being the man she needed?"

Leaning into Spike so close their lips were almost touching he asks, "Did you really go all the way to Africa to seek a soul, or,"

Spike's eyes are widening, going from hooded to anime round as Xander asks, "Or was it just an excuse to get away from me, from us Spike. From what we'd been, and what we were becoming."

If it weren�t for his special hearing abilities, Spike wouldn't have caught what Xander admitted to next, and his un-dead heart felt like it was slowly turning to dust at Xander's barely murmured words.

His gaze now averted, and the words coming stilted, stiffly from his full lips, Xander softly choked out, " I don't want us to fight, but, you always do it, you always leave me, just, just when I think it could be good, ya know real with us, this thing between us, you just leave."

Spike started to speak, to try and give the boy, what he needed to have, to hear.

But, Xander was having non of it, not this time, nope this time, Spike was gonna know, and he wasn't gonna stop until it was ALL out in the open.

Gently he lifts one shaking finger to Spike's lush lips. As he shushes the other man. Xander looks deep, as he searches Spike's eyes, begging, needing to know the

truth, then all at once he's hotly demanding,

"You. Leave. Me. Why, Spike? Why am I never enough? Why Spike?

What are you SO damn fucking afraid of?"

Looking down at their tightly clasped hands, Xander painfully continues,

"Is it me, us? You let yourself get just so close and then it's always something, or..." Xander's teeth grind as he forces out the next few words, " someone...that you let come between us, and what we could have, what we STILL could be. GOD! Why Spike, why am I never enough for you?" He whispers brokenly.

Spike was stunned. Never in all the years he'd known this mortal in front of him had Xander ever been so open with him, so forthright. He had always hinted at, or teased at or generally skated over anything too personal between them when pressed for more.

Dressing up his feelings in sarcastic jibes, and words chock full of innuendos, as well as looks full of hidden meanings so much so that Spike had become used to it. And, he'd had tried his level best not to interfere when asked in anything in the young mans life. He's made promises to keep what this was, what it had been between them, exactly that, between THEM.

Not even when he KNEW that his Nummy was making a big mistake, (that of course being anything of female persuasion that his Xan-pet just happened to draw to him) he'd done as Xander had asked, and played his part, the part of a snarky Master Vampire.

Then a government chip had changed so much, and before he'd understood why or what had drove him to it, Spike had found himself on the Watchers doorstep, on Thanksgiving, begging for shelter from the sun, and blood to survive.

Xander watched as emotions swirled in the cerulean depths. His breath caught as he saw the light of Spike's soul, and it sparkled as brightly as freshly poured champagne. The pink tip of Spike's tongue caused Xander to moan. In that instant of time, all he wanted was to crush the other man to him from those pouty lips to that sexy hard muscular chest, and never let him go.

^Just DO it already^ (the Demon taunts)

~He really DOES love us doesn't he? ~ (The Soul marvels)

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Complicated