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After the End Has Come and Gone	By : addielogan Category: AtS/BtVS Crossovers > Het - Male/Female > Buffy/Spike(William) > Buffy/Spike(William) Views: 4670 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-1
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 8-8
- 9-9
- 10-10
- 11-Epilogue
- 6
- 7
- 8
When William woke again, Buffy was
scrambling around the dark room trying to find her clothes. He was surprised at
how much it hurt to see her sneaking out without saying anything to him. He knew
he should be used to it, but a small part of him had been hoping that maybe,
this time would be different. Any hope of that was squashed now.
"Taking off already,
kitten?"
Buffy turned, startled.
"William! I didn't know you were awake."
"You kept bumping into things.
Kinda hard to sleep through that, pet."
"It's dark. I can't see."
"Why didn't you turn on the
light?"
"I didn't want to wake you
up."
"Well, there's a bit of irony
for you."
Buffy laughed a little. "I
didn't think it was a good idea for me to stay the night. Someone might see me
coming out of your room in the morning."
"So it's back to that
then."
"William, I�"
"It's all right. Not like I
actually thought this was going to turn into anything. I wised up as far as
that goes a long time ago." He propped himself up on an elbow, watching
her as she tried to dress herself in the dark. "Turn on the light, Buffy.
You can't see what you're doing."
"I don't want to."
William didn't think this could
possibly hurt any more. He was wrong. Knowing that she couldn't even stand to
look at him made the aching increase tenfold. He repressed the urge to beg her
to stay, just a little longer. He couldn't go down that road, not again. "Right. So I guess I'll see you around then."
"We can talk tomorrow."
"There's nothing to talk
about, Buffy," William said bitterly. "We had sex again�and again
it was a mistake."
Buffy felt as if his words had
physically hit her. "William�"
"What? Don't want me taking
your lines?" William felt his hurt being quickly replaced by anger. It was
easier that way. Anger was something he could deal with.
"No, it's�"
"Don't. I'm so sick of hearing
you rationalizing this away. Just get your clothes on and go."
Buffy felt her lip quiver for a
moment, but she pushed the tears back. "Fine," she snapped, finishing
dressing. "And just so you know, this is the last time I make this
'mistake.'"
"Good!" William snapped
back. "I'm tired of you anyway!"
"Well, that's just fine
because I'm tired of you!"
Buffy stormed out of the room, only
forgoing the slamming of the door because she didn't want to bring anyone out
into the hallway to see what was going on. She started to go back home, but
decided to head down to the kitchen instead. Her fridge was nearly empty, and
she needed something comforting.
She found ice cream in the freezer
with a post-it note reading "ANDREW'S!" in huge print. She pulled it
off without a second thought, tossing it in the trash bin and sitting down with
the ice cream in a spoon.
Buffy sat up straight when she saw
the kitchen door open, then relaxed when she saw who
it was. "Willow, hey. I'm glad it's you."
Willow looked over at her best
friend and smirked. "Afraid I was Andrew come to reclaim his ice cream?
You know, I don't know why he still bothers to put post-its on things. Not once
in seven years has anyone ever stopped because he put his name on
something."
Buffy took another bite of ice
cream. "Well, by now it's just tradition, I think. So what are you doing
in here? You're usually out of the main building by now."
"I was in here watching
television on the big television in the rec room, and I fell asleep. But then I
woke up hungry and figured I'd come in here and scavenge."
"Grab a spoon, and you can
join me," Buffy offered.
Willow took her up on it, sitting
across from Buffy at the island in the middle of the large kitchen. Buffy
handed her the ice cream. "So what's up with Spike being here?"
Willow asked as she took a bite.
Buffy looked down. "Can't we
talk about something else?"
Willow frowned. "Buffy, is something
wrong?"
Buffy looked up again, and Willow
could tell she was about to cry. "Will, I think I did something really
stupid."
"What?"
"I slept with him."
"Already?"
"Huh?"
"Well, I figured you would, I
just gave it at least a couple of weeks. Kennedy said within twenty-four hours
of him getting here. Damn, guess I lost." Another bite
of ice cream.
Buffy took the carton back.
"This is serious, you know. I mean, I want him so badly I don't know what
to do. When I was leaving his room earlier I couldn't even turn the light on,
because I knew as soon as I saw him I'd just get right back in the bed."
"So why didn't you?"
Willow asked, reclaiming the ice cream. "I mean, if you want to, you might
as well. You're both adults, and it's not like you have that whole
vampire/slayer problem anymore. There's not really anything standing in your
way."
"But things are still
complicated," Buffy said with a sigh. "Last week I thought I was
married. And those feelings I had for Clint, they seemed so real, Willow. They
made me think I was happy. And now, I'm just confused."
"I guess Spike being back
doesn't exactly help with you trying to sort through all that, huh?"
Willow handed the ice cream back to Buffy.
"No. Now not only do I have to
figure all that out, but I have to figure him out as well." She took a
bite of ice cream, then set it down, letting out a
deep breath. "Willow, it was amazing. It's totally different, being with
him now that he's alive. It was always good, but this time, well, it was
perfect. I'm not sure I can handle that right now."
"You can't handle perfect
sex?"
"No. Like you said, there's
nothing standing between us now, not really anyway. It's scary."
"It's more than just what
happened to you in Texas that makes you afraid to jump into anything with
Spike, isn't it Buffy?" Willow reached for the ice cream.
Buffy looked down a little.
"Yes. When I'm with him, I know I could fall for him. Hard." She
looked up, meeting Willow's eyes. "Like I fell for Angel
kind of hard. So in love I'd crumble without him. I can't ever afford to
do that again, Will."
"Buffy, love is about taking
chances. After I lost Tara, I was afraid to get really serious with Kennedy.
But I did. And it was the best decision I ever made."
"I don't know if it would be
with him. I'm not sure we could ever make it work. I mean, yeah, I feel
something for Spike, something very strong, but we've never really had a
relationship built on anything but sex before. I'm not sure we could have
anything else."
"You don't know until you've
tried."
"I know, but�"
Willow cut her off. "Buffy, I
can't say I understand what you have with Spike. But I do know there's
something real there. I don't know why you keep fighting it, but as things
stand, there's no point. Maybe a relationship between the two of you wouldn't
work. But maybe it would. Throwing away anything the two of you possibly could
have without giving it a try is a mistake."
"I don't want to get
hurt."
"Look me in the eye and tell me
that watching him walk out of your life again wouldn't hurt."
Buffy reclaimed the ice cream.
"Why'd you have to go and make things all rational?"
"Because that's what best
friends do. So are you going to make a go at it?"
"I'm not sure if he wants to.
He called tonight a mistake."
"Buffy, honestly, it's Spike.
Do you think he'd seriously turn down a chance to actually be with you?"
"He seemed pretty fed up with
me earlier�"
"Pift.
Just talk to him tomorrow. Tell him you have feelings for him, but you want to take
things slow, see what happens."
"Willow, it's just not that
simple."
"Why not? Why can't it be that simple?"
"Because it
never has been! We'll
just end up hurting each other all over again."
"It's been six years, Buffy.
Things may have changed."
Buffy stirred the melting ice cream
around with her spoon. "Things will never change with us. Spike and I, we
just don't work."
"No, you're right. You and
Spike don't work." Buffy started to say something, and Willow added
quickly. "But maybe you and William do."
Buffy stood up. "No, we
wouldn't. I can't�I can't do this. It's just all too much. I have to go to
bed."
"Buffy."
"Good night, Willow."
Willow frowned as she watched her
best friend leave the kitchen. "Good night."

***
*** ***
Once back in her own bed, Buffy
couldn't sleep. The rational part of her brain kept telling her that being with
Spike was dangerous. What they had couldn't be anything lasting, anything real.
It was the kind of passion that burned hot, but quickly consumed until all you
had left were ashes. She'd gone down that path with him too many times before.
But another part of her was telling her to throw away her inhibitions over this
and finally really give herself to him. She kept going back to what Willow had
said, about how maybe she'd be able to find something with William that she
never had with Spike. Could things be different now that he was different?
Still, Buffy knew that part of
William had always been in Spike. She acknowledged now what she couldn't
before�that he'd kept a spark of humanity even when he didn't have a soul. It
was that spark that had drawn her to him time and time again, and, if she was
being honest with herself, what made her love him. It had scared her, the way
he'd looked at her with so much love in his eyes. He should've been a thing,
evil and soulless, but in the furthest recesses of her mind, she'd known
something else was there. She'd known it from the beginning, felt it when she'd
seen the panic he'd felt the first time she'd threatened to stake Drusilla.
Part of the man he'd been had never left, and Buffy had found it all too easy
to fall for him, to want to pull that man away from the monster and hold him
until the world fell away.
I have given, I have given
and got none

Still I'm driven by something I can't explain

It's not a cross, it is a choice

I cannot help but hear his voice

I only wish that I could listen without shame

Let it rain, let it rain on me

Let it rain, oh let it rain

Let it rain on me
William lay in bed after Buffy
left, staring at the ceiling. He could still smell Buffy all around him, their
scents still mingled on his sheets. He could almost still feel her touching his
skin, but every caress was soured by the memory of how quick she'd been to run
away again. It seemed that even when he was human, he wasn't good enough for
her. William got out of the bed, unable to stand being surrounded by her
anymore. He ripped the sheets off the bed, tossing them across the room and as
far away from him as possible. William felt like a fool to think that he'd ever
be what Buffy wanted. He'd gone half way around the world to get a soul for
her, and still, she hadn't loved him. Why would him
being human make any difference?
William went into the bathroom,
needing to wash her off of him. His entire body was stained by her touch, her
smell, and he couldn't stand it. He stopped at the sink, catching a glimpse of
his reflection. The face that looked back seemed to be mocking him, taunting
him with all he wasn't. He was just William. Pathetic, weak,
and useless. For so long his reflection had been hidden from him, and
now he was faced with the stark reality of it all. Underneath the loud music,
leather coats, and bleached hair he would never be more than William, the
Bloody Awful Poet. He hated what he saw. No wonder, Buffy doesn't want you,
you miserable git. William reached up, smashing the mirror with his fist.
But his reflection kept staring back at him, broken but still taunting.
I have been a witness to
the perfect crime

I Wipe the grin off of my face to hide the blame

It isn't worth the tears you cry

To have a perfect alibi

Now I'm beaten at the hands of my own game

Let it rain, let it rain on me

Let it rain, oh let it rain

Let it rain on me
Buffy couldn't have what she
wanted. She never let herself get that close, instead only allowing herself a
taste of what he was, never allowing for gentle reminders that he was still
human somewhere, deep inside. She told herself over and over that he was just a
vampire, nothing better than those she would slay every night. But now, the
monster was gone, leaving only the man in its place. Those soft, vulnerable
eyes she'd caught looking at her for fleeting moments were there all the time
now, begging her to finally accept and acknowledge what it was between them. Begging her to love him.
Buffy had told Angel once that she
was "cookie dough," not finished baking. She'd told him that maybe, someday, she'd be ready for a real relationship. That had
been before she'd become the mentor to a thousand slayers. She'd thought that
once she'd begun to share her power, her burden, with so many that her life
would be her own. But it hadn't happened that way. If anything, it was worse
now, her every waking moment dedicated to making every one of those girls
strong enough to face the darkness. Before, she'd been the center, the Chosen One.
Now, she had to hold herself up for every other slayer, her status as the only
slayer left who had ever been that One pushing her to the position of role
model and leader for all the rest. She was like a general, with her army
counting on her to bring them home safely. Even with the war that had raged in
LA over, there was still so much fighting left to do.
It isn't easy to be kind

With all these demons in my mind

I only hope one day I'll be free�
Blood ran down William's fist and
arm, dripping into the sink. The sight of it did nothing for him, and while he
could still recognize the scent, it didn't call to him like it once had. He
touched the cuts, then brought the finger to his
mouth, tentatively licking the blood. The taste was metallic, a little salty,
but nothing like it had once been. He could remember what blood had been to him
before, how it had tasted better than anything else he could ever imagine. Now
it was nothing, just like the rest of him.
William looked at the broken mirror
again and laughed, a bit deliriously. He remembered only a few days ago that
he'd broken the mirror in the hotel room, hating it for refusing to show his
reflection and reminding him of what he'd then thought was why he could never
be with Buffy. Now he knew the true reason why he could never have her. It had
never been that he didn't have a soul or that he was a vampire, but just that
Buffy didn't want him. She didn't want William. He thought back to years
before, when she'd walked away from him in his crypt, using his real name to
him for the first time. She'd known the man inside him then, had called him by
name, and still he wasn't good enough. He understood that now. Like she'd said
to him in the alley after he'd told her how he'd killed the other two slayers,
he was beneath her.
I do my best not to
complain

My face is dirty from the strain

I only hope one day I'll come clean
Buffy knew it would never stop. As
long as there was breath in her body, she still had her duties as a slayer, and
she couldn't let anything distract her from that, not even piercing blue eyes,
revealing to her a haunted soul.
Rain, let it rain on me

Let it rain, oh let it rain

Let it rain on me
William sank down to the ground,
letting himself cry for what he knew he could never have.
Let it rain�

***
*** ***
Dawn walked into her sister's house
without knocking. "Buffy! Buffy, are you in here? Where are you?"
Buffy came out of
the kitchen. "I was
just making myself some breakfast. And don't you know how to knock?"
"Technically. Hey, I need to borrow a dress."
"A
dress?"
"Yeah. I have a�" Dawn stopped. "Buffy,
you look awful."
"Gee, thanks."
"Sorry, it's just that you
look a little haggard. Rough night?"
Buffy shrugged. "I guess. I
just didn't sleep very well."
Dawn frowned. "Still upset
over what happened to you in Texas?"
"Yeah." Buffy smiled, not wanting Dawn to worry.
"But I'll be back to my old self in no time, I'm sure."
"Have you talked to William at
all? He seemed pretty down, too. Maybe the two of you could cheer each other up
or something."
Buffy gave Dawn a stern look.
"Come on. When have Spike and I ever cheered each other up?" Dawn started
to say something, but Buffy cut her off. "So what's this about needing a
dress?"
"Yeah, that. I need something
nice, and I don't really have anything that fits the bill. I thought maybe you
would."
"What's it for?" Buffy
asked. Dawn looked away and mumbled. "Could you repeat that? I didn't
quite hear you�"
Dawn sighed and looked up at Buffy.
"Fine, it's for a date."
"A date, huh? What's with all
the mumbliness? I know you date. Heck, I've even
accepted the fact that you've most likely had sex�thought I don't ever, ever want to hear about it."
"It's just, well, I really
like this guy, and, um, I'm not sure you'll approve."
"I won't approve? What's wrong
with him?" Buffy gave Dawn a mock-stern look. "He's not a vampire is
he, because like I said that Halloween�"
Dawn cut her off with a laugh. "No.
I'll leave the vampire dating up to the older Summers
sister, thank you. No, it's just, well, it's someone you know, and, um� Oh
fine, it's Andrew."
Buffy stared, her eyes bugging.
"Andrew? Andrew? As in Tucker's brother?"
"He really hates it when you
guys call him that. You know him a lot better than you ever knew Tucker."
"I know, I, um� Isn't he
gay?"
Dawn rolled her eyes.
"No." She looked back at Buffy, a slow smile crossing her lips.
"I can tell you he is definitely not
gay."
Buffy held up her hands.
"Okay, this is one of those things I don't want to hear about. I'll lend
you a dress on one condition."
"And what would that be?"
"You make sure it's thoroughly
disinfected before you bring it back."
"Buffy!"
"What?" Buffy sighed
dramatically. "Fine, I'll be nice about this." She gave Dawn a
sideways glance. "You really like him?"
"I love him, Buffy."
Buffy blinked. "Love?
Dawn, are you sure, I mean�"
"Yes, I'm sure. Look, I wanted
to tell you, but you were gone, and then when you came back, things were sort
of hectic, and I didn't know the right time. But I guess now is as good a time
as any. And I really need a nice dress since tonight," Dawn smiled, "well, it may be the night, Buffy."
"The
night?"
"Yes." Dawn smile grew.
"I have it on fairly good authority that he plans to propose."
Buffy sputtered.
"Propose?" She started to say the first thought that came into her
head, but at the look on her younger sister's face, she changed her mind.
"That's great, Dawnie! I'm happy for you."
"Really?"
"Yes,
really." Buffy
hugged Dawn. "You just tell me if he does anything to hurt you. I've
kicked his ass before, and I can do it again."
Dawn giggled. "I will. So
about that dress�"
"Hey, you can be proposed to
in a borrowed dress. How much time until you're supposed to leave?"
"Oh, we're not going out until
eight. I have tons of time."
"Then let's go shopping. I'll
help you pick something out."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah. It's been ages since we've spent any
quality sister time."
"You don't have too much
Slayer stuff to catch up on after being gone so long."
"Nah. You guys ran the show just fine without me.
Give me, say, an hour to shower and change, and we'll head out."
"Sounds great," Dawn said, her smile huge. "I'll come back here in an
hour."
Dawn left, and Buffy walked towards
her bedroom, pondering how exactly her sister had ended up with Andrew Wells of
all people. At least thinking about that took her mind of William�

***
*** ***
Buffy looked at Dawn from across
the table outside the small caf�. "So how long has this thing with Andrew
been going on?" Buffy asked, taking a bite of her salad.
"About eight months,"
Dawn replied. "Officially, anyway. I think we
were moving towards it for a while, though."
Buffy blinked. "Really?
I didn't notice. I mean, I knew you guys had starting being pretty good friends
in Italy�nothing was going on in Italy, was it?"
"What, when you were busy
doing god knows what with 'the Immortal?" Dawn rolled her eyes at the
mention of Buffy's old flame.
Buffy groaned. "Please, don't
ever mention his name. I have no idea what convinced me that little tryst was a good idea."
"I do," Dawn replied.
"Oh, really? Share your wisdom with me, oh enlightened
one."
"Spike."
"Come again?"
"You were having a hard time
getting over his sacrifice. You were grateful for what he did, knew it couldn't
have been any other way, but you missed him. And it hurt�more than you wanted
it to. So you let yourself get pulled into a relationship where you could have
fun, loose yourself for a while. Granted, you didn't exactly pick the best guy
for that, but hey, we all make mistakes." Dawn gave Buffy a small smile. "And as for Andrew and me back then, no. We were
friends, yeah, but nothing more. It wasn't until I really started working with
the Council that things�changed."
Buffy decided to let the
conversation slip back to Andrew and away from the Immortal, although part of
her was still mulling over what Dawn had said about her relationship with the
Immortal really being about her trying to get over Spike. "When did things
change? I mean, call me dense here, but I never exactly pegged you and Andrew
for couple material."
"I'm not really sure when they
changed myself," Dawn said. "It was just, well, one night, we were
working late, trying to sort out the details on finding a new Slayer that had
been identified. Anyway, we were sitting on the floor of my office eating
dinner, when I looked at him, and I just knew�you
know? All of the sudden, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I loved
him."
"All of the sudden? Are you
sure it's not�"
"A
spell?"
"Yeah."
Dawn gave her sister a stern look.
"No, it's not a spell. I've been under a love spell before�remember R.J.?"
"How could I forget him and
his oh so dreamy letter jacket," Buffy said with a smirk. "But
seriously, Andrew's been known to do some pretty crazy stuff in the past. And I
like him too, these days, but�"
Dawn cut Buffy off. "In the past, Buffy. People change. None of us are the
same as we were back then. And Andrew, he's a good guy. I love him." Dawn
smirked. "And as for the spell, Willow insisted she check me out to make
sure no one had been working any love mojo on me,
even though I knew it felt too real to be anything else. She was just as
shocked as you were when I told her."
"And you came out spell free?"
"Yes, Buffy."
"Well, as long as you're happy�"
"I totally am. Look, I know it
seems weird, but Andrew and I, we just work. I don't know why, I don't know
how, but we do." Dawn smiled knowingly. "Love doesn't always make
sense. Sometimes you meet someone that at first glance doesn't seem like the
person your friends would pick for you, or even who you'd pick for yourself,
but when you stop and look at it, it's just right.
Love is about who speaks to your heart."
Buffy met Dawn's eyes, and for a
second, Buffy wondered if her sister was still talking about her relationship
with Andrew or something else entirely. Could Dawn know? "I'm, um, glad
you've found someone who speaks to your heart, Dawn. So are you about done with
your lunch? We still haven't found a dress."
Dawn sighed inwardly, wishing her
older sister wasn't so difficult. "Almost."

***
*** ***
Dawn turned around, letting Buffy
get a glimpse of her from every angle. "So, how do I look?"
"Great," Buffy said,
smiling warmly. "Andrew's gonna love it."
"He better, with that price
tag," Dawn replied. She softly patted her hair. "It's all still in
place, right?"
"Yes. You look perfect."
Dawn could hardly contain her
nervous excitement. "I can't believe that by this time tomorrow I'll
probably be engaged." Dawn jumped a little, letting out a happy squeal.
Buffy smiled, the gleam in Dawn's eyes reminding her of the little girl her
sister used to be.
Buffy hugged Dawn. "I'm really
glad to see you so happy, Dawnie," she said.
"You having a good life is the most important
thing in the world to me."
Dawn pulled away. "I want you
to be happy, too, Buffy."
"I am."
"Buffy, I know you probably
don't want to talk about him, but William�"
"Am I interrupting
anything?"
Buffy and Dawn turned around,
seeing Andrew coming into the main hall where they stood. Dawn's entire face
seemed to light up, and Buffy no longer doubted that her sister was truly in
love. "No," Buffy said, grateful for the distraction from the subject
Dawn was about to bring up. "You're not interrupting anything."
Dawn decided she could talk to
Buffy about the former vampire some other time. "Are you ready to
go?" she asked Andrew.
"Ready when you are," he
said, returning Dawn's bright smile. He walked up to her, taking her hand.
"You look�wow�you're beautiful."
Dawn straightened Andrew's tie. "You
look pretty good yourself." Andrew blushed slightly under Dawn's
attention.
Buffy gave the couple a mock-stern
look, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. "Don't you keep her out
too late, mister," she said to Andrew shaking her finger. "And behave
yourself."
Dawn rolled her eyes. "Sure,
Buffy, we'll be good."
Buffy smirked. "Somehow, I
don't believe you when you use that tone. Have a good time, you two."
"Thanks, Buffy," Dawn
said, linking her arm with Andrew's. "Good night."
"Good night," Buffy
replied as Dawn and Andrew walked off. Buffy watched as the young couple walked
away, their love obvious to anyone who cared to look. Buffy felt a twinge of
guilt as she realized she was jealous of her sister.
Buffy walked back to her house
alone.

***
*** ***
Sorry for the huge gap in postings,
but I got caught up on my other fic.
I didn't get a lot of feedback on
the last one, so I'm not sure if anyone's still reading this. Let me know if
you are�there's no point in writing this if no one cares anymore!
Also, the song used is "Let it
Rain" by Amanda Marshall.
- 6
- 7
- 8
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After the End Has Come and Gone