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I'll Never Love You	By : JMB Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > Slash - Male/Male > Angel(us)/Xander > Angel(us)/Xander Views: 7893 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 6
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- 8
Knowing

Three associates of Angel Investigations went about their daily business in the invitingly decorated lobby of their agency. Wesley Wyndham-Pryce, the boss, was sorting through hard copies in the filing cabinet behind the check-in counter. Angel, the agency�s namesake and former boss, sat in a nearby chair reading through a police report one of Wesley�s contacts had procured for them.

Cordelia Chase, office manager, link to the Powers That Be, was typing perilously on her computer�s keyboard creating an account sheet for their newest client when the vision hit. Cordelia slapped her right hand to her forehead and almost fell out of her chair when a ballooning pain expanded inside her skull.

"Cordelia!" Wesley exclaims from nearby.

If he�d been faster Wesley would�ve been the one comforting her, and right now Cordelia wishes, just this once, Wes had the ability to move quicker than a vampire. Because Angel materializes beside Cordelia and catches her before she happened off her chair. He held her by her shoulders, being strong and gentle all at once. It never bothered Cordelia much before but this time she shrugged him off. An angry motion that caused her to wince�the agony from her vision stomping harder on her head to remind her it was still there.

"I saw� I saw a man being attacked by vampires. They were tossing Molotov�s through the windows of his apartment to force him outside�" Cordelia informs them, rubbing her forehead with her hand.

"Where?" Angel asked.

"I don�t know!" She replies sharply; too sharply because now Angel and Wesley are staring at her with worried expressions. Probably attributing her tone to the stress and agony the visions induced. Cordelia sighed and lowered her hand and looks to Angel standing at her left.

"I don�t know where, but I think I can look up his name over the net and get an address."

Angel is still looking at her with that �poor, poor Cordelia, how she suffers� look, and Cordelia�s almost happy, maliciously so, to tell him the man�s name just to get rid of that look.

"It�s Xander."

It isn�t as satisfying as she thought. Not a fraction as funny as she hoped. That pitying expression she hates melts away, forming into something thoroughly chill and this close to Angelus-like if Angel�s alter ego weren�t smiling condescendingly all the time.

"Xander? Alexander Harris?" Wesley asks. His voice was full of not knowing. "The young man from Sunnydale High?"

"That�s him," Cordelia answers peering at Angel, and he�s still wearing that cold expression.

"I seem to remember he had some sort of falling out with Buffy and Willow after the Council took Mayor Wilkins into custody."

"Some sort," Cordelia replied still staring at Angel. It�s a few moments before he notices, and the coolness transforms to shock. Cordelia notices, and not for the first time how expressive Angel�s face can be. Perfectly mapping out his feelings when he isn�t pretending he doesn�t have them.

"You know?"

"I�m sorry, what did you say, Angel?" Wesley asks because Angel�s question is a whisper Cordelia�s not sure she�s meant to hear.

She nods anyway.

No one ever knew why she broke up with Xander back then. Her friends thought she�d finally come to her senses. Buffy and Willow, and maybe Giles, figured Xander did something to screw up their couple-ness. All anyone really knew was she and Xander just... stopped.

Cordelia didn�t feel the need to volunteer details.

And Harmony and Aura couldn�t understand why Xander was off her bitch radar. They were all like: He�s fair game now, right? You�re not together anymore, sick em� girl! But there was a problem with that, and the answer was simple: Cordelia still loved him. In a way she�d loved him more than ever because he chose to tell her. Not Willow, and big Duh, definitely not Buffy, but her. Because he trusted her, needed her. Only Cordelia couldn�t be with him after learning the truth.

So she left him�judged him all the same. Though she wanted what happened between Angel and Xander not to matter, it did. And nothing, *nothing* ruins a couple�s intimacy better than the mental picture of your boyfriend getting screwed by the boyfriend of the woman you considered to be your biggest rival.

"I�ll get back on the computer and see if I can pull up Xander�s address," Cordelia said turning back to her computer and away from Angel�s stunned expression.

"Considering his Sunnydale back round do you think he�ll be listed?" Wesley asked.

"Hey, I was listed after my exodus, I don�t know why Xander wouldn�t be."

"All right, Angel and I will arm ourselves� how many vampires did you see in the vision?"

"Six or seven," Cordelia replied her eyes still on the computer screen as she pulled up online listings. Cordelia could feel Angel�s gaze dwelling on her.

"I�ll contact Gunn then," Wesley said and retreated to his office to make his phone call.

"Cordy--"

"I�m busy, Angel. You should go get ready and stuff. I�ll let you know when I find Xander�s address."

She knew.

Goddamn it all, I was losing another person I loved because of Xander Harris!

Cordelia was the most important woman in my life. She was family. She�s� And I was losing her again; I could see it in her eyes when she looked at me now. I heard it in her voice.

I didn�t know how much she knew, how much Xander told her, but I wanted to stay in the hotel and explain my side and negate his lies. But she didn�t want to hear it. And who was I to fault her? It was too soon after the whole mess with Darla and Drusilla. I knew how lucky I was that she�d allowed me back into her life as far as she has. And now Xander�s turned up� And. She. Knows!

I left the Hyperion and waited for Wes in the car, thinking. Trying to put the pieces to a very old puzzle together. It was Xander who told Cordy, no doubt about it, because I don�t figure Buffy or Willow for spreading around the story I told Buffy the last night I saw her. Cordy fell away from the Scoobies when she and Xander broke up after Spike came back to Sunnydale drunk off his ass and moaning over Dru� Fuck! And now it�s clear why Xander and Cordy stopped seeing each other.

Cordelia always knew and it explained so much. Why she�d was so intolerant when I moped over Buffy�cruel even�and why she was the hardest on me after I returned to AI hat in hand. It had nothing to do with my abandoning her and the others to go after Wolfram and Hart. Cursing, I gripped the steering wheel. Only a miracle kept it from crumbling under my hands.

"Gunn is already close to Mr. Harris� residence, we can pick him up on our way," Wes said after joining me in the car. "Angel?"

I leaned back in my old, squeaky tilt and swivel chair interlocking my fingers behind my head and grinned. I was terribly pleased with myself. My English term paper was finished and perfect. No. No, immaculate was the word. In fact there should be laws against this kind of utter worthiness!

I spent ten grueling weeks hammering out the paper. I spent more time on this single assignment than on all the classroom and homework assignments I�d been assigned during my entire joke of an academic career at Sunnydale High.

Taking my hands away from the back of my skull I performed a little "I�m bad, I know it" dance in my chair before I grabbed the mouse and clicked on save. Next, I backed up the file on a floppy. I removed the three and a half and put it in my backpack. I�d have to print the paper out at school since I was a hundred tacos away from affording my own printer.

I shut down the computer, yawned, stretched, then got up and ambled over to the tiny kitchenette in my one room apartment. I barely gotten up from my computer the whole time I was polishing the paper and hadn�t eaten. I opened the refrigerator and had to make a choice between Chinese, an assortment of tacos and burritos and pizza. I was pretty sick of the first two. Overexposure�you serve it eight hours a day three days a week respectively it happens. But I got the food for free, so� I pulled out the pizza box and wandered twelve whole steps over to the pullout and sat down. I placed the box on the coffee table flipped it open and set about devouring one of the three slices within. Absently, I grabbed the remote on the table and flick on the TV.

It was after eleven and I had no idea what was on, but it was a good bet the nightly news was in my future. I was down to the last slice of pizza when I heard knocking on the door. I didn�t pay any attention at first. And not because I was enraptured by the �How appliances draw electricity even when they�re off� report on the Channel 11 news. Though interesting I can�t say it was must see TV. I didn�t notice because very few people came to visit me, and no one I knew would stand outside my apartment door at this hour. A second round of knocking came, only louder this time, and it registered. I turned my head and looked at the door.

"Huh."

I tossed the crusty remains of the pizza back into the grease-stained box and got up from the couch. Placing the palms of my hands against the whitewashed metal door and looked through the peephole. I backed away fast. What the hell does that limy bastard want? A third rapping came, and then another, each knock more insistent than the report that came before it while I stood there struck dumb by bewilderment.

Fuck it. It�s not like I had to actually invite the guy in or even talk to him if I didn�t want to. I stepped forward and opened the door slowly.

I hadn�t seen more than a blurry image of his face through the peephole so I was amazed to find Wesley Wyndham-Pryce not wearing a suit. No, this Wesley standing on my porch wore a tan jacket over a dark blue shirt, slacks that matched the jacket and a pair of brown boots. After giving him a quick appraisal, my gaze returned to Wesley�s face. Gold wire-rimmed glasses: check. His dark hair wasn�t groomed perfectly though; it was a little mussed on top and slicked back around his temples.

"What do you want?"

I knew I hadn�t asked with enough venom because Wesley barely flinched and went on to say, "Xander Harris? You may not remember me�I am Wesley Wyndham-Price. I was Buffy Summers and Faith�s Watcher in Sunnydale."

Jesus, it wasn�t that long ago since I saw the guy! Closing on two years. How dumb does Wesley think I am? And here I was thinking the prick couldn�t be any more superior.

"I know who you are, man. What do you want?"

"I�m here to warn you that you are about to be attacked by vampires."

"Vampires?"

"Yes. You need to come with us until we take care of them."

"Who�s we?"

I could tell my asking questions and the tone in which I asked them was starting to bother Wesley. He was getting a look on his face I remembered from Sunnydale. Must admit I liked it better than that so-called I�m here to help expression of his.

"Never mind that now, time is of the utmost importance."

"And why should I trust you?"

"I�m sorry?"

Why yes, you certainly are.

"How do I know you aren�t a vampire trying to lure me out of my humble abode so you can eat me? In fact, why would you want to help me in the first place? How did you find me? And--"

"Yo, Wes! What�s taking so long?"

Wesley turned about; and I froze.

"He doesn�t believe me," Wesley said to the man walking up the sidewalk vein leading up to my apartment door.

"About the vampires?" That familiar voiced asked. "I thought you said this guy was educated, English?"

Right up until he stood next to Wesley, the man couldn�t see me. I was behind the Watcher, hidden by his taller figure so I couldn�t see the new arrival either. But then there he was. Gripping his homemade battle-ax in his right hand, business end pointed at the ground, edge facing behind him. He was wearing a black jacket vest over a blood red long sleeved shirt, black baggy cargo pants, and black boots.

God, he looked�

"Gunn," I said. I could feel my face getting hot.

"Damn." He didn�t sound embarrassed at all. I wonder how he managed that?

"I take it you two are familiar with one another?" Wesley asked.

"Yeah," Gunn replied, then said more under his breath, "I�ve really got to start asking the names of these people."

"Uh, excuse me," I said before quickly shutting the door in both men�s faces.

Shit. Great, just what I need in my life. How can this night get any worse? And why exactly did I leave them alone out there to talk? I opened the door again. Wesley and Gunn were still standing on my porch, Wesley staring at Gunn inquiringly, and Gunn was looking at me with some expression I didn�t even want to understand.

"Vampires are coming after me, huh? Do you know why?" I directed at Wesley and had to resist the impulse to let my eyes move in Gunn�s direction.

The Watcher returned his attentions to me. "Perhaps it�s because of an old vendetta against you from Sunnydale. At any rate you need to come with us, Mr. Harris."

I doubted that first part held much validity; the only big bads in Sunnydale that knew I existed were Spike and Angel. Spike wouldn�t bother coming after me. And unless something�s changed since last I saw that motherfucker, Angel wouldn�t bother either.

"Okay. But I need you guys to do something first," I said.

I stepped to the side of the doorway and waited quietly. After a moment Gunn walked into my apartment, then Wesley. Satisfied, I knodded. "Let me get a few things."

"I don�t think we have time for that," Wesley said.

I looked at Gunn and he dipped his head. I wanted to bring a change of clothes; I didn�t want to be running around LA in an over-sized black Linkin Park tee shirt and badly faded baggy blue jeans. But if Gunn agreed the situation was that bad� Wesley caught the silent communication and his glance danced between Gunn and me, more curious than ever. I took enough time to turn off the TV and grab my backpack.

"So," I said when I joined Wesley and Gunn on the porch, my back to them as I closed and locked my door, "where we going?"

"To our agency," Wesley answered when we started walking. Gunn and Wesley kept me sandwiched between them as we walked along a narrow, dirty sidewalk between the other bungalows of my court that led out onto the street.

"Your agency? The Watcher�s Council has a LA office?"

"I am no longer employed by the Council," Wesley replied coolly, but I still heard a pained hitch in his guarded voice.

"Whoa. Sorry to hear that." I really was.

"Yes� Thank you," he said.

"What agency do you two work for?" My query was inclusive but I turned to Gunn and expected the answer to come from him. Wanted it to come from him actually.

The last time I saw Gunn he was slaying vampires the hard way with his sister and a small army of street kids from his neighborhood, and he was waging the battle not too far away from where I lived. It was hard to believe Gunn would go executive between now and then. He struck me as a real hard case, like Faith. Only without the sociopathic tendencies.

"Technically, I work for him," Gunn said, pointing at Wesley. And okay now I�m really trippin�, because there�s no way Gunn�s working for Wesley Wyndham-Pryce!

"Really?" I asked, skeptical.

"Yes," Wesley replied. Either ignoring the doubt I expressed or he didn�t pick up on it. My money was on the former. "But my position is a recent occurrence at AI."

We emerged from between the rows of Bungalows and were approaching the street. I recognized every one of the cars parked by the curb except for a black convertible with its top up. I could see the silhouette of someone sitting behind the wheel.

"AI? Weird name. What kind of agency do you run?"

Wesley and Gunn exchanged a look.

�We operate a detective agency of sorts that�" Wesley hesitated.

"Helps the hopeless," Gunn finished.

"O-Kay," I said with utter incredulity. I took some comfort in the fact that Gunn and Wesley seemed embarrassed by how ridiculous that sounded. It was at this point I heard one of the doors to the Convertible open, and I looked to see who was getting out. I stopped dead in my tracks and I don�t know what happened after that. I lost it.
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I'll Never Love You