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The Silent Urge Series	By : Druffine Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > Slash - Male/Male > Spike(William)/Xander > Spike(William)/Xander Views: 25061 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
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Part A Gotta Get Away

Chapter 07 - Awakening

~ Xander ~

I wake up midday to the sound of my parents fighting. I try to block it out as usual.

The events of the past two days come crashing back and suddenly I think it was just one of my daydreams again. The complete �Princess in danger gets saved last minute by knight in shining armour� theme. God, when did I get *this* pathetic?

Why would anybody come to save *me*? It�s not like I could offer something � save-worthy, can I?
I wrestle with myself whether I should open my eyes. If I open them I am confronted with the reality. It could be that Spike lies only a foot away from me, sleeping peacefully and waking when the sun sets to get us both out of here to the new place and the new jobs. Or it could be that Spike is not here at all or tied to the chair and Dad never got me, so Spike never pitied me�

Fucking coward! Face it!
My eyes open very, very, very slowly and my gaze fixes on high cheekbones of a

� the most �

beautiful face.

Spike.

In my bed.

Less than three inches away from me.

Whoa.
I want to shut my eyes again but my gaze is captured by the long dark lashes. He has really long lashes. I begin to study his handsome features, I am drawn to the full lower lip but why should I stare at his mouth? Pink pouty lower lip, hmmm. I shouldn�t watch his lips, I should, well, there! A manly scar! Men show other men scars. Totally okay to look at scars. So I let myself look.
My fingers begin to twitch when I admit to myself that I want to know, if the skin feels different there. Different from the skin of his cheeks or his lips�

I wonder if the scar is still there if he goes all grrr�
WHOA! Can he read my mind?
~ Spike ~

The fight of the whelp�s parents woke me nearly fifteen minutes before the boy began to stir in his sleep. Supernatural hearing can be a curse!
I studied the innocent face until I had memorized every line, every curve. The last minutes I have just been lying here and enjoyed his warm breath ghosting over my skin, increasing the sensation ten-fold by closing my eyes and only concentrating on the soothing in � out � in � out � in�

I feel him opening his eyes and wait for him to scramble away.

He doesn�t.
He has to think I am asleep and takes the chance to study my sexy face.

Don�t grin. Don�t grin. Don�t grin.

Have to grin, have to grin or� real face to the fore.

What do you do now, Harris?

Face to face with a demon.
~ Xander ~

Game face.

I wonder if it is his true face.

And the scar is still there. Larger and looking even more rough than before.

These vampire bumps and ridges are really impressive.

Intimidating.
I listen to my body for any sign of fear or disgust but nope. No fear. No disgust.

It�s just Spike.

Women put make up on and he has this. Not a good comparison. This is far beyond the possibilities of make up.
Are the ridges like� shock absorbers for protection or built-in bone for using them weapon-like for headbangs? Are they sensitive or numb? Even if Spike would tell me, do I have the nerve to ask? Would Spike let me touch them? Is the skin now taut over the bumps still smooth or more like leather, rough and dry?
Unstoppably my gaze is back to his lips. They�re slightly parted and the white tip of one fang is barely visible. I repress the urge to spread his lips with my fingers to explore more of the deadly fascinating teeth.

Tracing the single hard lines with my eyes and regrettably not with my fingers or my tongue � in an absolutely Watcher-like interest � I get sleepy again.
~ Spike ~

My boy is surprising me again.

No scrambling away, not even the slightest hitch in the heartbeat. No fear.

I would be impressed by his courage if I had NO FUCKING CHIP IN MY HEAD!

Fangless.

William the Bloody Tame Vampire.

What a joke.
I wish I could risk opening my eyes to see the expression in his chocolate orbs. Would I find trust or disgust? Pity most likely.

His heartbeat and breathing slows down again.
The boy has balls, just going back to sleep mere inches from a monster when your instincts should scream at you to run away as fast as you can.

Maybe, living with a monster for a father for your whole life does that to you.

And here we are again. Full circle. Fuckihip hip in my head means no revenge for my boy by my own hands or fangs. And he so deserves it. I�ll figure something out. Angelus would run screaming if he were the aim of my revenge. The whelp�s creator will go down so hard�
In � out � warm breath flooding my skin � in � out � warmth seeping in my skin � in � out � wonder if the whelp would mind me getting a little closer? � in � out � I would wake before him anyway and he would never find out� - in � out � god, he is so hot�
~ Xander ~

I wake up when something persistently tickles my nose.

Opening my eyes without hesitation now that I know Spike will be there and the whole thing wasn�t some figment of my mind I look into a sea of white blond waves.

Huh?
I inhale the scent of cigarettes, leather and a decent hair gel deeply.

Spike scent. Save scent.
Slowly I start to recon the location of my body parts.
The weight on my shoulder is Spike�s head which is tugged under my chin.
The weight on my waist is Spike�s arm, holding me firmly.

My arms are wrapped protectively around Spike�s shoulders.
One of his legs is between mine,

my foot is sticking behind his calf

stopping the leg from slipping away.
Full body tangle.
Whoa.
Cuddling with Spike.

My heart starts pounding in my chest but I don�t move.

This is good and frightening and safe and threatening and�

~ Spike ~

Anyway I would wake before the whelp my ass!

He is having a frigging heart failure!

I have to move before he loses it completely and starts screaming like a girl.
~ Xander ~

Spike begins to move and I feel the hard ridges smoothing out against my neck.

He must have been very deeply asleep to forget it�s me, he shares the bed with.

His hand slides from the small of my back up over my shoulder down along my arm to my wrist.

*Goosebumps all over my body*

Gently he lifts my arm up and lays it on my side so he can scoot away from me.

White blonde curls caress my chin while he pulls back.
Blue eyes open and meet mine.

Sleepy baby blue eyes.

Cute.

Cute?

Definitely cute.

He smiles a tiny bit and I reciprocate shyly.
~ Spike ~

When I look into his eyes I have to suppress a gasp.

His eyes sparkle like whiskey lightened by the setting sun.

Sensual.

Warm.

Caressing you to the core.
It fills me with indescribable joy to see him like this again.

Carefree.

Hopeful.

Xander pure.
The Big Bad doesn�t do goofy grins so I gift him with a tiny but true smile.

And he smiles back, gazing at me shyly through lowered lids.

No � the longing whimper is hidden with a casual: �Sorry �bout that, mate. Was cold.�

Who am I kidding?

I am *burning* inside.
~ Xander ~

Huh? Thought, vampires couldn�t get cold.

�Alright.� I whisper and turn to lie on my back.

And I am able to breathe again.

That�s an advantage.

Spike does the same.

Together we stare at the seedy ceiling.

He is still lying on my arm. I don�t mind.
�It�s 4 p.m.� I state for the lack of something better to say.
�Sun�s down in three �ours � then we�re outta �ere.�
�Yeah.� Goodbye seedy ceiling.
�You want to go with me?�

I�m not as stupid as everybody thinks. I get this question.

He is asking if I *want* to go with him.
Do I? Want to go with Spike? Move in with him? Have a job he chose for me?

I have five hundred dollars in my bank account. I could find a place on my own.

I could ask Willow or Giles to take me in. I could do it on my own I realize suddenly.

My savings would give me some time to find a new job. With a job I can hold my own.

Do I really want to go with *Spike* of all people?
~ Spike ~

I am losing him.

Loneliness is slamming into me,

shattering my insides

and grinding my heart into thousands of pieces of broken glass.

I have to close my eyes to keep in the tears.
Come on tell me

Make this all go away

You make this all go away

I'm down to just one thing

And I'm starting to scare myself

Make this all go away

You make this all go way

I just want something

I just want something I can never have

I just want something I can never have

Think I know what you meant

That night on my bed�

(Nine Inch Nails � Something I can never have- STILL 2002)

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- 6
- 7
- 8
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The Silent Urge Series