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Know Who I Am	By : Paigie Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 4757 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
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Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
I can’t sit still at all, and it’s starting to annoy my mom. When she got home from work she was very suspicious because I already had all of my homework done, and the reading that I’ll need for tomorrow. Then I asked her if Faith could eat over, and she said yes with a very big smile. Then I told her that Faith is bringing a guest but I didn’t tell her who. I don’t know if it being a surprise is a good idea or not.
I don’t really know how my mom feels about teenage mothers. There are a total of three in Sunnydale. That I know of at least. There are a lot more in LA, and whenever we’d see them at the mall she’d smile at the cute babies, but she never said anything. What if she doesn’t want me around Faith because she had Sam so young? No, that’s stupid. The only way my mom would get pissed off about teenage pregnancy is if I got pregnant young.
The doorbell rings and I jump. It’s a little insane that I’m so nervous. I just really want this to go well because if it does then Faith might actually want to move in, instead of just moving in because of the vampires. If it doesn’t go well and my mom freaks out I have no idea what I’m going to do. Probably sit in my room and cry. Yeah that sounds about right.
“I’ll get it,” I say in a rush so I don’t think my mom really understood me. I jump up and force myself to walk towards the door. I really don’t want my mom thinking I’m a total freak, and I know she’s going to be asking me what’s wrong when Faith leaves. Hopefully I’ll be able to come up with a good lie. I open the door and see Faith looking extremely nervous. I look down and see Sam sucking on her thumb and she looks a little scared.
“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Faith says, and she sounds really freaked out. “Your mom is cool and all, but are you sure she’s this cool? Seems like everywhere I go in this town people are damning me to hell ‘cause I got a three-year-old.” I try not to smile at her nervousness. Seeing her so freaked out is actually making this a little easier. For me at least.
“Faith everything is going to be fine. My mom really likes you, and that’s not going to stop when she finds out about Sam. She’ll probably like you more because you’ll have stuff in common.” She gives me a skeptical look and I slowly take her free hand. “And besides we’re not from Sunnydale. We moved here from LA, and my mom runs an art gallery. Her mind isn’t exactly narrow.” She looks a little calmer now and I give her hand a gentle squeeze.
“Buffy, what’s taking you so long?” I hear my mom ask. She’s walking towards us. Crap. I kinda wanted to have some control over the introduction. But now I don’t. Ok, just stay calm. “Faith, you’re a little early. Don’t worry, it’s a nice surprise.” Faith looks like she’s going to run. Hopefully she won’t because if she freaks and bolts now she might leave Sunnydale and I’d never see her again.
“Oh,” my mom says and she sounds very surprised. I take a couple of steps back and look over at her. Surprise is all over her face, but I don’t see any anger or anything. I glace at Faith and I can tell that if my mom doesn’t say something soon she’s going to have a nervous breakdown or something. “Who’s this?” My mom has a big smile on her face now, and Faith doesn’t look as freaked.
“This is my daughter, Sam,” Faith says and looks down at the little brunette. I look down at her too, and she looks scared. She looks at me, then my mom, and then she starts crying. Are we really that scary? Faith picks her up and Sam instantly wraps her little arms around Faith’s neck and hides her face in the crook. I must be insane because I’m actually jealous that she gets to do that and I don’t. “She’s really, really shy. Gets it from her dad.”
“That’s ok, dear. I’m sure I’d be uncomfortable too if the spot light was on me. Come on inside.” We move back and Faith grabs the bag that’s by her feet and walks inside. Sam isn’t crying as hard as she was before so hopefully she’ll calm down soon. Faith didn’t tell me that she’s really shy. Then again Faith didn’t tell me that much about her. In fact, when she ‘laid down the facts’ she just repeated what she told me before. But I’m not going to get mad at her. That would be stupid.
“Why don’t you girls sit in the living room while I finish making dinner?” It’s said as a question but I know it isn’t up for debate. So we go into the living room and sit down on the couch. Sam isn’t crying anymore but she hasn’t emerged from her hiding spot. Faith and I are both quiet and things are starting to get a little uncomfortable. Ok Buffy, think of something to say.
“Did you walk over here?” I ask and I sound a little more upset then I wanted to. I know that Faith doesn’t have a care. She told me she likes walking because it helps calm her down or whatever. But did she really walk all the way over here with Sam when there’s a cult of vampires in Sunnydale that’s turning little girls? I don’t care if she’s a slayer, that’s just stupid.
“No. Tanner had his break so he picked me up at the room, and dropped me off a couple houses down. I told him about Saturday and he thinks it’s a good idea.” Saturday? What’s happening on Saturday? Oh! Right, I said they should have dinner over here. I’m sure Mom will love it. I’m not being sarcastic either. My mom has a soft spot for Faith, and now that she knows Faith has a baby she’ll want her to come over a lot more often. I don’t know what she’ll think of the boyfriend. I haven’t met him yet so I have no idea what to expect.
“I haven’t asked my mom about it yet. But I’m sure it’ll be fine. She likes having you over.” I smile at her and she looks a little embarrassed. “I mean it. She loves you. I think having you around more often would definitely be of the good. Because when my mom’s in a good mood the world is a better place. And it gets a little lonely with it being just the two of us.” I get a sad smile on my face and look down at my lap.
“What happened to your dad?” she asks in a very soft tone. I look over at her and she has this look of concern on her face, and I’ve never seen anything like it. The temptation to lean over and kiss her is almost too much. I ignore it though and focus on the subject at hand. My dad. If I’m anyone of the teenage stereotypes it’s definitely the ‘I act out because daddy doesn’t love me’.
“He lives in LA still. My mom kicked him out after she found out he was cheating on her with his secretary. They were separated for about a year before they got divorced.” I stop talking, and Faith says something but I’m not paying attention. It’s probably something like ‘I’m sorry to hear that’ or one of the many other clichés people say when I tell them. “The worst part is I think being called is what made it so easy for him to leave. He didn’t fight for me at all.”
“Don’t think stuff like that,” she says and her very serious tone makes me look up into her eyes. “If he spent ten minutes in a room with you he’d love you. Other stuff just gets in the way.” Ok so is she saying this just to comfort me, or does she really mean it? She looks so sincere that I want to believe her, but if my dad really loves me then why doesn’t he call, or visit?
“Girls dinner is ready.” I look over and see my mom standing in the doorway. Oh God. How much of that did she hear? I don’t want my mom to feel guilty for moving out of LA. If she wants to talk to me about it I’m sure she’ll bring it up later. Anyway, we got into the dining room and take our places at the table. Faith puts Sam down in the chair next to hers. There’s already a plate and stuff because I told my mom Faith was bringing a guest.
“Dinner looks great Joyce,” Faith says and I smile a little bit. I watch Faith without it being too obvious as she makes up a plate for Sam. She gives her two slices of pot roast and they’re not small slices either. She cuts them up into small pieces and there’s a pretty good sized pile on her plate. Then she gives Sam some carrots but no broccoli. Hmm, for some reason I think I should remember that.
“Thank you Faith.” We’re quiet as we fix our plates. Things are a little awkward but I’m sure once the conversation gets going that’ll go away. “So are you and her father together or…” She just lets the sentence hang there, and I was wrong. Things are definitely more awkward now than they were before. At least for me they are. My mom and Faith are fine. I just really don’t want to hear about this.
“Yeah. We’ve been dating for about four years now.” Wow, that’s a really long time. That’s almost too much to comprehend. I guess I never really thought about their ages until just now. Faith said they were together for almost a year before Faith got pregnant, and she had Sam when she was fifteen. That would be like me still being with the guy I dated in my freshmen year of high school. That would suck. “It hasn’t always been easy, but he’s a good dad.”
“I can’t even imagine how hard it must be. I was in my early twenties when I had Buffy, and I felt completely clueless.” I really hope this doesn’t turn into a conversation about embarrassing moments from my childhood because it has the potential.
“It feels that way most of the time. I’m just lucky I had Tanner’s parents helping me. I have no idea what I would’ve done without them.” But why did she need them? She still hasn’t told me anything about her mom and dad and I’m trying not to feel hurt but it’s hard. I’ve opened up and she hasn’t. I think it’s her turn to share if you ask me. “The hardest thing so far has been potty training.” Oh fuck.
“Buffy was a dream when it came to potty training.” Why doesn’t Giles ever call with a big demon emergency when something like this is happening? How fucked is that? “I could never get her take a nap though. Even when she was a baby she would scream her head off before she’d finally just pass out. By the time she was three I had completely give up.” That wasn’t as embarrassing as I thought it was going to be. I hope it stays that way.
“What was it like living in Boston? Have you ever been to New York? I’ve always wanted to go there.” I haven’t, but a change of subject would be really good at this point. I don’t want my mom to remember something really embarrassing. I may not have a shot with Faith but I still have a little bit of hope.
“It was alright. It gets really cold in the winter and sometimes we’d be snowed in for a day or two. Our furnace sucked so we had to find other ways to keep warm.” She looks at me and winks. Oh my God. Did she really just make that kind of innuendo in front of my mom? This is like totally beyond screwed up.
“I’ve been to Boston a couple times on business. I didn’t get to see much of the city but what I saw I loved. I wanted to move there for a while but when you have a five-year-old who just started kindergarten your priorities change.” I stop cutting my slice of roast and give my mom a ‘what the hell?’ kind of look.
“Sorry to disappoint you,” I say and she looks at me with this regretful expression. I think she just realized exactly what she said and how I’m taking it. Good because that did sting a little. I feel unwanted enough as it is without her saying something like that.
“Honey, I didn’t mean it like that. Moving to Boston would have been way too expensive and when you have a child to think about you can’t just change your life on a whim.” Oh God, please tell me she didn’t say that. I look over at Faith and she’s trying as hard as he can to hide the hurt my mom’s words caused, but I can see it. “At the time your father didn’t have a job, and there were no positions available for me at any of the galleries. Now if I had someone sending me a check every month to pay for rent and groceries every month like you and Faith have then things would’ve been different.” Hold the phone.
“What do you mean by ‘like you and Faith’? The Council is sending me money? Why did I not know about this?” I don’t sound mad just really, really confused. This whole time I could’ve been going on monthly shopping sprees but that hasn’t happened. So what is going on? I watch my mom carefully as she takes a drink of her water. She’s stalling.
“The Council sends me a monthly check that helps me pay for the groceries. At first they were written out from the state and I thought it was coming from a program for single mothers, but I guess they know you told me about the slaying because they’ve dropped the façade.” Oh. Well if she’s using it to buy groceries then that’s ok. I won’t admit this to anyone but I do eat a lot because I’m a slayer.
“Mommy.” I hear a very tiny whisper and if I didn’t have slayer hearing I know I wouldn’t have heard that. I look at Sam and her little hand is on Faith’s arm and she’s squeezing it a little. I think she’s trying to silently get Faith’s attention. Jeez this kid really is shy. “Mommy, can I have juice?” I smile a little bit but I’m trying not to look at Sam. I’m afraid she’s going to start crying again. Her voice was louder that time, and even my mom heard her.
“I have some apple juice in the fridge if she can drink that,” she says to Faith. Woe, hold up. We have apple juice and I didn’t know about it? Anyway, Faith nods her head and my mom looks at Sam. She doesn’t look as nervous as she did before, so I guess she’s getting used to us. “Sam, would you like some apple juice?” I hold my breath in anticipation of what Sam is going to do. Earlier she cried because we were looking at her, and now my mom is talking to her. This might not end well.
“Yeah, please.” Or she could be the most well mannered kid I’ve ever seen. My mom gets up and goes into the kitchen. Sam starts eating her food again like nothing happened. She’s almost done with the roast, but she hasn’t touched her carrots. I wonder if Fait is going to let it slide. My mom always made me eat the vegetables when I was little. It sucked.
“Your mom is so cool,” Faith says and she has this very relieved smile on her face. I can’t help but smile too. “Sam, is Mrs. Summers cool?” The little brunette nods her head yes kind of like one of those bobble head things, and keeps eating her dinner. “I thought your mom was cool before but I really didn’t think she was going to like me after I told her about Sam. None of the parents back in Boston wanted me hangin out with their daughters. I guess they thought I was going to corrupt them or something.” I want her to corrupt me. Wow, I really didn’t mean to think that.
“That sucks. My mom isn’t like that at all. Before she found out about the slaying she might’ve been a little cautious but that’s when she still thought I fell in with the wrong crowd and burned down the school gym because I thought it would impress my friends or something.” Faith nods her head and pops another carrot in her mouth. She really loves her veggies. If Faith were my little sister I’m sure my mom would be grateful for that.
“Here you go, Sam,” my mom says when she walks into the room. “Sorry it took me so long but I wanted to find this.” She puts the cup down in front of Sam’s plate and I can’t help but glare. What does my mom think she’s doing? That’s my Miss Piggy cup. Now is she going to find my Kermit the Frog plate, and Fozzie spoon? This is bull. Faith’s kid is cute and all but those are my memories. “Buffy’s always had an obsession with the Muppets. I have the entire collection somewhere in the basement. But that was in one of the cupboards.”
“I loved the Muppets when I was a kid.” I don’t think I’ve ever heard Faith sound so excited. It’s really cute. “I had a bunch of the stuffed animals, and I would pretend they were real and do scenes from the show.” She looks a little embarrassed but I think that’s really cute, and there’s no way I’m going to tease her about that. Besides if I do my mom will tell some embarrassing story just to get back at me. Or worse, she’ll pull the photo album.
“And don’t you just hate Fraggle Rock? Those creepy things gave me nightmares. They were like Muppets on crack or something. Just because the Muppets were the coolest thing ever it doesn’t mean every Muppet like thing is going to be a success.”
“I know. That’s just like those stupid Snorks or Snerks, or whatever they were called, trying to copy the Smurfs. They were like ‘ooo we’re so cool. We live under water and have tubes growin out of our heads’. Those little freaks should’ve been shark bait.”
“Totally. And how cute were the Paw Paws? I don’t care if they were stereotypes, they were so cute. And how awesome was the totem pole?” Faith leans a little closer towards me, and she’s resting her wait on her elbows. Now that I’m thinking about it I’m doing the same thing. Our food is probably cold now but who cares?
“They were cool.” Notice how she said cool and not cute? I don’t think Faith uses words like cute. So I guess she’s using cool as a substitute. So cool means cute and cool in Faith speak? That’s good to know. “But I like the Pound Puppies better. I would watch that show and think ‘man I want a dog like Cooler’. But my mom never let me get one.” Aww, that’s so sad. And come to think of it my mom did the same thing.
“I begged my mom for a dog until I was twelve. I guess I realized if I didn’t get one by then I wasn’t ever going to get one. I wanted one that looked like Peg from Lady and the Tramp. Now she was cool. I would rewind the tape and watch the dog pound part over and over. Poor little Nutsy. Why did he have to be put down?”
“I always used to get all teared up at that part, but you’re right Peg is cool. Peggy Lee has a wicked voice. I have one of her albums if you wanna borrow it.” Oh my God. We like the same cartoons, and we hate the same cartoons. We both tear up when Nutsy gets put to sleep, and we’re both fan of Peggy Lee. It’s official, Faith and I are soul mates.
“Yeah, that would be great.” I look over at my mom and she’s trying really hard not to smile. I guess Faith and I went to our own world just now. That’s perfectly ok with me. “Mom, do you think it would be ok if Faith comes over for dinner on Saturday? You’re not busy, are you?” If she finds out I already asked Faith over she might get mad. She’s weird like that.
“I’m not doing anything this weekend expect sleeping in. Faith, you’re more than welcome to come over any time you want. If you’re boyfriend isn’t busy maybe he can join us. It would be nice to have more than just us girls.” Is my mom saying what I think she’s saying? Because if so: eww.
“He has Saturday off and I’m sure I can convince him to come with me. And trust me on this one Joyce, he’s a bowl full of eye candy.” Holy fucking shit did she just say that to my mom?! I look over at my mother and she just has this little smile on her face. She isn’t scolding Faith or anything. So she was saying what I thought she was saying. Ewww. I really hope Saturday isn’t this awkward or I might die. And I really, really hope Tanner isn’t a bowl full of eye candy or I might not be able to hide my jealousy. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.
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Know Who I Am