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A Mile in My Shoes	By : NeenaVarscona Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > Slash - Male/Male > Spike(William)/Xander > Spike(William)/Xander Views: 4136 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 5
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- 7
~~~~~
Buffy stirred in her sleep, feeling stiff and sore and chilly. She cuddled up against the warm mass behind her, and the mass put its arm around her waist and pulled her in closer.

Giles.

Buffy smiled and absently stroked his arm with her fingers. The cold wasn�t so bad. And she had a feeling a little exercise would work out the stiffness.

Speaking of which�

It seemed they�d both woken up with one thing on their minds. Buffy wriggled her bottom against Giles� �stiffness�, and guided his hand along her body so he could feel her own.

�Good morning,� Giles muttered and nibbled at her earlobe.

�Sure is,� said Buffy, humming happily as he gently stroked her. �Tell me, do you always wake up this�happy?�

�Not always,� he replied. �But I�m feeling particularly inspired this morning.�

�Really? I couldn�t tell,� she said.

Giles chuckled, his hot breath puffing against her neck, giving her goose bumps.

�Is there something we should be doing about it?� she asked innocently.

�Normally I just take a cold shower��

�A shower would be nice. But not a cold one,� she said, shivering dramatically.

�Well, you know where the shower is,� said Giles.

�Apparently you keep the best one hidden. I wanna use that one,� she said. �Of course�I could get lost trying to find it. I think you�d better come with me to show me where it is.�

Giles grinned wickedly and they both clamoured off the couch and raced up the stairs to his loft. As she passed through his walk-in closet leading to the secret washroom, Buffy stopped and grabbed a fistful of tweed clothing.

�Remind me later to burn all of these,� said Buffy.

�Why? Do you have something against tweed?� he asked.

�Only that it so doesn�t do that body of yours justice.� Buffy gave his tush a shove, nudging him into the little bathroom.

�It�s a tiny shower stall,� Giles warned.

�So we�ll have to squeeze in close,� she answered. �I don�t have a problem with that�do you?�

�None at all,� he said, and shut the door behind them.

~~~~~
Xander wandered aimlessly through the campus after sitting in on one of Buffy�s classes. College was definitely not his thing�it sounded like the Prof. was speaking Greek�no�not Greek, he thought. There would be no more �Greek� thoughts going on in his mind.

Guilt was eating away at him. There was nothing more he could do to make things right with Anya, but he at least owed it to Buffy to try and keep up her studies in case they ever did switch back. He�d taken copious amounts of notes in class and did his best to comprehend what he was writing, but he�d need help if he had any hopes of passing her courses. He could only hope Willow would be willing to give him a hand. He doubted she�d do it as a favour to him�not after Spike outed their dirty little secret in front of the entire group�but she might do it as a favour to Buffy.

He was so lost in thought that he literally ran into Willow.

�Hey, Xander,� she said, picking herself up off the ground and brushing leaves and grass off her skirt.

Xander was ready to bolt, but Willow put a hand on his arm, stopping him. He looked at her, fearing she was about to chew him out, and was surprised to find compassion and understanding in her eyes instead.

�Willow,� he said uncertainly. �I, uh�you�hmmm. Nope. Can�t think of a single thing to say. Does �sorry� even begin to cover it?�

�I�m not mad at you, Xander,� she said, smiling kindly. �If you feel like you�ve got to apologise, you should save it for Buffy.�

�But you�re not mad? After what I did with Spike?� he asked with an equal amount of relief and disbelief.

�No, I�m not mad,� she repeated as if she was talking to a three-year-old. �But I thought it would take you a lot longer to figure it out.�

�Figure it out?� he asked, baffled.

�C�mon, Xan. We all knew you�ve been curious ever since Larry came out of the closet. But I know it goes back even farther than that. Heck, I knew you were gay long before I knew I was gay myself!�

�I�m not gay!� Xander barked, drawing the attention of a happily heterosexual couple sitting on a nearby park bench.

�No?� Willow asked. �Then you didn�t enjoy the smoochies with Spike even a little bit?� She�d hit a nerve, and Xander squirmed uncomfortably under her knowing glare.

�It wasn�t�horrible,� he said at last.

Willow smiled smugly; �I knew it!�

�Keep it down, will ya?� he complained, and led her to the shade of a solitary tree where they could talk without being overheard. �It doesn�t seem right that you knew something about me even before I did. And I�m not saying you�re right,� he added hastily.

�Remember when we rented �The Crying Game�?� she asked.

�Yeah.�

�You didn�t even flinch,� she said; as if that were proof enough.

�That doesn�t mean anything,� he protested.

�And sometimes, when you think nobody�s watching, I�ve seen you checking out other guys� butts.�

�That is so not true! When have I ever done that?�

�Oh, you may hide behind a whole lotta macho talk and girl chasing, but you�ve had your crushes. Let�s see�first there was Jesse. Then there was Angel��

�That�s crazy-talk,� said Xander. �I hated the guy�or don�t you remember me voting him off the island?�

�Then there was Giles��

�Okay, now you�ve officially gone too far.�

Willow grinned; �I knew you had a thing for him when we heard him singing at the Espresso Pump, and you were all��Eww, gross�sexy Giles images in my head!� You might as well have stamped �sexual insecurity� on your forehead.�

�What about Anya?� Xander asked defensively.

�What about Oz?� she countered. �Just because you�ve had straight relationships doesn�t mean you can�t be gay.�

�Sounds like you�re trying to recruit me,� he said.

�No,� she said seriously. �I just want you to know what you really want before you find yourself married with children and completely miserable.� She gave him a sympathetic half-smile, patted him on the arm and left him to his thoughts.

~~~~~
It took every drop of courage Xander had to walk into The Magic Box that afternoon. He had to face them sooner or later, and he figured he might as well get it over with.

He noticed with some relief that Anya had already gone home for the day. Buffy and Giles were all geared up for a bit of training, and Willow and Tara waved at him from behind the counter. At least they were smiling at him.

He approached Buffy slowly, as if his feet had other plans.

�Hey, Buffy,� he started, testing the waters.

�Hi,� she replied, offering him no clue as to how she was feeling.

�Umm�can I talk to you for a minute?� he asked, shifting nervously from foot to foot.

Buffy looked over at Giles who gave a quick nod and went into the training room to wait for her. They�d already discussed how they should handle Xander. Buffy couldn�t in good conscience stay mad at him when she was guilty of doing the same thing he�d done. And on more than one count. But she and Giles had decided to keep their budding relationship to themselves for a while, and that meant keeping Xander and the others in the dark.

�What�s up?� she asked casually.

Xander was taken aback by her laidbackedness. Where was the fury? The indignation? The pummelling about the head and neck with a blunt object?

�I�uh�never got the chance to apologise yesterday,� he said, casting his eyes to the floor. He was afraid to look at her and see what he�d seen in the mirror countless times before�a look of shame and disappointment on his own face.

�What? You mean about Spike?� she said flippantly. �No big. It�s not like you�ve done any permanent damage to my body. You haven�t�right?�

�No,� he said quickly. �No damage done. Your body�s damageless, I swear!�

�Then, like I said�no big. We�re gonna be stuck in these bodies for a long time, and there are�things�that a person needs, no matter what body they�re in.�

Xander grinned broadly, unable to believe he was getting off so easy.

�Just promise�no tattoos, no piercings without my approval, and use a bit of common sense. And by that, I mean condoms. And the pill�don�t forget the pill.�

�Duh! Of course I won�t forget,� Xander said and felt his insides churn. He�d totally forgotten.

�Good,� she said, ��cause if you think the post-slayage urges are strong now, you should feel them when my real hormones are unleashed. So�you gonna join us in a bit of training?�

Xander was sure all his blood had pooled in his feet. Those were mild urges? He shuddered to think how much stronger they might get. He could only pray he�d be able to catch up on the pill-taking thing so he�d never find out.

�Xander?� she asked again. �Training?�

�Yeah�training. Good idea,� he said numbly, and followed her into the converted backroom of the store.

Giles stood waiting by the pommel horse. His smile slipped when he saw Xander coming in after Buffy, but he immediately fixed a new one in its place.

�Xander�so good of you to join us,� said Giles, trying to sound genuine. It was going to be hard to reign in his feeling for Buffy now that the current owner of her body was present.

Xander took off the pink hoodie of Buffy�s he�d put on that morning and stood in front of Giles wearing nothing but a skin-tight tank top and sweatpants. Giles looked at Xander until he realized he was doing more than just looking. He nervously removed his glasses and began furiously wiping them; praying Xander hadn�t noticed the ogling.

�You okay, Giles?� asked Xander, picking up on a weird vibe from the older man.

�What? Yes�fine,� he stammered.

Buffy covered her mouth with her hand to hide her giggles. She could just imagine the twisted mess of thoughts going through Giles� head right now.

�Let�s get started, shall we?� Giles said, switching to business mode. �Xander�let�s start with you. From what Buffy�s told me, your instincts and reactions are fine, so we�ll concentrate on strategy and technique.�

They faced off, Giles coaching Xander on which counter strikes work best against the various types of attack. Xander caught on quickly, and soon they were moving fluidly, in a well-choreographed sequence of attacks and retreats.

�Okay, now I�m going to throw something new into the mix and we�ll see how you handle it,� said Giles.

They continued as before for a while, then Giles snatched a training blade from off the wall and lunged at Xander. Xander reacted instantly and violently, sidestepping the attack then grabbing Giles by the arm and hurling him halfway across the room.

Giles landed hard on his back a few feet shy of the mats. The wind was knocked out of him and he lay still, trying to convince his lungs that it was safe to re-inflate.

Buffy and Xander flew to his side, fighting each other in an attempt to get to him first.

�God, Giles�I�m so sorry,� said Xander, fanning him with his hands as if that might somehow help.

Giles grunted, then gasped in a lungful of air. Buffy sighed in relief (although she wouldn�t have minded doing the mouth-to-mouth thing).

�You okay?� she asked.

�Never better,� Giles wheezed sarcastically. �Give me a hand up?�

Buffy and Xander once again battled to be the first one to get to him, but Buffy won, and with his arm slung over her shoulder, she helped him to his feet.

�I�m so sorry,� Xander reiterated. �I just did what felt right�I had no idea��

�It�s quite alright, Xander,� Giles said with a slight grimace as he flexed his back and neck muscles. �I should have had my padding on�I forgot you don�t yet know your own strength.�

�So we�re finished training, then?� Buffy asked hopefully.

�We are,� said Giles, indicating Xander and himself. �But you still have your training to do. It�s crucial that you�re both combat ready.�

�I don�t see why,� Buffy complained. �Anya said it�d be at least ten years before I have to go back to slaying things.�

�Yes, but in the meantime I�m sure Xander would appreciate it if you kept his body alive. This is the Hellmouth after all�and even if you�re no longer the Slayer, you need to be able to defend yourself.�

�Fine,� she agreed grumpily. �But I expect a big, juicy reward later.�

Giles shot her a warning glare, but Xander obviously didn�t pick up on the innuendo.

�How come you never trained me, then?� asked Xander. �I mean, before I became all Buffy-like.�

Giles paused�he had no good answer to that question. �I suppose I really should have,� he admitted. �If you�d like, we can continue our training once you get your body back. I know it hardly makes up for lost time, but better late than never.�

�You�re on,� said Xander, and he gathered up his pink hoodie on his way out the door.

Buffy waited until Xander was long gone before turning to Giles. She smiled at him playfully.

�It was really weird seeing you fight me,� she said, casually making her way over to him. �It was kind of sexy, too. Is that wrong?�

�Finding two people locked in a sweaty embrace sexy? Yes. It�s very wrong. But not as wrong as my wanting to tear off Xander�s clothes so I could finally see what you look like naked,� said Giles.

�Ooh�you win�yours was way more wrong.�

They smiled at each other like the new lovers they were and Buffy slid her hand up the front of his sweat-dampened t-shirt.

�You should take this off,� she said. �You could catch a chill.�

�Not so fast,� Giles chided, halting her hands as they yanked at his shirt. �Training first. Fun later.�

Buffy grumbled under her breath and trudged off to the mats to do her stretches. Giles watched her as she flexed and stretched, remembering how her new body looked naked and imagining her doing those moves that way now. His mind drifted off to a happy place and stayed there until he became aware of Buffy standing in front of him, arms akimbo and looking amused.

�Is your head okay?� she teased.

�Yes, it�s fine. Just got a little distracted.�

�Uh-huh,� she replied. �You sure you don�t want to skip ahead to the fun?�

He fished out one of the stern looks he kept in his repertoire for just such occasions. Buffy sighed dramatically in defeat.

�So what�s on the menu for tonight�s workout?� she asked. �Do you want to see if I can throw you as far as Xander did? Or will it be jazzercise?� She bounced energetically on the balls of her feet until Giles grabbed her to hold her steady. She was making him dizzy.

�I thought we ought to work on balance and coordination�the areas you�re weakest in now that you�re��

�Guy-ish? Xandery? Sexually re-proportioned?� Buffy added helpfully.

�Yes�all of the above,� he said. �Your centre of balance has shifted from what you�re used to� I think if you can find Xander�s centre, the rest will fall into place.�

�Find my centre�I can do that,� she said confidently.

�I want you to put your arms out at your sides,� Giles instructed and Buffy obediently followed his directions. �Good. Now close your eyes and lift your left leg straight out ahead of you.�

�Easy-peasey,� she boasted, but mere seconds after lifting her leg, she toppled over and banged her elbow against the pommel horse. She cursed quietly and stood up again.

�I don�t think Xander�s body has a centre,� she whined.

�That was only the first try. Do it again, and this time I�ll support you until I think you�ve found your balance.�

Buffy nodded and closed her eyes. Standing behind her, Giles supported her outstretched arms with an almost imperceptible pressure as she lifted her leg off the floor.

�Concentrate,� Giles said softly into her ear. �Focus on your balance�imagine a string running through your entire body, connecting all points in a single knot. Find that knot and keep it steady in your mind. That is your centre.� Giles stepped back and let go of her arms. This time she managed to stay balanced and keep her leg up until she got tired of holding it there.

Buffy opened her eyes and saw Giles watching her with frank admiration.

�Not bad, huh?� she said, beaming at him.

�Not bad at all,� Giles agreed. �Now let�s see if you can put it to use. We�ll try some basic moves, but this time, remain focused on your centre.�

They went through the same routine they�d done in their first session and discovered that Buffy�s performance was much improved. She managed to get through the whole workout without acquiring any new bruises, and even though she was tired, she wasn�t as strained.

When they�d finished training, Buffy plopped down on the couch. Giles joined her, laying his head back against the soft cushions. He closed his eyes and sighed contentedly.

�What�s that God-awful smell?� asked Buffy.

�Us,� Giles replied, and they both grinned.

�How about a hot, sudsy bath?� she asked. �I�ve got a new tub toy you can play with.�

�Amazing,� said Giles. �You�ve only been a man for a couple of days and you�re already starting to think like one.�

~~~~~
Xander read and reread the little pink pamphlet and still had no idea what he was supposed to do. He was so tired�emotionally and physically�that he couldn�t make head or tails out of the stupid instructions. He was starting to think they�d been translated into English from Japanese via French, Tagalog and Ancient Sumerian.

It felt like he hadn�t slept in days, so he logically concluded that it must have been days since he�d slept. And if he hadn�t slept since he became Buffy, then he must have been Buffy for days by now. And if he hadn�t taken a pill since he�d become Buffy�

Xander furrowed his brow in an attempt to do the math. It had to�ve been three days at least�maybe four. He flipped through the little pink pamphlet again, feeling like someone was jabbing him between the eyes with a hot poker. Why did they have to make the print on these things so tiny?

In a fit of frustration, Xander ripped up the annoyingly pink pamphlet and threw it into the wastebasket next to his bed.

Screw it, he thought, popping four little colour-coded pills out of the �discreet and foolproof� dispenser and swallowed them with a gulp of water. He sat on the bed, waiting�as if they might instantly make him feel different. He was almost disappointed when nothing happened.

He looked out the window and watched the sun go down.

Time to patrol.

But he wasn�t about to make the same mistake twice. Digging through Buffy�s closet, Xander pulled out the loosest, least sexy clothes he could find, in the drabbest colours he could find and headed out the door.

The second he stepped outside he knew it was going to be one of those nights.

�Spike. Great,� he said, and pushed past the blonde vampire. Spike strode alongside him.

�We still have some unfinished business, Slayer,� said Spike.

�I�m not Buffy, and we both know you know it,� said Xander.

�True�you�re not Buffy, but you�ve got her body. Way I figure it, this may be the only chance I get to shag a slayer. After all, you were willing enough last night.�

Last night? To Xander it felt like days ago.

�Yeah, well, last night I really wasn�t myself,� said Xander.

�Still aren�t,� Spike reasoned.

�I�m me enough to find you repulsive and twisted and evil. God! I can�t believe I had sex with something that doesn�t even have a pulse!�

�You weren�t complaining last night. As I recall, it was you had most of the fun. I�m still waiting for my dues.� Spike smirked, his eyes glittering in the soft moonlight.

�Get your dues somewhere else�I�m busy,� said Xander, picking up the pace. Spike trotted along beside him.

��S alright,� he said. �I can wait till you�re done.�

Xander rolled his eyes and was about to say something exceptionally witty that he�d practised just in case he ever needed a really good come-back, when an extremely hairy demon intervened.

It reminded Xander of a Wookie, except it had only one eye and a mouth full of razor-sharp teeth that was so large it practically bisected its head.

Xander forgot all about Spike and dodged a paw-full of dagger-like claws that seemed to appear from out of nowhere.

It was a helluva lot stronger than the vampires he�d faced. And faster, too. He used some of his training to set the Wookie up for a fall�and it worked�but it was back on its feet before Xander could go in for the kill.

Its renewed attack was more than Xander was prepared to deal with. He saw a bone-white claw slice through his sweatshirt�felt the hot, jagged ripping of his flesh�and he was suddenly on the ground staring up at the sky as an impossible number of teeth descended towards his face.
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A Mile in My Shoes