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Seasons of Faith	By : norwalker Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 4355 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
Seasons of faith
Chapter 6

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~
Faith was waiting for Buffy to return from school.
They needed to talk. Even after the “drugged Beer” incident, nothing had been really talked about. Things had been going on the way they had been. And that wasn’t working anymore. For either of them.
Willow was gone a lot these days. That , in a way, should have been a good thing. But it hadn’t changed the situation between her and Buffy. Both still seemed to find it hard to talk. To connect. Both seemed to be avoiding each other. The really sad thing was that it wasn’t any one thing you could pinpoint. One thing you could point to and say “ Yeah, that’s it, that fixes the whole problem”. It was lots of little things, which added up to bigger things. Faith admitted to herself that even before Willow was here, there was a …drift. Things were changing. Buffy was being exposed to new things, new ideas, and new people. And Faith felt she couldn’t keep up. Couldn’t share this with Buffy. That she was behind, and falling further behind each day. It was like they were living two separate lives from each other, and they were roommates who happened to be sharing a bed.
And even that had pretty much gone by the wayside. Faith took the blame for that, because she had started it. She had withdrawn from Buffy. She was afraid, if they were intimate, she would see something in Buffy’s eyes she didn’t want to see. Pick up a scent she didn’t want to smell. Or just find Buffy didn’t want her anymore. It was her own fault, but she had been jealous. And afraid. So she prepared herself for the blow that never came. That wasn’t going to come. And now, it was too hard to bridge the gap back. Both had settled into a separate routine, and neither wanted to reach out. Ironically, the closest thing they’d had to intimacy had been when Buffy, as Cave girl, had held her that night. The barriers had fallen, because both were not ‘themselves’. After that night, they had put back up the walls, and had just lived separately.
Faith was afraid that they might not be able to get back to where they had been. That too much time had lapsed, too much had drifted. That the gap was too big to be crossed. Faith had pretty much convinced herself that she was not what Buffy needed. That she was holding her back from realizing her true potential. Maybe they were just too different, too dissimilar to really connect on that deep level they needed. Maybe they had been too young. They hadn’t lived life enough to really fully come to know what they needed, what they wanted. Maybe they had come together because they were two lonely children, lost in the wilds of L.A., clinging to something to make the darkness go away. Maybe now that things had become more secure, they no longer had that need for each other, and nothing had come along to take it’s place.
But, despite all that, something in her, something elemental, didn’t want this. She knew in her gut, her soul, that for her, Buffy was the best thing that had happened to her; would be the best thing that ever happened to her.
I need her more than she needs me. She’s saved me from myself. I dunno what I’d be without her, don’t wanna know. She my everything. Gave me everything. Whatta I give her? Nothin’. I drag her down with me. What can I give her? Only thing I can give her is my love. And she has that, count on it. It’s sounds so sappy, but I can’t stop loving her. Never will. But what good’s that? How can I ask her to settle for that? She deserves it all, everything she wants. And I’ll never be able to give her that. She doesn’t ask much from me. The simplest things. Like , believe in me, trust me. And I can’t even do that? Can’t even give her that? How can I give her everything she oughta have, if I can’t do that? How can I ask her to trust me, if I don’t give it back? How can I ask her to believe in me, if I don’t believe in me? What kind of life can I give her? No life, a miserable life, and I can’t do that. Not if I love her.
There’s no way this won’t hurt. Better I hurt her now, and let her heal, and find a good life. Or, I chain her to me, she has a miserable life, and I hurt her more. And she grows to resent me, hate me. I couldn’t bear that. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just do it? Why can’t I just let go? Why do I have to do this? All the time? It hurts. Do it. It hurts. Just do it, Faith. It hurts!!! It’s like fire, like glass in my guts. It HURTS!!!!
Faith takes in a deep breath, trying to calm the ache. Her breath feels ragged in her lungs. She hears the door, and looks up. There stands Buffy, looking at her.
~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~
Buffy stands, looking at the door to her apartment.
If I don’t open the door, this won’t happen. If I don’t go in there, this won’t happen. If I run now, hide now, this won’t happen.
She won’t leave me. My life won’t stop. I won’t die.
I thought we settled this. Before. When we talked about trusting each other. But she still can’t, or won’t, believe me. That all I want is her. That all I care about is her. I don’t care about stuff. I don’t care if we don’t have stuff. I care only that I’m with her. But she doesn’t see that. She sees only the things she can’t give me, not the things, the important things, she does give me. Love. Respect. The look in her eyes when she sees me, like I’m the best thing in the world. How can I make her believe that’s enough… more than enough. That’s all I ever want. I don’t care about any of the rest.
How can I ask her to believe in me? After so many have betrayed her? Made her feel she was worthless? Have used her, and thrown her away? How can I get through to her that I won’t do that? That if she’ll let me in, if she’ll count on me, like I so count on her, that I’ll be there for her…always? That I don’t care what she’s done, who she’s been… that I care about who she is? The wonderful, sweet woman who has shown me how the world can be. What love means. That would throw her life away if it meant protecting mine. How can I make her see herself through my eyes? How beautiful she is, how special she is. How precious she is?
But I can’t get through. Her walls are too thick. She’s been hurt too much, too many times. She won’t, can’t believe I won’t do the same. It breaks my heart to she her this way. She’ll never be happy( a tear falls) , with anyone(another falls), even if it’s not me(more fall…she brushes them away angrily).No crying, I promised, no crying! I want her happy, even if it’s not with me( more tears, more wiping). But until she lets someone in, she won’t be. And that hurts, most of all.
I’ve failed you Faith. So badly. The one thing I needed to do, I wanted to do, was not fail you this way. I wanted to heal you , baby. Let you see how wonderful the world could be. And I failed. I let you down. Forgive me , baby, I’m so sorry. I couldn’t get through. We can save the world, lover, but we can’t save each other. I’m so sorry.
Buffy reaches out, and unlocks the door. Her stomach is tied in knots, feeling like fire and knives are running through her. She opens the door, walks in and stands, looking at Faith.
~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~
The women look at each other. Neither speaks, but their eyes tell the story.
Buffy walks over to where Faith is sitting. She looks at Faith. Her heart is aching
Faith won’t look at Buffy. She can’t look at Buffy.
Buffy reaches out, to touch Faith’s hair. She stops, and retracts her hand.
“You’re leaving me, aren’t you?” But it’s not a question.
Faith looks up at Buffy. Her expression is bleak. The pain burns in her eyes.
Buffy sighs. Her body feels tired, old, abused.
“ I can’t stop you, Faith. I can’t make you stay. I wish you’d stay. But I can’t force you to stay”
They look quietly at each other. Each afraid to move.
Buffy speaks” One thing before you leave Faith. Please?” Her voice is sad.
“ What?” Faith asks, her voice thick with emotion.
“ Hold me, please? Just one more time. I need you to hold me. Pretend you love me, if you have to, but hold me. I need to feel your arms around me one last time, your body close to me. Please?” Buffy is near tears, her face and her reserve collapsing.
Faith is on her feet. She takes Buffy in her arms, holding her close. Buffy lays her head on Faith’s shoulder. Their breathing is ragged. They’re near tears.
“Oh, god, Faith. Where did I go wrong?” Buffy’s voice is choked, her tears starting to fall.” How did I fail you so badly?”
Faith is just crying. It’s killing her to see Buffy this way.” No, baby, no. You never failed me. Never! I … I …just so wrong for you, love. I never can be what you need. I can never give you what you need. What you deserve.”
Buffy’s body starts shaking in Faith’s arms. “Oh, God, Faith. Don’t you understand? How can I make you understand. I need YOU, Faith. I need YOU” Buffy is sobbing, her heart breaking. Her legs fail her, and she starts to slide down. She is holding Faith by her legs, her voice is breaking up. Faith gets down, and holds her. Buffy leans on her, her body is limp.
“Faith, I need you. If I lose you, I’m going to die. I can’t, I won’t live without you. You’re everything I want, or need. You’re my everything. I need you more than air, I need you more than food. Please. Please baby. Don’t leave me. Please” Buffy breaks down.
Faith feels something break inside her. Her insides feel like they are on fire. Her tears start to flow. She can’t stop them.
“Oh, god, B. I love you so much. I don’t know what to do. I don’t. I don’t understand this. I’m so scared. I’m afraid to love you this much, B. I… don’t know how to love you like this. I’ve never felt this before, for anyone. And it scares me to death. If … you leave me, if I lose you, if you…didn’t love me… oh, god, B. What do I do? How? I’ve…hurt for so long, been scared for so long. I don’t know what to do anymore” Faith breaks down. Something, something important inside, has been broken. Something that needed to break..
Buffy hears it. She knows somehow, finally, she’s gotten through. She pulls herself together, and pulls Faith close to her. Faith is crying in her arms, like a child lost. As she’s been lost for so long.
Buffy holds her, and whispers in her ear “ Just believe, baby. Believe that I need you, like you need me. That I want you, like you want me. That I love you, like you love me. That I would never hurt you. Hurting you would be like hurting myself. I adore you, baby, believe me, believe me”
Faith looks at Buffy. Her eyes are clear. Her walls have crumbled. She looks into Buffy’s eyes. Looking for something. She sees the love Buffy has for her, and her heart starts to beat again. Slowly, her lips seek out the comfort of Buffy’s lips.
The kiss is warm, tender. It's searching for passion, but not forcing passion. Their lips caress, their tongues finding each other’s mouth. Buffy takes Faith in her arms, and still kissing, carries her to their bedroom.
~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~
Buffy begins to undress Faith
With each button she opens, she kisses Faith. Tiny, soft kisses. Faith tries to reciprocate, but Buffy gently stops her.
“No, Baby, this is for you. I need to show you how much you’re loved. Just let me, please”
Buffy continues to undress her, her hands and lips touching each spot where the button, clasp or hook was. Soon, she has Faith undressed.
She pauses, looking at her lover. In Buffy’s eyes, she is heartbreakingly beautiful. She takes her in her arms, and kisses her. Her mouth is gentle, but insistent. Soon, she slides her tongue into Faith’s mouth, the kiss becoming increasingly passionate. She holds her, letting her kiss express her devotion.
She lifts Faith again, and lays her on the bed. Faith is like a child, pliant, soft, and responsive. Buffy kneels by her, and begins to caress her. Her fingers lovingly explore Faith’s body, touching and caressing, making her feel safe, and loved. Faith smiles, her smile is open, trusting. Buffy’s fingers find her intimate spots, and faith lightly gasps. The pleasure is intense. Buffy lays next to Faith, cuddling her. She kisses her again, her mouth eagerly finding Faith’s. Her hands caress Faith’s back and sides, letting her touch warm and soothe her.
Buffy begins to kiss each bit of Faith, from her forehead, to her toes. Her lips are like tiny finger, but softer, and Faith finds herself tingling all over. Her breathing is deeper, heavier.
Buffy begins to suck on Faith’s toes. Faith is in heaven…the feeling is so erotic. Buffy carefully covers each toe with her lips and mouth, and Faith is moaning softly.
Slowly, she kisses her way up faith’s legs, kissing her calves, her thighs. She runs her tongue lightly over each inner thigh, then nibbles on the soft Flesh. Faiths moans deepen, her body responding to the kisses. Buffy moves up, and gently begins to lick at Faith’s soft nether lips. Faith feels her hips begin to buck , her desire building within her. Buffy gently penetrates Faith with her tongue, teasing her by darting it in and out of her. Faith is moving more, her hips squirming. Buffy finds her bud, and lightly licks it, her mouth kissing it. Faith is groaning deeply. Her hands moving to pull Buffy closer. But Buffy bats them away, and begins to kiss up Faith’s body.
Faith whimpers, but Buffy is insistent. Her whimpers soften, then become sighs when Buffy finds her nipples. Buffy suckles on each softly, tenderly. Then she lightly nips at each, getting a squeal out of Faith. She smiles, then pulls Faith up to her. She pushes her thigh between Faith’s legs, and begins to rub it against Faith’s mound. Faith is no longer in control, her body begins to rub against Buffy’s thigh on it’s own
Buffy pulls her close. She rubs her thigh mercilessly against Faith, whispering in her ear” I love you, Baby. I’ll always love you”. Faith lets out a loud moan, she shudders, and clings to Buffy as her orgasm overwhelms her. Buffy wraps her in her arms, and legs, and pulls her close, so their bodies are skin to skin. They gently drift off into a light sleep.
~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~
Buffy awakens a little later, to the insistent manipulations of a tongue. On her nipples. Which are sooo hard
Buffy sighs, and thinks Oh, god, oh god oh god how I missed this. Then Faith bites her, and she moans. God that feels sooo good..
Faith, seeing Buffy is awake, slides up and captures her lips with her own. She kisses the slayer with a warm soft passion, which soon becomes fiery.
She slowly kisses down the blonde woman’s body, nipping, and licking and biting and kissing. Buffy is groaning, her pent up desires beginning to flood through her/
Faith can smell Buffy’s arousal, and it intoxicates her. She moves between Buffy’s legs, and lets her tongue lightly caress over her swollen lips. Buffy throws her head back, letting out a loud moan, her hips squirming under Faith’s sweet kisses and licks. Faith gently slides one finger into Buffy, then captures her bud in her mouth. Buffy is in heaven, her head tossing side to side, her face flushed, her groans becoming louder, and deeper. She feels the fire building in her, her body responding to the long suppressed needs. Faith slips in another finger, and mercilessly pushes Buffy to the edge… then draws her back…then pushes her again. Buffy is whimpering, crying and moaning. She pushes Faith towards her center, and is needing , needing so bad to fall. And finally, Faith pushes her over the edge. Buffy’s mind explodes, her body squirming and bucking out of long denied pleasure. Faith moves up and captures Buffy in her arms, holding her as her body shakes. Slowly, the little blonde goes limp, and her eyes look at Faith with love and affection. Their mouths move together into a gentle kiss. They snuggle together, each happier now than they can remember being. They cuddle, and slowly sleep captures them.
~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~
To be continued
- 5
- 6
- 7
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Seasons of Faith