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What are we gonna do now?	By : norwalker Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 3568 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
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What are we gonna do now?

Chapter 6

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

“ What’s going on here, B?”

Faith looks at the sleeping slayer, and is distressed. She can’t figure out what is happening to her friend…and it worries her. She has never seen this part of Buffy before. Maybe it was just a bad dream, but usually people don’t jump out of bed, frightened of you then try to fight you. It was like, she was there, but not there. And those pills. What exactly is Paxil?

Faith sighs. Looks like a no sleep night. Have to try to find out what these pills are for.

“If I ask her, she’ll just laugh it off…or say nothing. I know it’s not ‘nothing’.

Faith leaves the room, and goes downstairs. She gets out her laptop, and connects up her modem to access the net. She needs to do some research. Now.

She spends the next few hours reading about the drug, what it’s used for, and dosage. Then she looks at the diseases it treats, and finds the one she thinks fits. She reads about it, and it seems to fit what she saw. A frown is on her face.

She gets up, and walks to the window. She watches the sun rising, her mind trying to deal with what she thinks is Buffy’s problem. It’s hard for her. Buffy is so strong… always so strong. She never lets on things are bothering her. How could this happen? Why didn’t we see it? Faith just shakes her head. It’s just too hard to wrap her mind around, right now. She needed sleep to deal with it.

“ I can’t push B on this. I’lve tve to wait ‘til she is ready to tell me” Faith thinks.

Noting the sun is coming up, and Buffy will probably be up soon, Faith moves to the kitchen, to make some breakfast. “ I’ll make some excuse to get a nap after” Faith thinks. She leaves the laptop on the table, forgotten.

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

Buffy opens her eyes, and groans. Damn… another dream. She sits up, replaying it in her head. It isn’t clear now, but pieces come back to her. She looks around, a little guiltily. I hope I didn’t yell in my sleep. That would freak Faith.

She gets out of bed, grabs her robe and toiletries. She stops by her purse to get her prescription, and notes that things are a bit jumbled up. But she just figures what Disneyland yesterday and all, she just kinda got a little sloppy putting things back. She finds the prescription bottle, takes out a pill, and looks at it a second. She wonders who freaked Faith would be if she knew she … never mind, lets not go there, shall we, Buff? Let’s just get through this, and I’ll find a place of my own ASAP.

She goes out and finds Faith working in the kitchen. She grins to herself… Faith’ll make someone a great wife one of these days. She shakes her head, cause she never figured Faith to be so… domestic. She has to chuckle a little. She trots down the stairs, and notes the laptop on the coffee table.

She wanders over to it, and makes a little noise to herself.

“ God, Are we chained to these things here, too? Damn, was hopin’ to get away from them” She lifts the lid.

“Huh? Whatta ya mean, B?” Faith looks over, and suddenly realizes OH SHIT!!!

“ These. Laptops. I thought I left them behind in England. So, what ya lookin’ at?” Buffy teases her a little.

“B!! Don’t look at that” Faith starts over to block B, but it’s too late. B hit the spacebar to bring up the screen.

“ Awww…c’mon, what? Is it some hunky guy? We’re adults here…I hope he’s….” And then Buffy freezes when she sees the screen.

The words “ Post Traumatic Stress Disorder” are across the top of the web page, with an explanation of the disease below.

Faith stands, looking stricken. Buffy turns to her, her neck and cheeks flushed. “ You were snooping?” Buffy asks, her voice quiet, but with a hard edge.

“No…B…I….” Faith stutters

“What is this about then? You went through my purse? Is that it ?…you found these?” Buffy pulls out the prescription bottle.

”No…B…you were having a nightmare, You were yelling. I came in to see what was wrong. I tried to wake you, but you jumped outta bed, and ran to a corner. When I tried to approach you, you started to fight with me. I got you finally calmed down. I was going to get you some water, and I kicked your purse. Stuff flew out, including those” Faith explains. “ I…I was worried, so I …looked them up on the ‘net. I… I … didn’t mean to snoop.”

Buffy is no longer mad. The fight has gone out of her, she stands, slum She She is staring at the laptop screen. “ I … had an episode? Last night? I never remember…” She says quietly, trailing off. She more falls onto the couch than sits, she crosses her arms and curls up.

Faith comes over to Buffy, and kneels in front of her. She can see she is distressed.

“B? It’s ok… nothing to be ashamed of” Faith takes her hand.

Buffy doesn’t look at her. She starts to talk.

“ It started soon after I arrived in England. People say I was talking to myself, though I can’t remember it. I guess I was talking to The First. I don’t know… all I know is that , according to others, it got worse, and worse. People were afraid to approach me… and then…they tell me I went over the top. I grabbed some weapon, started swinging it around. Yelling how I was gonna kill Turok Han…yelling I would get it…the First. That it had to die. I guess I got pretty bad, they say I trashed an entire conference room. I don’t remember. Next thing I remember is waking up in a hospital room, in restraints.” She smiles ruefully, “They apologized, saying it was for my protection and the protection of the Staff. I can only imagine…” and she trails off again.

Faith looks at Buffy, her heart breaking for her friend. She knows how hard this must be for her.

“ Why didn’t anyone know? I never heard about this” Faith asks

“God, Faith. Do you think I wanted anyone to know? Bad enough, Dawn and Giles. I made them keep it a secret. I spent 6 months in intensive therapy, to try to get over it. Mostly, it’s under control. The pills are to help with anxiety attacks. Unfortunately, one of the side effects is nightmares. Which I remember having last night. But not the episode.”

Faith just looks at Buffy, not wanting to interrupt her.

“That’s why I didn’t want to come here, Faith” Buffy continues, “ I…I was afraid I would have another episode. They don’t happen often, but sometimes…” she trails off for a second… then resumes “ I was afraid… I would hurt you. Again. Like I have so many times before” Buffy’s voice begins to crack, and tears are spilling over. “ I…I couldn’t…wouldn’t…want to…Oh God, Faith… If I hurt you again, I would just want to die” Buffy loses it, crying and shaking.

Faith takes Buffy in her arms, and tries to soothe her. She rubs her back. She gently kisses her forehead.

“Shhh…shhh…baby, it’s ok…you’re not gonna hurt me, B. I’m fine…it’s ok” She rocks her gently, and kisses her forehead again.

Buffy looks up at her, and looks up and down her face, searching her face. Then, totally out of the blue, she leans in and kisses Faith.

Faith’s eyes go wide…and she pulls back. She is…surprised doesn’t cover it. It’s totally unexpected.

But not totally unwanted.

Buffy’s eyes go wide…and she covers her mouth, making a moaning noise like “ oh, nooooo” then jumps off the sofa, and runs to the bathroom. Faith runs after her, calling after her, but she locks the door.

“B?…B!…Buffy…It’s Ok… It’s Ok.” But Buffy doesn’t answer.

Faith tries the handle. Locked. She doesn’t want to break it… her friend is wigged enough.

She sighs, and goes back to the couch to retrieve Buffy’s toiletries…she heads back to the bathroom, and knocks on the door.

“B? B… I have your stuff here…I promise, I won’t try anything… just open the door so I can give them to you.”

Faith hears the lock click, and the door opens…just enough so a hand can come out, and snatch the stuff. A brief” Thank you” floats through, and then the door slams closed, and is locked again. Faith stands staring at the door awhile, and hears the shower go on…she sighs, walks away toward the kitchen.

She touches her lips…she can still feel Buffy’s lips on her mouth.

“Oh, boy” she sighs

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

A little later, Faith hears the bathroom door open.

“ Buffy, we need to ….” But doesn’t finish, because Buffy sprints across the room, up the stairs, to her room, where the door closes.

Faith looks up the stairs, and feels suddenly very, very tired. She sighs, and says to herself “ Patience, Faith. She is wigged. She’s had a hard morning…just be patient.” Faith sits on the couch, and her eyes start to close. She’s exhausted. “ I’ll just close my eyes for a second” and she drops off.

She wakes with a start when she hears Buffy on the stairs. She looks up, and sees Buffy descending, carrying her suitcases.

What the hell?

“B…wait” Faith is a bit sluggish, it takes her a second to get up. Buffy by this time is heading towards the front door.

“Buffy…WAIT!” Buffy sighs, and stops, waiting.

Faith goes over to Buffy, and finds herself talking to Buffy’s back.

“Ok, B…where do you think you’re going?” Faith asks, a little irritated.

“ Faith, look. I don’t think my being here is such a good idea. I’m gonna catch a cab and go to a hotel.”

“ B? B! …that’s silly. Why?” Faith asks. “ B, would you turn around? I’m tired of talking to your back”

Buffy turns, her face looking distressed, and a bit guilty.

“Look” Buffy starts. “ I really think it best for both of us if I go to a hotel”

“ And that would be because…?” Faith asks, her irritation increasing

“ Faith, for god’s sake. What if I go psycho and hurt you? Do you think I want that on my conscience? Isn’t it bad enough I already….” And she stops, guilty and confused.

“What? Stabbed me?” Faith asks, exasperated. She touches where the scar is hidden beneath her blouse. “ That’s not gonna happen again, B.”

“ How do you know that, Faith? How?” Buffy’s voice is rising.

Faith grabs Buffy’s shoulders, making her look at Faith. “ Because, that was long ago, in a different time, and we were different people. You wouldn’t do that again” Faith states quietly.

“ How do you know?” Buffy replies, quieter.

“ I wouldn’t let you” Faith states, firmly. “ Now, put down the cases, and come talk to me”

“Faith, I think it best I….”Buffy starts, but is interrupted.

“God, Buffy” Faith loses her calm. “ Just come talk to me” She pulls the pulls the other slayer along, cases and all. She sits her down, not all gently, and takes the cases and throws them across the room.” Now, talk to me, dammit, Buffy. You have time to save the world 7 times, and not 10 minutes to talk to me?” Faith growls at her.

Buffy gets a weird look on her face. “ Why does everyone think that?” Buffy’s voice is flat

“ Gee, B. Don’t have a clue… what? Maybe cause you did?” Faith is still irritated, but wondering where THIS was going?

Buffy looks at her, sadly. “ Faith, I thought maybe at least you would get it” She sighs

Faith is now intrigued. What weird logic is going through the Blonde’s mind?

“What are you babbling about, B?” Faith asks, but her tone is not irritated, gentler

“God, Faith. I nearly …cause of my …failing, hell…I was a big part of the problem. Look, I nearly chickened out with the Master. I wanted to quit. I nearly let Giles get killed facing the Master, because I was afraid”

“ I see…you were 16 years old. You didn’t want to die…yeah, I know about that prophecy…so you got scared. Gee. What a surprise. Funny thing is, I was told you went through with it anyway, and died. That is sorta how I got here, right?”

“ Ok, how about Angel, then? How I slept with him, and he lost his soul? And how he went around torturing my friends, and tried to use The Judge and Acathla to destroy the world. I didn’t have any responsibility for that, I suppose? That wasn’t my fault?”

Faith sighs. “ You were 17, in love. For God’s sake. You made a mistake. You didn’t even KNOW what would happen. Am I right? And seems to me that you stuck around, defeated The Judge, and Acathla, and sent Angel to hell to save the world.”

“ With his soul. He spent 100 years in a hell dimension, with a soul” Buffy is looking at the carpet.

“ And what choice did you have? What choice did Angelus leave you?” Faith counters.

“ The mayor, then?”

“Oh, I get it. You’re responsible for the mayor wanting to become a demon?” Faith makes a noise

“No, but through my actions, I gave the Mayor a powerful ally. One that nearly got him his wish” Buffy states, quietly.

Both women are silent. This is not an easy topic for either of them. Buffy speaks again, after awhile.

“ We had you on our team. Two slayers. We could’ve put down the Mayor faster, but I screwed it up”

“ Ok, Ms. Logic. Explain that one to me”

“ I was… jealous of you” Buffy says, small voice. “ You were so …and everyone liked you, even my mom. And I …I treated you like …crap.”

Faith goes whoa…jealous of ME?

“And …when Alan Finch got killed, did I stand with you? Did I even try to reach out to you? No. I tried to save my own ass, and … I sat there, lecturing you on what YOU should do. Like, I had any right! No wonder you ran…right to the Mayor. After the way I treated you? Why would you think you would get any support?” Buffy sits, nervously picking at the sofa.

Faith chuckles, but there is an edge of bitterness in the chuckle. “ You, were jealous of me. You, who had it all, jealous of some street kid with nothing.”

Buffy stares down “ Yeah. Stupid, huh?”

“ Yeah, pretty stupid. But don’t worry, B. Lots of stupid to go around there. I was jealous of you too. What you had. I thought it came easy to you…you had it handed to you on a platter. And I didn’t want to have to work for it, I just wanted it, free, no strings. And you weren’t the only one looking out for their ass after I killed Finch” Buffy winces. She still feels some guilt on that. “Buffy, I killed Finch, not you” Faith noted the wince. “ You couldn’t have stopped it. I was high on slaying, out of control. No discipline. I shoulda heard his heart. I didn’t. I killed him, I know that. I shoulda stood up there, and taken my lumps. But I was a kid too, and I ran. I went to the Mayor, and he took me in. And I went all evil , cause I wanted to please him. Ok, I admit. One little bone from you woulda done it. But you and I were kids. We shouldn’t have had to do what we had to do. Neither of us is guilt free here, ok? But still, Buffy. You stopped him. You kept him from destroying Sunnydale, and a lot of the rest of the World.”

“ Not without your help, Faith” Buffy states, quietly. “ It was you that saved the world that time”

“Huh???? Now Faith is really floored. “ What the HELL are you talking about?”

“ The dream. In the hospital. After Angel bit me, to save his life. I had a dream with you in it. You told me how to defeat the Mayor… to go after his weakness… his humanity. I used the knife I stabbed you with to anger him, lure him after me till he got in the trap and we blew him up. If not for you, ….”

Faith waves this off. She figures Buffy just had a dream. She had no recollection of such a dream.

“What about Adam, B? The Initiative? That was your doing. You saved the world then.”

“No, not really. I mean, ok I figured it out, somewhat, but without Willow and Tara’s spell…without that, …I say that they saved the world. I was just the vessel. I got the credit, they did the work.”

“ummm…nothing would have happened, if you hadn’t put your brains, guts and strength in it, B. They helped, sure. But you did it.” Faith states. “ I know I certainly didn’t help there” her voice goes low

“ Yeah…body switch” Buffy sighs. “ A secret Faith?”

“Ok” Faith responds, not sure what she means

“ In some perverse way, I’m glad that happened” Buffy states.

“ok… got me. HUH?”

“ I know this sounds weird, but it gave me a chance to see what it was like for you. It made me realize how lonely you were, how lonely you had been all along. Explains when the Mayor was nice to you, you acted like you did. You never had anyone to just love you Faith. And you needed it bad. I saw that just being you for a short time. How you survived it all those years…” Buffy stops. She is a bit overcome with regret.

“ Maybe it was good for both of us. I thought you had a fairy tale life, B. I thought it was all handed to you, you didn’t have to work for it. I found out how hard you had to work. How you were expected to be Ms. Perfect Slayer. That they had all these expectations of you, how you couldn’t let them down. And, how lonely it was . You had friends, sure, but they didn’t, couldn’t get it. They didn’t know how it was to have the whole fucking world on your shoulders. You couldn’t really fall in love. Because you had to hide what you were. God, I started out hating you, ended up feeling sorry for you.

“No need, Faith. It was my life. What’s expected of me” Buffy states, voice flat.

“Look, B. this is pointless. We can go over every action you did. You’ll look at the mistakes, I’ll point out the good stuff. The point is, without you, the world wouldn’t have needed saving 7 times, it would have ended after the first time.”

Buffy gets up, trying to think of how to respond. She sees Faith’s copy of the picture that they took after defeating the first. She goes over, and picks it up.

“This is my point, Faith. Everyone says I saved the world, 7 times. That aint so. WE, all of us, saved the world. If not for my friends sticking by me, if not for them covering my mistakes, and especially, if not for YOU that last time, we wouldn’t be here.”

“ Ok, B. you convinced me. Your nuts. What the hell did I do so special ? I came in and fought some vamps. No big” Faith says

“ You came, when you didn’t have to.” Faith starts to object, but Buffy waves her down. “ You came at just the right time. I was losing it Faith. I was too proud, too stupid to see it then, but I was.” Again Faith starts to protest, but again Buffy quiets her. “ Look, Faith. I was so caught up in protecting them, being a mom to them, trying to be General Buffy, and find a way to defeat the First, that I didn’t see what was happening right in front of me. They were scared, miserable and ready to bolt. First thing, you come in. you size it up, and take them out for a little fun. Hell, I remember being their age. Wasn’t THAT long ago. I shoulda realized that they needed a boost, but I screwed up…and nearly lost them in the bargain.”

“ And when they revolted, and made you leader” Faith really objects, but again Buffy halts her. “ I know, I know, you didn’t want it. HELL, who did? But they were right, and even the scoobies saw it. Even Dawn saw it. I had lost it. I no longer was working from what was best, only what I thought was best. I was being a little dictator, and wasn’t listening to anyone else’s concerns. And they rightly booted me. Ok, I admit. I was pissed, and I was hurt. I’d been doing my best . But I was wrong. I let my pride get in my way. Not until I got over it, did I come back, ready to really be a part of the team”.

“Not before I managed to get some of them killed” Faith is now looking at the floor.

“ Faith, we talked about that. But I didn’t say what I really wanted to , should’ve that day. I gave you some cold speech about war, and generals, and death. What I wanted to say was Thank you, you covered my ass, you did your best, and I was proud of you” Buffy smiles at her co-slayer

“Really?” Faith looks up at her

“ Oh, yeah. Again, stupid pride. But I can tell you, without you this wouldn’t have gone as well as it did. And, that is why I didn’t let you get away with trying not to be in this picture” Buffy waves the picture at her. “ You definitely belonged in here”. Faith blushes. “ If anyone didn’t deserve to be here, it was me. You guys did the work, I just came along for the ride”.

Faith just gives Buffy a look. “ Ok, B. Enough of the humble crap. Lets just face it. We’re two hot chicks with super powers” She deadpans, then cracks up.

Buffy joins her in the laugh, thoberobers up.

“ But, there’s still the point, Faith. I can’t be here, I’m afraid I’ll hurt you.”

“That’s crap, B. That’s not it” Faith is not buying that tale.

“ It’s NOT crap, Faith. I…I ..could go off and do some damage to you…”Buffy stutters, but Faith isn’t gonna let her get away with it.

“Nope, B. That isn’t it at all” Faith smirks at her.

“Really, Oh Ms. Wiseass? Then what? What is it, oh she who knows it all?” Buffy mocks her.

Faith gives her a penetrating look, and smiles

“ You kissed me B. Not a friend-like kiss. But a definite, wicked smooch. And you can’t handle it”
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