Adult-FanFiction.org : Buffy

Truth Denied	By : PervertedPages Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > Slash - Male/Male > Spike(William)/Xander > Spike(William)/Xander Views: 22482 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 56
- 57
- 58
After Xander woke up they spent intense days rewiring Xander's memory. For Ben it was more about finding out about Xander's past, for Spike it was... it was... shocking. Everything he had learned about the boy was coming undone as each conversation they had recreated his past.

They asked questions about his past and he remembered and answered with the past that Ethan had cursed him with, and made it HIS past, he possessed it, he made it, it was his! No more abusive father, no more father at all from what Spike could gather, the man just disappeared from Xander’s history like a light going out in a dark room, not even a shadow to remind Xander that he used to be there. The girls were still in his past, but now he had a gay relationship as his first ever romantic relationship and it was a good one. Healthy, loving, balanced, beautiful, yet ultimately tragic, as he had to have Jesse die the way he did to keep the rest of his future intact.

The rest of his history he kept the same; Jesse was still turned by Darla, still killed by Xander, Buffy still came to the school and saved them, still died a wasted death at the end. His near past also stayed the same, he still stayed away from the slayers, he still had scars, either Ethan's spell didn't let him re-write his entire history, or Xander wanted to keep some pain to give him character, he didn't know and he didn't want to ask.

Spike lay in bed and listened to Ben rattle about the kitchen, then an explosive laugh from Xander. They were talking about something, but he couldn't make it out. He had half a mind to eavesdrop and come in with a little foreknowledge, but he sighed and got dressed instead. He looked down at his still painted nails and debated removing the polish before Xander asked, and decided caution was better than trying to answer awkward questions. He went to his bathroom and got out a ball of cotton and his bottle of acetone and removed the black polish. He considered it a waste, it wasn't even chipped yet, but he felt it was for the best. He flushed the ball down the toilet and came out.

The apartment smelled like breakfast, and it was a smell he could get used to, very easily. He didn't cook breakfast himself, and Xander was an Eggo or two kind of man, but this entire breakfast menu thing that Ben was doing? Was really agreeing with his digestion and was keeping his later meals smaller. He stepped into the kitchen, where Xander was already seated and smiling.

“So, Xander, what do you prefer? Sausage, or eggs?” Ben asked him as he cooked, and Xander lasciviously answered.

“I love sausage, and I love eggs, but right now, I'm a sausage man.”

Ben laughed and put some sausages on. “Of course, of course, but you know, you don't have to eat sausage if you don't want to, just because your boy toy happens to have one is no reason to change your diet.”

“It's a reason to eat a lot of pineapple,” Xander retorted.

“Honey, good sex is a reason to eat a lot of pineapple, boyfriend, girlfriend, or lots of both and in betweens, doesn't matter.” He laughed, and motioned Spike in with his spatula. “Eggs or sausage?”

“I'll go the eggs route,” Spike said, smiling, “Gotta eat 'em before they go bad.”

Ben took the carton out of the fridge and looked it over and the date stamped on it. “You know, I could make a flan or something and use up most of the eggs.” He checked the milk and other ingredients.

“Ben, you don't have to cook for us, you're a guest, and you could go home if we're being pests anytime you want, we're just happy you're happy right now,” Spike said and slurped his coffee.

Ben shook his head. “I can't go home. It's too empty there, too many memories, everything there is... Steven... Steven and I did and picked and bought everything there. It's too painful, I don't know how else to explain it.” Ben sighed and turned off the stove and started serving food.

“I understand mate, I understand. I had a blood sire named Dru. Fuck, she'd make me steal her the moon and the stars and still it wouldn't have been enough. She was... everything to me, everything. I loved her so much. But she was using me, I know that now, so all that... just hurts, all our little memories, everything we used to do together, all those precious things, just hurts. Different reason, but I get your pain mate.” Spike nodded and saluted with his coffee mug before taking a sip. He shot a worried glance at Xander, who seemed wholly concerned with getting food into his stomach, and not in the least paying attention to the conversation.

Suddenly, out of the calm, comfortable silence, Xander spoke. “Spike, you love me, don't you?”

Spike coughed, choking on food, he needed to drink more coffee to gather his composure at the sudden question, he put down his fork. “Of course pet, you know I love you, I tell you every day, I love you Xander.”

“Then why do we sleep in separate bedrooms?” He asked nonchalantly.

Spike was happy he put down his fork when he had. “B-because I sleep in the nude and we haven't slept together yet, in the biblical sense?” He posed it as a question, because he really wasn't sure himself. If it was up to him, Xander would be snuggled against him every night, and never ever move away. But he knew Xander had never ever really touched a man before…. Well, before… but his memory was different now, now he had a past with Jesse and a past with lusting unashamedly about men he found attractive and probably jerking off to those images. His blue eyes widened almost unnoticed as he looked at Xander for his response.

“Oh... and that's my fault. You know... I don't need a marriage, not anymore, I don't think.... Just promise me you won't wander, that we're together....” Xander looked at him, all misty eyed and dreamy, but it looked like some other thought wiggled in. He sat up with a straight back and changed his mind. “No, no, I need some kind of commitment ceremony, I changed my mind. It's too important to me.” He sighed and cleared off his plate in deep thought.

“Spike... can we... can we get committed to each other in Priape's temple? Think of it, we can go right into consummation of the vows...” He waggled his eyebrows lasciviously as he balled up his napkin, heat rolling off him like waves.

Spike smirked and got up, helping clear the table, trying not to shiver in pure want in response. “Would mean the witnesses and the priest would also have to join in pet.” He chuckled at the look of confusion, then distaste on Xander's face.

“Sorry, I just saw my old family preacher, father Batherd, joining us, and got squicked. Okay. But what if we just have a priest? I don't need it legal, just binding. And I bet Priape has binding love contracts!” Xander grinned and leaned back in his seat at the kitchen table, and looked lasciviously at Spike as he cleaned up the dishes and put them in the dishwasher, liking this domestic feel he was getting. He liked this lust burning in his skin and it counter posed with calm domestic bliss, now he knew for sure this was the life he wanted, had been searching for, he finally felt right… Even if he had to bite back a groan of need.

“So you're going from sex with no men at all to sex with two men at the same time?” Spike asked, honestly shocked and trying his best not to drop the dishes, but trying his best to play it off as casual conversation.

“Unless you could be a priest and a person being married at the same time, then that'd work better, because you're right, going from no guys to two guys suddenly is a big thing, and I don't want that.” He nodded and got up, standing behind Spike to hug him and feel his back against Xander’s front. The well-muscled brunet held him against his front, feeling heat building up between them in waves, and shifted his hips so Spike couldn’t feel his arousal poke him in the back, as he thought more and more on their wedding night, with Spike spread beneath him, begging, yearning. He swallowed a whimper.

The smaller man leaned back into the hug and rested his blond head on Xander's shoulder. “I'll look at the scroll, see if there is anything.” He didn’t feel Xander’s turmoil, but he felt safe and warm and it felt good, this was definitely a position he wanted to be in again and again. He felt love for his man building off him and puffing into the air around him, like lust tinted perfume, and hoped it wasn’t too much for him.

Xander clapped and bounced back, laughing, surprising Spike into stumbling back a step. “Thanks Spike, you always know just what to say.” He giggled a little, looking like his old self for a brief flash.

Heat passed between their locked eyes, but Xander’s eyes were soon filled with a bouncing eagerness to know if it could be done with just the two of them, alone, the best way. He ached to be alone with Spike their first time, in private, with no witnesses, so he could be himself. He placed a quick peck on Spike’s cheek in encouragement, and smiled a coy smile.

“It's my years spent doting on my mother and Dru, know how to take care of the one I love.” Spike smiled and stroked his hand through Xander's hair, taming the waves.

“I'm happy you love me,” Xander said in hushed tones. He reached out his hands to touch his fingertips against Spike's chest, feeling the muscle tone there, cradling his heart.

“I love you more than you know, more than you can know.” He smiled and hugged the brunet, his lust and need perfuming the air.

Xander hugged him back. “I love you too Spike, so much my heart just wants to burst.” He nuzzled against Spike and relaxed. Ben coughed politely and made to move out of the room.

“No, wait, Ben, you know that scroll better than anyone,” Spike said, almost haltingly, this was an odd reason to ask and Ben knew everything now. “Is there any kind of wedding or binding or anything like that in there?”

Ben's green eyes shone brightly, like emeralds in his ginger face, he positively glowed. “When two priests marry, there is a ceremony, it's, it's... beautiful; private and super charges the chamber for... for as long as you two live, and it blesses you, giving you life eternal, as long as you two serve Priape. Once you stop serving him, you'll age normally, he's not cruel, you won't turn to dust or anything, but you will age... Do you really... really want to do that? Even Steve didn't want to do that, he thought a marriage in front of Priape would be too binding, he was afraid... my natural immortality would make me want to stray, and with him also given life eternal... it would have killed him.”

He looked at them, as they held each other in their lovers embrace. “You have to think on it, once you enter this pact, there is no going back, no, 'I like Eduardo better', you're stuck.”

Xander frowned and looked at Ben, almost glaring. “We are not stuck! That is a monogamy tragedy, I do not believe in them. If our love life becomes such that we -want- other partners, that is between me and Spike, not between me and you and any god, got it!” Xander was almost fuming. He knew how long vampires lived, he'd had this fantasy for a while, and had made concessions a long time ago about what the future might hold. As long as they were together, that was all that mattered to Xander. Honesty, truth and honesty. “All that matters to me Spike, is honesty, truth and honesty.” He said, holding Spike's hand.

Spike smiled softly and threaded his fingers through Xander's. “Then I give it to you. When shall we do it? In time for the prayer we have to make anyways?” He asked nonchalantly, the week was closer and closer to ending and the new moon was coming closer and closer with it.

“Yeah.” He smiled cheerily. “But I want to wear a tux. My own tux. I've never owned a tux, I've always rented, but for my wedding? I want to own a tux.”

Spike leered. “Can't promise I won't tear it off you, we'll need the services of a seamstress if you ever want to wear it again.” He chuckled at Xander's shocked expression.

“I thought all your clothes tearing urges would go away with your becoming human,” Xander retorted.

Spike chortled, eyeing him up and down hungrily. “More like the vampire in me gave me a better excuse... always found clothes to be an impediment and an obstacle. 'Course could be the era I was from; too many layers and straps and buckles and buttons and all kinds of fiddly bits. They just ended up torn out of my frustrations... then I realized how fun it was. What, you not going to say having someone drooling over you so needily that they can't wait to take your clothes off isn't a turn on, are you?” Spike smirked.

“Okay okay, yeah, that's a turn on, I admit, but it's expensive and a waste on clothes. Least we could do is invest in a sewing machine and stop buying off the rack and start making our own clothes.” Xander said, getting a bottle of water from the fridge and heading to the living room, the rest following.

“You know how to sew?” Ben asked nonchalantly, maybe it was something he learned in his alternate history.

“Willow taught me. You think she got all those fuzzy sweaters and decals on her shirts and other unique stuff from the store? Hell no, we had to make 'em. I'd make some to surprise her, and she'd make the rest, but most of what she wore was stuff I made, she liked it.”

Ben smiled. “You're going to have to show me a picture of your Willow, she sounds very important to you.”

Xander nods, a very faint smile on his lips. “She is... was... I left her, who knows what she thinks of me now.” He took a drink from his bottle, then fingers through his waves, looking decidedly uncomfortable when he looked so joyous before.

“Would you like to invite her to the wedding? Not the ceremony itself, but an after party, we can let her into the club, we do have ladies night, and I can leave word at the door that she's a special guest of yours, and she'll be allowed in.”

“Willow? Here? No!” Xander got up and started pacing. “They can't find me. Thanks for the offer Ben, but... if they find me they'll ask me to fight, and you saw how good I am at that.”

“Alright, alright... just trying to make your wedding day as memorable as possible.” Ben said softly.

Eventually Xander sat down again and sighed. “Thanks Ben, for trying, but my past... I ran away for my own reasons, and I can't go back.”

“But surely she'll want to see you get married and not try to force you to go fighting right away?” Ben asked, trying to understand.

“Maybe not right away... but a fight would happen, and she'd think of me, about how I could help and she'd call on me, and... it wouldn't end right. I already failed the watcher’s council once, royally, I don't think I could survive failing again.”

Ben frowned. “Watcher’s council?”

Xander frowned and ran his hand through his hair again and took another gulp of water. “Yeah, once upon a time, there was only one girl in all the world who had the strength, stamina, everything needed to fight vampires, and the watcher council would find the girls, train them, and send them on missions. Buffy did something and made all potential slayers full slayers, and the watcher’s council has been hopping since, trying to find them all and train them all. They deal with everything that goes bump in the night. They save the world.”

Ben frowned and looked at Spike. “So there IS a police force we could have called for help!” He stood up straight, no longer relaxed and calm, now he felt more accusatory and angry. Spike and Xander could feel the anger rolling off him like waves, his green eyes looked at them with accusations and pure anger.

“Told you I couldn't call them. If I had, Xander would have hated me, or he would have had to leave, and I would have left with him, would you rather I'd have done that?” Spike turned his ice blue eyes to Ben's green ones.

Ben was the first to look away. “No, you're right. You managed on your own anyways, but you could have said something! I was desperate, you know I was!”

Spike turned his head so he was facing Ben. “And that's why I gave you their number when I left in case I didn't make it back. I'm not a fool”

“That was their number?” Ben asked, confused, then he remembered the note, Spike had assumed they'd both be dead by the time the number was used, so the slayers wouldn't have had anyone to pull into a battle later.

“Look, don't call it. Chances are, since this is a hellmouth, they've got slayers on patrol here anyways, just none that know who we are, thankfully, or we'd have been called out by now. We're out of the fight, we're happy this way, right Xan?”

Xander was playing with his bottle of water, looking at the way the water moved in it's plastic confines. “I think... Spike... I don't think the slayers know there is a hellmouth in Newburgh... and unless we want them to come here and ruin everything... I think we've got to take care of it ourselves.”

“Wait, you want to fight? Xander, we were both on the same page on this, we both stepped away from the fight, neither of us has any kind of super strength, super healing, super anything, we're poor piddly happy meals with legs to the next demon that walks by. We're helpless.” Spike tried to get him back to his old mindset, sounding almost desperate, clinging to his arm.

“No, we're not, we know how to fight, we know demons, and with Ben's help, we'll know more, and with the demon bar we've got a great source of knowledge. We can't just sit by anymore Spike, we've got a duty... Thanks to my new memories... I know and accept that now. We don't have a choice. Next dead body is our fault from here on out Spike,our fault.” Xander punched his palm at the last 'our'.

“What if a slayer sees you? What if she has to fight by you? What if she has to save you, and nurse you back to health? You'll be brought back into the fold then.” Spike said.

“Spike, don't you see? We never left the fold, we stepped out to the edges, but as soon as someone you loved was taken, you jumped in. And me? I was a damsel in distress again, and I'd rather fight than be taken captive again. I just... don't want to follow slayer rules and crap anymore. I want to fight on my own terms, for my own stakes.” Xander looked to Spike, whose face was unreadable.

Spike got up and started to pace the length of the living room. Xander watched him like he was watching a tennis match, eyes going from left to right to left again. Eventually he sat, only to get up with a grunt and start pacing again.

Finally Xander said, “If you don't want to fight, you don't have to, I will do it on my own.”

Spike looked over to him with eyes wide with horror. “I'd never ever let you do anything so half brained! You'd be demon kibble in less than a night!” He jumped over to him in half a leap and landed on his knees, skidding to a halt at Xander's seated form. “Promise me you won't ever go out demon hunting by yourself.” He begged, holding Xander’s knees.

Xander looked at him with a gaze of almost pity. “I can't promise that, what if they have you and I'm your only chance to get out?”

Spike gripped his hand and held it to his heart. “Then you find another husband, you leave me to rot. I'm not kidding Xan.”

“And neither am I!” Xander pulled his hand free of Spikes and stood up, towering over Spike. “You don't get to dictate who or what or when I get to fight. That's what Buffy did, that's what the watcher's council did, and you are neither! I am pledging my life, my allegiance, my love and my fidelity to you and you alone, but you cannot ask me to stand by and watch my friends and family be slaughtered because I have no partner! I can and will fight when and if I have to! This is my decision Spike, it always has been!”

Spike looked down, and looked almost defeated, shoulders slumped, head hanging as he whispered, “I'm supposed to be free of the fight, this is supposed to be my reward.”

“Spike, you can't be selfish! Just because you can be hurt now is no reason to stop fighting! It's every reason to keep fighting, because now you have something worth losing. Do you get it Spike? This wasn't the Powers That Be giving you a retirement package, this was the Powers giving you an incentive to fight. Do you get it now?” Xander knelt beside Spike and picked up his hands in both of his and kissed them.

Spike looked at him then gave him a rueful smile, his eyes showing the internal battle still raged, but it was obvious which side had won. “What should we call ourselves then? Not the bloody Scoobies,” Spike grumbled.

“How about Priape's Police?” Xander offered. “Since we belong to Priape, and will be policing from here?”

“Yeah, yeah, that works.” Spike nodded, his pale eyes showing love and devotion, and the startings of a glimmer of fight.

Xander looked at Ben, “I know we have no place to ask you this, but you're the only muscle and demon we know who won't try to kill us as soon as we look away... will you join us Ben?”

Ben pursed his lips. “Depends what I'll be doing.”

Xander laughed, remembering. “A -lot- of research, some fighting, some killing of demons, some dusting of vampires, maybe even avert an apocalypse or three, the usual.”

“Apocalypse or three? Isn't there usually only one of those?”

“You'd think. But every demon has their own way to bring it about, and we should defend our corner from it. You up for it? We need you.”

“Yeah, you've got me. I wouldn't let you out alone after all, and I'm your friend. After this... this thing with Steven, I can't let it happen to anyone else if I have the ability to stop it. Not again, never again. Death by demon should be a thing of the past, not happening now.” Ben spoke quietly but firmly, a single tear falling down his cheek.

Xander hugged him and rocked him. “Thank you, we'll save others from the same fate, I promise, we'll do good. We just need an occult library, and I have no idea where to go for the books that won't charge us thousands of dollars just for a couple.”

Spike snapped his fingers, “Lakshmi, how much you wanna bet, she'll not only let us do our research there, she'll help us research there? Like Giles used to do?”

“Well, we'll ask her, let's not depend on it just yet,” Xander said, but he smiled, they were getting in the spirit of things.

“Yeah yeah, just suddenly excited with all the possibilities,” Spike smiled wide and bounced to his feet.

So we're the new militia group, specializing in demons... we can do this. And apparently we're getting married. Xander simpered. I'm getting married!
- 56
- 57
- 58
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Truth Denied