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Been Here Too Few Years	By : addielogan Category: > Buffy/Spike(William) > Buffy/Spike(William) Views: 18659 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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"Hey, Buffy, I'm
home," Dawn announced as she walked into their apartment. She shut and
locked the front door, dropped her bag on a chair, then went into the living
room, where the sight of her sister made her stop short. Buffy was on the
couch, two empty ice cream containers in front of her as she stared forward at
the television. She was wearing old sweats and a stained t-shirt, her hair
pulled up in a messy blonde ponytail, and her eyes rimmed with red from crying.
"Um,
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you're having a bad day."
Buffy
looked up. "Hi, Dawn. And it was more like a bad night that made me not
feel like having an actual day at all."
Dawn
sat down on the couch. "Bad night? Did something happen with Robin?"
Buffy
shook her head. "Not Robin. Everything's fine on the Robin front.
Something happened with Spike."
"You
saw Spike last night?" Dawn asked, her eyes growing wide.
"No,
he called. We had a less-than-pleasant conversation back at the party, and he called
for the follow-up."
"He
called to yell at you?" Dawn asked.
"No,
to talk. It's just that it was the first real conversation we've had since the
break-up, and it was pretty heavy. More than I could really digest."
"Oh."
Dawn looked down at where her hands were folded in her lap. "I'm sorry for
telling you Eve wasn't going to be there when she actually was. I didn't know.
Spike had said she was still going to be overseas, but I guess she got back
early."
Buffy
shrugged. "That's no big. Besides, I got to spill wine all over her dress,
so it was kinda fun."
"That
was you?" Dawn asked in surprise.
"It
was totally an accident, I swear," Buffy replied, holding up her hands.
"Just, y'know, not an accident I felt sorry for."
Dawn
smirked. "I really don't get what Spike sees in her. I've been over at his
place a few times when she's been there, and she's so obnoxious. She's always
calling people 'kids.' What's up with that? She's like, not even thirty�where
does she get off calling anyone a kid?"
"She
kept calling me 'sweetheart,'" Buffy said. "But it was in this
totally condescending way. Really made me want to slap her."
"Mom
and Giles can't stand her. Especially Giles. Whenever anyone mentions her when
Spike's not around, he starts polishing his glasses and making that clucking
sound with his tongue he does sometimes."
"Really?"
Buffy asked, surprised. "Mom seemed all buddy-buddy with her at the
party."
"It's
an act for Spike's sake," Dawn replied. "He's just really started
coming around again, and they don't want to alienate him by totally hating on
his girlfriend. But Giles is always calling her 'the actress' in this tone that
reminds me of the way people say it in period-piece movies when they really
mean prostitute."
Buffy
couldn't help but laugh, despite her mood. "I can't say I'm not happy to
hear that. I didn't want to, but I felt a little slighted when I thought Mom
actually liked her."
"She
doesn't." Dawn cleared her throat. "Actually, I think they're both a
little disappointed you and Spike didn't make it. Once they both got over the
whole you guys being their kids thing, I think they kind of liked the
idea."
"Really?
Huh."
"If you two are talking again, I hope
you can work things out enough so you can actually be in each other's company
now and then," Dawn said. "I love both of your guys, and it's been
really hard over the past three years to keep you separate. I hate that I can't
celebrate things like Christmas or my birthday with my whole family. In some
ways, it was like going through the divorce all over again."
Buffy winced. "Dawnie, I'm really sorry
about that. I didn't mean for things to get like this, and�"
"I know," Dawn replied, holding up
her hand. "And I understand why you two needed space to begin with, but by
now� Well, I just hope you can work things out to at least be civil. It would
be nice�for everyone."
Buffy realized with more than a little guilt
that she'd never really considered how her break-up with Spike had affected her
family. She knew things had to be awkward for them at times, but not to the
extent Dawn had just admitted to. "I wish you'd said something sooner,
Dawnie. If I'd known you felt that way, I could've tried to fix things."
"It wasn't just you, Buffy," Dawn
said. "Spike's been really, really bitter. Honestly, we were a
little surprised he finally agreed to go to that party, knowing you'd be there.
Mom had to prod him about it for weeks. She kept telling him how disappointed
Giles would be if he didn't come."
Buffy hung her head. "Spike had every
right to not want to see me."
"I'm sure you both had your reasons. I
just want you both to be able to work through them now."
"So do I," Buffy admitted.
"I� I miss him."
"Miss him enough to want him
back?" Dawn asked, her tone and expression hopeful.
"I don't think that's going to
happen," Buffy replied, shaking her head. "Spike and I have been
broken up for three years�that's pretty much dead as far as a relationship is
concerned."
"Not always," Dawn said. She
looked down, tracing an invisible pattern on the sofa cushion for a moment
before she started to speak again. "I never really got why you two broke
up in the first place. I mean, you guys seemed so in love, and then
bam�Spike's moving out and you two aren't speaking."
"We were in love, but sometimes, that's
not enough. We�" Suddenly, Buffy stopped, her face crumbling before she
could get her emotions back in check. For years, she'd resisted talking about
the break-up with anyone, wanting to be strong and believe she'd done the right
thing. Yet after talking with Spike the night before, she didn't think she
could believe that anymore. Nothing seemed "right" at all, and all
the pain she'd tried to bury for three years was bursting through to the
surface, too strong for her to fight it anymore.
"I don't know what happened,
Dawnie," Buffy said through her tears. "We were in love, and
everything was so good, and then it was like we got caught up in something we
couldn't stop. It all just snowballed until it was more than we could handle.
Looking back on it, I don't know if any of it was something we really couldn't have
dealt with if we had worked on it, but when everything hit at once, it seemed
uncontrollably huge."
"So why can't you both work it out now,
when you've had time and distance to put everything into perspective?"
Buffy wiped at her eyes, trying
unsuccessfully to slow the flow of her tears. "Because some things can
never be fixed. When I left�the way I left�it really hurt him. Besides,
we've both moved on now. There's no place left to start over from."
"How do you know? You obviously still
have feelings for him. Couldn't you at least try?"
"I can't," Buffy said, shaking her
head. "I'm sorry, Dawn. I know you liked Spike and me together, but I
can't. There's just too much now, and it can't ever be the way it used to
be."
"But�"
"I don't want to discuss this
anymore," Buffy said quickly, stopping her sister in mid-sentence.
"It's not going to happen, and it hurts too much to even think
about."
Dawn let the subject drop them�albeit with
some reluctance. She knew she probably shouldn't have pried like that anyway,
but it was hard for her not to where Buffy and Spike were concerned, especially
since most of the time, Buffy was too closed off to give her a chance. Spike
and Buffy were two of the people Dawn loved most in the world, and she'd never
seen them as happy as when they were together. How could she not wish
for them to have that again?
"I think I'm going to take a nap,"
Buffy said, stretching. "I didn't get a lot of sleep last night."
"Okay," Dawn replied. "I have
some reading I need to catch up on before school tomorrow, so I'll be home for
the rest of the day."
Buffy nodded. "I'll be up before too
long, and I'll do something about dinner then."
"All right, Buffy."
Dawn watched as her older sister went into
the bedroom, and wished there was something she could do to make things better
again.

***
*** ***
It was Monday night before Spike called
again�or more, accurately, Tuesday morning. Buffy answered the phone in a
sleepy haze, and was surprised to hear his voice on the other end of the line.
"Spike, you do know we live in the same
time zone, don't you?" Buffy asked, casting a bleary eye on her clock and
seeing it was already after two in the morning.
"Yeah. I'm sorry. I know you probably
have work in the morning, I just wanted to talk to you. But I can call back later, let you get some sleep now."
"No, it's all
right," Buffy said, sitting up against her pillows. "I'm just always
a little cranky when I first wake up."
"I
remember," Spike replied, and Buffy could almost hear the smile in his
voice.
"So did you
have anything specific you wanted to talk about, or were you just
calling?" Buffy asked.
"Just
calling, I guess," Spike told her. "It's a little crazy, I know, but
all of the sudden I had to hear your voice."
Her heart did a
little flip in her chest as his admission. "Yeah?" she replied,
hoping she really didn't sound as squeaky as she seemed to her own ears at the
moment.
"Yeah. God,
I've missed talking to you. For the longest time, something would
happen, and I'd want to tell you, and for a moment I'd forget I couldn't
anymore."
Buffy swallowed
hard, knowing exactly what he'd meant. She'd done the same thing herself�was still
doing it from time to time.
"Maybe I
still can't," Spike began again before Buffy had a chance to respond.
"Maybe I shouldn't be calling you like this, and really, I'm not entirely
sure why I did, other than my brain couldn't seem to control my fingers and
make them stop dialing your phone number." He laughed, though the sound
held little mirth. "And I'm not drunk, in case you're wondering. Haven't
had a bloody drop all day."
"I didn't
think you were," Buffy told him, the words nothing but the truth.
They both fell
into an uneasy silence, the only sound on the line that of their breathing, synchronized
even with the distance between them. Buffy had so many things she wanted to say
to him, questions to ask and apologies to make, but she couldn't seem to find
the strength to form the words. The whole situation was as it had been the
other time as well�surreal and leaving her at a loss.
"I've thought
about you a lot," Spike said finally, breaking the silence that had become
almost painful.
"Any of them
good thoughts?" Buffy asked, trying to make her tone as light as possible.
The mood was too heavy, too much for her to take without breaking down again.
Spike laughed, this
time with a hint of uneasiness. "I'm not going to lie to you, pet. I've
been angry and bitter where you're concerned. I know you feel like you did it
for me, but you ripped my heart out nonetheless, and I spent a lot of time not
able to do much more than hurt. But I never could think nothing but ill of you,
Buffy. I loved you too much for that." He paused for a moment, taking a
deep breath, then clearing his throat. "So yeah, some good thoughts in
there. I used to wonder what you were doing and if you were happy. I was glad
when I heard you'd finished with school. I used to worry I made you miss your
chance there by dragging you across the country like I did."
"You didn't
drag me across the country, Spike," Buffy replied, choosing the part of
what he'd said she could handle enough to give a response. "I made the
decision to come with you to L.A., and even with everything, it's not a
decision I regret. It was hard leaving New York, but I've settled back in
California, and I'm happy here. I feel like it allowed me to find the person I
used to be and let her connect with who I am now."
"I noticed at
the party you'd gone back to being all blonde and tan. Guess you did let your
inner California girl out again," Spike commented.
Buffy frowned for
a moment, trying to decipher his tone enough to figure out if he thought the
blonde was a bad look for her. Did he prefer her as a brunette? Did he not
think she was pretty anymore? She shook her head. Why did it matter what her
ex-boyfriend thought of her appearance anyway?
"I did it
shortly after we broke up," Buffy told him. "I'd sort of missed being
a blonde."
"It suits
you. Besides, I'm the last person to make any comments about someone getting
into the bleach."
Despite the
overall heavy mood of the conversation, Buffy giggled now. "True. Although
you're not quite as bleachy as I remember. Your hair wasn't blinding me Saturday
afternoon."
"Oi now. It
was never 'blinding.' If anything, that was my dazzling smile."
"You just
tell yourself whatever you want," Buffy replied.
"What, you
didn't like my hair?"
"I never said
that. I loved your hair, and you know it. But it was very�shiny."
"Wasn't
shiny," Spike muttered, and Buffy had to smile. She could picture the way
he'd be pouting now�
"Shiny hair's
a good thing, you know," Buffy told him. "That's why they have all
those 'extra shine' hair care products."
"Yeah, but
not so shiny it's blinding."
"Oh, I'm just
teasing you, you big baby. Did you go soft over the past three years?"
Suddenly, his
voice dropped, taking on a husky quality Buffy hadn't heard in so long.
"I'm never soft when it counts, luv. You of all people should know
that."
Buffy's face
immediately flamed as her body trembled. How could he do that�and why could he
do it still?
"Cat got your
tongue, Goldilocks?"
"You're
evil," Buffy informed him, glaring even though she knew he couldn't see it
over the phone.
Spike gave a low
laugh, making a shiver run right up Buffy's spine. "Are you just now
coming to this conclusion, luv?"
"No, I've
known for years," Buffy replied, hoping she didn't sound quite how she
felt at the moment. "I'm only reaffirming it."
"Good thing
then."
They fell silent
again, the bit of flirting winding down into another awkward pause. Buffy
debated for a moment about what she should do. Should she end the conversation
now, before she found herself getting in any deeper�although deeper into what
she wasn't sure. And more importantly, did she actually want to get off the
phone now?
"Tell me what
you're up to these days, Buffy," Spike said, the huskiness gone from his
voice.
His request made
up her mind for her, and Buffy lay back down against her pillow, the phone
cradled by her ear. "Not much of anything interesting," she replied.
"Tell me
anyway. I want to know what I've missed."
"Well, okay,
but if you called me for a cure to insomnia, then you're probably about to get
it."
Spike chuckled.
"Nothing about you could ever bore me, pet."
Buffy fought back the
blush his words threaten to bring to her cheeks as she began to fill him in on
the past three years of her life.

*** *** ***
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Been Here Too Few Years