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Been Here Too Few Years	By : addielogan Category: > Buffy/Spike(William) > Buffy/Spike(William) Views: 18659 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Robin spent the entire party really trying
not to pry. He hadn't missed how shaken Buffy had been when she'd left the
house after going in to get the napkins, nor had he missed the confrontation
with Eve Hart that had obviously been heated, even from a distance. And Buffy's tactic avoiding of her not-step-brother?
Definitely more than what Buffy had insisted.
As they made the silent drive back to Los
Angeles, Robin found he couldn't bite his tongue anymore. Something big was going
on, and he had a feeling if he could get to the bottom of it, he'd know the
reason behind Buffy's skittish behavior when it came to moving forward in their
relationship.
"So what's the real deal with you and
Spike?" Robin asked, making Buffy whip her head to face him away from
where she'd been looking out the window.
"What�what do you mean?"
"Buffy, I'm not stupid. It was pretty
clear today you two have a history."
Buffy frowned. Was it? And she'd tried so
hard to make that not clear. Damn� She sighed. "We dated for about
a year a while back. But then things fell apart pretty quickly, and I hadn't
seen him in three years�until today."
"Did you know he was going to be there
when you asked me to come with you?" Robin asked. "That wasn't why
you suddenly felt comfortable enough to introduce me to your parents, was
it�because you didn't want Spike to see you alone?"
"No!" Buffy insisted quickly.
"I didn't know he was going to be there until after I asked you, I
promise. And I'm sorry if I was weird today. I thought I'd be able to handle
seeing him again better than I did."
"It's okay. I completely understand
having a hard time seeing your ex for the first time in three years. I take it
the break-up was an ugly one?"
"It wasn't pretty by any stretch of the
imagination," Buffy replied. "I loved him very much, and losing him
devastated me. It took a lot to get over it."
Robin gave her a quick glance before
returning his eyes to the road. "But you have gotten over it?"
"Yeah, I have," Buffy said with
all the conviction she could muster. "Seeing him again made my insides tie
up in knots, but I didn't want to run back into his arms."
"Just checking. I don't want to try to start something here with
your heart belonging to someone else."
"Don't worry about that. Spike and I
are as over as two people can be."
"Okay."
"So it doesn't like, freak you
out?" Buffy asked after several moments of silence passed in the car.
"What, knowing you used to date a rock
star?"
"No, knowing I used to date someone
who, technically, is my step-brother."
"No, that doesn't bother me at
all," Robin replied. "I know you well enough to know it wasn't some
sort of kinky, incestuous thing. You're not related, and I'm going to wager if
you ever lived together, it wasn't under your parents' roof."
"It wasn't," Buffy confirmed.
"I didn't really meet him until we were both in our twenties."
"So nothing there to bother me,"
Robin said. "One of my best friends from college, his mother met his
wife's father at my friend's wedding. Within six months, the parents were
married, too. I never thought that suddenly made my friend and his wife brother
and sister, and it seems to me anything between you
and Spike was right along those lines." He cleared his throat.
"Though the rock star thing�that's a tough act to follow."
Buffy chuckled. "He actually wasn't a
rock star yet when we were dating. I just got the struggling musician."
"Did he leave you because he started to
get famous?" Robin asked, before quickly adding, "And if I'm reaching
none-of-my-business territory, you have my permission to tell me to shut
up."
"It's okay. I'm not really in the mood
for detail-giving, but that isn't why it ended. I broke up with him,
actually."
Robin frowned. "But I thought the
break-up devastated you."
"It did, but I was still the one to end
things. And can that be a story for after we've had a few more dates?"
"Sure." Despite himself, Robin
couldn't help the small smile that came to his lips. "There's going to be
more dates?"
"There will be if you want there to
be."
Robin's smile grew. "I want there to
be. I definitely want there to be."

***
*** ***
Buffy always felt awkward
telling Robin goodnight. As far
as actual dating went, the most experience she'd had was with Riley, and she was
pretty sure she and Robin were following a different sort of pattern than she
had with Riley. Angel had always been about secrecy and stolen moments and with
Spike she'd jumped right into a full-blown relationship.
"I feel sort of weird, simply sending
you home after all that driving you just did," Buffy admitted, avoiding
Robin's gaze as they stood in front of her door.
"I think it's probably for the
best," Robin replied. "The only real reason for me to go into your
apartment right now is something I don't think we're quite ready for."
"No, I don't think we are either,"
Buffy said honestly.
"I had a good time today, though,"
Robin told her. "I like your family. Even Great Uncle Maury starts to grow
on you."
Buffy laughed. "Be careful�that could
actually be his fungus."
Robin laughed back. "I'll keep that in
mind." The moment sobered, and Robin reached out to cup her cheek in his
hand, tilting her face up so their eyes finally met. "I still mean what I
said before, about giving you the time you need. You're an amazing woman, Buffy
Summers, and you're someone I think I can wait for."
"I'm sorry I can't be more�"
Buffy stopped in mid-sentence when she felt
Robin's thumb against her lips. "Hey. Don't apologize for being who you
are, Buffy." Slowly, giving her time to pull away, he moved his hand and
replaced it with his own lips, giving her a gentle, yet talented kiss.
She felt the same way she did every time
Robin kissed her. He wasn't a bad kisser by any stretch of the imagination, and
Buffy had a feeling if she'd never kissed Spike, her knees would be pretty weak
right about then. But she had kissed Spike and felt the magical sort of
passion she feared only he could ever stir in her. After that, she was sure
even a kiss from Don Juan himself would seem pale in comparison.
Still, she smiled and let her eyes linger on
his for a moment as he pulled away. Maybe if she could just get used to
touching someone who wasn't Spike, she'd finally be able to chase those ghosts
away and go on with her life. And Robin really was a good find. She'd be crazy
to pass him up because of the memory of a man she wasn't ever going to have
again.
Robin's hand went up to her cheek for a
moment before he let it drop. "Goodnight, Buffy."
"Goodnight, Robin," Buffy replied
before stepping inside of her apartment and closing the door between them.

***
*** ***
Buffy groaned as the sound of ringing pulled
her out of sleep and she struggled to place it. Her alarm wasn't going off.
Dawn had stayed in Sunnydale for an extra day. So what�
Right, the phone. She
shook her head and looked at the clock, grumbling as she did, "This better
be important at two in the morning."
She picked the phone up and managed her
best, "Hello?"
"Buffy? Did I wake you up?"
"People do tend to be asleep at this
hour, and�" She froze, suddenly wide awake as she
realized who she was talking to. "Spike?"
"Yeah. I'm sorry I woke you, pet, but I needed to call you.
I haven't been able to stop thinking what you said back in Sunnydale earlier
today."
The whole moment had a surreal feel for Buffy, making her wonder if she was even actually awake. It
certainly wouldn't have been the first time in the past three years she'd
dreamt of Spike.
"Buffy? Are you there, luv?"
"Yeah, sorry," Buffy said,
realizing she'd probably zoned out for a moment. "I'm just not completely
awake."
"Oh. I can let you go back to
sleep," Spike offered. "I'm sorry I bothered you."
"No!" Buffy said quickly, not
liking the idea of Spike hanging up already. It could have been because the
logical part of her brain had not yet woken up, but she wanted to keep hearing
his voice. "You called me for a reason, didn't you? You might as well say
what you wanted to say."
On the other end of the line, Spike cleared
his throat. "I don't really even know what I have to say. It just threw me
for a loop, is all. I've spent three years thinking one thing, and then I find
out it wasn't quite what I thought it was. A bit of a
shock."
"I knew if I told you the reason I was
leaving, you wouldn't have accepted it."
"Damn right I wouldn't!" Spike
exclaimed, making Buffy wince a little at how loud his voice was in her ear. He
took a deep breath, his tone softening. "Buffy, what Travers said to you,
it wouldn't have mattered. We could've worked it all out."
"How, Spike? Hell, look at how the
tabloids reacted to Britney Spears marrying her back-up dancer�what do you
think they would've said about someone dating his step-sister?"
"You were never really my
step-sister," Spike replied.
Buffy sighed. "I know that, Spike. But
other people�especially people looking for a juicy story�they wouldn't
have seen things the way we did."
"Then fuck 'em. I've never cared a day
in my life what strangers think of me. If it had turned into a scandal, I
would've handled it."
"But what if you couldn't have handled
it? What if it killed your career?"
Spike let out a trembling breath. "Then
I would've found something else to do with my life. I was never ashamed of what
we had, Buffy. I was bloody proud to have the love of a woman like you. Nothing
would've made me act like what we had was something that shouldn't be any more
than a dirty little secret."
"I was never ashamed of us,
Spike."
"Yeah, I think you were. A little at least." Buffy started to protest, but Spike
seemed to sense it even from the other end of the phone line, and said quickly,
"Let me finish. It was always something that bothered you. No matter how
much you insisted I wasn't your step-brother, there was always something in the
back of your mind telling you maybe you should think I was. For you, there was
always something of a taint to the relationship. You couldn't come clean with
your mum and Rupert about it for months, and that's not the sign of thinking
there's no problem with a situation at all. No, I don't think you ever thought
of me as a brother, but that doesn't mean you didn't wonder if the people who
did think of us as siblings possibly had a valid point."
"They did, Spike. Our parents are
married�"
"So bloody what? What would you think
about two sets of siblings dating?"
"Why would anyone care about that? I've
known lots of people who have dated the brother or sister of an in-law. It
happens all the time," Buffy replied.
"And they're just as related as us,
Buffy. Yeah, they're our parents and not our siblings, but it's really not all
that different. And it's not like we're the only people who have ever had a
relationship like this. It's not like our parents got married when we were
kids, and I was sneaking across the hallway to play Doctor with you. Joyce and
Rupert's marriage is a second marriage that took place later in both of their
lives after they both had older children."
"I know, but not everyone would�"
"Screw anyone who doesn't, then!"
Spike said, his voice rising again. "It's none of their business anyway.
If it had been a scandal, it would've blown over. We have nothing to
hide, nothing to be ashamed of, and eventually, they would've gone looking for
something actually interesting."
"But what if�"
"We don't know what would have
happened," he said sharply. "You never gave us a chance to find out.
Sure, worst case scenario, it would've been a huge bloody scandal and I never
would've made it to where I am today�but that still would've been better than
what I got instead."
Buffy sucked in a breath. "What do you
mean by that?"
"What, did you think fame's been all
puppies and rainbows for me? And do you honestly think getting dumped by the
woman I loved more than anything else in the world made it fun and exciting to
set out on tour? Bloody hell, I was sodding miserable, Buffy. I was a
wreck when you left me. Made the man I was those last couple weeks look like a
real prize in comparison. I'd probably be dead now if Rory and Oz hadn't
stepped in, made me stop acting like such a git."
The pain Buffy felt in the pit of her
stomach whenever she thought about Spike suddenly increased. "Spike�what
happened?"
For a moment, he didn't answer, and Buffy
wondered if he even would. Finally, however, he started to speak, his voice
considerably softer than it had been. "Losing you hurt more than I even
imagined. I felt like a piece of me had been ripped away, and the pain was more
than I could handle. I drank to make it go away, and then as we started touring
and more things were available to me, I took them, too. Anything to make the
hurting stop, you know?"
Buffy's eyes flooded with tears as her hand
went to her mouth. She'd known Spike had probably taken the break-up hard, but
she hadn't thought about it getting to that point.
"I was too fucked up to go on stage
more than once, the record label was getting angry, but I didn't bloody care. I
didn't have you, so I didn't care about anything. I didn't even care if I
died." He paused for a moment, and Buffy could hear the hitches in his
breathing, making her wonder if he was crying, too.
"And then, I almost did. I OD'ed in my hotel room. Oz found me, saved my life. He and
Rory did a bit of an intervention, reminded me there were things�people�worth
living for. I cleaned up after that, got some help, learned how to deal with my
pain in ways other than getting so wasted I couldn't feel anything at
all."
The image of Spike half-dead on the floor of
a hotel room was enough to make bile rise in her throat. "Spike�I'm so
sorry. I didn't�"
"I'm not telling you all of this to
make you feel guilty," Spike told her. He paused, then said, "Well,
all right, maybe a little. But I mainly just wanted�I don't know, to get it off
my chest, I suppose."
"That isn't what I wanted for
you."
"I know. But I've gotten past it now. I
don't drink to deal with my problems anymore, and I haven't touched drugs
since. And, well, I guess I've learned I can live without you."
"I�I'm glad to hear that," Buffy
replied, even if she couldn't really get the sentiment to fit with the last
thing he'd said.
Spike cleared his throat. "Look, I've
probably kept you awake long enough. Besides, Eve's asleep inside, and if she
wakes up, she'll wonder where I am."
Buffy winced at the thought of another woman
in Spike's bed. "Do you two live together?" she asked, unable to keep
the question from tumbling out.
"No. She just spent the night. She only
got back from filming yesterday, and we haven't had a lot of time
together."
"Oh. Well, it's�good you're having that
time then."
"Yeah." Spike coughed. "I'm going to go ahead and say good
night. It was good talking to you again, Buffy."
"You, too," Buffy replied, her
voice soft from her tears. "Good night."
Her only response from Spike was a click and
the sound of a dial tone. Buffy put the phone down, then curled up in her bed
again and cried against the pillow.

***
*** ***

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Been Here Too Few Years