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Before the Pain	By : Ephiany Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female Views: 4833 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: All the charecters are owned by Joss, as are the shows Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel. This is a work of fan fiction and I get nothing from this story or any story I write.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
Chapter 5 Tara can help
The next day the fighting started early but this time it was Buffy and Willow in their room. “What do you mean I have to grow up? I didn’t start that last night and besides I’m not the one that’s all scared that Tara is going to find out about us. You said yourself that she asked about us so she knows right?” Buffy yelled loud enough that she could be here in the kitchen.
“Sorry, that you have to hear that Tara.”Dawn told her old friend
“That’s Buffy letting everyone know that she can’t take any blame” Faith said.
“Faith please, I don’t want to get into it with you too. Buffy and Willow have been fighting nonstop for weeks now.”
“Well Dawnieit might help if I go to a hotel while I look for a place.”Tara said
“No, then Buffy will blame Willow for you leaving. They just can’t get past the fact that they were in the wrong.”Faith stated as she handed Dawn a piece of toast.
“What do you mean they were in the wrong about what?” Dawn asked as she kissed Faith
“Well about Willow cheating on Tara what else” Faith said without a second thought.
“Tara is that true? Did Willow cheat on you with Buffy?” She asked with tears in her eyes
“Yes Dawn she did. I don’t know how long it was going on before I found out. I never told them I knew. So they both are feeling guilty and they don’t know I know.”Tara smiled “Oh that’s good stuff, if I were the type of person to use that against them.”She chuckled at the thought of keeping her secret and waiting for the right time to attack.
“Tara you have changed so much and I don’t think I like it. What happened?” Dawn looked at the girl sitting across from her.
“Oh, grow up, Dawn. Do you really think that people will stay the same?” she told the teen without caring if it hurt her or not. “You’re fucking Faith and you want me to stay the same. You’re so fucking naïve!”
“Okay, so you got shafted, but I don’t give a fuck who you are! Don’t ever talk to her like that again!” Faith yelled at Tara as she walked over to her, pulling at her arm.
Tara stood up, yanking her arm free and turning to face the slayer. “What are you going to do, slayer?” she yelled, pushing Faith into the wall. “I don’t think you’re going to do shit, in fact, I think you’re going to run away and bitch about me later. Look at you, little broken girl acting like a bad ass so no one can see what you really are.”She laughed as she turned to leave. She stopped and looked over her shoulder at Dawn. “Come to me when you’re ready to do better!” Then she was gone.
Dawn and Faith sat in the kitchen in complete silence. The only sound that could be heard was a small sniffle from Dawn from time to time. Willow and Buffy walked into the kitchen with a look of complete horror. Willow walked over to the island and plopped down on a chair. Buffy took her place at the counter by Faith. Neither Buffy nor Willow spoke for a minute. Finally, Buffy broke the silence. “Damn, so who shit in her Cheerios this morning?” The other girls laughed, the gloomy mood broken. She then turned to Willow, and with a finger aimed at Faith, “She’s fucking my sister…since when?” Willow shrugged, and Faith and Dawn both darted out the back door.
Buffy sighed, leaning against the counter. “Well, so those two got outed by your ex. I’m not sure how much I like that, but I’m too tired to deal with it at the moment.” She paused a beat, then, “Yaknow, all this shit would be so much farts in a wind if we had some big bad to fight. Sad, isn’t it, that I actually miss the world being doomed with only us to stand between whatever and apocalypse?”
“Well, I could always summon up some evil super demon and tell him to get to work,” Willow teased.
“No, that’s no fun because the easiest way to stop those plans involve killing the summoner. And I love you too much for that,” Buffy purred, stroking Willow’s cheek. The two lovers spent a quiet moment together. “So what next, Will? Should we follow Faith and Dawn, and have a sit down talk with them by the way I mean we kick the living crap out of them. Maybe chase down Tara and see just what the hell’s going on?” Buffy looked at the counter again. “By the way, did you fix the living room window yet?”
“Yeah, the window’s fixed. And I think we should go after Tara. Dawn and Faith will be back. It’s Taco Night. They won’t miss that. Tara, on the other hand, doesn’t know its Taco Night, and she could leave and never come back. As painful as it’s been, she’s family. We can’t let her leave without talking to her.” Willow then scooped up her car keys. “I’m driving this time.”
Buffy grumbled a little bit as she got her shoes on to go chase down the now dark haired Wicca. As they pulled out of the driveway, Buffy said, “So black hair, bad attitude. You think she’s having a Dark Tara phase like you did?”
Willow stopped at the sign, and shook her head. “No, I don’t sense a radiating aura of evil. I think she’s just a bitch.”
****
Tara was walking in downtown, seeing the sites she had missed when she had left about a year ago. Her mind was racing, and she decided to sit down on a bench near the Espresso Pump. She pulled out her notebook. With her pen in hand she began to write.
‘How can I tell them that I missed them all so much? I was surprised at the level of anger in that house. Was it me? Are they always like this? If so, why? I love them all, well, not so much Faith as I don’t know her too well, but Dawn loves her, so that’s a big vote in her favor for me. But right now I’m so pissed at them too. I’ve been gone almost a year and instead of putting their fights aside for a good homecoming they act like I’m not even there. Or is it more of an 'I’m so welcome' that they don’t realize that I’m not used to the fighting? Willow....’
Tara looked away from her writing a moment. She flushed when she remembered the flare of desire that had swept through her so painfully at the sight of her ex-lover. She thought she had long since gotten over Willow, but the sight of her. She couldn’t steal Willow back, she would rather see Willow happy. Plus she knew that she couldn’t trust her again, not after what had happened with Buffy. She’d always love her, but she was no longer in love with her. She bent back to her writing.
‘Willow looked damn good. And with as much fighting that has been going on in that house, I would have figured there’d be at least a bruise. Slayers don’t often know their own strength when they’re angry. I should go back, if only to get my bag. I’m not sure I’m welcome yet, and with so much drama, I think I should’
Tara looked up again, this time because of a trio of familiar voices. “But honey, I’m still working. I am living the American dream. I’m earning money.”
“Yeah, but you were supposed to be off an hour ago, and Giles and us were going to get some dinner, away from the Espresso Pump then rent a movie,” said an exasperated voice.
“Quite right, Anya. Now be a dear and hurry along, or we’ll rent that dreadful Roger Rabbit movie again,” came the British accented voice that Tara looked up too.
“NO!” Anya cried. “I had nightmares for weeks after watching that movie! I can’t believe they made a two-hour movie about a bunny anyways. And only a PG rating.” Anya, Xander, and Giles walked out of the café, headed in Tara’s direction. Still talking among themselves, they walked right past the Wiccan. She frowned, put her notebook away and got up, following after them.
“Xander. You too good to tell anyone I was coming or what?” Tara said after about a block of listening to them talk. Giles, Anya, and Xanderall whipped around, an identical look of surprise on their faces. Giles buffed his glasses to stall for time to figure out what to say while Xanderstuttered.
“Tara. Hi. No, I just thought you were coming back next week, that’s all. I wanted it to be a surprise.” He turned to Anya and Giles and said weakly, “Um, surprise?”
She turned to the awaiting trio and looked them over as if they really weren’t the same people. “Xanderwas it just me or didn’t you leave Anya at the altar? Is the bun in the oven yours or is she fucking anything in sight? In Sunnydale that could be just about anything. I hope your offspring isn’t as stupid as you look boy.”
She then turns to Giles and sees the worry in his eyes. “What’s up Giles? Why are you looking at me like that?” She looks down at the ground she knows that she hurting people but for the life of her she can’t stop. “Giles come out of the trance it’s just me, Tara”
“Well I have to say that you’re not the Tara that left here. What happened to you...?” He is cut off
“What is it with this town? People change or did you miss that chapter in your old smelly books? Hell I left and now that I’m back you all act like I’m to stay that shy, stuttering, weak girl I was when I left. Well didn’t happen so get over it or move the fuck on.” Throwing her hands in the air she turns back to the bench to gather her things. Talking to the people still standing behind her. “I guess I was the only one that changed and I’m sorry.”Turning to leave she glances at her once good friends. “Oh well. What you going to do?” Then she walked past them without a look back
Tara continued her visit to her favorite places in Sunnydale. The sun was still an hour or so away from setting, so she turned next to the cemetery. ‘Maybe Spike will be home,’ she thought. ‘He should at least know that people change. I mean, he hasn’t aged in a hundred years or so, so he’ll get it right off.’ She walked over to his crypt. She could hear faintly through the stonewalls what sounded like old school punk music blaring. ‘Well, his taste in music is a plus for General Bleach.’ She threw the door open and stalked into the crypt. “Hey, Spike, can you turn this up? The Sex Pistols? What’s next, Actual Reality?”
The music cut off as Spike jumped from his recliner, whirling to face the door. “Look missy, I don’t know what you’re here for, but...”
“Spike, shut up. It’s Tara. Used to be blonde, shy, stuttered a lot?” Tara snapped off. “But everyone else here doesn’t seem to know me anymore, so why should you? Oh well, not a loss.” Tara smirked at him, then turned to leave.
His initial shock gone, was at her side before she could take a step towards the fading sunlight. “Tara. What you doing back in town? Dig the new look. You go all evil or something? Definitely sexy. So why come see old Spike, luv?” the vampire asked. He guided her over to the chairs, where he flopped down into his seat. “It’s been a strange turn of events since you’ve been gone, I’ll tell you what. You know anything of what’s been going on in people’s lives this year?”
“Yes, that’s mainly why I left. I saw Buffy and Willow making out one night, and I just...wentaway. But I thought it would be time to come home, they’re family, you know. But they are all kinds of psycho bitchy and I’m getting the feeling that it’s all the fucking time. I love them all, but DAMN. Who wants to live with that crap all the time?” Tara leaned back, looking around at Spike’s home.
“No shit. I used to love going out on patrol with Buffy, getting a sexual charge built between us, and shooting her down again and again. Man, the look on her...”
“Liar. You were the one being shot down all the time. ‘Let me rest in peace,’ remember?” Tara said, referencing the time that Sweet cast his song and dance spell over Sunnydale. Tara grinned as Spike had the decency to look slightly embarrassed.
“Look out, the little witch grew up and got fangs,” Spike muttered to himself. “Right, well, you know better. Still, ever since Red and Buffy got together, I can barely get a word in edgewise, you know? I’ve pretty much given up hanging around them. I mean, even Xanderis better company than that pack of harpies.”
Tara laughed loud and long at that. “Oh Spike, that’s the best laugh I’ve had in months.”
“Well, we could have a few more laughs together, if you’d like,” Spike started to say, but the humor dropped from Tara’s face in a hurry.
“Nope. I got the shaft from Willow. I’ll be damned if I take the shaft from you, Cold Boy.”
Spike made a hurt noise. “What, you think I’m coming onto you? Please. Guess I can’t even interest you in a drink, to toast our new found friendship, and as a welcome home?”
Tara thought about that for a second, then, “Eh, what the hell. You’re about the only one who has welcomed me home. So sure. Hey, looking for a roommate?”
Spike nearly dropped the bottle of scotch he was pouring into two glasses. Setting it down, he turned to her. “Roommate are you fucking daft? It’s a fucking crypt, luv, why the hell would you want to move in with me?”
“You said it yourself. Who’d want to live with all those harpies? Give me that drink.” She took the offered glass, and downed it in a gulp.
“I’d have to think about it. And you should pace yourself, little girl. I don’t want you getting sick all over my nice clean dirt.” He downed his drink in a single swallow. “You see, unlike you, I won’t puke. You, having eaten, will.”
“Please, on this piss water. I thought you said you were getting me a drink. This shits for ‘nancyboys’,” Tara said, a mischievous look in her eyes. She walked over to the bottle to pour herself a refill. She pours a double while Spike stares at her.
“’Nancy boys’? I’ll have you know that’s 160-year-old scotch you’re laughing at. You keep drinking like that, and you’ll be so far gone vampires would get drunk just smelling you.” Spike took the bottle and poured himself a double as well. “But I’ll match you drink for drink, and we’ll see who’s going to be face down in the dirt first.”
“Bring it on, Cold Boy; I’ll drink you under your coffin.” She waved her hand over their drinks. “Now try it.” She tipped her glass back, taking a small drink. Spike threw his down like he did his last one.
“Gods, witch, what the hell did you do to my drink?” he choked out, red faced and coughing.
“A spell I learned while I was away. Doubles the potency of a drink. How you like drinking with me now?” Tara asked with a smile, before downing hers as well.
“Luv,” Spike said, a little slurred, “you do this for my drink every night, and you can stay as long as you want.”
****
Night has fallen. Faith, Dawn, Willow, and Buffy all have set aside their problems for the moment. None of them could find Tara, so they were searching everywhere they could think. They walked into the cemetery, alert but not too worried. Two slayers meant most vampires would stay the hell out of their way. Buffy said, “Well, we’re here, let’s go see if Spike is coming out and he might help.”Faith nods at the crypt and they head to it.
“Do you really think she would be in the cemetery at night?” Dawn asks and then jumped at the sound of Spike’s crypt door opening.
“Hey girlies what’s up...?” He slurs and falls flat on he’s face in the doorway.
Tara walks over him trying not to fall. “You know someone should clean that mess up.”She points to Spike with the bottle “Hey bitches. What’s up?” She asked while trying to get the last drop out of the bottle.
“Tara are you drunk?” Dawn asks as she moved closer to Faith.
“No.”Tara answers while looking into the bottle. “But Spock...Spot...whatever...wellhe’s fubar. Would say shit faced but well you met him.”She drops the bottle and walks over to Buffy. “Hey Buff how’s Willow tasting these days? Oh well give us a kiss.”
“Tara, I don’t believe you.”Willow sighed.
Tara tried to straighten herself upright. “What…oh Willow, I’ve told you before that you tasted…good…all sweet and musky.”She laughed.
Dawn stood shaking her head and moving even closer to Faith. “Tara, you do see me standing here, right? Why would you say these things?
“Yes Dawn, I see you. Well more like three of you. Hell I thought one was enough,” Tara said with a sloppy smile. “Hey, what the hell you doing here? I was trying to drink Spike down.” She looks over her shoulder. “Well, guess I won.”
“Tara, stop this!” cried Dawn. “What the fuck is wrong with you? You’ve been a bitch ever since you came home!” Dawn shrank back a step as Tara glared at her
She looked back at the four girls. “I’m home and I should tell you why I left. Well, let’s see. I left because my girlfriend was cheating on me with her best friend.” She shot a look to Buffy and Willow. “Yeah, I knew. Stop playing like I didn’t know. I come home and people only comment on how different I was. No one except that drunken lush lying in the crypt door even said ‘Welcome home.’ You act like children around me, fighting like you’ve all got rabies, and when I’m hurt by this I’M the bitch? Fuck you guys. I love you all, but I don’t think I’m going to stay here. So grow up or fuck off.” With that, Tara turned and stumbled towards the cemetery entrance.
“Well someone definitely shit in her Cheerios, and I think it was you two.”Faith pointed at Willow and Buffy.
“What a minute she said it was all of us not just me and Willow.”Buffy said
“Oh B, there you go again blaming everyone else but yourself. Hell you were doing Red before Tara left but somehow we’re in the wrong here. Get a clue blondieshe’s pissed at you two, can’t stand Dawn and probably doesn’t think I’m in the right body. So if she wants to be a bitch then so fucken be it.”
“Can’t stand me? Aw, fuck you Faith. You’re almost a crazy as my sister and her superiority complex,” Dawn snapped. Buffy threw a disgusted look at her sister.
“Shut up, all of you. Tara’s leaving and we’re fighting about whose more to blame here. Why don’t we...”Willow began, but Faith cut her off.
“Your fault to begin with Red you’re the one who cheated on her.”
The four girls began yelling at once, throwing insults and accusations back and forth. Tara was leaning around a tree, watching her family tear itself apart. She had tears in her eyes. “Why are they like this is it me I hate them like this. Maybe I can fix it.”She turned to actually leave when a sound from nearby caught her attention.
Spike was struggling to his feet, one eye on the fighting girls. “Yadamned harpies; can’t a bloke get some shut eye around here? What the fuck are you fighting about anyways? Tara?”
The two couples turned to look at Spike as he wove his way unsteadily to them. “It seems to me,” he belched, “oh, excuse me, but it seems to me that you’re all judging her based on what you know, but you don’t know what her life has been like. You didn’t live it, so stop making her into one of your dress up dolls and hoping she’ll be the way you want. Now get out of my cemetery. I think I’m coming down with something. The world is spinning.” He stumbled on a tree root and fell flat again. From the ground his voice was muffled, but they could all hear his, “Bloody hell, I think I’ve gone blind.”
“See B, if you weren’t so stuck on yourself then you would see that it is your fault!” Faith yelled as she took a fighting stance.
“Oh fuck off Faith you don’t know nothing about me. And as for this being my fault I wasn’t the one being pushed into the wall this morning.”Buffy matched the dark slayer’s stance.
“Why does it always come down to those two? Man I’m tired of this shit. Buffy always tells Faith she don’t know her and Faith is always tell Buffy that she’ll never know how it was for her. Fuck this I’m going home.”Dawn tells Willow then turns and leaves the cemetery.
“They haven’t lived my life...well, well; the vampire does have a brain. A shame he has to be drunk for it to function. Well the slayers will get a lesson in whose life was worse.”Tara turned to leave the cemetery and walks into then fence falling on her back.
“Willow I love Faith but I don’t know much I can take of this…what about you?” Dawn asks while they pick Tara up off the ground and walking her to the car.
The next night Tara sat in her hotel room, she rented so not to be disturbed. She sat facing north as she chanted the words of her spell. A green light emerged from the caldron she used to place the supplies she need for the spell. After a few minutes of chanting and blue smoke had emerged from the caldron, Tara knew the spell was done. “So Buffy thinks she had it worse than Faith. Well let’s see who had it worse.
Tara walked to the cemetery waiting for the two slayers to start their patrol. She didn’t have to wait for long the two girls walk in to the graveyard fighting about the night before.
This is when Tara took her chance. She took the contents out of the bag she carried with her. She took the brown dust and held it high above her head. After chanting a few words she brought the dust to her mouth and blew it into the air. “Forgive me but I have to bring you closer to make you see that you need each other. The end is near for one of you.”
The End
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Before the Pain