A Second Chance

Part Four

“Alex! Phone!”

Scowling, Alex paused his game and sighed. He didn’t want to talk to anyone, hadn’t really, for weeks. At least with his family, he didn’t have to pretend everything was fine, they knew it wasn’t. Although, how much they knew, he wasn’t sure. Sometimes, he had a feeling they knew a lot more than even he did.

It was quite embarrassing, having your mothers, grandfathers and both sets of aunts and uncles looking at you sympathetically because the love of your life couldn’t bear to even be in the same damn country as you.

He wasn’t sure how everyone knew, either, he sure hadn’t said anything. But they did. Thankfully, though, none of them tried to talk to him about it. He just couldn’t.

Reaching for the cordless phone on his nightstand, he punched the ‘talk’ button and yelled down, “Okay, Mom, I’ve got it.”

Putting it to his ear, he waited for the beep of her hanging up before he said anything. Parents…never knew when they’d sneak and try to listen in.

“Yeah?”

“Is that any way to answer a phone?”

"…"

“Alex? Ya there, pet?”

His throat closed up, eyes welling… that voice, that damned, hated, so fuckin’ loved voice. Sounding like absolutely nothing had happened, as if he hadn’t been gone for three miserable months without one word. Well, spoken word. The postcards still came every couple of weeks, making him cling to the hope that the damned vampire wouldn’t go off and forget him.

“Alex? What’s wrong?”

“Stupid bastard!” he finally choked out, hitting the ‘talk’ button again fiercely, pissed that he couldn’t just slam the phone down and deafen the prick.

Chest heaving, biting hard into his fist to keep his mom from hearing the sobs coming from his throat, he glared daggers at the phone when it started chirping again. Snatching it up before someone else answered, he snarled into it, “What?”

“Alex…” Will’s husky voice growled out warningly, causing heat to swell and burn in his belly even as his whole body shook trying to suppress the sobs.

He tried hard to speak, to yell and curse at the vampire, but all that came out was a choked hiccup-y whimper, a sound that made him cringe even as it burst the dam inside him, letting tears start streaming down his face.

“Pet? Aw fuck, please don’t cry, Alex. Fuck. ‘M sorry, should go. Didn’t mean to upset you, luv,” he heard Will say, voice soft and sad.

The thought of him hanging up and not calling back again made a harsh sob escape from his throat and the vampire started cursing again.

“Shit. Pet, please, please don’t do this to me. Don’t cry like this when I can’t be there to hold ya. You’re breakin’ my heart, ‘ere,” he pleaded roughly.

Making an effort to will the tears away, Alex scrubbed at his face and breathed in, not wanting Will to think he was a baby who couldn’t handle the separation. Even though he couldn’t.

“You left me!” he choked out, and winced, because that had so not been what he was going to say.

A deep sigh, and then, “I had to, Alex. You know that.”

“Still fuckin’ sucks.”

A smothered laugh. “Yeah, it does. Christ, it’s so good to hear your voice, pet.”

“I…I really miss you, Will,” he whispered, gripping the phone so tightly that his fingers were aching.

“I miss you, too, luv. So fuckin’ much.” He could hear the tears in Will’s voice now and it made it just a little easier to bear, knowing the vampire hated it as much as he did.

There were a few moments of silence, then Alex mumbled out, “Sorry I made it to where you had to leave, Will.”

“Ahh baby, I’d smack ya if I could reach ya for that. You didn’t make me leave, my own lack of control did that,” the blonde groaned into his ear, making his cheeks flush at being called ‘baby’, something the vampire only did when his guard was way down.

“But if I hadn’t-” he started, only to get cut off by a low growl.

“Stop. Listen and listen good, Alex. What happened was not your fault. It would have happened, anyway. It was inevitable, luv.”

“Too hot for you to resist, huh?” he teased, ignoring the ‘inevitable’ part, the same feeling he got from his family when they looked at him lately. As if his destiny was written out somewhere and everyone could see it but him.

A low muffled groan that made him smile wickedly, and then, “You have noo fuckin’ idea, boy.”

He laughed, feeling himself relax for the first time in months.

“Listen, luv, I need to go now, just wanted to call and check up on ya,” he heard a second later, and oh look! There went the relaxed, happy feeling.

“Will, are you gonna call again?” he got out before he could stop himself from pleading with the vampire.

“Ya want me to?”

“Fuck, yeah. Of course I do.”

“’Ow bout every other Friday?”

He sighed, wanting every night, hours and hours a night, but it was more than he had been expecting so he agreed, “Yeah, great.”

“You still have the keys to my place?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. Just go over there after school every other Friday and I’ll call. Not sure what time cuz fuck knows where I’ll be, but I’ll call before dark so you can get home. Just want to talk to ya without everyone there.”

Alex grinned, a look in his eyes that would have made Will backtrack frantically if he had seen it, and purred out, “Sounds good.”

Will laughed, replying, “Oh Christ, I know that voice. Get those dirty thoughts outa your head. Gonna be the death of me, he is.”

Snickering, Alex closed his eyes, clinging to the last few moments he would have, knowing they would have to hang up any minute.

Will sighed, “So. Two weeks, then?”

“Yeah,” he choked out, not daring to breathe.

“Now don’t go starting that again. Smile for me, pet.”

He tried, sighing out, “Gonna miss you so bad.”

“Always miss you, luv. I gotta go now. Love me?”

“Always. Love me?”

“You’ve got no idea, pet. No idea.”

Click.

---

“Hey.”

“’Lo, pet. How was school?”

“Borinnggg. How’s uh.. Europe?”

“Asia. Pretty nice. Good food.”

…

“What’s wrong, ya seem down.”

“Nothing, Will. Really. Just missing you.”

“Mm-hmm, what’s really buggin’ you?”

“I hate when you do that.”

“I know. Now, out with it.”

Grumbling. “Angel and Buffy were over last night. I called him ‘Deadboy’ and everyone about passed out. Everyone knows something, Will, including you. I don’t understand what’s going on and I fuckin’ hate it that no one will tell me!”

A trembling sigh, and “Alex…”

“See! It even affects you like that! Is it something to do with my dreams, Will? Of you havin’ white hair insteada blonde?”

“I can’t tell you, luv. You have to come up with it all on your own, I can’t force you to.”

A low growl, then, “Fuck you. You’re the same as the rest of them. I thought you cared more about me than they did, Will. But… Fuck. I’ll talk to you in a couple weeks, I can’t talk now.”

“Alex, damn it!”

Click.
---

“Hey.”

“I oughta turn you over my knee.”

Snickering. “Yeah, you should. Come over and do it.”

“You’d like that wouldn’t you… My hand fallin’ on that perfect little ass of yours, turning it all pink for me.”

“What the fuck! Will!”

“Well, stop teasin, ya brat. Turned ya on, din’t it.”

“Bastard.”

“Knew it.”

A snort, choked laugh. His face flaming red, he waited for Will to say something else, change the subject. Much as he wanted him, he was still pretty shy about it all.

“Over your little tantrum, then?”

He grumbled. “No, I still wish someone would tell me what’s goin’ on so I don’t feel totally crazy all the time.”

Low sigh. “I wish I could, Alex. So much. It’s healthier for you to work it out on your own, though. What’s happenin’ now?”

“Gah…I don’t know. I’m seeing things while I’m awake now, not just dreamin’. Demons that aren’t even in Grampa Rupert’s books, Buffy killing vampires… how crazy is that? A little girl that looks so much like mom. Mom and Oz kissing. There’s just a lot of crazy stuff that keeps flashing in front of my eyes, Will.”

Silence.

“Will? Don’t you go all weird on me, too.”

“Sorry, Alex. I’m here. How does seeing all that make you feel?”

A snort he can’t suppress. “Am I going to have to start paying you by the hour?”

“Cheeky brat, you really are askin’ for that spankin’, aren’t ya?”

Low moan he hoped that the vampire couldn’t hear, but from the amused laugh, he knew he had.

“Makes me feel sad. And happy. I don’t know, Will.”

“S’alright, luv. You should prolly get home now, before it gets dark.”

He sighed. “You need to start calling sooner so we can talk longer.”

“I would, but the more I talk to you, the more I want to come and get ya.”

“Works for me!”

A husky laugh in his ear, making him shiver. “Yeah, me too, luv. Too bad your mum wants you to graduate high school.”

“Yeah, yeah. Talk to you in a couple weeks, Will.”

“’Kay pet. Love ya.”

“Love you, Will.”

Click.

---

The months passed, postcards and gifts coming erratically, but the twice a month phone calls coming religiously. Will was there for every major thing that happened in his life, if only by phone.

They didn’t always get along, and more than one call ended with the phone of one or the other being thrown across the room, but neither missed the next call. Sometimes, Alex thought they were the only things keeping him sane.

He was almost sixteen now and the dreams and daydreams just kept getting more and more vivid, until he couldn’t separate reality from fantasy some days. His mother started getting dark circles under her eyes from the nights he woke screaming and everyone treated him like he was about to break at any moment.

Only Will still treated him like he was normal, but even the vampire got quiet a lot when Will told him some of the things he saw. So he tried to not mention it, keeping it all filed away in the back of his mind.

His conversations with Will were too priceless and precious to mar with the pain and confusion he felt when talking about his dreams.

“Hey!”

“Oh, someone is in a good mood today.”

“What, I’m not allowed to be happy to talk to you?”

“Ya better be! So, how’s life, then?”

“Nothing like it would be if you were here.”

“Sweet boy.”

“S’true.”

“So what would it be like if I was there?” in a low purring growl that went straight to Alex’s groin.

“Fuck.”

“No, I think you’re still a bit young for that,” amusement apparent in the soft voice. “Other things, however…”

“You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?”

A low laugh, along with a smothered moan.

“Oh my God! Are you jerkin’ off on the phone with me?”

Another laugh. “I don’t know, are you ‘jerking off’, too?”

“That’s not what I meant!” That wasn’t a squeak. Honestly, it wasn’t.

“It could be.”

Oh fuck, that voice, sultry and seductive and since when did he start using words like sultry?

“Will…” No, that wasn’t a moan, it was an exasperated groan.

“Are you hard, baby?”

Oh fuck. Fuck. His whole body flushed, belly tightening and trembling.

“I am now,” he growled out, whining.

Husky laugh, he could listen to that laugh forever.

“Good.”

“Will…don’t tease me.”

“What makes you think I’m teasin’, luv?”

“I’m still fifteen! You said-”

“Oh fuck that. I’m not touchin’ ya, am I? Half a world away, aren’t I?”

“Unfortunately.”

“Not a saint, Alex. Never confuse me for one because I’m trying to let you grow up, pet.”

“Thank God,” with a small snicker.

“You ever touch yourself at night and think of me?”

“Will!”

“Oh come on, you’ve asked me worse.”

“You know I do.”

“Touch yourself for me now?”

A small whimper. “Will…”

“Pretend it’s me. Unbuttoning your jeans, sliding my hand down inside.”

“Fuck, Will,” he moaned out, shivering as his own hand took the path the vampire was laying out for him.

“Feel good, luv?”

“Uhhum..”

“Good. Now pull out your dick for me, pet.”

“Gah, Will.”

“You blushing, luv?” Gentle laughter.

“Noo… yeah, a little.”

“So hot when ya do. Want to stop, baby?”

“Fuck no!”

Will laughed. “Wrap your hand around it for me, Alex. Can you feel me touching you? Stroking you. You’re so hot in my hand, pet.”

He whimpered, the husky accented voice in his ear sending jolts of pleasure to the hard cock in his fist. Will moaned and it made him shiver, closing his eyes and pretending it was the vampire’s cool hand on him and not his own.

The soft purring voice in his ear led his every movement, his hand moving as if it were controlled only by that accented husky voice thousands of miles away. Soon it was all he could do to keep holding on to the phone, as his imagination, Will’s voice and his hand combined to make him a sweaty, thrashing mess on the cool sheets of Will’s bed.

“Please, please,” he choked out, as Will told him to tug harder, faster, panting and moaning in his ear as he too neared the edge.

“Fuckin’ beautiful ya are, perfect, Alex. Want you to come for me, baby, want to hear you,” he rasped out, and Alex shuddered, his back arching and legs tightening as that drove him over. Bright lights exploded into tons of colors behind his tightly closed eyes, and he cried out Will’s name helplessly, as his body convulsed.

“Oh, Christ,” Will moaned out and Alex heard him give a choked shout, muffled but enough to let him know that Will had came with him. It was almost enough to make him hard again.

They both panted into the phone for another couple of minutes, before Alex had to rush home and sneak upstairs before his mother noticed his stained clothes. It was the first of many such phone calls, as Alex got older.

But not every call was happy and fun, because Will soon discovered all that he had been keeping from him when he called to check up on Willow and she told him about all the nightmares and confusion he had been having.

So, after a huge and heated fight about how they couldn’t have any kind of meaningful relationship if Alex didn’t let him know about things that were hurting and upsetting him, Alex agreed grudgingly to go back to telling Will about the things messing with his mind.

And then it happened.

“Mm, ‘lo?”

“Alex? What’re you still doin’ there, pet? It’s late. Got held up by some slimey git and couldn’t call sooner. Was spectin’ you to be home by now.”

“Fell sleep,” he mumbled out, eyes still closed, phone held loosely in his grasp.

“Adorable, ya are. Dreamin’ anything special?”

“Mmm… do you remember the first time we made love, Spike?”

Silence.

Then, “Alex, luv?”

“We had been patrolling, me, Buffy n Wills. I kept seein’ you, followin’, but when I turned to look, you’d be gone. After I walked the girls back and took off, you slammed me up against the wall of the alley, member, Spike? Wanted you so bad, couldn’t tell you to stop. But you did, didn’t want to take me like that. Drug me back to your place, least it had a bed. Needed you so bad, sweetheart. You remember? I was crying after and you thought you’d hurt me, was about to leave, all upset, but I told you I loved you. You din’t believe me, though, for months. Silly. Spike? You okay, you’re awful quiet.”

“A-Alex?”

“Spike? Are you crying? What’s wrong?”

“Xander?”

“Spike? I- Will? What’s goin’ on, Will? Oh fuck. Fuck. Will, I’m scared,” chest tight, head spinning. Hyperventilating.

“Oh shit. Alex, calm down for me, baby. Just breathe, baby. Come on, breathe for me.”

“Can’t-Can’t, Will. What’s happening to me?” he screamed hoarsely, his whole life flashing before his eyes, and then another one, all jumbled up and twisted until he had to drop the phone and put the pillow over his head to control the spinning.

He stayed that way until he felt a warm hand, shaking hand, stroking his back and someone gently tugged away the pillow.

“M-Mom?”

“Hey, honey. Will called me, said you needed me. What happened, honey?” she asked quietly, eyes huge and scared as she took in his condition.

“I-I remember. Some things.. it’s all confused, I don’t know who I am, anymore. I don’t know which life is which, am I real, mom?”

“Oh, baby. Of course, you’re real!” She hugged him to her tightly, rocking him, and he shook and clung to her.

“Am I dead?”

She froze. “Alex?”

“Just tell me! Please. I already remember so much, it isn’t going to hurt anything to just answer a couple of questions.”

“Xander died. But you, you’re very much alive.”

“Am I Xander?”

“Do you feel like you are?”

“Mom, please!”

“I can’t answer that, honey, because I just don’t know. You are his soul, yes. I wasn’t expecting you to become a different person, but please, we love you so much, don’t ever feel we don’t. I love you both.”

He wiped away the tears on her face and hugged her close. “We both love you, too. I’m still gonna call you Mom, even when I remember it all. You’ll always be my mom and my best friend.”

She smiled and laughed, through her tears, and reached down to pick up the phone he had dropped. Turning it off, they only waited a few seconds before it was ringing. She answered and Alex snickered as he heard the frantic vampire yelling.

His vampire. His Will, Spike. Always his.

Things were gonna be okay.