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Out Of Memory, Loss	By : pixel2817 Category: AtS/BtVS Crossovers > Slash - Male/Male > Angel(us)/Xander > Angel(us)/Xander Views: 5977 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own BtVS or AtS. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Author: pixel
Title:Out of Memory, Loss.
Part:5/?
Pairing: Xangel
Rating: NC17
Feedback: always welcome
Concrit much appreciated and possibly needed
Disclaimer: Anything you recognise is still owned by Joss et al ~ anything new is mine.
Warnings/Squicks: Willow bashing, violence, light BDSM, bloodplay
Beta(s): don’t have one
Distribution: hell, if anyone wants it just take it. Just drop me a line so I can take a look.

Summary :- This came from a couple of plot bunnies/challenges I saw awhile back. I’m sorry I don’t remember where, but thanks for the ideas.

1)Tabula Rasa wasn’t the first time Willow cast memory spells on Xander, and they all broke with the crystal.
2)Xander has left Sunnydale at some previous point and they had no idea where he’d gone. Willow calls AI for help and Xander answers the phone.

This is set post Tabula Rasa BTVS and Ats Season 3 up to Billy, Darla never comes back and there is no Connor, mainly ‘cos he just doesn’t fit this story.

Spells And Souls

As they watched Xander, Faith and Tara rush into the back of the hotel; the others braced themselves for the arrival of the Sunnydalers. Buffy was first through the door, stalking in like she owned the place, immediately behind her came Willow, carrying a bag of supplies and then Spike and Dawn bringing up the rear. The vampire and the young girl both looked nervous about being there and seemed to hang back away from the others.

Without bothering to say even a brief hello to the LA gang Willow started making demands, “Where’s Xander? I know he’s here. I want to talk to him.”

“Hey Willow. Good to see you. Yes we’re all fine. Thanks for asking.”

“Whatever, Cordelia. Just tell me where Xander is. I need to see him.”

“He’s busy right now, he’ll be along when he’s ready.”

“He won’t be too busy for me, just let him know I’m here.”

“He already knows, and like I said he’ll be here later.”

Willow had obviously been going to carry on but Buffy interrupted her, “Enough Willow, we’ll see Xander soon. Cordelia it is good to see you all. Is Angel here?”

“Buffy, charming as always, yes Angel is here somewhere and, like Xander, he’ll be along when he’s ready. We do all have lives and a business to run, we’re not at your beck and call. Just because we agreed to help you out with your demon, doesn’t mean you get to come down here and throw your weight around.”

“That wasn’t what I meant, I know you’re helping us out, I just wanted to see Angel.”

“Buffy if we have to wait, I can start getting set up for the spell. I can have it all ready and surprise Angel when he gets here.” Willow started pulling magic ingredients out of her bag and lighting candles. Cordelia, Wes and Gunn exchanged worried glances and started to reach for their weapons.

“Perhaps Miss Rosenberg, you could explain exactly what you are doing before you start setting up any spells in our hotel.”

“It’s a surprise for Angel.”

“So you said, but I’d really rather you didn’t attempt any magic here without explaining it to me first.”

“You’re not my Watcher Wesley and I really doubt you’d understand what I’m doing, it’s kind of beyond you.”

“Nevertheless, we can’t allow you to simply cast any spell on Angel without it being checked out first. While my casting abilities may not match yours, I assure you there is no doubt that I’ll be able to understand the mechanics of any spell you intend to perform, we are not about to let you endanger us all with mis-used magic.”

“I know what I’m doing Wesley and the whole point of a surprise is that you don’t know in advance.”

“Willow, maybe we should just wait and talk to Angel.”

“But Buffy, don’t you want me to do this?”

“Of course I do, but we’re guests here and it won’t hurt to wait a few minutes. Once Angel agrees, you can do the spell.”

“Once I agree to what?”

“Angel!”

“Buffy, glad you all made it down here okay. Now what’s this about a spell?”

“Willow found it, she’s been researching for months, Angel she can anchor your soul.”

“You can?”

“Yes, I figured out a way to make it permanent. I’ll tie your soul to Buffy’s. It means that you’ll have your soul as long as you’re both alive; and because you’ll be bound, Buffy’ll live as long as you do. Isn’t that amazing? I can do it right now.”

“Wait a minute Willow, are you saying the only way you can make my soul permanent is by binding me to Buffy?”

“Yes, it’s because you’re soul mates, your souls already belong together, I’d just be making the link stronger.”

Angel looked at the young Witch, she hadn’t changed at all on the outside, she still appeared to be that sweet and innocent soul he’d met in Sunnydale. Babbling away and seeming like she only wanted to help. It was a shame for her that he knew she was lying through her teeth. “It’s a very generous offer Willow, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to decline.”

“Don’t be silly Angel, I just need a little of your blood for the spell; so give me your arm and we can get started.”

“I said no Willow.”

“Look I know you’re probably worried about Angelus, but I promise there’s absolutely no risk of him getting out.”

“Willow, maybe we should give Angel a bit of time, he might be happier about it if Wesley can look over the spell.”

“Buffy I told you there’s no risk, and you know we’ll all be safer when it’s done, Angel just give me your hand.” Willow’s voice now held a commanding tone, and she seemed shocked when Angel didn’t immediately comply. He could see she was about to continue, when they were all startled by a soft glow of light, which suddenly surrounded him. He looked questioningly at Wes.

“It’s part of the wards, any time someone tries to cast a spell on anybody who belongs in the hotel we’ll be able to see immediately; and of course the spell will be neutralised.”

“Can you tell what the spell was?”

“Just give me a few minutes.”

As Wes headed for the office, Willow began to look panicked, “I can’t feel my magic Buffy. Oh Goddess, something’s happened to me. It should have worked.”

“What should have worked? Willow I said you should wait.”

“It wasn’t the spell, I was just getting ready, Buffy you don’t understand I can’t access my power. What are we going to do?”

“Calm down Willow, we’ll figure it out, Angel will help us.”

“Actually I won’t. The hotel is warded for a reason. Willow should be able to access her powers just fine once you all leave, but only people who belong here at the Hyperion can perform any sort of magic inside the hotel’s walls. We’ve also all got personal wards against magic.”

“So you can drop them and I can do the spell. God Angel I was so scared, I thought I’d lost my magic.”

“We’ve no intention of dropping any of the wards Willow, and I already told you that I don’t want you performing the spell.”

“Angel it’s your one chance, our one chance; how can you not want Willow to do this?”

“Buffy.” Angel raked his hands through his hair, he didn’t want to hurt her, there’d been a time when she meant everything to him and though he’d long since moved on, he hated the thought of causing her more pain. “Maybe we should talk in private.”

“Or maybe you should just tell me what the hell’s going on. Willow’s offering you freedom, the chance for us both to be happy. What on earth could make you turn that down?”

“Buffy, the last time we talked you took a great deal of pleasure in telling me that you’d moved on. That you’d found someone who you could trust and who made you happy and that you didn’t need me any more.”

“Angel if you’re talking about Riley, he doesn’t matter, it’s been over a long time. I had to be with someone when I thought I could never have you but it was never what we had.”

“Had, Buffy that’s the operative word. You were right back then. We’ve got different lives in different towns and we both needed to build a future without each other. You’ll always be important to me, but I took your advice and got on with my life.”

“But Angel, the spell. Willow checked it all out, we’re soul mates, that’s why it’ll work. We have to be together.” Tears were starting to fall down Buffy’s face and Angel hated that he was having to be the one to hurt her. Yet again Willow’s lies and manipulations were causing nothing but trouble.

Gently brushing her tears away Angel looked right into Buffy’s eyes and told her, “Buffy I don’t need Willow’s spell. My soul has been permanent for months.”

Willow gasped and immediately started to contradict him, “Angel that’s not possible. I don’t know who told you that your soul was safe, but they were wrong. I checked everywhere, only by being with Buffy can it work.”

“You just don’t stop do you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you really think I’d risk the lives of everyone I care about on a spell I wasn’t sure of, I checked and double checked everything. It worked Willow, I know because the Oracles told me it did. It was part of my reward for working for the Powers. I know you’re probably just trying to make Buffy happy, but do you really think that manipulating us into a relationship is the way to go?”

“Willow?”

“No Buffy, he’s wrong. I know he is. What spell is it? How did it work? Who cast this spell of yours anyway? How do you know you can trust them?”

“The actual spell was pretty simple in the end, it seemed that according to the powers the reason the curse was so unstable was because the demon and the soul were fighting all the time. In order to make things permanent the two had to be merged. The demon and the soul are both part of me now. The soul is in charge but I’ve had to stop denying who and what I am. Buffy I’m a vampire.”

“I know that!”

“I’m not so sure you do. You always avoided anything that reminded you that I wasn’t human. You used to practically run and hide when I fed, and you hated to see my true face. You used to act like the soul made me human. It didn’t, the soul’s only part of who I am and you could never have accepted the other part.”

“I can Angel, I can work on it.”

“You shouldn’t have to work to love someone Buffy. We just weren’t meant to be, the Slayer in you could never accept my demon; and my demon could never accept being involved with a Slayer.”

“There’s really no way is there? You’ve been free for months and never even bothered to let me know. God you’ve already found someone, haven’t you?”

“Yes I have, but even without them, it could never work between us. I am sorry Buffy, but I thought you were over this a long time ago. That is what you told me.”

“I know, and I was then. But it all fell apart and Riley left and I died and came back and everything in my life was so screwed up. When Willow told me about the spell, it just made me think everything would be okay. That if I got you back and we made a go of it, then my life would be alright again. It never even occurred to me that you might not want this; that you might have moved on. God arrogant much; I just thought you’d spent all this time sitting around pining for me.”

“Buffy I know I’m right about this. Whoever did this to Angel is wrong. If you just let me access my powers I can prove it.”

“Willow let it go, it just isn’t going to be.”

“No Buffy, I promised I’d do this for you and I will.”

“Whether Buffy or Angel want it or not.”

“What do you mean Wes?”

“The spell Miss Rosenberg tried to cast on you was a compulsion. It would basically have made you completely susceptible to her will.”

“That’s ridiculous, Willow wouldn’t do that. Wes you’ve made a mistake”

“I assure you I haven’t, besides it’s easy enough for some one else to check if you don’t trust me.”

“We don’t, you really screwed up. I would never cast a spell like that. God I bet you’re the one who fed Angel all that crap about his soul, we’re so lucky Angelus isn’t loose if you’re the one who tried to anchor the soul.”

“God Willow enough,” everyone turned to look at the young man as he walked slowly into the room to stand at Angel’s side.

“Xander?”

“I can’t believe you’re doing this again. After everything that happened, after everything you did, you come begging for our help and you’re barely through the door before you’re up to your old tricks. I really hoped you’d changed, but you haven’t learnt a thing.”

“Xander, this is magic, you don’t understand. You got it all wrong, now I’m here I can fix it. You misunderstood what happened, but once you’re better you can come home with us.”

“I know exactly what happened Willow; and I am home.”

“We’re both home.” The sudden sound of Tara’s gentle voice startled everyone; Willow paled and looked like she couldn’t believe her eyes.

“Tara, honey. Oh Goddess it’s you. It’s really you.” Willow made to step towards her former lover only to find herself stopped by a hand on her arm.

“Don’t even think about it Willow.”

“Angel let go of me.”

“Not until you get yourself under control, you don’t go near Tara. Understand?”

“That’s not your decision it’s hers.”

“Damn right it her choice; and she doesn’t want you touching her.” Buffy tried to interfere only to be stopped when Cordelia and the others drew their hidden weapons and levelled them in her direction. Sure that they wouldn’t actually shoot her; Buffy blocked their line of fire, whilst Willow wrenched her arm free and headed straight for Tara. Only to be grabbed again before she even got close.

“Not so fast Red. The lady said she didn’t want you touching her.”

Willow and Buffy both shot poisonous looks at the newcomer, “Faith!”

tbc….
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Out Of Memory, Loss