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Been Here Too Few Years	By : addielogan Category: > Buffy/Spike(William) > Buffy/Spike(William) Views: 18659 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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As soon as Buffy walked
out of her bedroom, she smelled pancakes. A wary frown on her face, she made
her way to the kitchen, stopping short when she saw her sister at the stove.
"You're cooking? Did you call the fire department and ask them to stand on
alert first?"
Dawn
looked over at Buffy and rolled her eyes. "Sheesh, wake up on the wrong
side of the bed much? They're just-add-water pancakes, Buffy. Even I can manage
those. Besides, I'm making them because I thought you might be hungry after
leaving your dinner all untouched on the coffee table last night."
"Oh. Yeah. About that," Buffy replied,
looking down so as to avoid her sister's gaze. "I saw something on
television that sort of�made me lose my appetite."
Dawn removed a pancake from the skillet with a
spatula, then moved in to add another spoonful of
batter. "Was it someone eating bugs? I know I lose my appetite every time
I turn on the television and see someone eating bugs." She shivered.
"Actually,
I saw�" Buffy paused and looked up. "Well, I saw Spike."
"Oh?"
Dawn asked, her back going a little straighter.
"Yeah. It was a live
interview and a live performance. I'm pretty sure the song was about me, and it
hit me sort of hard." Several beats of silence passed through in the
kitchen until Buffy asked, "How is he?"
"We've
never really talked about your relationship," Dawn said as she started on
another pancake.
"I
know, and I'm not trying to pull you in the middle of anything. I just� I want
to know if he's really okay�from someone who actually knows him."
Dawn
stared down at the pancake, watching the batter bubble. "He's doing all
right. Better now than he was for a while."
"I
want him to be all right," Buffy said, her voice sounding small even
though she didn't want it to.
"He
is."
Silence
hung between the sisters again before Buffy cleared her throat. "I'm going
to go take a quick shower, and then I'll come out and eat breakfast, all
right?"
"Yeah,
okay," Dawn replied, flipping another pancake onto the plate. "I
should be done with them by then."
Buffy
turned and started towards the bathroom, but stopped short when she heard Dawn
call after her.
"Buffy?"
"Yeah?"
"I
don't think he loves her. Not really anyway."
Buffy's
throat tightened on her, and she couldn't find the words to respond.

*** *** ***
"So how about dinner
on Saturday?"
Buffy looked up from her desk as she heard
the door click shut, then Robin's question. He was leaning against the
now-closed door, a charming smile on his face.
"I can't do Saturday," Buffy
replied. "And you in here with my door shut�office gossip fodder."
Robin's smile grew at the last part. "I
can just yell at you on the way out and make everyone think you're in trouble.
And why can't you do Saturday?"
"Don't you dare.
And because I have to be in Sunnydale. My mother's
decided to throw a big birthday party for my step-father,
despite the fact he swears he really doesn't want one. She feels like we've
never properly celebrated his birthday�it's a whole big thing. Anyway, partying
with my parents is where I will be."
"Oh. Next weekend
then?"
Buffy started to respond, but stopped
quickly. Robin was a nice, attractive man�why was she keeping him at arms'
length? He was the best guy she'd met since Spike, and really, did she want
to be alone? Even if Spike didn't really love Eve as Dawn had claimed, he
wasn't exactly trying to talk Buffy into giving their relationship a second go
either. She and Spike had been over for three years now, and Buffy knew it was
time for her to move on.
"Why don't
you come with me?"
Robin blinked. "To your step-father's birthday party?"
"Yeah. I know, it's probably not
the most exciting social event of the season, but�"
"I'd love to
go," Robin said quickly. "I was just a little surprised you offered.
You've been going sort of hot and cold on me, so I wasn't expecting an invite
to meet the parents."
"I know I
have been. And it hasn't been because of you. I like you. But I've been
hurt pretty badly in the past, so I'm skittish, you know?"
Robin walked away
from the door and towards her, coming around the desk to crouch beside her.
"I've picked up on that. But I like you, too, Buffy, and I think you're
someone who's worth having some patience for. However, if you're inviting me to
this thing because you feel like you have to, don't. I'll keep waiting until
you're ready."
"No, that's
not why. I want you to be there." Buffy looked into his eyes and swallowed
hard. "It's time for me to make a real step towards moving on�and that's
something I want to do with you."
"Then I'll go
with you." Robin rose to his feet and dropped a chaste kiss on the top of
Buffy's head. He then walked over to the door, announcing loudly as he opened
it, "So you'll have that on my desk by lunch?"
Buffy couldn't
help but chuckle. "Yeah, I will."
His back turned to
everyone but Buffy, Robin winked before turning around and walking out.

*** *** ***
"I invited
Robin to the thing for Giles this weekend."
Across the table,
Dawn froze, pizza hanging inches from her mouth for a beat before she put the
slice back on her plate and looked over at her sister. "Don't you think
that's going to be a little awkward?"
Buffy shrugged.
"Meet the parents is always kind of awkward, but
I like Robin, and I think it'll be okay."
"I meant with
Spike being there and all."
At that, Buffy
went completely pale. "What?! Spike's going to be
there?"
"Well, yeah.
It is his father's party. You didn't know? I thought you knew and just didn't
want to talk about it," Dawn replied.
"No, I didn't
know!" Buffy leaned back in her chair, running her hands through her hair
as she began to breathe spastically. "Oh god, I can't� I didn't�" She
looked up again. "Dawnie, I haven't seen him in three years!"
"Buffy,
calm down before you hyperventilate, okay? It'll be all right."
"How can this
be all right? The last time we saw each other, it was all bad and�" Buffy
stopped, taking a deep breath and forcing herself to calm down like Dawn had
said. It was hard with her heart racing the way it was�
"Maybe it'll
be better then to have Robin there," Buffy said after several deep
breaths. "Spike will know I've moved on, and that I'm completely fine
now."
Dawn said nothing,
but she couldn't stop her eyebrow from arching. People who were
"completely fine" didn't have panic attacks at the mere mention of
seeing their ex again.
"Will Eve be
there?" Buffy asked softly, turning her eyes down to her pizza as she
picked at a mushroom.
"No,"
Dawn replied. "She's somewhere in Europe�Spain, I think. She's filming
some big historical epic thing."
Buffy started
breathing a little easier. "Well, good. And Mom's
inviting a lot of people, right? Maybe I won't even have to talk to him."
"I bet you
can avoid him all day," Dawn said, even though she knew that was going to
be completely impossible. The party was being held in Giles and Joyce's
backyard�what was Buffy going to do, hide behind a garden gnome?
"Right, so
I'll avoid him, and I'll have Robin there as a distraction, and everything will
be fine. Perfectly, completely fine. Besides, he probably
doesn't even want to talk to me." Buffy looked sharply towards Dawn again.
"Does he want to talk to me?"
"I don't
know," Dawn answered honestly. "We don't really talk about you,
Buffy. The break-up left him pretty raw."
Buffy couldn't fight
the clenching in her stomach at Dawn's reply. "Dawnie, when Spike and I
broke up�"
"Things were
rough for you guys, I know," Dawn said quickly. "I totally get
that." Dawn cleared her throat. "He's not drinking anymore. I mean, I
think he has an occasional beer now and then, but it's nothing like it used to
be. He's really gotten his act together there."
"I
know," Buffy replied. "But more than that drove us apart. Things were
really bad there for a while, but his drinking wasn't the only problem. It didn't
make things any better, but we had other issues, and in the end, they proved to
be more than we could make it through." Buffy frowned, something about her
words seeming hollow to her own ears.
"So you don't
think that maybe you two could ever�"
"No, Dawnie.
That isn't going to happen," Buffy said, knowing where Dawn was going with
her question. The younger Summers sister had taken
Buffy and Spike's break-up almost as hard as Buffy herself had, being
completely convinced the two of them were meant to be. She'd begged Buffy in
the early weeks to call Spike and tell him she wanted to get back together with
him, but Buffy had told her over and over again that it just wasn't possible.
She and Spike were
over, and that was the way it had to be from now on.
"Maybe you
two could talk," Dawn said eagerly, not wanting to give up on something
she still firmly believed in. "I mean, people can
change a lot in three years. Maybe the things that were problems before won't
be problems anymore."
"I don't
think so," Buffy replied, the twisting knots in her stomach seeming to
grow.
"But�"
"No,
Dawn," Buffy said firmly. "Just�no."
Silence fell over
the table as the two sisters finished their dinner.

*** *** ***
Buffy stood
outside the car, her hand resting on the top of the open passenger's side door
and her eyes fixated on some point off in the distance.
"We can still
not do this, you know. I won't hold it against you if you would rather I stay
behind."
The sound of
Robin's voice snapped Buffy to attention, and she looked quickly at him over
the hood of the car. "No, I want you to go, really. Sorry, I just zoned.
I'm all spacey Buffy today."
"Are you
sure?" Robin asked with a frown. "There really is no pressure here,
Buffy. If you've changed your mind about wanting me to meet your family�"
"I haven't
changed my mind about that at all," Buffy insisted, pushing a smile onto
her face. "Really, the more I think about this, the better of an idea I
think it is."
She wondered if he
could hear the lie in her voice. Buffy knew this whole thing had no chance of
being anything but a disaster. No matter how much she tried to tell herself she
could spend the day tactfully avoiding Spike, she knew him well enough to
actually know better. If he wanted to talk to her, no amount of hiding was
going to stop him. And even if they had been broken up for three years, Buffy
didn't think there was any way Spike wouldn't be jealous seeing her with
another man. She couldn't think of anything worse than Spike acting like an ass
instead of a mature adult who had moved on.
Unless
he did act like a mature adult who
had moved on�
Buffy knew deep
down, even if she didn't like admitting it even to herself, that what worried
her the most about seeing Spike again was not the idea of him still having feelings
for her, but the fear that he wouldn't. As much as she said she wanted him to
be over her, the thought of him actually
being over her cut deeply. How could she ever look into his eyes and see them
without love for her?
"Well, if
you're really sure, let's go then." Robin said, pulling Buffy out of her
thoughts.
"I'm really
sure," Buffy insisted. And to prove it, she got into the car and shut the
door behind her.

*** *** ***
Don't worry,
there's not going to be any graphic stuff with Spike and Eve or Buffy and
Robin. This story is still Spuffy, so don't freak out on me about other
pairings.
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Been Here Too Few Years