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Been Here Too Few Years	By : addielogan Category: > Buffy/Spike(William) > Buffy/Spike(William) Views: 18659 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Buffy wasn't sure why she currently had
Spike's producer sitting in her living room. She wondered if she should offer
him a drink�perhaps a cup of tea�but something about the man made her not want
to be particularly hospitable.
Quentin Travers shifted on her couch,
wincing slightly as he did, as if having to sit on such a piece of furniture
was beneath him, then turned his gaze onto Buffy.
"I'm going to cut right to the chase, Miss Summers, since this is a matter
of some importance."
Buffy's stomach did a flip. Was Spike in
trouble? She knew he'd been drinking nights, but he always seemed sober enough
when he came home. What if she was wrong, and he'd
been getting drunk in the studio, too? Was the rift in their relationship
causing problems for his album as well? "What's going on?" Buffy
asked.
"I've already discussed this with
Spike, but he was rather�headstrong about the matter. I thought perhaps
you would be more willing to listen to reason." Travers cleared his
throat. "It has come to the attention of the label that you and Spike are,
in fact, step-siblings. Now, I know the two of you care a great deal for each
other, but I believe you're going to have to think about just how much you want
to cope with for the sake of your relationship. Spike is going to become a
public figure in a very short amount of time, and when that happens, the media
is going to snap up this story like a rabid dog with a bone. Something like
this could very well kill his career before it even gets a chance to fully take
off."
Quentin's words took Buffy completely by
surprise. She'd never even considered their relationship becoming a
problem in such a way. "But I'm not really Spike's
stepsister," Buffy protested. "Our parents didn't marry until we were
already older, and Spike lived in England for the entire time I was still at
home."
"I realize that, Miss Summers, but I
doubt the tabloids will give such a generous spin to the story. The label would
do what it could to protect Spike's image, of course, but we're looking at a PR
nightmare. If things get too out of hand, the label may be forced drop the band
completely."
Buffy was beginning to feel genuinely ill.
She could ruin Spike's career simply by being with him? "I love
him," Buffy said softly.
"I'm certain you do, but sometimes to
love someone is to do what's best for them," Travers replied. "I'm
not telling you you must end things with Spike, but I wanted you to be
fully aware of the situation before it began."
Buffy only nodded, unable to respond.
Travers stood. "I'll see myself out
then. Good day, Miss Summers."
Buffy jumped at the sound of the door
closing. After everything that had been going on for the past couple of weeks,
now they had this to add to the mess? Could things really get as bad as Travers
had insinuated? Would their relationship be the death of Spike's career?
She had to see him. She'd never liked going
to the studio�the fear of distracting him too much kept her away�but Buffy knew
it was time to break that personal rule. She'd gone too long already, and now
everything was even worse. Travers had told her he'd already spoken to Spike
about this, and she needed to know what had happened there.
She needed to see Spike now�

***
*** ***
Buffy took a taxi to the studio, but once
she got there, she couldn't seem to bring herself to go inside. What was she
going to say to him exactly? Your producer thinks our relationship is
completely wrong and will ruin your career�what are your thoughts on the
matter?
"Buffy? What are you doing standing out
here?"
She looked up sharply at the sound of the
familiar voice, then did her best to smile. "Hey, Mona. I was here looking for Spike."
"He's inside, working on a new
song," Mona replied. "Apparently he recently wrote one the other guys
liked so much they worked it onto the album."
"Oh," Buffy said. "Will he be
busy for a while?"
"Depends," Mona answered.
"Sometimes they get everything done pretty quickly, and sometimes they
struggle to get it just right."
"Do you come up here a lot?" Buffy
asked.
"I like listening to Rory play. I just
stay out of their way until they go on break." She smiled. "The band
sends me on food runs, too."
Buffy chuckled slightly, then
sobered. "I always figured I'd be in Spike's way."
"I doubt it," Mona said.
"Spike likes having you around, I know. Hey, do you want to listen to
them? There's a room set up where we can hear them playing without bugging
them. There's a two-way mirror. The big-wigs stand around in there when they
come to check up on the band's progress, but it's unoccupied right now."
Buffy thought about it for a moment before
she nodded her assent and followed Mona into the studio. She was more than a
little curious about this new song Spike had recently written. He hadn't
mentioned one�not that they talked about much of anything these days anyway�but
given their current situation, she didn't think she was being self-centered to
figure it was most likely about them.
They hadn't started playing yet when Mona
and Buffy came into the listening room, and Buffy watched the band through the
two-way mirror as they got ready to start. She felt a little odd watching Spike
like this when he didn't know she was there, but as they settled and she heard
the first notes, she stopped caring, focusing instead on Spike and what he was
singing.
"Are we done
for now,

Or is this for good?

Will there be something in time,

With us there should.

Only girl for me is you.

There can be no other one.

If I didn't have faith,

I would come undone.

So much promise in your eyes,

Seems that I can only see.

It only makes me wonder

If you save it all for me�"
The first verse,
and Buffy already felt tears pricking her eyes. She had no doubt now the song
was about them, and the first two lines stuck in her
mind, making her heart feel heavy. Are we done for now, or is this for good?
It didn't really matter when you got right down to it�either way, they were
done�
"Maybe you do.

Maybe you don't.

Maybe you should.

Probably won't...

'Cause there will be...

"There will be other guys

Who will whisper in your ear,

Say they'll take away your sadness

And your fear.

They may be kind and true.

They may be good for you.

But they'll never care for you

More than I do."
She began to cry in
earnest, and though she tried to turn and hide her reaction from Mona, she knew
the other woman wasn't at all fooled. Buffy didn't know why
Spike couldn't seem to understand why she didn't want any other men. She
knew no one else would ever care for her the way Spike did, and she
didn't want to be in a relationship that could only pale in comparison to the
one she had now.
"I'll be
always there,

There to the end.

I can't do much,

But be your one true friend

To the end

To the end

Our lives to spend

With each other 'till the end

Of time..."
That was what she wanted�forever
with Spike. She wanted things to be the way they were only a few weeks before
when she'd had no doubt about them being able to last until the end of time.
But she wanted Spike as more than her "one true friend." She wanted
him as her lover, her partner�her everything. Did Spike not that want
that anymore�or did he not think it was possible? She wondered when exactly
he'd talked to Quentin Travers, and if Spike was still mulling over leaving her
because of it. Or was he just tired of living with her with how things had
gotten between them?
"Still see the
promise in your eyes,

And still wonder if it's for me.

But I know it's still there,

Even when you sleep.

"So I say,

Goodnight, Sweet Girl."
Buffy let out a
small, choked sob at the end of the song, her hand going over her mouth. What
did he mean by the last part? How could he wonder it anything she felt
was for him, and him alone? Still, the general message of the song seemed to be
clear. It wasn't optimistic�.
Goodnight, Sweet
Girl�
Goodbye�
Are we done for
now, or is this for good?
They were done�
"I need to
go," Buffy said, turning away from the two-way mirror. "I can't�I
can't be here."
"Buffy,
what's wrong? What's going on?" Mona asked, coming closer to Buffy. She'd
been able to tell something was up with Spike, and everyone had assumed it was
somehow related to Buffy, but no one had gotten any details. Mona had thought
it might be stress from Buffy's mother being sick, but from the looks of things
now, it was something more.
"I don't even
know," Buffy said as her face crumpled. "I just need to go home
now." She started towards the door, but stopped when she heard Mona call
to her.
"How did you
get here today? Did you take a cab?"
Buffy turned
towards Mona and nodded. "Yeah. I'll call for another one."
"No, sweetie,
let me drive you home," Mona said, putting her arm around Buffy. Buffy
didn't protest, but instead let Mona lead her out of the studio and drive her
back to the apartment.
Buffy was silent
the whole way, even as they walked to the door. Mona followed her in anyway,
and Buffy didn't protest, just went in and sat on the couch, a distant look in
her eyes. It was obvious she wasn't up for company, but at the same time, Mona
couldn't bring herself to leave the girl alone�not when she was like this.
Instead, she went into the kitchen and fixed a pot of tea, then brought Buffy a
cup.
"Here, this
will help soothe you a bit," Mona told Buffy as she handed her a mug of
tea, then took a seat near Buffy on the couch.
"Thank
you," Buffy replied softly, then slowly sipped the dark liquid, careful
not to burn herself.
Mona's heart
definitely went out to Buffy. Nothing hurt more than a rift between you and
someone you genuinely loved� "You know," Mona said after a few
moments, "Sometimes when Rory and I hit a rough patch, he writes songs
about it�but they're not always a clear window into what he's thinking. He
pours all the negative emotions out without really thinking about it, just so
he can get them out. It doesn't necessarily mean he feels exactly like what
he's writing. It doesn't make it the whole truth."
Buffy nodded, her
hands tight around the mug. She understood what Mona was saying, but she didn't
believe it was the case in this instance�not with how bad things had gotten
with Spike recently. It had felt like things were really over, even if she
hadn't been willing to admit it.
"Spike really
loves you, Buffy. Whatever's going on with the two of you right now, that
hasn't changed."
"I love him,
too," Buffy said softly, though in her mind she added, "But
sometimes love isn't enough�"
Mona cleared her
throat. "Buffy, I've been with Rory since, well, since we were kids,
really. A long freaking time� And there were some points when it was all I
could do to keep from killing the man, never mind staying in the
relationship. But I did�and you know why? Because I love him. And real
love, it's not a pretty thing. It's not like in a fairytale where a kiss can
make all the problems go away. It's work, Buffy�hard work. But
it's worth working for. If you find someone who can make you feel even a
fraction of what you and Spike obviously feel for each other, then
you've gotta do the work. No good can come from letting it go, even if it seems
like it might be easier at the time."
Buffy's only
response was another soft nod, though she knew what good could come from her
leaving now�Spike would still have a shot at his career. How could she stay
when she knew their relationship could ruin everything for him? Besides, as bad
as things had gotten, she didn't think Spike would even want to risk it
all for her anymore.
Mona could tell
Buffy wasn't completely listening to her, but if Buffy couldn't take her
advice, there wasn't much else she could do. She couldn't force Buffy to
see reason, as much as she may want to. It broke her heart to think of anything
coming between two people who were clearly so much in love, and she hoped
they'd start to see reason soon. Maybe Spike would be more willing to listen to
her than Buffy�
"I need to
get back to the studio," Mona told Buffy as she gently patted her leg.
"They'll be getting hungry soon. If you need anything at all, call my cell
phone, all right? I'll be here as quickly as I can."
"Okay,"
Buffy replied. "Thanks for bringing me home. And for the tea."
"You're
welcome." Mona stood up. "Think about what I said, too, okay?"
"I will. Bye,
Mona."
Mona gave her a
sad smile. "Bye, Buffy."

*** *** ***
The song in this
chapter is "Goodnight Sweet Girl" by Ghost of the Robot, which means
yes, James Marsters actually sings it. If you haven't heard it and want to,
there's a Spuffy music video that uses it on this site: http://www.mysideyourside.co.uk/cybermintz/
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Been Here Too Few Years