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Been Here Too Few Years	By : addielogan Category: > Buffy/Spike(William) > Buffy/Spike(William) Views: 18659 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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After Spike left the apartment, Buffy fixed
herself a cup of coffee and brought it in to the dining area, sitting down at
the table with sunlight trickling in on her through the Venetian blinds.
She'd expected to start crying again when she'd
left the kitchen, but instead she sat in the chair, staring forward as she
sipped her coffee and feeling numb.
The past week had been too much for her. It
was emotional overload, and all she wanted to do now was find
somewhere to hide from the world until it could all go away.
She didn't know what to do about her mother,
and she didn't know what to do about Spike. From the looks of things, her
mother was now on the road to recovery, which meant all the promises of
"later" they'd made to each other were rapidly turning into those of
"soon." Buffy felt guilty the moment the thought crossed her mind,
but in some ways it had been easier when things had been direr with her mother.
She hadn't had to think then�just feel. But now Joyce was going to get better,
and they'd have to face their problems and try to work through them. Yet could
they? After coming so close to losing her mother, Buffy knew she didn't want to
write Joyce out of her life completely, but what sort of relationship could
they have? Would it always been tinged by heartache and mistrust, or would they
be able to come to build something new.
Buffy let out a long sigh,
her hand tightening around the ceramic handle of her coffee mug. She wasn't ready to think about that yet. It was too
much now when she was just starting to process that her mother had made it
through the surgery alive and her prognosis was good. She could contemplate
repercussions later. "Soon" had yet to fully become "now."
Yet pushing away those thoughts brought the
other bit of current unpleasantness to her mind�Spike and his less than
appealing behavior the night before. It hadn't been the first time she'd seen
him drunk, nor was it the first time they'd had an argument with him under the
influence. But it was the first time it had hit her so hard. Even with his
jealous tendencies, Spike had never once accused Buffy of actually sleeping
around on him before. His bouts of jealousy always seemed to be directed
towards the other men, and while at times his behavior could get embarrassing
enough to piss her off, he'd never directly accused her of being less than
faithful.
Buffy knew it had been primarily the alcohol
talking, but she couldn't bring herself to place all the blame there. For it to
even enter his mind�sober or no�he had to have been thinking about it at some
point. Did Spike really think she'd
so quickly jump into bed with another man whom she barely even knew? And if he
did, then did that mean she'd underestimated the level of his jealousy in the
past? Had Spike always thought her
capable of so callously betraying what they had together?
Her hands trembled as she brought her mug
back up to her lips, and Buffy decided she wasn't going to allow herself to
think that was true. Spike had to have more trust in her than that, didn't he?
She could trust him with all his screaming, panty-throwing groupies, after all.
The women did bother her�she could admit that, at least to herself�but it had
never been because she really thought
Spike would hop into bed with them. She just wanted the skanks
to back the hell away from her man. Simple as that. It made her inner Cave Buffy less than happy
to see some other woman trying to make Spike hers, but not because she didn't
think Spike loved her enough to control himself.
Buffy tensed, her mug almost falling from
her hands. Was that what Spike's problem was? Had she not made it clear to him
how much she loved him? Her insides twisted as that fear crept over her. She
knew she wasn't really good at expressing herself, not the way Spike was. He
always knew just how to make her feel loved, and she'd feared she'd never be
able to do the same for him. Was that what his problem was now? Had she been so
wrapped up in her own problems she hadn't taken the time to let Spike know he
was loved?
They hadn't made love in close to a week
now, and Buffy knew Spike well enough to know how important physical contact
was to him. He needed both a physical and emotional connection, the two too
intertwined for him to separate them. Plus, without the release their frequent
lovemaking usually afforded him, he had to be tense. Buffy knew she sure was�
She made up her mind as to what she needed
to do. Buffy didn't want to keep fighting with Spike. It had been one time, and
everyone was entitled to a little freak out now and then. Yes, it had hurt, but
drawing it out would only hurt more. He was obviously sorry, and Buffy really wanted to forgive him. It was easier to
push it out of her mind, not to keep hurting longer than she needed to. The
more she thought about it, the more she could rationalize it. She hadn't been
giving Spike enough attention, and he was feeling insecure. That was fixable.
And that's what they'd do when he got
home�they'd fix things. She'd make sure Spike knew she still wanted him and only him, and everything would be fine.
Buffy set her coffee mug back on the table,
determined to make this work.

***
*** ***
Spike sat in a chair in the studio, his head
in his hands. Brian had thrown his second fit in a row, and had subsequently
stormed out again. It seemed he now
thought Spike was the problem in the band, and that he was trying to take over
despite the fact he wasn't even an original member.
Quentin Travers, their producer, had been
furious to lose yet another day of recording time, and had informed the band
that they had one of three options: they could make Brian behave himself, find
a new guitar player, or forget about the album.
Rory and Oz were currently out tracking
Brian down in hopes of talking some sense into him.
"Spike, can I speak to you in my office
for a moment?"
Spike looked up sharply at the sound of
Quentin's clipped tone. "Uh, yeah," he replied as he got to his feet
and followed the older man into the office. A quick bolt of fear went through him
as Quentin shut the door, and Spike knew there was no way whatever this
conversation was about was going to be good�not with the week he'd been having.
"Have a seat," Quentin said as he
walked behind his desk and gestured to the chair in front of him.
Spike did as he was told, albeit with
uncertainty. "Is this about Brian?" Spike asked. "Because�"
"No, it isn't about Brian,"
Travers said, cutting Spike off before informing him bluntly, "It's about
your current relationship."
Spike blinked. "My what? What about it?"
Travers clasped his hands in front of him
and cleared his throat. "It has come to the attention of the label that
you're currently involved with your step-sister."
"Buffy's not my step-sister,"
Spike said quickly, the response automatic.
Quentin frowned. "So her mother is not married to your father?"
Spike had didn't like the sinking feeling he
was getting in his stomach. "Yeah, that's true, but she's not my
step-sister."
"Do I need to show you the dictionary
definition of the term 'step-sister?'" Travers asked, his eyebrow arching.
"No, you don't," Spike snapped,
his control on his anger barely there. "Buffy and I are both adults, and
have been for the duration of my father's marriage. We were not raised as
siblings and have never viewed each other as such. There's nothing wrong with
our relationship."
"I'm afraid some people might not see
it that way."
"Sod
'some people' then," Spike
thought, though his response to Quentin was, "Are you telling me to leave
Buffy?"
Travers leaned back in his chair, his hands
still clasped. "No, I'm not telling you to do anything except think about
what this could do to your career, especially now that you're just starting
out. If your album is as successful as we here at Watcher Records are counting
on, then your life is about to become a very different one, Spike�one in which
the media is watching your every move. Your involvement with someone who is technically your step-sister is
something that could very easily cause a PR backlash
you may not want to deal with."
Spike frowned. He hadn't thought of that,
although now that he had, he didn't really care. Buffy was the most important
thing in his life, simple as that. Spike stood, bracing his hands against the
desk. "If that happens, I'll deal with it. I love Buffy, and if it came
down to her or my career as a musician, she'd win, no
fight."
Quentin blinked. He'd forgotten how foolish
lovesick young men could be. "It was merely meant as a friendly warning,
Spike. Think about your priorities. Women come and go�the opportunity I'm
offering you comes once in a lifetime."
"Not women like Buffy," Spike
insisted, shaking his head.
Quentin opened his mouth to respond, but
stopped when he heard voices from outside the office. "Well, it seems your
wayward guitar player has been returned. No need to waste anymore of my
valuable time." He stood, walking towards the door but stopping when he
reached Spike. "I know right now you probably want to rip my head off, but
when you cool down, think about what I've said. We're trying to make you a
household name here, and I don't think you realize how that's going to change
your life. Very little will be private anymore. Do you
really want to give the vultures a
reason to descend?"
Before Spike could formulate an answer,
Quentin had left the office. Spike frowned, the sickening feeling in the pit of
his stomach growing.

***
*** ***
Spike did think about what Quentin had said,
though he wasn't sure his thoughts were quite what the producer had been going
for. He wasn't worried about his career. He'd make it or he wouldn't, and he
wasn't going to sacrifice his relationship with Buffy in order to influence the
outcome.
What he was worried about was her. He hadn't
really thought about the effect his possible fame would have on their lives,
but now Travers had him thinking about just that�and how Buffy would be able to
handle it. If their relationship did
become tabloid fodder, would it be too much for Buffy? Would she want to live
that sort of life? And what if the media did jump all over the idea of her
being his step-sister and paint their relationship as something sordid? Would
Buffy be able to handle her name being dragged through the mud?
It was one more straw piling on top of an
increasingly overburdened camel's back, and Spike didn't know how to handle it.
He already had more than enough stress, and yet it seemed as if everywhere he
turned, he found more.
He should go home to Buffy, talk to her, see what her feelings were about the whole thing. But the
fight they'd had earlier was still fresh in his mind, and he wasn't sure what
he'd be coming home to. If Buffy was still angry�which Spike was almost certain
she would be�then adding this to it could be just what it would take to drive
her away.
Spike couldn't go home then. He was too much
on edge and too afraid of what he'd find when he got there. He needed some time
to clear his head, to relax, distress.
He needed a drink�
Spike turned his car away from the apartment
and towards the nearest bar.

***
*** ***
It was after midnight before Buffy gave up
waiting. Dinner was cold, she was tired�anything she'd had planned was ruined
now anyway.
Refusing to let herself
cry, Buffy got up and went to bed alone.

***
*** ***
Yes, this is moving into some serious angst
territory here, but I hope you'll be willing to stick it out with me.
Please take a moment to review!
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Been Here Too Few Years