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Been Here Too Few Years	By : addielogan Category: > Buffy/Spike(William) > Buffy/Spike(William) Views: 18659 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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By the time Buffy got back to Los Angeles,
she was worried about Spike. He'd never called her back, and she seriously
doubted he'd spent the entire night in the studio. She figured it was possible
he'd gotten home so late he thought he'd be bothering her by calling, but now
it was well into the afternoon of the next day, and she still hadn't heard from him.
She tried not to think the worst, but she
couldn't keep her mind from coming up with a myriad of horrible scenarios for most
of the bus trip and then the cab ride after that. The last time she'd spoken to
him had been Monday night when he'd gotten back to L.A. from Sunnydale�and
anything could've happened since then.
Buffy breathed a small sigh of relief when
she saw Spike's DeSoto parked outside their apartment, but comfort was
short-lived as her brain reminded her of the at-home traumas which could've
happened to Spike. For all she knew, he'd slipped in the shower, hit his head,
and died.
She paid the cab driver quickly, then rushed up the stairs to their door, fumbling with her
keys for a moment before she was able to get inside. She gasped when she saw
the apartment, her first thought being it had been
ransacked. Nothing looked broken, but some of the furniture had been knocked
over and several things had been pushed off tables and on to the ground.
Then, she noticed something else: empty beer
and liquor bottles. She dropped her bag to the ground, fuming as she looked
around and noticed her boyfriend was nowhere in sight. She was angry at herself
for actually worrying about him and
angry at him for being enough of a jerk to make
her worry. "Spike!" she yelled. "Where the hell are you?"
She heard banging noises from the bedroom,
and Spike soon emerged through the hallway. "And she's home," he
muttered, leaning against the wall for support.
"Well, yeah. I do live here after
all," Buffy snapped, one hand going to her hip as the other gestured to
the mess. "What the hell is all
of this? Were you on a bender?"
"Still am, luv," Spike replied
with a drunken laugh.
Buffy threw her hands up in exasperation.
"I leave you alone for two days and this is what I come home to?
Dammit, Spike, what's wrong with you?"
"Wasn't sure you'd be comin'
home," Spike replied. "Thought maybe you'd stay, shag the
wanker-doctor. See what it's like in those beds that go up an' down."
Buffy's jaw dropped. "That is what all this is about? Ben? Dammit, Spike, I thought you were
over this!"
"Could've been if you hadn't been all
over 'im, laughin' and showin'
him your pretty lil' smile. Did you fuck 'im, Buffy?"
She reeled back as if Spike had slapped her.
"What?! No!"
"Why not? Would've been a good way to show how thankful you are for all 'is help,
wouldn't it?"
Tears pricked her eyes, and Buffy's stomach
rolled. "No! I don't want him, Spike!" She stopped, shaking her head
and the hot tears began to run down her cheeks. "You want to know what
happened with Ben?" Buffy yelled. "He came
over to talk to me while I was sitting alone in the hospital, and I came right
out and told him before he could even
make a real move that nothing would ever
happen between us because I'm very much in love with my sweet, wonderful
boyfriend." She let out a deep, shuddering breath. "Maybe I was wrong
about that last part."
Spike's mood changed immediately at Buffy's
confession, and he blinked as he softened towards her.
"Buffy�kitten�"
Buffy held up her hand. "No, Spike. I'm
not putting up with this shit right now. I'm tired and drained after spending
the last few days in the hospital with my mother, and I just want to
sleep."
Spike moved towards her, but Buffy stepped
away from him, holding out her arms to keep him back. "Just stay away from
me right now. I can't stand you when you're like this."
He looked at her, hurt. "Luv�"
"Leave me alone, Spike," Buffy
said as she turned and ran into the bedroom, locking the door behind her.
It wasn't long before Spike had followed her
and was banging on the door, calling to her, but Buffy stayed on the bed,
sobbing into her pillow.
Eventually, Spike gave up, and the room grew
quiet again. Buffy rolled over, silent tears sliding down her cheeks as she
stared at the blank wall.

***
*** ***
It was the next morning before Buffy left
the bedroom, and she was relieved to find Spike asleep on the couch, both
because she didn't feel like talking yet and because she'd been afraid he'd
leave while he was drunk and something bad would happen to him.
She started fixing a pot of coffee, fighting
back a fresh wave of tears as she did. Spike was rarely like he had been the
night before, but when he was� Buffy shook her head. Spike wasn't a bad
boyfriend. He didn't get drunk all the time, and he'd
never once been violent with her�nor did she have any reason to believe he ever
would be. His drinking was a problem when he was drunk, but it wasn't something
that had taken over their lives.
What bothered her the
most about the previous night�and what had crying now�wasn't Spike's
drunkenness. It was what he'd said to
her. She knew a lot of it was the alcohol talking, but she didn't think those
thoughts would've come to the surface if they hadn't been somewhere in his mind
already. Did he really think she'd be so quick to hop into bed with another
man?
She braced herself against the kitchen
counter, gripping the edge of it with both hands as her body shook with the
force of her tears. She couldn't remember a time in their relationship when
Spike had hurt her so much. His accusations after she'd done absolutely nothing
with Ben�they'd broken her heart.
Buffy knew the moment Spike came into the
kitchen, though she didn't turn to look at him. He hovered in the doorway for
long moments until he finally spoke.
"God�pet� Buffy, I'm sorry. I don't�
I'm so sorry."
The deep breath Buffy took came out a ragged
sob. "I wouldn't, Spike," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
"I wouldn't."
"I know. I never really thought you
did."
Buffy turned towards him, flinching at the
pain she saw in his eyes. She didn't want to feel bad for him now, not after
the way he'd treated her the night before.

"Why were you even like that last night, Spike?" she asked. "Why
in the world would you get that drunk
and then accuse me of sleeping with Ben? I thought you were over that!"
"I'm sorry, luv. I tried to be, I
really did. But�" He stopped for a moment, taking a deep breath and
closing his eyes before he opened them again and continued. "We finished
in the studio early Tuesday, and I didn't have to be back until Thursday, so I
came back to Sunnydale. I went to the hospital, saw you talking to Ben, and I�I
don't know, I just snapped, I guess."
Buffy gaped for a moment in disbelief before
she snapped, "So you what, saw me talking
to Ben, stormed out of the hospital without saying a word to me, and came home to get completely and totally
shitfaced?"
Spike shamefully avoided her angry gaze.
"Yes."
Buffy threw up her hands. "God, Spike,
this is just� I don't think I've ever been so mad at you."
His shoulders slumped. "I'm so sorry,
Buffy. I wish I could take it back."
"Yeah, well, you can't," Buffy
snapped.
Her words and tone made him flinch.
"Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I
don't really think any of what I said�I didn't mean any of it."
"I know, I just�" Buffy turned her
head away from him, her hands gripping the edge of the counter again. "I
can't talk about this right now, Spike. I'm still really hurt, and I can't� Later."
Spike nodded. "I'm supposed to be in
the studio today anyway, so I'll just leave and give you some time alone."
"That would be good."
Resigned, Spike left the kitchen.

***
*** ***
Spike sat in his car, the key in the
ignition but the engine off. He smacked the door hard with his fist, tears in
his eyes no matter how hard he tried to fight them.
He couldn't remember a time when he'd been
angrier with himself, even with all the stupid things he'd done in his life. He'd hurt Buffy� She hadn't done
anything, and he'd treated her like that�
Even with as drunk as he'd been the night
before, Spike could remember what had happened when Buffy came home clearly
enough. He remembered her telling him what had really happened with Ben, how she'd made it clear to the other man
that nothing would ever develop between them because she was already involved.
She'd told Ben her boyfriend was sweet and wonderful.
But
maybe she'd been wrong�
Spike wasn't convinced she hadn't been. He
certainly didn't feel sweet or wonderful. He felt like a right royal bastard.
And to top it all off, he was terrified.
Buffy had looked so hurt this morning, and he knew she had to feel betrayed.
What if she couldn't get over what he'd done? What if he'd just ruined
everything with one act of stupidity? He certainly wouldn't blame Buffy right
now if she left him. How many women would really want to be with a drunk who
hurled accusations at them as if they were nothing better than a common harlot?
His body shook with barely contained anger
and hurt. He couldn't lose Buffy. He
couldn't. She was his whole world, and the thought of living without the
light she'd brought into his life made his chest so tight he struggled to
breathe.
Spike wanted to fix it�but how could he?
Buffy was right. He couldn't take it back. The damage had been done.
"Bugger," Spike growled, his fist
coming down on the side of the steering wheel this time. The curse did little
to sum up what he felt at the moment, but he wasn't sure there was a word
strong enough anyway. For all he knew, his life could be already ruined. He
could come home tonight to find Buffy gone, out of his life. And then what
would he do? How would he go on?
He wanted to run back into the apartment, to
fall on his knees in front of her and beg her forgiveness, but Buffy had told
him she didn't want to talk to him then, and Spike knew he had to respect that.
If he didn't it could very possibly get worse.
If there was a worse�
Spike shook his head, trying to get a handle
on himself. He needed to try to focus on his work. His band mates were counting
on him, and he needed to get in the studio and get the album made. Buffy didn't
want him home now anyway, and maybe when he came back that evening, she
wouldn't want to walk out on him and would be ready to talk to him instead. She
hadn't told him it was over, hadn't thrown him out or said she was leaving.
Maybe she did just need a little time to deal with what had happened between
them.
He hoped that was the case. If she would
just let him try to make it up to her, to show her he didn't really think badly
of her at all� All he needed was a second chance, time to make things right
again. He could take away the pain he'd caused and show Buffy how much he
really did love her.
As he started his car and drove out of the
parking lot, Spike prayed he'd come home to that chance.

***
*** ***
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Been Here Too Few Years