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You've Got Spike	By : mshelly Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > Threesomes/Moresomes Views: 3235 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Everyone was gathered around the dinner table, and Xander was showered and looking pretty. Anya too. They’d even passed the Spike-sniff. Which, while sounding fun, wasn’t really. Sometimes he made you shower again. And then tossed out your new bottle of scent.

“No, no. Spike is doing really well. And the money is amazing. I’m sure whom ever he is working for is making way too much money off of him. And once he let it slip that he can speak all of those languages? Why! There's no stopping all the calls! I’m also sure we can set him up with his own 800 number and make even MORE money. Perhaps I can be his manager.”

“Oh, yes. And that would make you his, what? Pimp, Anya?” Willow asked, accepting the bowl of peas Anya held out.

“Pimp?” Anya picked up the platter of sliced meat. “Pimp?" Anya placed several slices of meat on her plate. "Well, I don’t think that’s the right word, is it Spike?” She handed off the platter. “Will you work in the flesh, so to speak? We really could make so much more money if we could sell your body and not just your voice.”

Tara took the platter and cleared her throat loudly, looking pointedly at Dawn.

“Oh! Yes. That would be prostitution and it’s, for some unfathomable reason, still illegal. So that’s a big no.” Anya smiled at Dawn. “Prostitution, while making much sense, is bad. And illegal. And often times, prostitutes are used by men in relationships and well, *that* just leads to vengence. Don’t become a prostitute, Dawn. Anyway,'s, 's, so far, a dead-end type of job; No medical or dental plan, as of yet.” She smiled. "But I do write my congressman about the possibilities of taxable income. So maybe one day, yes?"

“I think, luv, the witch was just hinting that we needed to change the whole tone of the conversation, in accord of our young guest, you understand.” Spike’s eyes went to Dawn.

“No, it’s okay.” Dawn grinned and added meat to her plate before passing along the platter. “Really." Dawn let her eyes roam the room, resting at each guest. "I know what Spike does. It’s some how managed to slip past the sneaky, don’t-let-Dawn-know-what’s-up-speak you guys all suck at. And besides, I can’t read through a page of my Penthouse Letters without seeing adds for Internet or phone sex.”

Silence interrupted only by Spike’s snickering.

“I’m just *kidding*, guys. I don’t read Penthouse Letters. Really I don’t.” She took a bite. "It's just that it's always next to the Hustler magazine, I so enjoy."

Anya nodded. “And you shouldn’t. Read those letters, I mean. I suspect most of them are totally fake.”

“Yes. Hence the fact that they all begin with, 'You’re not going to believe this, but'.” Giles began.

Silence.

"What? I can't read Penthouse Letters?" Giles snipped.

Anya picked it up, ignoring Giles' peeve. “Yes! And just what sort of doctors do these people go to, and why don’t they sue?”

“Dawnie?" Xander turned big watery brown eyes on her. "A little help here?” Xander implored her.

“Huh?” Fork halfway to her mouth she looked at Xander. “Oh. Right.” She put down her fork and reached over to cover Xander’s ears with her hands. She cleared her throat. “People? No talking about s. e. x. in front of the X. a. n. d. e. r.”

“Oh, yes, of course, what was I thinking? Terribly sorry.” Giles said around grin.

Willow, blushing. “I’m sorry. I forgot.”

Buffy stuck her tongue out at Xander. “Dawn never stops the sex talk for me! Why are you so special?”

Tara looked down. “I just wasn’t thinking. I wont do it again.”

Anya, grinning. “Right. This type of talk is for the bedroom, yes?”

“Or, for the Spike room. So sorry, Xany. Why don’t you all just eat and lavish me with praise?”

“Yes, we can do that. This is so tender. How’d you get lamb so tender?” Tara asked, savoring her bite.

Spike grinned. “Top secret, luv. Can’t tell.”

Xander eyed the meat on his plate and looked at Spike. Spike grinned at him. “You have to beat it.” Xander announced.

“Huh?”

All eyes on him now. Shit. “Tenderize. You have to tenderize the roast. Isn't that right, Spike?”

“Yes, luv. You have to beat it right and proper. What? Not eating?”

“Maybe just some vegetables.”

“Oh, sure luv.” Spike picked up a bowl and handed it down the line. “Carrots?”

“Are they, uh, *tender*?”

“You’re being awful weird, Xander.” Buffy told him around a mouthful of meat. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just fine. I think I’m gonna go vegetarian, though.”

Anya smiled. “That’s good, Xander. It’s much more healthy. I’m not going to, though. Meat tastes so good. But here, try some of this delicious salad. It’s only cucumbers, onions, and tomatoes, but it's wonderful. I think it's Spike’s special vinaigrette, that makes it so, tasty.”

“Of course it is.” Xander looked at Dawn. “So, Dawnie. Got any homework I can help you with after dinner? We can leave the grown ups alone and just, oh, I don’t know, do homework.”

“Yeah! I have to label diagrams of the male and female reproductive systems.” Dawn told him, snagging another piece of lamb. “It’s silly, I know, I mean, we already did this in the 5th grade, *hello teachers*, but we’re starting a new chapter in science and he have to start off with this stuff. As long as you can tell me where the vas deferens, the prostate gland, the clitoris and the g-spot are, we’ll be good to go.”

Xander choked, Dawn chewed away her grin and Spike snorted into his glass of blood-spiked wine.

Buffy glared at her little sister. “What? *I* can find a prostate, you know!” She glared at the eyes turned her way. "Well, I *can*."

“They teach the g-spot in school, now?” Anya asked ignoring Buffy. “That’s so clever. I remember when they only taught the bible.” She smiled and reached for a basket. “Roll, anyone? They're homemade. Spike made them. He didn't even open up that fun can that pops.”

Xander looked at Dawn. “You’re a mean little girl.”

“Now, now. We’ve upset Xander enough for one evening.” Giles said. “Let us turn to more pleasant topics of conversation. Buffy? What did you kill last night?”

tbc.
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You've Got Spike