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Know Who I Am	By : Paigie Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 4757 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
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Chapter List
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Here I am standing in front of Faith’s motel room again. After I left I did a quick sweep of one of the nearby cemeteries. I needed to distract myself from everything I learned tonight. It didn’t really work though. I took more hits then I normally do. I just couldn’t stop thinking about the look in that little girl’s eyes.
She looked so scared. Like she thought I was going to try to hurt her or something. Maybe Faith told her not to talk to strangers especially at night because they could be monsters. Or maybe Faith doesn’t let her around a lot of people. They live in a motel, a crappy motel at that, and the other people who check in here aren’t the most trust worthy. Then again she could’ve been scared because her mother was so angry. Whenever my mom would get pissed off I’d get scared.
I sigh and look down at my watch. It’s nine-fifteen. She told me to be here a little after nine, but what qualifies as ‘a little after’? Hopefully I’m not too early. I knock very softly and wait. I can hear people on the other side of the door. I recognize Faith’s voice but the guy doesn’t sound familiar. The door opens but Faith’s body is blocking my view of the room. I fight the urge to look over her shoulder.
“Hey,” she says and she sounds a little nervous. “Let’s motor.” I take it I won’t be meeting her boyfriend. I was hoping I would. I guess I’m jealous of him. Ok, so there’s no guessing about it. I’m jealous of him. Anyway, we walk away from the motel in silence and things are very awkward. In fact I think very is an understatement. Is there anything stronger then very? “So where do you wanna go?” Leave it up to me why don’t you?
“How about the park?” Yeah Faith, let’s take a romantic stroll in the park. We can hold hands and carve our initials inside of a heart with an arrow going through it on a tree. Yeah right, like that’ll ever happen. She has a family. Why would she leave that for me? She’s obviously straight, and I don’t have any idea how to take care of a kid.
“Ok,” she says and she sounds kinda weird. No, not weird, just…different. I don’t really know how to describe it. We start heading in the direction of the park and we’re both dead quiet. I hate that things are so tense and uncomfortable. Patrolling with Faith has always been fun, and that’s probably gone now. Things are always going to be weird between us now. They certainly can’t be the same as they were before I walked into her motel room. I wish they could, but they can’t.
“Ok,” she says in a ‘let’s get this over with’ kind of tone. We’re at the park now, and we’re walking down one of the paths. Hopefully we’ll find a bench soon because I really need to sit down. One vamp got a very lucky shot earlier and my back is killing me. “I might not answer all your questions. There’s just some things about me you don’t need to know, but I’ll be as honest as I can.” That’s all I can as for at this point.
“What’s your daughter’s name?” Daughter, that word sounds so weird right now. I guess it’s because I’m using it with other words like ‘your’ and I’m directing them towards Faith. Yeah, I think that’s why it sounds so weird.
“Samantha. I had her when I was fifteen.” Her voice is different than it was earlier. She sounds like she’s smiling, but I’m too afraid to look at her right now. Don’t ask me why, I just am. I go to ask something else but she keeps talking. “I had her a year before I was called. I kinda freaked at first. As if I didn’t have enough to worry about now I gotta keep her safe from vampires and demons? But at least now I stand a chance.” No wonder she tries to slay as many vampires as she can. Before I thought she just really loved her calling.
“Does your boyfriend know about slayers, and vampires, and the whole package?” I’m trying to keep my questions as simple as possible. I have about ten that might offend her, and another thirty I don’t think she’ll answer. So I’ll keep them light for now. I don’t know how long I can go without asking the tougher ones.
“Yeah. He didn’t believe me when I told him. He thought I was on drugs or something. I took him to a cemetery and showed him just how serious I was. He flipped, thought he’d gone insane or that I slipped him whatever I took. When he calmed down a little he panicked again. Wanted to get outta Boston and take Sam with him. I told him no matter where he went there’d always be vamps and having a slayer for a girlfriend is safer than not. Besides there’s no way in hell anyone’s takin my kid from me.” Her tone gets very…dark on that last part.
“Where does he work?” It can’t be more than a minimum wage job since faith’s room and board is paid for by the Council and they’re still living at that motel. I really don’t see them staying there by choice. Well, ok, sort of by choice. She turned down the guest room at Giles’ place, but that’s because she doesn’t want the Council finding out about her daughter.
“At the grocery store. He’s a stock boy. Doesn’t pay much but we get by. Council’s paying for my room and giving me some money for food and stuff, so we use Tanner’s check on groceries and stuff for Sam. It’s like every month or so she’s out grown all her clothes. And she eats like a frickin horse. But she gets that from her mom.” She definitely has a smile on her face now.
“What did your parents say when you told them you were pregnant?” I ask that in a very cautious tone. She’s probably not going to answer it, but it can’t hurt to try. I don’t’ know why I want to know that so badly, but it’s one of the questions I’ve been dying to ask.
“Tanner’s mom and dad freaked but they weren’t too surprised. I was living with them for a while, and we’d been together for almost a year. They were supportive and helped me so much. I don’t think I could’ve done it without ‘em.” There’s something about her tone that’s telling me ‘drop that subject’ and I don’t want to make her mad so I will.
“I don’t want to offend you or anything but if you’re with Tanner, then why do you sometimes leave with other guys from the Bronze?” I keep my voice as neutral as possible. I don’t want to sound like I’m accusing her of anything, and I have to keep the jealousy out of my voice. Jealousy might be misinterpreted as snobbery, and that could definitely start a fight. And not just a verbal one. I really don’t what to bruise her knuckles with my face.
“That one’s really none of your business,” she says in a very defensive tone. She’s also a lot tenser then she was a couple seconds ago. All signs are pointing to ‘change the subject’. And like I said, I really don’t want to get punched in the face…again. “Look B, there’s a lot of stuff about me I don’t wanna talk about so I’ll just lay down some of the facts. I can’t tell anyone I gotta kid ‘cause the Council will take her away and do God knows what. I slay and look good doing it so hopefully the world will be a little safer for her, and if you tell anyone about this you’ll get the worse beat down of your life.” Ok, so those are the facts.
“Ok,” I sound a little…well scared would be pretty accurate. “I’m not going to tell anyone. I know you don’t know me very well but I do keep my promises.” We’re quiet for a few minutes, which is good because now I have a little time to digest all of this. So Faith has a boyfriend named Tanner, and he works as a stock boy at the grocery store. He moved with her all the way from Boston, but she sleeps with other guys. At least I think she does. Apparently that subject is now off limits. She never had any trouble talking about it before.
“I forgot to tell you. I talked to Giles after school, and he told me that a new watcher will be here in a couple of weeks. What are you going to do? I’m not trying to be hard on you or anything, but you can’t keep your daughter a secret forever. Especially from your watcher. He might show up early to train you or something.” Before I can take a breath and keep talking Faith interrupts. I hate it when she does that.
“We’re only staying in Sunnydale for three more weeks. As soon as Tanner gets his check we’re leaving.” So she’s just going to leave, just like that? She can’t just do that. She can’t just waltz into town, get me to fall for her, and then leave. I don’t care if I don’t have a chance in hell with her. It just isn’t right.
“Faith you don’t have to do that. If we tell the gang the Council won’t get anywhere near Sam or Tanner. And you’ve seen what my mom is like when she’s angry. Name on person who will go against her when she’s like that.”
“I can’t, Buffy. I’m not going to risk the Council finding out I gotta kid. The way my watcher talked it up slayers aren’t supposed to have families or friends. We do one thing, and that’s slay. So what do you think they’re gonna do to her if they take her away?” I don’t like what she’s implying here.
“But Faith we can help you. You can’t run forever, and living that kind of lifestyle isn’t fair for Sam. We should talk to Giles. He’ll help you. He offered you a place to stay before, and he’ll insist on it if we tell him you have a kid. And I know that if he doesn’t then my mom will.”
“No. I don’t need anybody. I know you’re just trying to help, but I can’t do that. It’s too dangerous. I need to stay below the radar and I can’t do that if I’m staying with you or Giles. Your mom will have a lot of rules for me to follow, and Giles will just be worst.” That’s her reason, she doesn’t want to follow any rules? What kind of bull is that? We’re talking about a better place for her kid, and she’s saying no because she doesn’t want to follow rules.
“Faith that’s crap. You need to be living in a real house. A motel is a communal place where any vampire can just walk in. I forgot all about it until just now, but Giles told me there’s this group of vampires that are building an army, and they’ve been turning little kids. We’re not sure why but they are. They’re in Sunnydale and they’re looking for some new recruits.” I look over at her and she looks really freaked out, and I don’t blame her.
“If we explain to my mom why you don’t want anyone finding out about Sam then she won’t say anything. She’ll probably even help protect her. She’ll babysit when we go on patrol and when we go to the Bronze. This way Tanner can go with you. If you guys want to go out on a date or something.” I have to look away from her so she won’t see how much I don’t like that idea. It’s not that I don’t want Faith to have fun. I just want her to have fun with me, not Tanner.
“I don’t know. I don’t want to mooch off of you guy. And I can’t go to Giles. He’s a watcher, he’ll tell the Council and that’s the last thing I want.” I see why she feels that way because she doesn’t really know Giles. He would never hand over a baby to the Council. Especially if they’re going to kill her.
“Giles would never do that. He’s a watcher, but he’s not like the others. Not anymore, anyway. He does things different now. He doesn’t think like them. You said it yourself, slayers aren’t supposed to have friends and family, but I do. And it’s because Giles doesn’t just see me as a slaying machine.” I stop walking and grab onto her arm. I pull her back so she’s facing me and I’m looking right into her eyes. They’re full of so much emotion right now. It’s almost too hard to look at.
“If you don’t want to tell Giles then fine. I promise I won’t tell him. But it’s too dangerous living at the motel right now.” My voice is a lot softer then it was before. I can get pretty mean when I’m defending Giles. “If you’re worried about mooching then you can talk to my mom about paying rent. The only rule she’ll have for you is to be quiet when you get home from patrol or the Bronze because she has to be up early to get ready for work.” She nods her head a little bit and I can tell she’s thinking about it. At least I’m getting through a little.
“I’ll have to think about it. I didn’t know vamps could just walk into a motel room.” Well, at least she knows now. She sighs and pops her neck. “I’ll have to talk to Tanner about it. I can’t just pack up and leave if he doesn’t want to. Sam’s his daughter too.” That’s true, but it’s not safe at the motel. Especially with those vampires in town.
“It’s getting late,” I say and look down at my watch. It’s almost eleven-thirty. “I told my mom I’d be home early. I need to go. So I’ll see you tomorrow after school. I think Giles is going to let us play with the weapons.” She gets a little smirk on her face, and I can’t help but smile back.
“Yeah, see ya tomorrow.” I let go of her arm and she looks into my eyes for a few seconds. She has a little smile on her face but before I can ask why she’s smiling she turns around and walks away. I watch her as she gets farther and farther from me. She has this swagger to her hips that is hypnotizing. I wonder how many other people have thought that? It doesn’t really matter. Faith might be moving in with me, and that’s all that matters at the moment.
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Know Who I Am