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Life is Change	By : trudyw000 Category: BtVS Crossovers > Misc - Slash - Male/Male Views: 9166 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Sentinel, I make no money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
Authors Note - Hi, I wish you were enjoying this story, unfortunately with three chapters and no reviews I have to assume you're not. I wish I could say that I can take a hint, unfortunately apparently I can't so I will continue to inflict further chapters upon you. After all if you're masochist enough to read this far through a story you dislike, who am I to deny you.
Chapter 4
Xander closed the door behind his friends and leaned his back against it. He was surprised to see Spike lacing his boots, preparing to leave.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
"Well, you obviously won't be needing me around, not now you've got your very own guide. Besides, I've got things to do, places to be, can't be hanging around here all day waiting for you to have another episode can I?"
"Are you kidding me? We both know I've already found my guide, and it's not Willow, but have you ever tried arguing with that girl, I mean, she was this far from using the Resolve face." Xander held up his finger and thumb, so close they were practically touching. "That's a frightening face, I was not going to risk the Resolve face."
"So, what are you going to do, you can't keep stringing her along. She's going to try hard to make this work. She's feeling very guilty at the moment, and you're the focus of that guilt."
"I know. I figure I'll just go along with it for a few days. I need to read this anyway." Xander waved the sheaf of papers in his hand for emphasis. "You seem to be doing a good job of working this sentinel stuff out. I think you should read this too. We give Willow a little time to cool off and then we take it from there, try to sort everything out. If we can get Giles on side that'll make things a lot easier."
"OK, but she's not going to give up without a fight, and Buffy's got a very short fuse these days, if you try to tell them I'm your guide then we'll see just how badly sentinel enhanced noses react to sudden dust clouds."
"She's not going to stake you." Xander tried to sound convincing, it would have been easier if he'd been convinced himself.
A non-committal grunt was the only response from Spike as he stood and grabbed his duster.
"You're still leaving?" Xander was confused, hadn't they just covered this.
"I won't be gone long. I've just got a few errands to run, need to pick up some more blood for a start, if I'm going to be staying here a while."
"Of course, right, well I'll just slob out on the couch and make a start on my reading assignment. I'm sure there'll be a pop quiz on it tomorrow." Suiting actions to the words Xander threw himself down on the sofa and settled down to start reading Blair's dissertation.
As Xander settled in for an afternoon of reading he tried hard to ignore the nervousness he felt at being alone. His senses had behaved themselves for the last couple of days, but he was concerned that with Spike gone they might just start to play up again. With a determined shake of his head he pushed all concerns to the back of his mind and started reading.
Darkness had fallen by the time Spike returned to the apartment so he did not have to return the same way he had left, via the sewers. As he entered the building from the street he started to feel a strange sense of uneasiness, so much so that when the building lift did not arrive immediately he went straight for the stairs and ran up to Xander's floor. If he still needed to breathe he'd have been out of breath by the time he arrived but as it was he hadn't even broken a sweat as he pushed the door open and stepped cautiously into the apartment.
The light was off as he used his vampire sight to look around the room, trying to see if there was anything to account for the feeling of anxiety. He realised as he looked around that there was no sign of Xander. He could see the papers strewn across the couch where Xander had been reading when he left. After checking around carefully and sniffing the air he decided that no-one else had been there since he went out, so there was only one question in his mind. Where was Xander?
Standing in the centre of the room he concentrated on listening for any sign of the missing man. Slowly the sounds of harsh breathing crystallised and he moved slowly following the sound to the bedroom, switching on the light as he entered the room he looked around but still couldn't see anything. Listening carefully he moved over to the closet and opened the door, careful not to spook his sentinel. Inside he found Xander huddled at the bottom of the closet holding tight to an old black T-shirt.
Crouching down he spoke softly, "Xander, are you alright?" Keeping his voice gentle he used the same tone he'd used on the morning of the previous day to coax a traumatised Xander out of the graveyard and back to his crypt. "Come on out, how are you feeling?" Still trembling and holding on to the t-shirt for grim death Xander allowed Spike to help him out of the closet and over to the bed. Unsure what had spooked his sentinel so badly Spike gingerly pushed the younger man down onto the bed, only to find himself following rather quicker than he might have intended when Xander grabbed on to his arm and held on tightly, as if his life depended on it. A few moments later Spike had managed to rearrange them so that he was lying propped up against the headboard and Xander was curled in to his side with his head resting on Spike's shoulder. Patient now that the guide in him knew that his sentinel was safe, Spike rubbed soothing circles on Xander's back and waited for him to calm down sufficiently for them to talk.
Slowly the tremors which wracked Xander's body subsided and he relaxed into Spike's embrace.
"Okay pet?" Spike asked "Ready to tell me what happened here?"
Xander nodded into Spike's shoulder without raising his head. He took a few moments to compose himself before starting to speak. "It was fine at first, I was reading the stuff Willow left for me, but after a while I noticed a beam of light coming in through a chink in the curtains. I could see the dust specks dancing in the light, it was beautiful." Xander's voice, already soft, turned dreamy and faded away as he remembered watching the microscopic particles dancing in the narrow beam of light.
Spike waited for the young man in his arms to continue but soon realised he was lost in the memory. He gently stroked his hand down the side of Xander's face, instinctively using touch to distract from the visions swimming before his sentinel's eyes. "Xander, stay with me pet. What happened next? Did you zone out?"
"No" Xander had to almost visibly drag himself back as if from the edge of the abyss. "I didn't zone but I thought I was getting close to it so I tried to pull myself back. But my vision spiked and I was practically blinded by the sudden light." Spike continued to rub reassuring circles on Xander's back as the younger man paused in his recital of the events of the afternoon.
Just as he was wondering if he'd need to gently prod Xander to carry on talking the younger man spoke again. "I tried to concentrate on hearing instead, to counter-act the vision spike with another sense, like it said in the dissertation, but that just made hearing spike too." Unconsciously Spike tightened his grip, irrationally annoyed with himself for not being there when he'd been needed.
Xander seemed to sense his distress and reached up to run his hand along Spike's forearm. "It's OK, you can't be with me 24-7, I need to learn how to manage this myself sometimes." They lay holding each other close for comfort fo a few moments before Xander continued. "Anyway, I think I must have fallen off the couch. I was on the floor trying to cover my eyes and ears to escape the light and noise, when I caught a whiff of this wonderful smell. I just knew deep inside that I'd be safe if I could get to the source of that smell so I started following it on my hands and knees. I got to the bedroom and found your t-shirt, grabbed it up, crawled into the closet with it, and waited, I knew you'd find me."
"I'm sorry" Spike murmured into Xander's hair. "I'm so sorry."
"What for?" Xander pulled back and looked up into his guide's eyes. "We will get this under control, you have your own life to live, you have nothing to apologise for!" and he watched carefully waiting for the infinitesimal nod of Spike's head before he settled back down, curled up beside his vampire once more.
Spike held Xander close as the younger man slept, his fingers gently carding through the soft brown hair as his mind wandered over the events of the evening. What, he wondered, was happening here? If it had been anyone else he'd have thought he was falling in love, Willow, Buffy, even Dawn, but this was Xander, a man, he'd never fallen for a man before. Of course he'd heard all the stories, the Demon inside doesn't care about the form, the Demon wants what the Demon wants, but that had never been him before. It doesn't matter he decided, it can't matter, Xander doesn't swing that way. Of course, he had asked Willow to 'gay him up' that time so... but no, can't think that way, Xander likes girls, soft and squishy in all the right places. Xander needs a guide and a friend, "and I can be that for him", Spike whispered the last few words as he finally drifted down into sleep.
Xander woke the next morning clasped tight in Spike's arms. "This is getting to be a habit" he thought to himself as he gently extricated himself and made his way to the bathroom to freshen up for the day. A quick shower and a change of clothes later he padded back through the bedroom, stopping briefly to watch the vampire as he slept before heading out to the kitchen and breakfast.
Twenty minutes later found Xander sat at the kitchen counter, breathing in the aromatic steam from his coffee cup and thinking that he really should be moving but not quite able to gather the energy. He sat lost in that pleasant lethargy when it feels like you haven't moved in years, and you're not completely sure anything would happen even if you did try it. His reverie was broken when he heard the door open and looked up to see Spike come out of the bedroom, eyes practically closed and hair still mussed from sleep he had been drawn to wakefulness by the fragrant fumes from the coffee pot and prepared himself a cup of strong, black coffee before settling down opposite Xander.
Xander lapsed back into his musing as they sat there together in companionable silence waiting for the caffeine to do it's work on living and undead flesh alike. Eventually Spike gave an all over body shake and seemed to return to the world of the living. "So, what are we doing today?" he asked.
"Well, I'm heading over to the Magic Box to put up those shelves for Giles." Xander began.
"Right" said Spike standing briskly, "when do we leave?"
"We don't, you're staying here." Xander stood too, wanting to be on a level standing with the angry vampire he expected to be confronting in three, two, one...
"What!" Spike shouted, he had thought they had reached an understanding, now his insecurities reared their ugly heads once more. "You're going to her aren't you, you're going to let her be your guide." Spike was breathing heavily, barely containing the rage within him as he glared at Xander.
"I am going to the Magic Box, and I probably will zone out and Willow will try to bring me back." He stood his ground, confident that Spike could never hurt him, not after all they'd shared in the last few days. "But she will fail! and Giles will call you, and you will succeed!" He paused for a moment to see if he was reaching the angry vampire. "I couldn't let her be my guide if I wanted to, and I don't want to! I've been sitting here thinking about what you said last night, and you were right, I can't keep stringing Willow on, it's not fair on her and it's not fair on you." He relaxed slightly as he saw the barely restrained rage in Spike's eyes fade away. "We need to bring this to a head, it's no use trying to tell Willow that she's not my guide, we have to show her and this is the only way."
Spike nodded, "OK, but I could still come with you. I'll stay back, out of the way until Willow knows that she can't do it. I don't have to stay here." Spike looked hopeful until he saw the small shake of Xander's head.
"It wouldn't work, I'd know you were there, I don't think I even could zone with you there, and if I did then I think you could bring me out of it without even getting close if it was only a light zone. We can't risk reinforcing Willow's belief that she can do this." Xander stepped forward, almost reaching out to Spike, needing him to understand that they had to do it this way. At the point of reaching out he realised what he was about to do and quickly held himself in check, he couldn't seem too needy, that would just drive Spike away and he didn't think he could survive that.
Spike stepped back, "OK, but make sure Giles knows to call me, the girls won't want him to, you'll have to make him understand." He'd thought the boy was about to step into his arms again, he'd wanted him to, he didn't like this plan and needed the reassurance that it would give to hold Xander however briefly. But it hadn't happened, was he that pathetic, pining for the touch of a human. Huffing in self disgust he quickly turned and strode over to the couch, throwing himself down on it and reaching for the remote, Passions would be starting.
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Life is Change