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Closer to the Heart	By : hfreak Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Willow Views: 3834 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the Buffy fandom or its characters. They belong to Joss Wheodn. I make no money from this.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
Title: Closer to the Heart
Chapter 4: Never Leave Me
Rating: PG-13?
Warnings: If you�re not offended by the episode, you shouldn�t be offended by this .
Summary: The Scooby gang tries to find out what�s been pulling Spike�s strings.

A/N: Short one this time. Not a whole lot that could or should be tinkered with in this episode.

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    �You were right,� Buffy said to Willow. They stood in the hallway outside Buffy�s room, in which Spike was tied to a chair.
    �What about?� Willow asked.
    �He�s been feasting on humans for weeks,� Buffy explained. �He�s having some pretty bad withdrawals. I think we need to get him some blood.�
    �Do you want me to kill Anya?� Willow suggested with a smile.
    �No, we should probably try to wean him off humans,� Buffy stated matter-of-factly. �He�ll have to make do with animal blood.�
    �I�ll go get some,� Willow offered.
    �You don�t mind?� Buffy was touched by this gesture.
    �No, I have to get out of the house,� said the witch. �Xander�s installing the new windows and he keeps giving lectures on proper tool maintenance. Tool talk � not my thing.�
    �Thank you,� Buffy said warmly.
    *I love you,* she added mentally.
    *I love you too,* Willow thought back. *I wish you�d let me say it out loud�*
    *I�ll tell him,* promised the Slayer. *Just after things settle down a little bit.*
    *I�m sorry,* thought Willow quickly. *I didn�t mean to push. I trust you, Buffy.*
    *Thanks.*
    �How�re you doing in there?� Willow asked aloud.
    �He�s in pretty bad shape,� Buffy said sadly, �past the point where he can tell me anything.�
    �I wasn�t asking about him,� Willow clarified.
    �I�ll be okay.�
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    As the day passed, �okay� was about as much as any of them could claim. First, Willow had turned up with the far-less-than-helpful Andrew, who she had found buying blood at the butcher shop. Then, just as things were settling down, Spike had decided to tear apart a wall in his attempt to drain Andrew.
    Buffy sat in a chair in the living room, across from Willow and Dawn, who were on the couch. Spike�s attack on Andrew had her feeling more than a little rattled. Her inner Slayer kept screaming at her to just stake him, but she fought the impulse.
    �He didn�t seem to want anything to do with me,� Buffy told the others as she tried to justify keeping him alive. �I mean, he just pushed me aside and charged at the wall.�
    �Are you hurt?� Willow asked softly.
    Xander and Anya came down the stairs to join in the conversation.
    �Not � not really,� Buffy answered Willow.
    *Not physically,* she supplied through her thoughts.
    Willow got off the couch and squeezed into the chair with Buffy, wrapping her arms around the Slayer.
    *I love you,* thought Willow.
    *I love you too. Thank you.*
    �How is what�s-his-name?� Dawn questioned, turning to face Xander.
    �He�s got a good chunk taken out of his neck, but he�ll be alright,� Xander replied. �Had to tie him up again, but mainly just to keep him from scratching at his bandages.� He turned to Buffy. �What the hell happened up there?�
    �I-I don�t know,� said Buffy. �Spike and I were having a conversation and he was fine. I mean, you know, as fine as Spike can be,� she clarified. �And then I went to check on you guys,� she nodded toward Xander and Anya, �and when I got back � it was like he was a completely different person.�
    �Different like �William the Bloody� type different?� Willow prompted.
    �He was talking to someone,� Buffy continued. �I heard through the door, he was having this conversation. And then he started singing.�
    �Maybe it�s another musical,� Anya suggested brightly. Buffy stared at her blankly. �A much crappier musical,� she qualified.
    �He � he mentioned something about a song in the cellar,� Buffy recalled. �Uh, a-and he changed there, too � I mean instantly became another person.�
    �Trigger,� Xander said suddenly.
    �The horse?� said Anya.
    �No, in his head,� Xander responded. All eyes turned to Xander, waiting for further explanation. �It�s a trigger. It�s a brainwashing term. It�s how the military makes sleeper agents. They �they brainwash operatives and condition them with a specific trigger, like a song,� he pointed out, �that makes �em drastically change at a moment�s notice.�
    �Is this left over from your days in the Army?� Willow inquired.
    �No, this is left over from every Army move I�ve ever seen,� he answered. �But it makes sense. We�ve had ghosts or something haunting us, right? Well, what if Spike�s ghosts figured out a way to � not only to haunt him � what if they figured out how to � how to control him?�
    �Spike said he�s been seeing things since I found him in the basement,� Buffy agreed.
    �So, he gets his soul back,� said Willow, �he starts seeing spooky things, and he goes extra-extra crazy.�
    �This trigger,� Buffy began. �How do we holster � safety, or � I don�t know guns. How do we make it stop?�
    �Well, usually the operative completes his task and either blows his head off or steals a submarine.�
    Buffy sighed.
    �All right,� she said brusquely. �I need information. If Spike�s a bomb, then I need to know how to diffuse him. Dawn, Willow, I wanna know what did this to him. Spirits, ghosts, demons, check the lot of them. Look for anything that could haunt or � or possibly control like this. I need to know exactly what we�re dealing with.�
    �And what�re you gonna do?� Willow asked gently.
    �I�m gonna keep trying to find out what he knows,� Buffy said plainly.
    �I could come with you,� Willow offered.
    �I need you researching, okay?� Buffy cupped the witch�s cheek in one hand and they kissed briefly. �Help me that way.�
    *Buffy,* Willow thought, *it�s the Slayer that needs to talk to him, right?*
    *It�s both,* Buffy admitted. *You know I care about him. But you�re the one I love. Don�t forget that.*
    *It�s hard for me,* the witch informed her. Buffy kissed her again. *I�m trying to be supportive, but I�m stressing out.*
    *Please don�t worry,* Buffy pleaded with her thoughts and with her eyes. *He�s been through a lot and I feel for him, but it�s not a romantic thing. I really hate that I�m worrying you.*
    *You�re not,* Willow thought reassuringly. *Not exactly anyway.*
    *I love you. Only you. You are the only person I wanna be with, Will. And I�m sorry I haven�t � shown you that lately.*
    *Oh, no, don�t think like that,* Willow countered. *I understand that part. You�ve got so much to deal with.*
    *I wish I could make more time for us.*
    *I really do understand. Don�t worry about that.*
    �Try not to look directly into it,� Dawn advised.
    Buffy and Willow turned. Dawn was talking to Xander, who was staring at Willow and Buffy.
    �Sorry,� Xander apologized for staring. �Sometimes it�s like you guys are having a conversation with your eyes or something.�
    �It�s intense,� Anya added supportively.
    �Sorry about that,� Buffy told them as she and Willow stood. �Sometimes I get a little lost in it.�
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    �Have you ever really asked yourself why you can�t do it?�
    Of course she had asked herself. She could barely ask herself anything else.
    �Off me?�
    She knew that Spike could be a good man.
    �After everything I�ve done to you, to people around you.�
    She knew that people could change. That mistakes didn�t make a person evil.
    �It�s not love. We both know that.�
    Well, at least someone else knew it.
    �You fought by my side,� Buffy began. �You�ve saved lives. You�ve helped-�
    �Don�t do that.� Spike rolled his eyes impatiently. �Don�t rationalize this into some noble act. We both know the truth of it.� He looked away from the Slayer. �You like men who hurt you.�
    �No,� Buffy denied flatly. Could no one understand?
    �You need the pain we cause you,� the vampire pressed, returning his gaze to Buffy once more. �You need the hate. You need it to do your job, to be the Slayer.�
    �No,� Buffy said again. �I don�t hate like that. Not you or myself. Not anymore.� The last part was more than she had meant to say, but not untrue. �You think you have insight because your soul�s drenched in blood? You don�t know me. You don�t even know you.� And that�s what Buffy wanted to help him with. �Was that you who killed those people in the cellar? Was that you who waited for those girls?�
    �There�s no one else.�
    �That�s not true,� Buffy argued. Why couldn�t Spike see it? �Listen to me. You�re not alive because of hate or pain. You�re alive because I saw you change,� she assured him softly. �Because I saw your penance.�
    Spike lunged forward, chains pulling tightly.
    �Window dressing,� he snarled.
    �Be easier, wouldn�t it?� Buffy challenged. �If it were an act, but it�s not.� She took a step closer. �You faced the monster inside of you and you fought back.� Another step. �You risked everything to be a better man.� Step.
    �Buffy��
    They were nearly nose to nose now.
    �And you can be,� Buffy said solemnly. �You are. You may not see it, but I do. I do,� she repeated quietly. �I believe in you, Spike.�
    And he understood. She could see it in his face that he understood. Now that they�d crossed that hurdle, maybe she could start working up to the part about�
    *Buffy!* The Slayer heard Willow�s thoughts in her mind just a split second before the sound of shattering glass reached her ears.
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Next Chapter: Bring on the Night
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Closer to the Heart