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Complicated Grief	By : PencilNeck Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female Views: 3194 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Shock
- 2-Denial
- 3-Bargaining
- 4-Guilt
- 5-Anger
- 6-Depression
- 7-Hope
- 3
- 4
- 5
Chapter 4: Guilt

Faith’s walking ahead of her again. The whole time she’s been here, it’s like she’s always trying to catch up. And not just with the walking.

“Wait up!”

“You didn’t just say that.” Faith turns and slows her pace. Walking backwards. “What’re you, five?”

“Nope. I’m five by five.” Buffy sticks out her tongue.

“Don’t loot my lines, Blondie.” Faith smiles.

Night’s fallen, and the lights make the Main River look pretty and clean.

“It’s nice. This is nice.” Buffy tries to say what she means.

Faith grunts her agreement. They walk side by side for a bit.

“Why…” Buffy tries again. “Why’d you try to kill me again?”

“You can’t just leave things at ‘nice’, can you?” Faith steps away.

“I want to know!” Buffy steps in. “How can I believe you…”

“You won’t believe me anyway!” Faith shouts to the skyline.

“Faith. I’m not trying to start something. Really.” Buffy tries to put a hand on her arm. Faith pulls it away. “I just don’t understand.”

“Can we not do this right now?” Faith looks out at the water.

“Are we gonna do it later, then?” Buffy pushes.

“What would Sad Screw have to say about that?” Faith smirks a bit.

“Oh for Pete’s sake!” Buffy walks within punching distance of Faith. “Her name is SATSU!”

“And she’s your girlfriend.” It’s not a question.

“YES!” Buffy yells. Then she stops. “No... It’s complicated.”

“There’s a shock.”

“I’m not talking about this with you.” Buffy turns and walks away.

“Sharing goes both ways, B!” Faith calls after her.

Buffy pivots on her heel. But she stays where she is.

“You’re turning this into an ‘I show you mine, you show me yours’ thing?” Buffy raises a brow.

“Fair’s fair.” Faith sweeps her hair back behind her shoulders.

Buffy stomps back.

“Fine.” She lets out a short breath. “She dumped me. I’m trying to get her back.”

“She dumped you?” Faith looks mystified. “I like this girl!”

“For future reference? Not a friend thing to say in this situation.” Buffy scowls.

“We’re not friends. We’ll never be friends.” Faith says it casually. Like truth.

Buffy thinks she’s heard something like this before. Somewhere.

“So, why’d she dump you?” Faith gestures for them to keep walking.

“She thinks I’m not really into it. Or into her.”

“And are you?”

“I-I…” Buffy slips her hands into her pockets. “I don’t know.”

“Then you’re not.” Faith shrugs.

“How would you know? You’re into anything with a pulse!”

“Then I’m one up on you!” Faith’s getting pissed.

“You’re probably a hundred up on me.”

“I’ve had enough of this crap.” Faith picks up her pace.

“What?”

“I know what you think of me. Nothin’s gonna change that. But do you have to be such a damned bitch all the time?”

“I’m not… I don’t…”

“Sweet talker.” Faith snarls. “No wonder your little geisha left you. You treat her like dirt, too?”

Buffy’s mouth opens. Working out some kind of protest. She doesn’t even get to start.

“Figures.” Faith winds up for the swing. “Everybody loves you. Wants to stand in your glow. Talk about moths to a flame!” And she aims for the bleachers. “But with you? Everybody burns.”

She waits for the next insult. But there isn’t one. She turns.

Buffy’s not with her. She’s stopped a few feet back. Her head is down. Her body’s bent over. Her shoulders are shaking. Her arms are crossed, but not in the usual defiant way. A little sniff explains it to Faith.

Buffy’s crying. And crying hard.

Homerun.

“Hey…” Faith walks back to her. Not sure what to do. “I didn’t mean…”

“Yes you did.” Buffy won’t look up.

“C’mon. Whaddya care what I think?” Faith can’t touch Buffy. She doesn’t want to get punched. She keeps reminding herself of that as she watches the tears fall.

“It’s not just you.” Buffy pulls in a deep breath. She thinks about the words. “Everybody burns. It’s true.” Fresh tears spill out.

“Yeah.” Faith can’t lie. Not to her. “But it’s not your fault.”

Buffy leans against the railing, her back to the water. She thinks about them. Satsu, Spike, Riley.

“I could never love them. I tried. I-I wanted to.” Buffy’s not really talking to Faith anymore.

“You loved Angel. I know you did.” Faith keeps the edge from her voice.

“You don’t…”

“I was there. Maybe not for the whole romantic tragedy. But I was definitely there for the sequel.”

Buffy suddenly remembers. Who she’s talking to. Who she’s crying in front of. And she’s angry. Angry and sad and breaking to pieces in front of HER.

“It’s YOU!”

“Me what?”

“I thought I was cursed! That there’s something wrong with me. But it’s you! You’re always there. Wrecking everything!”

Faith steps back. Hands up.

“You… You ruined everything with Angel, with Riley. You want to ruin things with Satsu.” She remembers more, and she points an accusing finger. “You even tried to steal Scott!”

“Who the hell’s Scott?”

“It’s all your fault! Everything you touch! It just gets poisoned!” Buffy’s on the verge of hysterics. Blinking her tears away. Shouting through her sobs.

“I’ll take some of that. I put a glitch in your game, sure.” Faith understates it. She knows that. “But I’ve been absent, B. As in, not around to cause trouble for you and yours.”

“But you’re not gone! You’re never gone. You betrayed me. I let you in and you betrayed me! Just like him!” Buffy’s over the edge. Throwing the shards of herself at Faith. Hoping they sting.

“You can’t get over it? You can’t just let it go?”

“Do I look over it?” Buffy waves her hands in the air. “I loved him. I loved him and he… changed. And then you… And now, nobody can... I can never… Since I met you…”

Buffy’s mouth stops moving. Frozen in a perfect ‘O’. She lifts her shaking hands to cover it. Her eyes are wide, locked into Faith’s.

The words had come out before she’d been able to stop them. Buffy had heard them. Understood them individually. But what they meant… What she’d meant… She’d never let herself know.

Faith doesn’t speak. Doesn’t move. She just keeps staring at Buffy. Watching her crack and split and crumble.

Buffy closes her eyes. Holds her breath. Needing Faith to say something. Anything to break the moment. Let her hide again.

“Buffy?” She can feel Faith moving closer.

“Hey, B?” She hears the crack in Faith’s voice.

It’s when she feels a hand on her face. When she knows that Faith’s not going to let her breathe again. Not going to crack a joke, or make a snarky comment.

She knocks the hand away. Opens her eyes. And makes her choice. She runs.

Faith scrambles after her. But Buffy’s working on raw fear. And she’s always been a little faster. The distance between them grows. She loses sight of her. Blonde hair disappearing in the darkness.

A flash of white ahead. A crack like thunder.

Faith knows that sound. It was her lullaby as a child, and the soundtrack of her youth.

Gunfire.

**************************************************

Faith pushes harder. Makes her legs move faster. Makes her lungs hold more air.

It’s all my fault! It’s all my fault!

She’s close enough to see something on the ground.

“Buffy!”

“Hold it right there, Precious!”

Faith stops. “Simone.”

“Got it in one!” Simone steps out of the shadows. Holding a big silvery handgun. “And they say you’re the dumb one.”

Faith looks past Simone, looking for signs of movement on the ground. “Watch where you’re pointing that thing. Someone could lose an eye.”

“Maybe you are the dumb one. I got the gun, so I got the power. Which means you shut it.” Simone steps into Faith’s eye-line. “And stop trying to check on her. Miss True Confessions isn’t dead yet, so be polite and say thank-you.”

“Not my style.” Faith watches Simone out of the corner of her eye. Tries to edge closer to Buffy. “You know, I’ve done the evil thing…”

Simone laughs. “Am I getting the patented ‘dark-side’ speech from you? We can help you? It’s not too late?”

“Nah. I was just gonna say that I got a sweet pad and lotsa toys when I did it. I saw where you’re crashin’. And I’m thinking you got screwed.” Faith gives Simone a bright grin. “So, maybe you’re the dumb one?”

“You don’t want to piss me off.” Simone aims the gun at Faith’s head. “I’m the head girl here! And when it’s over, I’m gonna be the only girl here!”

“Heard that before.” Faith takes a step closer. “They fed that line to some other sucker. Although, way I remember it… They didn’t seem too broken up about it when I killed her.”

“What’re you talking about? They came to me. Said I was different. The only one strong enough.” Simone has her finger on the trigger.

“Feels good, right?” Faith has to be careful. “People tellin’ you you’re special. That they care? And all that power just itchin’ under your skin?” She claims another inch forward.

Simone doesn’t do anything. Faith hopes she’s listening.

“Knowing you can take anyone, any place, any time?” Faith takes another inch. She’s close enough.

“Damn right.” Simone nods. “Haven’t met anything yet I can’t kill.”

“Have now.” Faith swings out lightning fast with her right leg. Catches the gun and it goes flying out into the river. “My names Faith…” She swings around and burns her knuckles into Simone’s jaw. “And I’m gonna show you what a slayer really is.”

She blocks Simone’s uppercut with her forearm. Keeps moving and plants her elbow into the bruise she’s already made. “But let’s make it quick. Got places to be.”

“I’m gonna KILL YOU!” Simone roars out her anger.

She launches a quick combination of jabs and hooks. She doesn’t get a hit. She tries a spin kick. Faith arcs her back and pushes off with her feet. Plants one hand as her legs sail over her body. “Put a little effort in, will ya?” She says, before her feet land. She rises to her full height.

“You can’t touch me.” Faith sidesteps a roundkick. She fakes a left jab, and slams her right fist into Simone’s side. She hears something snap. Nice.

Simone blocks the next three fists. But the fourth sends her reeling back when it connects with her eye socket.

“This is why we don’t use guns.” Faith head butts her. “Makes you slow. Out of shape.” She wraps her hands around Simone’s neck. “Weak.”

Simone gurgles out her dissent.

“Here’s what’s gonna happen.” Faith holds her with one squeezing hand. Punches her face with the other.

“I’m gonna make you a walking bruise. Then you’re gonna run away like the coward you are.” She brings her knee up, into Simone’s stomach.

“I’m gonna check on B. She’s okay, you’re okay. For now anyway.” She drums heavy on Simone’s ribs with her fist.

“She’s not? Well… You don’t make it out of this park alive.” Right on the edge of snapping it, she breaks her hold on Simone’s neck.

The girl falls to her knees. Grunting and gasping for air. Faith watches that for a few seconds. Then she turns her back.

“Buffy?” Faith is at her side now.

“Wh… She…” It’s barely a whisper.

“I know.” Faith isn’t sure she should move her. There’s blood. On her shirt, on the ground, pooling out from under her.

Simone stands, staring at the two women on the ground. Her new enemies. “This isn’t…”

“Over?” Faith gives Simone her best, most frightening sneer. “You’re damned right it isn’t.” She lifts her clenched fist, already whitening at the knuckles. “But if you’re not gone in three? It’ll be over in four.”

A look of pure fear passes over Simone’s face.

“One.” Faith raises a finger. Of course it’s the middle one.

She watches Simone scurry away. Turns her eyes back to Buffy.

Faith knows what to do. She needs to find the entry point. Needs to fix this. Fix her.

She takes off her jacket, dropping the contents of the pockets to the ground. Rips the heavy denim like it’s tissue paper. Uses a piece to wipe off some of the blood.

“It’s your shoulder.” Faith can see the hole, gurgling out red. “Nothing vital.” She presses a folded denim strip over it.

“Feels vital.” The whisper has a wince in it now.

“Shoulda got you in the head then, huh? Nothin’ you’re using in there...” Faith tries to smile. But no.

“Shuddup.” That sounded better.

Faith lifts Buffy’s shoulder, to tie the strips into a makeshift bandage. And a wave of blood pours out from under.

Faith tries to catch it with her hand. It slips between her fingers. Makes tapping sounds as it swells the pool, merging with the old blood.

Faith doesn’t gasp. She holds her face still. Can’t let Buffy know.

She grabs for the pile of fabric. She’s got to pack it tight. Tie it up so it won’t fall out. Which means she’s got to move her.

“B?” She waits for the small nod. “Brace yourself.”

She can feel Buffy clench all her muscles.

“This is gonna hurt like a motherfu-”

Buffy’s scream drowns her out.

**************************************************

Buffy looks around the Bronze. It’s so busy tonight. And filled with actual people. No demons, no zombies. No weird giant trolls or robot girls.

“Buffy! There you are!” Willow grabs her arm. “We’ve been waiting for you.”

“Who’s we?” Buffy cranes to see who showed.

“Oh, everyone’s here tonight!” Willow smiles. “Which is great, cos Oz really wants a big crowd for the show!”

“Oz?” Buffy’s about to elaborate.

“Hey, Buffster! Glad you could make it!” Xander emerges from the dance floor, Cordelia in tow. She stands back, looking less than impressed as he gives Buffy a big hug.

“Hey! You’ve got both eyes! And Cordy!” Buffy points it out to him.

“What about me?” Cordy crosses her arms.

“I meant…” Buffy realizes. “Ohhhh.”

“Buffy!” It’s in stereo.

Buffy turns, and sees Spike and Angel. They’re walking toward her. They keep glancing at each other. Speeding up. Trying to beat each other to the prize.

“This is getting spooky.” Buffy hates dreaming.

“Slayer! Tell this poncy git to bugger off!” Spike elbows Angel.

“Buffy! Is he bothering you?” Angel puts Spike in a headlock. Gives him a noogie. “Cos honestly. Any excuse to toss him out into the sun…”

“Hey! Watch the hair, you great poof!” Spike pulls out of the headlock and shoves Angel’s head into a metal post.

Buffy raises her hand and turns away. She almost walks into…

“Riley!” She’s startled. “When did you get back? And where’s…”

“Oh, hey Buffy!” Riley sports a big manly grin. “This is cool, huh? I’m just happy I was invited!”

Buffy’s starting to think this might be a nightmare. She looks back at Spike and Angel, who are now wrestling on the ground.

“She likes my soul better than yours!” Angel pulls Spike’s shirt over his head.

“Yeah, well! She likes my body better than yours!” Spike pulls his shirt back to where it belongs. Shoves Angel backward. “She bloody well used it more often!”

“What about me?” Riley wants to be included. “She used me too!”

“Me too.” Satsu walks slowly down the stairs.

“Not me. I used her!” Parker raises his hand, piping in from his spot on the couch.

“Really? How does that work?” Spike is curious. Parker whispers secrets into Spike’s ear.

“Hey! Standing right here!” Buffy waves her arms around at all of them.

“Mom says you have to be home by midnight, or she’ll ground you.” Dawn pokes Buffy on the shoulder. Then points down to the floor. “It wants you back, you know.”

“Mom’s here?” Buffy searches frantically. So many faces. Familiar. All the people…

“Yeah, over with Giles and Miss Calendar.” Dawn leans in to whisper. “They’re talking about you.”

“Miss...” Buffy’s mouth makes a sad smile. “I should go say hello. Where...”

“Anya and Tara are waiting for me in the washroom. We’re gonna do makeovers!” Dawn sticks her tongue out, and walks off.

“I swear…” Buffy turns away. Walks toward the table Willow’s got saved. “If I see anyone with cheese I’m gonna…”

“Hey, Lover.” Faith’s arm slinks around her neck. “I missed ya. Enjoying the show?”

“I can’t see.” Buffy tries to look past the crowd to the stage. “Did I miss it?”

“Nah, Girlfriend!” Faith pulls her on to the dance floor. “You ARE it!”

A bright light hits Buffy’s eyes, blinding her for a moment. She squints. Blinks. When she opens them again, she realizes she’s standing in the centre of an intense spotlight. With Faith. She looks around. Everyone’s stopped. They’re watching. She can’t make out the faces.

Faith takes her hand. Slides it up her arm and around to her back. Pulls her in by her neck with the other. She leans in, and presses her lips against Buffy’s.

Without thinking, Buffy lifts her hands to play in Faith’s hair. Opens her mouth and feels Faith’s tongue push through. Feels her tongue escape to explore the new world between Faith’s lips.

Her hands are running up and down Faith’s back. She’s breathing heavy. They keep pulling away to look at each other, and then locking their jaws together again. Like magnets.

Buffy takes another breather. “What are you doing?”

Faith looks at her, smiling. Cups Buffy’s cheek.

“Making a scene.”

“Buffy?” Angel.

Buffy turns away from cherry red lips. Angel looks pained. He holds up his hands. They’re burning.

They’re all burning.

“No!” Buffy screams. Watching with horror as Willow and Spike start sizzling. Then Xander and Riley. And Satsu and Parker and Cordelia.

More faces. Twisted in pain. Dawn and Anya. Tara. Giles. MOM!

Everyone.

She turns back to Faith, tugging.

“Let me go!” Buffy wrenches herself away. “It’s my fault! I have to save them!”

“No, you don’t.” Faith shrugs, holding up her hands. They’re blistering.

Buffy runs out of the light. But she can’t get to them. They turn to ashes before she can reach them.

“You can’t fight this, B!” Faith calls out to her. “It’s the only way!”

Buffy still tries. It’s what she does.

“Sometimes, B?” Buffy turns to Faith. Blazing brighter than the light. “Just gotta let yourself burn.”

It’s the last thing she says. Her sizzling grin is the last thing to go. Buffy watches her disintegrate.

“FAITH!” Buffy screams, lunging for her.
Chapter 4: Guilt
Faith’s walking ahead of her again. The whole time she’s been here, it’s like she’s always trying to catch up. And not just with the walking.
“Wait up!”
“You didn’t just say that.” Faith turns and slows her pace. Walking backwards. “What’re you, five?”
“Nope. I’m five by five.” Buffy sticks out her tongue.
“Don’t loot my lines, Blondie.” Faith smiles.
Night’s fallen, and the lights make the Main River look pretty and clean.
“It’s nice. This is nice.” Buffy tries to say what she means.
Faith grunts her agreement. They walk side by side for a bit.
“Why…” Buffy tries again. “Why’d you try to kill me again?”
“You can’t just leave things at ‘nice’, can you?” Faith steps away.
“I want to know!” Buffy steps in. “How can I believe you…”
“You won’t believe me anyway!” Faith shouts to the skyline.
“Faith. I’m not trying to start something. Really.” Buffy tries to put a hand on her arm. Faith pulls it away. “I just don’t understand.”
“Can we not do this right now?” Faith looks out at the water.
“Are we gonna do it later, then?” Buffy pushes.
“What would Sad Screw have to say about that?” Faith smirks a bit.
“Oh for Pete’s sake!” Buffy walks within punching distance of Faith. “Her name is SATSU!”
“And she’s your girlfriend.” It’s not a question.
“YES!” Buffy yells. Then she stops. “No... It’s complicated.”
“There’s a shock.”
“I’m not talking about this with you.” Buffy turns and walks away.
“Sharing goes both ways, B!” Faith calls after her.
Buffy pivots on her heel. But she stays where she is.
“You’re turning this into an ‘I show you mine, you show me yours’ thing?” Buffy raises a brow.
“Fair’s fair.” Faith sweeps her hair back behind her shoulders.
Buffy stomps back.
“Fine.” She lets out a short breath. “She dumped me. I’m trying to get her back.”
“She dumped you?” Faith looks mystified. “I like this girl!”
“For future reference? Not a friend thing to say in this situation.” Buffy scowls.
“We’re not friends. We’ll never be friends.” Faith says it casually. Like truth.
Buffy thinks she’s heard something like this before. Somewhere.
“So, why’d she dump you?” Faith gestures for them to keep walking.
“She thinks I’m not really into it. Or into her.”
“And are you?”
“I-I…” Buffy slips her hands into her pockets. “I don’t know.”
“Then you’re not.” Faith shrugs.
“How would you know? You’re into anything with a pulse!”
“Then I’m one up on you!” Faith’s getting pissed.
“You’re probably a hundred up on me.”
“I’ve had enough of this crap.” Faith picks up her pace.
“What?”
“I know what you think of me. Nothin’s gonna change that. But do you have to be such a damned bitch all the time?”
“I’m not… I don’t…”
“Sweet talker.” Faith snarls. “No wonder your little geisha left you. You treat her like dirt too?”
Buffy’s mouth opens. Working out some kind of protest. She doesn’t even get to start.
“Figures.” Faith winds up for the swing. “Everybody loves you. Wants to stand in your glow. Talk about moths to a flame!” And she aims for the bleachers. “But with you? Everybody burns.”
She waits for the next insult. But there isn’t one. She turns.
Buffy’s not with her. She’s stopped a few feet back. Her head is down, body bent over. Her shoulders are shaking. Her arms are crossed, but not in the usual defiant way. A little sniff explains it to Faith.
Buffy’s crying. And crying hard.
Home run.
“Hey…” Faith walks back to her. Not sure what to do. “I didn’t mean…”
“Yes you did.” Buffy won’t look up.
“C’mon. Whaddya care what I think?” Faith can’t touch Buffy. She doesn’t want to get punched. She keeps reminding herself of that as she watches the tears fall.
“It’s not just you.” Buffy pulls in a deep breath. She thinks about the words. “Everybody burns. It’s true.” Fresh tears spill out.
“Yeah.” Faith can’t lie. Not to her. “But it’s not your fault.”
Buffy leans against the railing, her back to the water. She thinks about them. Satsu, Spike, Riley.
“I could never love them. I tried. I-I wanted to.” Buffy’s not really talking to Faith anymore.
“You loved Angel. I know you did.” Faith keeps the edge from her voice.
“You don’t…”
“I was there. Maybe not for the whole romantic tragedy. But I was definitely there for the sequel.”
Buffy suddenly remembers. Who she’s talking to. Who she’s crying in front of. And she’s angry. Angry and sad and breaking to pieces in front of HER.
“It’s YOU!”
“Me what?”
“I thought I was cursed! That there’s something wrong with me. But it’s you! You’re always there. Wrecking everything!”
Faith steps back. Hands up.
“You… You ruined everything with Angel, with Riley. You want to ruin things with Satsu.” She remembers more, and she points an accusing finger. “You even tried to steal Scott!”
“Who the hell’s Scott?”
“It’s all your fault! Everything you touch! It just gets poisoned!” Buffy’s on the verge of hysterics. Blinking her tears away. Shouting through her sobs.
“I’ll take some of that. I put a glitch in your game, sure.” Faith understates it. She knows that. “But I’ve been absent, B. As in, not around to cause trouble for you and yours.”
“But you’re not gone! You’re never gone. You betrayed me. I let you in and you betrayed me! Just like him!” Buffy’s over the edge. Throwing the shards of herself at Faith. Hoping they sting.
“You can’t get over it? You can’t just let it go?”
“Do I look over it?” Buffy waves her hands in the air. “I loved him. I loved him and he… changed. And then you… And now, nobody can... I can never… Since I met you…”
Buffy’s mouth stops moving. Frozen in a perfect ‘O’. She lifts her shaking hands to cover it. Her eyes are wide, locked into Faith’s.
The words had come out before she’d been able to stop them. Buffy had heard them. Understood them individually. But what they meant… What she’d meant… She’d never let herself know.
Faith doesn’t speak. Doesn’t move. She just keeps staring at Buffy. Watching her crack and split and crumble.
Buffy closes her eyes. Holds her breath. Needing Faith to say something. Anything to break the moment. Let her hide again.
“Buffy?” She can feel Faith moving closer.
“Hey, B?” She hears the crack in Faith’s voice.
It’s when she feels a hand on her face. When she knows that Faith’s not going to let her breathe again. Not going to crack a joke, or make a snarky comment.
She knocks the hand away. Opens her eyes. And makes her choice. She runs.
Faith scrambles after her. But Buffy’s working on raw fear. And she’s always been a little faster. The distance between them grows. She loses sight of her. Blonde hair disappearing in the darkness.
A flash of white ahead. A crack like thunder.
Faith knows that sound. It was her lullaby as a child, and the soundtrack of her youth.
Gunfire.
*****
Faith pushes harder. Makes her legs move faster. Makes her lungs hold more air.
It’s all my fault! It’s all my fault!
She’s close enough to see something on the ground.
“Buffy!”
“Hold it right there, Precious!”
Faith stops cold. “Simone.”
“Got it in one!” Simone steps out of the shadows. Holding a big silvery handgun. “And they say you’re the dumb one.”
Faith looks past Simone, looking for signs of movement on the ground. “Watch where you’re pointing that thing. Someone could lose an eye.”
“Maybe you are the dumb one. I got the gun, so I got the power. Which means you shut it.” Simone steps into Faith’s eye-line. “And stop trying to check on her. Miss True Confessions isn’t dead yet, so be polite and say thank-you.”
“Not my style.” Faith watches Simone out of the corner of her eye. Tries to edge closer to Buffy. “You know, I’ve done the evil thing…”
Simone laughs. “Am I getting the patented ‘dark-side’ speech from you? We can help you? It’s not too late?”
“Nah. I was just gonna say that I got a sweet pad and lotsa toys when I did it. I saw where you’re crashin’. And I’m thinking you got screwed.” Faith gives Simone a bright grin. “So, maybe you’re the dumb one?”
“You don’t want to piss me off.” Simone aims the gun at Faith’s skull. “I’m the head girl here! And when it’s over, I’m gonna be the only girl here!”
“Heard that before.” Faith takes a step closer. “They fed that line to some other sucker. Although, way I remember it… They didn’t seem too broken up about it when I killed her.”
“What’re you talking about? They came to me. Said I was different. The only one strong enough.” Simone has her finger on the trigger.
“Feels good, right?” Faith has to be careful. “People tellin’ you you’re special. That they care? And all that power just itchin’ under your skin?” She claims another inch forward.
Simone doesn’t do anything. Faith hopes she’s listening.
“Knowing you can take anyone, any place, any time?” Faith takes another inch. She’s close enough.
“Damn right.” Simone nods. “Haven’t met anything yet I can’t kill.”
“Have now.” Faith swings out lightning fast with her right leg. Catches the gun and it goes flying out into the river. “My name's Faith…” She swings around and burns her knuckles into Simone’s jaw. “And I’m gonna show you what a slayer really is.”
She blocks Simone’s uppercut with her forearm. Keeps moving and plants her elbow into the bruise she’s already made. “But let’s make it quick. Got places to be.”
“I’m gonna KILL YOU!” Simone roars out her anger.
She launches a quick combination of jabs and hooks. She doesn’t get a hit. She tries a spin kick. Faith arcs her back and pushes off with her feet. Plants one hand as her legs sail over her body. “Put a little effort in, will ya?” She says, before her feet land. She rises to her full height.
“You can’t touch me.” Faith sidesteps a roundkick. She fakes a left jab, and slams her right fist into Simone’s side. She hears something snap. Nice.
Simone blocks the next three fists. But the fourth sends her reeling back when it connects with her eye socket.
“This is why we don’t use guns.” Faith head butts her. “Makes you slow. Out of shape.” She wraps her hands around Simone’s neck. “Weak.”
Simone gurgles out her dissent.
“Here’s what’s gonna happen.” Faith holds her with one squeezing hand. Punches her face with the other.
“I’m gonna make you a walking bruise. Then you’re gonna run away like the coward you are.” She brings her knee up, into Simone’s stomach.
“I’m gonna check on B. She’s okay, you’re okay. For now anyway.” She drums heavy on Simone’s ribs with her fist.
“She’s not? Well… You don’t make it out of this park alive.” Right on the edge of snapping it, she breaks her hold on Simone’s neck.
The girl falls to her knees. Grunting and gasping for air. Faith watches that for a few seconds. Then she turns her back.
“Buffy?” Faith is at her side now.
“Wh… She…” It’s barely a whisper.
“I know.” Faith isn’t sure she should move her. There’s blood. On her shirt, on the ground, pooling out from under her.
Simone stands, staring at the two women on the ground. Her new enemies. “This isn’t…”
“Over?” Faith gives Simone her best, most frightening sneer. “You’re damned right it isn’t.” She lifts her clenched fist, already whitening at the knuckles. “But if you’re not gone in three? It’ll be over in four.”
A look of pure fear passes over Simone’s face.
“One.” Faith raises a finger. Of course it’s the middle one.
She watches Simone scurry away. Turns her eyes back to Buffy.
Faith knows what to do. She needs to find the entry point. Needs to fix this. Fix her.
She takes off her jacket, dropping the contents of the pockets to the ground. Rips the heavy denim like it’s tissue paper. Uses a piece to wipe off some of the blood.
“It’s your shoulder.” Faith can see the hole, gurgling out red. “Nothing vital.” She presses a folded denim strip over it.
“Feels vital.” The whisper has a wince in it now.
“Shoulda got you in the head then, huh? Nothin’ you’re using in there...” Faith tries to smile. But no.
“Shuddup.” That sounds better.
Faith lifts Buffy’s shoulder, to tie the strips into a makeshift bandage. And a wave of blood pours out from under.
Faith tries to catch it with her hand. It slips between her fingers. Makes tapping sounds as it swells the pool, merging with the old blood.
Faith doesn’t gasp. She holds her face still. Can’t let Buffy know.
She grabs for the pile of fabric. She’s got to pack it tight. Tie it up so it won’t fall out. Which means she’s got to move her.
“B?” She waits for the small nod. “Brace yourself.”
She can feel Buffy clench all her muscles.
“This is gonna hurt like a motherfu-”
Buffy’s scream drowns her out.
*****
Buffy looks around the Bronze. It’s so busy tonight. And filled with actual people. No demons, no zombies. No weird giant trolls or robot girls.
“Buffy! There you are!” Willow grabs her arm. “We’ve been waiting for you.”
“Who’s we?” Buffy cranes to see who showed.
“Oh, everyone’s here tonight!” Willow smiles. “Which is great, cos Oz really wants a big crowd for the show!”
“Oz?” Buffy’s about to elaborate.
“Hey, Buffster! Glad you could make it!” Xander emerges from the dance floor, Cordelia in tow. She stands back, looking less than impressed as he gives Buffy a big hug.
“Hey! You’ve got both eyes! And Cordy!” Buffy points it out to him.
“What about me?” Cordy crosses her arms.
“I meant…” Buffy realizes. “Ohhhh.”
“Buffy!” It’s in stereo.
Buffy turns, and sees Spike and Angel. They’re walking toward her. They keep glancing at each other. Speeding up. Trying to beat each other to the prize.
“This is getting spooky.” Buffy hates dreaming.
“Slayer! Tell this poncy git to bugger off!” Spike elbows Angel.
“Buffy! Is he bothering you?” Angel puts Spike in a headlock. Gives him a noogie. “Cos honestly. Any excuse to toss him out into the sun…”
“Hey! Watch the hair, you great poof!” Spike pulls out of the headlock and shoves Angel’s face into a metal post.
Buffy raises her hand and turns away. She almost walks into…
“Riley!” She’s startled. “When did you get back? And where’s…”
“Oh, hey Buffy!” Riley sports a big manly grin. “This is cool, huh? I’m just happy I was invited!”
Buffy’s starting to think this might be a nightmare. She looks back at Spike and Angel, who are now wrestling on the ground.
“She likes my soul better than yours!” Angel pulls Spike’s shirt over his head.
“Yeah, well! She likes my body better than yours!” Spike pulls his shirt back to where it belongs. Shoves Angel backward. “She bloody well used it more often!”
“What about me?” Riley wants to be included. “She used me too!”
“Me too.” Satsu walks slowly down the stairs.
“Not me. I used her!” Parker raises his hand, piping in from his spot on the couch.
“Really? How does that work?” Spike is curious. Parker whispers secrets into Spike’s ear.
“Hey! Standing right here!” Buffy waves her arms around at all of them.
“Mom says you have to be home by midnight, or she’ll ground you.” Dawn pokes Buffy on the shoulder. Then points down to the floor. “It wants you back, you know.”
“Mom’s here?” Buffy searches frantically. So many faces. Familiar. All the people…
“Yeah, over with Giles and Miss Calendar.” Dawn leans in to whisper. “They’re talking about you.”
“Miss...” Buffy’s mouth makes a sad smile. “I should go say hello. Where...”
“Anya and Tara are waiting for me in the washroom. We’re gonna do makeovers!” Dawn sticks her tongue out, and walks off.
“I swear…” Buffy turns away. Walks toward the table Willow’s got saved. “If I see anyone with cheese I’m gonna…”
“Hey, Lover.” Faith’s arm slinks around her neck. “I missed ya. Enjoying the show?”
“I can’t see.” Buffy tries to look past the crowd to the stage. “Did I miss it?”
“Nah, Girlfriend!” Faith pulls her on to the dance floor. “You ARE it!”
A bright light hits Buffy’s eyes, blinding her for a moment. She squints. Blinks. When she opens them again, she realizes she’s standing in the centre of an intense spotlight. With Faith. She looks around. Everyone’s stopped. They’re watching. She can’t make out the faces.
Faith takes her hand. Slides it up her arm and around to her back. Pulls her in by her neck with the other. She leans in, and presses her lips against Buffy’s.
Without thinking, Buffy lifts her hands to play in Faith’s hair. Opens her mouth and feels Faith’s tongue push through. Feels her tongue escape to explore the new world between Faith’s lips.
Her hands are running up and down Faith’s back. She’s breathing heavy. They keep pulling away to look at each other, and then locking their jaws together again. Like magnets.
Buffy takes another breather. “What are you doing?”
Faith looks at her, smiling. Cups Buffy’s cheek.
“Making a scene.”
“Buffy?” Angel.
Buffy turns away from cherry red lips. Angel looks pained. He holds up his hands. They’re burning.
They’re all burning.
“No!” Buffy screams. Watching with horror as Willow and Spike start sizzling. Then Xander and Riley. And Satsu and Parker and Cordelia.
More faces. Twisted in pain. Dawn and Anya. Tara. Giles. MOM!
Everyone.
She turns back to Faith, tugging.
“Let me go!” Buffy wrenches herself away. “It’s my fault! I have to save them!”
“No, you don’t.” Faith shrugs, holding up her hands. They’re blistering.
Buffy runs out of the light. But she can’t get to them. They turn to ashes before she can reach them.
“You can’t fight this!” Faith calls out to her. “It’s the only way!”
Buffy still tries. It’s what she does.
“Sometimes, B?” Buffy turns to Faith. Blazing brighter than the light. “Just gotta let yourself burn.”
It’s the last thing she says. Her sizzling grin is the last thing to go. Buffy watches her disintegrate.
“FAITH!” Buffy screams, lunging for her.
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Complicated Grief