Adult-FanFiction.org : Buffy

Tempt Me Not	By : addielogan Category: > Buffy/Spike(William) > Buffy/Spike(William) Views: 3239 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
Since Buffy had so inconsiderately ruined
his attempt to get drunk enough to actually have a
valid excuse for his current condition, Spike headed out for patrol as soon as
the sun went down. Maybe if he could pound on some unsuspecting demon, he�d
feel a little less, well, impotent.
Instead, he found himself once again face to
face with the Slayer. He gritted his teeth and resisted the very tempting
notion of ripping her head from her neck. �What are you doing here?� Spike
ground out.
�Patrolling,� Buffy replied with a shrug. �I
mean, that is sort of my sacred duty and all.�
�Yeah, well, go perform your sacred duty
in some other cemetery. It�s not like there aren�t enough in this bloody town
to go around.�
Buffy pouted. �But I like this one.�
Spike refused to be swayed. The fact that
her pout didn�t cause the stirring in his pants that it normally did was
reminder enough of his anger and the reason behind it.
Though she did look bloody adorable in her
knit cap, stake twirling in her hand�
Spike shook his head. He was furious with
her � and rightly so. �I don�t care if you like this one, Slayer,� he snapped.
�No one in it likes you.�
Buffy rolled her eyes, his acerbic remark
not even putting a dent in her feelings. �Whatever, Spike,� she said with a
snort.
Spike held his hands out in front of him,
clenching his fists as if he was sorely tempted to throttle her, before he
threw his arms up. �Fine. You want to patrol here, you
go right ahead. I�ll go find another cemetery to kill things in.�
He turned and walked away, though he came to
an abrupt stop when he realized Buffy was trailing behind him. He spun quickly
towards her, his coat swirling around his legs. �What are you doing?�
�Following you,� Buffy replied simply.
�Well, stop it! I don�t need a bloody
stalker.�
Buffy giggled. �That�s funny coming from
you.�
�So, what, you�re going to start
stalking me now?�
�Worth a shot,� Buffy said with a shrug of
her shoulders. �It worked for you, after all.�
�It worked for�� Spike trained off, his
expression growing colder. �You�ve already done enough damage to me today,
Buffy. I don�t need you messing with my head, too.�
�I�m not messing with your head.�
�So you like me now? Is that really it,
Slayer?� Spike yelled. �You�re going to be my girlfriend now? And how about if the spell breaks and you don�t have to worry about
easing your guilt anymore? Then what? We move into a cozy little crypt
for two? Or, heaven forbid, you actually let yourself be seen in public
with me?� When Buffy said nothing, Spike had his answer. �That�s what I
thought.�
When he started to walk away again, Buffy
ran after him and grabbed the arm of his coat. �Spike, wait.�
Spike turned and looked her in the eye.
�I�ve had enough of this shite, Buffy. Either I�m in your life of I�m out.�
�It�s not that simple.�
He jerked his sleeve away from her. �Then
I�m out.�
Buffy tried to go after him a third time, but Spike struck out and knocked her down.
She looked up from the ground, having no
choice but to watch him go.

***
*** ***
Buffy knew this was all her fault. She wished
she could somehow place the blame for the whole ordeal on Spike�s shoulders,
but she knew there was no one she could fault for this monumental lapse in
judgment but herself.
However, that didn�t stop her from indulging
in a little self pity.
She came into her house through the backdoor
and went directly for the freezer, relieved to find a pint of ice cream sitting
front and center. She didn�t know who�d been the one to actually purchase it,
but honestly, she didn�t care. It wasn�t like anyone bothered to pay any rent
around there�
Buffy sat down at the kitchen island with
her current drug of choice and a spoon, determined to drown her sorrows with a
little Chunky Monkey therapy.
�Was patrol rough tonight?�
Buffy looked up sharply, Willow�s sudden presence in the kitchen taking her by
surprise. �You could say that. Sorry if I�m eating your ice cream. It was an
emergency.�
Willow winced in sympathy. �That bad,
huh?�
�Oh yeah. This day has been full of major suckage.�
Buffy sighed. �Spike may actually never talk to me again.�
Willow sat down at the island, across from Buffy. �Well
shouldn�t that have been a little pick-me-up in your otherwise sucky day?�
Buffy frowned, her hand stilling with the
spoon still stuck in the ice cream. �That was what made it so bad, Willow.�
�Huh?� Willow wrinkled her nose. �Why?�
�Because he�s�� Buffy stopped short, not
knowing what she could say. How could she define her relationship with Spike,
especially to Willow? She didn�t really have a word for it, and she
doubted Willow would be as accepting as Tara had been of anything she could manage to come up with. �Because he
helps me patrol,� she said finally, though the answer made her feel a pang of
guilt. She tried to squash it down.
�You don�t need him for that, Buffy. I mean,
Xander and I helped you patrol for years before Spike came along.�
�Yeah, but you quit doing that years ago,
and I don�t exactly see either of you clamoring to head out with me every
night,� Buffy snapped, not realizing there was even a nerve to hit until Willow
hit it. �And really, Willow, how much help are you two even
going to be these days, huh?
Maybe Xander can distract the demon by getting knocked unconscious and then you
can take it out with some erratic, impaired driving.�
Willow pulled back, her expression on of shocked hurt. �Buffy!
How can you say that? Xander and I are you best friends!�
�Are you? I can barely even talk to you
because you�re always too involved in your own shit to know what�s going on
beyond two feet in front of you! You brought me back because you just had
to have me around, and then you completely ignored the damage you did to me.
Then, you sit here and tell me you could actually take Spike�s place on my
patrols, but the last time I asked you for help when that demon Xander
so intelligently summoned tried to make my sister his own personal Persephone
but without the vacation plan, you all just stood there looking at me like
stunned deer while Giles decided that the best time for me to learn to stand on
my own � cause hey, not like I�ve never done that before � was when the person
who means more to me than anything in this world was in danger.�
Buffy stopped for a second, needing to take
a deep breath before she continued. �The only person who supported me fully
that night was Spike. And when we fought against Glory, he was right there by
my side, ready and willing to do what I needed to have done to get the job
done. But you and Xander? It�s never about doing what
needs to be done to save the world with the two of you. You don�t even get
the big picture half the time. You just treat it all like a game. Spike may be
evil, but at least he understands the true magnitude of the battle we�re waging
here.�
She stopped, letting out another deep,
shuddering breath. The rant that had just spilled from her had taken her completely
by surprise, but now that it was out, she felt relieved, like her overburdened
shoulders were finally carrying one less weight.
For a long moment, all Willow could do was gape, until finally, she blurted out,
�That isn�t fair, Buffy!�
�No, Willow, you know what isn�t fair? It�s not fair that I�ve
had to go out every night and risk my life since I was fifteen. And it�s not
fair that once I finally got to rest from all that, I had it ripped away from
me. That isn�t fair, Willow.�
�You know, things haven�t been so great for
me either, Buffy,� Willow snapped defensively.
�Yeah, well, you brought it all on
yourself,� Buffy replied bitterly. �You used magic to manipulate everyone and
everything in your life, and now you�re paying the price.�
�Hello, pot, you�re black,� Buffy thought, but she knew the accusation was true
enough for both of them.
�Buffy, what�s wrong with you? You�re�you�re
not acting like yourself.�
�How the hell would you know? And you want
to know what�s wrong with me? My so-called �best friend� is a judgmental,
selfish bitch. That�s what�s wrong with me.�
The snapped response came before Buffy could
even think about it, and as soon as she did, she wished she hadn�t said it �
though she couldn�t bring herself to try to take it back either. It was harsher
than she�d wanted to be, but it was still how she felt. She kept thinking about
how Tara had been when Buffy had admitted what had happened
with Spike. Tara had been surprised, sure, and maybe a little squicked, but she hadn�t judged.
And she certainly hadn�t started informing
her of what was wrong with her in a grating, whiny tone�
Buffy thought she could probably get used to
things like that.
�I�m not that, Buffy,� Willow said, looking every bit like the wrong party. �I
can�t believe you�d even say something so hurtful.�
�Oh yeah? You�re not? Really? Then
how about you stop freeloading and pitch in with the household expenses now and
then, huh?� Buffy stood up, unwilling to let the conversation go any further.
Instead, she left the house, her whole body shaking with anger as she stepped
out onto the porch.
Willow didn�t follow her out, and for that, Buffy was glad;
she�d said all she wanted to say. She knew a lot of the anger she was feeling
right now was really towards herself, but a fair
amount belonged rightly directed at Willow as well. Buffy still railed against the injustice
that had been committed in bringing her back, and Willow�s recent decision to �fix it� through a forgetting
spell had only upset her further.
The parallels of what Willow had done to her
and what she had done to Spike were starting to form in Buffy�s mind, making
her feel horrible. It had been a mistake, things hadn�t gone according to plan,
but that didn�t excuse anything. She�d acted without taking the consequences or
Spike�s feelings into consideration.
Without taking into consideration that he
even had feelings.
That had been the case for years, and while
it had been one thing when they�d been enemies, it was different now that they
were�
Buffy still didn�t know how to complete that
sentence.
But what she did know was that Spike was the
only person she could talk to since she�d come back, and the conversation she�d
just had in the kitchen made her realize why that was. She�d thought at first
it was because she wanted to shield her friends from the truth of what they�d
done, but now she realized it had really been so much more than that.
They wouldn�t have listened to what she had
to say. They wouldn�t have given her support. They hadn�t�
Only Spike had. And now she�d blown it.
And while she knew that, as the Slayer, she
shouldn�t be having any sort of relationship with a vampire that didn�t involve
dust in the wind, she couldn�t seem to make that work
with Spike. Since her resurrection � and before her death, too, if she was
really being honest with herself � she�d come to depend on him. She needed
someone who would listen to her without pitying her or trying to force her into
adjusting her mood.
She needed someone who could make her
smile despite it all�
She wanted to go to Spike and have him make
her feel all better. She wanted him to hold her and comfort her and tell her
everything was going to be okay. But she couldn�t. He�d made it pretty clear he
wanted nothing to do with her for the time being � and quite possibly for good.
That thought almost had her in a panic.
She�d been saying for years she wanted Spike out of her life, but facing it as
an actual possibility? He�d never shown any indication of really wanting to
leave her side, even when he�d been at his angriest. She�d come to depend on
the idea of him being the man who didn�t leave. How would she deal if that
changed?
And why did it matter so much to her at all?
Buffy felt like a confused mess, and she
knew she had to talk to someone. She couldn�t make sense of anything on
her own.
Not knowing where else to go to find anyone
who would be willing to listen, Buffy started off towards UC Sunnydale.

***
*** ***
Please review.
- 3
- 4
- 5
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Tempt Me Not