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Blonde on Blonde	By : lucky021 Category: > Buffy/Spike(William) > Buffy/Spike(William) Views: 4814 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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A/N: Let the spuffiness begin.

"Kneeling 'neath your ceiling,

Yes, I guess I'll be here for a while.

I'm tryin' to read your portrait, but,

I'm helpless, like a rich man's child.

How come you send someone out to have me barred?

You know I want your lovin',

Honey, why are you so hard?"

----Bob Dylan, Temporary Like Achilles

The drive to the hospital was mostly silent. Buffy didn't really understand what had happened, she just knew it was bad and Xander was involved. If she had doubted the loyalty that Spike had for his friend before, none of that was left now.

Spike's shaking hands dug out his pack of cigarettes and his lighter. He moved to light it then looked over at Buffy. "Mind, pet?"

She did actually, but by the look of him, she figured he needed it more than she needed her car's interior's current vanilla scent intact. "No, go ahead."

He rolled down the window and exhaled a shaky but large cloud of smoke. Every few seconds he would run his hand through his hair in a gesture Buffy would have found adorable if the situation wasn't so dire. "Do you know what happened?"

Spike shook his head and tossed the butt of his smoke out the window before rolling it back up. Buffy didn't ask any more questions.

***

"Spike, oh God, I'm glad you're here." Willow flung herself into her brother's arms as soon as he stepped inside the waiting room.

"Shh, shh, pet, I've got you, shh." Buffy watched as Spike soothed his sister, rubbing her back and cooing meaningless but powerful endearments in her ear. Tara stood awkwardly by until Spike looked up and opened his other arm to welcome her into his embrace. Both women were crying into his chest and Buffy wasn't surprised to see tears of his own forming.

She suddenly felt very much like she was intruding. The love these people had for each other went beyond familial bonds or mere friendship, they were connected at a raw primal level that obviously felt the loss of the missing two.

They seemed to calm a bit at Spike's words and when he kissed both their heads and pulled back slightly they were able to form coherent sentences again. "What happened, luv? I didn't get anythin' from Anya other than the fact it was bad. How is he?"

Tara pulled them both into chairs and took a deep breath to steady herself. "I don't know what happened exactly, he went out to talk to you and the next thing we know Cordelia's hysterical telling us that Xander's outside beaten to a bloody pulp."

Spike's jaw clenched. "They see who did it?"

Tara ran a soothing hand down his back. "Calm down, the cops arrested some people, but I think you can guess who they are."

Spike stood abruptly at this and Willow got up behind him, she motioned for Tara to stay and followed her brother outside. "Spike... William, wait."

Spike turned back to Willow and she could see the fresh tears in his eyes. "They fucking saw us, then?"

Willow swallowed then nodded slowly. "Must have, I thought they'd left, Spike. Anya said you took care of them."

"Fuck!" he raged, kicking an unsuspecting garbage can down the alley outside the hospital. "I bloody well thought I had. I try to get away from all this shit and I keep getting sucked back in." He paced a bit, his leather duster flapping behind him. "I made a lot of mistakes, a fucking lot of them, but I don't understand why it always affects someone else."

"Jenny wasn't-"

"Yes she bloody well was!" his voice broke and he looked his sister directly in the eyes. "She was, and so were you. I made this happen, I fucked up and now Xander's paying for something that's always been my fault."

"That's shit, Will, and you know it."

Spike laughed bitterly and slid down the wall to sit on the ground. "I love you, but you don't know the fucking half of it."

Willow was heartened by his softer tone, his anger was unpredictable at times, but once he'd raged for a bit he'd soften and anger rarely returned quickly. She moved to sit next to him and pulled his head to rest on her shoulder. "Tell me then."

Spike shuddered and grasped at Willow's hand. "You know there was a time when nobody bothered us, nobody knew. Xander and I could fuck Anya in the janitor's closet together at school or in Xander's basement and no one would be the wiser."

Willow desperately hoped this had a point and Spike wasn't just going to mope about sex and Xander, 'cause hey, not one for thinking of her brother or her brother in all but blood and sex in a janitor's closet on a whim.

"After Tara, after everything, when Xander and Anya welcomed me back, I didn't think I could feel worse than I already did. Thought being with them would make everything easy again, just had to keep it secret, make sure no one found out. We weren't just poofs, Anya was in the mix as well, we didn't fit in with anyone." Willow remembered when Spike had confided his secret relationship with their friends to her. She hadn't been very surprised about Xander and William, but the whole threesome thing threw her. She didn't understand how three people could love each other equally, but she knew it was possible. Even if Tara wouldn't admit it, Willow knew she was still in love with William. She had to content herself with the fact that she'd the the one to be chosen, even if that didn't mean she'd gained all of Tara's heart.

"Remember when they found out? Remember what they did to him?"

Willow ran the wet washcloth over Xander's face trying not to irritate the cuts and bruises that adorned him. "Come on, Xander, you can come home with me and Will. Dad will take care of you."

"So sure about that, Willow? You'd be surprised what parents do when they find out they've raised a fag."

"Will, that wasn't your fault."

"Yes it was. He said we should wait, go somewhere else. His fucking shitfaced parents were home, just up the bloody stairs, and I said

"Come on, Xand, I need you." William nibbled the underside of Xander's ear. "Feel what you bloody do to me?"

"And when they found us... Downstairs on that ratty old couch of his. He grabbed me and threw me outside, half bloody naked." Spike shuddered and Willow held him tighter. "I could hear them, they locked the goddamn door and I could hear them, what they were doing to him..." Spike's sobbing halted his narrative. "I couldn't get inside, Willow, I couldn't do a damn thing to help him."

Willow wrapped her arms around him and held him while he cried out his confession. Xander hadn't told her that Spike had been there with him, she never knew how they had found out, just took it all for granted, but now it made much more sense. Spike had come home frantic saying that something had happened to Xander but he refused to go to the house. Things were so hectic that she'd never thought much about it.

Spike calmed a little while later. "It's happening again, except this time I'm both the reason the wrong people know and the reason they care in the first place."

He stood up and pulled Willow with him. "I've got to clean some things up about this, but I can't do anything until I know Xander's ok." Willow nodded and moved to go back inside while Spike lit up another cigarette. "I swear to you, I'm really gonna do it this time, no loose ends, I promise."

Willow stopped, but didn't turn around. "I know."

"Red?"

"Yeah?"

"Please... Please don't tell Tara. She already seen what a fuck-up I've become, she doesn't need-"

"Spike she wouldn't-"
"Just don't," he said, and when Willow turned she could see him wiping furiously at the tears on his face. "Just don't, for me."

She sighed softly and nodded. "Yeah, of course I won't."

Spike nodded and took a long drag as Willow walked back inside to check on things.

***

Buffy had been sitting awkwardly with for for about twenty minutes before she finally got the courage to ask her one of the billions of questions on her mind.

"I hope you don't mind me asking," Tara looked up at her expectantly, "but what the hell is going on?"

Tara laughed a little, though her smile didn't reach her eyes and the sound was a little brittle. "Well, I'm not exactly certain, but even if I was, I think Spike would have to tell you."

"Oh." Buffy sat for a few minutes longer. "Do you think he would? Tell me, I mean." Tara looked over at her and Buffy felt like an ass. "I mean... Sorry, it's really none of my business, I guess.�

Tara shook her head and put a hand over Buffy's. "It's fine, I'd be wondering too. We've all just met, but you are living with us, and you've already heard the sad tale of Tara and the Giles siblings..." Tara tried to gather her thoughts. "I- I just think that Spike wouldn't want you to hear it from anyone but him."

Buffy was about to ask about Anya's relationship to Spike and Xander but Willow walked in and sat between them.

"Where's Spike?"

"He's out drinking, probably will be needing a few packs tonight. He's taking this really hard. Have you heard anything new?"

Tara shook her head and Willow looked at Buffy. "I think maybe he'd like to see you." Buffy looked uncomfortable for a moment and Willow put a hand on her arm. "I'm not saying you should jump my brother now or even talk to him, but when things happen like this, he likes to have people around."

"Don't you think he'd rather see you two, I mean, I barely know the guy."

"Yeah, but, he likes you, a lot. We've had enough time together tonight, and we've had some pretty heavy conversation, he needs a calming presence, and I've already got dibs on Tara."

Buffy smiled a little at that and stood up. "Ok, but I'm not good for much more than sitting by and saying nothing, especially nothing helpful, I mean Buffy and comfort: non-mixy things."

Willow and Tara both smiled tiredly. "Well that's perfect then, because Spike and comfort words: not of the even remotely good."

Buffy took a deep breath and walked outside.

***

She found him with a bloody fist and a face covered in tears.

"What did you do to yourself?" She whispered as she took his hand in hers and tried to pick out the larger chunks of concrete.

He pulled his fist away gently and turned away from her. "I'm sorry 'bout all this. Our problems shouldn't have to inconvenience you."

Buffy put a hand on his back and felt him stiffen then relax. "I don't mind being inconvenienced when you're involved."

Spike turned to look at her and the sheer vulnerability in his eyes at that moment took her breath away. She couldn't help but take him in her arms and stroke his back. "Shhh, it's ok, tell me what's going on."

She tugged him toward a crate near the door and sat him down next to her, never removing her arms from him. "I can't, it's too bloody much."

Buffy stroked the hair on the back of his neck and was startled for a moment at the thought that the idea of comforting him didn't bother her near as much as it did when she considered any other single person in his place. "Ok, why don't you just explain you and Xander."

Spike sighed and clutched her tighter to him. "Got an open mind, pet?"

"Any opener and my brains would be spilling out."

He nodded. "Things're complicated, I know I've said it before, but they really are." He took a deep breath and continued. "Xander and I, well he's my best friend, been there for sodding ever, there for Red too. I'd say I loved him like a brother but it's more than that."

Buffy had a feeling she knew where he was headed. A few looks and touches she'd observed started to click into place. "You're lovers." Spike looked up into her eyes to gauge her reaction when he nodded. She smiled reassuringly at him. "Did you think I was going to freak out?" Off of his sheepish look she giggled a bit. "I live across the hall from lesbians, I spent half of last night in their room with them, I think I can deal with some more gay lovin' going on downstairs."

"It's not just that luv, I did ask you out this morning."

"So does this mean you were just looking for a beard?" Now that would be a little problematic, she thought he was genuinely interested. And, again, what the fuck was the deal with Anya?
"
"No, oh God no, pet, 'course not." He brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes and touched his forehead to hers. "Think you're bloody amazing, luv, and this thing with Xander, it's not very conventional."

He pulled back and she caught her breath, she was a little shaken by the intimate gesture. "So, um, how does Anya-" she stopped. "Oh."

"Yeah," he said, grinning a little bit too wide for her tastes. "Her too. I think you must have looked away too quick to see his sad, shaggy head peek out."

"Why don't you explain this 'not very conventional' thing you have with them to me."

Spike shifted so that she was positioned with her legs over his lap and their arms still around each other. "Xander and I had a bit of a thing while Anya was gone, then after Tara and I ended things, they both asked if I'd like to join them. Bit of comfort, more about friendship than romance."

"I don't usually sleep with my friends and their boyfriends though."

"Well, I told you, not very conventional." They both smiled at that and Spike leaned his head in closer. "I don't wanna be your friend, Buffy."

She considered playing dumb and making him spell things out, but his nearness was doing things to her that she'd forgotten happened. "What about your comfort buddies."

Spike snorted and leaned in even closer. "They're just waiting for me to find somebody so they can comfort each other monogamously for many years to come."

Buffy was trying to think of something clever to say but all that came out was, "oh." Then Spike's lips were on hers in the softest kiss she could remember.

They were hesitant and gentle, content to just explore with lips and the barest hint of tongue. Spike's hand slid slowly up her thigh and she let out a soft moan. He opened his mouth a bit wider and-

"Spike, it's Xander, he's awake!"
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