Adult-FanFiction.org : Buffy

What sound does a heart breaking make?	By : chilli Category: AtS/BtVS Crossovers > Slash - Male/Male > Angel(us)/Xander > Angel(us)/Xander Views: 24007 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy, Angel or Blade. I make no money from this.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
Chapter 4

Giles stumbled down the stairs, yawning. His yawn turned into a howl of pain as he stepped on broken glass.
Muttering furious curses he hobble-walked to the stairs and sat down to pick out the sharp pieces of glass. Angry at those reckless children for...
He looked sharply at the glass fragment...the very *red* glass fragment. And he jumped to his feet with a shout of triumph, forgetting momentarily of the glass that was still imbedded in his foot. He sat back down hurriedly as pain flared brightly in his afflicted appendage.
After picking out the glass splinters, he doctored his foot upstairs before making his way back down the stairs. And trembling with excitement he vacuumed up the shattered globe before contacting Buffy and the others.
At last he would finally receive his due!
He tried contacting Quentin again, however it seemed that Travers was incommunicado. At least, according to his secretary. And Giles dismissed his erstwhile nemesis from further consideration with a twisted smile. Once he had the Protector's powers, he would deal with Travers. The older man wasn't the only one with hidden sources, he thought coldly, patting a bulging, tattered folder on which was written a single phrase: The Protector.
Soon after, Buffy and the others arrived. Each filled with a different emotion: for Buffy, it was hope and excitement; for Oz, it was cold satisfaction; and as for Willow, she was filled with nervous dread. And once again, she was troubled by nagging doubts about the wisdom of their actions.
But Xander had to have agreed since he got all groiny with Angel, she argued to herself. She just couldn't imagine Angel raping her friend...
Her friend.
She turned the word over in her mind. Xander was her friend, so why was she doing this to him? Her eyes fell on Buffy and Giles, talking quietly with Oz. And felt, not for the first time, a bit left out of all the little meetings they always seemed to be having without her.
Why was she doing this to Xander? A voice questioned softly in her mind. Then Giles, Buffy and Oz turned and smiled at her.
For the greater good, she thought, and hurried over to take her part in the spell.
Thirty minutes later, they stood in a loose circle in a glade just outside the town. Buffy and Oz regarded their muttering companions with uncomprehending eyes. Because of their unique natures, they could *feel * the magic happening around them, but they had absolutely no idea what the two magic users were actually doing.
Willow and Giles stood facing each other, while Buffy hurried over and occupied the center, she was so ready to received the power of the Protector.
“Are you ready?” Giles asked the red-haired witch, to which he received an almost eager nod. This was more magic than he had ever allowed her to try.
“Then let us begin...” And raising their voices, the two magic users began to chant.
Angel was stirred to half wakefulness at a restless movement from the bedmate resting in his arms. Coming fully awake, he stroked a hand fondly down the narrow chest. After last night, he never thought that he would again have Xander in his bed, much less in his arms but things...and he frowned as the boy gave a short cry.
“Xander?! Xander...wake up! You're having a bad dream,” Angel softly ordered the youth only to be met with a much louder cry. This time, one of intense pain.
“Omigod!” Xander curled around the pain. He felt like someone had huge hooks into his heart and was trying to yank it out.
Angel sat up hurriedly and tried to roll Xander over when the young man let out another piercing scream.
And blood began trickling from his ears and nose.
“WESLEY!” Angel bellowed, picking up the writhing figure and running for the bedroom door.
Wesley sat up and fumbled for his glasses as he scrambled out of bed at the sound of that panicky shout.
And stumbling out of their rooms, the three humans raced to the sound of the anguish screaming. Only to stop abruptly at the sight of Angel kneeling in the middle of the living room trying to restrain Xander's struggling body. And when Xander screamed again, they rushed to him.
Dropping to his knees, Wesley gasped at the sight of the blood on Xander's face.
“Dear God, they're attempting to do the spell!” he nearly shouted in horrified understanding.
“How can they?! They don't even know where he is,” Angel snarled over Xander's continuous screams. He held Xander tighter as the pain racked boy tried again to scramble away from him.
“It was my fault...” Cordy whispered, a dazed sick look in her eyes as she watched Xander writhe uncontrollably.
“NO! It was both of us,” Faith exclaimed sharply and turned to the angry men. “We ran into Oz and Willow at the store a couple of days ago, and me and Cordy was about to throw down on them. We said shit, they said shit back. But I don't know how they found us!”
“We never even mentioned you or where we were staying! And even when we were out we always checked to make sure no one was following us,” Cordy mumbled, still watching her friend twist and squirm in agony.
“Oz...it always comes back to that mangy puppy! I bet that little fuzzlebucket heard us that night discussing the prophecy. That runty, little bastard’s been playing all of us!” Angel growled savagely, rocking Xander in his arms.
“That clever little dick...” Wesley breathed hoarsely, his eyes burning with rage. “But he was in wolf mode at the time,” he protested.
But whatever Angel was going to say was cutoff as Xander gave a horrific, anguished scream. His body arched torturously despite Angel's restraining arms. And all they could do was watch with wide eyes as a glowing ball of energy emerged partially from Xander.
PAIN! That was what his world consisted of...nothing but sheer agony ruled his mind..his senses. No matter what, he couldn't even begin to attempt to get a handle on it and ride it out the way he did when his father beat him. It was everywhere, there was no where to go, there was no where to hide as agony invaded every hiding place. Every nook, every cranny was filled by the monstrous waves of pain.
And then a....window seemed to open. He could hear voices chanting, calling to him...one that even sounded like Willow's and he wanted to laugh and shout for joy. Good old Wills, he knew she wouldn't turn her back on him! She was trying to help him, so he held on. For her...for his Wills.
Then he was puzzled as a ...shape sorta drifted past him...from somewhere behind him. And he realized it wasn't help that Willow was giving him as his eyes rested on both Giles and Buffy in the circle with her.
“Willow...for God's sakes STOP! You're killing me...!” He couldn't help but to scream as pain seared through him again. By the jerk of her head, of all their heads he knew they heard him. They fuckin' HEARD him. But still they continued...continued trying to kill him.
And his shocked disbelief changed, hardened as grim determination kindled in him. Gave him the strength to resist their pulling whatever that glowing ball was, from him. If they wanted whatever this...this thing was, then he intended to make them pay. What the hell...he knew he was dead either way.
And he began systemically shutting down everything that wasn't essential to his survival at the moment. He put everything he had into holding onto the Glo-ball. Twitching as agony lacerated his exposed nerves and he hastily snipped off that part of him. He refocused his attention to holding on to the Glo-ball for as long as he could. He wanted them fuckin' drained by the time they killed him. And if he was very lucky, they wouldn't be able to move by sunset. Good thing we live on the Hellmouth with such helpful vampires always willing to extend a helping hand. Or a fang.
In the clearing Willow's head jerked as she heard Xander's scream of pain and she looked helplessly first at Buffy, then at Giles.
“For the greater good...!” Giles shouted over the howling wind that had kicked up in the wake of the spell. And sadly she nodded, continuing the spell. Giles promised her that this would hurt Xander, a lot really...but it wouldn't kill him. She knew that once Buffy was powered up, Xander would soon come around and things would go back the way they used to be: her and Xander supporting Buffy in her fight against the demons.
Once she, Buffy and Xander sat down over a nice big pile of Twinkies, chocolate chip cookies and Rocky Road ice cream, things would be worked out. They would sit down, talk, laugh and cry but they would be okay. They would be stronger after this...misunderstanding.
Everything would be okay...once Xander forgave...she flinched and hastily corrected herself, once Buffy forgave him. Everything would be back to normal. It had to be, she thought desperately before she returned all her attention to pulling...retrieving the Protector from Xander.
And Xander continued throwing everything he had into the struggle. Wesley, Angel, Cordy and Faith didn't fight to bring him back only for him to give up at the first sign of trouble. If Giles and Buffy wanted the Glo-ball, then they damn well had better be prepared to pay for it.
The nearly silent struggle went on. And when he felt them pulling with all their strength, he...simply let it go with a scream and a grim inward smile as he saw all three blasted out of the circle.
Angel looked down in disbelief as a glowing ball of energy shot out of Xander with that last shriek of agony. He wondered at the tight smile of satisfaction on the boy's face before he noticed the fixed stare.
“Xander? Oh shit, Xander! Don't you dare do this! You're stronger than any of them! Don't give up...don't!” He yelled furiously shaking the boy, but knowing already that it was too late. Far too late.
Cordy raised a trembling hand to her mouth as tears fell down her face, while Faith blinked rapidly to control her tears.
“This can't be...” Wesley mumbled in disbelief as he gazed at the still figure in Angel's arms.
“Oi! Looks like Peaches got himself 'nother little boy to play with. Hold up! Good for ya, ya finally offed that annoying...” and Angel was snarling savagely in Spike's smirking face. Which completely disappeared as he saw the true extent of his grandsire's rage and instinctively cast his eyes down. Inwardly shivering and fearing the return of Angelus.
“Daddee...!” Drusilla squealed excited, then a sulky look settled on her face. “Not Daddee...it's only him,” she added in a vague dismissive tone. Her eyes grew brighter at the sight of Faith drawing Wesley and Cordy to their feet. The Slayer put herself in front of the two defensively.
“Look Spike, dinner!” and she vamped out, her eyes glowing with hot, sadistic humor.
“Stay away from them...” Angel red red to his childe without taking his eyes off Spike, who was much smarter than Dru. Especially in her current state of madness.
She flickered a glance at her sire and hissed. “Bad man, you're not my dadd...” and Angel removed his attention from Spike long enough to brutally backhand her across the room.
“Is that enough of your 'daddee' for you to understand when I give you a goddamn order, you will OBEY?!” he roared at the shaken vampiress. “And just for the record, I'm not Angelus!”
Seeing the situation was well under control, Wesley dropped back down to Xander’s side. Continuing to stare in puzzlement at the still body, as did Cordy and Faith in sorrow.
Meanwhile, in the glade the three humans picked themselves slowly off the ground from where they had fallen.
Buffy groaned then shouted in triumph at the glowing sphere floating in the middle of the circle.
“Giles, it worked! It worked!” she screamed jumping to her feet. She grinned impishly. “All ready and willing to be powered up, Sir!” She snapped off a mock salute to Giles.
Giles groaned as he used the very helpful tree that broke his fall to get to his feet.
“I'm afraid that I have some rather distressing news,” he winced and placed a hand to his bruised back.
“Giles, I can tell ya right now that if this involves me not getting my Angel back and not becoming Wonder Slayer, I'm gonna seriously reconsider nominating you as Watcher of the Year,” she warned him solemnly.
“Well, Angel is your responsibility, detestable as I may find your relationship to be. Unfortunately the Protector's powers are unable to be transferred to a Slayer. Which leaves only Oz and myself as the next logical choices since Willow will need to cast the spell,” he explained calmly and surreptitiously cast a look at Oz. He noted how the boy whispered softly in Willow's ear and snorted. That foolish girl's feelings were always visible for anyone with eyes to see.
He suspected that Oz told her to ensure that he was the recipient of the power. Foolish boy, as if he would ever allow a werewolf to be the possessor of such fearsome powers. He had already made sure that the words Willow unknowingly spoke would transfer the power directly to him.
Buffy cast a dark look at Giles, pissed that he waited until *now * to tell her this. Despite what people thought, she was not quite as dumb as they thought she was. She saw the scared look Willow gave Giles and had a feeling that wolfie was about to pull the ole double-cross. Her lips twisted in a cold smile. Too bad the rules about not killing humans didn't exactly apply to werewolves.
Once this was done, she hoped to have wild monkey sex with her sweet Angelcake. She knew her juices would definitely be flowing once she got rid of Faith, Cordy and Wesley. And especially Xander. He definitely had to go... he should be grateful that she was going to allow him to leave without kicking his faggoty, little ass.
She and Giles exchanged cool looks...Watcher and Slayer were united.
Willow took an unhappy, shuddery breath. This was so not of the good. She would even go so far as saying this was like the Hindeberg disaster. Why did Oz put her in this mess? Whispering that if she loved him she would make sure he got the power instead of Giles. Of course, she loved him! But was it the best decision?
Her ruminating thoughts were cut off by a bright flash then unimaginable *PAIN* slammed into her. Her eyes, wide and startled, were locked on the glowing sphere as three other bright streaks of lights stabbed into Buffy, Oz and Giles. Forcing a scream of pain from all four.
And they screamed, high and loud in agony as they were lifted into the air, anchored to the energy source. Higher and higher their spasmactically, jerking bodies rose...four feet...six feet...eight feet...ten feet as their minds and souls were invaded, seized in a iron grip.
And an unnerving, cold intelligence examined them with relentless thoroughness. There was no place they could hide from that searing search light that illuminated the darkness of their souls.
All Willow could do was scream and scream in horror as her every thought, feelings of insecurities, all her negative shameful thoughts were brought to the forefront of her mind.
She was released and heard a succession of screams from the others and could only assumed that they were receiving the same ruthless treatment. And she heard the muffled thuds as their bodies hit the ground and lay on the leaf strewn ground sobbing, her voice grown hoarse from screaming.
There was silence except for her muffled sobs and the gasping moans from the others as the pain eased slightly.
~YOU ARE NOT WORTHY~
Those words echoed in their minds with cold precision before they were blasted into unconsciousness by that icy, remote voice.
“Angel!” Wesley shouted as the bright sphere flashed back and slowly sank back into Xander's body.
Forgetting about Spike, Angel was back at Xander's side. He carefully lifted the boy into his arms, hardly daring to believe as he saw the chest rise once...twice...three times in rapid succession. And looking up, Angel smiled shakily at Wesley, then looked back down to see dazed, brown eyes flutter open.
“Am I a vampire? Cause I really thought I was dead about a minute ago. For some reason, I always imagined the waking up part would be less painful and more grrrr, ya know,” he rasped out weakly. Then his eyes widened in amazed horror.
And in a hoarse, audible whisper, “Angel, the Gruesome Twosome are here! Kill them quick!” He didn't quite get why Angel and the others laughed at him. And hurt, he tried to move off of Angel's lap...he squeaked and hurriedly tried to escape the vampire's encompassing embrace. He flushed in embarrassment at being seen in such a position. What he and Angel did in the bedroom was their own damn business but he knew...he just knew that whatever they did in full view of everyone somehow became Everybody's business.
Then Spike and Drusilla glided closer to them and he reconsidered his decision to escape his Angel's embrace...and since when did Angel become his property?
Gah! He was definitely on the verge of crossing that fine line into gayness, he thought unhappily.
“Oooh, it's the lil'l dark kitten. Bad Angel, you hurt my sweet lil'l kitten! There shall be no tea or biscuits for you!” Dru scolded her sire angrily. Her face was pulled in a stern frown. Then her mercurial mood switched to one of concern as she hurried over to the bloodstreaked boy.
“Must clean your face,” she patiently explained as she held Xander's face still and wiped away the blood from his face with her shawl. She settled back on her haunches with a look of childish satisfaction on her face at the mortal's now much cleaner face. “There! Isn't that better? You may kiss him, now,” she said, waving a hand imperiously between Angel and Xander.
Angel merely groaned, recognizing that Dru had slipped into one of her more prevalent fantasises: one of being perfectly normal.
“Yes, Angel do kiss him…” Cordy snickered at the horrified look that was on Xander's face. He looked like he didn't know whether to scream or run away. She bit her lip hard and tried to control her fit of giggles at the annoyed look Angel shot her. Then her eyes narrowed at the other person stepping into the mansion even as Wesley came smoothly to his feet with a grimace of distaste.
“Ethan Rayne…” his name was said flatly by the young Watcher and Ethan smirked.
“My, my, my but what do we have here? A Slayer, A Watcher, three vampires and two humans. Congratulation Angel, it appears that you're forming quite a collection of...individuals.”
Angel stood up slowly, easing Xander from his lap. He remembered only too well the last time Ethan was in Sunnydale and his eyes became a mixture of shifting colors. One moment gold, the other moment brown before finally settling on gold.
“Angel wait!” Wesley grabbed at the lunging vampire, a fine tremor running through him at the savage visage that was turned to him. “I didn't have time to tell you last night. I received a reply from the Council…the Shadow Council as a matter of fact,” he continued steadily. Ignoring for the moment the two girls muttering behind his back about ‘nobody ever tells them anything’.
“Ethan Rayne is here on behalf of that Council,” he added with a half-hearted sigh of regret.
Ethan gave him a sour glance. There was a look of extreme vexation on his thin, fox-like face. “Must you deprive me of my only source of amusement?! I'm under strict orders not to bedevil Rupert and now you ruin my other avenue of amusement. Bloody tosser!” he muttered under his breath. Spike grinned, he had a feeling that perhaps he and the gent would have an effing time plaguin' his bleedin’ grandsire.
And with Drusilla’s dubious help, Xander managed to get to his feet. However, he was constantly slapping away Angel’s hands as the vampire was determined to push the boy behind him in an effort to keep him safe.
Wesley regarded the unequal duel with bemused eyes as Drusilla got into the game of slapping hands. There was a look of pure childish delight that transformed her pale face into a thing of beauty. Sighing, the young Watcher shook his head before speaking, “Angel he's here to help.”
“Help?! How? Oh, I know! when our backs are turned he'll change Xander into a demon or something,” Angel retorted sarcastically. He finally won the war and forced the boy firmly behind him.
“Actually, old boy, were I to try something like that at this very moment, I'm quite sure the Protector would take great exception to my feeble attempts. I am quite unwilling to risk jeopardizing myself for a rather harmless bit of fun and I assure you that I am extremely fond of my skin,” Ethan drawled evenly before going down on one knee and bowing his head.
“My Lord, the Shadow Council begs your forgiveness for not greeting you in person. However, with your awakening, many of the more fearful demons will seek to exterminate your host body. The Shadow Council has disbanded and no longer guides the Council of Watchers. Your Shadow Warriors walk among the world to ensure your safety.” Finishing, Ethan extended a large package and Xander was finally able to step from behind a frozen Angel to accept the offering.
But it wasn't Xander that spoke next, however.
“My thanks to the Shadow Warriors. I realize that it was a most difficult task I entrusted them with. They have more than proven my faith in them,” came a cold precise voice from Xander's lips.
“Whoa....Xander, Cordy whispered in disbelief. Even the way he stood was different. Ramrod straight, confident self-assurance radiated from him.
He turned towards her. And glowing white eyes flickered over the frozen mortals and immortals alike. “Not quite. I am the Protector. So created to maintain the balance between the Dark and Light. I am the final arbitrator among demon wars, human battles and the wars between humankind and demonkind. I am the Guardian of this dimension, this world against otherworld invasion.” Then the expression abruptly changed…
“Is it cool or what?!” Xander exclaimed excitedly then his expression became remote again as control shifted back to the Protector.
“But…but I thought you were just a weapon,” Angel stammered, looking increasingly bewildered.
“I AM a weapon, inasmuch as your hand can be classified as a weapon,” came the cool retort.
“Your acolytes bid me to say that your awakening created a rippled effect in the material world. It was strongly advised that the vampire seek out allies for your protection until you become stronger or the boy is better able to protect and defend himself.” Ethan rose smoothly to his feet before continuing. “I believe that between young Wesley and myself we will be more than capable to hold off any magical attacks, however, there are also the physical attacks that will inevitably penetrate our defenses.”
“You know, I am so not liking this,” Xander shook his head slowly and backed against Angel. The vampire sighed and looked slightly dismayed.
“Oi! Now, I think I’m gonna enjoy this,” Spike remarked with a malicious smug smile. He knew of only one place Angel could take Xander for safekeeping.
“There's someplace where we can go,” Angel announced reluctantly. “But it's in New York and we’ll be lucky if we don’t get killed for going there,” he added grimly, already planning on how to get his charges to New York City without getting himself, along with Dru and Spike, killed.
“Where…?” Wesley regarded the vampire with puzzled eyes.
“House of Aureli,” Spike replied with grim humor. If Peaches was able to pull this off he would kiss his bloomin' arse a thousand time.
“First up, how the hell are we gonna get there with members of the Undead Society riding shotgun?” Faith demanded, gesturing to the three vampires.
“I think I might have an idea,” Cordy answered slowly. “Let me go get dressed. Then I'll call Dad and see about the camper,” she tossed over her shoulder as she started back towards the bedrooms.
“And what about Buffy and the others?” Faith asked quietly, throwing an apologetic look at Xander. “They ain’t gonna give up you know, especially once they find out the spell didn’t work and kill Xander.”
“They already know…” Xander interrupted her harshly, wrapping his arms around himself as if for protection. “She knew and Giles knew what pulling Astroboy from me would do. I think Oz kinda knew but Willow…I think she suspected what would happen but she went right along with the fuckin’ plan like the good little witch she is. Oh yeah, they knew. They fuckin’ knew!” And a bitter laugh came from his lips before he turned and looked up at Angel.
The one that looked after him, the one that did everything in his power to help him, to protect him from his so-called ‘friends’…and Xander swallowed hard.
“It wasn’t true what Cordy said,” he began abruptly. “When she said I was trying to protect her and everybody…it wasn’t exactly the truth. Yeah sure, that was part of the reason but another part was because I was jealous as hell of you and hated you for making me feel weak and worthless.” He drew in a shuddering breath at the blank look that descended on Angel’s face, but he forged on.
“When you first started hanging with us, I was pissed as hell. You were big, strong and obviously far more manly than me. Than I ever could be, actually. All that nobility and brooding shit. I could see both Willow and Buffy falling for you. And you had no idea how happy I was when I found out that you were a vampire. All I could think was AHA! Buffy will never completely fall for you, you're nothing but a goddamn bloodsucking fiend...you were one of the demons that she was supposed to be defending us poor, helpless humans from. But oh nooooo, not Ms. Buffy Summers. She marched to her own little beat...she always had to do the unexpected. Man, she was so strung out over you that even when Angelus came to pay his respects to Sunnydale, she was still blinded by you and your ‘Angel charms’.” His lips jerked almost uncontrollably in a morbid grin. A mere stretch of his lips, totally lacking of any type of humor.
“And, ya know...I still wasn’t good enough in the great Buffina’s eyes. Not that I wanted her or was strung out on her anymore, cuz, like, I had Cordy. But I was still tired of always coming in fuckin' last!” He almost shouted, blinking back the hot, bitter tears that threatened to fall.
“The only time she ever seemed to need me was when she wanted donuts, or a rocket launcher or just plain needed someone to do something for her that SHE didn't want to sully her hands with. In order of importance was herself, her mom, Giles, Angel, Willow and then came little ole me. Hell, even Angelus came before me.”
“So, when Angelus came along, I thought that this would be my chance to prove myself to her, to everyone that I wasn’t some pathetic little jester that she kept around...ya know, just for laughs, ya see? I had skills and I thought that, at last, people would see me as…as…as some kinda…uhm…knight protecting Queen Buffy and the kingdom of Sunnydale from the evil forces that would destroy it.” Tears were now spilling freely down his face as he gazed up into Angel’s stony face. Cordy, having re-entered the room, also listened without a visible trace of emotion.
“And ya know what the funny thing was? That the only one that ever called me that was Angelus. Angelus the fuckin' psycho. He called me Buffy’s White Knight in the hospital when she was sick. God, I was so scared that he would get past me and kill Buffy! But he didn’t, cuz I made him back off. Me! Xander Harris made one of the Scourges of Europe back down. And she didn’t even know how close to death she came that night. But I kept her safe! I protected her that night! And what did I get in return? A broken wrist when Willow tried to re-soul you, because Buffy wanted her Angel back!” He spat out with venom, angrily pacing back and forth, lost in his memories of that night.
“Angel, Angel, Angel…all Buffy and Willow could care about was you. I was the one that tried to protect Cordy, Willow and her but she wanted her precious Angel back, no matter who had to pay the price for the sake of her happiness. Kendra died that night, did you know that? Giles was kidnapped and tortured, Willow was in a coma and I had a cast on...all for the sake of Buffy getting her boyfriend back.” Here he paused and refused to look at his horrified listeners. Even he was appalled at the level of bitterness he had harbored towards Angel.
He cleared his throat and continued huskily. “So when Willow told me to tell Buffy to stall, I lied. Part of it was to keep everyone safe but another part of me wanted Angelus gone. Gone forever from my life and everyone else’s life. I wanted Angelus to pay for scaring us, for hurting us and so many other people. For killing Jenny. And I wanted you gone for making me feel like I was nothing, like I was a worthless piece of shit…for being everything I was not. And it was only when I got Giles out that I realized that the second I lied, I BECAME that worthless piece of shit. But it was too late…you were gone and so was Buffy.”
“And that summer, I tried to be like you, tried to be the man you were. I tried to hold us together…in remembrance of you. I was going to spend the rest of my life defending the Hellmouth, just like you and Buffy. It wouldn’t bring you back but it would be my way of finding redemption. I figured that I had a whole lotta karma to go through to make up for what I did to you. Just because I was a weak, worthless jackass wasn’t a reason to send you to hell.”
“I wasn’t even pissed that you when you returned...I was more pissed at Buffy for keeping you a secret. And when Faith’s ex-Watcher whacked Giles across the head? While I wasn’t exactly sure why you would try to kill him, but I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. Hell, there were times I wanted to kill him myself,” he shrugged, looking down at his feet.
“I can…I can understand if you didn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore,” he continued hoarsely. “I just…just hope that maybe you’ll give me another chance,” he ended quietly, gazing up at Angel with a tearstreaked face.
He flinched slightly when Angel touched his face. “Do you know how many times Spike has tried to kill me and yet still I allow him back into my home? He is the Childe of my Childe.”
“Does that mean you forgive me...?” Xander asked hopefully, his face falling when Angel slowly shook his head.
“No forgiveness…at least not yet, but we can get past this. You’ve tried to correct your mistakes and have tried to redeem yourself. If I rejected your efforts at redemption, then what does that say about me?” He asked quietly.
“So it’s like a two for one deal, huh? We both work towards our redemption,” Xander suggested, giving the other a hesitant smile.
Angel smiled in return. “I can live with that.”
“Okay now that this little Hallmark moment is over,” Cordy said caustically, striding further into the room. “We have a camper that Daddy bought a couple years ago for a little,” and she did the bunny quotes, “Family bonding. We didn’t even make it out of the driveway before we started arguing. Too much family togetherness can really tear a family apart.”
“Anyway, daddy’s letting us take it, the only thing we’re gonna have to worry about is fueling it and food for everyone,” she glanced around the room in satisfaction.
Xander glanced at her then Faith, and as one they screamed…
“ROADTRIP!”
“And what about Giles and the others?” Wesley interjected as the voice of reason.
“Astroboy knocked them out and they’ll be out for a good couple of hours,” Xander grinned cheekily then his expression abruptly changed.
“Child, I am the Protector or Guardian if you need another name to address me. I am NOT Astroboy…and do not even think of voicing the name Glo-boy out loud,” the energy warned Xander sternly, ever mindful of the smiles the others were trying to suppress. But it had a feeling that this may be a battle it would not win.
“Wesley, Faith, you two come with me to pick up the camper. The rest of you, I suggest start emptying the cabinets of food and blood. And we’re gonna need cash not credit cards. I have feeling that Willow and her computer are an extremely dangerous combination,” Cordy said heading for the door.
“Ya gonna listen to that silly bird?” Spike had remained silent for long enough. His eyes were wide as he watched everyone scramble to do what the girlie told them to do.
“You got a better idea?” Cordy swung around with a challenging look at him.
“No but…” he began sulkily.
“Then shut the hell up! We need to get the hell out of Sunnydale. One thing I do know is that a moving target is extremely hard to hit. Not impossible but hard. And if Dr. Strange,” she gestured at Ethan who raised a cool brow in amusement, “Is right, then were gonna have a lot of company trying to find us.”
“Us…?” Xander asked softly.
Cordy swung her attention to him. “Somebody’s gotta go with you bunch of dweebs to add a bit of class to this little trip and make sure that Angel continues to treat you right,” she replied briskly. Trying to make sure people didn’t suspect that she actually cared.
Angel nodded wisely, willing to go along with her lie. “Yes and you need to protect the camper.”
“Exactly!” She looked triumphantly around the room and scowled. “Why is everybody still standing around?! We’re on borrowed time people, so chop-chop!”
And within four hours, they were headed out of Sunnydale. Angel brought along a stash of cash, amounting almost to $50,000 while Wesley and Faith procured enough quality blood for the vampires for several weeks. That was assuming Angel would forbid the younger vampires to hunt. And with a cool look at the childer of his line, Angel assured everyone that the two would maintain ‘table’ manners.
The only time there came a problem was when Angel insisted that Cordy, Faith and Ethan take Xander shopping. Xander naturally resisted, claiming that his clothes were good enough and that was enough to start a blazing, roaring argument before Xander stalked away into their bedroom with a stiff angry back. Actually fled would have been more accurate.
“Why won’t he let me buy him new clothes?” Angel asked in bewilderment. “I’m just trying to show him that we can fix things between us.”
And there was an uncomfortable silence in the room before Wesley sighed. “Because you threaten him.”
“The hell I did!” Angel shouted in shock.
“As a matter of fact you do, old boy. Not physically, but his belief in himself. If I’m not mistaken, the boy is what…17, 18 years old? He has, perhaps never had one thought about a same sex relationship in his life. But here he is, in a quasi relationship with a male and a vampire, to boot. You are one of the creatures he’s been in battle with for almost a year. And now you appear to be forcing him into a submissive role. Boys at his age are very touchy about their masculinity, perhaps feeling as if the world views them as children still. You come along and offer to be his ‘daddy’. He doesn’t understand where this will lead him, if he allows you to buy his clothes…to take care of him.” Ethan’s voice was somber as he spoke.
“And besides,” Faith spoke up into the quiet pause. “ He wears those shirts for a reason, same reason why I always wear pants.” She smiled tightly at the looks on the humans faces before she walked away. Cordy blinked remembering the scars on her roommate's legs and really wished she had the ones that put those marks on Faith in front of her.
Angel knocked quietly on the bedroom door then entered. He stood there simply watching Xander throw his meager belongs into a plastic bag.
“I’m not your little fucktoy or your pet, so I don’t need you to play my Sugardaddy,” Xander said harshly without looking at the vampire.
“I know and understand that. All I was trying to do was show you that I’m not precisely mad at what happened or that you lied. I know that you may not believe me, but Xander I want to start this thing that we have…that’s growing between us…I want to begin a fresh page. I would like to be your friend, someone you can count on, someone you could perhaps come to love,” he whispered huskily as he drew closer to Xander, who was looking at him with a softening expression. “And I want you to be that same person to me. Through necessity, we had the sex first which confuses the hell out of shit and now we need to go back to the beginning and just…talk.” He leaned down and kissed Xander softly.
“And kiss…” he breathed softly, nibbling gently at the luscious lips until they parted willingly under his.
“…and touch…” His hands trailed up and down a warm back.
He slowly drew back. “But most of all we need to talk.”
Xander shuddered. How was it possible that Angel could get him so revved up? He went from 0 to 120 in little over two minutes!
“Talk…yeah I can do talking…kissing too! So talk…friends…then sex?” he asked hopefully, his eyes bright.
And Angel chuckled at the eagerness on his boy’s face. “Most definitely…” he replied tenderly.
Then Xander frowned. “And the clothes?” He asked suspiciously.
The other man lost his smile. “You’ve been wearing Wesley’s clothes for almost two weeks. I just…I just wanted you to have something I provided you…something of your own that was new…” Angel gestured almost helplessly.
“And something that wasn’t...Wesley's?” Xander shrewdly guessed with a flash of insight that people didn't often suspect. He knew he was right at the discomforted look that flickered on Angel’s face.
He sighed. “Alright...how much money do I hafta spend?” If this…thing between them was gonna work he had to some compromising too.
“No, you don’t need to do this. My problem, I’ll deal with it,” Angel protested firmly.
“Friends help friends deal with their problems. What kinda friend would I be if I wasn’t willing to help out a friend?” Xander poked at Angel’s chest. Then daringly, he stretched up and kissed Angel, his face flaming a bright red. He dropped his eyes then he smiled contentedly when Angel drew him into a cool embrace.
Cordy, Faith and Xander had a wild, fun time shopping while Ethan trailed behind them. His foxy face twitched in distaste at some of the garish colors on the multitude of racks. Wondering for the hundredth time what lunatics would actually wear these loud colors. Then his eyes grew cold as a trio of demons began heading their way.
“We need to go…NOW!” He barked and grabbing Xander, he began hustling them all away. Snarling at the two girls to 'get a move on it!'. Cordy gasped when she looked back, hearing screams erupting behind them as the demons shifted forms.
“SHIT!” She raced after the other two with Faith bringing up the rear. The four charged at breakneck speed through the mall and finally reached the outside. Throwing the bags into the backseat, they scrambled in and roared off just as the demons exited the shopping mall.
They made it back to the mansion, quickly explaining the situation and they were soon heading for New York City.
Around sunset, Willow slowly came conscious. Vividly aware of the various aches and pains surging and rippling through her body. She hurt in places she didn’t even know existed until now, and she hardly dared to breathe. Then she became aware of arguing voices and a slight frown disturbed her face.
“.…hell didn’t it work?!” Buffy demanded to Giles angrily, however, he was just as angered as she.
“If I knew the answer, don’t you think I would tell you?!” He whirled on her savagely. His eyes glittered with a cold almost terrifying fury that made both Oz and Buffy step back warily.
“Not knowing the answer,” Oz nodded rapidly. “We get it.” He maintained a careful watch on Giles, though.
Buffy took a deep breath to control her futile rage. It wouldn’t do any good to piss Giles off, no telling what her Watcher might do as mad as he was. And she eyed him uneasily, having never seen this side of him before.
“Okay, let’s all take a moment and figure this out,” she said authoritatively and began pacing.
“First, the spell seemed to work and the Protector was here…then it, or something electroblasted us…then I remember hearing the words 'You’re Not Worthy'?” She said the last doubtfully.
“What the hell does that mean…?” She turned a puzzled look at her Watcher.
Giles shook his head with a sigh. “I heard the same thing and as yet I still don’t understand what happened or who could have interfered. At first, I assumed it was Xander, however by all rights he should have died once the Protector was pulled from him.”
“Okay, so Xander is dead right? We don’t have to worry about him anymore?” Buffy asked, feeling a little relieved that Xander was now out of the picture.
“Jealous?” Oz smirked at her.
Buffy snorted in contempt. “Of that little queer? Please! Like Angel would prefer Xander’s faggoty ass over me!” She replied in a voice rich with derision.
“Children, if you please!” Giles snarled, rubbing at his temples in annoyance. “We must focus on why the spell did not work and where is the power of the Protector.”
“Wesley? Faith….Cordelia?” Buffy tossed out names tentatively. Her face falling at Giles’s quick head negation.
“While excellent guesses, had it been any of them, I seriously doubt we would still be alive,” Giles replied ruefully.
“Then where…” Buffy stopped when Oz grabbed at her arm. She gave him a furious look, then noticed his attention was directed behind them.
Willow lay still on the leafy forest floor and slow tears leaked from her tightly clenched eyes. And her body quaked with her need to muffle the scream of denial that wanted to erupt from her mouth.
NO! This can’t be happening! She kept screaming over and over in her mind. Buffy didn’t want Xander dead…neither did Oz or Giles. She had to have heard wrong. She had too!
She became aware that the arguing voices had stopped. Willow opened her eyes as Buffy turned to face her with a blank look in her eyes and a wide empty smile on her lips. And she finally allowed herself to see the cold look that was deeply rooted in Buffy’s eyes…the look of deceit in Giles’s face and the hatred in her boyfriend’s eyes for Xander.
“All lies…it was all lies that you told me. Everything that you told me…” she whispered brokenly, slowly gaining to her feet. She swayed drunkenly, but kept her disbelieving eyes fixed on them.
Buffy glanced up at Giles, then back to Willow. “Not everything was a lie…a virgin still needed to be used to retrieve the Protector.” She shrugged unconcernedly to her horrified friend.
“But Xander…” Willow held her ribs as she tried to talk around the godawful pain in her side.
“Well, yes, Xander would have been a casualty in the spell. However, it was for the greater good,” Giles replied coolly. There was no remorse in his eyes at all for the mortal boy.
Willow swallowed heavily as she looked at Oz. “And the flowers…the dinner…that night we…that night you and I…” And she thought she would throw up as she recalled that night. Her dream night was now a nightmare of betrayal.
Oz raised a brow eloquently but remained silent.
“But he’s our friend; he loved and trusted us…” she finally wailed.
“And this was his chance to prove his love and loyalty. Obviously he failed,” Buffy retorted harshly before she turned to Giles.
“That’s the only thing I can think of…maybe Xander wasn’t a virgin anymore when him and Angel…” she broke off. She didn’t want to think of what her beloved Angel had been forced to do with Xander. She was definitely going to have to find a way to make it up to him. And a lustful gleam began flickering in her eyes.
“Of course!” Giles exclaimed, looking relieved. “Clearly he must had have had some type of intercourse, perhaps with one of the girls and neglected to tell Angel of his non-virgin status.”
Oz grinned mockingly at Buffy. “Oops!”
All three were ignoring the sobbing, betrayed red-head during the discussion. Giles looked up at the sky and started. “It’s almost sunset! We need to get indoors as soon as possible,” he quickly said.
“Hey Wills, let’s go. Ooooh, you guys wanna go to the Bronze tonight?” Buffy called to the distraught girl.
Willow looked at them angrily. “My God! Don’t you feel anything? Shame? Guilt? SOMETHING?!” Her voice was a shriek of pain as she regarded the trio in horrified disbelief.
“Uhm, nooo….” Buffy replied slowly, looking puzzled.
Oz simply rolled his eyes.
“You betrayed Xander…he was our friend!” Willow shouted as her eyes glittered with rage.
“Not mine…” Oz replied coolly. “Besides, you were in the thick of things yourself.”
And her mouth worked soundlessly as Giles and Buffy looked on. “But I didn’t know…you didn’t tell me what…” she burst out desperately, looking wildly at them.
“Please!” Oz retorted succinctly. “You tried to close your eyes to what was going on! But you knew…you knew what that spell would do…what it was intended for and what it would do to your precious Xander. So don’t give me any of that ‘I didn’t know' shit!”
“Bronze now?” Buffy asked plaintively. All this spelling and stuff had her motor going, then a new thought occurred to her.
“Hey, Giles, do you think the spell for Angel’s soul worked?” She turned eagerly to her Watcher. Her face was bright with joy and excitement.
Giles rolled his eyes. He was always disgusted by his Slayer’s barely restrained desire for her vamperic lover. “More than likely, yes…” he sighed.
“C’mon guys, let’s get the hell out of here! I got plans for tonight!” Buffy exclaimed cheerfully, nearly bouncing in place in her eagerness to get to Angel.
“What?! Do you really think I want to be around you three…after what you…after what we did?” Willow exploded in disbelief.
Buffy turned slowly to face Willow, her face hard and cold. “Where else are you gonna go?” She asked quietly, holding the other girl’s eyes with a chilly stare. And she extended her hand calmly to the red-headed girl.
Willow looked at Giles and Oz, finding equally frosty looks on their faces. She swallowed, fear trembling in her limbs at the prospect of being without no one in her life. Oz was right, she thought in despair…all she had to do was open her eyes. She knew what they were doing was wrong, but still she went along with the plan because she wanted to belong. And with Buffy, even with Xander…she had someone to belong to, a group to belong.
She honestly thought that Xander would cave in and come back to the group. She never figured that he was strong enough to make it as an outsider when he took a stand against Buffy. She, Jess and Xander had been part of each other’s lives for so long that she didn’t know wha was was like NOT to be part of a group.
And while their little group was small, they were together. Even when Jesse was…gone, her and Xander remained together, desperately shoring each other up. She was his shield against the world and he was her rock to lean on. And she knew that if she removed herself as Xander’s shield that he wouldn’t last more than three days, he needed her too much to stay away from her that long. But he surprised her.
As Willow looked at Buffy’s outstretched hand, she came to a stunning conclusion: Xander was her shield as well…
...and she took Buffy’s hand.
Why couldn't Xander be weak...why did he have to leave her alone?
- 3
- 4
- 5
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

What sound does a heart breaking make?