Life (or Unlife) Goes On

A/N: I can't beleive I've had so many hits and reveiws from this site. Thankyou all so very very muchly
Reviews:
Sir Magus: Thankyou for the reveiw, it lets me know that your still reading. Yes threesomes are almost always good. Glad you liked, hope you enjoy this one as well
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Chapter Thirty-Nine – Loving

Xander’s POV

I stretch luxuriously, revelling in that moment between sleep and wakefulness where everything just drifts along and you can’t help but snuggle into the doona. I feel more relaxed than for a long time and I feel better than I have upon waking up since Sunnydale. For a start I’m not hung over and it feels like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Slowly last nights events come rolling back into focus, I finally told everyone about Jesse and what he meant to me. Amazingly, I don’t feel ashamed or nervous about everyone’s reactions as I thought I would. I know that coming out of the closet at a funeral is probably not in the best taste but it wasn’t fair to Jesse that I denied in public what he meant to me. Anyway that part of my life is over now and it finally feels closed for good. A part of me will always love Jesse but I’ve moved on and found love in a rather unusual place. And yes, I can admit that its love, well to myself anyway. This is where I belong, alongside these two immortal, powerful creatures. Thanks to Lorne my inferiority issues compared to these two have been…well not totally obliterated, something like that doesn’t happen overnight but they feel much more insubstantial now. After singing to Lorne the other night and wasn’t that a nerve wrecking experience, singing to a stranger. I couldn’t even think of a song and the one that finally popped into my head was the Ghostbusters theme song. What was I thinking? Anyway, in a very emotional session in which both of us were crying and he was able to tell me that I do have an ability. He basically confirmed what Dawn and Caleb said in the past that I could see things that others cannot. I offer a unique perspective to those around me that can make all the difference like my blowing-the-Judge-up-with-a-rocket-launcher idea. He told me that in the future my ability is going to be critical if Spike and Angel are going to succeed. He didn’t know what the challenge would be but I needed to be there. As for my private relationship with the vampires Lorne said that without me the two of them would end up tearing each other apart. That they both cared immensely for each other but without a buffer they would never make it. According to Lorne, Angel and Spike are my chance at happiness, they can give me everything I need, the pain I sometimes crave and the arms to hold me tight after. In exchange I apparently have something I can give to them but he wouldn’t tell me what, he said that I had to work that out for myself.

“Stop thinking and go back to sleep, whelp,” the sleep-roughened words distract me from my reflection.

“Sorry Spike. Thanks for everything though.” A pale arm snakes across my stomach and pulls me onto a hard torso.

“What are you nattering on about?” As he talks I can feel the air movement on my neck, it feels so good just lying here with him having a lazy morning conversation. I feel safe.

“Thankyou for everything you’ve done for me. Keeping my secrets for all these years even when you were evil and could’ve told Buffy anytime. Thanks for holding me through my bad dreams and pretending nothing had happened the next day. Thanks for not giving up on me, especially lately and most of all, thankyou for saving my right eye.” He sighs and his arm squeezes me tighter before letting me go. Ah I was right. “Spike it wasn’t your fault, if it wasn’t for you I’d be blind. If I were a vindictive person I’d say it was Buffy’s fault for leading us in there without enough Intel but I’m not. You know whose fault it is, Caleb’s. He is responsible for his actions and he did this to me, okay, so no more blaming yourself.”

“But, I…”

“No,” I cut him off and a deep chuckle emerges from the other side of the bed.

“You’d better just drop it, Childe, Xander and Willow have matching resolve faces which always win out when they make up there mind about something.”

“How did you sleep Angel?” I ask half-turning so that I can see Spike and Angel’s faces.

“Fine, now seeing as we seem to be talking about the elephant that has been hanging around for quite a while, I wanted to tell you that if I had known I would have visited you in the hospital. I would’ve also got a bit more physical when I met the ex-preacher.”

“You didn’t know?” I thought that everyone knew as soon as it happened so that I could get their pity but no, I am not going to be bitter, I’m letting go of all that crap.

“I mentioned it while I was all ghosty, you should have seen how pissed off at Buffy he was for not saying anything.”

“Its done now, what happened has happened and we shouldn’t dwell on it, at least I have the both of you now,” I try to reassure them and its weird me reassuring them but it feels right somehow.

“Your right pet, now there’s one thing I want to ask you and I’ll understand if you don’t want to do it but remember luv, that you have nothing to feel ashamed or disgusted about, okay.”

“I…I know what you’re going to ask Spike and I don’t know, I’ve never taken it off where someone else can see.”

“We’re not asking you to keep it off all the time but wouldn’t you be more comfortable with it off in bed,” asks Angel. He has a point there, I would be more comfortable and last night I was continually fixing it, scared that it would come off but how could they look at me, how could they find me desirable? Desirable its such a girly word but it’s the one that fits here.

“Tell us what your thinking Xan, maybe we can help.”

“Every time I take it off to have a shower and then look in the mirror, I can’t help but be surprised and horrified. I don’t want your pity but its hideous the sunken eye cavity, worse than a person without there teeth in. I know what your thinking, why don’t I get a glass eye? I talked about it with the doctors when it first happened and I can’t. It has something to do with the way it happened and I’m not sure of all the medical terms because I was still in shock at the time but anyway, it can’t happen so I’m left with this hideous deformity and at least the eye patch hides the hideous part away.”

“Your not deformed Xander, it’s a battle scar and you should wear it like a badge of honour. You survived, baby, for eight years you have fought against the forces of evil and that is the only indicator, that’s phenomenal. We’re vampires, we have amazing healing abilities but if we were human like you, we would both be dead a hundred times over.”

“It’s not my only scar, I pull my leg out from under the sheets and show them my inner thigh. “I got it in Africa, I was by myself when I was attacked by some demon, I still don’t know what it was, I managed to kill it but not before it did this.”

‘That looks awfully big pet, didn’t it need stiches.” I nod to his question and notice Angel sitting up with the sheets pulling in his lap. Most guys would kill for his torso and those powerful shoulders.

“Yeah, it did. That’s why I froze when confronted with your wound yesterday, Angel.”

“You sewed it up by yourself and I’m guessing that travelling light in Africa meant you didn’t have a heavy duty pain reliever on you.”

“Well I had but I bartered it for fresh, clean water.” They are silent for a while and I hope they have been distracted from their question.

“Can’t you just take off the eye patch now Xander and then you’ll see that your fears are incorrect.” No such luck. I sigh as I realise that they are not going to let this drop until I do. Maybe it won’t be too bad and I will be able to put it back on quickly and then they won’t ask me to take it off again. Slowly I raise my hands to my head and slide it off, I can’t help but turn my head away feeling dirty. A strong hand cups my chin and gently moves my head back round so that I’m looking at them again. I can’t help but close my eye not wanting to see the looks of revulsion on their faces. I jump a little when I feel a gentle kiss placed on my head.

“Beautiful,” is whispered into my ear. I’m astounded when tears start to leak out of my good eye. Why am I always crying? I feel Spike shift beside me and then I’m pulled up til I’m resting against his chest, his arms around me and we are rocking slightly. I feel my side of the bed dip down and I look up to see Angel climbing in that side so that he can curl around us. I’m in the middle of a comforting vampire sandwich. My eye widens in amazement to hear them both start to purr and feel the vibrations through their chests.

*****

Angel’s POV

I half-sit half-lay on top of Xander and Spike purring and feeling him relax. He has survived so much and I know that he isn’t a child but how many twenty-three year olds do you know that have survived what he has and have managed to keep going. I’ve realised that this is the reason I fight so that people like Gunn, Xander and Fred don’t have to go through what they’ve gone through. I mean its bad enough that they have to survive problems created or perpetrated by humans such as an abusive, alcoholic father or living on the streets without adding extra monsters as well. Xander responds to our combined purring and settles against Spike. I’ve been rubbing my arm against his side and Spike’s is sweeping my back. I’m suddenly aware that these comforting touches have somehow become arousing. I grab Xander’s buttocks and squeeze causing him to buck up on Spike and as he is straddling one of Spike’s legs his knee connects with Spike’s groin causing him to groan at the pleasure pain. I let my finger trail down and up his butt crack over his hole not applying any pressure. To my delight I receive two answering moans, oh this could be fun. Quickly I pull out the pillows that Spike was resting on causing the two of them to fall flat on the bed with Xander still on Spike. I gently press Xander’s head towards Spike giving me easier access to his backside. Hearing them kissing I smile and slide down the bed so that my face is directly behind Xander and my legs are off the bed. I part Xander cheeks and glimpsing his hole blow air over it. The reaction is instantaneous and when Spike bucks his foot that somehow ended up right underneath my groin moves in such a way that I see stars. I then lick out and touch his salty skin and still a hint of cum from last night when I took him. I precede to eat him out stretching him, wiggling my tongue into that tight space revelling in the noises they both make. He tastes so good and is incredibly responsive to my every move. I occasionally join in to the symphony of moans when Spike moves his foot just right. I am so close to falling over the edge into oblivion when Xander is no longer in front of me.

“Hey!” I growl.

“Hey!” complains Xander. Looks like I’m not the only one who doesn’t like that Xander has been tossed onto the bed. I look up at a pouting Spike.

“I’m sooooo empty and my ass is so hungry and I want my Sire to fill me up,” he complains in his huskiest voice.

“Well you’re a demanding thing aren’t you?” I act annoyed when all my brain can think of is sinking into that tight heat.

‘Yep,” he replies turning on his side so that I can see the ass in question.

“What about me?” Xander asks as I position myself behind Spike. Hopefully he is loose enough from last night’s activities because I can’t wait to prepare him thoroughly.

“Why don’t you just come up here and we’ll see if Uncle Spike can’t help fill that delectable ass of yours.”

“Oh Spike, no incest please.”