Adult-FanFiction.org : Buffy

Know Who I Am	By : Paigie Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 4757 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, UPN and WB Television Networks own the television shows, "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and "Angel". Dark Horse and IDW own the Comics. No copyright infringement is intended, no money is be

Chapter List
- 36
- 37
- 38
“Buffy, if twenty-five over x is equal to thirteen over thirty-five than what does x equal?” Willow asks but I haven’t been paying attention to a word she’s been saying all day. I’m in love and I’ve got it bad. Things are finally starting to look up for Faith and I and is it really a bad thing if I’d rather think about how happy I am instead of studying for this math test? Sure, the test is tomorrow but I’ll just sit next to Willow and everything will be fine.
“Will, I’m not getting this at all. I think I might be one those people that are un-tutorable. I think maybe we should take a short break and study more in the morning before the test.” There’s nothing like an early morning cram session to completely fry my brain. She gives me a very disapproving look and I look down at the table. I’d rather stare off into space than see her disappointed slash resolve face.
“You can get this. You just have to focus your mind instead of letting it wonder and think about another certain slayer that’s always on your mind these days,” she says and I look up at her again. She looks a little hurt and I have to stop myself from sighing because she’s already annoyed with me and I really don’t want to make it worse. I don’t know why she gets so put off and hurt. Maybe it’s because I’m paying more attention to a girl who isn’t her? God, I hope not because the image of giving her the same type of attention is just…traumatizing.
“She is kind of…distracting,” I say and Willow nods her head a little. Ok, so I guess it’s time to give her the attention I’ve been withholding and my God that mental image is terrifying. Willow’s like a sister to me so hopefully all of these sexy thoughts aren’t some weird feelings I’ve been burying. “Oz is distraction worthy too. How have you two been?” She gets a little smile on her face and she doesn’t look as upset now. I really do need to start spending more time with her if that one little question is enough to cheer her up.
“Oz and I have been doing pretty great,” she says and she gets that dreamy look in her eyes. That makes me smile. Willow is such an amazing person. I’m glad she stopped fawning over Xander and found someone who treats her right. My smile fades a little when she gets a little blush on her face followed by a very shy expression. And now she’s having trouble keeping eye contact for more than ten seconds. I know this look very well. She always gets it before she asks a question about sex. I kinda thought these days were over since I’m dating a girl. I guess I was totally wrong.
“Does Faith ever go, you know?” she asks and I give her a blank look. Almost every single conversation with Willow on this topic starts out this way. She asks a very vague question that I’ll never be able to answer, then she says what she really means and it’s normally very personal and kind of invasive. Her blush gets a little stronger because she knows she needs to be more detailed in the question. She lets out a little sigh and stares down at her fingernails.
“Has Faith ever…,” she says and I think her ears are about to burst, they’re so red. “Has she ever gone down on you?” I’m so glad I’m not eating or drinking anything or I would be choking on it right now. She’s never asked me a sex question about me. It’s normally the guy anatomy that she’s curious about and I really hope she doesn’t ask for very specific details because I might die of embarrassment.
“Yeah, she has,” I say and my face is burning from the blush that’s now painted on my face. I think every time I see her from now on I’m going to blush really hard at the memory of this conversation. Willow looks just as uncomfortable as I feel but at least she wasn’t stuttering or rambling because that might have made this even worse. Why, I don’t know, but I just think it would have.
“Well when someone does that is it worth all of the awkwardness and embarrassment? Because Oz and I were in his van the other night after a date and we were kissing and he wanted to do that to me but I got really nervous and started rambling and I don’t know if something like that is worth the trouble or not,” she babbles at warp speed and my blush starts to go away. Thank God she didn’t ask for specifics about me or I would’ve died.
“Yes, Willow, it’s totally worth it,” I say and she finally looks up into my eyes again. She looks embarrassed and a little freaked but also kind of curious. “It’s a little weird at first and I’m still not used to it completely. I get really self-conscious when she starts moving…towards that area, but once she’s doing it, it feels amazing and all I can think about is how great she’s making me feel.” A little blush creeps up on my face but I fight it off for the most part. She blushes too but not as bad as before.
“So what’s Faith like when no one else is around? Because sometimes when she’s around us she acts like a person I really don’t think anyone should be dating,” she says and she has that curious look on her face again. It’s true that Faith can be a little defensive and since we’re hiding our relationship she can be a little cold sometimes because she doesn’t want anyone to be suspicious. Considering my track record with dating I doubt Xander and Giles are going to think there’s anything going on.
“She’s completely different when it’s just the two of us. She’s so sweet and she treats me like a princess,” I say and get a little smile on my face just thinking about her. Her treating me so good might not be such a good thing, though. She’s going to spoil me. “It’s intense but it’s different than it was with Angel. She doesn’t make me miserable. Well, at least not all the time. But it isn’t her that’s making me sad and gloomy when I am. It’s the situation because I want everyone to know about us but she’s not ready.”
“Faith wants to keep something a secret? I didn’t think that was possible. She’s always bragging about the boys she sleeps with,” she says and her eyes go really wide like she said something wrong, like I’m not in the room when Faith brags about the guys she never really slept with. “Not that I’m calling her a hussy because this is the twentieth century and women can do with their bodies as they see fit even though many groups say otherwise.” I smirk a little but she still looks really freaked out and I can’t blame her. I haven’t exactly been the poster child of emotional stability lately.
“It’s ok, Willow. Faith doesn’t actually sleep around. She says that so you guys won’t bug her about her love life. She saw how hard you guys pushed me to be with Scott and she didn’t want you to do that with her,” I say and her eyebrows furrow a little. I guess she’s starting to realize that almost everything out of Faith’s mouth has been nothing but lies. I hope she doesn’t hold that against her because things are tense enough between the two of them without Willow holding some kind of grudge.
“We just want you to be happy, Buffy, and Scott is a nice, normal guy who’s had a thing for you for a long time. Ok, sure he isn’t being so nice now that you’re broken up but who really believes the rumors that people spread? And besides, it’s not really a rumor because it’s true,” she babbles and my eyebrows furrow. Scott Hope is spreading rumors about me? That little weasel. I cannot believe I ever considered going down on that guy. Thank God I didn’t or I’d be really upset about this.
“What rumors? I haven’t heard any rumors about me,” I say and Willow looks down at her math book with a guilty look on her face. Why she looks so guilty I don’t know but I really want to find out what this is all about. “Willow, what rumors has Scott been spreading about me?” My tone is firmer, a little clipped, and it sounds the exact same way when Sam does something she knows she’s not supposed to do. Great, now I’m using my ‘mom voice’ on my friends. That is so not the issue right now.
“He’s telling people you dumped him because you’re gay and you only dated him to make people think you’re straight,” she rushes out and it sounds like it physically hurt her to say that. Ok, how long has he been saying stuff like that and how come my so called friends never told me? “Don’t be mad. It’s not his fault that he’s right.” I can’t’ believe she’s defending him.
“No, but it’s his fault that he’s telling people this. How does he even know? He never saw me with Faith except when we would spar and he’d stick around,” I say and trust me I sound really mad. Willow looks up at me and her expression is different now. She’s giving me that ‘you can’t be that blonde’ look and I don’t like it. What else is she keeping me in the dark about? I think I kinda know how she feels now and I really need to open up to her more often because this feeling is fucking awful.
“You can’t tell me you’ve never noticed the way you and Faith spar,” she says and I give her my confused look. You know the one: head slightly tilted, eyebrows so furrowed they’re almost touching, plus patent pending. I try to think back to all of the times Faith and I have spared but I probably shouldn’t focus on those thoughts for very long because the thought of Faith wearing nothing but cut off shorts, a sports bra, and being all sweaty and pressed up against me is making me feel things I shouldn’t feel with Willow in the room.
“Well, I guess we can get a little rough sometimes because we don’t have to hold back and we’re both competitive. But I don’t see how he would have come to that conclusion just from watching us spar,” I say and Willow let’s out that little sigh that says ‘the hair dye is melting your brain’. Ok, so maybe I project a lot of my insecurities into her sighs and facial expressions but everybody does so whatever.
“Buffy, when the two of you spar everyone can feel the sparks between you two. Most of the time Xander has to leave to have some alone time in the bathroom.” Ew, why would she tell me that? “It even makes Giles turn extra British and hide in his office until you two are finished. I’m kind of surprised Scott didn’t start saying anything sooner.” Great, so she’s on that weasel’s side.
“Ok, so things between us can get a bit…charged and steamy but how come no one has said anything?” I ask and I can’t help but pout. If my friends already know without me having to say anything it would make things so much easier. Except for the part where Faith has a kid, I’m practically a step-mom, and they’ve been living me with for a couple of months now. I think that band-aid isn’t going to be ripped off without a fight.
“What are we supposed to say, Buffy? ‘Hey, I think you and Faith might be gay and secretly sleeping together, what are your thoughts on that? And could you maybe try to tone down the steaming sparing because Xander is starting to get carpal tunnel.’” Ok, so maybe she has a point that can’t really be denied.
“You’re right, I probably wouldn’t have reacted well,” I say and look down at the table again. Why does everything have to be so complicated? I just wish I could be at a scooby meeting and treat Faith like I want to treat her around my friends. I want to hold her hand, and give her the occasional kiss on the cheek just like I’ve done with all the other people I’ve dated. This whole ban on PDA’s is stupid and I need to talk to Faith about it because it’s starting to bother me a lot more than I thought it would.
“Don’t look so sad, Buffy. We just didn’t know how to ask you about it. We don’t think there’s anything wrong with you being with Faith, you know, romantically. In fact, Xander said that when you two finally fess up and start holding hands in public it should be declared a national holiday,” she says in that tone of voice she uses when she’s trying to cheer people up. Wait a second, what?
“Did you guys have a group meeting to discuss whether or not you should ask me if Faith and I are a couple?” I ask and I don’t sound very happy about it. The guilty look on her face mean I’m totally right and I cannot believe my friends did this. Why would they actually meet up and talk about me behind my back? This is ridiculous.
“We just didn’t know how else to handle it, Buff. It’s not every day you think one of your best friends might be gay and dating another one of your friends. But the important thing is we’re all here for you and we love you. Besides, you came out to me already so it’s not like you’re completely in the closet,” she says and I guess she’s right. They were acting creepy because they care. “If you do finally tell Xander just be prepared. He might faint or zone out for a long time or ask for details. Just remember that he cares but in his own icky boy way.” I can’t help but smirk at that and she’s right, Xander can be kind of icky sometimes.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I say and pick up my pencil. I think this break has been long enough. I’ve definitely learned a lot tonight. Not about anything that will help me on the test tomorrow but at least now I know how great my friends are. I know they’re not going to freak when I tell them that I’m in love with Faith and she loves me too and we’re a couple. Sure, Xander might drool, Giles will probably clean his glasses to death, and Oz will be all zen and mysterious, but at least after the dust settles they’ll be supportive. That’s all anyone can ever really ask for, right?
- 36
- 37
- 38
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Know Who I Am