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Know Who I Am	By : Paigie Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 4757 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
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Chapter List
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Ever since I became the slayer the number of good days I have in a year has greatly reduced. There’s always something stressful only I can handle because of this gift. And ‘m using the word gift very sarcastically. My grads have never been as high as I could get them before when I didn’t have to worry about some random end of the world situation. My social life is almost non-existent, and things with my mom will never been the same. So it’s safe to say that life has pretty much sucked since I was chosen to fight the undead and other nasties that wreak havoc on mankind.
All of that struggle, all of that loss, and stress and added pressure are totally worth it because I believe they all led to this moment. If I wasn’t the slayer I never would have burned down the gym at my school. So we never would’ve needed to move to Sunnydale. And if all of that didn’t happen then I never would have met Faith. And if I had never met Faith than she wouldn’t have pressed me up against the counter and started kissing me, which led to this moment.
Right now she’s on her knees giving me the best head she’s ever given. Maybe it’s the different angle that’s making it so great, maybe it’s the fact that we’re in the kitchen, maybe it’s that weird little fluttering things she’s doing with her tongue, hell maybe it’s all three, but this is by far the best. It’s not like she’s given me tons of it. She’s only gone down on me a couple of times, but this is heaven. It’s like she got the secret to great head from God and now she’s doing her best to share the info.
“Faith,” I moan and bite my bottom lip. I’m trying really hard to hold it all in because Samantha is asleep upstairs. I tighten my grip on her hair and grind my hips against her face. I don’t know how she’s able to do this. She must need to breathe, and her neck is probably starting to cramp but she’s still sucking on my clit like it’s the last piece of candy on Earth. She lets go with her lips and I groan in protest. Put the lips back! The lips are amazing! She starts doing that little fluttering thing again slowly all along the shaft of my clit and I barely bite back the loud scream.
“Oh God, don’t stop. I’m so close,” I say and my voice sounds so alien to my ears. It’s deep and strained and kinda gravely and if anyone ever tried to describe how I sound normally those wouldn’t be the words they’d use. I feel Faith’s fingertips tease my hole and I have to bite down on my lip again. I’m surprise it’s not bleeding. I look down at her and she’s looking up at me. Her eyes are so dark, her hair is tangled in my fingers, and she looks so beautiful. I’m going to come looking into her eyes and that thought gets me closer.
“Buffy, I’m home. Buffy what are you doing?” I hear and instantly my heart stops. I whip my head up and I see my mom standing in the kitchen doorway looking very confused. Faith is off of me in a second and I don’t know how she remembered since I’m silently panicking but she pulls my panties up instead of leaving them around my ankles. What am I supposed to say? How the fuck am I supposed to respond to that? “Are you alright, you look flushed.” Of course I look flushed, Faith was just sucking on my pussy, but I can’t tell her that.
“I’m fine,” I say and my voice still sounds really deep and gravely. I cough a little and pray it goes back to normal soon. “I just got back from a jog, so that’s why I’m all flushed and kinda breathless.” Please buy it, please buy it, please fucking buy it. From the loon on her face I think it’s safe to say that she’s not going to buy it. As subtly as I can I pull my skirt down and straight it out and hopefully she didn’t notice. I glance down at Faith and she’s trying to wipe my…fluids off her face.
“A jog, in that outfit?” she asks and crosses her arms over her chest. I glance down at myself and I have to admit she’s right. There’s no way I’d ever go jogging in this top. No, whenever I go for a jog I always put on sweats and pull my hair back. It was back but Faith took it down while we were making out. Why is this happening to me? She wasn’t supposed to be back until tomorrow! This shouldn’t be happening. Maybe it’s just a nightmare and if I just stay still I’ll wake up in my warm comfy bed with Faith snuggled against me.
“Buffy, what’s going on?” she asks and she sounds like she’s getting really agitated. I can’t blame her. It’s not like I’m fully participating in this conversation. “Is there someone else here? Are you…fooling around with someone?” How the hell does she know what? “Don’t look so surprised, young lady, I was married, remember? I know what sex smells like.” Oh shit.
“No, Mom, no one else is here,” I say and I know how stupid that sounds. She thinks I have a boy here but technically I don’t. She glares and the hair on the back of my neck stands up. I slay demons and vampires on a regular basis but ‘the mom’ look still scares me. How does that make sense? “Well Samantha is upstairs asleep and Faith is around here somewhere, but I don’t I have anyone over.” Her jaw sets in a tense line and she still doesn’t believe me, but that’s ok. As long as I don’t panic everything will be fine.
“Dammit, Buffy, when is this going to stop? You’ve lied to me for years about what you really are. You kept me in the dark about all of the important parts of your life, but I thought we were passed that?” Not a guilt trip. I don’t think I could take that right now. “Now you’re sneaking people over while I’m out of town. I just can’t trust you at all, can I?” My eyes water up, I can’t help it. I’m over sensitive right now and I can’t control my emotions very well.
“Mom, that’s not what happened,” I say and she lets out an angry sigh. “Can we go into the living room and talk about this?” I take a step forward but she doesn’t move. I think she looks even angrier. I don’t really see why she’s getting so upset. It’s not like I’m a virgin and she knows that. I really don’t think saying that out loud would be a good idea if I want to keep, you know, breathing and stuff.
“No, Buffy, we can’t. Tell me, who is it? Who do you have over that you don’t want me to see?” Oh shit, oh fuck, oh fucking shit. This is not good. She takes another step towards me and I have no fucking clue what to do. Should I tell the truth? It’s not like I know a spell to make Faith disappear. Maybe I should ask Willow about that since she’s starting to pick up on the magic. “Is it Scott Hope? Did you two get back together while I was gone?” Is she on drugs?
“No, it’s not Scott,” I say and just saying his name left a bad taste in my mouth. I glance down at Faith. She looks as panicked as I feel but there’s nothing we can do about it. This is happening even if we pray to all the gods and goddesses out there it’s not. Mom starts to walk around the side of the center island but before she can get too close Faith springs up from the floor with a guilty look on her face like she was caught sneaking a cookie before dinner. Or, you know, sneaking nookie in my mom’s kitchen.
“Hey, Mrs. S,” Faith says and she couldn’t look more guilty right now unless she was wearing a t-shirt that says ‘I heart Buffy’. I glance from Faith over to my mom and she looks shocked and stunned. Although I think those are synonyms so that might have been redundant, and I need to stop showing up for English class since I’m actually starting to learn. “How was your trip? Bag any new clients?” Smooth, Faith, very smooth. I don’t think that’s going to go over very well.
“It was fine,” Mom says and she sounds a little out of it. I guess she’s still trying to wrap her mind around what she’s seeing. “I have some prospective clients but nothing official. They want to take a look at the gallery first.” Oh yeah, totally out of it. I watch the emotions play across her face as she goes from looking confused, to more understanding, to really pissed off. I don’t think this is going to end well for anyone and I’m starting to panic. I just need to stay calm. That’s all I need to do and everything will be fine. “Buffy, you want to tell me what the hell is going on?”
“Mom, Faith and I,” I say and look over at Faith. She’s looking at me with big scared eyes but I have to do this. I’ve been wanting to tell my mom and about us for a long time now. My mom was right when she said that I never really shared anything important with her. I want to be able to share things about my relationship with her. Not the gory details, obviously, because that would be wrong. But I want her to know when Faith is treating me like a princess, and I want to curl up in her lap when Faith makes me cry. “Faith and I we’re….” I have no idea how to tell her. How the fuck am I supposed to tell her this?
“We’re together, Mrs. S,” Faith says and steps closer to me. She holds onto my hand and I try really hard not to panic when I feel her hand is still kind of…sticky. She really should wash those just in case my mom finds out. “I’m sorry we didn’t tell you but I was scared you would kick me out if you knew. I made B promise not to tell anyone, so don’t be mad at Buffy.” Yes, great idea, don’t be mad at Buffy. Why didn’t I think of that? I think Faith needs some more practice at this whole ‘dealing with my angry mom’ thing. Just because you say ‘don’t be mad at Buffy’ it doesn’t mean it’s going to work.
My mom doesn’t say anything right away. She just stands there looking shocked and pissed. I’m kind of shocked at what Faith said. I thought that maybe she would deny that we have feelings for each other. I thought maybe she would have blamed what happened on biological needs or whatever, but I never thought she would tell my mom we’re a couple. Well, an almost-couple. Real couples go out on dates and aren’t afraid to be seen in public. I glance back and forth from Faith to my mom and it’s like they’re having some weird stare down. Ok, does someone want to fill me in on what’s happening?
“Buffy, go upstairs. I need to talk to Faith in private,” my mom says and my jaw drops. Literally, my jaw just dropped and it takes a second for me to close it. I go to protest because there’s no way in hell I’m about to let Mom just tear into Faith without sticking around to defend her but I guess she doesn’t care about any of that. “Buffy Anne, don’t you dare argue with me right now. Get up to your room, young lady, and you stay there until I tell you to come down.” Wow, I never thought my mom would go back to the days before she knew I’m a slayer but hello déjà vu.
“B, just do what your mom says,” I hear Faith whisper softly to me and I look over at her. I can’t believe she’s taking my mom’s side. This is bullshit! But I don’t want to argue and act like a spoiled three year old. At least not in front of Faith. I nod my head a little and give her a kiss on the cheek. Maybe that was pushing it but I don’t care. I need her to know that I love her and if it made my mom glare at us like she’s trying to set us on fire with her eyes, which she totally is by the way, then so be it.
“Fine, I’ll go to my room,” I say and I sound totally calm and casual. I look my mom dead in the eyes and I can feel all of my anger and fear bubbling just under the surface. Why is she acting this way? It’s not like we were doing anything wrong. Ok, so maybe we should have kept it in the bedroom and not a communal space but that doesn’t mean she has to over react like this. “The conversation is about me, but that doesn’t mean I need to be here for it, right?” I storm passed her and I hear her let out a little sigh.
I know I said I didn’t want to throw a tantrum in front of Faith but I couldn’t help myself. This is so stupid. Why does she need to talk to Faith alone? Is she going to kick her out of the house because we got caught once or are they going to decide how many goats I’m worth? Either way it’s stupid that I’m banished to my room like a four year old in a time out while Mom and Faith talk about…whatever it is they’re going to talk about.
When I make it upstairs I slam my door and lay down on my bed. I’m going for the stereotypical ‘I’m a teen and my life is going to hell’ and I think I’m pulling it off really well. I try as hard as I can to concentrate and focus my slayer hearing to downstairs but I can’t hear a word they’re saying. They’re not yelling, which is good, but that could also mean that Faith isn’t going to fight for me, which would be bad. This whole situation is just so fucked up and I hate it. I hate that things keep going wrong right when they starts to get good again. I mean, when am I going to catch a break?
As soon as I feel the hot tears start to build up in my eyes I hear the door slowly open. I glance up but I don’t see anyone there. I sit up a little higher and I see Samantha slowly walking towards the bed and she’s holding something in her arms. When she gets to the edge of the bed I see that she’s holding Mr. Gordo. Why the hell does she have my pig? When did she even take it, she never got a chance together to sneak into my room. Hmmm, I think I’m going to have to put a lock on my door. I can’t be mad at her, though, because she looks really scared.
“Hi,” I whisper and she looks into my eyes for the first time. She’s been staring down at her feet since she walked in here. She’s toying with one of Mr. Gordo’s ears so she must be really nervous. I hope I’m not the reason she’s so afraid. Have I made too big of a deal about the pig? Because I don’t want her to be afraid of me.
“Hi,” she whispers back after a few seconds and looks down at her feet again. She looks so adorable right now all shy and cute and I want to hug her so bad right now. But I want to see what she wants first. “I tooked Gordy when I got sad but now you’re sad so you can haved him back.” I can’t help but smile at that and I can’t believe anyone would ever hurt this little girl because she is so damn sweet. And she’s only three. Imagine what she’s going to be like when she’s older.
“Thank you,” I say and she gently places the toy on the bed. I wrap my arms around it. She’s looking at me like she already wants to take him back but since she looks so sad about it I’ll let the face that she called him Gordy slide. “Do you want to lay down with me for a little while?” She nods her head yes and I help her climb onto the bed. Sometimes when she can’t get to sleep Faith will lay with her because it’s comforting.
She snuggles up really close to me and I breathe in that addicting baby smell. Sometimes when I need comfort I’ll pick Sam up and hug her close to me and just breathe deep. I know that may sound a little weird but it’s true and it never fails to calm me down and right now is no exception. I hear her let out a tiny exhale and her whole body just relaxes and sinks against me. I feel her tiny little arms reach out and she very slowly steals Mr. Gordo away from me and I let her. Mostly because he’s not the one bringing me comfort and partly because I’m too emotionally worn out to care.
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Know Who I Am