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Know Who I Am	By : Paigie Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 4757 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
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Chapter List
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As soon as I wake up there are two things I’m aware of. The first is that I already have a little smile on my face which means I was probably smiling in my sleep. It isn’t such an absurd thought considering what happened last night. The second thing I’m aware of is how sore my body is in all the right places. It isn’t sore in an annoying way like after I have a really rough patrol. It’s sore in the best way possible because it’s a reminder of the things Faith and I did to each other last night. I’m sure she’s going to be just as sore when she wakes up.
I open my eyes and I’m a little surprised to see the entire room is bathed in light. If it’s already this bright out then why hasn’t Samantha woken us up waning breakfast and attention? I should probably go check on her just to be safe. She’s three so maybe she decided she’s big enough to make her own breakfast and got hurt really bad, like to the point where she can’t cry out for help. Ok, now I’m just being paranoid, but just the thought of that sends a little shiver of fear down my spine. Maybe I should go check on her just for my own peace of mind.
I slowly sit up so I don’t disturb Faith. I don’t want to wake her up or she might be grumpy. I stretch my arms high above my head and sigh in relief when all of my bones pop and crack and all of the other weird sounds they make. I look down at Faith and I can’t help but smile. She’s so cute when she’s asleep. She always looks so relaxed and carefree and it’s nice to see her like this since it’s so not the case when she’s awake.
I know I shouldn’t risk waking her up but I can’t help myself. I move some of her tangled hair out of her face and place a soft kiss on her forehead. She twitches a little but she doesn’t wake and I get a really warm feeling spreading throughout my body. My almost-girlfriend is possibly the most adorable person on the planet. I could sit here and watch her sleep all day but I won’t because that would be pretty creepy.
Instead of giving into my stalker tendencies, I get out of bed and don’t even bother looking for my clothes. I have no idea where Faith threw them and I’m not going to waste time searching for them until I’ve had some coffee. I open up Faith’s dresser drawers and I’m surprised she can find anything in here. There’s no organizational system at all. I’m not saying she should be OCD about it but would separating the socks from the underwear and the underwear from the night shirts really hurt her that much? I grab a baggy t-shirt and a pair of boxers and slip them on. It isn’t cold despite that it’s December. Gotta love Southern California.
I slip out of the room as quietly as I can and stand outside the doorway for just a moment. Now that I’m out of bed, away from Faith and our little love nest, I’m waiting for the panicked feeling to come back, but nothing is happening. I don’t feel like things are about to go horribly wrong. All I feel is happy, like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and I don’t feel guilty about feeling so carefree, which may be a first for me. I think I could get used to feeling this way and if things with Faith stay the way they are I probably will.
With a little smile on my face and a slight limp to my step, I quietly make my way towards Sam’s room. If she’s still asleep I don’t want to wake her up. I don’t think she’s a light sleeper. Now that I’m thinking about it, I hope to God she’s not a light sleeper because Faith and I forgot to turn the stereo on and if she woke up she would have heard pretty much everything. No child, especially Faith’s, should hear the noises that came out of that bedroom. We’re just lucky my mom is out of town because even if we had music playing I’m sure she would have known what was going on. Just the thought of that grosses me out.
“Oh no, the evil lion is coming. Run away!” I hear when I get closer to Sam’s room. I hear her little footsteps scurry across her bedroom and then I hear her closet door open and then quickly close. She must not be hungry if she’s playing instead of waking Faith and me up for food. “The lion will never find us in here.” I have to cover my mouth with my hand to stop from laughing. She sounded so serious and it was the most adorable thing I’d ever heard. “Raaaarrr! Oh no, the lion found us. Run!” Ok, I take it back. That was the most adorable thing I’ve ever heard.
I open the door very quietly and peek inside the room. I see Samantha running across the room with a toy in each hand and a huge smile breaks out on my face. This is the first time since Tanner’s been gone that Sam looks happy and carefree. All of the shit I’ve been through, the fight with Faith and the uncertainty and all of the frustration and worry is completely worth it. Seeing her so happy and doing something she hasn’t done in weeks is such an amazing sight. I would die for this little girl and her mother if it means she gets to play and just be happy and get to act like a normal little kid.
I want to go in there and play with her but I don’t want to disturb her. I don’t want to take that moment away from her. So I shut the door as quietly as I can and head back down the hall. I don’t want to wake Faith up yet even though I have some pretty interesting ideas of how I could do that. The first is something innocent. Some light kisses on her lips and face and gently coaxing her awake. The other involves a repeat performance of last night but I don’t want to bore you with the details.
I think it would be nice to make a big breakfast for everyone. Faith has been doing most of the cooking since my mom has been away and we’ve also had a lot of take out. It would be a nice gesture to give her a home cooked meal instead of relying on her to do all of the cooking. That’s slightly sexist if you really think about it. Now that I’m thinking about it, after the way she made me feel last night I think I’d have to cook her breakfast for the rest of our lives to pay her back.
I’m not just talking about the physical pleasure that she gave me. I’m talking about her making me feel safe and loved in a way that no one ever has before. I was so nervous about going down on her and even though I fumbled big time in the beginning she was so patient and loving and she never made me feel stupid for not knowing what to do right away. She didn’t make me feel like that at all. Even though my jaw got really sore after a while, and I was kind of dizzy from the lack of oxygen, I can’t wait to do it again.
I’m in such a good mood, I think I’m going to try making pancakes this morning. I’ve tried making them in the past and it never worked out. It was always a disaster from the beginning. What pan am I supposed to use? Do I melt some butter in the bottom of it or use that non-stick cooking spray? Then it turned into a fiasco trying to measure out the pancake mix without getting it everywhere and no matter what I tried they always turned out burnt on the outside and gooey in the middle. But Faith taught me how to make the perfect pancake so I don’t need to worry about that anymore.
She’s pretty amazing if you think about it. She’s an amazing mom, she can cook, she’s really smart, she’s sexy, she’s funny, she’s great at slaying, she’s a total bobcat in bed, and she’s only eighteen. Well, she’ll be nineteen at the end of the month. Hmm, I wonder what I’m going to get her. I already have her and Sam’s Christmas presents all picked out and hiding in the back of my closet waiting to be wrapped, but what am I going to do for Faith’s birthday? It should be something fun, and maybe sexy, and come from Victoria’s Secret. Yeah, that sounds like it could work.
I wonder if she would like a surprise like that. I’m not the innocent little girl that everyone seems to think I am, but I don’t really have any super sexy lingerie. What if Faith doesn’t think it’s sexy? What if she thinks it’s totally slutty and she stops being attracted to me? Ok, hold on a second. This is Faith we’re talking about. If I buy some sexy lingerie to wear for her birthday she’ll probably start drooling and looking at me like the wolf in the cartoon where he looks at a sheep but what he really sees is lamb chops. I don’t know why my thinking always gets so negative all the time. Maybe I should see someone about that.
“Good morning, B,” I hear Faith practically purr and she wraps her arms around me. I fight back the urge to jump since she startled me but I won’t hold it against her. If I hadn’t been zoning out I would have felt her coming. She starts placing these tiny open mouthed kisses along my neck and now I’m the one practically purring.
“Good morning, baby,” I say and I hold my breath for a second. I didn’t mean to call her that and I have no idea how she’s going to react to a pet name. She didn’t mind last night but that was different. She either didn’t hear me or she doesn’t care because she keeps kissing my neck and now she’s lightly rubbing my sides. I wonder if she’s going to try something. I hope she’s ready to be disappointed because I’m not having sex in the kitchen. But this attention does feel really nice. “You’re being a cuddle-bug this morning. What’s the occasion?”
“So now I need a special occasion to give you some love?” she says and she’s trying to sound hurt but I can hear the smile on her face. “I see how it is, B. So maybe I should just stop what I’m doing and wait for a special day.” But she doesn’t stop. She tightens her grip a little and places one last kiss on my neck before resting her chin on my shoulder. I let out a little content sigh and flip the pancakes.
“I wasn’t saying you need a special occasion. I was just asking what put you in this good mood, that’s all.” She stops rubbing my sides and rests her hands on my stomach. Instantly I cover her hands with one of my own and hopefully she’ll get the message. The message being that she’s welcome to do this whenever she wants.
“Well, that’s easy. There was this little demon that snuck into my room last night and rocked my world. It was gone when I woke up but I’m hoping it’ll come back soon,” she says and I can’t help but smile. So she liked what I did to her last night. I got the hint last night, especially when I started paying more attention to her clit and she started moaning really loud and almost broke my neck with her pelvis, but there was a tiny bit of doubt in my mind. She just erased all of it, though.
“A demon, huh? That doesn’t sound good,” I say and carefully place the now finished pancakes on a plate and pour in the rest of the batter. “I should probably stay with you in case it comes back so I can keep you safe.” I hear her chuckle a little and she softly kisses my neck again. I lean my body a little more into hers and I can’t help the little purring sound that makes its way out of my throat. What can I say? I’m happy and I don’t care who knows it.
“What are you doing?” I hear a tiny voice ask from the doorway and my whole body tenses up. I glance over at the doorway and Samantha is standing there in her night shirt and for some reason her brown faux leather boots with the fake fur along the top and she looks totally confused. Faith lets go of me and takes a step back. I turn more to the side so I’m facing Sam but I can also see Faith out of the corner of my eye. Ok, what the hell are we supposed to say?
“Uh, I was just giving Buffy a hug,” Faith says and she sounds about as lost as I feel right now. I hope Samantha buys whatever Faith is going to say. She’s really good at picking up on lies or at least she’s starting to get good at it. That might make things between Faith and I more complicated if she wants to keep this relationship a secret for much longer.
“Why?” Sam asks and she sounds even more confused. I really don’t blame her for that. It’s not like Faith and I ever show affection in front of Sam. Up until recently we weren’t really affectionate with each other at all. Faith and I have been really tense around each other and Sam has definitely noticed. So it has to be really odd walking into the kitchen and see the two of us sharing a really random embrace.
“Because she was sad, and when people are sad a hug can make them feel better,” Faith says and I think it’s a little strange how good she is at just coming up with random stuff like that. I mean, she’s not a very good liar and I can see that from a mile away but she can come up with some pretty convincing stuff. Now if she could just get rid of her tells then she would be golden.
“Why is Buffy sad?” Sam asks and I glance over at Faith. She doesn’t have anything, I can tell. Her mind is totally blank and the silence is starting to not only get really long but also very awkward and kind of suffocating. Like the whole room is going to collapse in on us if someone doesn’t say something to take the pressure away. Ok, I’m starting to panic. Think, Buffy, think. Oh, I think I got something.
“I’m sad because I miss my mom. She’s been gone for a really long time and she won’t be back for a couple more days and it made me sad. So your mom gave me a hug to make me feel better,” I say and Faith is looking at me like she can’t believe I just pulled that out. I have no idea where that came from but I don’t think it matters because Sam doesn’t look confused anymore.
“I miss Gram too,” she says and now she looks sad. I guess she’s faking, though, because Faith has a small smile on her face. I watch as Faith walks over and picks her daughter up and holds her really close. Sam wraps her arms around Faith’s neck and I can tell she’s holding on pretty tight. They sit there for a second hugging each other and I turn my attention back to breakfast. Luckily the rest of the pancakes didn’t burn or that would’ve been really bad.
I hear Faith’s voice as she whispers something to Samantha, but I can’t make out what she’s saying. I guess if she wanted me to know she wouldn’t be whispering and I won’t let my curiosity get to me. I glance over just in time to see Faith give Sam a little kiss on the forehead and she puts her down. As soon as she’s on the floor Sam runs off and Faith just stands there for a second smiling.
Neither one of us says a word but it doesn’t get awkward, which I’m grateful for. Faith walks over to me and I think she’s going to hold me again. It would be nice but a little risky. I don’t want Sam asking more questions because she might say something in front of my mom and I think we’ve been doing a good job about being sneaky. She doesn’t hug me, though. She gives me a kiss on the cheek and gently rubs my back for a second and I know what she’s doing.
She’s checking to see if I’m ok because she wants to keep us a secret and I don’t. I’m not going to hold it against her. I’m not going to be bitchy or impatient because she was in a really bad relationship for a long time and I don’t want her to think this relationship is going to turn toxic. But mostly she doesn’t have anything to worry about because I want to be a part of her family and if that’s going to happen it’s going to take a lot of time and if this is going to work she needs to see this can work without getting any pressure. I’m not known for my patience so hopefully I won’t die from waiting.
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Know Who I Am