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Been Here Too Few Years	By : addielogan Category: > Buffy/Spike(William) > Buffy/Spike(William) Views: 18659 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Sleep came and went for Buffy that night,
and she was never able to fall too deeply. Still, the sleep she did find was
plagued with hazy dreams, snippets too cloudy to put words to becoming all that
lingered upon waking.
It was a little before six when Buffy
decided to give up on getting any real rest. She knew if Spike had been there
to hold her, comfort her, maybe it would've been different, but as it was she
was alone with her thoughts and had no way to quell them long enough for her
eyes to stay closed.
She got out of the bed, shivering slightly
despite the fact that it was summer in Southern California. She figured Giles
must've gotten hold of the thermostat. His thick English blood made him loathe
the heat he found here, and it had been an ongoing struggle between him and her
mother. And then in the winter, it had all been reversed.
Just the memory of that alone brought tears
to her eyes. She remembered happier days, before Angel's death, when she'd
watch as the two of them went back and forth between the thermostat
for days at a time until finally, one would break and the bickering would
begin.
Only it would never last long. Minutes into
the argument, Giles would invariably lean over and whisper something in Joyce's
ear. She'd giggle, and that would be the end of it. They seemed so happy.
Buffy wondered if they still had that, or if
she'd driven a wedge between them. Like she had between her mother and father
the first time around�
She shook her head, trying to drive those
thoughts away. Giles obviously still loved her mother. The look on his face
when come to get her had told her so. He was stricken at the thought of losing
Joyce, of losing the woman he loved.
Buffy hoped whatever tension had arisen in
their marriage in December was gone now. She didn't feel as if Giles forgiving
Joyce when she had not been able to would've been a betrayal against her. Even
as angry as she'd been with her mother, Buffy still wanted her to be happy, still
wanted her to have someone to love.
She found her robe and wrapped it around the
shorts and tank top she'd worn to bed. Quietly as so not to wake the other two
occupants of the house, Buffy went downstairs and to the kitchen. Buffy
realized it had been quite a while since she'd eaten, with the shock of finding
out about her mother and the trip down to Sunnydale. She went to the breadbox
and found the raisin bread her mother always kept there, then
slid two pieces into the toaster.
It was when she was buttering the toast that
she broke down. How many mornings had she sat in this very kitchen, eating this
same breakfast with her mother? She thought back to Saturdays, when Dawn had
stayed in bed longer than the both of them, and she and her mother had breakfast
together, shared the paper.
Well, Joyce had read the actual news part of
the paper, and Buffy had read the comics and done the Jumble, but it was close
enough. They had been quiet mornings, but there'd been a peace and calmness to
them. Buffy had known she was safe and warm in her home�with her mother. Even
if Joyce did recover, all that was
lost to her now.
She jumped, almost screamed, when she felt
arms wrap around her waist, but it took only a second for her to identify them,
and she turned in his embrace, pressing her cheek against his chest as she did.
"How did you get here?"
"Da gave me a key before he and Dawn
left L.A."
Buffy shook her head against his black
t-shirt. "No, I meant here now.
You're supposed to be with the band today."
"I called Oz, told him they'd have to
deal without me a day earlier than planned. I couldn't stay away any longer,
not after hearing you on the phone." Spike tightened one arm around her
while the other hand came up to stroke her hair. "My girl needs me."
"I do. I always need you, Spike."
"I know."
Silence fell in the kitchen again, but the
couple didn't move. Spike stood strong, his muscles tense as he tried to be the
rock he knew Buffy needed him to be.

***
*** ***
The hospital was only allowing Joyce two
visitors at a time for the time being, and Buffy told Giles and Dawn to see her
first. She needed a little more time to collect her thoughts, to rein in her
emotions to a manageable level before she faced what was in that hospital room
again.
She rested her head against Spike's
shoulder, taking comfort in his small touches, the way he ran his fingers
through the dark strands of her hair. For what she was sure had to be the
hundredth time that day, Buffy felt grateful for Spike being there.
She couldn't imagine having to go through this without him there to comfort
her. He seemed to know instinctively what she needed, and his presence alone
had done much for her.
"Buffy?"
She lifted her head at the sound of Giles's
voice and saw him standing in front of them, Dawn at his side. Her sister's
head was turned slightly, her hair curtaining her face, and Buffy wondered if
she was crying.
"Your mother�she wants to see you. Are
you up to it now?"
Buffy took a moment to steel herself, then nodded. "Yeah. I
can go in there."
Spike gripped her hand as she started to
rise. "Do you need me with you, pet?"
She shook her head. "Not right now. I
think it'll be better if it's just me."
Spike nodded, understanding. "I'm here
if you need me."
"I know." Buffy brushed a kiss
against his cheek then stood and went to her mother's hospital room.
Joyce still looked sick, but she seemed
different by the light of day. She looked more like she was actually there. She smiled when Buffy came into
the room and shifted against her pillows.
"Here, Mom, let me straighten those for
you," Buffy said, going over to the bed and fixing Joyce's pillows so she
could get comfortable against them. "Is this better?"
"Yes. Thank you, Buffy."
"You're welcome."
Buffy started to go away from the bed and to
the chair beside it, but Joyce reached out and grabbed her hand. Buffy
swallowed at the sight of the IV pushing under her mother's pale skin.
"I'm glad you're here, Buffy,"
Joyce told her. "I was afraid�when I woke up this morning. I was afraid it
hadn't been real. Between the drugs and the tumor, I'm not always sure what's
going on."
"I'm really here, Mom. I couldn't not be here,
not when you're like this."
"Yes you could." Joyce looked
down, no longer able to meet her daughter's eyes. "And I wouldn't have
been able to blame you for it either."
Buffy thought that was a bit ironic coming
from a woman who had had a habit of blaming her for just about anything, but
she didn't comment on that. Such a statement would stir things up, and she
didn't want to do that anymore. She wanted to work towards letting things
settle. "No, I couldn't. I�" Buffy cleared her throat, the words she
thought she should say sticking there even though she did mean them.
"You're my mother."
"I haven't done the best job of being
your mother."
Buffy said nothing. Any arguments to the
contrary would sound hollow, she knew, and she didn't have the heart to confirm
it either.
The statement hung heavy between them,
expanding, filling the space until the tension was thick. Joyce spoke first, clearing
her throat before asking, "Is Spike here?"
"Yes. He came down this morning. I need
him here."
Joyce pulled her hands into her lap, staring
at the backs of them for a moment. "I shouldn't have treated him the way I
did."
Buffy sucked in a deep breath, but she
couldn't let that statement rest on its own like the other. "No, Mom, you
shouldn't have. Spike's a good man, and he loves me very much. He takes care of
me. He didn't deserve to have anyone belittle what he feels for me the way you
did."
Joyce looked up, her expression startled as
if she didn't expect such a vehement response from her daughter. "It
really shocked me, Buffy. I'd never thought the two of you� He's Rupert's
son."
"And we're both adults. Spike is not my
brother. I didn't grow up with him, and you marrying Giles didn't change my DNA
structure. We're two grown people who met and fell in love. Madly,
deeply in love. You should be happy for us."
Joyce blinked, silent for several moments,
and Buffy waited for the lecture, for the insistence their relationship was
wrong. She didn't expect what her mother did
say. "I know, Buffy. And I am, now that I've had time to think about it.
It's obvious you care for each other a great deal, and I can be accepting of
that. I do want you to be happy, sweetheart. More than anything, I want that.
It eats me up inside how I hurt you, the pain I put in you. You're my baby,
Buffy, and hurting you is the last thing I ever wanted to do."
Buffy could believe that, even if the
sentiment wasn't worth so much now, given all that had happened. It didn't take
away the pain, but still she said, "I know, Mom."
Another awkward silence,
and Buffy began to fidget with her ring, desperate for something to keep her
occupied. This was all even harder than she'd thought it would be� What should
she do? Should she excuse herself for now? Tell Giles and Dawn to come back in,
keep her mother company? Is that what she wanted
to do?
As if sensing her daughter's thoughts, Joyce
said, "Stay in here with me for a while, Buffy. We�we can watch television
if you'd like. Thrilling talk shows and soap operas abound." She gave a
small, hopeful smile.
Buffy thought about the request for only a
moment before she sat down in the chair and gestured up to the television above
the bed. "Well then, fire that sucker up, and see what we can find."
Joyce smiled at her daughter again and
reached for the remote control.

***
*** ***
After an hour, Joyce fell asleep, the
medication and the tumor itself taking their toll. Buffy stood quietly,
prepared to leave the room and let her mother sleep, but she stopped, staying
by the bed for a moment to watch her.
She was acutely aware that these could be
among the last moments she spent with her mother, and the thought made bile
rise in her throat. The surgery wasn't a guarantee, and it was completely
possible Joyce could die on the operating table. Buffy didn't want to face it,
but the reality hung on her anyway. This could be her mother's last day alive.
Buffy took Joyce's hand, careful not to wake
her as she did. It was still warm, the blood still flowing in her veins, and
Buffy didn't want to know how it would feel otherwise. She wasn't ready to say
good-bye�
They were supposed to have time to start
over, time enough to build something new from the ashes of what was before.
Gently, Buffy kissed her mother's forehead
before letting her hand go and leaving the room.
Giles craned his neck back to look at Buffy
when she returned to the waiting room. "How is she?"
"Sleeping," Buffy replied as she sat
back down against Spike.
"It's probably the best thing for her
now," Giles replied. "She needs her rest."
Buffy nodded, leaning against Spike now as
his arm went around her shoulders.
"Dawn and I were going to go get
something to eat. We've had our fill of hospital food," Giles said to
Buffy. "Would you like to come along?"
"No. I'd like to stay longer,"
Buffy replied, shaking her head. "I know she's asleep now, but I just
want�I want to be here."
"I understand." Giles rose to his
feet. "We won't be gone long. Would you like us to bring you something
back?"
Buffy didn't feel much like eating, but she
knew she might later. "Yeah. That would be nice.
Thanks."
"Will?" Giles asked, nodding
towards his son. "Would you like me to bring you something, too?" There
was no question as to where Spike would be if Buffy was staying at the
hospital.
"Yes. Thank you," Spike answered.
Dawn and Giles said their good-byes, then
left Spike and Buffy alone. Buffy was silent for a while, resting against
Spike, enjoying the bit of peace being with him could give her.
She started to feel drowsy, but she didn't
want to fall asleep, not there, not then. She looked up at Spike. "Honey,
could you go get me a diet Coke? There's a machine back over there." She
pointed, showing him where.
"Of course, luv," Spike replied as
he kissed the top of her head.
Spike walked down the hall until he spotted
the drink machine, got what Buffy had asked for, then
headed back towards her.
He stopped short when he saw that in the
short time he'd been gone, a man he didn't recognize had filled the seat he'd
vacated.
And Spike did not like the way the man was
looking at his Buffy.

***
*** ***
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Been Here Too Few Years