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Know Who I Am	By : Paigie Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 4757 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
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Chapter List
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I let out a little sigh as I stare up at the ceiling. All in all today was a good day and it’s been a while since I’ve been able to say that. Giles thinks he finally found a lead on where the vampire cult is staying but he needs to confirm that with his sources before we check it out. With all of the little kids that have gone missing I’m really anxious to get in there and kick some demon ass. It’s been driving me kind of crazy how quiet the patrols have been and I’m getting nervous because it means sooner or later there’s going to be ciaos.
I’m also working really hard at mending my friendships. All of the drama with Faith took my attention away from them for a really long time. I did some retail therapy with Willow, bought her a new outfit for her next date with Oz and we finally had a chance to really talk. We also had a big group hang out night at Willow’s so Xander doesn’t feel left out. I still haven’t told either of them about Samantha and I feel guilty about it. I’m practically becoming a step-mom and they know nothing about it. I’m scared and I’m nervous and I should be able to talk about that with my best friends but I swore to Faith I’d keep her a secret for now.
My mom has been out of town all week in San Francisco. There was a big art gallery opening that she was invited to and she’s been going around to some other galleries making friends with the dealers and all of that other art stuff. Networking, I guess is the proper business term. All I know is she won’t be back for another four days and it is possibly the best thing that could have happened. I love my mom, don’t get me wrong, but having the house to ourselves has really given Faith and I a chance to talk without having to worry about Mom overhearing something we’re not ready for her to know.
It’s great being able to just relax with Faith. To cuddle with her on the couch while we watch television, or have a very light make-out session before we go to bed. We’ve been sleeping together, in the literal sense, for the last couple of nights and it’s so far beyond great. Being able to lie next to her, to talk with her about how patrol went that night since we’re still taking turns, and just about our day in general is really bringing us closer. I also think Tanner giving that impromptu visit helped a lot. Faith isn’t as stressed out now. She really does believe that he’s going to stay gone and she finally got to say goodbye.
We haven’t had sex since that morning after we shared that wonderful night but to be honest I don’t really need it. Don’t get me wrong, my body and hormones are going crazy being so close to her for so long and not acting on them, but I don’t need to be with her sexually to be happy. Just lying in bed next to her listening to her breathe or holding her while she falls asleep is enough for now, at least. We both think it’s a good idea to wait and I don’t want to put any pressure on her by going back on our agreement.
So that’s what’s been going on over the last week and a half. Right now I’m lying in Faith’s bed waiting for her to get out of the shower. It was her turn to patrol tonight and she had a little bit of action. Some weird looking demon gave her a run for her money and got her pretty dirty by throwing her into a mud puddle. The way she told the tale someone at this moment is writing a song about the epic battle between Faith and the demon. She’s probably working off the post-slay hornies with the detachable shower head but I’m really trying to keep my mind away from that thought.
Let’s see, what else is there to think about? Oh, I’m getting totally better at this whole baby-sitting thing. Sam listens to me better now than she did even a week ago and she’s happy about spending time with me. When Faith and I first started switching patrol Sam would throw a little temper tantrum because she didn’t want to stay here without her mom. But now she knows that alone time with me means ice cream after dinner, playing with some of my childhood toys, and playing dress up with my shoes and some of my jewelry, and sometimes my sunglasses.
I hear the water shut off and my whole body tenses up. That means Faith is about to step out of the shower. She’s completely naked, dripping wet and if I had a spine I would go in there and take her in a very dominating fashion. Faith thinks I’m sexy when I get aggressive, she told me so herself, so why am I not going in there right now and pushing her up against a wall and screwing her until she can’t remember her own name? Because I have no sexual confidence and would make a fool of myself. Right, that’s probably it.
When the door opens my body tenses up even more. Faith doesn’t know that I’m in here. Being in her bed was supposed to be a nice surprise but now I’m not so sure if she’s going to like it. We’ve gotten a lot closer since the day Tanner dropped by unexpectedly but I’m not exactly sure what the boundaries are. We agreed to just do what feels right and being together feels right. Although in the past when I’ve acted on things that felt right certain undead people lost their soul and other people paid the price, so maybe it’s a good idea to over think everything.
“Sneakin into my bed, huh, B?” Faith says when she sees me. She shuts the door and I can’t help but gulp. She looks so sexy in nothing but a towel and a smirk. “Couldn’t be away from me for half an hour?” I know what she’s doing. She’s trying to make me sound kinda crazy and codependent to throw me off my game but I can see right through that little smirk of hers. To be honest I wish I could see through the little towel she has wrapped around her body but not everyone can get what they want.
“I wouldn’t say that,” I tell her and stretch out on the bed. I make a big show of it, raising my arms above my head, arching my back and letting out a little moan when I feel all of my bones and joints pop and crack and I make sure to keep eye contact with her the whole time. She may be hot with nothing but a towel and water still dripping from her hair, but I can be sexy too. From the way her eyes just dilated a little I’d say she agrees. “You I can resist. This nice, big, comfy bed I’m having a hard time staying away from.” She quirks her eyebrow and her smirk turns into a feral grin. Oh crap, that’s the same look she gets when a vampire calls her a little girl and she proves him wrong by beating him to a bloody mess.
“Alright,” she says and shrugs her shoulders a little. She’s trying to act like she doesn’t care, like my words had no effect whatsoever, but I can see the wheels turning in her head. Now the important question is: what the hell is she planning? “Go ahead and have your affair with my bed. I’m just gonna change.” Before I can say anything or cover my eyes or do anything that could be defined as a reaction, she lets go of the towel and it pools around her feet. She stands there smirking at me for just a second and then she walks over to her dresser.
Ok, I see how she wants to play this. She’s playing chicken, naked chicken, and I may not have much experience with this particular mind game but I am the epitome of self control. Faith may not think that because she’s really good at knocking my will power on its face, but I can resist her. She’s been walking around completely naked with beads of water dripping down her strong back and for a whole fifteen seconds and I haven’t given into temptation. I’d say things are going great so far and oh my God she’s bending over. That has to be cheating!
Alright, just stay calm. You’re stronger than your hormones. You’re stronger than Faith’s perfect ass all up in the air and practically begging me to run my hands all over it. You’re stronger than the desire to run your nails down her perfect back. I see her lips peeking out and they look all glisteny and I can hear Faith’s voice in the back of my mind tempting me saying ‘give us a kiss, B’. Even when she’s completely silent she’s still kind of a bitch. Seriously, who thinks it’s ok to tease someone like this after both parties agreed it would be best to take the physical stuff really slow? Faith, that’s who. Always pushing boundaries and every button she sees.
She slips on a pair of red panties and is it just me or is she doing it really slow so my eyes are forced to trail up her strong, toned legs and have a fantasy about those legs wrapped around my body while I make love to her so frantically and hard that her back might break? When the panties reach their destination she lets the elastic band go with a little snap and I don’t know why but my toes just curled. She’s good at this, a little too good at this, but she isn’t going to win. I’m determined to beat her at this game, even if it makes me combust into a Buffy shaped ball of fire. Considering we live on a hellmouth that isn’t impossible.
She takes an old, baggy t-shirt out of the top dresser drawer and slips it on. She grabs the towel off the floor and starts drying her hair. With her arms raised above her head her shirt rises up and I can see her panties under the hem of the shirt. Even though she’s wearing clothes now I’m just as turned on as I was before and I’m getting even more aroused by the sight of her drying her hair. I know it sounds kind of weird but with the tattoo and the skimpy clothes and her hair all wild and messy she looks like a rocker chick or something and for some reason right now that’s hot and sexy and I want to do dirty things to her.
After about five minutes of drying her hair and me staring at her like a freak, Faith drops the towel to the floor again and lets out a little sigh. She moves her hair out of her face and quickly combs her fingers through it but it still looks wild and totally sexy. I watch her with an intense gaze as she walks to the empty side of the bed. She’s trying to act casual, like what happened wasn’t a big deal, and like my gaze on her isn’t having an effect, but I can see the goosebumps on her arms and thighs.
“So how was your day at school, B? Did you get the grade back on your history test yet?” she asks and lies down on the bed next to me. Her voice sounds deeper and huskier than normal. She’s close but not too close. I can practically feel the heat pouring from her body and I want to reach out and touch her just to see if I’ll be burned or not. Her eyes don’t stay on mine for long. They wander down to my lips and seeing her staring at them with so much want is making me feel kind of dizzy. I don’t think there’s any blood left in my brain. That might be a problem if I try to answer those questions.
“It was good,” I say and holy crap, was that my voice? It sounds so strange. So deep and husky and kinda strained. Faith glances up into my eyes again and her pupils are dilating a little more. Hmm, so she thinks I sound sexy. I could totally use that to my advantage. She teased me so I guess it’s time to tease her back. “I got an A minus on the test.” I smile a little and her eyes wander down to my lips again. This should be easy. “I’m surprised I did that well, I was kind of distracted during class that day.” Maybe I shouldn’t do this. It might be too mean. On the other hand, she bent over while she was completely naked. It’s on.
“Why were you distracted?” she asks after a few seconds of silence. Damn, and I thought my voice was deeper and husky. Faith’s voice is always kind of like that but right now it’s…let’s put it this way, Hoover dam is holding back a tiny pond compared to the flood my panties are keeping in check. I think even with the cotton barrier it’s going to start running down my thighs soon. I take in a little breath and have to work really hard to control the urge to climb on top of her and have my way with that gorgeous mouth of hers.
“Because that day you came into the library to train with Giles during lunch. I sat and watched you for a little while. You’re so sexy when you get all aggressive and determined to win. Then you started making all of these noises and I closed my eyes for just a second and imagined us alone in the library together and there being a different cause for those grunts and groans coming from you. I got so turned on I had to leave and I was majorly distracted for the rest of the day.” Oh yeah, the panty dam is about to break. I think it’s safe to say these are done for.
“B,” Faith says but it sounds more like a throaty whimper. She bites her bottom lip and her breathing is getting deeper. Ragged puffs in and out of her nose and she almost sounds like a cartoon bull about to charge. I hate to say it so I’ll only think it: Faith is going to win. Before she can say anything else I close the distance between us and kiss her. This isn’t a soft or sweet kiss. It isn’t tentative or full of hesitation. I want her. Now. Fast. And hard. Hopefully she’s getting that message with this kiss.
She kisses me back just as fiercely, and cups my cheek with her hand. My whole body is burning for her, screaming at me to take her but I can’t do that. We said we were going to wait, that sex complicates things and we want to just be happy for a while before we try to take that next step. I feel her tongue on my bottom lip and I open my mouth just enough to let her inside. She teases the tip of her tongue along my upper lip and I think I just came a little bit. Is it just me or is losing sometimes the best thing in the world?
My lungs are screaming at me to pull back and take a breath, but I don’t want to lose this contact. Faith’s lips feel so good, her tongue teasing me so erotic, and I’m afraid in the time it takes to fill my lungs with the air they need something will happen to prevent us from doing this again right away. That thought sends a chill of panic down my spine and I wrap both of my arms around her, pulling her flush against me. We both moan at the contact and Faith pulls her mouth away from mine.
“B, we’re still taking things slow, right?” she asks and my breath gets caught in my lungs. Her lips are dark and swollen, her eyes are so dilated they’re almost completely black, her face is flushed, and I can feel her rapid breaths puffing out against my face. I can’t help but take a moment just to look at her. She’s the definition of temptation. She’s beautiful, she’s sexy, she’s hot, she’s dangerous but right now holding her in my arms and her looking at me the way she is I’ve never felt this safe before.
“Right,” I say and kiss her softly on the lips. She kisses me back and soon things are like they were before: heated, frantic, and I feel like if I don’t touch her soon my whole body is going to explode. And that’s not the hormones talking. That’s me talking, and I’m starting to think this slow idea is really stupid. “It’s still slow if we keep the touching above the clothes and waistline, right?” She kisses down my jaw line and when she nibbles on my earlobe my toes curl and I let out a long, very loud moan. Yeah, that’s definitely one of my spots. No doubt about it.
“Yeah, that’s what we meant by slow. Just some light second base stuff,” she says and as soon as the words are out of her mouth my hand trails from her back to her breast. Normally I’m not this bold and it takes a while before I outright cup her like this, but normally I’m not this turned on. I run my thumb over her hard nipple and I hear her hiss out a breath. If there was any doubt that she’s as turned on as I am it was just tossed out the window.
She abandons my ear and I mourn the loss for about three seconds. That’s how long it takes for her to start kissing my lips again. I know what you’re thinking: what took her so long? But I am toying with her sensitive nipple so it’s understandable that she’s distracted. Faith starts grinding against me and I can’t help but smile into the kiss. Grinding with Faith, or dry humping whatever you want to call it, is one of my new favorite things to do. Although the other night when we did it, it wasn’t exactly dry if you catch my drift. I gently but firmly pinch Faith’s nipple between my index and middle fingers and the moan she lets out reverberates all the way down to my toes.
“It’s still going slow if we touch under our shirts, right?” she asks, her lips softly rubbing against mine as she speaks and her breath mingles with mine as we pant heavily in each other’s mouths. I open my eyes and I don’t even recognize hers anymore. They’re almost pitch-black and the look in them is this primal, borderline predatory expression. It makes a cold chill shiver up my spine.
I nod my head a little and kiss her again. My God, kissing Faith is a full blown addiction and I need to be careful. If I’m not soon I’m going to end up on that television show with my friends and family reading letters they’ve written saying how much they love me but they think I need rehab. And a professional psychologist will be there saying things like ‘this is about love and healing, not blame’. Ok, I think I took that metaphor a little too far.
I think the more important thing I should be focusing on here is the fact that Faith stopped kissing me. I’m just as confused and upset as you are, trust me. Before I can ask why she stopped, she sits up and takes off her shirt. She drops it over the side of the bed and looks down at me with a little smirk on her face. If this is what she means by ‘light second base’ I can’t wait to see what full on second base is. God, when did I turn into such a horn dog? I sound more like Xander than I do myself. I guess that’s what being in bed with an almost naked Faith will do.
She lies back down and instantly her lips are on mine and it feels like she’s trying to devour me. That sounds kind of gross but it feels really good and my blood is starting to boil. I can’t tell if it’s metaphorical or literal and being on a hellmouth it could be either. But right now I don’t care. As long as I die kissing Faith I’ll die the happiest person in the world. I’m really glad she can’t read my mind or all of the sappiness might destroy the mood if she knew what I was thinking.
I wrap my arms around her back and how the hell does she get her skin that soft? I think I need to get some funding to look into this because there’s no way she’s not genetically mutated or something. Maybe she’s the next step on human evolution. Ok, so I’ll admit I’m focusing on the feel of her back and her amazing lips because I’m nervous about touching her. Sure I talk a big game about wanting to explore her body and claim it as my own and all of that other possessive, cavewoman like stuff.
But the truth is I’m really scared about doing this wrong. What if me being good was just a fluke? What if I can’t pleasure her the way I want? I’m starting to panic. There’s no doubt about that. Ok, I just need to stay calm. Faith isn’t the kind of person who goes along with something if she doesn’t like it. If I’m doing it wrong she’ll tell me. Hopefully she’ll tell me.
I feel her finger softly caress the skin right above the waist of my pajama bottoms. How I’m still fully clothed while she’s in nothing but her panties is a mystery to me. If I wasn’t so busy grinding against her hot body I would do something to make us a little more even. I suck in a deep breath when she scratches her nails into the soft skin and I think Faith is now the telepathic one and is about to take matters into her own hands.
My heart rate speeds up and I didn’t think it was possible for it to get any higher, when I feel her hand slip under my shirt and it starts sliding up my body. Her nails gently scratch my burning skin on its ascent towards my breast and I take Faith’s bottom lip into my mouth and lightly suck on it. That always drives her crazy and since she’s doing a great job at making me loony bin material I thought I would return the favor.
She palms my breast and my breath catches in my throat. It’s almost like my nipple has a direct connection to my pussy and it just got way wetter from that simple touch. She starts kneading my breast, flexing and relaxing her fingers on my over sensitive flesh, and my back arches pushing me closer to her. I didn’t think it was possible to get any closer but apparently I was completely wrong.
“Faith,” I moan when I end the kiss. I start placing wet, open mouthed kisses along her throat and she gently but firmly pinches my nipple. My hips buck sharply and the friction it caused makes both of us moan out. I can’t take it anymore. It’s a miracle I’ve lasted this long. “I don’t want to go slow anymore.” Who am I trying to fool? In no way does what we’re doing constitute as slow, but it’s polite to keep up appearances.
“Thank fucking God,” she says and a loud throaty groan rumbles out of her throat when I lightly nip at the skin on her neck. Hmmm, so she likes it when I nip. I didn’t know that before but now it’s noted. “So what do you want, B?” Her voice sounds strained. Probably because we’re still grinding against each other like animals in heat and I’m gently scratching my nails along her back, and I’m still kissing her throat. And she’s letting me set the pace? My almost girlfriend is very considerate.
“World peace…,” I say against her hot flesh. I place another kiss on her throat. She teased me, it’s time I returned the favor. “…the end of world hunger…,” I place another little kiss a little higher up on her neck and she shudders against me. I can tell she’s getting frustrated. Her whole body feels tense and she’s making these little whimpering noises in the back of her throat. I can tell she’s trying to hold herself back and is it wrong that I love the power I have over her? “…and I want a pony.” I nip along her neck until my lips are next to her ear. She moans again and I honestly can’t tell if that was out of frustration or pleasure.
“But right now, most of all,” I whisper right against her ear and I’m really glad she’s not looking at me or I wouldn’t be able to say this. “I want to go down on you.” The noise that comes out of Faith’s mouth is so foreign and animalistic I honestly don’t know how to describe it. She starts grinding harder against me and I’m going to take that as a good sign. A sign that she agrees my idea is a good one. Now if I could just get over my nerves and do it we’d both be totally happy.
“Oh fuck yeah,” she says and kisses me. It’s a frantic kiss, a needy kiss. A kiss that says her fuse is starting to run out and if I don’t do something soon to get her off something bad might happen. Ok, so that last description was just me projecting, but can you blame me? She pulls back from the kiss and I’m left panting harder, faster, and my head feels all woozy. I know there’s such a thing as punch drunk but is there such a thing as love drunk? ‘Cause I think I might be it. “Might sound selfish but I like the last one best.” I can’t help but smile at her words.
“I thought you would,” I say and I moan when she starts nibbling on my ear. That’s not fair, she knows I have sensitive ears. She’s getting even more worked up and now that I’ve said it she’s going to want it but I don’t know if I’ll be able to follow through with it. I need to let her know and I feel safe enough with her not to be afraid to tell her. I don’t need to be worried about how she’ll react. After everything we’ve been through I really don’t think there’s anything that can tear us apart.
“But I’m nervous,” I say and holy crap, is that my voice? I don’t think I’ve ever sounded so small or vulnerable before in my entire life. “I’ve never done that with another girl before.” Ok, that’s a little bit of a lie. I should probably say something before she points it out. “At least not on the giving end.” I will admit that being on the receiving end of Faith’s affections was amazing and I wouldn’t hesitate if she wanted to do it again. I feel a little guilty for not just doing it to her. She did it to me so it can’t be that scary or difficult, right?
“B, it’s alright,” she says and lifts up just enough so she can see me. She looks amazing, and beautiful, and hot, and sexy. Yep, she’s all those things wrapped up in a delicious package. Well, what I can only assume is delicious since I’ve never tasted her, not yet anyway. “There’s no rush or pressure or anything bad here. When you’re ready, you’re ready and I can wait until you are.” My God, I have the best almost girlfriend in the world. Her sweet words and the sincerity behind them are giving me the courage I need to fight back my nerves. Ok, I can do this, and hopefully it won’t be a disaster.
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Know Who I Am