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The Slayer	By : norwalker Category: BtVS AU/AR > FemmeSlash - Female/Female Views: 19613 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 32
- 33
- 34
The Slayer

By Norwalker

Part 32 of a multipart story.

Summary: What if Faith came first? If she were the slayer before
Buffy( if Buffy even became a slayer)? Just my take on what might have
happened. AU, of course.

Pairings: Cordelia/Faith; Willow/ Xander; other than that,
pretty much liquid. Even those might not be 'permanent'.

Rating: M( R )

Disclaimer: Characters depicted in this story, except for
original characters created by the author, are the sole property of Mutant
Enemy, Fox and Joss Whedon.

1

"Cordelia!"

Cordelia rushes down the school hall, her face burning. The wind
from her rushing seems almost icy, her face hot with anger, frustration and
humiliation.

The last thing she's wanting to do is to listen to Faith.

"STOP!"

Right, because that's going to happen� never!

The last thing she's wanting to do is stop. She's not Faith's
little puppy, waiting faithfully for her mistress at her command.

Except�

Part of her wants to stop. Wants Faith to catch up with her, and
hold her, and tell her everything is going to be ok, that nothing is wrong and
then�

And part of her wants to find a nice little rock to crawl under
and curl up under, and cry her eyes out, hoping the hot tears melt away the
hurt she feels.

And another part wishes she were strong enough to turn on Faith
and knock her silly.

The biggest part, however, is in control, and that part says
RUN, get away from this awfulness as fast and as far as she can. So, her legs
move faster, her heels clacking on the tiled floor of the school hallways as
she hears Faith's feet move faster behind her.

"Cordelia! STOP!"

Nuh-uh, no way!
Cordelia prepares to run as she hears Faith's footsteps quicken.

But it's hard to run in heels, and even before she can launch
into a trot, Faith is upon her, grabbing her and spinning her around.

"Didn't you hear me tell you to stop?" Faith, looking
just a little livid, yells at her.

"Excuse me, when did you buy me again?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Faith spits
out, frustrated.

"I'm not your slave, Faith. Nor your dog. I don't stop on
command!"

"What??!!?? What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you
acting like this?"

"Like this? Like what? Like someone with a mind of there
own? Well, someone around here should have one, don't you think?"

"Huh? Did you just insult me?"

"Well, duh!"

Suddenly they become aware they're not alone. Looking around,
they see a few lingering students hanging around, watching them. Hoping
probably for a catfight.

Both women glare at them, finally causing the scattered students
to redden and move away and go about their own business.

"What is your problem?" Faith breaks the silence after
the others leave.

"MY problem? Excuse me? I'm not the one going around
beating people for no good reason!"

"No reason? You're kidding, right? You were totally out of control,
slinging around wild accusations and acting like a spoiled brat!"

"Wild accusations my ASS!" Cordelia shouts at her.
"That's rich! You just don't like the truth when it comes up and slaps you
in the face!"

"So, you're the truth now? Because, you sure were all about
the slapping! God, you're lucky I didn't�"

"What? Hit me? Oh, wait, that's right, YOU DID HIT
ME!"

"You were out of control. I had to do something! You
attacked Willow, you hit me, who was next? Xander? Giles?"

"So, that gives you license to beat me in front of them? Do
you EVEN have any idea how humiliating that was? Being spanked like an 8 year
old? Never mind you hurt me. Do you know how strong you are? My ass still feels
like It�s on fire!"

"Can you keep it a little more quiet?" Faith looks
around, noticing some students staring at them. "I can't do this here!
C'mon!"

She grabs Cordelia's arm, but Cordelia resists.

"Get off me! Let me go!" Cordelia tries to shake her
off.

"Stop acting like a spoiled brat. I just want to talk to
you in private!"

"No way I'm going ANYWHERE with you!"
Cordelia's volume increases.

"Shut UP! God, what is your trauma, I just want to
talk�" Faith begins to pull her along

"RAPE! RAPE!" Cordelia screams, struggling to free
herself from Faith's grip.

Faith drops her arm, recoiling like she's been burned.

"STOP IT! SHUT UP! "

"DON'T TOUCH ME!"

"I'm NOT touching YOU!"

"I HATE YOU! Get AWAY FROM ME!"

"What's going on out here?"

A teacher pops his head out from one of the doorways, looking at
the two of them.

Cordelia runs over to him, away from Faith.

"She's trying to hurt me!"

"That�s a lie! I just want to talk to her!"

"She's lying! She grabbed me, and she wanted to drag me
away! She wants to hurt me! She already hit me once!"

"Is that true, Miss?" The teacher looks closely at
Faith. "Do I know you? Do you go to school here?"

"Uhhh� no, I'm Mr. Giles' research assistant."

"I see. But, you don't go to school here then?"

"No, but I have permission to be here. I work for Mr.
Giles�"

"I see. But, Mr. Giles is the librarian, yes?"

"Yes, sir."

"Then I think you best go back to the library, and leave
the students alone."

"But�"

"I think you should go now!"

"Where are you going to go?" Faith talks around the
teacher to Cordelia.

"What do you care? Anywhere where you and those morons you
call friends aren't! Home, probably!"

"You can't go back there�"

"I said, you should leave!" The teacher is quickly
losing patience.

For a moment, Faith's body tenses up, as if preparing to throw the
teacher into a wall. Then she lets out a slow, deliberate breath, and turning,
walks off towards the library. Her whole body is stiff with anger and tension.

"Thank you, so much! She was going to �"

"Why aren't you in class?"

"Huh?"

"Aren't you supposed to be in class?" The teacher,
beyond tired of this, needing to get back to class, still can't allow her to
just wander the halls.

"I have a free period�"

"Well, find somewhere to be. Not in the library�" She
watches the retreating form of Faith. "But you can't be wandering around
the halls."

"Fine, whatever. I'll go home�"

"You can't just leave campus."

"And who's going to stop me?" She glares at the
teacher.

"You need permission to leave campus!"

"Believe me, I've got permission!"

Without another word, Cordelia turns on her heels and walks
towards the exit.

"Kids" The teacher shakes his head, and re-enters his
classroom.

* * *

"She's NUTS!"

Giles looks up as Faith bursts into the library. She seems to
have lost her focus, and is pacing aimlessly around the otherwise empty
room. She looks at Giles, not seeming
to notice his exhaustion.

"I don't understand her. Do you understand her? What is her
problem, anyway?"

"Excuse me, Faith, but I long ago gave up any attempt to
understand the feminine mind. Especially those younger than legal age�"

"That's rather sexist, don't you think?" Faith
bristles.

"No, it's a matter of sanity, actually. But that's beside
the point. Exactly what was going on in here when I came in?"

"She was acting crazy. She attacked Willow, she attacked
me, and who knows who was next? I had to do something�"

"So, you bent her over a table and beat her bottom for
everyone to see?"

"Well� yeah�" Faith suddenly seeming to realize
something. Something she's not liking. Then she shakes herself. "She was
out of control, Giles."

"So, you felt you had to control her?" Giles asks
mildly.

"Yeah�" Faith's tone grows suspicious. "What're
you getting at?"

Giles doesn't reply; rather he just gently gazes at her. Faith
grows restive under his gaze, feeling somewhat flustered by his reticence.
Finally, Giles clears his throat, standing up.

"I'm sorry, but I� we� simply don't have time for this
drama right now. There is something more pressing we have to deal with. I need
to speak with you, privately. If you'll follow me?" Though couched as a
question, it's more of a command.

"What?" Faith looks around at the empty library.
"There's no one here�"

"True," Giles says, his voice somewhat weary,
"but you never know who will come in, or when. I don't wish to be
overheard�"

"What about the others� I mean Willow and Xander�?"

"No one else seems to be here, do they?" Giles' words
are particularly precise and measured, indicating his patience wearing thin. He
grips the banister tightly. "Do you think, for once, that you could just
accede to my request, rather than questioning everything?"

"When didn�t I do what you wanted, anyway?" Faith
complains, stung.

"Then this shouldn't be a stretch, should it?" Giles
turns to her, and his face is tight. It slowly relaxes, and the concern is
plain. "Faith, please, try to trust me, all right?" He asks quietly.

It's at that moment she sees the wear, the exhaustion, and the look
of anxiety on his face. She realizes that he's as scared as anyone, and that
doesn't make her feel better.

But it does make her worry more about him, and how much more he
can take.

"Of course. Sorry, coming," She says quietly, not
fighting, getting up to follow him.

As she follows behind him up the stairs, for the first time, she
really worries if they'll get this done. If they'll actually beat back the bad,
and come out victorious.

Or even alive.

2

"Xander!"

Willow Rosenberg spots Xander's tall and slightly shaggy form
slouching towards the school lunchroom. She hurries to catch up with him.

However, it's as if Xander doesn't hear her, and he continues
on, moving down the hall towards the double doors leading to the cafeteria.

"Xander! Wait up!"

Xander sighs, and slows up. Despite himself, he can't entirely
ignore Willow. He just doesn't seem to be wired that way. He stops by the
doors, turning to face her. He doesn't look particularly happy.

"Xander, hey�" Willow catches up, panting a little
from running. She puts a hand on his arm, rubbing it lightly. "How are
you? Are you still like, mad at me?"

Xander looks down at her with a slight frown on his face. It's
his eyes, however, that tell the story. They reflect a deep sadness.

"Mad?" He says, quietly. "No, I've had time to
think about stuff, you know? I'm not mad at you�" he shrugs, turning to
go.

Willow doesn't like that answer, and doesn't accept it.
"You are mad at me, Xander Harris. Admit it, you're angry with
me!"

Xander shakes his head, not wanting to talk.

"Xander, c'mon. You can't just walk away from this. We have
to talk about this, you know?"

"Talk about what?" Xander says, quietly.

" You being angry. Me being sorry. Us, about us�"
Willow says, getting a bad feeling. "There is an 'us', isn't there?"

He sighs. He stands there for a moment, silent, brushing a stray
lock of hair off his forehead. He looks at her intently.

"I don't know, Will. Is there?"

"Well, of course there's an us!" Willow declares.
"There's always been an 'us', Xander, even when we weren't boyfriend and
girlfriend. We've always been together since playgroup. How can there not be an
'us'?"

"Things have changed, Will. We're not kids in playgroup
anymore, and we're not like we were before. Friends hanging out. We're more� or
I thought we were�"

"Of course we're more�"

"Really? Cuz, I'm not feeling it. I'm really not feeling
it."

"Xander! Don't talk crazy! I love you�"

"Do you?" He looks at her, and a small smile comes to
his face. "Yeah, you do. You do love me, but� not in the same way I love
you. I'm your Xander, you're� I don't know� I'm kind of like a comfy old
sweater, you know? Like that green one you like so much? I fit well, and you
like wearing me, but at the end of the day, I'm not the one that excites
you."

"Huh? Is there some kind of meaning in that?" Willow
looks confused.

"I'm Xander, and you know me, and I'm comfortable. No
surprises, not really, and I'm easy. You know how I feel about you, and that
feels good, you know? But I'm not the one that excites you. I'm not the one
that fascinates you, that gives you
that� I dunno, charge? Whatever, the point is, I'm not it. And �" His
smile goes a little sad. "I think we know who does, don't we?"

"What? That's crazy!" Willow moves in on him, leaning
into him. "You know you're my boy, and you make me crazy, Xander
Harris�" She strokes her hand over his arm.

"Will, don't, ok?" Xander gently pushes her away.
"Cordelia is right. I'm not the one you want�"

"Cordelia. Her? You think SHE'S right? God, she's crazy!
What the hell does she know?"

"She knows that you're crazy about Faith�"

"THAT'S JUST INSANE!"

"Is it?" Xander reaches out, putting his arms on her
shoulders. "I wish I could believe that. I really think I've been kidding
myself, telling myself it's insane, too. But�" He cocks his head to the
side, "even when you're mad at her, there's this passion� this intensity
of feeling� I just don't get from you�"

"Xander, that's nuts! I love you!"

"I know you do," Xander's face is etched with some
sadness. "I love you too. I'm in love with you, Will, and that's
where it's different. I'm crazy about you, all I think about, when I think
about the future, is about you. How I want you to be a part of that. How I need you to be part of that�"

"Me, too!"

"Really?"

"YES!"

"Because, Will, I don't feel it. I �" he shakes his
head, dropping his hands off her arms. "I just don't feel it from you. You
love me, but I don't feel you need me.
I'm not that one�"

"What one? What are you�?"

"The one, Will. The one that makes you feel whole.
Complete. You do that for me; you make me better than I am by myself. Do I do
that for you? Do I make you feel more than you are alone?"

"Of course you do!" Willow replies, maybe just a
little too quickly.

Xander notices, and feels a strong pain in his heart.

"I wish I could believe you, Will. I really wish I could
believe you. I want so much to be that for you� but I don't think I am. I'm not the one that makes you light up when
I come in a room, I'm not that guy� or girl�"

"Xander, stop it!" Willow's lip starts to tremble.
"Don't do this�"

"Do what, Willow? Tell the truth? Too late�" He
swallows hard, pushing down his own pain. "I don't know, Will. I just
don't know� and I don't think you know either. And me being
here? Isn't helping you know�"

"Xander, don't�" Willow whimpers, tears starting to
form in her eyes. "I love you. Please�"

"You need time. Time to think about things. And what you
want. And I gotta give you that time. I can't be with you right now�"

"You're� you're breaking up with me?" Willow's tears
start to fall.

"I'm giving you space�"

"You're breaking up with me!" Her voice gets angry.
"Just say it! You're breaking up with me!"

Xander stands there, dying a little inside. Seeing Willow cry
tears him apart. It always has, ever since that time when she broke the yellow
crayon in playgroup and cried, thinking they'd kick her out.

He's loved her since then, he realizes suddenly. He's always
loved her.

But he can't be there, if she's not there. And she's not there.

"Willow, just ask yourself, honestly. Were we ever really together?"

She stands there, tears streaming down her face.

"How can you even ask that?" She cries, balling up her
fists.

He turns away, knowing he has to go � now. He knows if he looks
at her, he'll lose all his fight, all his will, and he'll take her in his arms
and � that's bad?

No, not bad. Just, not real.

He walks away, feeling as if someone's kicked him in the gut. He
suddenly isn't hungry anymore. He just needs to get away.

"Xander! Don't go� goddamn you� don't you leave me� don't
go� please� don't go�"

Willow finds her knees giving out, and she can't stand anymore.
She almost falls down, watching Xander walk away.

"Go on, go! Go! Damn you� I hate you� I hate you�"

She hates him so much, her heart is breaking over him.

3

A little more. Just a little more�

He pulls against the bolt holding his left manacle to the wall.
He feels it loosen a little more.

He has to work slowly, carefully. He doesn't want any attention
drawn to him. He's had plenty of attention over the last couple of weeks.

Angel stands, chained to wall, in the tunnels below city hall.

His body is covered with bruises, cuts and cigarette burns.
Parts of the skin on his chest has been severely burned by the over generous
application of holy water. Hot pokers
have been driven in his sides and legs. The pain from the wounds is
excruciating.

But the worst is the hunger. He hasn't fed since they brought
him here. And he's hungry. Very, very hungry. His whole body is on fire from
the wounds, and worse, from his ravenous hunger. He needs to eat.

But first, he needs to get out of here. And to do that, he has
to loosen the chain�

Slowly, carefully, he works on each bolt, in turn. Pulling, the
strain on his weakened body causing him to sweat. Not too fast, he
admonishes himself, watching as he works.

He knows if they catch him, and reinforce his chains, he'll
never get out.

He closes his eyes, focusing on the task at hand. He has to do
this, has to get free. He heard them talking, and he knows what they're up to.
He has to warn them. He has to�

The pain is enormous. His arms are numb from being suspended
above his head for so long. Every
struggle hurts, sending pain searing down his body.

He can't quit. Just a little more� just a little more�

"Daddy?"

Angel opens his eyes, to see Drusilla standing in front of him.
She's holding a doll, dressed in Victorian fashion. He stares at her.

"See, I told you, Miss Emily. Daddy isn't dead. If her
were, he'd be a big pile of dust on the floor. No, daddy is still alive� aren't
you daddy?"

Angel doesn't answer, choosing to just stare at her.

"Poor Daddy," Drusilla murmurs.

Almost too quick to see, she reaches out, scratching a fresh
track of scratches across his chest. Angel grunts, the pain only a new layer on
top of what he already has.

Drusilla draws her fingers to her lips, licking at the slight
blood on her nails. She smiles.

"I bet Daddy is sooo hungry. His blood tastes so old and
weak�" She calls over her shoulder. "Bring her in."

A vampire, carrying a bundle over his shoulder, enters the
little alcove where they have Angel chained up. He pulls the bundle off his
shoulder, and it turns out to be human. A young female, barely twenty with long
blonde hair. Her eyes have a glazed look to them, and her mouth is slack. She
looks bad, very bad.

She is bound with rope, and as if hanging a side of beef, the
vampire hangs her on a hook in the wall. He stands there, looking at her.

"Get out," Drusilla orders.

After giving Drusilla a sour look, the vampire leaves. The girl
moans softly.

"Oh, look, Daddy. She's still alive," Drusilla claps
her hands, as if something amuses her. "Doesn't she look just �
tasty?" She grins at Angel, her lips curling over her teeth. "Hmmm�
so young� " she moves over, and bites the girl, causing her to moan. She suckles
gently on the wound. "So, so sweet�mmmm�" She licks her lips.

She squeezes the girl's neck at the puncture wound, causing a
few drops of blood to spill on her neck. Drusilla carefully wipes them up on
the tip of her finger. She turns, and walks over to Angel.

"Poor, hungry daddy. You haven't eaten in so long�"
She waves the finger under Angel's nose. "I bet she would taste sweeter
than sugar to you, love�"

Angel, despite himself, growls and vamps out. The scent of
blood, fresh blood, drives him crazy. He snaps at Drusilla's finger, almost
biting it off before she can withdraw it. She smiles at him wickedly, holding
the finger just out of reach.

"Bad, bad Daddy!" She cackles, teasing him with the
blood tipped finger. "You almost bit me, you did. Naughty, naughty!"
She waves her finger teasingly in Angel's face. "You know we punish bad
daddies here�"

She walks over, and grabbing the girl's hair, pulls her head
back.

"I guess we'll just have to eat her without giving you none
at all�"

Vamping out, she leans over and bites into the girl's neck,
greedily sucking down her life's blood.

The girl moans, not writhing as her strength and resistance are
gone. Her eyes become less focused, and
start to roll back in her head.

Drusilla, caught up in the blood lust, forgets about Angel and
anything but the sweet warm blood trickling down her throat.

Something snaps in Angel. He feels his demon come out, feels the
change as he morphs into his feeding mode. Using all the strength he has left
in his body, he pulls on his chains, pulling the bolts free. He drops quietly
to the floor.

Drusilla murmurs her approval as she feels the warm blood in her
throat. Already her body responds to the blood, fresh blood, flowing through
her veins. She can feel the heart of her victim slowing, announcing death.

And then suddenly, something cold and hard wraps itself around
her throat, and she cries out as she feels herself pulled from her victim.

"I'm sorry, Drusilla," Angel stands over her, looking
down.

"Daddy?" She looks up at him, like a child caught
being naughty.

"I'm sorry what I did to you," Angel says quietly.

Without warning, he pulls the chain, which he's looped around
her neck, tight.

The sound of her neck snapping is followed by a brief whoosh as
her body turns to ashes.

Angel turns to Drusilla's victim, and for a moment, he tries to
save her. He starts to untie the knots of her rope.

But he can smell death, and her realizes nothing can save her.
Even if he could get her out, she would die from blood loss.

And he smells the blood. She is almost drained, but not quite.
There is still some blood in her. Still warm, still fresh.

He's hungry. Terribly hungry.

"I'm sorry," He whispers to the dying girl, as he
latches onto her throat, and feeds of the remainder of her blood.

It's warm, and fresh. Sweet. And human.

It's been nearly a century since he's tasted human blood.

He drains her greedily, feeling his strength renew as the blood
courses through his veins.

Finished, blood still on his lips, he becomes suddenly aware
again of who and where he is.

He feels his stomach clench, realizing what he's done.

Yet, he's free, and he has to go. He can't sit here and mourn
her.

He looks carefully around, and noticing no one close, slips into
the darkness�

Out of the shadows, three forms emerge.

Cornell, Spike� and Drusilla!

"I do believe the sod thinks he killed you," Spike
snickers. He caresses the side of Drusilla's face. "Nice work, pet. He
never even knew we were there�"

"It was so easy� he wanted to believe," Drusilla says,
walking over to the now dead body. She pulls it off the hook, and lays it on
the ground.

The body is no longer a young girl, but rather that of a man.

A middle aged, somewhat overweight man.

Merrick.

"You're sure he'll remember? The image you implanted in his
mind?" Cornell asks quietly.

"Oh, he'll remember," Drusilla. "The next time he
sees him, he'll realize that he actually killed him." She smiles, her eyes
seeming to see something the others don't. "Poor daddy will never forgive
himself�"

"One more touch�" Spike walks over, and pulling a
knife from his boot, draws an inverted cross on Merrick's left cheek.
"There. Perfect."

"Good, very good," Cornell smiles, watching as Spike
hoists the body over his shoulder. "Now, get our colleague over to his
room. We don't want him to be late to his own party, do we?"

"Damn. Bleeding sod weighs a ton," Spike complains,
adjusting his burden. "Why couldn't we just kill the burke at his flat,
rather than bring him here?"

"Because we had to have Angel actually taste his blood. So
he'd know what he's done. He has to think he actually killed him� even if not
the way that everyone else thinks�" Cornell's tone grows harsh. "Now
hurry up, things are already late�"

Spike, grunting, carries Merrick's body out, followed by
Drusilla.

Cornell watches them go, steepling his fingers under his chin.
He taps the tips together.

"So, let the games begin�"

He laughs as he slowly fades away.

4

Faith and Giles sit in his office, across the desk from each other.

Both are silent; Giles has just finished revealing his strategy
to Faith; she is sitting there, quietly, looking at him.

If it weren't for the slight breeze from the office window, it
would almost seem like a photograph; everything is that still.

"ARE YOU NUTS?"

The words seem to explode from Faith's mouth suddenly, and just
as suddenly, she's on her feet. She looks down at her watcher with an astonished
expression on her face.

"Faith, I hardly think it's appropriate to question my
mental stability at this late stage of the game," The tension is getting
to Giles, evidenced by the slight flush of his neck.

"Really, because I thought maybe the stress got to you, or
something, and made you like� insane!" Faith turns away, pacing in the
small floor space of the office. "That � that's just the craziest plan� no
wait, that's not a plan, it's the babbling of a nut case!"

"Faith, that's quite enough," Giles stands, the flush
moving up his neck. "We have to find a way to get close to him, and
frankly, I'm running out of ideas. Do you have any?" He stares at her,
frowning. "I wouldn't mind hearing a few if you do�"

"Call it off, that's my idea."

"I can't 'call it off' Faith. Things are already in
motion."

"Well, un-motion them, and call it off!"

Giles doesn't respond, he just stares at her.

"Fine, whatever. I'll call it off!" Faith turns to
grab the door.

"Faith, stop!"

"What?"

"Close the door, sit down and stop acting like a
child!"

"Excuse me?" Faith glares at him.

Giles comes around his desk, pushes the door closed none to
gently, and stares down at her.

"Sit down!"

They stand staring at each other for a beat; then another, and another.
Finally, Faith blinks, and turning away, muttering to herself, she walks over,
almost throws herself into the chair, and sits, body stiff with tension.

"You know I could throw you through that fucking door,
don't you?"

"I'm well aware of your physical capabilities, Faith,"
Giles responds, still standing at the door.

"Meaning what? That I'm a dummy? Just because I think your
plan sucks?"

"Meaning nothing," Giles retorts, crossing back to the
desk. "Faith, I explained to you. We have to find an in, some way to get
behind his defenses. Believe me, this wasn't an easy decision for me.
But it had to be done."

"That's crap! There had to be another way�"

"There was no other way�"

"And if it doesn't work? What then?"

"Then� we have to � regroup, think of something else�"

"Fine, and we might all get killed in the meantime!"

"That's not going to happen�"

"Can you guarantee that, Giles? Can you sit there and tell
me that it won't happen, you know it for a fact?"

There is a silence from him.

"That's what I thought. Well, I'm not going for it. I'm not
playing this game�" She starts to stand up.

"Faith, need I remind you're the slayer, and I'm your
watcher?"

"You're pulling rank on me?"

"This is war, Faith.
Good vs. Evil. We don't have the luxury of doing this by committee. I
can assure you, he's not consulting with his troops over the next move, or the
next or the one after that. Decisions have to be made, Faith, risks
taken�"

"By you? Cuz, I'm not seeing you putting yourself out
there!"

"Dammit!" Giles' temper snaps; his fist comes down on
his desk, startling Faith. "If I could, Faith, I'd do it myself. But I
can't. I don't like it anymore than you do, but I don't have ANY choice!"

Faith sits there quietly, not even realizing she's rocking back
and forth in her chair. She struggles to bring herself under control; Giles'
temper has shown her she's pushed it too far.

"Faith," Giles, seeing her struggle, feels bad. Just
because you're scared, it's no reason to take it out on her. Doesn't she have
enough on her plate? "� I'm sorry. I should've told you sooner. But I
only came to this decision today. I looked for some other way, but I couldn't
find one. I'm sorry you don't understand, but my hands were tied. We can't just
sit back and wait for him to act�"

Faith has gone still again, the only thing moving is her head,
which is slowly shaking back and forth.

"Forget it, Giles. I get it. I'm not stupid�" She
stands up. "I gotta go�"

"Where are you going?"

"I've gotta find Angel. We need him more than ever�"

Giles sighs.

"Faith. No one has seen Angel in a couple of weeks. I don�t
think�"

"Don't say it Giles�"

"� he's part of this anymore. "

"Giles�"

"Either he's left on his own�"

"I don't buy that one, Giles�"

"It's not really his fight, you know�"

"He wouldn't just leave!"

"The alternative is that someone has made him
disappear�"

"Then I'll find him�"

"Faith," Giles stands up, going to her. "You have
to accept that there might not be anything to find�"

"He's out there, and I'll find him," Faith insists
stubbornly.

"Faith�"

"NO! Goddamn it, NO! He's there, and I know I can �. I
won't � I've already lost Cordelia, do you think I'm gonna lose him too?"
She whirls on him, her face flushed and angry. "Do you even give a shit,
Giles? Do you care about ANYTHING? Have you EVER cared about anything, or
anyone, except your stupid DUTY?"

Faith sees the color drain out of his face, and suddenly she
realizes she's crossed a big line.

"Giles, I'm sorry, I didn't�"

"It's all right�" Giles says, his voice low and cool.
"You're right. We need to find Angel. Why don't you go do that now?"

"Giles, please, I didn't�"

"Just go, Faith. I need� to think� alone�"

He turns, as if she's already left, and walks over to his desk.
She can't help noticing how stooped his shoulders look, or how slowly he's
moving.

Shit

Without another word, feeling worse than she's felt in a long
time, she slips out of his office.

Giles sits behind his desk, his complexion taking on a slightly
gray cast. For the longest time, he does nothing but stare out into space. Then
slowly, he opens a desk drawer, and pulls out a framed picture.

Of his wife and daughter. Looking so happy.

And he weeps.

To be continued.
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The Slayer